Work Text:
Steve was feeling hopeful, Grace had phoned and asked him to go for shaved ice and had apologised for being mean. Rachel had spoken to him at the end of the conversation and given him hope that Danny would be alright and their friendship was not completely broken and there may even be hope for more. The sun was shining, his scar was healing and everything was ok. As soon as Danny came back things could go back to normal.
***
Danny was ill. Not seriously just a bit under the weather, Jake was convinced it was stress he had started to make decisions about what to do and he thought Danny’s body was reflecting how conflicted Danny actually was. Jake wanted to wrap him up against all the evils of the world and at the top of that list of evils was Steve.
***
Chin and Rachel both were doubtful Steve had yet realized exactly how broken Danny was and how he had done that.
***
Grace was nervous about seeing Steve because she felt awful for being so childish and rude and in truth she was still really angry about how sad Danno was.
***
Steve was pacing around the house waiting for the time to pick up Grace from school, he was feeling really positive about talking to her and making her understand he hadn’t meant to hurt her father and that he really cared for them both. To be honest he was still a little muddled about exactly how he felt about Danny, he knew it was certainly more than friendship and that love was part of it, but what did that really mean? Steve made his way to the school still thinking hard about it all, he was still a little unsure that the word bully was completely fair, except that Chin seemed to agree. He considered all that had been said, slowly in his mind he came to the conclusion he wasn’t a bully but he had been inconsiderate and so what he needed to do was apologize first to Grace then to Danny.
Grace was feeling a bit nervous about meeting Steve, she was sorry for what she had said, but she did want to explain to him why she had said it. She also wasn’t sure if she was going to tell him where Danny was, when she had spoken about it at home she’d been told that it was her decision if she felt Steve was really aware of how he’d hurt Danny then it would be ok but if she felt he didn’t then don’t.
Grace walked slowly down the steps towards Steve’s truck, he was waiting outside, leaning against it looking for her as soon as he saw her he grinned and waved and Grace shyly waved back. She could see his face drop a bit as if he realized things were not as they used to be.
‘Hi Grace’ he said without offering her a hug like he would have done before.
‘Hi Uncle Steve’ she put down her bag and hugged him tightly. Just as soon as she moved to do that, Steve grabbed her and held her tightly. They stood there for a few minutes not saying anything. When she let go, she could he was a bit emotional and so she grabbed her bag and climbed into the truck.
Steve got in, made sure she was all fixed in and then started the engine. ‘So – shaved ice?’
Grace grinned and said ‘Yep, pineapple and kiwi, how ‘bout you?’
Steve made a noise as if he was thinking long and hard, he looked at her, ‘well...’ Grace sighed and said ‘Pineapple?’
‘That sounds a good idea’ he agreed and they both laughed Steve drove for a little bit and then chuckled ‘Danno would be moaning long and hard about that right now, pineapple is the fruit of devil Steven, Pineapple is not fit for pizza Steven, Pineapple just should not be allowed Steven, What is it with pineapple in Hawaii Steven?’ he waved his hands around a bit as he imitated Danny on a rant.
Grace was silent and her body had gone rigid. Steve looked at her and realized he had somehow said the wrong thing. She looked out of the window pointedly and said nothing. Steve was confused, what had he said? Everyone knew Danny’s rants were epic about pineapple. He quietly spoke to her,
‘Grace honey you ok?’
She turned to look at him and to his horror her eyes were full of tears. He pulled the truck over as soon as he could and said again ‘Grace?’
He could tell something was churning up inside but like her father you needed to let it come out in its time. He could see all sorts of thoughts run across her face and finally after wiping her face she said,
‘I miss him and it’s your fault and you’re being mean about him.’
He rubbed his hand over his face, ‘I know you miss him we all do’ he thought hard about what to say next ‘Grace I wasn’t being mean, I was teasing, Danno always goes on and on about pineapple, you know he does.’
Grace looked at him ‘Don’t call him Danno. He’s really sad Steve, because you’ve been really unkind to him and ...’ The tears overwhelmed her and she started to cry. Steve grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap and hugged her tight like he’d seen Danny do.
‘Honey, teasing isn’t being mean, it’s what friends do, like he calls me Neanderthal, I know Danny is sad but we’ll sort it out when he comes back. I’ll say sorry and we can be friends again.’
Grace wriggled free and looked at him. ‘You’ll say sorry and it will be ok’
‘yep’ he nodded his head in agreement.
She sat quietly for a moment obviously trying to work out what to say. ‘No. Steve sorry isn’t going to make it better’ he looked at her ‘Danno doesn’t want to be here anymore.’
Steve rushed to say ‘that was then, I spoke to your Mother and she thinks he might come back if I sort it out.’
‘I heard her on the phone with ...’ Grace stopped herself ‘She was talking with someone about Danno and they said at least he wasn’t suicidal anymore. They told her he was starting to smile and talk but he was still very, very sad and they kept a close eye on him just in case.’ She looked at him in the face and continued ‘Danno left because you made him feel like that. You were unkind to him and you didn’t even realize your best friend had left for a long, long time and it was Uncle Chin who worked it out!’
As she spoke the genes from Danny came very much to the fore she was shouting and waving her arms about and then she broke into uncontrollable sobs. ‘I’m not sorry I called you a bully’ she shouted ‘because I’m right, friends don’t make their friends feel bad’
Steve sat in silent shock, the word bully again racing around his mind. He handed Grace a tissue and then said quietly ‘I’m sorry Grace I thought I knew how Danny was feeling I obviously got it wrong.’
Graces sobs came to an end and her body shuddered and then was calm. They both sat there, Grace stunned that she’d shouted at Steve and he was sat there stunned that he’d got things so wrong. After a while, Grace said quietly ‘Can we go home please’
Steve turned the truck towards her home, still in a state of shock. The cab was tense and he fancied you could almost hear both their hearts beating loudly. As they pulled up in front of the house he turned and said
‘Grace, I’m sorry I made you mad and I’m really sorry that I didn’t realize how sad your Dad was. Please can we get shaved ice another day and talk about this?’
Grace nodded and quietly got out, Rachel was stood by the door eyebrow raised. He got out and watched Grace walk past her Mother silently.
Her eyebrow arched even further ‘My daughter has been crying Commander, why?’
He shuffled his feet ‘I made a joke about Danny...’ his voice trailed off then looking directly at her ‘why didn’t you tell me he was suicidal?’
Rachel’s face fell, ‘I didn’t know she had heard that’ she looked worriedly inside the house. ‘He’s not now, he’s not brilliant but he’s getting better’ She could see Steve was very confused. ‘You have no idea how fragile Danny is do you? This is a man who traveled across America to stay with his daughter, who found a home in 5-0 after an awful few months at the beginning. Who made friends and started to understand what your precious ohana meant.’ She drew breath ‘but you blindly stomped all over him, mocked him for how he was as a father and just blindly expected him to be there.’
Steve looked at the floor ‘I was teasing’ he weakly offered.
‘No, somewhere along the line you forgot how to be a friend Commander’ she icily retorted. ‘a friend would have seen him breaking under everything. But you just heaped on more. I think the word Bully Grace used is probably the best way to describe a man who mocks his friend, who doesn’t support him as he faces endless needles for his son, who tells his friend his child will grow up to hate him, who says he’ll dig out the gift of half a liver if he ever ends up like him’ Rachel’s voice had got icier and icier and the vitriol stronger and stronger. ‘I was a bitch and I have to accept my part but I didn’t shroud it in friendship.’
Steve could feel his heart rip open. His eyes were pricking with tears and the lump in his throat was huge. He whispered ‘I’m sorry’ and turned around as he went to get into the truck.
‘Commander, it probably is fixable because of the big heart Danny has, but sorry is not enough and don't expect me to help.’
He nodded unable to speak, mind racing and heart breaking he drove off.
***
Jake was pottering around Danny’s cabin making them both a coffee, Danny was lying on the small sofa wrapped in blankets watching his friend, he was starting to feel a bit better, it hadn’t been anything really just he felt more tired and his stomach was playing up a bit. To be honest he thought Jake had been a bit mother hen about it because he was still recovering from the operation.
Jake grinned at the caterpillar shaped Danny ‘Comfy much’
‘Oh yes my friend.’
His friend set the coffee in front of him and then sat down and after blowing on his coffee took a slurp and asked
‘So what’s next? You were thinking about moving on from here then you got a bit ill, some might say that was stress my friend’
Danny laughed ‘Some might say?’ he turned serious ‘I’m not sure I can go back yet but I do need to start facing things. It’s time to go home to New Jersey my friend, and see Mum and Dad.’ He huffed under his breath.
Jake calmly took another sip and waited as there was obviously more to come.
‘I can’t say thank you enough Jake’ Danny’s voice was low and intense ‘If I had stayed there I wouldn’t be alive today. I will go back there and I think I’ll go back to 5-0 as I was damn good at my job whatever Steve thought but not yet. Time for some proper pizza, no pineapple and good ole fashioned New Jersey life.’
Jake laughed ‘seriously you give half your liver away and you’re going to recuperate some more in New Jersey where the diet will kill you on a good’
‘But the pizza..’ came the mournful cry back.
***
Over the next few days both Danny and Steve were sorting out practical things but with each other on their minds. Danny was getting ready to face the family, a mixed blessing in many ways he loved them but they could be overpowering and that was saying something coming from him. He was looking forward to pizza, and revisiting old haunts and just getting back on an even keel before returning and facing things.
***
Steve was not doing so well, he was finally facing up to the fact he was to be discharged from the Navy that might well be with honors, but it still felt like an ending and in sometimes he felt like he was perched on the edge of an abyss. It was during this time he really considered the words of Grace. He spent a long time thinking back over the last year if not longer. When had things started to go wrong? It was hard to think that he had so wantonly thrown away Danny’s friendship and in his leadership encouraged others to make Danny feel irrelevant however unintended that was. His thoughts tumbled around and around as he endeavored to think why he had felt it was ok to be like this. Did it start when he thought Danny was settling down and so he knew he would always be around and become complacent? He had relied on Danny so much when he first returned home, he challenged him to think differently, to see the world for more than rules and regulations, and the sunshine he had brought with him. Steve had never ever thought he would fall head over heels in love for a child, but Grace was everything his world hadn’t been, innocent, loving, laughing and a complete belief in the adults around her. He used to stand there a little unbelieving Danny would share her and trust him with such a precious thing. When he would get overwhelmed Danny would seem to know and laugh and bump shoulders with him and just say ‘goof’. When the Charlie situation arose he didn’t see them both so much and it had been a surprise how much he missed them, more than he missed Catherine, was that when he started to shut him out, to protect himself from the pain of losing them slowly?
***
Two weeks passed, Danny had flown home and been fully embraced by his family. Somehow in all the noise and clatter of the Williams’ house Danny found his spirit settling and made the decision that whilst 5-0 would be difficult for a while as he had run away he could be professional and like his first few months on Hawaii he would just deal with it. It wasn’t Steve’s fault he had fallen irrevocably in love with him and that he let things get to him. He wasn’t Hawaiian with history and links to everybody like Kono and Chin so why expect to be part of the beloved ohana, Lou was a good cop he could see why Steve would want to work with him. He was aware he was convincing himself of something that he may come to regret but the children were in Hawaii so Hawaii he would be. It was time to suck it up and deal with it. So finally he emailed Denning and said he was returning and thank you for the leave of absence.
***
Chin knocked Steve’s door and as he waited for him to answer wondered how he would take the news of Danny’s imminent return both to the islands and to the team. All of 5-0 had spent time together talking about how Danny had been feeling and their role in it, but at the same time Steve had shut himself off from them a lot as he tried to deal with it all. Chin was sure that eventually the two of them would sort things out and maybe even be brave and be closer, but he also knew that meant Steve being far more open than he was being at the moment.
Steve opened the door and looked at Chin’s face. Chin looked calm but there was an edge underneath as his jaw twitched. Silently he let him in and they walked through to the lanai.
‘Denning had an email from Danny’
Steve felt all the air suck out of his lungs and dropped like a stone into a chair. ‘He’s not coming back is he?’
Chin quietly sat down and answered him ‘He is and he’s returning to 5-0. He flies back in 2 days. Steve, you know that things need to change and you have to face up to this.’
Steve rubbed his hands over his head and huffed. All of a sudden he looked like a small child about to be beaten as he quietly spoke ‘I was a bully wasn’t I, I said cruel things and some of the things I said when no one was around were horrible’
Chin said nothing and waited
‘He, he’s coming back to 5-0 and I need to talk to him but I don’t know how to say anything. I hurt my best friend, Rachel tells me he was suicidal, Grace hates me and the idea of working with Danny and ...’
Chin looked deeply at Steve, the pressure of considering everything was showing on his face, he looked broken and torn apart. Whilst Chin was angry for what had happened he also knew no one was completely innocent and Danny had been extremely good at hiding things.
‘Steve, you can sort this, all of this but it means being honest and not running away when you have no words. Danny deserves to be treated well and you and he are really good together.’
‘We were good in the field weren’t we’ grinned Steve ‘Even with his ranting about procedure and police rules we were a damn fine team’
‘Not just as law enforcement’ Chin gently said ‘your friendship was special, a bubble would surround you and people would joke about the pair of you being a married couple but the feelings between you were almost tangible...’
Steve shifted uncomfortably ‘I think I love him’ was the quiet response
‘think?’
Steve gave a low chuckle ‘I know I love him but I think I want more’
Chin put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and felt the tension in his body ‘Brah, well let’s get that journey started then. Danny flies back in 2 days. I know the flight he’s on, but Steve we can’t be there we have to let his family meet him and give him time with the children and to get his bearings.’
Steve nodded in agreement, but Chin wasn’t convinced.
‘Ok Brah cos I know you are going to do something incredibly stupid on your own. How bout we are there and watch on the security cameras. But Steve... you have to give him time. You may want to fix everything but he may not. He’s coming back but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.’
***
As the plane touched down Danny’s stomach started doing the samba, was this the best decision? Would the kids hate him for being gone so long? Could he cope with being back in 5-0? Was this another monumental screw up he had made?
He slowly walked through the airport grabbing his luggage and sensibly putting it on a trolley he had the unnerving feeling he was being watched but put that down to the nerves. If he had been more aware he would have realized as he walked quietly he was being watched all along the way. In the security office Steve, Chin and Kono who had realized something was going on were squeezed around a screen.
‘Danno’ whispered Steve and put his hand up on the screen. His friend was thinner than he remembered and looked smaller somehow, there wasn’t the strut in slightly too tight trousers but a slightly hesitant walk by a man in loose jeans and a Jets sweatshirt.
The three of them watched as he walked through arrivals.
Suddenly there was a scream of complete and utter joy ‘Danno!!!!’
Charging towards him with hair flying arms outstretched was Grace and following behind in that funny waddle of his Charlie with Rachel holding his hand. Danny dropped to his knees arms wide open and all his emotions clearly on his face, Grace flew into his arms and their hug was awe inspiring in the love that was so obviously behind it, Charlie got there and was somehow part of it too and the three of them were a quiet island of love and happiness in the sea of people. The three of them watching all felt choked and were silent.
Rachel waited till Danny stood up and then held him. She tucked his head into her neck and rubbed his back and whispered into his ear. Charlie grabbed Danny’s leg and Grace grabbed around his waist and it seemed they were all feeding him strength for what was to come.
As he went to pick up his bag he had that prickling feeling on the back of neck again. He looked around and saw the cameras and how suddenly some of them moved away from looking at him. He took a deep breath and realized that somehow the team was there. Part of him was thrilled that they wanted to see him, the other part was wondering was Steve there, did Steve even care and how the hell was he going to do this?
As he left the airport listening to the children chatter and loving just being in their presence, he passed another camera and made a decision to be brave he looked directly at it, gave a mock salute and mouthed ‘Hi Guys.’