Archive of Our Own

Megumi had never spared a second thought about his appearance. Yes, he’d inherited strong genes from the Zenin Clan. Yes, he could admit he was good looking. Hell, others had told him to his face how attractive he was (including that time Kugisaki went on a five-minute rant about how unfair it was that his eyelashes were naturally like that), but he’d never spent any extra time focused on his features.

Things were… different now.

Megumi forced himself to look at his reflection in the mirror. His gaze travelled over the small scar under his left eye, before flicking to the larger one marring his right eye. It was lucky his vision wasn’t a mess and that he still had both his eyes. Instead, he was left with these marks; ones that were still angry looking months after he’d gotten them. He flattened his hair against the right side of his face; if he styled it right, the marks were partially hidden.

When his spikes refused to lay flat without any product to hold them down, he gave up and his gaze went lower. He clenched his jaw as he traced his fingers over the disfigured skin on his abdomen and along his sides. Like his face, his body had never been marked outside of a few childhood scars. His skin had gone from smooth and unblemished, to bumpy and mutilated.

It was dangerous being a jujutsu sorcerer, and there was no avoiding injury. Some lost entire limbs. Others their lives. Walking away with scars was lucky.

But these scars?

They were… ugly.

Not only in appearance, but also from how he’d acquired them. A permanent reminder of the hell he’d been through. Every time he looked in the mirror, Megumi saw his presence. And it made him hate himself. He found it harder and harder to look at his reflection and to look others in the eye.

When he’d fully recovered after the battle was over, he felt somewhat fine – at first. Then slowly he started retreating into himself; he’d make excuses not to hang out with Itadori and Kugisaki, would take solo missions only and stay in his room if he had nowhere to be. Countless times he’d ignored Itadori’s knocks at his door. And while they became less frequent, they never completely stopped.

It's not like he wanted to isolate himself; his mind was just a massive tangle and he was working through it the only way he knew how. Pushing people away was unfair; especially Itadori. He’d been through more than enough pain, and even then, he pushed that pain aside and continued to fight to save Megumi.

The thought of looking him in the eye, while these hideous scars were a reminder of the evil that had consumed him mind, body and spirit; it made him feel sick. Which was a stupid mentality to have, Megumi knew. After all, if anyone could understand how he felt, it would be Itadori. But it wasn’t that simple. Thinking about it was one thing; actually, talking about it was a whole other matter. One that Megumi was not quite ready to face.

He tore his gaze away from the mirror and hastily pulled his shirt over his head. After buttoning his jacket, he grabbed his phone before heading out the door.

Halfway to the curse site, he realised he hadn’t styled his hair over his eye.

*

Megumi’s sleep schedule had been completely out of whack since he returned. For nearly two months he spent most of his time sleeping; his mind and body were so exhausted from the stress he’d been through that he couldn’t do much else. He vaguely remembered Itadori staying with him or assisting with things like bathing, but for the most part it was a blur.

When his body finally recovered enough strength to function properly, he was met with a new problem: insomnia. Megumi was left alone with his thoughts and as hard as he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Those sleepless nights birthed yet another problem, because the guilt and sadness and hurt morphed horrible nightmares.

They were mild at first. Manageable. Megumi would jolt awake, tangled in his blankets and drenched in sweat. It took a while for him to settle again but most of the time, he never went back to sleep. Sure, his eyes were closed, but sleep hardly claimed him again. His mind spun. Images flashed across the back of his eyes, haunting him. Faces of those he hurt or lost. Itadori, Gojo-sensei… Tsumiki.

He tried to hold the tears back at first. Tried to be strong. But sometimes it was too much. Sometimes, the nightmares were so vivid he didn’t know he was crying until he felt the wetness on his cheeks. It was better to let it flow and let it pass. No one was there to see it.

The worst part about these nightmares was that every time, Megumi felt immobilized. Wave after wave of panic washed over him at how similar it felt to being trapped inside him. Unable to move, unable to act.

Like. Right. Now.

His feet were rooted to the ground. His limbs felt heavy but his vision was sharp. Around him was nothing but darkness. Yet he could still see.

A few metres away, a random person stood rigidly, their back to him. He blinked twice.  Not some random person.

Tsumiki.

He opened his mouth to call her name. Nothing came out. He tried to lift his legs, wave his arms.

But he couldn’t move.

He could only watch.

Tsumiki turned around. When she looked at Megumi, she smiled. Softly at first. Then a grin spread onto her face. And it didn’t stop. The corners of her mouth pulled up unnaturally to the corners of her eyes. Eyes that weren’t warm brown. Eyes that were hollow, carved out.

Megumi tried to move again. And failed. He squeezed his eyes shut. A mistake. Tsumiki – or the thing that used to be Tsumiki – was closer. Fear gripped him. He tried to scream. He needed to move.

Tsumiki was in front of him. ‘You killed me.’

He blinked and Tsumiki became Mahoraga. Towered over him. Megumi tried to speak, but no words came out. He blinked again and Tsumiki was back. Bloodied.

‘…Fushiguro…’

‘YOU KILLED ME.’

I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t stop him! Megumi screamed.

‘…Fushiguro…’

Tsumiki opened her mouth wider than humanly possible and wailed. It was eerie, pained. And it tore through Megumi’s heart.

‘MEGUMI!’

His eyes flew open and he jerked upright, his breathing ragged. Hands caught his shoulders and steadied him.

‘You’re okay, deep breaths.’

When his vision focused, he met the concerned gaze of Itadori. He instinctively backed up, causing Itadori’s grip to fall. Itadori didn’t say anything, only watched him. Megumi glanced around, and realised his lamp was on. Although dim, it was enough light to see his tear-stained face.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, angling his body away from Itadori as he wiped his cheeks.

‘I heard you screaming. I think you were having a nightmare,’ he said.

‘Sorry for waking you,’ Megumi mumbled and pulled on his hair.

‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘What… what was it about?’

Megumi thought about lying, but Itadori was here now and the flood gates had opened. ‘Tsumiki.’

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Itadori nod. He didn’t say anything, because he knew there was nothing to say. He knew the guilt Megumi felt over Tsumiki’s death would never go away and there were no comforting words to offer. The wound would stay open for a long time, so it was no use widening it.

‘Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?’ Itadori asked. ‘Were you embarrassed or something?’

Megumi shook his head. ‘No, I…’

He hadn’t put his feelings into words yet and it was harder than he thought. How could he explain this without it sounding like a vanity thing?

‘I didn’t want you looking at me, not when I have these,’ he finally said and touched his hand to his right eye.

‘But… I like looking at you,’ Itadori said gently. ‘A lot, actually.’

Megumi’s heart pounded and he felt tears prick his eyes. When he turned to Itadori, he found concern still furrowed his brows, but his eyes had softened.

‘You could shave your head and I’d still want to look at you,’ Itadori said, then quickly added, ‘don’t though, because you’d look funny bald.’

Megumi’s face crumpled and he hastily swiped the tears from his eyes. How stupid he’d been. From the moment Itadori had blown into Megumi’s life like a hurricane, he’d always cared deeply about their friendship. At his core, Itadori was fiercely protective and he would do anything to make sure the ones he loved were safe; something he had done time and time again since they’d met.

All Megumi knew was that he had never felt drawn to anyone as much as he did to Itadori. Which was absurd, because what did they have in common outside of being Jujutsu Sorcerers? They were opposites. But then, maybe that was why. The way Itadori tackled problems was so foreign to him and he found it fascinating.

The moment he ate that first finger, their lives had been thrown into chaos and Megumi barely had any time to really question what he was feeling. Between Shibuya, the Culling Games and… being controlled, how could he?

Now that the battle was over, the suppression of those feelings was starting to bubble to the surface again. He could try to push them down and forget they existed. If he tried hard enough, he could-

‘I have them too,’ Itadori said. Megumi watched as he touched the scar that crossed between his eyes. ‘Do you find it hard to look at me?’

Megumi swallowed and shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Good.’ Itadori smiled softly. ‘I want you to always look at me, okay?’

Megumi nodded and bit his lip to stop it quivering. He didn’t know what response he expected from Itadori, but it wasn’t that. He wasn’t hurt that Megumi was avoiding him; he just wanted to reassure him that no matter what, he always had someone to look to.

‘I should go. Try to get back to sleep,’ Itadori said as he got to his feet. Before he moved out of reach, Megumi’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

‘Wait,’ he said. Itadori looked at their hands before his gaze flicked to Megumi’s face. Megumi felt his cheeks go warm, but he didn’t look away. ‘Do you think… you could stay?’

Itadori nodded. ‘Sure, yeah.’

Megumi shifted to make room and once they were comfortable, Itadori switched the lamp off, plunging the room into darkness.

‘Uh, can I… is it okay if I put my arm around you?’ Itadori asked. ‘It’s gonna be more comfortable.’

Megumi was glad it was dark from the way his face heated. ‘That’s fine.’

Itadori moved closer so his chest was against Megumi’s back and he gently draped his arm over his middle. Megumi took a few shaky breaths and closed his eyes. Please let me sleep.

‘Hey, Fushiguro?’ Itadori whispered.

‘Yeah?’

‘Please don’t push me away again.’

‘I won’t.’

*

When Megumi woke the next morning, he didn’t feel sluggish. In fact, he’d fallen back to sleep not too long after Itadori turned the light off. Itadori. He’d slept in the same bed as Itadori.

Megumi rolled over and was met with an empty bed. He touched the sheets and they were cool, so Itadori had been gone a while. He was kind of relieved because what kind of awkward morning would that have been?

But…

In Itadori’s embrace, he’d gone back to sleep and slept through to his alarm. That hadn’t happened for over a month. His heart rattled against his chest and he pulled the covers over his face. He replayed the conversation they had last night in his head, trying not to get too hung up on Itadori’s somewhat personal words. I want you to always look at me.

Itadori had always been more open with his feelings, so it was normal for him to say what was on his mind. He was comforting a friend, that’s all.

A knock sounded at his door, followed by, ‘Fushiguro, you awake?’

Megumi got out of bed to answer. Itadori stood there, dressed in a hoodie and jacket combo, black jeans and red sneakers. He grinned at Megumi.

‘You’re not busy today, right?’ he asked.

‘Uh… no?’

‘Good. Kugisaki wants to go shopping and I don’t wanna go alone,’ he said.

Megumi raised an eyebrow. ‘You think I want to go shopping?’

‘You gotta come, or she’ll make me carry all her bags and last time there was at least fifteen of them,’ Itadori said. ‘If there’s two of us, we can share the load.’

Megumi sighed. ‘She’s just going to buy more if we’re both carrying her things.’

‘Fushiguro pleeeease,’ Itadori begged. ‘I don’t know if I can listen to her compare lipstick colours again. Last time she had two that were identical and wanted my opinion and then got mad when I said they were the same colour.’

Megumi refrained from smiling and then glanced back at his room. He didn’t have any plans today aside from staying in and reading; as much as he still wanted to do that, he felt his time in isolation was over. Besides, he would be with the two people he trusted most.

‘Give me ten minutes,’ he said.

‘You’re the best!’ Itadori fist pumped. ‘I’ll wait here.’

While Megumi got dressed, he wondered if Itadori had purposefully not said anything about last night. It wasn’t like he had to and maybe he just figured there was no point. They said what needed to be said and now they were moving on. Megumi was grateful the more that he thought about it.

Once he was ready, he met Itadori and they headed to the front of the school. Kugisaki was waiting for them and when she saw Megumi, she crossed her arms.

‘Look who decided to show his face again,’ she said. Megumi instinctively pulled on his hair.

‘Aw, come on Kugisaki, leave him alone,’ Itadori said. ‘We’re here, so let’s go.’

Kugisaki walked over and stopped in front of Megumi. ‘You doing okay?’ she asked softly.

Megumi’s gaze flicked over Kugisaki’s face, lingering on the eyepatch. If Kugisaki could go out without letting her scars hold her back, Megumi had no excuse.

‘I’m okay,’ he said.

Kugisaki nodded. ‘Good, because with you here, I can buy twice as much.’

Megumi glanced at Itadori and smirked. Itadori scrunched his face up and groaned. Kugisaki took the lead and soon enough they were on their way. After the devastation that rocked Shibuya (one of Kugisaki’s favourite shopping spots), and the neighbouring Shinjuku City, their destination ended up being in Ginza.

Being out amongst people again was strange at first; Megumi felt very aware of himself and stayed close to Itadori’s side. Kugisaki was prattling on about some dress she wanted, but Megumi’s was too distracted by the people and noises around them to hear what she was saying.

They wandered into a shopping complex and Kugisaki’s eye lit up at all the clothes and jewellery. At one point they completely lost her and when she came back, she dumped three bags into Itadori’s hands. He didn’t complain and they continued on until they came to the makeup section. Kugisaki turned and looked from Itadori to Megumi.

‘Fushiguro, I’m going to need your help,’ she said. ‘Because Itadori is apparently colour blind.’

Itadori groaned. ‘The only colour blind one here is you! It was the exact same lipstick!’

Megumi smiled slightly. Hanging out with Itadori and Kugisaki again brought him more comfort than he thought. He’d never admit it out loud, but hearing them bickering made him happy. This felt… normal. Something he hadn’t been for a long time.

Kugisaki waved her hand at Itadori. ‘Wait here. We shouldn’t be too long.’

Megumi raised his eyebrows at Itadori as he followed Kugisaki further into the department. He was thankful Itadori had screwed this up last time, because he knew what he had to do. Every colour comparison she held up, he chose one. Most of the time, Kugisaki agreed. When she didn’t, he backed up his choice as simply as possible. They were done within fifteen minutes.

‘That was so fast!’ Itadori said as Kugisaki handed him another bag.

‘That’s because Fushiguro actually made helpful decisions,’ Kugisaki said started walking away.

Megumi glanced at Itadori. ‘I just picked the one in her left hand each time.’

‘You’re a genius,’ Itadori replied.

Four stops and six new bags later, they paused for some lunch. While Kugisaki was off getting her food, Megumi glanced around until his gaze rested on Itadori. He was staring off into the distance while he drank his melon soda, so Megumi took a moment to just look at him.

In the afternoon sun, the light dusting of freckles on his nose and cheeks were more visible. The scar tissue at the corner of his mouth pulled the skin into his cheek slightly, but it didn’t take away from his looks. Neither did the one between his eyes. Megumi decided he liked everything about Itadori’s face, including his warm brown eyes.

Warm brown eyes that were now looking back at him. Itadori smiled and almost immediately Megumi felt the blush rise to his face as he quickly averted his gaze to his onigiri.

‘I’m glad you decided to come today,’ Itadori said. He mixed the flavour sachet into his noodles. ‘We missed hanging out with you.’

‘I guess I have you to thank for the pep talk last night,’ Megumi said and slowly took a bite of his onigiri.

Itadori paused his stirring and looked at him. ‘I’m glad that helped.’

Megumi nodded, but before anything else could be said, Kugisaki returned and steered the conversation to some new fashion trend she was interested in. They spent another hour shopping and miraculously, both Megumi and Itadori didn’t come out empty handed. Megumi managed to pick up two new books and Itadori got himself a leather bracelet – with Kugisaki’s help of course. Compared to her eighteen bags of clothing, makeup and shoes, their two bags were nothing.

Back at the school, they parted ways with Kugisaki and headed back to their rooms in silence. Being out for nearly a whole day had completely wiped Megumi’s energy and he needed to lie down. He gave Itadori a lazy wave before closing himself in his room. He kicked off his shoes and lowered himself to the floor until he was on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Barely three minutes later, a soft knock sounded. ‘Fushiguro? I accidentally took your books.’

‘Come in.’

Itadori opened the door and glanced around. ‘Why are the lights off? And why are you on the floor?’

‘I needed darkness and quiet,’ Megumi replied.

Itadori set the bag on the bed and looked down at him. ‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine. Just a big day,’ he said.

‘We’ll do something more chill next time,’ Itadori said as he headed for the door. He turned and smiled. ‘Maybe a movie night?’

‘As long as you’re not in charge of picking what we watch,’ Megumi said.

‘Hey! What’s wrong with my choices?’ Itadori said.

‘I think you know.’

Itadori frowned and then pointed at him. ‘I’m gonna pick a movie you’ll like to prove you wrong. Just you wait.’

‘Looking forward to it.’

Itadori smiled again, saying a quick goodbye before slipping out of the room. Megumi stayed on the floor, letting his overwhelmed brain and warm face settle down.

*

Later that night, Megumi stared at his alarm clock from his bed. It was just after midnight and he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. His eyes felt scratchy, so he knew he was tired but his mind and body refused to relax. Was it because he’d had such an exhausting day, or was it the fear of having another nightmare? The thought of seeing Tsumiki in his dreams again made him tense and he slowly sat up. He hardly remembered what it was like to have a peaceful night’s sleep-

Wait, that wasn’t true.

Megumi looked at the wall his room shared with Itadori’s. No, that was out of the question. Last night had been a one-time thing and he didn’t want to annoy Itadori just because he couldn’t sleep.

But…

It was the first time he’d gone back to sleep after a nightmare and he really liked waking up not feeling like a zombie. He glanced at his clock again and then threw the blankets back. He quietly manoeuvred across his room and into the hallway. At Itadori’s door he paused for a brief moment before knocking lightly.

‘Itadori?’

When he heard no movement, he knocked again. Nothing. Just as he was about to go back to his room, the door opened. Itadori stood there, his hair tussled from sleep. Megumi’s gaze briefly caught on his bare chest before meeting his gaze.

‘Fushiguro? What… why are you out here?’ Itadori asked

‘I…um… can’t sleep,’ he said, his gaze on the floor.

‘Wanna come in?’ Itadori stepped aside to let Megumi in.

Itadori’s room was chaotic compared to Megumi’s. Posters were plastered on the walls, manga and magazines were in stacks on the floor by some discarded clothes and his desk was strewn with his laptop, textbooks and pens. His bedsheets were rumpled from sleep and a pillow hung half off the bed. Megumi straightened it before glancing at Itadori.

‘Sorry to barge in like this,’ he said.

‘Nah, it’s cool,’ Itadori said and then gestured to the bed.

Megumi crawled onto it and settled onto his side. The bed dipped with Itadori’s weight and a moment later the light went out. He instantly felt the heat radiating from Itadori’s body as his arm dropped around his waist.

‘Still okay?’ he whispered.

‘Yes.’ Megumi clutched his hands to his chest to stop himself from reaching for Itadori’s hand.

‘Night, Fushiguro.’

‘Night, Itadori.’

*

The next month followed a similar pattern; come bed time, either Megumi would go to Itadori’s room or the other way around. It was nothing more than sleeping beside each other and it brought Megumi enough comfort that his nightmares decreased drastically. Instead of it being a nightly occurrence, it was one or two a week. And every time it happened, Itadori was there to calm him down.

However, when he woke each morning, he was alone in the bed. Itadori was never far away, but not once had Megumi woken up next to him. Which was fine, but he couldn’t help but be curious as to why. They hadn’t verbally communicated the arrangement, and enough time had passed that asking now seemed silly. Itadori wasn’t awkward every morning he greeted Megumi, so he chalked it up to Itadori being an early riser.

Megumi used to dread bed time, but now he looked forward to it. Knowing he would have a restful sleep improved his mood a lot. It definitely had nothing to do with being in Itadori’s arms every night. Megumi’s chest definitely didn’t flutter every time. It’s nothing.

Everything was going fine.

Until it wasn’t.

It was during their first mission together since Megumi’s recovery; several cursed spirits had killed two people at a site in Hino, so they were sent in to deal with it.  One of the cursed spirits managed to get a swipe in on Megumi as it fell, slicing from forehead to eyebrow. Blood poured out of the wound and he stumbled back as it went into his eye.

As he pressed his fingers to it, he heard running footsteps and looked up to find Itadori coming at him at full speed.

‘Fushiguro!’ he cried and skidded to a stop before him. His hands went to Megumi’s face and his gaze flicked over his features frantically. ‘You’re hurt… are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, it’s just a scratch,’ Megumi said and swatted his hands away. Itadori pushed back and touched his face again.

‘There’s so much blood… are you sure it’s not bad?’ he asked and looked over the rest of Megumi’s body for potential injuries. Megumi paused and noted the panic in Itadori’s wide eyes. He looked pale and his jaw was clenched.

‘Itadori,’ he said and waited for him to make eye contact, ‘I’m okay. Its just a small cut.’

Itadori nodded and let go of his face. ‘Good. That’s good. I took care of the other two so we can head back. Get that cleaned up.’

Megumi managed to get most of the blood off before they got back to the school. After a quick pass by to see Shoko, he and Itadori headed back to their rooms. Megumi turned to say something, but before he could Itadori was in his face, hand outstretched. Megumi froze and watched as he traced his fingers gently over his skin where the cut had been. When he was satisfied, he met Megumi’s gaze.

‘Just wanted to double check,’ he said and stepped back. He averted his gaze and looked to his bedroom door. ‘Did you wanna watch a movie later? I found one I think you’ll like.’

‘Sure. Seven PM okay?’

Itadori nodded, still keeping his gaze averted. ‘Sounds good.’

He disappeared into his room before Megumi could say anything else. When 7pm rolled around, Megumi knocked on Itadori’s door before letting himself in.

‘Just getting the movie ready,’ Itadori said from his desk, without looking up. Megumi nodded and got comfortable on the bed while Itadori clicked away on his laptop. When they were both settled, Itadori hit play and they watched the screen silently.

Ten minutes into the movie, Megumi became hyper aware of the fact that this was the first time they’d hung out one on one in private since before Shibuya. Back then, when things had been simpler and before they started sleeping in the same bed. They were shoulder to shoulder, and their arms were touching. Megumi glanced down at his hand beside Itadori’s. All he had to do was move an inch to the left and their fingers would graze.

His heart pounded.

Itadori shifted suddenly and it took all of Megumi’s self-control not to jerk away. Instead, he cleared his throat and adjusted himself as well. Itadori glanced at him and gave him a small smile before focusing back on the movie. Oh yeah, the movie. What was the plot again?

Before too long, the credits rolled and Itadori was making comments about it.

‘Sooooo what did you think?’ he asked.

Megumi had no idea what he just watched. Sure, he was looking at the screen, but his mind had been… otherwise preoccupied.

‘It was okay I suppose,’ he said casually.

‘One day I’ll pick a movie that blows your socks off,’ Itadori said. He closed the laptop and put it on his bedside table. They spent the next hour messing around on their phones before calling it a night.

Megumi had made the mistake of not using the bathroom before they turned the lights out and now, he was paying for it. He carefully extracted himself from Itadori’s arms and silently walked across the room until he was out the door. He quickly went about his business and when he returned to the hallway to their rooms, he faltered. Itadori’s bedroom door was thrown open, light spilling out into the hall. Megumi’s door was ajar.

As quietly as he could, he moved towards the rooms, sticking to the shadows. When he reached his, he slowly peered around the corner. The tension in his shoulders eased for a moment when he spotted Itadori seated on his bed.

‘What are you doing in here?’ he asked, stepping inside.

Itadori’s eyes snapped to him and before he could react, he was being tackled to the ground in a hug. They landed with a thud and Megumi could hardly move under Itadori’s weight.

‘Itadori, what-’

‘Where were you?’ he asked, his voice wavering.

‘I had to pee, I-’

Itadori backed off until he was on his knees and he squeezed his eyes closed. ‘I woke up and you were gone… I didn’t… I thought you… I wasn’t sure if you were coming back I… you were hurt and…’

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he didn’t wipe them away. Megumi knew a panic attack when he saw one. He sat up quickly and took Itadori’s face between his hands.

‘Itadori,’ he said gently. 

‘I’m Sorry… I just… Sorry, I-’

‘Yuji, look at me.’

Itadori opened his eyes. Fresh tears built up and as they spilled, Megumi wiped them away. Neither of them broke eye contact and after a moment, Itadori’s breathing returned to normal. Megumi slowly lowered his hands, but stayed close.

‘What’s this about?’ Megumi asked.

‘I thought I was over it. It felt like I was. But… seeing you covered in blood earlier today, it flipped some switch in my head or something,’ he said. ‘My mind… I was dreaming about you and it just warped that into something dark and twisted. When I woke up and you weren’t there it freaked me out because I thought it had come true. And when I checked your room, it was like you hadn’t even been in here and it freaked me out even more.’

Megumi didn’t move or make a sound. His breathing stilled and he kept his gaze focused on Itadori’s face and the tears rolling down his cheeks.

‘You went through the worst of it, that’s just a fact,’ Itadori said. ‘But… having you taken away like that and being so helpless in the moment… it was like having my heart ripped out. Losing you was like losing a piece of myself. It hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. And the thought of losing you again scares me so much.’

Megumi didn’t like seeing Itadori like this. In fact, he hated it. Itadori was supposed to smile and laugh and be the brightest one in the room. Not this. Megumi knew to an extent how much the events had impacted him. It was one thing to assume, it was another to hear it directly from the source.

Megumi closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around Itadori. ‘I’m not going anywhere, I promise.’

Itadori held him tightly, staying silent as more tears fell. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Megumi pulled back. He wiped Itadori’s cheeks before getting to his feet and holding out his hand.

‘Come on, let’s get some sleep.’

That night, Megumi held Itadori for the first time. It was also the first time since their arrangement started that he didn’t fall asleep straight away. No, his mind was racing with Itadori’s words. Megumi meant a lot to him; after all, he wouldn’t have gone to all that trouble otherwise. But seeing the genuine fear in his eyes was enough to rattle him. It made his heart ache. Itadori needed him as much as he needed Itadori.

Tears pricked Megumi’s eyes and he held Itadori tighter.

*

Something had shifted between them. It wasn’t noticeable at first; they went about their usual jujutsu responsibilities, social and school activities and of course, their sleeping arrangement.  Somewhere along the line, Itadori became more subdued around Megumi. He still talked his ear off, and said some stupid stuff, but he was also spending more time quietly watching Megumi. Observing him. The first few times Megumi caught him, his face flushed and he averted his gaze.

Then he didn’t look away; he held Megumi’s stare, and only when he smiled slightly did Megumi tear his gaze away first. It happened more and more and each time it sent a shockwave through Megumi’s stomach. It didn’t feel like that long ago that he didn’t want Itadori looking at him. But now? He liked it. A lot.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t embarrassed about it. Sure, he’d always liked Itadori and knew it would be one sided, considering he liked girls. However, it felt like the attention he was giving Megumi fell outside the friendsphere and it was causing his thoughts to scramble like crazy.

So, he handled it the only way he knew how; cool indifference.

Megumi was seated on the grass in one of the courtyards, hands splayed out either side of him.  The music playing through his earphones drowned out the sounds of the school, so he didn’t hear Itadori approach until he took one of his earphones out.

‘Whatcha listening to?’ he asked, putting it into his ear. Megumi jumped and Itadori laughed. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘It’s okay,’ he said.

‘What is this?’ Itadori asked, mimicking Megumi’s posture.

‘Avicii.’

‘I didn’t think you’d listen to this stuff,’ he said.

‘I don’t,’ Megumi said. ‘I was going through Gojo-sensei’s music and wanted to listen to something.’

‘Ohhh… yeah this definitely sounds like the music he liked.’

Megumi nodded in response and they were quiet as they listened to the song. Due to the length of the earphone cord, they were sitting close and Megumi glanced down at his hand beside Itadori’s. If he moved an inch to the right, their fingers would-

Itadori moved his hand and their pinky fingers touched. In a different time, Megumi would have jerked away, but now, he stayed put. He felt himself blush, so he kept his gaze pointed towards the sky. Itadori’s hand moved a little more; their pinky’s overlapped and he could feel the warmth and roughness of his hand. His heart pounded and he snuck a glance at him.

Itadori wasn’t looking at him at first, but he must have sensed movement because he turned his head towards him and smiled.

Megumi’s heart was in his throat.

‘Hey, so-’

‘There you two are!’

Megumi and Itadori turned at the same time; the earphones fell between them and they adjusted their sitting position. Kugisaki sat down in front of them.

‘You’ll never guess what Toge told me,’ she said.

‘What?’ Itadori asked, crossing his legs and leaning forward.

‘Yuta asked Maki out on a date.’

‘That was brave of him,’ Itadori said and laughed.

‘She said yes.’

‘WHAT?’ Megumi didn’t mean to yell, but WHAT?

‘I know, I can’t believe it,’ Kugisaki said and Megumi could’ve sworn he heard an undertone of annoyance.

‘Are you sure?’ Megumi asked.

‘Toge witnessed the whole exchange. He couldn’t believe it either,’ Kugisaki said.

‘I mean, good for Yuta,’ Itadori said.

‘Anyway, I thought you should know,’ Kugisaki said and got to her feet. ‘I’ll try to get some goss from Maki.’

‘Please don’t,’ Megumi said. She ignored him.

‘I’ll see you dorks later,’ she said and left as quickly as she’d appeared. 

‘I need to think about something other than that,’ Megumi said and pocketed the earphones.

‘Well, did you wanna go do something? Get out of here for a bit?’ Itadori asked.

‘I’m not watching Human Earthworm 5 with you,’ Megumi said.

Itadori frowned but then smiled. ‘Nah, no movies. Why don’t we go to the aquarium?’

Megumi raised an eyebrow. ‘The aquarium?’

‘Yeah! I haven’t been in years,’ Itadori said.

The look of excitement on Itadori’s face made it hard for Megumi to say no. So, they gathered their things and headed out. Megumi had never been to the Tokyo Sea Life Park, and the moment they made it through the doors, Itadori’s eyes lit up. He grabbed Megumi by the arm and dragged him into the first exhibit.

They wandered each area, looking at the fish, crabs and turtles. Itadori would stare at the fish in wonder and point out funny looking ones; he watched a spider crab walking across its tank for a good five minutes before they moved on.

‘Hey Fushiguro, that one looks like you!’ he said and pointed into the tank.

Megumi leant in to find a lone sea urchin on the bed, its black spikes protruding in all directions. He looked at Itadori and frowned.

‘What? I think it’s cute,’ he said, laughing. Megumi was too caught up in the pure joy of Itadori’s laugh to focus on his heated face. Was Itadori saying he was cute? Megumi’s head spun and he shook the thought away.

Itadori grabbed his arm again and didn’t let go until they reached the penguin enclosure. They waited for people ahead of them to move on and then stepped up to the front so they could see properly. The penguins scuttled about, jumped in and out of the water and nibbled on their food.

‘Penguins are funny little things,’ Itadori said.

‘During courtship some penguins gift their intended a pebble as a way to show they’re serious about being their mate and building a nest together,’ Megumi said. ‘Ultimately though it’s up to the female penguin who she chooses.’ He glanced at Itadori to find him already looking at him. ‘What?’

‘Nothing, I just didn’t think you’d know much about penguins,’ he said.

Megumi shrugged. ‘I watched a documentary a few years ago.’

‘Well, I think that’s a really cool way to show you’re interested,’ Itadori said and looked back at the penguins.

They stayed a little bit longer before continuing on. After going through the other areas, they had a quick bite to eat before heading for the exit. Itadori insisted on visiting the gift shop before they left, so Megumi busied himself by looking at the books on offer. After a few minutes Itadori found him.

‘I got you this,’ he said and handed Megumi a small bag. He looked inside a pulled out a key chain with a blue turtle on it. ‘I got one too, see?’ Itadori’s was exactly the same, only his turtle was pink. He grinned at Megumi. ‘Do you like it?’

Megumi nodded slowly. ‘I do. Thank you.’

During the trip back to the school, Megumi was quiet. Aside from a few ‘yeahs’ and ‘mmhmms’ to Itadori’s chatter, he didn’t offer up much. His head was spinning and he was feeling… strange. When they finally arrived back, they headed to their rooms in silence. Halfway across the main walkway, Megumi slowed his pace until he stopped. Itadori turned to him and tilted his head.

‘Fushiguro?’

‘I… I’m just gonna go for a walk,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back a bit later.’

‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah, its fine. I’ll catch up with you.’

He turned before Itadori could say anything else. When he put enough distance between them, he found a bench, sat down and stared at the ground.

Megumi had never received genuine affection, physical and non, growing up. He never knew his mother and his father was a deadbeat who was never around. Sure, Gojo-sensei took him and Tsumiki in and cared for them, but there was never a level of love there that he knew existed amongst other families. He could identify it, but he didn’t know how to respond properly when it was offered to him.

He held the key chain out in front of his face.

Itadori’s actions since that first night he woke Megumi from the nightmare had been nothing but kind. He comforted Megumi without question or without prying too much. His presence alone had been enough to settle him down but, in the process, had created a new problem.

Megumi knew two things as fact; he’d liked Itadori for a long time and lately it had gotten worse. All these kind gestures were confusing and making him feel uncertain, because Itadori was not interested in him romantically. There was no way. He was just protective and cared deeply about his friends.

Megumi’s head felt a mess. His heart felt worse.

He’d never had feelings for someone this complicated before and if it went on much longer, it was going to rip him apart. What could he do? He promised Itadori he wasn’t going anywhere and he didn’t want to break that, not after seeing that look in his eyes. Staying away was not an option. The only other thing he could do was say his feelings out loud. He buried his head in his hands. The thought of doing that made him feel ill.

After another ten minutes of tug of war with his thoughts, Megumi groaned and stood. Overthinking about this any longer would send him into a spiral he knew he wouldn’t easily surface from, so he headed back to his room. He quickly changed out of his day clothes into something more comfortable before going to Itadori’s door. He knocked lightly and listened; it was quiet so he turned the handle and peered in.

Itadori was on his side, asleep on the bed. He’d changed into sweats and an oversized tee and looked very comfortable. Megumi was about to leave him to his nap when he stopped and changed course. He closed himself inside the room and quietly padded over to the bed, lying down beside Itadori.

Megumi cupped his cheek lightly and traced his thumb over the scar at the corner of his mouth. He didn’t see Itadori’s face when they slept beside each other every night; looking at how peaceful and relaxed he was… it made Megumi’s chest feel tight.

Itadori’s eyes fluttered open and his gaze locked onto Megumi’s. For a moment, they stared at each other and didn’t say a word. Megumi didn’t move his hand and Itadori didn’t jerk away from his touch.

‘Sorry I woke you,’ Megumi whispered.

‘S’okay,’ Itadori said.

Megumi withdrew his hand and laced his fingers together in his lap. Itadori shifted himself into a half sitting position beside him so they were shoulder to shoulder. Megumi focused on his breathing and how he was going to word this… confession. His stomach was in knots and his heart felt like it was in his throat.

‘Hey Fushiguro?’ Itadori said.

‘Yeah?’

‘I really liked it when you hugged me… that night,’ he said. ‘If you wanted to do that again, I wouldn’t mind.’

It was the first time Itadori had addressed that night of vulnerability and physical contact between the two. They didn’t do that. Talk about it. Act on it outside sleeping hours. They just… did what had to be done. In the moment, Megumi had offered comfort and Itadori was asking for it again.

He glanced at him before lifting his arm up in invitation. Itadori’s eyes widened slightly, and he adjusted himself so his head rested against Megumi’s chest and his arm draped over his waist. This was the most intimately they’d ever touched each other and Megumi was so close to jumping off the bed. His heart was pounding so loud and fast and he knew Itadori could hear it, but it was too late to do anything but endure it.

‘Fushiguro?’ Itadori whispered.

‘Yeah?’ he whispered back.

‘I also really liked it when… you said my name,’ he said. He didn’t look up as he spoke, but his grip on Megumi’s shirt tightened. Megumi chewed on his bottom lip. There was no misreading this right? Itadori was giving him an in. They were cuddling and friends did not cuddle like this.

‘Yuji.’

Itadori tensed for the briefest moment before he sat up again. When he met Megumi’s gaze, it felt like someone had squeezed all the air from his lungs. Itadori moved closer and reached out, his fingers gently tracing the scar under Megumi’s eye. He looked over Megumi’s face, starting at the scars over his right eye, pausing briefly at his lips before flicking back up and holding his gaze.

‘Megumi.’

Megumi didn’t remember moving; one moment he was sitting there and the next his mouth was on Itadori’s. There was a brief moment where panic crept in and he thought his advances would be rejected, but that was stamped out quickly when Itadori tightened his grip and kissed him back. He’d never kissed anyone before and yes it was a little sloppy and a bit wet but it was the best feeling he’d ever experienced and he didn’t want to stop.

Itadori moved so he was half laying on top of Megumi, barely breaking contact with the shift. Megumi’s lips parted and within seconds Itadori’s tongue was in his mouth. He grasped a handful of pink hair and couldn’t help the low moan that escaped him. Itadori paused at that and broke their kiss.

‘Fuck,’ he muttered and rested his head in the crook of Megumi’s neck.

‘What?’

He mumbled something unintelligible.

‘I can’t hear what you’re saying.’

‘I never thought of you making a noise like that and now I have so…’

Megumi’s face felt like it was on fire. How embarrassing. He turned his head to the side and Itadori immediately raised his to look at him.

‘It’s not a bad thing,’ he said, and guided Megumi’s face back to his. ‘It means you’re enjoying yourself.’

Itadori slotted their mouths together again, kissing him softly, and his hand crept up Megumi’s side and under his T-shirt. He gripped his waist and pulled Megumi against him so their bodies were pressed together. Not only was Megumi’s lower region getting harder, but he could feel the same thing happening to Itadori. He shifted and the friction caused him to let out an involuntary moan.

‘Wait, hold on,’ he breathed, breaking away.

‘What’s wrong?’ Itadori asked.

‘If you keep rubbing against me like that, I’m gonna-’ he snapped his mouth such and covered his face. He heard Itadori chuckle and shift his weight slightly.

‘I can help you take care of that,’ he whispered. Megumi peered through his fingers at him. ‘If you want.’

Megumi was still reeling from kissing Itadori, so the thought of him doing more woke up the butterflies in his stomach again. He hadn’t planned for any of this to happen today and he was beginning to feel like he was outside of his own body. Was it too much too soon? Was it greedy of him to want this from Itadori when they hadn’t even talked about what it was they were doing?

Megumi covered his eyes again. ‘I want,’ he said quietly.

Itadori’s hand brushed down his chest, stopping briefly at his exposed abdomen. His fingers lightly traced the skin before playing with the elastic of his briefs. Megumi opened his eyes and watched Itadori’s hand slip under the fabric and the first touch sent a jolt through his body.

No one but Megumi had touched himself there, so having someone else’s hand on him was overwhelming to say the least. He couldn’t stop the sounds coming from his mouth. He couldn’t control his breathing. He tried to hold back from thrusting his hips. Having Itadori pressed up against his side, kissing and mumbling into his neck while he worked Megumi over only made his resolve crumble further.

Experiencing an orgasm wasn’t a new sensation to Megumi, so he knew the signs of its approach. He felt it in his stomach and as it built, it became harder to control what fell out of his mouth.

‘F-feels so good, Yu-Yuji,’ he breathed and squeezed his eyes shut. Itadori groaned beside him and pressed his body harder against Megumi’s. ‘I think I’m gonna-’

He threw his head back at his release; his body felt feather light and relaxed, all the tension from earlier now gone. Itadori lay half on him, breathing heavy and not moving.

‘That was… you were good at that,’ Megumi said.

Itadori looked up at him and smiled. ‘I was? I just kinda did what I normally do to myself.’

That was something Megumi had not pictured before and now the image existed in his mind. He felt his cheeks heat. Should he try his own version on Itadori? It was polite to return the favour, right? This was new to him and he didn’t want to seem selfish.

‘Do you want me to…’ Megumi asked, his blush deepening.

‘Oh uh… no it’s okay…’ Itadori said and rested his head on Megumi’s shoulder.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Um… I kinda… did… already,’ he mumbled.

‘Wha…’ Megumi paused and then his eyes widened. ‘Did you…?’

Itadori pressed his reddening face further into Megumi’s shoulder. ‘You were making noises and saying my name and… it did things to me.’

‘…oh.’

Embarrassment aside, Megumi couldn’t help but feel a little flattered that just a few sounds he’d made was enough to turn Itadori on so much. He glanced down at Itadori’s pink head before landing on his lower half. He suddenly felt very sticky.

‘Uh, do you have anything I can clean up with?’ Megumi asked.

‘There are tissues in the drawer,’ Itadori said.

Megumi located them and handed some to Itadori before wiping the mess from his stomach. Itadori cleaned off his hand before getting off the bed.

‘I’m just gonna change,’ he said. ‘I’ll grab a cloth for you.’

He left the room and Megumi let out a shaky breath. Now that the dust had settled, Megumi’s mind started whirring again. That had really just happened. Him and Itadori. Shit. He quickly tucked himself back into his briefs and noticed some come staining on the bottom of his T-shirt. Scowling, he stood up and peeled it off his body and dropped it to the floor.

In his search for a shirt, he could throw on (that being a black singlet), he caught sight of himself in the mirror and stopped. Compared to a few months ago, he looked better, healthier. All those nights he’d shared a bed with Itadori had done him a world of good because he was sleeping again. He owed Itadori more than he knew.

His gaze flicked to the scars on his torso against his better judgment and he immediately felt his body tense. 

‘Okay I couldn’t find a small cloth so I got you-’

Megumi turned to find Itadori standing in the doorway with a small damp towel in his hands. His gaze locked on to Megumi’s bare chest to the singlet in his hands. On instinct, Megumi turned his body – his scars – away, but Itadori was in front of him in seconds and grabbing his arm.

‘Megumi,’ he said softly.

Megumi immediately relaxed in his grip and when Itadori let him go, he lowered his arms to his sides. Itadori looked down at his abdomen and gently wiped the towel across his skin. Megumi clenched his jaw and angled his gaze up, because he knew if he looked at Itadori the damn walls would break.

Itadori dropped the towel to the floor and lightly ran his fingers over the scar on Megumi’s front.

‘I know you don’t like these and that won’t change no matter what I say,’ he said. ‘But I need you to know that you’re more than these marks. You survived. And I am so glad you did.’

Megumi pulled Itadori into him and wrapped his arms around his neck in a tight embrace. Itadori returned it just as firmly and they stayed like that until Megumi broke away. Itadori took the singlet from his hands and went to his wardrobe.

‘Here,’ he said and handed him a t-shirt. Megumi took it and pulled it over his head before going to sit on the bed.

This was the most wanted he’d felt in a long time, but there was still and undercurrent of hesitation and confusion running through his head. His whole life, the things he desired always ended up in a bad way and so after a while, he stopped believing he deserved good things. And this turn of events felt too good to be true because he knew-

‘Hey,’ Itadori said, poking the frown between Megumi’s brows. He sat down beside him. ‘What’s on your mind?’

‘It’s just… is this really what you want?’ he asked. ‘With me?’

It was Itadori’s turn to frown. ‘I thought that was obvious,’ he said. ‘Why do you sound so unsure?’

‘But… what about girls?’ Megumi said and looked down.

‘What about them?’

‘You like them, don’t you?’

‘Yeah, but I also like you. A lot,’ Itadori said. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever stop liking you.’

Megumi met his gaze again. ‘Do you really mean that?’

‘I would never lie to you Megumi Fushiguro.’

Megumi closed the gap between them and placed a soft kiss on Itadori’s mouth. They moved slow; a light brush of tongues, a few delicate nips.

‘If liking you means I get to do that a whole lot, I’m not going anywhere,’ Itadori said against Megumi’s mouth.

Megumi chuckled. ‘Shut up.’

‘Never,’ Itadori said and tackled him onto the bed.

*

The next morning as Megumi slowly woke up, he noted how warm and cosy he felt. When he cracked open his eyes, he saw why. He’d ended up on his back, and Itadori lay against him, his arm over Megumi’s chest. Megumi stared at him in fascination. He’s still here.

Itadori’s face was half in his pillow, but close enough that Megumi could feel his breath on his cheeks. He looked very cute and Megumi couldn’t stop the smile from forming on his lips. He ran his fingers up and down Itadori’s arm and after a few minutes Itadori stirred. When he opened his eyes, he rubbed his face on his pillow and smiled.

‘Mornin’,’ he said, voice thick with sleep. At Megumi’s stare he paused. ‘What?’

‘I wasn’t expecting you to be here,’ he said.

Itadori glanced around. ‘Oh… yeah. I can leave if you-’

‘No!’ Megumi grabbed him before he could get out of the bed. He moved in closer so they were chest to chest and their legs were tangled. ‘I like it like this.’

Itadori laughed and nuzzled into Megumi’s neck. ‘Fine by me.’

Megumi carded his hand through Itadori’s hair as they enjoyed each other’s embrace.

‘Why did you always leave before I woke up?’ Megumi asked.

‘At first I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and crowd you,’ he said. ‘But then…’

He buried his face further into Megumi.

‘But then?’ Megumi prompted.

‘I… argh this is so embarrassing,’ Itadori mumbled. ‘The times I was spooning you I… I woke up… kinda… hard.’

‘WHAT?’ Megumi pushed Itadori back and looked at him. His face was the deepest shade of red he’d ever seen.

‘It made me feel like the biggest creep! You were upset and here I was getting a boner like that was totally fine.’

Megumi tried to hold it together, he really did. But it was just so unexpected that he couldn’t. He rolled onto his back and laughed, tears escaping his eyes.

‘I thought you were just a morning person,’ he said and wiped his face. When he looked back at Itadori, he was expecting some pushback but was instead met with an intense gaze. ‘What’s that look for?’

‘I’ve never heard you laugh like that, ever,’ Itadori said. ‘Caught me off guard.’

When was the last time Megumi had laughed? He couldn’t remember. Itadori being the reason for it just felt… right. He rolled onto his side again so their noses were touching.

‘I want to wake up like this every day. Don’t leave anymore, okay?’ he said.

Itadori smiled. ‘Deal.’