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Rose has been getting daily updates from Shane regarding his doomed love life (his words, not her’s) a few weeks in after he came out to her. At first it has only been a short few strings of texts, such as:
Shane Hollander (ex #7): I saw him again today. I feel like doing something crazy.
or,
Shane Hollander (ex #7): How do you tell someone you miss them but very, very, very vaguely?
or,
Shane Hollander (ex #7): Got bruises today and it wasn’t because of hockey. Hehe :)
or,
Shane Hollander (ex #7): Listened to This Song by Conan Gray. Thought of him immediately and my heart hurts. Should I just tell him the truth?
Then a few minutes later:
Shane Hollander (ex #7): Bad idea, I think. Nevermind.
For someone as quiet and reserved as Shane, Rose never expected him to be a chain texter. She learns soon enough that once you get past the first layer of Shane Hollander, he never stops talking (or texting, especially when miles stand between them).
Her decision to confront Shane about his possible sexuality dilemma wasn’t done without much thought. In fact, it was the little moments where she would notice he had been staring at Miles for a few seconds too long. Or where Shane’s eyes would immediately fall onto her manager instead of her group of very attractive and very interested in him model friends.
She’s dated too many to not see the pattern.
After that night where they decided to be friends, Shane never stops spilling out his thoughts.
Shane Hollander (ex #7): How do I convince this guy that I’m seeing that it’s totally super fucking okay to leave marks on me bc Rose Landry has taught me how to hide them using concealer?
That was the first ever text message that Shane had sent her after he came out to her.
He never mentions any names, just vague and cryptic description of what seems to be just one guy that he’s seeing. She never pushes any further, happy with the very little amount of details about this supposedly unrequited love story Shane is comfortably sharing with her. Whomever it is, Shane must have a good reason to not tell her.
She has a few ideas. Maybe it’s another closeted teammate or a childhood friend. It could also be literally anyone Shane met in clubs or press conferences or gala dinners. It could be a big celebrity. Shane is protecting them and Rose respects that.
Then, Shane asks to meet up right after she finishes her shoot and he’s about to go to Tampa for the All-Star game. Over the phone call, Shane sounds a little drunk, and the shakiness of his voice and slurred words alerts Rose. Heart emergency, he’d said. They agreed to meet in Shane’s hotel since they’re both still practically in the same state. It’s a one hour drive for Rose, but she’d promised Shane that they would be best friends. This is what best friends do.
“You’re not rooming with Hayden this time?” Rose asks after closing the door behind her. She looks around the room and notices that there are almost five cans of beer scattered around the room. Jesus. To think that Shane barely even touches his drink when they went out.
Shane is getting them both drinks–ginger ale and bottled water–when he answers, voice muffled by the separator between the living room and a small kitchen. “No. We all got our own rooms this season.”
“Damn, getting that senior hockey treatment, huh?” Rose laughs and walks towards Shane. “I’m so jealous that you got a bar. My hotel room for this movie sucked.”
“Well, maybe we should stay boyfriend-and-girlfriend longer so I have an excuse to bring you here with me.” He hands Rose her bottled water after opening the cap for her.
“And having to drive one hour back and forth to my set?” Rose giggles and sits on one of the barstool. “Very tempting, but I’m going to refuse. You’re not that hot, Shane Hollander.”
Shane laughs with her. “Not what you said five weeks ago.”
“Shut up. I just wanted to add secretly gay hockey player to my already long list of gay ex boyfriends.” She says, obviously joking. “Bet I was a good PR for you, too.”
“You were, actually. Got an extra twenty thousand followers after that article of us was published.” Shane says. “Did you reach five-mil after dating me? You had, like, four point eight mil before, right? I gave you more impact.”
“You asshole! I’m obviously more famous than you.”
They joke around for a while until she remembers why she came here. “So, what made you drink like you just went through a divorce?”
Shane is silent for a while, clearly forgetting that he summoned Rose this late at night for a reason. “I just… wanted to vent, I guess.”
“Boy problems?” Rose asks.
Shane nods. “You know that guy I’ve been seeing? Well, I sort of… broke it off with him a few weeks before I, uh, started seeing you.”
Rose mock-gasps. “So I was your rebound?! Being someone’s beard is a Tuesday for me, but a rebound? You bitch!”
Her response draws a laugh out of Shane. “No, I was genuinely attracted, or, uh, at least intrigued by you when we first met, I swear! But I guess when you put it like that…”
Rose isn’t offended at all, it’s kind of funny and explains so much more to why Shane acted the way he did when they were together. “So now you’re telling me that even after getting me as your rebound, you still miss him?”
Shane purses his lips and takes a big gulp of his beloved ginger ale. Weird thing to drink after consuming alcohol, but this is Shane, afterall. She watches his fingers fiddle with the ends of his hoodie rope and waits.
“I always miss him.” He starts, then realizes that could mean even when they were together, too, and waves his hands frantically at her. “Not when I was with you, obviously–”
“Liar.”
“No, I really, really liked you, you know I did.”
“But it was different with him, huh?” Rose asks, taking a sip from her freezing water bottle. Jesus, how long did Shane put this in the hotel fridge for? “How long have you guys been seeing each other, anyways?”
“A while.” Shane shrugs, his voice lowering as he avoids eye contact with her.
“Like, a few months a while, or?”
“More like six years a while.”
That stuns Rose into silence. Six fucking years–an absurd amount of time. She can’t even fathom seeing someone being in an on and off relationship for that long without either walking away for good or demanding a ring. Which means Shane has likely been swallowing this feeling, this secret, carrying it alone, for nearly a decade.
“And why the fuck haven’t you two decide what to do with this crazy situationship?” Rose asks. “Jesus, Shane. That’s a long fucking time.”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Yeah, no shit.” She can’t help but scoff. “And have you been seeing anyone else other than him during those years?”
Shane shakes his head. Jesus. “Just you.”
And it didn’t even last a month.
“Do you see him often?” Rose asks.
“I… yeah, I guess you could say that. But we don’t get that many chance to actually see each other. I mean, as in, like, hooking up and stuff.”
“If I may ask,” Rose starts slowly. “has it been going on for this long because he’s a piece of shit or because it’s risky if you guys get together and it gets out?”
Shane seems to think for an answer for a while. “Both, I guess. It’s not like he’s a terrible person and he treats me like shit, anyway. I don’t want to risk my career–or his, especially his–for something that we’re both not too certain about. There are no out hockey players out here, Rose. I don’t know what’ll happen to me, to us.”
And then it clicks for Rose. The man Shane has been seeing is definitely someone in the hockey industry. Be it a player, a coach, hell, maybe someone from the NHL administration. Rose nods in acknowledgement.
“You wouldn’t be feeling like this if you weren’t sure about how you feel, Shane.” She says, already making her way towards her newly found best friend. He’s way taller than her, so she has to raise her hand up to grip him by the shoulders. “And it’s totally okay if you don’t want to tell me who it is, but with the way you’re texting me about him… you’re a goner for him.”
Shane is quiet this time, not meeting Rose’s concerned eyes. She can see that there are now tears pooling at his eyes, the same reaction she got when she asked him if she’d rather be kissing Miles instead of her. Her heart breaks for him, imagining the internal storm Shane must be having every time he thinks about the possibility of just being with someone he loves.
Rose is immensely hit with the realization of how easy it has always been for her to just… show her love for the people she’s seeing. It’s not fair, but she knows all too well about how disgustingly old-fashioned and homophobic the sports industry, hockey included.
“I really, really like him, Rose.” Shane tells her then. “I really like him so much to the point that I don’t want anybody else. I’m sure of that.”
Rose smiles. It doesn’t hurt when she thinks that Shane doesn’t feel that way about her. In fact, she’s wants it so badly for things to work out for them. “Oh, Shane. I know, baby. I’m sorry that you had to bottle this up for so long.”
And then she couldn’t help but make sure one thing, “Do you know how he feels about you?”
“We never really talk about it. When we meet, we mostly just, uh, you know, do stuff. But we don’t talk about it, avoid it like a plague, more like. He’s quite reserved, even more than me. Especially when it comes to serious stuff like our situation or his family.”
Rose feels sorry for the both of them, even if she doesn’t know who the counterpart is.
Well, that is until Shane continues with, “And as far as I know, he’s still seeing other people, too. Women, I think. He’s bisexual.”
Something similar to anger fills up her body. “So he’s an asshole.”
Shane shakes his head immediately. “No, no. I sort of get him–”
“Well, I don’t know him at all, and I already don’t like that while you’re busy hurting like this,” she waves her hand to emphasize the situation. “he’s out there seeing other people. Jesus, Shane.”
“It’s understandable, though, Rose. He can’t be seen with me and we only meet, like, four or five times a year. I’m sure he has needs–”
“And has he discussed this with you?” Rose cuts him off. “Have you two even at least talked about this being casual and that you can see other people? Because this kind of thing has to be a two-way agreement, Shane. Otherwise you’re just hurting yourself.”
Rose can see the way Shane is internalizing her words, can see the way he’s denying himself of the truth. “I’ve tried, Rose. I really have tried. With you, with this gym trainer I met last year, but they both failed. Miserably. You experienced it firsthand.”
Rose sighs. Over the past few weeks of getting to know Shane, she’s learned one thing for sure: he’s stubborn. Even when it comes to protecting his own heart.
“So, what the hell are we going to do about this situation, then?” Rose asks, moving back to her seat.
“Wait it out, I guess.” Shane shrugs. “Please don’t get tired of me talking about him.”
“Only because you’re my best friend.” Rose raises a finger at him. “But do not expect me to like him.”
Rose might not know who this man is, but she doesn’t like him. Fuck what Shane thinks of her. She’s already very protective of Shane like that.
Rose discovers that the man is called Lily on Shane’s phone.
She doesn’t make the connection until weeks later.
Shane invited her to watch his game against Boston. She’s buzzing with excitement as she takes her seat in the VIP box, obviously with Miles on her side. Shane is really going all out tonight, showing everyone that this is what a real hockey game looks like. She feels pride filling up her chest as she watches Shane dodge every blocks coming his way, past Marleau, then shoots the puck straight to the net.
The scream she lets out is deafening. All the Montreal players rushes their way into Shane’s direction, bumping their helmets against his, even kissing his head multiple times. They’re definitely winning this game.
The euphoria doesn’t last long.
Right after the goal, Shane tries to repeat his tactics, though he’s changing the direction of his movements a little bit. He’s going for that hat trick, obviously. For some unknown reason, Shane looks back, probably looking for his teammate to pass his puck. And then it happens so quick, Marleau, the biggest man on center ice right now, slams into Shane so hard that it sends him flying back.
Rose stands frozen in her spot, gripping Miles’ hand as so hard he winces. “Shane…”
She could only watch as everyone moves to make way for the paramedics, some going back to their respective benches.
All except for Ilya Rozanov, who is still standing right beside Shane’s rigid and unmoving body, staring at him with so much worry in his eyes it feels like Shane is his captain, instead of his archrival.
She doesn’t think as she drags Miles out the VIP box, making their way down through the emergency stairs instead of the elevator. She finds Shane as they’re about to load him onto the ambulance. Tears well up her eyes when she sees that his face is bruised all over. “Shane, oh my God, Shane…”
“Hmmh, Rose?” Shane squints his eyes, a movement that must have hurt him he quickly closes them again. “Wha’ happened?”
“Sweetheart, shh, you’re okay.” Rose doesn’t want to make him panic. “We’re going to take you to the hospital.”
Shane makes a groaning noise as they prepare to lift him into the ambulance. She hears the paramedics tell her that she cannot ride with them, just as Shane murmurs slugishly, almost too soft for her to catch, “Tell him I’m fine. He’s gonna worry, Rose.”
“I don’t have your phone, Shane. It’s probably still in your locker room. I’ll tell him as soon as I can, alright?”
“No, no, Rose. He’s still inside. I need him to know that I’m–argh!” Rose’s heart breaks when Shane makes that pained sound again. Not waiting for her, the ambulance door closes and rushes out of the basement.
She follows behind immediately after.
When the doctor announces that Shane is only suffering non-career ending injuries and bruises, Rose lets out a big breath of relief. She’s sitting in the VIP waiting room with Shane’s parents and Miles, who still sticks around. They take turns in visiting Shane in the room, not wanting to overwhelm him when he just went through two hours of inspection and CT scan.
Apparently, Yuna and David Hollander thinks that she and Shane are still dating. She doesn’t bother to correct them. In fact, they all seem too eager to let Rose spend some more time with Shane.
Shane’s parents went in first, obviously, then Miles went in for only a few minutes, and finally Rose. She didn’t want to go with Miles because she was afraid of what drug-induced Shane would say in front of Miles.
When she walks into the room, Shane is closing his eyes peacefully. Whatever they sedated him with, it’s clearly making him relaxed and reduces his pain a lot.
“Hey, there, handsome.” She greets him. Shane smiles when their eyes meet, this time he’s able to fully open his eyes. She winces when she sees that his bruise are worsening, painting his whole face pink and purple.
“Roseeeeeeee,” he calls out to her. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry.” She assures him. “I’m going to fucking kill Marleau for doing this to you.”
Shane giggles. “Don’t worry, I’m sure that someone else already did that for me.”
“And is this someone Hayden Pike?” She asks, amused at Shane’s fond expression. “He nearly punched Marleau in the face the second you were hit.”
“Ah, Hayden. Has anyone told him that I’m fine? He’s definitely gonna go into a spiral if he doesn’t know that I’m alive and okay.” Shane says, which raises Rose’s eyebrows.
Shane told her a while ago that the person that needs to be updated on his condition, obviously Lily, was still inside. Hayden was still inside the building when they left to the hospital.
Jesus. Could Lily be Hayden Pike?
But he’s married with a dozen of children.
Shane wouldn’t do that. Right?
“Shane, I’m going to ask you something that might be uncomfortable and a little personal, but I’m going to lose my mind if you don’t answer me.”
Shane furrows his eyebrows. “Okay.”
“Is the guy you’ve been telling me about…” She pauses, not sure if she should keep going. “Hayden Pike?”
The silence Shane gives her is scaring her. No, she knows Shane isn’t the type of guy to hook up with someone who’s married. The past signs Shane gives him aren’t really pointing to that direction as well.
She remembers Shane telling her that he only gets together with the man a few times a year. So, it can’t be Hayden Pike, can it? They always room together.
But that also doesn’t… lower the chance. In fact, the statistics of it almost makes sense to her until Shane laughs.
Really laughs.
“What the fuck?” Shane says after his laughter dies down and he’s clutching his hurt shoulder, obviously feeling a jolt of pain after laughing so hard. “Jesus, no, Rose. He’s my friend and he’s married. Why did you even think that?”
“I don’t know! The only thing you told me as they drag you into the ambulance was to make sure he knows you’re okay!” She says. “And then you told me Hayden would be worried sick about this. What was I supposed to think?!”
Shane tilts his head as if thinking. “I really said that? I don’t remember anything after that hit. Did anyone else hear you?”
“No, Shane. You only whispered it to me.” Rose says softly.
“Do you think he’ll visit me here?” Shane asks, and he sounds so sad it hurts her. “I don’t even know if he knows where I am being hospitalized.”
“I know nothing about this guy, Shane.” Rose tells him. “I really don’t know the statistics of that.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I wish I could tell you who he is, but I can’t do that to him.”
Telling Rose means outing him. She understands the kind gesture, but it makes her want to tear her hair out in frustration. The fact that only Rose and Miles that darted out of the building, trailing after Shane, makes her so angry. A rational part of her mind tells her that it was probably because, despite the insane hit Shane took, the game still continued on. But still. She doesn’t even know if that guy is even another player. So, she hates the guy.
She hates Lily.
Rose updates Shane about Montreal winning and that the rest of the team will probably visit him immediate after leaving the venue. She promises that she’ll come back tomorrow to see how Shane is doing. His parents also decided to leave Shane to rest and collects all his things. They’ll return tomorrow afternoon.
After kissing Shane on the forehead, she leaves with Miles.
When Rose sees Shane the next morning, he’s looking so much better. The bruise is finally forming an ugly shade of purple, but it just makes Shane look softer. If anyone were to see Shane right now, they’d think that the waves of emotions from his teammates visiting him last night is still wearing down on him. Only Rose can see the tad disappointment on his expression when she walks in.
He wanted it to be someone else.
Lily still hasn’t visited him, then.
What a fucking asshole.
Rose puts down the cupcake she bought for him and sits beside his bed. “How are you felling, babe?”
Shane smiles. “Somewhat better. They gave me more morphine.”
“Ugh, you must be high as hell right now.” Rose says. “I got you cupcakes.”
“Thank you, Rose.” He grins. “So, they’re letting me go soon. I think I might go to my cottage with my parents during my recovery.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea.” Rose tells him. “Your parents still think we’re dating, by the way.”
“And I have no intention of letting them think otherwise.” Shane jokes. “You’re stuck being my beard forever, Rose Landry.”
Rose laughs with her, despite feeling a little bit of sadness that Shane needs to hide like this. She knows enough that Shane hates lying. “What a fucking honor, huh?”
“They’re not letting me have any screen time. I still haven’t texted Lily.”
Shane’s phone is just right there, charging next to his bed. “I could text him for you, if you want.”
Shane shakes his head. “No, I archive his text before the game last night. Now that I’m not allowed to check my phone, my parents might see them.”
“I can just archive it later–”
“No, it’s alright, Rose. I’m sure he’s seen the news already.” Shane tells her. “You know, I was supposed to go to his place after the game.”
Rose hates the fact that Shane is so completely gone for this Lily guy and he doesn’t even bother showing up, or, God forbid, call him. Calling is allowed. Calling doesn’t equal to screen time.
“I was gonna ask him to come to the cottage with me.” Shane admits. Rose wants to burn this whole hospital down. “Obviously after I’m all healed, so that my parents won’t bother us. I already had an excuse planned to be left alone and tell them that I’m gonna have a silent retreat for two weeks.”
See, the thing about Shane is that he plans. He plans for everything down to the meticulous details. Lily doesn’t even deserve a chance to be the pilar of it all.
God, Rose hates Lily so fucking much.
She says none of this outloud, of course.
“Summer is still a few weeks away, Shane.” Rose tells him instead. “As much as I dislike this Lily guy, I’m sure another chance to ask him will come again.”
Shane smiles so wide at that, hope filling up his eyes and Rose once again feels the urgent need to punch Lily in the face.
Rose leaves shortly after, telling him that she has a flight later in the afternoon. She hates leaving Shane like this, but she has to return to her set the day after. She promises to always call and maybe sneak in a visit or two, if her schedule allows her.
Being as famous as she is, especially after the release of the second X Squad movie, she’s not surprised to have some fans stop her for some pictures. They all know that she’s here to see Shane Hollander, making her realize that in the public eye, they are still a couple. They all wish Shane to have a speedy recovery, and it warms her heart to know that so many people care about him.
She’s playing with her phone as she waits for her driver to pick her up in the VIP lobby, ones reserved for celebrities and/or important government officials. She almost misses the familiar figure in front of him, trying to get inside.
The figure is dressed in all black; tight jeans, black t-shirt, overlaid by a black leather jacket. It takes her a second to realize that the man climbing up the stairs to enter the hospital is Ilya Rozanov. Who is alone.
He doesn’t seem to notice her at first, his glasses covered eyes glued to his phone screen.
Rose doesn’t think that Ilya was injured last night, so he has no business in being here other than the fact that he’s most likely here to pay Shane a visit.
The first thought that crosses her mind was respect. Even Ilya Rozanov takes the time of his day to visit Shane. So much for this Lily guy.
She decides to greet him first. “Oh, hey, Rozanov.”
Rozanov looks up and meets Rose’s eyes. She can’t see his eyes through the glasses, but she sees the slight surprise on his face before going back to his usual scowl and gives her a curt nod. “Rose Landry.”
The way he says her name makes her tilt her head a little bit. It’s not the deep and accented voice that gets her, she already knew this fact about him. To her ears, it sounded a bit… sour? Which makes zero sense because they literally don’t know each other. She shared a space with him exactly one time, at the club a few months back. They didn’t greet each other then.
“Are you here to visit Shane?” Rose asks, because she needs to know.
Rozanov, who clearly doesn’t expect for her to strike a conversation with him, turns around slightly. “Uh, yes.”
“That’s very nice of you.” It’s only then that she realizes the mutual respect between them runs deeper than the rivalry the media loves to sell. Not that Shane has mentioned Rozanov a lot, but she knows he doesn’t feel any hatred towards the Raiders captain the way the media likes to say. “He’s doing better now, but you better tell that Marleau needs to watch his back because I’ll come for him.”
Rozanov does that face again and scoffs. “No need for that. I recommended to coach to bench him for the the next two games. Should be enough punishment, yes?”
Rose is about to respond with how great Rozanov’s sportsmanship is, despite Marleau probably didn’t even do it on purpose, but he beats her to it. “Did you stay the night here?”
If it isn’t for the same flat tone way he asked the question, she’d think Rozanov was hitting on her. “Uh, no, I tailed the ambulance and accompanied him last night and visited again this morning. Why?”
He nods again, as if satisfied by hearing her answer. “Nothing. I’m going to go in now. Thank you for taking him here.”
Rozanov walks inside without so much as a goodbye. What a weird interaction.
Though, she has to give Rozanov his respect for reprimanding Marleau the way he did. She understands hockey enough to know that it’s pretty unusual for a captain to punish his fellow teammate for causing an injury to the opposite team, especially knowing that Marleau is one of the key players for Boston. It’s nice to know that Rozanov respects Shane so much that he would bench Boston’s best player in his honor–
Then she stops in her tracks and remembers.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that someone else already did that for me.”
Shane said that to her last night.
Rozanov benched Marleau for hitting Shane so hard he needed to be hospitalized.
Then she also remembers;
“Tell him I’m fine. He’s gonna worry, Rose. No, no, Rose. He’s still inside.”
Rozanov was still on the ice when Shane got into the ambulance.
Rozanov stood by Shane’s fallen body the whole time. He didn’t move, didn’t care that the ref was pushing him back towards the bench, even threatening to sit Rozanov down for the next game. He looked so worried and stayed right where he was until the paramedics dragged Shane away.
“I don’t want to risk my career–or his, especially his–for something that we’re both not too certain about. There are no out hockey players out here, Rose.”
Rose scoffs in disbelief then, letting out a bitter laugh. It makes so much fucking sense why Shane was so protective and secretive about this Lily guy. How could he not when they are both fucking captains of the most influential hockey fucking team in the whole world, with literal centuries of rivalry history bearing down on them. It’s all painfully obvious to her now, little moments she failed to pick up months before.
The memory of them in the club hits her first. Shane was actually having fun when they met that night, despite barely winning the game. She couldn’t pinpoin to where it all went downhill from there, especially when they spent the night together. She sensed that he wasn’t feeling it, but he still tried to make her feel good.
She remembers now that she saw a glimpse of the Raiders team in the VIP corner, with many beautiful women all around them. She remembers Rozanov too, exactly as Miles had described him in her ears, on the dance floor just a few people away from them, wrapped around a beautiful blonde who looked more than happy to be there, just moments before Shane made a beeline into the bathroom.
Fuck. Fuck!
Rose also recalls that after the All-Star game in Tampa, Shane seemed to be in a constant good mood. He had been playing alongside Rozanov for the first time ever. She remembers seeing the gifs and clips of Rozanov and Shane smiling from ear to ear, with the Raiders captain giving her best friend a big smooch on his helmet.
And the most baffling of all;
Lily.
L(ily).
Ilya.
Lily is Ilya fucking Rozanov.
Rose laughs despite feeling like she’s been punched in the gut. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
She wants nothing more than to march upstairs back to Shane’s room and slap Ilya Rozanov for making Shane go through hell.
She texts Shane instead:
If Rozanov does anything that makes you even a little sad or gloomy, I swear to God, Shane.
Then after a moment’s thought, she adds:
And if he doesn’t agree to go to the cottage with you, I’m personally filing his obituary.