Chapter Text
"We're not dating!" Stiles protests. He sees his Dad's Judgy Eyebrows of Doom which, unfair, Stiles is the one who has the right to do the Judgy Eyebrows because c'mon! Him and Derek???
"No really we're just friends!" Stiles feels his confidence increasing at Derek's nod, that guy looks just as confused as he is. "Me and Scott do it too! Besides two guys can totally be bros it's all that toxic masculinity that says we can't be close without dating Dad. Yeah sure we go for movies and hang out afterwards we drive through town coz Derek broods way too much we go to the mart for groceries coz have you seen his kitchen?? It's worse than yours when I'm away Dad and anyway we don't really do anything I make food he eats it but not without complaining he never believes me when I say peanut butter is good for health even werewolves we talk about pack we have this standing dinner on Saturdays for pack matters for the monster of the week because Beacon Hills is insane and ohmygod we're dating."
Stiles turns to Derek without skipping a beat {losing breath and ramble becoming horrified in the end} and Jesus how did he not notice before? To see Derek staring back at him with the same mix of horror and disbelief that Stiles is pretty sure he's projecting and jfc they both are idiots. Derek seems to reach the same conclusion and is paling making as though to step back when there's a loud clearing of throat in front of them and shit they'd forgotten about Dad they jump. Derek seems to be on the verge of dropping their snacks and running and by God if he drops the popcorn Stiles had to shell out twenty bucks for Stiles will kill him. Derek sees his glare and swallows, standing his ground. Stiles narrows his eyes and Derek uncomfortably steps up, because no way in hell he's dealing with his father alone and Derek knows it, his eyebrows twitch in begrudging agreement and Stiles knows he won't leave halfway through like the creeper wolf he is. Derek glares at Stiles as though he could read his mind and Stiles wrinkles his nose it was his fault for not hearing Dad coming they could've skipped this entire thing! Derek huffs and shifts his snacks sheepishly.
Dad looks amused as hell when they finish their silent argument and face forward again and how did they not notice this before???
Because even him and Scott don't have this kind of silent communication the last couple (oh my god he's accepted they're a couple hasn't he oh my god-) he'd seen this in tune were his parents when his mom was still alive and isn't that a punch in the gut? Derek presses close a line of warmth even through that ridiculous jacket. Stiles exhales and presses back to reassure-thank him, Derek was always good at getting him out of his head and so was Stiles vice versa. By God they really were oblivious weren't they. Derek snorts in amused agreement when Stiles catches his eyes.
"If you both are quite done?" Dad cuts in wryly. Stiles face feels hot, he knows without looking Derek has that manpain look he gets when he's embarrassed. Derek stamps on his foot.
"Yeah uh definitely we're definitely done I mean we're peachy keen we are totally dating not like we didn't know or anything-" Stiles wheezes at the elbow to his gut. "We apologize for not telling you Sheriff. We assure you we weren't trying to hide anything from you." Derek says firmly. He glares at Stiles warningly, to stop putting his foot in his mouth again and let him for the talking.
"Well, I certainly didn't expect to be informing my son he's dating someone than the other way around." His dad says dryly. Stiles chances a look at him from where he's hunched over to catch his breath, and is indignant to see that twinkle in his eyes that signals relentless teasing is there in his future. Stiles opens his mouth to protest they had perfectly valid reasons to not realize it till now (they definitely didn't) and subsides when Derek glares at him.
"That's something you don't see everyday." His dad says musingly. Stiles sulks.
"Don't worry Sheriff I'll take care of him." Derek says, voice low and serious, sincere in a way that always makes Stiles' skin prickle and heart feeling full (fuck Stiles is in love with him isn't he).
"Trust me kid I know. He's now your problem now." Dad is smug. Stiles pouts he's still on verbal timeout that he can't break without Derek being pissy for days and jesus they're practically married aren't they shit Stiles is too young to get married he's not even drinking age! Derek senses his rising panic and shoves the snacks into his hands to distract him from his impending freak out. "We'll sort things out." Derek says. His look very clearly conveys we're talking this out with each other or else.
Stiles slumps. "Yes dear." He mumbles sarcastically, and winces at Derek's expression. He's so in the dog house. Stiles mournfully waves goodbye to their peaceful night out.
He glares at his dad, who's looking delighted at Stiles being the one who's bossed about instead of him. They finish their small talk while Stiles stays silent and not pouting, adding a resentful muttered "Bye Dad." at Derek's pointed frown (his eyebrows spelling don't be rude, like Derek had room to talk! He was the KING of rudeness! Well, except Jackson).
Dad leaves them, smirking. Stiles vows revenge, making a mental note to remove his Dad's burger cheat day by a year. No, a decade.
Stiles hopes he survives this talk.