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Eri lay awake in her bed, staring out the window of her room as she tried and failed to fall asleep.
She tightened her grip on King Sheep, the sheep plushie that Uncle Dazai gave her the day Dad and Papa became her ‘parents of the law,’ as her uncle had said, and willed her heart to slow so she could sleep.
But it wasn’t working.
It was Christmas Eve, and she needed to go to sleep so Santa could visit. Santa would drop off presents and eat the cookies and drink the milk they left out for him, but only when she was asleep. So she knew she had to fall asleep, and soon.
But she couldn’t.
Eri hadn’t told Dad or Papa that she was scared to go to sleep. She was sure they knew something was bothering her, but they never pushed her to talk; something that she loved them for. She couldn’t bring herself to ruin Christmas for them, since the holiday is special.
Aunt Gin had told her that Dad had asked Papa to marry him on Christmas Eve, and since then, the holiday was always a bit more special to her parents. Eri had been able to tell, too. She saw it when they decorated their Christmas tree, made Christmas cookies, and built gingerbread houses.
(One night, a nightmare wrenched Eri from sleep, and she immediately went to her parents’ room, only to find them missing from their bed. Before she could panic, she had heard slow Christmas music, and following it led her to seeing her parents slow dancing in the living room. They had their foreheads pressed together, and Eri had seen that, while her Papa’s eyes had been closed, a smile on his face, her Dad’s eyes were wide open and watching him with a look Aunt Kyouka had called his ‘Totally In-Love’ Look.)
So Eri knew Christmas was important to them. Which was why she couldn’t tell them she was scared.
She wasn’t scared of Santa, but she was scared that he would see the real her — the one who did bad things.
Eri had heard the stories about Santa and the songs on the radio.
“He’s making a list, checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.”
“He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake.”
Dad and Papa loved her. Uncle Dazai and Uncle Chuuya loved her. Aunt Kyouka and Aunt Gin loved her. She had everyone else at Papa's and Dad's work, and she even had Shouto-nii, too.
Eri knew her family loved her and didn’t blame her for the things she did with Overhaul. But that was the point. Family loved you no matter what.
Santa was a stranger. Santa didn’t love Eri, not like her family did.
What if he thought she was a monster, like she used to? What if, when she wakes up tomorrow, there won’t be any presents under the tree, nothing in her stocking, and the milk and cookies left alone?
Eri’s family loved her and accepted her. But if Santa, someone everyone loved, decided she wasn’t good, did that mean that everyone else would think so too? Would everyone else think she was bad?
Unfortunately, it was these dark thoughts she fell asleep to, leading to an uneasy sleep.
Something cold was nudging against Eri’s face, waking her up. Blinking her eyes, she turned to see Byakko and Raj on her bed with her, staring at her with unblinking eyes.
Eri loved snuggling with them, but they pulled away when she reached for them. Confused, Eri sat up to see where they were going, and that’s when she saw it.
There was soft light coming from her window. Early morning light, to be clear.
Which meant it was Christmas Day.
Immediately after noticing that, Eri became nervous and stared anxiously at her bedroom door, which was still open a crack. She squeezed King Sheep as she tried to calm down, and saw that the two cats had already left the room.
Eri looked down at King Sheep. “We need to be brave, right?” she whispered to it. “Like Dad and Papa.” She took a deep breath and finally got out of bed and ventured outside her room.
She crept along the dark hallway, stopping at her parents’ room. She almost went inside to wake them up so they could all go to the living room together, but decided not to. She didn’t want them to see her sad if Santa didn’t leave her anything.
Right before she turned the corner that would show her the living room, Eri closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Clutching King Sheep close to her chest, she opened her eyes and stepped around the corner.
And nearly dropped King Sheep.
There were so many presents under the tree! Presents wrapped in red and blue and green and gold and silver, all spilling out from under the tree to make a pile almost as tall as Eri herself! She even saw a pink-and-blue bike peeking out from behind the tree, with a big silver bow on one of the handles. A lot of the presents said ‘From Santa’ on them.
Glancing over to where the milk and cookies were left out, Eri let out a laugh when she saw that all the cookies were gone and the cup of milk was empty, too.
Santa came! He didn’t think she was bad; he thought she was still good!
With a grin nearly splitting her face, Eri raced out of the room and up to her parents’ room. She threw open the door and rushed inside, not even needing Rashomon’s help to climb onto the bed.
“Dad! Papa! Wake up, wake up! Santa was here!” Eri was practically squealing as she shook her parents awake. “Santa was here! I’m still good!”
“What?” Papa quickly sat up, and Dad did too. They had been smiling when Eri first woke them up, but now they looked confused. “What do you mean by that, Eri?”
But Eri was too elated to say more than, “I’m still good! Santa really came!”
-
Ryuunosuke had a slight smile on his face while he watched the scene before him. Eri was seated atop the bike, her face split in a wide grin as she looked up at Atsushi, letting him take another picture.
Eri had been beyond elated at all the presents under the tree, practically dancing in place as she pulled them from their bed and down to the living room.
It was heartwarming to see the glee on Eri’s face as she tore open the many presents with her name on them, and the shy blush on her face when she gave him and Atsushi presents that she had wrapped with Dazai’s and Chuuya’s help.
But as happy as he was, he couldn’t help but think about what Eri had said when she first woke them up, and knew that it was at the back of Atsushi’s mind, too.
‘I’m still good.’
Did Eri really believe that she was still at fault for what Overhaul involved her in? Or was she scared of being seen as bad by anyone?
Whatever the option was, at least Eri wasn’t worried about it any longer. Now, Eri was smiling and having fun. The happiness on her face that appeared when she opened her first present remained throughout.
At the moment, she had gotten off the bike and was sitting in front of it, a cat wrapped around her shoulders and another in her lap as she listened eagerly to Atsushi talk about the best time to teach her how to ride the bike.
A princess tiara with real diamonds, courtesy of Chuuya, rested in her hair, which was done in a braid tied off with one of the many hair ribbons from Kyouka. A necklace with a snowflake charm hung from her neck, while a bracelet with a moon charm from Gin was wrapped around her wrist, and another plushie shaped as a large white tiger was sitting on the floor with her beside the King Sheep plushie she loved so much.
And there were plenty of other toys scattered around, almost lost underneath the amount of wrapping paper.
The smile on Ryuunosuke’s face widened ever so slightly. For his and Atsushi’s first Christmas with their daughter, they must’ve done a pretty good job.
“Oh!” Atsushi suddenly exclaimed. Ryuunosuke saw him looking at the clock on the wall. “It’s nearly 11:00. If we still want to video call Shouto, we’d have to do it soon.”
Eri gasped. “I need to go get my drawing to show him!” she said. She clumsily got to her feet, letting the cats climb down before she fully stood up, and raced from the room.
Atsushi laughed as he got to his feet. “She’s so full of energy,” he said, coming to Ryuunosuke’s side. “Though I’m taking that to mean she’s having a good time, so it’s a good thing.”
“Yes.” Ryuunosuke then looked to his husband slyly. “By the way, have you noticed it yet?”
“Hm?” Atsushi tilted his head in confusion. He really was a giant cat. “Noticed what, Ryuu?”
The mafioso laughed under his breath. “Atsushi,” he said, smiling. “Look up.”
“What?” Atsushi did as Ryuunosuke said and glanced up. He then blushed. “Oh.”
Mistletoe hung from the ceiling, right above their heads, something Dazai had put there a week ago as a joke. He and Gin always made sure to point out whenever Ryuunosuke and Atsushi were under the mistletoe together every time they came over. Even Eri had gotten in on it after a while, smiling and giggling every time she pointed at it above their heads.
“Well?” Ryuunosuke raised an imperious eyebrow that did nothing to hide his amusement dancing in his eyes at the darkening blush on Atsushi’s face. “What are you waiting for?”
Atsushi rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face said he was pleased. “So bossy,” he teased, before leaning in to press his lips against his husband’s.
In a moment, Eri would rush back in, a picture she drew a week ago of herself with Shouto clutched in her hand. They would power on their laptop, video-call Shouto, and have a pleasant conversation with him about what’s been going on lately, including talking about the presents they had sent him for Christmas.
But for now, Ryuunosuke and Atsushi would exist in this moment.