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I wait outside of the community centre.
Grey clouds swathe the sunless sky above me, like the sun has wrapped itself in a warm blanket. It's as bright out as one of these days would allow. The tall silvery statue in the centre of the plaza glistens with snow and drops of water. Far off, the residential blocks are coated in snow, they haven't been cleaned since last week's blizzard.
Yet... despite the dreary afternoon, it's beautiful today.
A light snow falls onto the city, coating my jacket like sugar. Every shaky breath I take mists in the air, whisping away as a chilly wind ruffles my hair. I grab onto my ushanka as another wind blows past. It's getting pretty late, and it's getting cold. I start fidgeting with my jacket's zipper. Surely she didn't forget the time, right?
...Right?
Maybe she misremembered it? Maybe it's not the time yet? M- maybe she doesn't want to... No, no, it can't be. I'll go check the clock. I'm wrong, I must be. Maybe I'll check the library and ask Lilya?
I begin climbing the steps into the community centre, looking behind me every few steps. No... no sign of her. I open the door, glancing behind me for a final time. Nothing. When I enter the centre, I realise that I had been shivering. At least it's much toastier inside. I hug my arms together, so I might be a little warmer.
I'll go over to the library, just to check the clock. Hopefully she doesn't come by while I'm inside...
I enter the library, peering over towards the clock on the other side of the room. 5:00. I have been waiting since 4:10... I told her to come by at 4:30, right? Maybe she has some other things to do...
Ah, hello Asyenka. How are you today?
Hi, Lilya Ivanovna! I'm fine, thank you.
I'm just... waiting for a friend.
Hm... you wouldn't mean--
FINALLY!
I came an hour ago. Where were you?
Ira? Y-you were here? I was waiting for you outside! I didn't know you already came...
My voice cracks as Ira storms towards me. I freeze in fear - Ira's cold gaze pierces through me like a knife. I hope she understands that I didn't know... but she doesn't seem to. Ira sighs as she approaches me. Did her gaze soften? No - that can't be it, right? She's just preparing to scream at me, isn't she...?
It's fine, I guess. I didn't really have anything better to do anyway.
H-huh? It is? Y-you're not angry?
Not really. The library isn't the worst place to wait.
Why would I be mad at you, anyway?
I... nevermind. Sorry.
I told you, it's fine.
Now, come on, you wanted to come here. Let's go look at some books, hm? Where to first?
Um... the fiction section? That sounds like a good place to start... right?
That sounds... fine to me.
We peruse the shelves for a few minutes. It's all familiar to me, I know most of these titles by heart. I take a curious glance at a few books I haven't fully read before, maybe I'll read them this time? Beside me, Ira takes a copy of The Brothers Karamazov off the shelf, skimming through its pages.
...This is kind of boring. You like this kind of stuff?
W-well... yes. But there's some good books! Like... um, Faust, by Goethe... Frankenstein by Shelley... Crime and Punishment, by Dostoevsky...
Is everything you read philosophical?
Um... if you don't want to read something like that, then maybe... Moby Dick? It's an adventure story - American, too! It's about a sailor in a whaling crew, whose captain is obsessed with hunting this one whale... maybe you'd like it?
Are they like... pirates?
Oh, um, no - not exactly. I said they're whalers. T-that means they hunt whales.
Huh. Do they hunt whales for like... food or something?
Uh, it's more of a... commercial thing in America, I think?
There's a book on this in the nonfiction section, if I remember. A Treatise on--
Oh, no. I'm not interested in nonfiction. I'll just take your word for it.
You aren't?
I would rather... not think about this world more than I already do.
Oh- I, um, I see.
Well... anything else you like from here?
Ah- um, okay. Anyway, how about... Hamlet? It's a Shakespeare, if you like those. That's about a prince who's looking for revenge against his uncle, who killed his dad and married his mom... there's a lot of murder, though.
Oh, Shakespeare. I've read one of his.
You have? Which one?
...Romeo and Juliet.
Oh. I didn't really like that one...
I keep talking for a few minutes longer, pointing at a few of the books on the shelf for Ira to look at. As I talk more, it feels like the words come out of my mouth easier. At first, I felt some anxiety about what Ira would think... but I don't really think she cares. If she's having fun, then... I'm having fun too!
...But, anyway, if you know anything else, I'm up for recommendations!
Hm...
Ira stares intently at the bookshelf, in deep thought. Did she find something interesting? One of the books I like? And I used to think her taste in literature was crude! Hopefully she likes whatever she picks... If she doesn't, that would be a little embarrassing. It doesn't matter though, at least she'll read something I'm interested in!
...I'll take this one, then. Moby Dick.
Why are you smiling at me like that?
Oh- ah, um... it's nothing.
Anyway! Do you have anything you want to show me?
Hm.
Ira looks down at her book, brushing her hand across the cover. She pauses to think for a moment. She seems very deep in thought... until she answers me.
I do.
Oh, you do? What are--
Ira grabs me by the wrist and starts dragging me across the library.
H-hey?? Let go of me!!
Once Ira lets go, we're at the far corner of the library. I haven't been over here in a while. The books here don't look too familiar to me. These should be the horror, and romance novels... right? There seem to be magazines, too.
From looking at the titles... it looks like Ira's literature horizons are very different from mine - they're very... broad. I haven't really been a big fan of these genres, and I've only rarely read magazines. But still, I trust her judgement - after all, she did take one of the books I liked, from a genre she didn't seem to like...
Over here... hm...
These two magazines - they have The Master and Margarita. I think you'd like it. It's very... strange. Maybe that's why I like it? It's like... comedy? fantasy? satire? I don't really know how to describe it, honestly.
Oh- I've heard about this one actually!
I read the Mozkova a few months ago... it was mentioned in there, I think.
I haven't read it, though... is it good? It sounds really weird, from what you said.
If you can get into it... it's pretty good. It's kinda funny, too.
I see...
Anyway - over there, in the horror section...
There's The King in Yellow. It's like... a collection of some horror stories and romance stories - mostly romance, though.
I mean... I don't really like horror, either. I've just read it for...
...The romance, I guess.
R-romance? Do you like that?
I know what you're thinking. It's not like that.
They're just... good stories, okay? I'm not into anything... weird or whatever. I-I swear.
Uh, sure...
...
O-okay, okay!! I believe you!!
Heh. I'm just teasing you.
Hmph.
Pfft. Whatever.
Anyway, if you want, I can show you which stories are good.
Personally, I like Rue Barrée. There's a few others that are nice, too.
...Which ones are the horror stories?
Oh, it's like... the first five.
Why? You wanna read them?
I was just wondering...
I listen attentively as Ira speaks. I haven't gotten too many chances to listen to her when she talks... it's nice - especially when it's something she's passionate about. I take in the atmosphere of this moment. The warm light and the buzzing of the library's light-bulbs, the darkening, cloudy sky and snowfall outside the window, and the busied ramblings of Ira.
I know there wasn't a moment like this before, with me and her - and there probably won't be, ever again. She's going to leave, so I make sure I note every detail of this moment in my memory - so that it will be etched within my heart, forever. It can be a testament to my love for the universe, for allowing this - and for Ira, for... being Ira.
My heart is filled to the brim with all different feelings of love for everything about the universe. Joy, contentment, happiness, delight - it won't mind if I spare some part of my wealth of love to Ira, would it? She's part of the universe, after all. Even if she is a little eccentric...
Hey, you okay?
H-huh?
You were kinda just... staring at the shelf for a minute.
Were you just thinking? Did you decide on anything, or...?
Oh- right.
I'll take, um... The King in Yellow.
Hm. Nice choice.
Anyway, so... It's looking pretty late for you, isnt it? It's 5:30.
You sure you have some more time to spare? Your parents aren't expecting you soon?
If you need to, you can leave. I don't mind...
No, no! I can stay.
You're sure?
D-do you... want me to go?
I can stay, but if you want me to...
I was just going to-- Ah, nevermind.
It's fine. It can wait.
We'll stay here for as long as you want.
Does that sound good?
It does!
Let's go find somewhere to sit, then?
Hm, I like the corner - over there.
I was sitting there while I was waiting for you - it's a nice spot.
It's kinda hidden from the librarian, too.
Does that... matter?
Not really...? I just don't like anyone looking at me.
We can sit somewhere else if you'd like.
No... that's fine.
We both move over to the round table sitting in the corner, four chairs surround it. Ira slides her book across the table as I take a seat, closest to the corner. The book lands right in front of where I sit. Ira stands for a moment in confusion, staring at me.
Did I take her seat? Oops.
Did I- did I take your seat? Sorry, I'll--
No, it's fine. I'll just...
Scooch over.
Ira drags over a chair and places it beside me, she plops herself on the chair and cracks open her book. Well - she looks excited to read, at least. I look over towards mine, and leaf through the table of contents.
Let's see... Rue Barrée... the tenth story. I begin.
"Crimson nor yellow roses nor
The savour of the mounting sea
Are worth the perfume I adore
That clings to thee.
The languid-headed lilies tire,
The changeless waters weary me;
I ache with passionate desire
Of thine and thee.
There are but these things in the world--
Thy mouth of fire,
Thy breasts, thy hands, thy hair upcurled
And my desire."
...
Time passes. I sit in comfortable silence - even though we aren't talking, there feels to be a... mutual camraderie between us. We enjoy one another's presence - it's all I could ask for, right now.
Ira bounces her leg under the table, occasionally bumping into mine. I don't mind it, though. It fades into the atmosphere of the library.
Still, it's not like I could do anything about it, anyway... or even want to, for that matter.
Outside, what little day there was turns into night. The snow slowly halts falling, and the stars come out of their little hiding-places of the night.
Eventually, the librarian comes to check in on us.
You two are engrossed in your books, hm?
It's getting late - you two should go home and get some rest... it's a school day tomorrow, isn't it?
Oh... yes it is. Could I check my book out, please?
And mine, too?
Of course - I'll take them from you two.
The librarian takes our books, heading to the front desk. The two of us still sit at the table, a minute passes in silence.
Well... do you want to leave?
I mean... she's right, it's getting kind of late...
...But I want this moment to last longer. Forever. I don't want this to end.
Yet... something in the back of my mind tells me that everything must end. This moment, too, despite what I want.
Time moves on - the universe's line continues to be drawn. I can wish for whatever I want... but it's like standing in the middle of a river. Eventually I'll be carried away.
I've made every moment of Ira today count. That's all I can do. These past hours will forever be within me - I can carry her memory, as long as I remember.
Yes. Let's go.
Ira gets up from her seat - I follow afterwards, pushing both our chairs in as Ira walks to the front desk. I chase after her until we're walking at the same speed.
I've checked them both out already. Have a good night, Asyenka, Irochka.
You too, Lilya.
Mhm.
We both wave goodbye to Lilya, and leave the library.
Once we both leave the community centre, we walk out into the city's plaza. The cold winter night's wind bites at us. Even with my mittens on, the wind's chill still seeps into my skin.
The snow has stopped, for now. There's not very much on the ground - just enough to crunch under our footsteps. Far off, the lights of the residential block glimmer like the stars above on a clearer night.
Ira doesn't speak, I only hear her shaky breaths beside me. We walk down the steps onto the plaza in silence.
It's peaceful tonight, isn't it? The quiet town, the glimmering stars... and the company of Ira.
As we pass by the silver statue of the plaza, she tugs on my shoulder. I look back at her. Behind her, the light of the community centre allows me to see her silhouette. She looks tense.
Hey... Asya. I- um... need a cigarette.
I didn't have one earlier, so...
Do you want to... stay with me while I smoke?
Stay with you?
It's only a few minutes, so...
I can.
Ira nods, leaning against the statue and pulling out a carton of cigarettes and matches. She places a cigarette in her mouth, and offers the carton to me.
Before I can shake my head, she remembers I don't smoke, and puts the carton away.
Can you, uh... hold my book for me?
Don't accidentally want to set it on fire.
Oh- okay.
I take the book from her hands. After I do so, she strikes a match, and lights her cigarette.
I stare at the match's flame as Ira lights her cigarette. Its little flame wavers, dancing down the wood of the match. Under the matchlight, Ira's face is briefly illuminated - the warm light plays across her face, the flame glimmers in her eyes...
She looks beautiful.
Ira puts the match out. It's dark again, only the red-hot tip of her cigarette is visible through the night. She puffs, relaxing.
I hand Ira her book back.
Asya, I want to say, um...
Thank you... for tonight.
Thank... me? F-for what? Why?
For just... being friends with me?
I haven't always been friendly to you. Still... you've wanted to talk to me, to be friends. You're so... forgiving.
I just wanted to thank you for being with me tonight. And everything else.
I'm sorry I haven't said that before.
I'll have to... leave soon. I just wanted to tell you that before I left.
Ira, I-I don't know what to say...
It's fine. You don't need to say anything.
Just hearing it is enough for me.
And don't forget - finish the poem for me. Please.
Ira takes out the cigarette stub from her mouth, dropping it into the snow and stepping on it. Before I can even thank her or say something in return - she turns away, and leaves. I don't follow her, I've learnt it was useless before - it's too dark, anyway.
The sounds of her footsteps fade away - only I am left in the plaza. Words left unsaid linger in my mouth. Snow begins to fall once again, a chilly breeze ruffles my clothes and my hair. I look up at the sky, and sigh.
Overhead, a bird flies past.