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Thanatos had used to believe himself patient. It turns out what he actually was was precise. He arrived exactly where he needed to be exactly on time and did his job swiftly and carefully with excellent results. There was a reason he was the House’s Featured Employee so often, after all. One of his most important abilities was keeping exactly on schedule.
That wasn’t the same as being patient.
And now that he was in love he was beginning to understand that.
Everything in the Before time seemed to flow together into one perfect, endless day. Or night. He’d never tell Lord Hades, but he actually fully agreed with Zagreus that it was impossible to tell time in the House, and ever since Lady Demeter had begun her eternal winter it was hard to tell time on the surface as well. It was a soothing rhythm at a fairly consistent pace, even when Lord Ares was in full form on the surface. Too busy to return often to the House, maybe, but never more than he could handle. Eventually he would get a short reprieve where he would return, and the same faces would greet him every time.
It was a rhythm that made everything outside of it easy to ignore. Including his feelings.
That had been shattered the day his ridiculously smug older brother had gleefully informed him, in his own way, that the Prince was attempting to escape the Underworld.
Charon hadn’t even finished talking before Than had shifted away, determined to find his best friend and wring his neck, either in fear or in relief.
Impatient. Too impatient to wait until his brother finished speaking. Too impatient to think about what he was feeling before confronting Zagreus. Too impatient to think about what he’d say when he got there. And then too impatient to leave, the wreckage of what had once been the closest relationship Than had ever had burning at their feet.
He’d always thought Zag was the impatient one, but he wasn’t. Zagreus was determined, brave, steadfast, honourable, and, actually, patient. He’d waited for Than while Than was working, waited for others until they were off shift to bother them, waited for those that said trust us to come true with the purpose and direction they’d hinted to him (it stuck in his craw that his mother was one of them, but in the end she had come through, at least), waited and hoped. Waited more patiently than anyone had ever given him credit for until the hope was gone and only then shook things up with his leaving (after waiting patiently for Athena to reach out). And then he was patient still when others would have given up or given in. When his personal growth seemed too little, too late. When It looked like all others had turned on him. He was patient with himself, through the pain. He was patient with his friends, through their doubts… And he was patient with Thanatos, despite the wildly mixed signals he knew he had sent.
He was patient with Than while he threw away everything he’d ever considered important on a vague understanding that he could never have let Zag stand on his own. Not when he’d finally discovered the purpose he had been so patiently waiting for. He was patient with Than when he blamed his own choices on the Prince despite it being his own traitorous, impatient heart that was leading him. He was patient when Than pulled away, trying to give him space to organize his own life without the added pressure of Than’s demanding questions and impatience when he already had so much going on (“What am I to you, exactly, as of late?” Really? Really?? To someone who had just been dealt the devastating blow of learning the air is actual poison to him? So he’d never get to actually spend time with the mother who just met him? ReallyI?). He was even prepared to be patient while he assumed Than was sorting out his own feelings (he was not, he was too busy drowning in them for any sorting to get done). It had been Than who, impatient as he had just learned he was, had taken Zag straight to bed the moment the Prince had made it clear his feelings were more than friendly, mortals be damned.
It was the most behind he had been since Sisyphus and he didn’t regret it in the slightest. Lord Hades had called him out on his tardiness when he’d been much less late due to assisting Zag, but had let this instance go. Possibly due to his improving relationship with his wayward son, possibly because Than was so incredibly smug about working his way so deep into the Prince’s heart he knew he’d never leave.
(Zag was open and giving with both his attention and affection, but had only known love that hurt until this point. Yet he loved still. He loved even those that caused the hurt. And he loved Than, and that was worth more than anything else Than had ever had or done.)
He hadn’t been the House’s Featured Servant this time around. Oh no, it had been Zag (and if the Wretched Broker said that Than had slipped him a little extra to get that picture for Than when it came down that was a lie, all right? Nothing Happened.) and Than was so incredibly pleased that Zag was finally flourishing, and that his father was acknowledging him, and that he was honestly, truly happy for the first time.
(He used to think Zag was happy in the House. It was a big part of why he was so hurt and baffled by Zag wanting to leave. It had been, again, Charon that had smugly informed him Zag wasn’t happy at the House, he was happy Than was at the House. Which had been both a delightful and mortifying conversation. At least his brother was enjoying his obliviousness and social ineptitudes.)
Zag was happy, Zag was flourishing, Zag was focussed… And Than had promised himself he wasn’t going to ruin it all by being not just impatient but also greedy.
It’s not that he begrudged anyone or anything else Zag’s attention, especially when he had his own important work to do, but Than was learning a lot about his less-than-stellar impulses in this relationship. It was a constant struggle not to follow Zag around like a lost puppy, demanding attention and affection as he went.
He’d never actually needed to share Zag’s attention before. If he was at the House, it was on him.
Now Zag spent more time out of the House than in it. It was a good thing, and Than had to keep reminding himself of it when it didn’t feel like it. But it meant that, for the first time since the Prince was born, he was more likely to not be there when Than returned than to be there.
That wasn’t a problem, Than could find him anywhere (and would. He hadn’t been joking about that surface thing) but… He didn’t want to intrude. Didn’t want Lord Hades to think he thought Zag was incapable. Didn’t want Zag to think Than thought he was incapable. Didn’t want to overwhelm him. Didn’t want to bother him. They were immortal. They had forever for this thing between them.
But for the first time he really understood why mortals clung so hard to the lives and people they had. He had privately thought Orpheus and Achilles both foolish for clinging so hard to a memory… But his was right here and he was even worse than them.
It was the highlight of his day every time Zag used Mort to summon him. Zag was handsome at any time, but he was truly incandescent when he was in his element and thriving the way he did in combat. It was only ever a brief moment, those summons, just a glimpse…
But Than was impatient and greedy and in love. He’d been doing so well on not butting in where he wasn’t wanted or intruding on his beloved’s work… It wasn’t like he never visited him on the job. This was fine, this was their normal, this wasn’t too much…
“It’s been a while, Zag.” This was stupid, he was stupid, it hadn’t even been part of an hour and Charon was going to laugh at him…
But it was all worth it for the delighted grin that spread across Zag’s face. “Than!”
That would always be worth anything (everything).