Chapter Text
Susie didn't want to believe what she saw at first. She knew what it was, but it couldn't be.
It started with a simple wrestling match between her and Kris. This was something that happened quiet often. Well, it wasn't really wrestling, Kris was just climbing on her and poking then her in the face until she pushed them off and shook them around a bit.
They said it was for enrichment, whatever that meant. She didn't mind, it was fun. So they kept doing it.
However, this time, when Susie pushed Kris off she could see their sweater ride up, revealing bruises all over there back. They all looked to be mostly healed, but still pretty angry. There were a lot of them too.
"Dude, you good?" she asked, pulling their shirt a little further up to get a better look. "Those from the dark world? Man, your armour sucks ass" she laughed.
Kris went quiet, crawling away from her and pulling their shirt down. "Not from the Dark World" they mumbled, almost inaudible, like they didn't want her to hear them.
Susie paused, "Then where are they…" she trailed off, she didn't think she wanted to know the answer to that question. It ate her up.
Suddenly Kris got up and left, mumbling something about needing the bathroom. Leaving Susie alone in their room.
Susie wasn't unused to this. Toriel said they did this a lot. She wasn't exactly sure why, but if Toriel wasn't worried about it, it mustn't be that bad. If something was wrong, Toriel would know. She sat as she waited for Kris, scrolling on her phone.
After a while when Kris hadn't come back up to their room, Susie made her way downstairs. Toriel was standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner. She smiled at Susie as she walked into the room.
"Is Kris still in the bathroom?" Susie asked, glancing towards the closed door.
Toriel nodded, "I was just about to check on them. Make sure they are not flushing anymore bath bombs down the toilet," she laughed, Susie didn't laugh back.
"I'll go check." she said, walking slowly over to the bathroom door, as if she were waiting for Toriel to stop her.
"Thank you, dear."
Susie just nodded, she knocked on the bathroom door. "Kris? Can I come in?" she called.
There was quiet for a moment. Susie heard the cabinet open then she thought she heard Kris gasp. Then, the door opened and a hand pulled her in, closing it behind them quickly.
As soon a she was in, Kris sat back on the floor. They were soaking wet, like they had gotten in the shower with all their clothes on. They looked tired, like more tired than usual. As if something had just drained all the life out of them.
"You okay, dude?" Susie asked, sitting down next to them. "You're shivering."
Kris looked up at her, nodding. They looked they they were trying and failing to stop shivering.
"At least take your sweater off," she grumbled. "You'll get sick."
Kris sighed, but pulled their sweater off. They looked away from Susie as they did so. It was only then when Susie realised that she had never seen them without their sweater. They had even been wearing it when she had first moved to Hometown in August.
Their arms were covered in scars. They all looked to be in varying stages of healing. Some of them so faint she could barley see them, some of them only just scabbed over.
Susie grabbed one of their arms. They tried to pull it away from her, but her grip remained strong. She inspected them slightly, just to make sure. Luckily, none of them looked fresh. She didn't know how she would deal with it if they were.
"Kris?" she tried.
Kris was still looking away, she didn't think she would be able to get them to say much. They didn't even bother pulling away from her again.
"Does your mom know?" She asked.
While she knew Toriel cared, and wanted to help Kris as much as she could. She also knew that Kris was very secretive most of the time and Toriel had to ask around town to see how they were doing. Kris was very good at hiding things.
Kris just shrugged in response. Did they really not know?
"Please don't tell her," they mumbled.
Susie sighed, she knew arguing with them wasn't going to do any good. It's not like she was in a place to call them out anyway. Not after what she had done to them.
"Don't tell her," Kris said again. A bit louder this time.
Susie pursed her lips, exhaling. "Okay", she said softly, "I won't." She let go of Kris' arm, not realising how tightly she had been gripping it. She hoped that didn't bruise too.
As soon as she let go of their arm, Kris got up, swiftly exiting the bathroom. She got up to follow them, but they were already up the stairs by the time she walked out of the bathroom.
Toriel was standing at the bottom of the stairs, frowning. "Did they say anything to you?" she asked.
Susie shook her head. She wished she could tell Toriel. If she told Toriel maybe she could get Kris help, but she'd already told Kris she wouldn't tell. If she did tell, it would only make Kris even more upset. She didn't want that.
Toriel sighed, "They can get like this sometimes", she explained, "Would you like me to take you home?"
"Um, my parents are out, and I don't really like being home alone." she lied, she really didn't want to be home right now, but she also didn't want to overstay her welcome. She didn't feel like she was allowed to ask to stay. Like she shouldn't be allowed to ask to stay.
Toriel nodded, "I am almost finished dinner, would you set the table for me?"
No other questions asked.
Despite only having known Kris for a week, Susie somehow already knew were pretty much everything in their kitchen was.
"Should I set a spot for Kris too?" She asked as opened the cabinets.
Toriel shook her head, "I do not think I will be able to lure them out of their room tonight, I will bring them up a plate."
Susie nodded, getting out the things she needed to set two places at the table. She didn't know exactly how she felt about eating dinner with Toriel without Kris as a buffer, but she didn't really have much of a choice in the matter.
It didn't take long for Susie to set the table for the two of them. She sat down at her spot at the table. It was weird to think she had a spot already.
"Did you have a nice day at school?" Toriel asked, setting a plate of warm food down in front of her.
Susie shrugged, she didn't remember much of what they did in class, and she wasn't about to tell Toriel that her and Kris skipped the last to periods. She knew telling her anything like that wouldn't go down very well.
There was a lot of things she didn't want to tell Toriel. If Toriel knew even a slither of the things she had done to Kris, she would never even look at her again.
Yet here she was, letting Susie be in her house like she was one of her own. Feeding her warm dinner, giving her a place to sleep. No questions asked.
What has she done to deserve it?
"Are you okay, Susie?" Toriel asked, sounding concerned.
Susie looked up, "Yeah, long week", she mumbled.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Toriel prompted.
Susie shook her head, going back to her food. Luckily Toriel accepted this answer.
They both ate the rest of their meals in silence. Toriel must have picked up on the fact Susie wasn't really in a conversation mood.
"Would you like me to wash the dishes?" Susie asked once she was finished eating, it was the least she could do after everything.
Toriel's face lit up, "That would be lovely, thank you, Susie."
She was being so kind to her. Why was she being so kind? She didn't deserve this.
Susie nodded, gathering up the plates and walking towards the sink.
"I am going to check on Kris now," Toriel told her. "You can watch some TV after you finish washing up if you want." She suggested.
Toriel didn't give her time to respond before she made her way upstairs. Leaving Susie alone with her thoughts.
Susie looked towards the the living room. Since the Dreemurrs had gotten rid of Tenna, he had been replaced with a small flat screen. It seemed to be getting more used then Tenna had in his later years, but it didn't have nearly as much character.
Susie sighed, and began filling up the sink. She couldn't understand what Toriel saw in her, why Toriel trusted her so much. From that day on Gerson's bench, it was like she just wanted to protect her. Even after everything she had done, things that Toriel would never know.
That day on the bench had been just after she had tormented Kris too. She had said horrible things to Kris, things she could never forgive herself for.
She had hurt Kris that day, not just mentally either. At times she had hurt them enough to cause bruises all over their back. Sometimes she forgot just how fragile that human skin could be. Even a friendly shove could leave them sore the next day sometimes.
Maybe from now on she needed to be more gentle with them.
She tried to snap herself out of her thoughts. Focusing her brain on getting the dishes done. What was she doing? No amount of help she gave the Dreemurr family could ever erase what she had done to Kris.
Not even Ralsei would want to be friends with her if he knew, and he thought so highly of her. What would he do if he found out that the version of her he knew was nothing but a lie and a cover up?
Even Noelle would look at her with disgust if she found out what she had done.
Or did Noelle know already? Was she just pretending to like her for Kris' sake? Was everything they had done at the study session together a lie?
She was snapped out of her thoughts when Toriel came back down the stairs. " Are you alright, Susie?" She asked.
Susie nodded, trying to shake off her feeling of dead, "Yeah, Kris okay?" She asked.
Toriel sighed, "They are having one of their days, but that is not my business to share with you. I am sure they will tell you when they are ready."
"Do they want me to sleep down here?" she asked, not wanting to invade their personal space.
"They said you can go up if you want, just give them a moment," Toriel murmured, taking the dish Susie had been washing out of her hand, "I will finish this up. You go it sit down, Susie."
"Thank you, Ms Toriel," Susie stammered, backing away from the sink and walking over to the living room.
It felt so awkward to be down here without Kris. She didn't feel like she was allowed to enjoy being in this house.
She flicked through the channels on the TV aimlessly. There were a few things that she probably wouldn't have minded watching, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything right now. Not in this house.
Toriel joined her after a while, sitting on her chair, "Are you alright, honey?" She asked, "You and Kris did not have a fight, did you?" She asked.
Susie nodded, then shook her head. She hoped Toriel would understand which motion was answering which question. "I just wanted to give Kris space," she muttered.
"Do not worry too hard about this," Toriel said, smiling. "Sometimes Kris just gets like this, I think they will be happy to see you."
Susie stood up, she was about to leave the room when she turned around to look at Toriel, "Are you and Kris going to church tomorrow?" she asked.
Toriel looked towards her, "We will be, but if you do not want to I can drop you home on out way," she suggested, "Kris told me you do not practice the same religion as us. I am sorry if you felt forced into anything."
Susie shifted uncomfortably. Had Kris really gone to the effort of telling Toriel that for her? It wasn't even as though that was the case. They were right in saying she didn't follow the prophecy, but if she was honest with herself she didn't know what she did follow. She had been moved around too many times for that.
"I was actually going to ask if I could go with you," she said. "I, um, I don't actually really practice at all but…I don't know," She trailed off, she didn't know exactly what to say. It's not that she wanted to go to church, she couldn't exactly say she enjoyed it. She didn't want to lie to Toriel. It just felt like something she should do. The least she could do for Kris' family.
Toriel looked a bit taken aback but she smiled, "Of course you can, Susie. You are always welcome with us. I will wake you two up in the morning."
Susie smiled and turned to walk up the stairs. She didn't know what she had just gotten herself into.
When she got up to Kris' bedroom, she went quiet. There Kris was, laying on their bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Their arms spread of either side of them.
"Hey, dude," she greeted, sitting down on Asriel's bed.
Kris grunted in response, sitting up to face her.
"You good? Y'know, after this evening?" she checked
Kris shrugged, they really weren't giving her much to work with here. Not that she could blame them. She wouldn't blame them for never talking to her again, if that was what they wanted.
"I'm, uh. I'm going to church with you guys tomorrow. By the way," she told them. "If that's okay with you."
Kris smiled, "Mom would like that", they mumbled.
Susie sighed, "You wanna hit up the dark world after church?" she asked, trying to find some point of conversation. "I miss Ralsei when we don't go to school."
Kris nodded, but didn't say anything else.
Silence hung over the two of them for a while.
Susie glanced at Kris' arms. They were now covered by their sweater again.
"You know before, in the bathroom?" she asked before she could stop herself.
Kris clung to the sleeves of their sweater and clenched their mouth. Despite their clear discomfort, they nodded.
"Were…were any of those, because of me?" she asked next.
They looked up at her. She couldn't get a good read on their expression. She could only just make out one of their eyes from under their bangs.
"I'm going to bed," they mumbled, "G'night." They turned off the lamp, leaving the only light in the room to be from the glowing stars.
Susie stared as she watched their shadow lay down and crawl underneath the covers. It wasn't long before they started snoring softly.
She sighed, deciding she may as well go to bed herself. Not like she could do much without Kris. Pulling the sheets of Asriel's bed back, she lay down and went under the covers.
It felt weird looking at Kris' room from this side. She didn't know how she felt about their side being pretty much empty.
She rolled onto her back, staring the the roof. It would be better for her if she didn't look around the room.
After a while there was a soft knock on the door. She sat up slightly to see Toriel crack it open a bit.
Toriel smiled upon seeing the two of them both in bed. Her gaze looked towards Kris' who was sleeping peacefully before turning back to Susie.
"I just came up to tell you two it was getting late," she explained quietly, careful not to wake Kris up, "But I see you are both already in bed."
She chuckled softly. Susie didn't say anything.
"Goodnight, Susie", she said softly. "I will be just next door if you need me."
Susie nodded, laying her bed back on the pillow. She didn't trust herself to respond quiet enough to not wake Kris up.
Luckily, Toriel seemed to understand this. She simply smiled and Susie again and softly closed the door.
Once alone again, Susie turned her head to look at Kris. They looked so peaceful sleeping like that. She hated the fact she had ever tried to disturb their peace.
Perhaps even disturbing it enough to force them to bring a knife to their wrist.
What had they done to deserve it?
Nobody deserved the bruises on their back she gave them. Or all the words she said to them. Yet they spent the past six months keeping their head down and just taking what she gave them.
Now Susie was sleeping in their house. Not just in their house, but in their room. In their brother's bed. Her belly was full of a meal their mother made. The mother she had told them would forget them if they disappeared. The mother she told them wouldn't miss them if they were gone.
What had she done to deserve any of this? All she had ever done was be horrible to them and they just let her into their home like this?
She wondered what Toriel would do if she found out what she had done. Toriel was the only adult that was ever nice to her. She didn't think she could bear the hatred that she would face if Toriel ever found out.
She wondered how many bruises Kris had had to hide. When the last time they had worn short sleeves in front of their mother had been.
Did she really cause all that pain? It made her feel sick to think about.
Why did she even do it? It had become such a part of her routine for the past six months she almost forgot why it started.
She had been angry. Was she angry at Kris? Was being angry all she was good for?
She remembered her first time seeing them. Watching as Toriel held their hand as she walked them into school, hugging them before they parted ways. How they didn't reciprocate either of these touches. How at lunch time they had pulled out a lunch box full of food. How they didn't eat any of it.
How her own stomach had growled that day.
She remembered how Kris had everything she wanted, yet didn't appreciate any of it. They had the life she could have had, the one she wanted, but they took it for granted.
The past week she had learnt that Kris' life wasn't as simple as she had once thought. They had just grown used to hiding all the pain they went through. Susie had only added to it.
She rolled over in bed to face the wall, turning her back to the rest of the room. She tried to block out her thoughts so she could sleep.
Her mind just kept replaying everything she had said and done to Kris in the past six months. Every time she threatened and taunted them, every time she pushed and shoved them, all the lunches she had stolen, every bruise she had given them.
She wished that she could take it all back. They had done nothing to deserve any of it. Being too quiet wasn't a crime.
Sighing, she rolled onto her back. Gazing at the glow in the dark stars Kris' brother had put up.
She looked around the rest of the room. The room she didn't deserve to be in right now.