Work Text:
Steve jerked back from the screen as he saw Danny’s mock salute, the cousins looked at him closely but there was nothing forthcoming. Kono debated in her mind whether she would say anything and then finally offered’
‘He looks well.’
Chin raised his eyebrow, and looked at the other two both frantically trying to work out what they had seen and what it meant.
‘Cuz, he looks like a man with the world on his shoulders and he’s lost weight.’
Steve nervously fidgeted and then quietly offered,
‘Grace told me he wanted to commit suicide. He doesn’t anymore but he did. She really hates me and told me in no uncertain terms it was my entire fault and I wasn’t Danny’s friend because of the way I treated him. Let’s just say the apple hasn’t fallen far from Danny’s tree with her when she gets going.’
Kono looked winded at the idea of Danny feeling like that but it didn’t escape her or Steve’s notice that Chin didn’t look that surprised.
They thanked the security guard who had been watching on a little bemused as they had crowded round a screen to watch the mouthy little blond Haole that was normally with them.
As they moved towards the cars they had hidden in the staff car park Steve challenged Chin
‘Did you know how bad he was?’
Chin was silent as they continued walking, Steve grabbed his arm to stop him and got up close to him and aggressively repeated himself
‘Chin I asked did you know’
Chin stepped back and fixed Steve with a calm but angry gaze.
‘Yes. I told you when I realized that no one had heard or seen him for a month that things were bad when I went to see Rachel. You, Steve, told me I was wrong, you then saw Grace and she called you a bully, and you decided not to believe her, Rachel warned you and all you chose to hear was that an apology would sort everything out, finally when you go out for shaved ice with Grace, that by the way, she asked you so she could apologise for being rude, she ended up losing her temper and being very upset because you poked fun at Danny.’
Chin drew breath, Kono was stunned she knew hardly any of this and she could feel the lump in her throat give way to tears. Steve was stunned at the attack Chin had delivered, the quiet steady man he had known virtually all his life was the angriest he had ever seen.
‘Steve, Grace called you a bully?’ Kono’s voice wavered as she asked the question ‘why didn’t you tell us that?’
‘I told Chin’ he answered looking more and more than like a sulky child.
Chin looked at them both, ‘I didn’t tell anyone Steve because I hoped you would consider carefully why she might think that about you. She loves you so much and you love her almost as if she were your own and yet you decided not to even really consider what she had said.’
As they stood there in the car park Kono realized how things had collapsed in on themselves, they had always worked well as a team there were moments Steve would scare the living daylights out of them but generally they had been a tight team. As she looked at Steve she realized they had all just blithely followed his lead and when Steve had for some reason decided Danny was not in the gang they had followed. The famous 5-0 was a shambles and they all had a role in that.
It was a quiet trio that got back to the office. Steve, still signed off, had been coming in just to know what was going on and because being on his own a lot was never a good idea. Lou was waiting there for them.
‘So how’s our boy’ he boomed across the room.
Steve took one look at Lou and walked into his office and shut the door. Kono could feel the tears welling up again. Chin nodded with his head at Lou to follow him and they left the office and walked down the street, grabbed a coffee and sat on a bench.
‘So, he’s returned and Steve has finally realized that heavy lies the crown of leadership has he?’ Lou said whilst fiddling with his coffee.
‘Yep.’ Chin said with a deep sigh ‘all of us should have done more to challenge him, but at the same time I am worried why Danny didn’t call out Steve more on his behavior.’
Lou thought carefully how to respond, he was, after all, a later addition to the team.
‘Danny is all smoke and mirrors, he’ll make a lot of noise to cover all sorts of things. Steve told me you all had no idea that he and Rachel had started up again and finished again when she got pregnant with Charlie you only found out because you were listening to his voice mails. Danny is a long way from home and despite being reasonably settled still feels a little out of place. He wants the best for everyone and his loyalty is incredibly strong and when things are bad he tends to keep that to himself. For all the noise, he doesn’t want to be a bother. The truth is he still feels an outsider and so when Steve was being Steve he never thought to challenge it as he assumed all of us would just back Steve up. He doesn’t realize our friendship is not just dependent on his being part of the team. He left assuming none of us would care he had gone and it took us a month. Kind of proved it to him didn’t we?’
Chin nodded and the two men sat there staring at their coffees, Lou looked up and at Chin and continued;
‘It’s not the end, he’s come back and I think things just came to a head because of the transplant and Steve being like a cat didn’t handled being injured well and came out spitting and fighting. Things weren’t good before but I don’t think they are broken beyond repair. We got complacent, always running after the bad guys and we forgot to check in and make sure we were working together the best we could. If we had been maybe more aware, we’d have realized both of them weren’t quite themselves.’
They headed back towards the office, Chin deep in thought wondering how things would ever get back to how they were when they were on top form.
***
Steve was struggling in the office trying to work out how he felt. He was shocked at what he had seen, yet... there was still a flash of the old Danny as he had spotted he was being watched and acknowledged them with the snarky salute. Could things be fixed? What did he need to do to sort this out without hurting anyone anymore?
He walked out of his office and walked over to Kono and quietly he opened his arms to offer her a hug. She gave a small whimper and buried herself in his arms. Neither of them spoke as they held on to each other.
‘I’m sorry’ Steve offered but not letting go of her.
‘I’m sorry too’ came back a muffled voice as Kono burrowed deeper into Steve’s chest.
‘I’m going home’ Steve slowly let her go and still holding her arms said ‘I think I need to really think about things I’m not...’ his voice tailed off as all these emotions swamped him and he had no idea how to let them out or even express what was going on, he let her arms go as he struggled for words.
Kono gave a small smile and grabbed his hands ‘All of us including Danny have to work out how the team moves forward’
‘But it’s all my fault’ Steve whispered as if he was scared someone would hear.
‘No’ Kono said firmly ‘You behaved badly, Danny let you and we followed because none of us understood how fragile he was and I think..’
‘What?’
Kono took another deep breath and offering prayers up to all the gods she could think of and anyone else who was listening ‘we didn’t realize you were battling feelings and weren’t in any way dealing healthily with them. I’m sorry boss, but Danny’s right you’re a Neanderthal and feelings completely confuse you so you shove them away.’
Steve stood in silence for such a long time Kono was scared how eventually the silence would be broken. As he stood there seemingly a statue the others walked in.
Chin raised an eyebrow at the scarily still seal.
‘I think I broke him’ Kono whispered.
Suddenly Steve moved, Kono instinctively jumped back.
‘You’re right’ Steve said ‘I don’t deal well with things, Dad never spoke about things and Mary ran away as soon as she could. The one friend who would really challenge me to talk about things or even just think about them is Danny.’ He drew himself up and everyone could almost see himself ready himself for battle. Folding his arms across his chest, and almost sinking into seal persona he looked at the team ‘Honest answer, no comebacks on this, should I go and get help from that counselor Danny and I went to?’
Lou laughed and laughed and laughed. The rest of them looked at him horrified, Steve had just been brave and facing up to his failings and he was helpless with laughter?
‘No Steve’ Lou finally got out ‘They obviously were useless as they didn’t realize the problems you were both having were down to the fact neither of you were dealings with your feelings for each other.’ He steadied himself and continued ‘yes, get help, talk to someone but someone sensible.’
The team all raised a smile as they understood the reason for Lou’s mirth. Steve nodded his head and indicated he was going home. As he headed out Chin caught up with him touched his arm and quietly said ‘I’ll do some research and find you someone.’ As Steve stood silently just nodding acceptance Chin carried on ‘someone who will also do some group work, all of us need to face things head on’ Steve’s head drooped. Chin put one arm around him ‘everything will get sorted, I can’t promise that it will be sunshine and roses and happy endings, but Steve we will get the team back as it was.’ Chin had a sneaky grin as he mentioned happy endings and Steve smirked sadly. He offered his thanks and headed home.
***
Steve stayed away from the office for a few days sorting out paperwork for his discharge and slowly but surely packing away carefully all of his navy things, it was a sad time for him but he took his time and made sure everything was packed away well and would keep things for a long time. He had a vague daydream that one day Charlie could have them if he wanted and in really private daydreams he would think that maybe he and Danny could adopt but before those thoughts moved too far forward he would shut them down. It was scary thinking of such things when Danny wasn’t even speaking to any of them.
***
Whilst Steve was suffering and making the brave decision to seek help Danny was feeling stronger and stronger. He loved spending time with the children, Grace and Charlie were glued to his side all the time and he was enjoying being a full time dad for a bit. Rachel had told him not to go home just yet and he was thankful for her friendship and more importantly the lack of restrictions on seeing the children.
Rachel and he spoke a lot about going back to work and Danny confessed that whilst he was nervous he was just going to be professional and work hard but keep away from the socializing and personal discussions. When he came first to the Island things had been very different, yes work had been tough but so was his private life but now things were different. Work would just have to be professional and much more formal but now he and Rachel were dealing with each other much better at least outside of work would be fine.
He phoned Denning and said he would be returning the following week, they had a long conversation and it was agreed that he would start back on light duties pending the physical. Danny immediately booked the physical and as soon as he was passed let Denning know. They decided that the governor would let Chin know as acting head that Danny would be in the following Monday and he would be desk bound for the next month.
Danny knew as soon as Denning contacted Chin, he would contact him so it was no surprise an hour later there was a knock on the door. Chin had thought long and hard on the way over and planned the only way to deal with it was to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The team needed to sort things but that included everyone especially Steve and he really didn’t want to frighten Danny off. Danny opened the door to a quiet Chin who then simply said
‘Howzit Danny? Good to hear you’re back and ready for work. There’s piles of paperwork for you to handle’ Chin gave a grin.
Danny huffed ‘I’m good thanks Chin, I’m sure there is lots of paperwork as I’m the only one who does it properly”
Chin laughed and went to throw his arm around him but Danny stepped back without making a big deal of it. Chin had an uneasy feeling down his back but decided to see how Danny was going to deal with things ‘We’re going to Steve’s for food tomorrow night if I make sure pineapple doesn’t pollute your food shall I pick you up?’ Chin watched Danny carefully.
‘No thanks I have plans’ Danny smoothly answered. ‘It was kind of you to offer but no. I’ll see you Monday Chin.’
Danny stepped back and closed the door quietly. He leaned against it and breathed out. The first hurdle was over and he knew he could deal with this. He wasn’t even touching the idea about how he would deal with Steve but that was a battle for another day.
***
Danny’s weekend before going back to work was settling back into his own home, Rachel had kept on top of things for him and the children had come to help him unpack as they put it, what really was happening was lots of junk food and tv and just enjoying being together.
After Danny took the two children home he went and laid out clothes for the morning. Trousers, shirt and tie, polished shoes. He was going to be a consummate professional even if it killed him.
***
Steve and the rest of the team had met and Chin explained Danny was coming back on desk duties. He also said he felt Danny was putting distance between them and he could understand why. He made it very clear to Steve to come nowhere near the office all week until they worked out how Danny really was. It was obvious to the rest of them Steve was desperate to fix everything straight away but as they all agreed no one really knew what needed to be fixed and how. Steve admitted he had started seeing someone Chin had found and he was finding it tough but he was going to carry on. He also finally admitted he had been honorably discharged and chose to do so without a ceremony of recognition for all he had done. There was stillness over the group, as he said that, as if everyone was waiting for the inevitable Danny comment of support and it was then they all realized how much they were adrift as if somehow they hadn’t really quite believed it before.
***
Monday dawned bright as always and Danny quietly dressed. All the way to work he talked to himself, ‘be pleasant and polite. Just say good morning and start the paperwork, don’t ask about Steve and just remember 8 hours and you can go home’ As Danny was doing this so were the others each having a slightly different conversation to themselves but all about dealing with things quietly and professionally and taking the lead from Danny.
So with a cautious step Danny entered the office, only Chin as there poring over the screen he looked up and offered a good morning as Danny did in return there was a quick conversation about what Danny needed to do and Danny went into his office after making a cup of coffee.
Kono was next in, as usual she breezed though Chin could tell it was all front, they did their usual hug and quick catch up and then bracing herself she leaned round Danny’s door and said
‘good to see you back Danny, need more coffee?’
Danny looked up and saw the warmth of Kono’s smile and found himself wanting to get up and wrap himself in one of her hugs but he stayed still and smiled politely and answered
‘Well can’t stay away forever, and paperwork needs to be done.’ He lifted his cup ‘I’m fine for now thanks’ his head went straight down again as he battled internally with confusing emotions of love for his friend and the pain that he had been forgotten. It was a similar situation when Lou came in and then the office went quiet as each person worked and everyone hoped for a case to break the unnatural feeling in the office.
Lunchtime came with no case, Lou asked if Danny wanted to join him down the street but Danny politely declined and disappeared for an hour. When he left the office the others let out sighs of relief. They talked quietly among themselves and came to the conclusion Danny had decided to come back to work but only in a professional capacity and whilst being friendly he wasn’t really being their Danny any more.
The week continued in much the same vein, a case came in and Danny was a great help in the office helping with research and on the tech though slower obviously than Chin. There was no attitude or difficulties it was just sad that he was there doing his job but not there at the same time. Chin and Steve spoke every night, Steve was finding it hard to stay away but had promised and he was finding his time with the counselor was really making him think about things, not just Danny but about previous non girlfriends he had had, namely Catherine, and his mother Doris as much as he could say about that monumental mess and his fathers death. The nightmares were coming thick and fast, and the need to make things right was overwhelming.
***
Danny spent each lunchtime in a small cafe off the main street, the food wasn’t good to be honest but it was quiet and he could stay an hour in there without being hassled. It was achingly hard to be there in the office and not ask about Chin’s romance, Kono’s marriage or Lou’s daughter and Steve. He was finding it hard to be just professional and not ask about Steve, desk duties were driving him nuts no one had done any it seemed and no one, no one was mentioning Steve.
***
The weekend came and there was no case so Danny packed up his desk and said good night to them all and left the office. As he got in the car he lent forward and rested his head on the steering wheel and breathed out. It was so hard not just to joke and laugh and get all the gossip out of Kono especially but they didn’t seem to have missed him that much, no one was clamoring to ask him about his time away and no one was offering any information about Steve. It was as he thought, he was a replaceable member of the team.
As he was leaning on the steering wheel the others were coming out of the office and quietly they looked at each other. They moved quickly out of his eye line but were reluctant to move away. They watched him raise his head, swipe his hands over his face as if he had been upset and start the car.
Chin quietly said ‘I think there’s hope as he obviously still feels something it’s not what he’s showing us but he obviously still has feelings about working here.’
Each of them moved towards their vehicles and planned to meet at Steve’s on the Sunday. Chin phoned Steve and just said
‘I don’t think Danny is as immune to us as he’s showing but Steve you need to give him time. He hasn’t asked about you yet, when he does I think that’s when we need to start really talking as a team.’
***
Steve put the phone down and decided to go for a drive. He found often when he was struggling with things after counseling he would drive around with nowhere really in mind but would always end up in the same place, Danny’s spot.
He parked up a little way down the road and walked quietly up towards the wall. There were so many thoughts and feelings going round his mind he had no idea how really to process everything he really needed Danny to help him. He had never when it mattered made Steve feel anything but safe to express however badly how he felt and he felt the loss so much. He sat on the wall and looked out, he remembered so many things at this spot, Danny feeling bad about his affair with Rachel, the time he admitted to being scared about falling in love again, discussions about Gabby, Amber or Melissa whatever her real name was, the joy of being a father again but the anger of betrayal, they all tumbled round his brain. He got up to walk back to the truck when he realized a car had parked just a little way along. As he shielded his eyes against the sun, so did the person getting out of the car, then his breath caught and all he could say in his shock was
‘Danny’ as the other person said equally shocked ‘Steve.’