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His relationship with Ratio is everything Aventurine had ever wanted. Ratio is a gentle, caring lover. Sure, he may be a little snarky at times but only in good fun, never crossing any lines. The doctor knows all the little details about Aventurine: how he can't get out of bed in the morning, how he likes his coffee with cream but never sugar, how uncomfortable he feels in silence, and so on. Ratio never showers him with sweet nothings nor grand displays, yet the warmth Aventurine feels every time the doctor reminds him to dress warmer when the seasons change or the concern laced in each seemingly casual inquiry about his meals is very much real and present. Aventurine too, has picked up and committed to heart every quirk, like, and dislike of Ratio's over the years they've spent together. Words are no longer necessary for them to know what the other might want or need.
And that's why Aventurine knows he'll never be enough.
He's seen the way Ratio's gaze softens at the children playing in the playground by his apartment, heard the way he chuckles along with their melodious laughter, noticed him pausing just for a second as they walk past a display of baby clothes at the store. The doctor loves children, and Aventurine is certain, since he is an alpha, he would like to have his own. However as long as Ratio stays with him, that chance would never come. No matter how hard he tries, as a male beta, Aventurine can't bear a child.
December 31st, the last day of the year. The two of them are on the couch watching a random holiday movie that Aventurine came across while flipping channels. It's a run-of-the-mill story about a city girl going back to her hometown and falling in love with a country boy. After all the predictable twists and turns, they overcome their mundane struggles and the story ends with a flashforward of their kids running in the front yard, grinning as they wave at the camera. Aventurine's eye twitch at the scene. A family. The one thing he knows his partner wants most and the one thing he can't give him. He leans back, closing his eyes in thought. Ratio has allowed him to experience happiness he never thought he deserved, but be it good or bad, all things have an expiration date. He'd much rather end things while everything is sweet rather than wait for it to rot. Aventurine breathes out a sigh.
"Kakavasha?" A gentle, concerned call, barely above a whisper sounds from beside him.
He's made up his mind. Aventurine opens his eyes and gives Ratio a smile. The same polite smile that he uses in his business dealings. The smile that never gives away his thoughts, his feelings.
"It's almost the new year," he starts, his tone flat. "A great time to let go of the old to make room for the new."
"Right." Ratio nods. He knows that tone, that smile. Something is amiss, but the doctor doesn't know what or why.
"I think it's time you moved on, doctor." Aventurine is still smiling, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"From what exactly?" Ratio frowns.
"From me," he deadpans.
Silence fills the air between them, drowning out even the sound of the TV. After a moment of pause, Ratio reaches for Aventurine's hands. He holds them gingerly as though holding a skittish kitten.
"Is it correct to assume you're initiating a break-up?" He asks, doing his best to appear calm but the slight tremble of his hands give him away. "Please elaborate."
"There's nothing to elaborate on." Aventurine shakes Ratio's hands off nonchalantly. "I just don't think we're very compatible."
"You say that now, after all our time together?" Ratio doesn't know whether he should be confused or concerned about what he just heard.
"It's precisely because we've spent so much time together that I know we're incompatible," he laughs. The sound hollow, devoid of the addictive joy Ratio had become accustomed to. "Let's not make this more troublesome than it needs to be." He gets up, stretching languidly before grabbing the remote and turning off the TV. Aventurine acts as though the current conversation is nothing more than trivial banter. He hopes his smile is still intact despite his stomach having twisted into knots.
"A fresh start for the new year!" He claps his hands together.
Ratio stares at him, silent. A bitter taste fills his mouth.
"I'll see you around, doctor." Aventurine heads towards the hallway. "Goodbye, Veritas," he murmurs, his back facing Ratio, too afraid to look at the man that had been his partner lest his resolve crumbles. Before he's able to take another step forward, however, he's pulled back by the wrist and stumbles into a firm chest. Ratio's arms wrap around him and hold him in place.
"I don't need nor do I want a fresh start." The doctor looks at him, eyes pleading. "Talk to me."
Aventurine tries to push him away to no avail. Ratio will not budge, not until Aventurine tells him everything. They're at a standstill. Ratio hugs him tighter, burying his face into Aventurine's shoulder.
"Kakavasha, please," he pleads again and Aventurine breaks.
"I can't do it." He can feel his voice shaking. "I can't give what you want." Ratio freezes. Aventurine takes the lack of response as agreement. The corner of his eyes sting with tears.
"You should find someone else," he chokes on a sob, "one that can give you a family."
Ratio abruptly pulls away and stares at him quizzically.
"Have I ever mentioned wanting children?"
"No. But I know you do," he breathes shakily. "I want you to be happy."
The doctor's warm hand cups his face, thumb gently wiping away the falling tears. He leans into the touch
"And that's why you want to break-up?" Ratio asks gently. Aventurine nods.
"Kakavasha, I am happy," he smiles wryly. "You allowing me to be a part of your life, that makes me happy beyond comparison." His eyes are full of adoration and Aventurine can't sense any lies in his statement.
"And should we ever decide to have children, adoption is always an option."
Aventurine blinks. Ratio chuckles and presses a kiss on his forehead.
"Please don't dictate my happiness," he whispers.
This entire time Aventurine thought he was the one obstacle to Ratio's happiness when in fact the man himself had never even thought of it that way. He feels silly, stupid even. He wants to crawl into a hole and bury himself alive. He settles for burying his face into Ratio's chest. The doctor laughs. The rumbling of his chest calms Aventurine down somewhat and he can't help thinking how lucky he is to have such a patient partner.
Expiration dates be damned, he'll make this last as long as honey.