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Later, Nico would blame it on the coffee. Even after many long years, the smell made the omega perch up in search for just a single person, always reminded by it.
Later, Nico would blame his upcoming heat, he had known it would come soon and still he had been careless. He wasn't sixteen anymore; he knew what heats felt like and how they impacted his body, and still he had not been careful enough to avoid the certain places he knew irritated him, just for a week.
That was how he found himself in Toto's office, pacing along the room restlessly. His usually careful styled hair was ruffled up after he had ran his hands through it countless times, tugging at the blond strands as if they could distract him from anything.
"Nico, just-" Toto sighed, trying to hide his annoyance as he copied Nico's move. "Sit down, will you?"
Nico didn't want to, but he relented and dropped himself in the chair opposite of Toto.
"Now, will you please explain to me what is going on?"
He had to catch his thoughts for a second, as if it was not obvious to everyone on the paddock what was going on. They had all seen it, over the years. From their friendship in teenage days, first carting wins, to whatever mean and evil twisted thing it had become in the more recent years. The thought alone had Nico struggling to hold sobs back.
"'m close to my heat and it's all just- too much" Nico started mumbling, "and I've just smelled Lewis and it made all these feelings well up and I just-" he broke off again, trying his hardest to surpress the tears that were prickling behind his eyes "I lost him. And I can win but I can't get him back, I'll never get him back" he was barely rambling in the end, burying his hands in his jeans. His grip was strong, it would most likely leave behind bruises.
Toto couldn't help but sigh again.
"Nico- I don't know what is going on in either of your head's, but you made your choice years ago. I'm not your therapist, but I can tell you how I see it; he has won three world champions and you will never forgive him if you don't even get a single one. I can't promise you will ever find back together but I can promise you, he won't love you back just because you now give up"
Nico just stayed silent, unsure about what the team principal had just said. He knew it himself; racing had been what put them together, held them together and resulted in them always colliding. They had been like magnets, always pulled together by some greater force. But whatever held them together had become to strong and racing had become their biggest weakness, the pull had turned from romantic to a destructive, pulling everything of them together until it resulted in a huge collision of not just their cars but also of emotions.
"I can't tell you what to do, romantically, but I can tell you what to do professionally; win this championship. I know you have talked about retiring after it, it's in close reach, do just that. Then you can talk it all out with Lewis. But as long as both of you drive, I doubt it's possible-"
"But I love him!" Nico had jumped up from the chair again, flushed with the early signs of preheat and the uncomfortable feeling of a dejavu in the back of his mind, only for Nico to realize that it was not a dejavu but a genuine memory. The similarity of the situation brought another round of tears to his already burning eyes.
It had been years ago when he had visited his parents, brain all mushy from the mix of preheat and love of the young blooming relationship between him and Lewis- only then had his father told him he needed to be careful if he really wanted to put his teenage-sweetheart over his career. Just like in Toto's office, he had blurted out that he loved the man.
Only back then, he had been younger and happier, daring even, and pushed out "I'm having his baby". The face of his parents was absolutely worth it when he admitted that it was only a joke, but they had genuinely thought about it.
Later, Nico would blame his heat and the decades of emotions between Lewis and him, for what he did next.
Toto had picked up on talking what he hoped were soothing words, but Nico hadn't listened. He hadn't even sat back down and thus just interrupted his boss, still stressed but trying his hardest to hide the grin.
"Sorry Toto I need to go- uh heat? Like you know it's uncomfortable and I need to check out some things-" he rambled down, before practically fleeing the scene. He doubted his boss believed him, but he didn't care. He was an omega and omegas were allowed to be weird, at least once in a while, especially in their heats.
Officially, it had been over with them for far too long, but unofficially Nico had to admit they were pathetic and could never keep away from eachother, completely. Trying to keep away from Lewis was like trying to keep away from the sun. It was possible, but it felt like it cost him everything. It put not just his body but also his mind under enormous stress and Nico had grown up with it; both the sun and Lewis. Keeping away forever didn't seem like a real possibility.
Despite his mind running and his boxers already soaking up the slick his body was producing, his mind was set on only one thing; prepare his master plot.
It was easy. Too easy. The hormonal blocker on the back of his neck was mandatory for every F1 driver. Keeping heats and ruts completely away was impossible, but it was an almost foolproof method of contraception. Almost. It was too easy to wash off. The effects would take at least a day or two to set in, Nico considered, but it was fine. He had the time. He was used to driving against the pain and fatigue.
It wasn’t a problem that Sunday, either. Neither was getting past the FIA control or finding out Lewis room. They still left backdoors for each other. And obviously Lewis didn’t mind when the sweat, of heat smelling, omega slid into his bed in the dark, sucked him off like some dream being. They were used to fighting and complaining and refusing. But that wasn’t what Nico needed; he was craving more, Lewis everything.
Lewis was mean to him, too often, but he was so soft deep down, and he always wanted a family. He would never turn Nico away, he knew. If anything, maybe that would finally make him love him properly.
Nico only counted the orgasms. Four. Four times Lewis pumped his womb full of his burning semen, convinced he was just soothing the heat that left the blonde trembling and burning up feverish. And the feeling of it, the sticky semen running down his ruined cunt, made his eyes roll back. He was obsessed with it, delusional imagination running wild how he was convinced he could feel the way his semen took to his womb. He needed it. He didn’t even consider the possibility of it not working. It just had to.
In the weeks after that, Lewis again didn’t talk to him. Nico barely noticed, to preoccupied with making sure everything worked out the way he had planned it. When the first positive pregnancy test came in, he almost cried of the overwhelming emotions running wild. He kept it close to himself, like a lifeline without he wouldn’t survive. But more; a secret he didn’t yet mean to reveal.
It was afterwards then, with tear filled eyes and Lewis anger storming down at him. He was still in the grey shirt he had worn to the press conference. Lewis eyes were clouded in anger, begging for answers and understanding Nico.
“I feel like i don’t know you anymore! You hide from me!”
Nico wanted to agree, because he did, but not much longer. He knew Lewis would follow him when he stormed back to the safety of his nest. But where Lewis expected him to hide away, shut him out, he pulled something from beneath one of Lewis old jerseys.
They were racing drivers, driven by instinct. A flash of plastic was enough for Lewis to understand.
And that was game on, then, Nico considered.