Chapter Text
The first time Lee Haechan learns about Na Jaemin's existence is when he's fifteen years old, and his dad calls him back from his drills on the ice. He skates over to see a slightly taller, wide-eyed boy with black, floppy hair standing next to an older woman.
"Donghyuck, this is Jaemin. His family is also Korean, and he just moved from the Bay Area. Say hi." His dad flashes him a warning look. Play nice and behave yourself, it means.
Unfortunately, Haechan does not have a gene in his body that ever lets him play nice or behave. He looks the boy up and down, slowly, assessing his new prey. Scrawny kid. I could probably take him out with one body check.
Haechan knows better than to say these thoughts out loud in front of his father. Instead, he puts on one of his sunny smiles, mostly to impress who he assumes is Jaemin's mom.
"It's nice to meet you, Jaemin." He extends his gloved hand forward. "My real name is Donghyuck, but everyone my age calls me Haechan."
To his surprise, Jaemin doesn't flinch at Haechan's obvious body scan, nor does he break eye contact. Haechan watches as Jaemin's eyes crease into crescent moons, flashing a smile just as bright, if not brighter, than his own. "Great to meet you, Haechan. Let's be friends." Jaemin taps Haechan's glove with his own, then brushes past him to get on the ice. Haechan does not miss the way Jaemin purposefully bumps his shoulder harder than necessary on his way in, despite the ample space past the rink gate.
"Oh my, look at our sons, getting along so well already," Jaemin's mom chirps. "And Donghyuck, you seem like such a sweet boy. Take care of our Jaemin, okay? Your dad told me you two are the same age, though he's enrolled in the school year below you due to his later birthday. It's better here than a lot of other places, but there still aren't as many Asian people here in Ann Arbor compared to the Bay Area, and I can tell Jaemin misses home."
Haechan flashes Jaemin's mom another one of his parent-killer smiles. "Don't worry. He's in good hands."
As he turns away to restart his drills, Haechan drops the smile and narrows his eyes to focus in on Jaemin, who is already doing perfect edge turns around the rink. I'm gonna make him miss home more.
⪻────𖤓────⪼
"Let me get this straight," Mark says incredulously. "You hate this new kid at your rink just because he's better than you at hockey?"
"I never said that," Haechan protests. "I just said my dad thinks that."
"Damn, Haechan. I know you're competitive, but this is petty even for you. I mean, what has this Jaemin guy done to you besides beat you a few times in 1v1?" Chenle says with a mouth full of cafeteria rice.
"Shut the fuck up," Haechan hisses. "It was only once, and for the record, I also beat him once before that."
"Bro, literally no one cares." Chenle rolls his eyes. "You need to stop talking about him. He doesn't even go to our school, and it's only been, what, three weeks since you've met him? I shouldn't know his practice schedule, how 'ugly' his face looks when he misses the goal, or that his mom is hot."
"Ew, Chenle, why would you say that?" Mark scrunches his nose.
"What? His words, not mine." Chenle jabs a thumb over to the culprit.
"Whatever. The point is, I hate that guy. He's too perfect. Even his mom is perfect. His dad probably is. There's gotta be something wrong with him, and I'm going to find out what it is."
"Whatever," Chenle repeats back. "I'm starting a Jaemin jar. Every time Haechan mentions him or his mom, he's buying us snacks after school."
Haechan scoffs. The person who really needs a Jaemin jar is his dad. Haechan has a big family, and his mom always has her hands full with his three younger siblings. As a result, his dad was more than happy to be the the one taking the reins on his hockey career. To him, this job apparently means talking to Haechan about Jaemin for all of the hours of driving to and from practice, both at their local rink and at Haechan and Jaemin's junior league every week. His edge work is better, so get in earlier in the morning to practice with the figure skaters; his aim is crazy good, so don't even think about missing Saturday shooting practice from now on; he's faster than you on the ice because he's growing taller more quickly than you, so stop eating that junk food at night and drink more milk.
The worst part about all of this is that Haechan's dad is right. Jaemin is faster, Jaemin's aim is better, and Jaemin is fucking taller. The only thing Haechan probably has on Jaemin right now is his body weight, but maybe Haechan's dad is also right about him needing to cut back on late night ramen. He hates that his dad thinks Jaemin is better than him. He hates that Jaemin probably is better than him. Most of all, he hates that Jaemin doesn't seem to hate Haechan the way that Haechan hates him. In fact, he flashes Haechan the same moon-eyed smile at 5 am every morning they practice, even when Haechan looks and feels like he's been dragged from the depths of hell by Satan himself. Arrogant prick.
⪻────𖤓────⪼
The first time Haechan sees Jaemin off the ice is during Thanksgiving. His dad had finally sanctioned a day free from the rink, and Haechan was enjoying his hard-earned Overwatch time when he feels someone pull off his headset as he's one click away from a kill.
He whirls around to see his oldest younger brother. "You bit—"
"Dad's calling for you," Dongmin cuts in. "We're leaving soon."
"What? To where? We never celebrate Thanksgiving."
"Dad didn't tell you? We're going to some family friend's house. I forgot the name already."
"Huh?" Now that Dongmin mentions it, he vaguely remembers his dad talking about plans on Thanksgiving. In the past few months, Haechan had trained himself to tune out 99% of what his dad was saying during the commutes to practice, so unfortunately, he didn't know where they were going either.
"Fuck, fine. Tell dad I'll be down in a few."
"Yeah, you need to put on some pants, you disgusting freak," Dongmin shouts as he dashes out the door and slams it closed before he can hear Haechan yelling back, "You're the one with cystic acne on your face, you bozo."
The Na family residence is nice. Too nice, Haechan thinks. Before shutting the incessant nagging out of his brain completely, he remembers his dad telling him that Jaemin's father was a director at some hotshot Silicon Valley company, and he had taken an offer to relocate for his son to have a better shot at starting a hockey career. Perfect rich ass family with a perfect mom and selfless dad, Haechan thinks bitterly.
As Haechan approaches the tall, white door with his baby sister in one hand and a large bag of homemade banchan in the other, he suddenly wishes he had heard what his dad was saying about Thanksgiving a week ago. He would have shown up to the Na residence in something other than a ragged hoodie, basketball shorts, and flip flops. His dad had openly grimaced when he hopped into the car, and his mom had shook her head at him, but they were already running super late due to the astronomical task of getting a teenager, two preteens, and a kid ready to go. So, they didn't say anything to him. Again, Haechan now wishes they had.
"Donghyuck! It's so good to see you again," Jaemin's mom pulls Haechan into a hug as soon as she opens the door, her smile almost as blinding as Jaemin's at 5 am. She squats down to the eye level of his little sister, cooing as she pats her head. "And who is this?"
"Her name is Donghee. She's usually very sociable, but she just woke up from a nap and might be a little cranky."
"You poor little thing, let's get you inside and settled on the couch. Donghyuck, feel free to set the food on the table and go hang out with Jaemin!" Jaemin's mom takes Donghee from his hand and ushers her inside, leaving Haechan at the door. Amidst the chaos, he hadn't noticed Jaemin standing right behind his mom. He's wearing a nice button up shirt and dark-washed jeans — an outfit way too nice to just be in his own home, Haechan thinks — and his hair is as jet black and floppy as ever, but it's been slightly styled to be side swept over his forehead. Haechan feels incredibly stupid with his barely brushed bed head.
"Hey," Haechan says, awkward and unlike his usual self. He shifts and glances around, noticing the chandelier at the entrance, the grand staircase leading to the second floor, and the impossibly high ceiling. He feels so out of place.
If Jaemin is thinking anything about Haechan's appearance, he doesn't say it. Instead, he puts on his signature smile and moves to close the distance between them. "Hey, Haechan. Let me get that for you." He takes the banchan bag out of Haechan's hand, and Haechan is suddenly very aware of the way Jaemin's warm fingers brush slightly against his own. Haechan squints. Is he trying to make me uncomfortable on purpose? He shucks off his flip flops, peeks outside the front door to check if his parents need any more help (they don't; they are just arguing with the twins because the two of them are refusing to give up their phones for the duration of the dinner), and follows Jaemin to the kitchen.
Two can play at this game. Haechan is not a stranger to freaking out Mark and Chenle with his touchy antics. He enjoys seeing them squirm. In the kitchen, Jaemin is pulling out the tupperware and setting them out on the counter. "Here, let me help," Haechan offers, purposefully grabbing one already in Jaemin's hand, making sure his fingers hook around Jaemin's when taking it.
Jaemin turns his head and Haechan expects annoyance or even disgust in his eyes. He expects what Mark usually says, "fuck off before I kick your balls," or what Chenle usually does, call him gay and scream bloody murder. What he doesn't expect is for Jaemin to smirk right back, holding his gaze as he grabs the tupperware back from Haechan's hand. This time, Jaemin's whole hand slips over his own, and the drag across before the box settles back in Jaemin's palms is deliberately slower. Haechan stares at his empty palm for a second longer than what can be deemed as normal. What the fuck?
Jaemin's voice snaps him back to reality. "Don't worry about this. Get yourself a beverage from the fridge and head up to my room." His tone is so authoritative, and Haechan, who didn't think he had a single obedient bone in his body, feels compelled to go upstairs immediately.
He resists, though. He's Lee Haechan, after all. "Why? Are you secretly a teenage serial killer and planning to murder me?" Haechan scoffs, desperately trying to bring back the conversation to a tone that he's more used to — light, sardonic humor.
To his endless surprise, Jaemin adjusts just as easily and grins. "Worse. I'll beat you in Fortnite, just like how I beat you in shooting practice every Saturday."
"Fuck you, Na Jaemin," Haechan spits out. Ah, yes, this is so much better. I can deal with this. "You're going to eat those words."
Jaemin Na: Hey, it was fun today. Come by any time lol
why? not tired of me beating your ass yet? four vicroys by yours truly wasn't enough?
Jaemin Na: Like I said, I beat your ass on the rink all the time, so let's call it even
god ur the literal worst
u won't be saying that the next time i body check u in a scrimmage
Jaemin Na: I'd like to see your short ass try
low blow bro. im fckin blocking u
Jaemin Na: You won't.
⪻────𖤓────⪼
steph curry's bf: yo hyuck, since the rink is closed today r u down to play bball with me and mark
can't. going to jaemin's
jesus christ's bf: i thought u hated him???
i do. he's so annoying
steph curry's bf: ooooook bro not actin like u hate him. uve blown us off twice for him alr
just like to beat him in fortnite
the ego boost hits like crack
not that i've ever done cocaine
i would never
jesus christ's bf: um… ok ignoring the last part why don't you invite him to hang out with us?? he sounds chill if he plays fortnite
nah. i hate him remember
steph curry's bf: wow. you're even possessive over him now. inch resting…
plus he goes to some fancy ass prep school where they play good hockey and need to have good grades
he's too good for us
steph curry's bf: obviously not if he willingly hangs with u, the bottom of the barrel
careful. or you'll be on my shit list soon too zhong chenle.
jesus christ's bf: surprised he's not already after giving that girl your number when you begged us not to
steph curry's bf: mark lee why would you bring that up again. for the thousandth time she was threatening MURDER if i didn't
right. forgot that my life means nothing to y'all. maybe jaemin IS better
⪻────𖤓────⪼
"Lee, I need you to get your head in this game." Haechan's varsity hockey coach glares at him after he's missed a pass for the second time this period.
"Sorry, coach," Haechan replies. Though he doesn't know where he is in the stands, he can still feel his dad's disappointed stare boring into his skull. "I'll do better."
"Do the face off, Lee," his coach instructs. "It's your senior night, so let's bring home a win."
"Roger." As Haechan skates onto the ice, he notices that the back of his opponent's jersey says "Na," and his heart noticeably beats faster.
"Well, well… it took us 2 years to do a face off together, huh, Lee? I guess that makes sense, since we play on the same junior league team most of the time." Haechan can't help but notice that Jaemin's voice sounds huskier with his mouth guard in. Or maybe he just somehow grew even more. In the past few years, Haechan has stayed around the same height and build while Jaemin has continued to grow both ways. He now stands an inch or two taller than Haechan and, from what Haechan has seen briefly in the locker room before averting his eyes because he's not a perv, more built. Fuckass freak of nature, Haechan thinks enviously. Who is still growing when they're almost 18?
"On your senior night, too. I apologize in advance." Jaemin's jab jolts Haechan back to reality. Though Haechan is trying to refocus on the ice, he can see in his peripheral vision that Jaemin's mouth has tilted into a taunting half smirk.
"Shut up, Na," Haechan growls.
The whistle blows, and Haechan is off, flying across the ice with the puck.
"Great job, Donghyuck!" Haechan's mom pulls him into a hug on the ice and hands him a bouquet of flowers. "The game was so exciting. You really helped your team turn it around in the last period!"
"After he fumbled his way through the first two," his dad pitches in behind them. "They could've won with an even bigger margin if Donghyuck hadn't kept letting himself be intercepted by Jaemin. 2-1 is barely anything." Haechan gives a little half shrug but doesn't provide his usual snark. He has been talking back less lately to his dad's accusations. Plus, his dad is right this time around. Haechan should have done better. Especially on his senior night.
"Oh, shush," Haechan's mom waves his hand in the general direction of his dad. "Don't listen to him. Tonight, we celebrate you. You're almost done with high school, and you have a full hockey scholarship to Michigan State! There are no words for how proud I am of you."
"Thanks, mom," Haechan answers, pulling her in for another hug. From the corner of his eye, he sees someone else skating over.
"Good game, Lee Haechan," Jaemin says with a sunny grin on his face. He has his helmet in one hand pushed against his hip, and he sticks his other ungloved hand out. Haechan notices how Jaemin's bangs stick to his forehead from the sweat, and how his cheeks are flushed a rosy pink from the game combined with the cold air. Before it becomes awkward in front of his whole family, Haechan quickly takes off his own glove to shake Jaemin's hand.
Once he places his hand in Jaemin's, though, all of his hopes of not being awkward in front of his family dissipate immediately. Jaemin uses the weight of his body and the firm grip he has on Haechan's hand to force Haechan to glide towards him. When did he get so strong? Fuck, he's already taller than me, has he been lifting weights too?
"And congratulations on everything," Jaemin says into his ear. "Don't forget about me in the year we're apart, okay?"
Thank god Haechan still has his helmet on, which he hopes slightly hides the way his cheeks flush. He lets go of Jaemin's hand and pulls back. "What do you mean, year? We'll still play at the Junior World Championships together next year."
Jaemin's lips push into a pout that by now, through two years' worth of family gatherings, hockey practices, and video game hangouts, Haechan knows is contrived. "Yeah, but I won't see you every day on the ice and at team practice anymore. Who else is going to make you into a better hockey player?" There's a glint in Jaemin's eyes, and Haechan knows Jaemin is purposefully pushing his buttons, but he can't help but feel that surge of annoyance and let it take over anyway.
"Fuck off. You are literally the most arrogant, self-absorbed person I know."
Jaemin, as usual, is completely unfazed by the dig and shrugs nonchalantly. "Who else is going to scrimmage at your level in college when you're the top player in this year's junior league? Michigan State is lucky you wanted to stay near home." Haechan doesn't miss the compliment within Jaemin's words, and his cheeks somehow feel even hotter than before. "I know you'll miss me on the ice."
"I'll miss beating you in all of the first person shooter games in the world, that's for sure," Haechan deflects, desperately changing the subject to something he's more comfortable with.
Haechan could be seeing things, but he's pretty sure Jaemin's eyes falter slightly at his words, into an expression he's never seen before. Is it disappointment? Sadness? Haechan notices an unfamiliar feeling bubbling up. He can't place why, but he decides he hates Jaemin like this and doesn't ever want to see it again.
"…I'll see you soon, Na Jaemin," Haechan finally concedes. "Maybe when I'm home for the holidays, and definitely at World Juniors. We'll keep in touch, though." He suddenly feels too hot in his helmet and yanks it off. Jaemin's eyes shoot back up to Haechan's face, and Haechan is cognizant of the way Jaemin's gaze lingers a little too long over his lips. He is suddenly conscious of how chapped they feel from the game and gives them a quick lick. He catches the way Jaemin's eyes darken, making Haechan gulp and immediately turn his head away. If it was Mark or Chenle, he would've teased something like, "what, do my lips look kissable right now?" or straight up started a game of gay chicken by inching closer to their faces. Something about Jaemin makes Haechan sure that he would lose that game by a long shot, and he doesn't want to process the bubbles that rise up to this throat when he thinks about how losing that game would feel.
Jaemin breaks into a small smile, and Haechan lets out the internal breath he's been holding. "Yeah. Keep in touch."
"Are y'all fucking done? Can we get off the ice now? I'm starving and it's so fucking cold," Donggyeom, his other younger brother, calls from behind Haechan and Jaemin.
"Lee Donggyeom! If you don't cleanse that dirty mouth of yours, I will do it myself."
⪻────𖤓────⪼
Haechan does not, in fact, really keep in touch. As soon as college starts, the whirlwind of competing in the NCAA coupled with needing to maintain a minimum GPA in his fuckass Political Science major so he doesn't get benched combined with keeping up his extrovert social life makes him almost too busy to give Jaemin the time of day.
Almost.
He still gets the occasional text from Jaemin: a video of Haechan on the ice during one of his Michigan State games telling him how he could've executed that play better (which he ignores even though he's right, because he gets enough of this shit from his dad), a selfie from the rink at 5 am with the accompanying text "never thought I'd miss your grumpy ass face," (to which Haechan replies with " try to coach me one more time and I'll show you real grumpy to your face real fast," to which Jaemin replies "don't tempt me with a good time", after which Haechan feels his cheeks get hot but does not reply), or random tidbits about his old junior league team (to which Haechan always laugh reacts; there's nothing that gets him going more than being a gossip hater, a trait his mom tried and failed to scold out of him).
Haechan would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he misses the intellectual and physical challenge that Jaemin's presence had provided. Jaemin was both fun to banter with and compete against in all aspects of life, and Haechan lives for the prospect of the win. That's all this is, Haechan tells himself. Jaemin was right, there is nobody to compete with on his level in college. The other players are great; Michigan State has a D1, top-ranked hockey team, after all. But nobody is Na Jaemin — a fellow Korean American boy with not only Haechan's drive and talent, but also, most importantly, a radical tolerance for Haechan's competitive nature (a personality trait which he can admit is sometimes annoying). There's no one here Haechan can body check and get off with so much as a laugh and a taunt, or someone who can scrimmage with him at 6 am and then compete in the Mario Kart 150cc Grand Prix with him at 4 pm, taking both wins and losses in stride.
After laugh reacting another message from Jaemin that one of their old teammates who was racist towards him and Jaemin finally got his ass beat on the ice and is out for the junior league season, Haechan sighs and puts his phone down. Why is he even thinking about this? He should be glad that his dad no longer relentlessly compares him to Jaemin, since they're in different leagues now. Haechan groans and leans back with his arm over his eyes. He needs to go out and distract himself.
yo who's down to go out tonight???
steph curry's bf: i thought u didn't drink during season??
who said i'm drinking
i'm not a loser who has to get drunk for a good time
anyone know if that one girl i was talking to last time is going? what was her name?
jesus christ's bf: her name is giselle and she's best friends with chenle's girl ningning
steph curry's bf: not my girl yet don't jinx it. and no way i'm letting you get with giselle before i seal the deal with ningning. we're gonna be in love <3
first of all, ew
second of all, why? i could be your wing man
steph curry's bf: ur bad news and u know it
jesus christ's bf: as a feminist i have to say, i wouldn't let my daughter date u
why?? i drink my respect women juice
jesus christ's bf: you don't drink ur emotionally available juice
wow. just because a few girls left me for being too busy with securing my hockey future…
steph curry's bf: ladies, ladies… let's break it up for now. our dorm room for pregame at 9:30 haechan
bet
⪻────𖤓────⪼
"Did you see this?" Giselle turns her phone around across the dining hall table, where Haechan is busy shoveling down his daily protein goal in the form of plain ground meat and hard boiled eggs.
It's a local news article, stating that Na Jaemin had gotten a full ride to the University of Michigan for hockey.
Haechan narrows his eyes at the screen. "That fucking copycat."
"He did it better than you, though. We haven't made it to the Frozen Four in half a decade and U Mich has been there every year."
Haechan groans. "Why did I decide to date the one girl at this school who knows her hockey shit? And I'm gonna take us there this year, mark my words."
"Wow, why did I decide to date the one hockey player at this school who is apparently a narcissist AND a misogynist?" Giselle rolls her eyes.
"There's plenty of us out there. I'm not that special," Haechan winks at Giselle. She grimaces.
"I know Na Jaemin is the exception," she sighs dreamily at the photo of Jaemin beaming on the ice holding a U Mich jersey in the news article.
"How do you know? What if I told you he listens to Joe Rogan podcasts and thinks women need to stay in the kitchen?"
"I wouldn't believe you," Giselle answers without missing a beat. "With a smile like that? I bet he's an angel on earth. This man could literally do no wrong."
"Wow, what the fuck? Is this your way of breaking up with me?" Haechan scoffs. "I know we agreed to keep it casual, but geez, Giselle." Haechan puts a hand over his heart and dramatically slumps forward.
Giselle, used to Haechan's histrionics, ignores him. In fact, she pours salt onto the wound. "No offense at all, Haechan, you're cute and athletic and funny and all, but if Jaemin was at this school, I would not be normal about it."
Haechan rolls his eyes. "I cannot fucking believe you. Go fuck him instead, then. He's our age, so it's not illegal." He can't believe that Jaemin isn't even here, and he's still one-upping him, stealing a girl from Haechan he doesn't even know.
Giselle winks. "Oh trust me, I'm not going to World Juniors for you."
"I'm literally going to cancel your ticket right now."
Giselle just throws her head back and laughs.
Later, back in his dorm room, after some (a lot) of deliberation, Haechan sends a text:
hey, heard the news. congrats dude
Jaemin Na: What news?
cte hitting you early?
you getting a full ride to u mich, duh
Jaemin Na: Hey, I'll have you know I've never gotten a concussion before
And I know, I just wanted to hear you say it :)
wow. will you provide me the honor of being the first to give you one when we compete against each other next year?
Jaemin Na: Depends. only if you are also the one to take care of me afterwards
in your fucking dreams
Jaemin Na: :(
sorry. it's your special day. i'll dial it back
what are you doing to celebrate?
Jaemin Na: :)
Dinner with family tonight, and then a party over the weekend that I wish you could come to but I know you have an away game
Haechan takes a deep breath. Of course he's celebrating — his family is perfect. His life is perfect. When Haechan had gotten news of his scholarship, his mom had been super happy for him, but his sister was in the hospital for acute bronchitis, and he was tasked with supervising his twin brothers whenever he was off the ice, which meant that his dad was at work. Speaking of his dad, he had spent the night giving Haechan a list of one million reasons why U Mich, "the better school," hadn't taken him. He did hang out with Chenle and Mark over the weekend and gamed with Jaemin (Jaemin's perfect mom also fed him a truckload's worth of kimchi jjigae), but of course his family didn't have the money to host him a party. Every time he loses a game, his dad makes it clear to him that hockey isn't a cheap sport.
sounds fun. don't miss me too much
Jaemin Na: I'll try.
⪻────𖤓────⪼
Haechan does not, in fact, cancel Giselle's ticket to the Junior World Championships. Ningning didn't want to be the only girl there with Mark and Chenle, and as much as Haechan would hate to admit it, he likes the idea of having a WAG, even if Giselle is just a casual semi-exclusive situationship fling type of WAG. It shields him from any unwanted attention while he's focused on hockey and gives him a distraction from whatever is going on with Jaemin, which is nothing. Absolutely nothing. They don't even talk anymore, except for Jaemin's two texts a month about mundane things that Haechan replies to about thirty percent of the time. Never mind the fact that receiving a text from him makes Haechan feel like he simultaneously wants to throw his phone out the window and press the call button immediately to hear Jaemin's voice. He will not think about that.
"Long time no see, Lee Haechan," a voice calls from behind where Haechan is milliseconds away from banging his head against his locker repeatedly. "Did you miss seeing my face?"
He whirls his head around. Of course it's Jaemin is standing there, leaning against the locker room doorway with his arms crossed, not yet in his hockey gear. Through his base layer clothing, Haechan can see that Jaemin has somehow gotten even more muscular in these past 6 months. He can see the vertical lines of his chest and the faint outline of his abs through the tight, black shirt he has on. Jaemin pushes off the doorway to walk up to Haechan, and he notices the way Jaemin's biceps shift underneath his sleeves. He tears his eyes away and looks down before Jaemin starts to think that it's creepy. Haechan has been building more muscle himself, but the familiar inadequacy he feels compared to Jaemin resurfaces the closer Jaemin gets. He can hear his dad chastising him for breaking his diet regime for some late night ramen while studying for final exams.
Haechan refuses to look Jaemin in the eyes, because he knows he would lose whatever game they are playing here if he does. He still short circuits at the fact that Jaemin's broad shoulders cover his whole line of vision when he's up close. "Why aren't you changed? We gotta do interviews soon."
"Answer my question." Haechan suddenly feels Jaemin's finger under his chin, pushing it up so he's forced to look at his face. Jaemin cocks his head to the side and raises an eyebrow cheekily.
"Huh?" Haechan prays to any god that exists out there that his cheeks aren't noticeably red, though he's sure the deities can't help his cause. But he's determined to avoid facing this inner demon head on right now.
Jaemin presses on, not taking his finger off his chin. "How much did you miss me, Haechan?"
"That wasn't the question."
Jaemin breaks into one of his shark-teeth grins. "So you do know what I asked."
The only thing Haechan can do now is what he does best. He pushes Jaemin back a few steps and says, "Why the fuck would I miss your stupid looking face?"
Jaemin does what Haechan has learned he can do best, directly challenge Haechan's energy. He goes back to crossing his arms, stretching his tight shirt even more. Haechan can't help but let his eyes wander. "You don't lie very well, you know."
Haechan scoffs. "I've been told that I am too good at Mafia to not be medically diagnosed as a sociopath, so I think you're just making shit up."
"You ball your fist up when you lie and get all defensive. It's kind of cute," As always, Jaemin doesn't seem at all fazed by Haechan's hostility, instead adding fuel to the fire.
"Fuck off, Na. And get changed. Coach is going to yell at us soon."
"Is that any way to talk to your teammate?"
"As the captain of this team, I'm ordering you to fuck off and get changed."
"Oooh. I like it when you get bossy." Jaemin inches closer to Haechan, so close that Haechan is about to push him when Jaemin reaches above Haechan's head to grab the bag of clothes and gear stashed in the cubby above where he is standing. He backs away, not breaking eye contact. "See you in a few, captain." And then Na Jaemin fucking winks.
As Jaemin walks out, Haechan feels his cheeks get hot and his jaw clenches, but no words come out of his mouth in response. The only person in his 18 years of life who can get in the last word against Lee Haechan and properly shut him up has been Na Jaemin.
⪻────𖤓────⪼
"Thanks to Jaemin Na's assist, Donghyuck Lee scores his second goal of the night for Team USA during the semifinals. The Na-Lee synergy has been popping off this entire tournament, so for the first time in three years, Team USA has a real shot of becoming the World Junior Champions. Playing on home turf in Michigan is probably a factor, but it definitely helps that they're apparently childhood friends — grew up in the same town, I hear. I'm sure fans are disappointed that they'll be on rival NCAA teams next year — this type of on-ice chemistry is hard to come by in the leagues."
"Yo, that was a crazy game, dude!" Mark slaps Haechan on the back. A few days after the locker room encounter, Team USA has won the semifinal game, and his friends were crowded around him in the stadium reception lobby. By friends, he actually just means Mark. Chenle and Ningning were probably off to the side somewhere eating each other's faces. Honeymoon phase or whatever.
He checks his phone briefly. A text from dad: "Good game, son. But Jaemin was your lifesaver this time — you need to learn to do well at Michigan State without him too. Your team there has been on a losing streak."
He rolls his eyes and slides his phone back into his pocket, collecting himself to smile at Mark. "Thanks, bro."
Looking around for Chenle so he can perform his favorite new post-game ritual of publicly embarrassing him in front of his new girlfriend, Haechan's eyes land on a head of jet-black hair in the crowd. Jaemin was standing with his parents, hugging a much shorter man with a pretty face who Haechan does not recognize. He sees Jaemin put his hand on the back of the man's head and push him into his chest. The pretty boy makes noises of protest and tries to push Jaemin off, but Jaemin's grip on him is firm. He gives up eventually and puts his arms around Jaemin too.
Haechan averts his eyes after that, feeling guilty for intruding on something so intimate even though they are hugging among hundreds of people. Who is he? Of course Jaemin has other friends, but why hasn't he mentioned anyone? That hug looked so affectionate, but they were doing it in front of his parents so maybe—
"Haechan!" Haechan is pulled from his spiraling thoughts by a high-pitched, melodic voice. He turns around and sees Giselle, Ningning, and Chenle weaving through the crowd towards him and Mark.
Giselle reaches them first, and she throws his arms around Haechan, kissing him on the cheek. "Congrats, babe."
"Wow, I'm only elevated to 'babe' status if I win a game, huh?" Haechan teases.
Giselle plants a wet kiss on his other cheek. "You wish. Only if it's semifinals and above." Haechan and Giselle are both physical touch-oriented people, so even if the two only hook up once or twice a month, cheek kisses and chaste touches are pretty normal between them. Chenle and Mark had thought it was weird at first, but they've gotten used to the concept of what the two of them are — purely best friends, with occasional benefits.
When Giselle does it this time, though, Haechan feels unsettled; like someone else is watching. He turns his head slightly, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jaemin looking at him from across the hall. 'Looking' might be an understatement. Jaemin seems like he's thinking the exact same things that Haechan was about the pretty boy hugging him — his eyes are darkened, his brows are furrowed, and his lips are down turned into a pouty frown. Though Haechan has never batted an eye about being physically close with Giselle, his heart beats faster now, and he feels an inexplicable mix of emotions.
"Hey," Giselle leans closer to Haechan to whisper in his ear. "Is that Jaemin over there?"
"Obviously," Haechan mumbles. "You should know. You look at his pictures more than you see me nowadays."
"Wow, is someone jealous?" Giselle grins and elbows Haechan in the ribs. It hurts extra right now, having just finished being thrown around the ice. "Can you introduce us?"
"I barely know him," Haechan lies. "Go over yourself."
"Oh please," Chenle suddenly chimes in. "You text him every day."
"I do not text him every day," Haechan growls. "And since when did you get here? I bet you missed the whole game doing god knows what."
"Oh? I swear I see you looking at a message thread with Jaemin like every time we're in the dining hall." Chenle, like everyone in Haechan's life, ignores his caustic remarks.
"You fucking stalker! Stop looking at my phone."
"So you are close with him. Come on, let's go over then." Before Haechan can protest again, Giselle takes him by the hand and walks the few steps towards Jaemin. Jaemin's eyes visibly narrow at Haechan's hand intertwined with Giselle's as the two of them get closer. The pretty boy stands next to Jaemin, looking back and forth between the two of them inquisitively.
"Hey, Jaemin. Good job out there today," Haechan says awkwardly. Too many eyes are on them right now.
"You too, Haechan," Jaemin replies smoothly. "We wouldn't have won without your goals."
"I wouldn't have made them without you," Haechan replies. He's mentally beating himself up for how astronomically bad this is going before someone interrupts.
"Jaemin, why are you keeping Donghyuck all to yourself?" The shorter boy looks over at Haechan, and he swears that his eyes sparkle.
Jaemin sighs. "Haechan, this is my friend from school, Huang Renjun. Renjun, this is Donghyuck who goes by Haechan, though you already know that."
"Of course I do," Renjun gushes. He takes Haechan by both of his hands, looking up into his eyes with his big, sparkly ones. "I'm such a big fan of yours!"
"Deadass?" Haechan blinks in surprise. Michigan State was a good team, but he hadn't ever met anyone outside of his school who could recognize him.
"Of course! Both of my parents went to Michigan State, and my dad played hockey back in China growing up."
"Oh wow, I hope we're not disappointing you guys too much this season," Haechan half-jokes.
"Just a little," Renjun laughs. "But you're the only Asian American on the team right now and a top NHL prospect, so I remain a loyal fan."
Jaemin and Giselle both cough at the same time. Giselle eyes Haechan curiously, looking down at the way Haechan has reciprocated Renjun's grasp. Jaemin steps in between them, purposefully cutting Haechan and Renjun apart to stand in front of Giselle. "And you are…?"
"Oh, this is Giselle, she wanted to meet you," Haechan provides.
"Why would you tell him that," Giselle hisses, cheeks red. Haechan rolls his eyes. She turns and puts on the biggest smile Haechan has ever seen her give. Usually, she walks around with a resting bitch face that scares everyone else but turns Haechan on. "It's nice to meet you, Jaemin."
Jaemin returns the smile, eyes creasing up disarmingly. Haechan internally rolls his eyes further back into his head. "Likewise."
A while later, after his friends celebrate his win the traditional way (a triple dipper at Chili's chased down with water bottles filled with vodka cranberry), Haechan is back in his dorm room, slightly buzzed. He opens his phone to see a bunch of messages from his dad (pointers for the final game), one text of congratulations from his mom in the family group chat that his twin brothers thumbs-upped, and one text from the person who had been on his mind all night.
Jaemin Na: You good?
better than ever.
Jaemin Na: Hope you didn't go too hard with your friends. we got practice tomorrow
ok, mom. i'll be fine
Jaemin Na: Who did you celebrate with?
wouldn't u like to know
Jaemin Na: Rude. Also random but are you seeing anyone right now?
Haechan feels a lodge in his throat.
not rly, why
Jaemin Na: Really? I thought you were seeing giselle
Renjun asked for your number. Gave it to him, but don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with
Haechan isn't surprised that Renjun asked for his number — he's not egotistical, but over the years, he's gotten used to his friends whoring him out. A different thought crosses his mind instead: Jaemin probably isn't dating Renjun. His heart immediately feels lighter after that realization. But wait. Why does he even care? Rushing to push down all these thoughts bubbling up to the surface, he replies to Jaemin's text quickly.
giselle and i are friends
with benefits sometimes i guess
mostly friends tho
and dw abt renjun. he seems cool and im down to be friends
He doesn't know why he felt the need to explain himself to Jaemin, but for some reason, it feels good laying it all out for him.
Jaemin Na: Okay :)
Haechan doesn't reply, but the smiley face from Jaemin makes his buzzed self think that all is good with the world. He smiles back to his phone, puts it down and promptly knocks out.
And that's it! Team USA wins the championship! Donghyuck Lee and Jaemin Na, two of the top prospects in the league, undoubtedly carried the team to victory. We look forward to seeing Lee bring this level of performance back to his college team at Michigan State, and hopefully Na performs this well at U Michigan. Either way, the fans are ecstatic we are winning on home turf, and their families must be so proud.
The crowd is roaring. Haechan has just made the OT goal against Sweden, with Jaemin's assist, and his team starts to swarm around him. Before he can process anything, Haechan finds himself spinning on the ice against a broad, warm body, and he hears a slightly muffled voice in his ear yelling, "You did it, Hyuck!" Promptly after, there's a loud kissing noise on his helmet, and he turns his head around to see Jaemin's moon crescent eyes and wild grin. Riding the high of his winning goal, Haechan throws his arms around Jaemin too, putting his head over his shoulder and nuzzling into his neck. He breathes in a familiar, sweet scent of sweat mixed with vanilla.
"When's the next time we'll play together like this again, Minnie?" Haechan finds himself mumbling into Jaemin's neck before he can stop himself. In preparation for the draft, he won't play in World Juniors next year.
Haechan's brain is just catching up to the nickname Jaemin called him, and the one that Haechan had inadvertently returned, when Jaemin pulls back to look at Haechan properly through the transparent plastic of his helmet shield. Shit, Haechan starts to think, but his damage control planning is stalled when he processes Jaemin's expression. Rather than joy, there is now something more melancholic and wistful behind his gaze, though Haechan can't be certain due to the increasingly wet, blurry haze crowding his own eyes.
"… I don't know."
And then Haechan and Jaemin are whisked away from each other by their teammates, and anything unsaid between them is left on the ice at the World Junior Championships.
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father: First big rivalry game of the year… Good luck, son.
yup. thanks dad
father: You know how Jaemin plays like it's the back of your hand. And he'll probably be nervous, too.
Use that to your advantage.
i know
father: And don't let him get in your head.
Haechan snorts. Ironically, no one puts Jaemin into his head like that as much as his dad does.
The ten months following World Juniors have been a whirlwind for Haechan: finishing his NCAA season just shy of the Frozen Four (his dad and Giselle do not hesitate to remind him that U Mich made it again), training internationally in Norway for half of the summer, volunteering for a kids' hockey camp back at home for the other half, and then returning back to school early to start pre-season training.
He and Jaemin hadn't really talked at all or seen each other at all after World Juniors. Haechan had tried to think nothing of it — Jaemin was probably equally as busy preparing for his new life at U Mich. One time after a particularly chaotic day chasing little boys around the ice during camp, Haechan caught himself rereading old messages with Jaemin and smiling at a selfie that Jaemin sent over a year ago, with the accompanying message: "My mom is mad at me for this black eye. But Miller called me the f word so I clean checked him into the boards twice. Got beat up obviously, but we scored on power play after, so it was totally worth it. :-)" After realizing what he was doing — smiling wistfully at a message from a year ago like it was a Monet painting at the Louvre — Haechan impulsively archived the entire thread with Jaemin and put his phone down. He stared at the ceiling for hours after that, unable to stop himself from incessantly repeating the way Jaemin had said his childhood nickname on the ice at World Juniors in his head before finally succumbing to the worst sleep of his life amid the light snores of the kids around him.
As expected for two of the biggest prospects for the NHL on rival college teams, Haechan and Jaemin are both called to do the first face-off. The music is blaring as the referee stands close, but that doesn't stop Jaemin, as his dad had predicted, from getting in Haechan's head:
"I'm excited to see your disappointed face later, Lee. You're so pretty when you pout."
Haechan looks up and narrows his eyes at Jaemin. He can see the glint in Jaemin's eyes and his smirk through the glass of his helmet. "Foul play, Na. I can't fucking believe you." Ignoring the rising flush on his cheeks, he grits his teeth and looks back down.
Unfortunately for him, the ref (who probably fucking bet on U Mich's win, goddammit, Haechan swears internally) chooses the exact millisecond before Haechan zeroes back in on the ice to drop the puck, and Jaemin races away as the music stops, leaving just the loud sounds of skate edges scraping on the ice and hockey sticks hitting the puck ringing in Haechan's ears.
jesus christ's bf: wow geez. sorry man
steph curry's bf: y'all gave u mich 6 pts on home ice??? oof. but i mean jesus fckin christ you can't rly do anything against a jaemin na hat trick… that guy was on fire today
jesus christ's bf: … why would you say it like that chenle. and why would you swear on the Lord's name
y'all wanna go out tonight? there's a party off campus
need to relieve stress my dad is nonstop spamming me
chenle don't even think about bringing ningning
it's still fucking awkward w giselle
steph curry's bf: it's literally not ur fault she fell in love with that girl karina in mark's dance crew over the summer
…
or maybe it is…
fuck u
i'll have u know i have rave reviews from ppl i've slept with
steph curry's bf: gross
also a 5 star-rated restaurant with only like 2 reviews could still be horrible u know
respectfully, please go die
mark are we going out or not
jesus christ's bf: i'm down! :)
Haechan steps gingerly into the frat house, grimacing at the puddle of mysterious liquid on the floor next to his shoe and trying to hear Chenle's usually-too-loud voice over the blaring speakers playing shitty rap music.
"I'm going with Ningning to get some drinks!"
That motherfucker had brought his girlfriend anyway. So much for a "boys night out" to console Haechan after a devastating loss. Fuck being in love — he had resolved to go home with someone today and had dressed the part. He was wearing his black bomber jacket with black ripped skinny jeans and silver chains, even putting effort into styling his hair up. As a relatively well-known jock on campus, he usually didn't have to put that much effort into his appearance to get what he wanted, but he felt the need to make sure at least something went right today.
Mark, ever the loyal friend but always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, yells in his ear, "Do you think any of the U Mich players are here? I heard that because of bad weather, they're staying the night before driving back."
"Why in the hell would I care, Mark," Haechan grits his teeth at the thought of running into Jaemin here. He's still livid at Jaemin for his chirp during the face-off. Or maybe he's just annoyed at himself for letting that stupid jab even get under his skin. Whatever. He takes Mark by the shoulders and starts to push him towards where Chenle and Ningning are standing by the makeshift bar when Mark suddenly stops in his tracks and Haechan bumps his nose right into his big head.
"Ow, what the fuck Mark, why is your skull so hard—"
"I was right! That's Jaemin right there, isn't it?"
Haechan's heart swoops down to his stomach. He looks over at where Mark is pointing. Jaemin is standing in the middle of the living room, flashing his bright smile at some other guy in a tight shirt and kohl-lined eyes. Jaemin is dressed in a boxy black t-shirt and jeans. His hair is shorter than it was the last time he saw Jaemin without a helmet at World Juniors, but it looks good (amazing) parted in the middle of his forehead. Haechan curses at how good (amazing) he looks in even such a casual outfit.
"Yo, you wanna go say hi, or…" Mark looks back and forth between Haechan and Jaemin.
Haechan doesn't respond. He's too busy looking at the way Jaemin puts his arm around the man's thin waist and pulls him closer, whispering into his ear. He doesn't miss the way the stranger blushes and leans into Jaemin to say something back. Then, he watches as the guy moves from Jaemin's ear to press a kiss to his lips. What the fuck. Jaemin's hand moves up towards the man's neck, pulling the man in closer as they continue to make out.
Haechan's heart races, and he looks around nervously. No one else seems to care that Jaemin Na, top NHL-prospect hockey player, is making out with another man in the middle of a sleazy frat house. His gaze lands back on the pair, and now the guy has his hands roaming under Jaemin's shirt, and Jaemin is pulling at his hair. When they finally break apart, Jaemin angles his head to the left, kissing down the stranger's neck. What Haechan realizes Jaemin is also doing a second too late is that he has locked eyes with Haechan across the room. For some reason, Haechan can't look away as Jaemin's gaze shifts from a slight shock of realization to something more incomprehensible. He smiles into the man's neck, eyes dark and eyebrows lifting up in recognition of Haechan's presence. The other man doesn't seem to notice, too caught up in pleasure to see what Jaemin is doing.
"Um… if you're going to keep standing here… I'm going to the bar to get us some drinks?" Mark cuts in, and Haechan feels like a lightning bolt has struck him back down to reality. He's standing in the hallway like a fucking creep looking at two guys make out and feel each other up. And one of them is Na Jaemin. His cheeks feel hot, and he breaks his eyes away from Jaemin, pivoting his body towards Mark. Maybe he's being delusional, but he can still feel the weight of someone's gaze on his back.
"I'm going with you," he mumbles, hurriedly following Mark further into the party.
He only realizes after he starts walking that his skintight skinny jeans somehow feel even tighter.
"I think I might like men too."
Chenle and Mark both stop slurping up their ramen on Haechan's dorm room floor.
Mark is the first to break the silence. "I mean, good for you man, but how did you realize?" His eyes grow big. "Wait, don't tell me it was just now when we saw—"
"Anyways," Haechan cuts in quickly. "Just thought I'd let you guys know first."
"Saw what?" Chenle, as expected, refuses to drop the topic when there's gossip involved.
"Wow, I'm baring my whole heart out for my best friends in the whole world and y'all don't even give a single fuck?" Haechan puts his hand to his forehead and falls back dramatically, head leaning on the side of his bed.
"You liking men has been a possibility in my mind ever since you wouldn't stop talking about Jaemin when we were 16," Chenle deadpans.
"Ew. That's because I hate him," Haechan defends. "That's different."
"Is it really? Because I could've sworn I saw you at the party look—"
"Mark, can you please go back to being dense and stupid?" Haechan groans.
"Hey!"
Early the next morning, Haechan wakes up groggily to the incessant buzz of his phone.
Jaemin Na: Hey
Are you awake?
Can we talk?
It's important.
what
Not even one second after Haechan sends that text, his phone screen pops up with a call.
"Hello?"
"Your voice sounds all muffled. Were you sleeping?"
Haechan pulls his phone back from his ear and checks the time, squinting. "It's 5:30 am, you lunatic."
Jaemin scoffs. "Don't pretend you weren't trying to kill me on the ice at an even unholier time when we were both in Ann Arbor."
"Not everyone has natural discipline like you, Na. Some of us fall apart when their dad is not threatening to throw their ass into Lake Superior if they don't wake up at 4:30."
Haechan hears Jaemin's soft, breathy laugh through the phone. He tries not to dwell on it too much. "Anyways, why did you call me at this fuckass time again?"
"Sorry," Jaemin says. "The team is going back soon, so I had to get this call in while my roommate is still asleep."
"Mhm," Haechan responds. He's getting more nervous the more Jaemin stalls.
"… So, you saw me at the party last night, right?"
Haechan stops breathing. His mind quickly runs through the response options. Lie, but then Jaemin would know that he's lying because they definitely made eye contact. Not lie, but then that's admitting that Haechan was staring at Jaemin making out with a man for a duration of time way past what is socially acceptable. He settles on, "Um."
"Well, I saw you," Jaemin presses on. "And I know you saw me."
"I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about," Haechan says quickly. He knows the stakes that both he and Jaemin face as future NHL hockey players. In fact, he's surprised that Jaemin, the Ann Arbor-private schooled-with-rich-parents golden boy, didn't know better. "You probably shouldn't do that next time, though."
Jaemin sighs. Haechan can hear him tussling his hair. "I know. I should've been more careful, but I was really drunk." Haechan doesn't know how to respond to Jaemin's unexpectedly earnest admission. He must have stalled for too long, because Jaemin tacks on quickly, "We were celebrating our blowout win."
Haechan grimaces at the reminder of the 10 unread texts from his dad. "Fuck you for real, Na. Believe it or not, I'm just trying to look out for you here."
Jaemin chuckles quietly on the other side of the phone. "I know. Thank you."
Haechan's never been one to not completely lay out what's on his mind, so he continues. "I know you aren't at U Mich this time, but we're in a hockey state. People could have still recognized you, and that would have been really bad." Logically, Haechan should hope for Jaemin's downfall in any way possible. Not being constantly compared to another Asian American hockey player in Michigan would free him from a lot of anguish. But, thinking about anything remotely bad happening to Jaemin's career, especially in this way, makes his heart drop to his stomach.
"Yeah," Jaemin responds. Then, his voice gets softer. "Though, I wish I didn't have to worry about whether kissing someone would be bad for me."
A lump form in Haechan's throat. He doesn't know what compels him, but he responds, "I know."
There's a brief silence on the other end. "… You do?" Jaemin's voice is even lower now.
"Yeah," Haechan breathes. "I mean, I don't want to say that I've completely felt what you have before," He clarifies quickly. "But, I get it."
"So… you're trying to tell me that you've also kissed a guy before?"
Haechan can't stop the images that are popping up in his mind from last night and the blush that creeps up his cheeks. "No," he says, firmly.
"Oh," Jaemin responds. He can hear the sounds of Jaemin rustling, probably packing up his stuff. "Then, what are you trying to tell me?"
Fuck. There's no backing out now. "I… think that I want to try. But, I don't know if I ever can. Because, you know." He says it all very quickly.
Suddenly, there's silence on the other end. Jaemin must have stopped moving. Feeling the waves of shame rise up from his confession, he can't help but fill the awkwardness with more rambling. "Unless, I show up to a U Mich frat party drunk off my ass after beating you to make out with a random guy and hope to any god out there that no one recognizes me."
That earns Haechan a scoff. "In your fucking dreams." Haechan's heart finally settles at the familiar chirp, but not for long. "But, you know," Jaemin's voice lowers to an almost-whisper. "When you find yourself at U Mich, you wouldn't have to kiss a random guy, Donghyuck."
Before Haechan can mentally process what Jaemin just said, or if he'd even heard right, he hears some mumbling on the other side of the line. "Ugh, I gotta go, my roommate's waking up."
"Oh, okay," Haechan responds dumbly. What did Jaemin just say?
And then the line goes out.