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Under the luminescence of the starry night, Sasuke made his way to the spot he went to every night. He knew he didn’t have to hurry; he didn’t feel Naruto’s chakra being there yet. So he walked slowly, permitting himself to enjoy the chilling air of the night, the peaceful silence of the sleeping village, the dim light it was covered in.
When he arrived at the spot, he sat down in the grass, resting his back against a tree.
It was a spot just above the Hokage stone faces with a beautiful view of the entire village. Naruto chose this spot. And it was pretty, after all; Konoha was a beautiful village. And in the end, Sasuke found himself grateful for being able to live here.
Naruto was very late again. Of course he was, he always was. Sasuke rolled his eyes, cursing himself for falling in love with such an idiot. But he has accepted that a long time ago; Naruto being his one and only. No matter how many people he’s been with during his stays outside the village, how many people who claimed to genuinely love him; it just wasn’t the same. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t love them back, couldn’t turn one night into something that would last. Because the one he has always loved was Naruto, and only Naruto. And nothing in the world could ever change that.
Tired of waiting, Sasuke reached into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out with his teeth, setting the pack aside, reaching back into the pocket for a lighter.
He rested his head back against the tree as he slowly exhaled, watching the smoke swirl around, before it dissolved into the darkness.
Finally, he felt Naruto’s chakra approaching. Without a word, Naruto sat next to him, maintaining a bigger distance between them than Sasuke would like. Sasuke picked up the cigarette pack along with the lighter off the ground, reaching it towards Naruto, without taking his eyes off of the view of Konoha under the starry sky.
He felt Naruto take what he was offering him. He heard the sound of the pack being opened, the flick of the lighter, Naruto’s breath. In the corner of his eye, he saw a cloud of smoke.
“You’re late, loser.” Sasuke still didn’t dare to turn his head and look at Naruto. He wasn’t in the mood to have his mind flooded with all those thoughts, all those forbidden feelings he had about Naruto, all those memories from the time when they were seventeen and nothing else in the world mattered.
He heard Naruto chuckle. “So late you started without me.”
Sasuke closed his eyes, unable to suppress the smile that was forced onto him, as he realized that hearing Naruto’s voice was perfectly enough for those thoughts to start flowing. “May I ask what took you so long?”
“Hinata,” Naruto sighed. “She noticed that I’m sneaking out at night. And had… questions, you know.”
Sasuke couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath, before he took another drag. “Didn’t you say you leave a shadow clone in the bed with her, for the very reason that something like this wouldn’t happen?”
“Well…” Naruto took a bit to collect his thoughts. “She woke up at the exact moment I made the shadow clone. And…well… I couldn’t think of an excuse why I would make a shadow clone in the middle of the night… It’s pretty obvious, after all.”
“And what did you tell her? I’m leaving a shadow clone to sleep with you every single night, because the real me goes out to smoke cigarettes with the boy I fucked when I was seventeen?”
“Sasuke.” This assertive tone of Naruto’s never failed to shut Sasuke’s mouth. He always used it when Sasuke mentioned anything Naruto considered as crossing the line. The line of friendship between two men who have been in love with each other for their entire lives, yet still got married to women they were supposed to be with and had children with them, because that’s how it’s supposed to be. Which was supposed to make their love vanish, fade away, just like that cigarette smoke. It was supposed to, yet it didn’t. The love has remained. And it was as strong as ever.
Sasuke was so sick of it. He was so sick of pretending in order to fit in. He was so incredibly sick of pretending Naruto wasn’t the love of his life, the only one he ever cared about, the one and only reason he returned to Konoha, the one and only reason he kept on living, even at times when dying would be the most logical thing to do.
Yet he wasn’t allowed to say it out loud anymore. Every time he tried, Naruto put a stop to it. And Sasuke wasn’t really sure how much more of that he could take. In fact, he had no idea how he was still able to keep all this within himself.
“Sakura surely knows something is up, probably thinks I’m cheating on her, but she never confronted me with it,” Sasuke slightly changed the subject. “I’ve always been like this, after all.”
“Like what?”
“Like… Not really being there. We live together. Raise a child together. But other than that, there’s nothing really… there. Neither from my side nor hers. She may be cheating on me as well, she seems to be elsewhere when we’re together. And I’m also elsewhere. There was never really anything between us to begin with. So we just live together and play the life we were supposed to have in order to fit in. And there’s just… nothing there.”
“What, like…” Naruto took another drag, before finishing the sentence. “She doesn’t require you to… be intimate with her? In bed?”
Sasuke sharply exhaled. “No, thank god. I’d just be thinking of you anyway.” He lowered his voice, as if whispering it wouldn’t attack the walls Naruto has built around himself so harshly, as if it would just gently touch them. He even dared to add: “Just like you do, when you have sex with Hinata.”
Naruto didn’t deny it. He just let out a sigh, continuing to smoke his cigarette in silence.
Sasuke took that as a permission to push even further. “I bet she doesn’t even know that you smoke.”
“I only smoke because you keep offering me, you know!” Naruto defended himself.
“I keep offering you, because you always accept,” Sasuke simply stated. “Because it’s the most intimate thing you allow me to do with you,” he muttered under his breath.
“I only smoke because you never stopped,” Naruto added, and that defensive tone in his voice wasn’t there anymore.
“Can you blame me?” Sasuke asked. Not as a confrontation, but as a simple question. The question stayed unanswered, slowly fading away into the comforting silence they shared, occasionally interrupted by the sounds of the night’s wildlife, their breathing, or cloth brushing against itself when they moved their hand to take a drag.
“Why…” Sasuke started, already regretting what he’s about to say. But it needed to be said. “Why can’t we just…” It was so hard to say it out loud. It was so hard to hear the cold rejection, the same excuse over and over again. But at this point, Sasuke was desperate. Desperate enough to keep trying, hoping that something would change. “Why won’t you… just… let me love you?”
The breath Naruto let out was devastating for Sasuke to hear. He’s just hurting Naruto by doing this. By being as close as Naruto allows him to be. By saying things Naruto doesn’t want to hear, asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer. But Sasuke was being hurt too. By Naruto’s silence, by the distance he kept between them, that wasn’t close enough to touch, but not far enough to stop the feelings that arise every single one of those nights. Because Naruto wanted him, Sasuke knew that damn well. It was breaking his heart; watching Naruto get hurt by his very own, way too strong sense of what’s right and what’s wrong.
“Because we’re not seventeen anymore,” Naruto said, after the silence stretched for so long that the tension became unbearable. “We’re adults now. We’re not kids who can mess around anymore. We have responsibility now. We have wives, families. It would be cheating, if we…” Naruto paused. He was unable to say it out loud. “And cheating is wrong.”
“Fuck, Naruto,” Sasuke laughed without a single hint of happiness in that laugh. The sound he just made was so filled with quiet desperation and suppressed frustration, that Sasuke almost felt ashamed for even opening his mouth. But he was too sleep deprived to care, too drunk on the vivid memory of how Naruto’s lips used to feel on his skin to think about the possible consequences of what he was about to spill out. Because all he wanted was to experience that again. And it was so close to him, for all these years, it was so incredibly close, always within reach. But Naruto never reached back. And when Sasuke tried to reach first, Naruto refused with the same old excuse that didn’t make any sense in Sasuke’s eyes.
It was always only a matter of time when this would send him over the edge. And it seemed to have finally happened. “You just keep saying that, you just keep saying that it’s wrong. But don’t you feel it’s wrong to lie to her like this? To feed her with lies about how much you love her, about how she’s the only one, when we both know that it’s not true?”
Naruto seemed to be speechless. Which meant that there was nothing to stop Sasuke from rambling out his entire heart. So as much as he felt like he probably should have, he didn’t stop. He spoke everything that came to mind. Even the things he should have never said. Especially the things he should have never said.
“Tell me, Naruto, how is it not wrong to keep hurting the one you love the most like this? How is it not wrong to force me to watch you keep playing the act of a happy family, while I know damn well that you’re not happy at all, we both know that damn well. And you know what? It doesn’t even bother me that I’m hurting, I’m already used to that, but you, Naruto, you are hurting so much, and it’s destroying me to see you hurt yourself like this, it’s destroying me to see you put on that smile that I know isn’t sincere, because the only sincere smile I’ve seen you put on in the last fifteen years was when you’re looking at me.”
Naruto was still silent. And Sasuke still couldn’t stop that stream of everything he’s been trying so hard to suppress for so long, everything that was now being all spilled. All the truths that were left unsaid being exposed now, verbalized into something that couldn’t be just ignored or brushed away anymore.
“Is this what you want, Naruto? Do you just want to keep pretending we’re not in love since we were kids? That even after all these years, it still feels the same? You keep me close, because you can’t imagine your life without me. Yet you still don’t let me touch you. You drown yourself in the misery of—”
“God, just shut up already!” Naruto finally said, his voice trembling. He forced those words out through sobs.
And Sasuke’s seemingly unstoppable rambling was finally put to an end, leaving him to realize what he had just done.
He didn’t even realize that with every sentence, his voice was slightly raising. He couldn’t hear how desperately Naruto tried to suppress his sobs. He could feel Naruto’s chakra, he could feel how it grew more and more disturbed with every single word he said.
But he didn’t realize it. He didn’t realize it for so long that Naruto had to cut him off. God knows what else he could have said if he wasn’t stopped. It was so selfish of him, so incredibly selfish that just leaving without a single word would have been less selfish.
Sasuke wanted to pull out his sword and stab himself in the heart with it, although the pain of that probably wouldn’t even come near to the damage he’s just caused to Naruto’s.
For the first time tonight, he dared to turn his head towards Naruto, just to see him all wrapped up in himself and trembling. He was hugging his legs with his arms, holding the smouldering cigarette in his hand, his head on his knees, trying to hide himself away from everything. And Sasuke realized that despite being the Hokage now, Naruto was still just that little kid he ended up on team 7 with. They both were.
Sasuke slowly pushed himself closer to Naruto, as if he was waiting for permission. Because that’s what he probably should do. But he couldn’t just watch Naruto cry. He couldn’t leave Naruto alone in pain that he inflicted on him. He couldn’t do that to him again.
So he slowly wrapped his arm around Naruto. And Naruto didn’t try to move away, like he always would, it was quite the opposite. He slowly relaxed his muscles, leaning into the hug that was being offered to him. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s torso, burying his head in Sasuke’s chest, letting him comfort him with those gentle back strokes Naruto has always loved so much.
And as much as Sasuke hated to admit it, he fell in love with this moment.
He felt like they were kids again; just innocent little kids, who loved each other with no shame, no regret, and nothing in their way to stop them. And he wanted it to stay like this forever.
Naruto stopped trembling, stopped sobbing, his breathing calmed down. But he didn’t pull away from the hug. “You’re right. Everything you said is true,” he said. “And I hate you for it, you know.”
“I know, I know,” Sasuke mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
“Why does it all have to be this hard?” Naruto’s grip around Sasuke tightened. “Every time I try to build a normal life for myself, one look at you is enough for everything, for me, to fall apart.”
“But you just can’t stop looking…” Sasuke’s hand made its way to Naruto’s cheek, slowly lifting his head up, until their eyes met. “I can’t either.”
“I just… don’t know what to do.”
“Well… What do you want to do?”
“You,” Naruto said straight forward, probably scaring himself with how straight forward that answer was. But well, it just happened to be the truth. He broke the eye contact and Sasuke noticed a slight blush on his cheeks. “But…”
“But we’re not seventeen anymore,” Sasuke finished the thought for him.
Naruto lightly nodded, closing his eyes and hiding his face in Sasuke’s chest again.
Sasuke looked up at the sky to see a shooting star. For the first time in his life, he used it as an excuse to make a wish; please let this work out well.
Because he wanted it. He wanted it so bad. And he knew that Naruto did too. So why should they both suffer, when they can just allow themselves to have this moment together? Only the two of them, shamelessly loving each other under the stars again?
He took a deep breath. “One night,” he breathed out.
Naruto looked back up at him. “What?”
“One night, we’re seventeen again. We’re seventeen. And we love each other. We love each other with no thoughts about anything else in the world, and with no regrets.”
Naruto smiled. His guard was torn apart now, stripped to the core. His willpower to do what was right was weakened by suddenly having Sasuke so close again after all these years. His willpower to keep pushing Sasuke out of his mind was gone. Naruto’s feelings for him was all that was left. Those feelings he always wanted to act on so bad, but always stopped himself. But this time, he decided not to. This one time, he allowed himself to feel. “We’re seventeen. Don’t make me regret this.” And he pulled Sasuke into a kiss.
The kiss was long. Hungry, demanding, passionate. It brought tears into Naruto’s eyes.
Sasuke felt dizzy. This couldn’t be real, could it? Naruto’s lips; after all these years, they still tasted the same. It didn’t feel any different at all, Naruto was still as warm as he used to be, still the same cheerful soul that was making Sasuke want to give up everything, sacrifice everything, just for the sake of this boy. He would fight for him, he would die for him, he would kill everyone and destroy the entire world, if it was for him.
It was worth waiting. It was worth waiting for so long for this. Sasuke felt how Naruto was wetting both their cheeks with his tears. Sasuke felt like he could start crying too; as if all the emotions he’s been sealing inside his head were suddenly set free, spreading throughout his entire body. He was capable of handling a lot of difficult situations, but such an huge explosion of such an intense emotion wasn’t something he was really used to. The last time he felt like this was when…
“The Fourth Great Ninja War has just ended…” he whispered in between the kisses. “We returned back to the village together.”
Naruto half chuckled, half sobbed. “I finally brought you back!”
They broke the kiss, staring into each other’s eyes.
“You did, you finally did.” Sasuke smiled. “And then I was put in prison here, while you were waiting for your new arm and working on becoming a Jonin.”
“They didn’t let me see you for the longest time, you know, and I wanted to see you so bad.”
“And then one day, they finally let you.”
Naruto threw his arms up. “And I hated what I saw!” he spoke in an upset tone, as if it didn’t happen years ago, as if he felt equally as strongly about it as when it actually happened back then. “I couldn’t believe they would be holding you like that, all restrained, and you couldn’t see, and you couldn’t move at all, and—”
“It was understandable, though,” Sasuke jumped in. “I killed Danzo, I tried to kill all the five Kage, I tried to kill you even.”
“—and so I ran to Kakashi,” Naruto continued without processing what Sasuke had said, “and I begged him, I begged him to let you go, because you didn’t deserve this—”
“Well, I did deserve that,” Sasuke jumped in again, and it still didn’t stop Naruto’s rambling.
“—and he really did, he listened to me, he did let you go!”
Sasuke chuckled. “Of course he did, he always had a soft spot for us. Us as in the entire team 7, but honestly, it was especially for you, Naruto.”
“And then you left again.”
“And you were waiting for me at the—”
“—Valley of the End,” Naruto finished.
“It was just the way we left it,” Sasuke noted. “Entirely destroyed. Even that blood stain from our arms was still there. You pointed out it was the shape of a heart.”
“Oh, yeah, it was,” Naruto chuckled. “I wanted to give you a proper goodbye. Without all the others around. And this place seemed to be just perfect for that. I wanted to talk to you. Make you promise that you’ll come back this time.”
“You wanted way more than that, it was so obvious.” Sasuke reached for this headband. “I did too, and we both knew that damn well. So how about we stop talking and get what we want?”
Naruto smiled like the purest piece of sunshine, while frantically nodding. Sasuke put the headband onto Naruto’s eyes, trying to tie it up with his hand and failing.
“You’re gonna have to do this yourself again, though. I’m still missing that arm.”
“Oh, yeah, right,” Naruto laughed, tying the headband over his eyes at the back of his head.
Sasuke hugged him around his shoulders and gently placed him down on the ground right in front of him. Naruto spread his arms, stretching himself.
The sight brought tears to Sasuke’s eyes, but not enough for them to stream down his face. He blinked a few times to get rid of them. He didn’t do anything just yet. He wanted to appreciate the sight he had in front of him right now, because god knows if he’ll ever get to see it again. The consequences of this could be brutal. But he didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about anything at all. He had Naruto spread right in front of him, waiting for Sasuke to take him, to do anything he wishes to do to him. Just like when they were seventeen. And there was a lot of stuff Sasuke wished to do to him right now.
He kneeled above Naruto, his knees gently touching each side of Naruto’s hips. And then he leaned towards him, supporting the weight of his body with his arm, which he placed above Naruto’s head.
“Ow!” Naruto screamed fifteen years ago, because Sasuke had accidentally pulled his hair by doing that. But that didn’t happen now. Sasuke wasn’t as clumsy as he used to be with his one arm. And Naruto’s hair has also gotten shorter.
Sasuke leaned even more towards Naruto. “You don’t need to see me,” he whispered into Naruto’s ear, his lips gently brushing over it as he spoke, “when you can just feel me.”
The sensation of his lips gave Naruto shivers.
At the Valley of the End, Sasuke didn’t want Naruto to see him. It was the first time in years they were together without Sasuke trying to kill him. It would have been really awkward, if it wasn’t for Naruto, who acted as if nothing happened, as if they picked up right where they left off before everything started going down. But Sasuke wasn’t able to do that. He carried too much shame; shame for what he did, as well as shame for what he wanted now, and was selfishly taking it from Naruto. He didn’t want him to see that shame in his eyes. He didn’t want Naruto to see the reason they both lost their arms and nearly died. That reason being him.
And right now, nothing really changed. On top of that long forgotten shame, Sasuke was now carrying the feelings of guilt; guilt for talking Naruto into this, guilt for pushing and pushing, until Naruto broke and agreed to something he’s been refusing for years, because he felt it was wrong, he felt it was a betrayal to the normal life he’s built for himself. But it was too late now for that. It would probably happen sooner or later anyway. They were soulmates, after all. Denying that forever would be impossible.
Sasuke pressed a few kisses onto Naruto’s ear, before gently biting it. From there, he moved onto Naruto’s cheek, pressing kisses all over it. His nose, his forehead, his other cheek; all the exposed skin on Naruto’s face would get kissed, Sasuke would remark on his territory, just like he did back then. He would make sure that no piece of Naruto’s skin would be left unkissed. He kissed, he licked, he bit Naruto’s skin, as if he wanted to devour him whole.
With that same attitude, he moved to Naruto’s lips, kissing him sloppily and hungrily, salivating so much that the wet streams would escape from the sides of Naruto’s mouth. Sometimes Sasuke broke the kiss to lick those streams off, sometimes he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, because abusing Naruto’s mouth with his own wasn’t something that was easy to give up, as it sent him into states of familiar possessiveness, neediness for more and more, and honestly, just straight up passion and love fueled insanity.
When he finally pulled away and decided to once again admire the beauty of Naruto just submitting himself to him like this, he realized that Naruto was in pretty much the same insane state as himself.
“Naruto, I—” Sasuke choked on the mix of Naruto’s and his own saliva, as he didn’t realize how much of it actually stayed in his mouth from that make out session. He harshly swallowed it all. “I want to touch you. I want to touch you so bad. You think you could… you know.”
Naruto giggled. “I know.” He picked his arms up from the ground with what seemed to be a considerable effort, and put his hands on each side of Sasuke’s chest. “Go ahead. Touch me.”
Sasuke carefully leaned onto Naruto’s hands, which acted as his additional support from collapsing right onto Naruto, when he lifted his own arm off the ground and used it to touch Naruto’s cheek.
“Your entire face is wet,” Sasuke stated.
“I wonder whose fault is that,” Naruto replied, before using his newly gained power over Sasuke’s entire body to lower him down onto himself and pull him into another kiss, which turned into yet another sloppy and messy make out session that Sasuke wished would last forever.
But there was way more than that, way more he wished to do to Naruto tonight.
His hand travelled from Naruto’s cheek to his neck. He wrapped his fingers around it right under Naruto’s chin, and pressed down, choking Naruto not enough that he couldn’t breathe, but enough for him to whimper.
Without wasting any time at all, Sasuke took this opportunity to throw himself on Naruto’s neck and provide it with the same careful care he performed on his face and lips before, the careful care Naruto deserves. He was biting his neck, sucking on his skin, trying to feed himself with the lie that he hopes it doesn’t leave marks. Because in reality, he kind of hoped it would. He kind of hoped that whenever he sees Naruto again, he’ll as well see the marks of love on his neck, the marks that Sasuke made himself, with love and passion, just for Naruto. He kind of even wished for everyone to see. For everyone to see who Naruto belongs to. But he could only dream of that.
His hand was slowly moving down Naruto’s neck, until it reached the zipper of his jacket, which he didn’t hesitate to unzip and reveal even more skin of Naruto’s that required to be kissed all over. His hand slid under the clothing from below, and as he occupied his mouth with Naruto’s collar bones, he was feeling around Naruto’s curves, his belly, hips, waist, his skin that felt so incredibly soft to the touch Sasuke wished he could touch it even more and more, he wished to feel Naruto’s skin against his own.
Sasuke sat up on Naruto, pulling his arms out of the jacket he just unzipped, which gained him access to Naruto’s shoulders. The feeling of regret surfaced within him as he saw Naruto’s bandaged right arm, which wasn’t really his, due to Sasuke’s past actions. He didn’t leave space for that feeling to overtake him, he didn’t want his messed up mind to ruin this precious moment for him. He touched Naruto’s left shoulder, gently sliding his fingers over his entire arm, all the way down to his fingertips. He held Naruto’s hands, intertwining their fingers. He lifted Naruto’s arm up and pressed it onto the ground right next to Naruto’s head.
Naruto’s lips were slightly parted. And Sasuke couldn’t help but to kiss them once again.
Next, he kissed Naruto’s chest. He used his tongue to outline all the curves of Naruto’s body that he loved so much. Piece by piece, he got lower and lower, sliding his tongue through all the curves of the muscles on Naruto’s stomach, circling his belly button, until he got all the way down to the rim of his pants.
With no hesitation, he tore them off of Naruto and spread his legs to demandingly and hungrily start kissing his inner thighs. Naruto brought his hands to his face, covering it with his palms, as he whined in pleasure.
Oh boy, did Sasuke like the sound of that.
He gave Naruto’s inner thighs extra care. Maybe because Naruto’s skin was so soothing, smooth and supple, maybe because he loved to hear Naruto make those sounds, knowing damn well that they’re his doing, and loving every single second of it. He just couldn’t help himself. He had to keep going and going, pressing kisses, biting, licking, sucking, making Naruto produce even more of those sweet moans that were like music to Sasuke’s ears, and hundreds and thousands times better than that.
Suddenly, he felt Naruto’s hand grabbing his hair, pulling him up, separating his lips from that delightfulness he’s been drowning in for the past god-knows-how-long. Sasuke frowned, as he was very displeased by that happening.
Naruto’s entire body was gleaming under the glow of the moon and the stars, all the beautiful curves and shapes illuminated perfectly, and Sasuke would have thought he might as well be seeing an angel, an embodiment of perfection, of god itself, if there even was such a thing, he didn’t even know anymore.
Even though Naruto was blindfolded, it felt like he was staring right back at him. He didn’t need to see Sasuke, after all, when he could just feel him.
A mischievous smile creeped its way into his expression. “Take it,” he whispered alluringly, as he was pulling Sasuke’s hair, puppeteering him right into his crotch. “Take it whole. Like a good boy.”
And Sasuke took it whole. Because he was a good boy. For Naruto? Always.
Naruto was conducting Sasuke’s head, using and abusing his mouth however he wished to. And Sasuke found himself in a state of pure ecstasy. After all, he loved being used and abused, but exclusively by Naruto; his one and only, his light, his sun.
A sun that shined way too bright, so bright that Sasuke could see nothing but the light, think of nothing but the light. It was burning his skin, blinding his eyes, frying his brain to a crisp, taking away his soul and putting it back brightened, purified of everything that stained it, cleansed of everything that weighed it down. Sasuke was drowning in the light, choking on the warmth and craving even more of it. He was so addicted to it. He would let it burn him alive, pull him apart and put him back together, destroy him entirely. And he wouldn’t stop even in death. He wouldn’t stop chasing after it, wanting to be burnt by it, again and again.
His eyes were closed, and yet he was seeing stars. He felt dizzy in the best way possible.
Until it all stopped so out of nowhere that all Sasuke managed to come up with as a reaction to the sudden absence of what felt like everything that was right in the entire world was an unexpectedly high-pitched, embarrassingly desperate whining.
Naruto pulled Sasuke up by his hair with one hand, pulling his blindfold up to his forehead with the other, and staring somewhere into the darkness behind him.
“Ah, shit,” he mumbled, before he looked back down at Sasuke. “Somebody’s coming.”
“Fuck.” Sasuke’s voice broke and he felt as if his soul was cruelly kicked right back into his body, immediately becoming fully alert. After what he was just experiencing, the violent shock of becoming aware of reality again felt fatal. He cleared his throat, as he reached for Naruto’s arm, helping him lift himself off of the ground.
Naruto pulled his pants up and hastily slipped into his jacket without bothering to zip it up. “The cigarettes, don’t forget the cigarettes,” he commanded Sasuke, who managed to grab them off the ground, before Naruto grabbed his wrist and rather harshly dragged him along, as he started fleeing.
“Wait, Naruto, the lighter,”Sasuke attempted to protest.
“Just leave it, we gotta run,” Naruto yelled with a tone in his voice that was just straight up amusement. An innocent, childish amusement.
Sasuke looked back to see a shadowy figure, who seemed to be running after them. Jokes on them, Sasuke thought. Jokes on them for trying to catch up to the Lord Seventh’s speed. Sasuke could barely keep up in his current condition; if he wasn’t being dragged by force, his body would probably give out. He felt as if Naruto’s grip on his wrist was loosening.
The tomoe in his Rinnegan spun around a few times, as he aimed a genjutsu at their pursuer. He was satisfied with himself, when he saw the silhouette fall to the ground.
In the meantime, Naruto progressively let go of Sasuke’s wrist completely, snatching the cigarette pack from his hand. Now that Sasuke wasn’t busy dealing with the intruder in their way, he turned back at Naruto, focusing on picking up speed and keeping up with him. He was still a little behind, though. He could keep up the pace with an arms length between them, but he couldn’t catch up entirely.
He noticed Naruto breathed out a cloud of smoke. When he turned his head back to Sasuke, he had a lit cigarette in his mouth, and that very same mischievous smile.
“You got the lighter?” Sasuke asked. Naruto shook his head, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and reaching his arm back to Sasuke, who gladly accepted Naruto’s offering. Despite still not entirely catching his breath, he took a drag, while Naruto pulled another cigarette out of the pack.
“Now, watch this.” Naruto brought the cigarette up to his mouth. “Fire Style: lighter.”
The tiniest flame came out of Naruto’s mouth. He lit his cigarette with it. Then took a drag.
Sasuke, still so incredibly high on Naruto’s overwhelming presence, lack of oxygen, rapidly increasing blood flow in his brain, adrenaline, dopamine, and probably every happy hormone in existence, bursted out with laughter. “What is that?”
“That’s Fire Style!” Naruto declared. “You, of all people, should know the best, Uchiha.” As a response to Sasuke’s laugh, he started laughing as well. And Sasuke felt like hearing that beautiful, genuine laugh was fixing everything that was wrong with him. He was convinced that Naruto’s laugh had the power to shatter the entirety of the five great nations into pieces.
“That was like,” Sasuke forced out through all the laughs and heavy breathes, “a taunt to the Uchiha!”
“Oh yeah? Well, you’re always all about giant fireballs, or powerful flame dragons, or whatever, and how would that help you, if you just needed to light a cigarette, you know?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes, still laughing. “I would have my lighter, if it wasn’t for you, loser.”
Naruto suddenly stopped, turning on his heel, letting himself fall back first into the grass of the meadow they currently found themselves in.
Sasuke, failing to recollect himself enough to react to that, tripped over Naruto’s foot and landed right on top of him.
“You dare to call my very practical Fire Style a taunt of the Uchiha?” Naruto was still laughing. They seemed to have entered a laughing spiral that wouldn’t end anytime soon. “Isn’t reacting fast supposed to be your main thing or something?”
“Oh, shut up,” Sasuke rolled off of Naruto, landing on his back in the grass right next to him.
Sasuke stared into the sky, finally having time to catch his breath. He was trying so hard to take deep breaths, but Naruto’s never ending laughter would only make him laugh even harder.
“You used your Rinnegan on him?!” Naruto suddenly asked, almost screaming, which didn’t help the unstoppable laughing situation at all.
“I had to!” Sasuke was gasping for air, chuckling as much as his body allowed him to do in his current state. It wasn’t like he was doing it on purpose.
With prolonged silence, the laughter slowly died out, replaced by the sounds of both of them heavily breathing. As Sasuke’s high was slowly passing, his ability of rational thinking was slowly coming back. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all.
He took a drag of the cigarette he almost forgot he was holding.
“I wiped his memory,” he breathed out. “He probably didn’t recognise us. But there’s still a chance he did, so to be safe, I wiped his memory. If he had recognised us, the word would have travelled around fast. And it would turn into a disaster.”
“Oh—” Naruto sounded as if he just realized the extent of the situation they found themselves in. “Yeah— Umm…” He paused. And Sasuke realized he’s probably ruined the moment forever. “A… disaster.”
“Maybe…” Sasuke tested his luck again. He felt Naruto. Their sides were gently touching. And once again, Sasuke didn’t dare to look at him. “Maybe I should wipe your memory as well. To… to make things easier… for you.”
“No!” Naruto spat out immediately. “...yes?” he followed moments later with weakness in his voice. “I don’t know!” He hid his face in his palms. “I want to remember this, you know… But… Oh god, what have I done…”
The moment Sasuke noticed Naruto’s voice breaking apart, he pulled him into a.hug. He’s causing Naruto pain again, he might as well comfort him. But this was unavoidable. They both still had their actual lives, after all. And Sasuke wouldn’t really mind letting it go, and pretending like nothing happened. Repeating this every single night, and then pretending nothing happened when the sun rises above the horizon. But he knew that for Naruto, it wasn’t that simple.
“I want to remember this,” Naruto sobbed. “Nothing ever feels so good as it does when you’re with me. When you’re holding me. It’s like I’m missing a piece when you’re away. And… And when you’re here, when you’re with me… It’s like I’m complete.”
Sasuke couldn’t help but smile. “I feel the same way about you.”He caressed Naruto’s hair. “Breathe, Naruto. Breathe with me. Let’s have you calmed down first, and then we can solve this together, okay?”
Naruto softly nodded and breathed with Sasuke; slow, deep breaths. They breathed in harmony, and Naruto was slowly starting to calm down. Sasuke held him gently, letting him have all the time he needed. Being patient was the least Sasuke could do for him right now.
And for the moment, everything was alright again.
Sasuke wanted to remain silent more than anything in the world. Opening his mouth would mean having to leave this moment of comfort they created together, the precious moment in which they isolated themselves from everything, from their lives, from the village, from everything. Talking about tomorrow meant not only talking about Naruto and himself. Talking about tomorrow meant having to take too many things into consideration as well; their wives, their kids, their status of a shinobi, ranked higher than anyone else in the village. And Sasuke didn’t want that, he didn’t want to fall back into the normalcy that was forced upon him by coming back to the village. But still, coming back was worth it. For Naruto.
He didn’t want to continue the life he was supposed to live. He just got a taste of the life he actually wanted. Having to fall back into the cycle and continue his normal life after this seemed impossible.
As much as he wished there was no tomorrow, it was inevitable. It needed to be talked about. And Naruto seemed calm enough now to be able to do that.
“Are you… are you gonna tell her?” he asked, still holding Naruto tight. “About this?”
“It would be the right thing to do,” Naruto said immediately. Then he took some time to think about what to say next, taking a drag in the meantime. “The right thing to do would be to apologize to her. Tell her that I don’t know what happened. That it will never happen again. That I love her, and only her.”
“But that would be a lie.”
Naruto nodded. “Yeah…”
“Well,” Sasuke has decided to steer the topic a different way, “I’m definitely telling Sakura, if she ever asks. She’s been rooting for us, in the early days at least, she told me about it once. I assume she still does, since her attitude regarding the topic hasn't really changed since then.”
“What?!” Naruto gasped, lightly punching Sasuke’s shoulder with his fist. “Why didn’t you tell me about this when I asked you about her before?”
“I didn’t want it to be the reason for you to decide you want to do this, I wanted you to decide on your own. I didn’t want to make you feel like you have to.”
Naruto slightly giggled. “Yet you seduced me anyway.”
“You let yourself be seduced, you loser.”
That made Naruto laugh. It wasn’t that careless laugh like before anymore. But it was still sincere; it was still Naruto’s genuine laugh. If Naruto was able to laugh, Sasuke was sure everything would work out somewhat fine. Or at least he hoped so.
“When I look at how all the other girls our age turned out to be as wives, after all I’m glad that I married Sakura. When it had to be one of them. When it couldn’t be you.”
Naruto sighed. “I wish it was me.”
“I wish it was you.”
“We can only dream of that,” Naruto disclosed, “like we did at the Valley of the End.”
“Oh, yeah, we did that.” A smile made its way to Sasuke’s expression, when the memory of this resurfaced in his mind. They were seventeen again. “We fantasised about returning to the village together, getting married, waking up and falling asleep next to each other every single day. Growing old together, dying of old age in each other’s arms.”
“And you noted that we're shinobi, that we probably wouldn’t die in each other's arms of old age, but of a fatal injury in the middle of a battlefield somewhere.”
“I still stand by that,” Sasuke admitted. “Every single day, I expect to die in your arms.”
“Did you forget what I told you at the Valley?” Naruto argued. “If you die, we both die. I still stand by that, too, you know?”
And Sasuke just smiled, pink blush spreading across his face, as he was once again met with the realization that this was still the same old Naruto; the one he’s been on team 7 with, the one who never gave up on him. The one he loved before he even knew what love is.
“We were also never interrupted at the Valley, unlike today,” Sasuke noted. “What a shame, we didn’t get to do the part I was looking forward to the most.”
Naruto let out a chuckle. “I was looking forward to it too. What a shame. We should have just gone to the Valley again.”
“Maybe…” Sasuke hesitated. “Maybe we can do that some other time? And finish what we started?”
Naruto pretended to think about it deeply. Then he looked back at Sasuke, showing off that mischievous smile of his once again. “Maybe…”
The birds were starting to sing their morning songs and the sky was slowly brightening, awaiting for the sun to rise. Sasuke was still sitting on that meadow, smoking a cigarette he lit with what Naruto dared to call a Fire Style jutsu. It wasn’t hard to do at all, since all it was was just a tiny flame. It was all about chakra control and it was also pretty much just useless, since ninjutsu was supposed to be used for fighting; the entire point of mastering a jutsu was to use it as a power. But at last, for lighting a cigarette, it wasn’t so bad.
Naruto was asleep on Sasuke’s lap, wrapped in his coat. He still had Sasuke’s headband tied around his head.
It was all exactly like fifteen years ago.
That was the time Sasuke smoked his first cigarette. With the sunrise slowly approaching, with Naruto asleep on his lap, after loving each other under the stars for the entire night. By the time the sun had climbed above the horizon, Sasuke was gone, leaving Naruto alone, sleeping at the Valley. The only thing Naruto would have left from him when he woke up would be the coat and the memory. And probably a few love marks on his neck.
And here he was, in the very same situation as back then. Daytime was inevitably approaching, and Sasuke couldn’t decide what to do.
I should erase his memory, he kept thinking over and over again. Even though Naruto asked him not to, the thought was still on his mind.
He looked down at Naruto, of how soundly was sleeping. He put the cigarette in his mouth, so he could slide his fingers over Naruto’s flushed cheeks, his cheekbones, that Leaf headband on his forehead, with a scratch over the symbol, a scratch Naruto put there himself the first time they were at the Valley of the End together. It was like a symbol of Naruto’s love, of how he never gave up to save his loved one from spiraling into darkness, into the never ending cycle of hatred.
Naruto was such a precious being, way too good for this world. He was adorable, not only by appearance, but by his heart, too. Sasuke could never get enough of him.
The tomoe in his Rinnegan circled around their orbits. Sasuke closed the eye for now and bent his head over Naruto, observing his unconscious form. He was drooling on Sasuke’s lap a little bit, but that was the last of Sasuke’s current concerns.
After all, Naruto barely ever knew what was best for him. Sasuke would love to decide that for him, but he didn’t know any better.
Maybe he should leave again. Leave Naruto alone, with the only things left of him being the coat and the memory. And maybe a few lovemarks on his neck as well. Disappear from his life, so he doesn’t have to choose, so he doesn’t have to put everything on the line just for Sasuke, again. Because Naruto would do that, always, with no hesitation. He’d sacrifice everything, his dreams, the life he built for himself; Sasuke has watched him do that before. He didn’t feel like he deserved all that, he didn’t deserve this much of Naruto’s love.
Maybe he should just disappear.
But what difference would that make? It wasn’t like being away from Naruto would make the feelings less strong. If anything, it was the other way around. He couldn’t do that to Naruto again, he couldn't do that to himself either. Naruto would drop everything and chase after him either way.
What were his options, even? What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to fix this? There was no way to fix this, no way at all. Whatever happens next, whatever Sasuke does, both of them will be hurting. Both of them will have to make sacrifices.
Maybe he should just disappear.
The line between right and wrong was blurring.
The sun has risen above the horizon.
Sasuke looked down at Naruto and didn’t do anything. Anything at all.