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When Brendan’s agent calls him to tell him that he is one of the finalists for the Calder this year, he does the following things in this order: books tickets for each of his family members to attend the awards, calls them and tells them to check their email to look at the itinerary, calls Alex, who has already called and texted him multiple times, to freak the fuck out, group texts Alex and Prusty to invite them to the ceremony and then takes managements call to schedule the media interviews.
When Brendan wins the Calder Trophy, heart beating out of his chest, he hugs his parents, shakes hands with the other nominees, and is pulled into a handshake turned hug from Prusty. Then, he looks at Alex, who might have a bigger smile on his face than Brendan does, and there are so many things that he wants to do to Alex at the moment. Not all of them are inappropriate, but a majority of them are. They stare and smile at each other for a few seconds before Alex holds his hand out to him and Brendan takes it in a handshake which holds so much electricity he thinks they could light the entire room with their sparks.
He makes sure to mention the coaches, management, his trainers and his family in his speech. He thanks his teammates, his friends and anyone else who has helped him to get here. At the end he says, “I gotta mention Josh Gorges for letting stay at his place and Brandon Prust for being a great big brother. And, of course, Alex Galchenyuk, couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you. Thanks to everyone.”
That night, at the hotel, they make out in the handicap stall in the employee bathroom after his parents had left the after party. Brendan decides this is the best night of his life and it’s been made 100 times better by Alex being there because everything in his life is now better when Alex is there.
He can’t wait for them to get back to Montreal.
_____
They stop by Brendan’s because he was running out of clean clothes. Alex offered to do his laundry, because his mom made him learn when he left to live out on his own for the first time back in Juniors, but Brendan said he needed a little wardrobe change.
“You wear the same fucking thing everyday, anyways,” Alex tells him as they are driving over. He is tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel and bouncing his foot on the brake pedal hoping that Josh is not home.
“Yea, because all my different stuff is at home. You can still do my laundry, though, if you are just dying to,” Brendan responds.
“Whatever, just throw it in my hamper and I will get to it the next time I decide to do my shit.”
The freedom of his family being gone and it being the off season is suiting Alex well. He’s more relaxed and easygoing about everything. It’s also doing wonders for the progression of his relationship with Brendan. They’ve learned that they can actually stand to be with each other all the time outside of the hockey season. That they want to be. In the afternoons they go their separate ways to train with different guys at different places and Alex finds himself looking forward to being with Brendan again on the drive home. It’s the kind of relationship he imagines 45 year old married couples have, but he’s okay with it for right now. Once they’ve established themselves in the league a bit more, he’s confident they will get up to more off season shenanigans.
When they get to the house, Josh isn’t there. Alex is heaving a sigh of relief but Brendan seems a little disappointed because he wanted to say hi.
They head down to the basement where Brendan’s room is to collect his shit. Alex takes a seat on the couch in front of the 70” TV and grabs the remote off the coffee table like he just came home from a long day of work at the factory.
“Why don’t we ever hang out over here, this TV is way bigger than mine,” he yells to Brendan.
He hears him yell back from a distance, “You never want to hang out over here.”
“Yea, well, I didn’t realize you had such a huge TV down here, I’ve only seen the upstairs.” He has been over a few times, when the boys all get together there but they stay upstairs because that is where all the gaming systems are located.
He manages to turn the TV on and finds his groove watching ESPN. The fucking couch is super comfortable, too. Alex moves around a few times to find the best spot. Brendan has totally been hiding this lair from him.
A few minutes later Brendan plops down on the couch throwing his full bag down on the floor.
“I’m ready to go whenever you are,” he says in Alex’s general direction.
“This couch is epic,” he replies scooting closer to Brendan, so they are touching shoulders. “You never told me how nice it is down here.”
“Pretty sure I have, bud,” Brendan says putting a hand on Alex’s thigh. Alex responds by leaning down to put his head on Brendan’s shoulder.
“You have not,” he says and then kisses Brendan because he knows that he probably has told him and Alex needs to not have an argument about it. Also, this couch is obviously made for make-out sessions, and he doesn’t think Brendan has ever seen any action here. So, the two of them need to christen it.
Brendan eventually pushes him down and climbs on top. It’s one of the best things, in Alex’s opinion, having Brenden crawl on top of him with his thick thighs, solid arms and perfect mouth.
When Brendan breaks away from his mouth to work on his neck Alex decides to say, “You’ve never made out with anyone on this couch before, right?” Because he is a little worried about the response.
Brendan stops and draws his head up to look him straight in the eye. “Shut the fuck up,” he says and then kisses him on the mouth again to prove his point. He has his hands on either side of Alex’s head, playing with his ears and slightly grinding his hips down. Alex parks his hands on Brendan’s ass for a bit, because they like it there best. After another minute of heated tongue play (Brendan’s favorite), he scoops his hands underneath Brendan’s shorts to get his hands on the bare, smooth skin.
“Ahem?”
Alex’s eyes shoot open. Brendan has sat up straight, but can’t quite get all the way up because of Alex’s hands literally in his pants.
“Oh, fuck,” he hears Brendan say after a few beats. Alex somehow manages to get his hands out of the fucking lululemon material and sits himself up on this elbows. There stands one Josh Gorges.
“Well, boys,” Josh says and Brendan scurries off of him to the other side of the couch.
“We’re, um, sorry,” Brendan says quietly. “I just needed some more clothes.”
Alex thinks he going to let Brendan take the lead on this because it’s his roommate. He should know what the guy wants to hear in these situations.
“We’ll go and never come back,” Brendan continues. He looks like a deer in the headlights. This isn’t a look he’s ever seen him make before.
“What about you, Galchenyuk? What do you have to say for yourself?” Josh says diverting his attention towards him. He’s still lying back on his elbows, as if Josh is going to walk back up the stairs and he and Brendan can finish what they started.
“Um, are you trying to be my dad right now because I already have one of those.” Once he finishes, he see Brendan close his eyes and put his head in his hands. He’s probably said the wrong thing.
Josh lets out a little half laugh, shakes his head and then turns around and walks away up the stairs. His steps are long and loud and Alex wonders how in the hell they did not hear him coming.
He waits until Josh makes it all the way up the stairs before looking at Brendan. He looks rattled. He’s pushed himself into the corner of the couch and is staring at his crossed hands. Alex moves closer to him, but doesn’t touch.
“Bren, it’s okay, man. It was bound to happen eventually.” Brendan finally looks up at him and this is not a look Alex has ever seen from him, it’s weird, he thinks. This is the most scared little boy he has ever looked. He doesn’t like it.
“How do you have the worst fucking reaction to every situation,” Brendan mumbles at him. Alex has to think about it for a few seconds before he figures out what he said.
“What do you mean? I’m being pretty chill about this, I think,” he says and decides to put a hand on Brendan’s thigh.
“Yea, exactly,” Brendan says, a little louder, and stands up. “Let’s just go.” He grabs his backpack and starts walking up the stairs without glancing back at Alex.
_____
Alex tries to small talk on the way back to his place but Brendan doesn’t indulge him. He sits with his head back against the seat, eyes almost closed. Alex did not see him reacting this way to them being caught. Brendan is the level headed one, the guy who takes everything in stride. He stands up to guys two feet taller than him who are on a special assignment to rough him up.
Alex makes a stop at the small all purpose store on the way and when he asks Brendan if he wants to go in, he slightly shakes his head ‘no.’ Alex needs to do anything he can to make Brendan feel better.
He runs in and buys himself a Gatorade and Brendan an entire box of Snickers bars. When he plops them down on Brendan’s lap and he, finally, earns a smile.
“You went in there just to buy me a fucking huge amount of Snicker bars?” Brendan asks, smile still lingering on his face.
“And this Gatorade,” Alex says picking the bottle up from the cup holder. “You looked like you needed cheering up, and I know how you feel about Snickers bars.”
“Thanks,” Brendan says opening up the box and pulling a bar out, “You want one?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
The candy bar seems to have helped a little bit, Alex thinks, because Brendan has relaxed his legs and is sitting a little straighter. After he shoves the last nub of the bar into his mouth, he says, mouth full, “I think I’m going to head back to Vancouver.”
“What?” Alex says, even though he heard what Brendan said.
He continues chewing and take a swig of Alex’s Gatorade before repeating, “I’m thinking about going back to Vancouver.”
“When?” He knew their summer loving was going to come to an end eventually, but he’s not ready yet. It’s too good.
“Soon.”
“Is this because of what happened back at your place? Because of Josh?”
He sees Brendan’s body tense up and his brain start to go into overdrive. After a pause, in which Alex thinks he sees Brendan start and stop himself at least 3 times, he finally speaks. “Not really, I mean, I’ve been thinking it is about time, I guess.”
“Are you sure? Because I can go talk to Josh and set him straight, make sure he doesn’t tell anyone else,” Alex says, because it was kind of a dick move to not say something more, especially when Brendan was so obviously rattled by the situation.
“I think that it’s just time to go back, I’ve been delaying my trainer there for too long now and my mom keeps pestering me. Isn’t Yakupov driving you crazy about a trip to Russia, too?”
“Yea, I guess, but,” Alex starts. They’ve made it back to his place and he puts the car into park but doesn’t shut off the ignition yet. He looks over to Brendan. He’s taking his seat belt off but hasn’t made a move to open the door yet. “I don’t know if I want it to be over yet.”
Brendan shifts his body in the seat so he is facing Alex. “Summer’s just started. We knew we had to go home eventually.”
“Are you sure this isn’t about today?”
Brendan shrugs his shoulders, “Friday. I think I’ll go back Friday. That gives us the rest of this week.”
“Friday, huh?” It’s Tuesday, that gives them 3 days.
“Yea, come on, these bars are going to melt.”
Brendan gets out of the car, Snicker bars in hand. Alex stays for a second, taking his time in taking his seat belt off and turning off the car. When he gets out he sees that Brendan left his backpack in the backseat, so he grabs it. There is definitely more than 3 days of clothes inside.
_____
Alex doesn’t sleep too well that night for various reasons. He wrestles with if he should call Josh and talk to him about what he saw, if Brendan would like for him to or would hate him for it. He debates how long he should hang around Montreal past Friday or if he should try to get back to Russia asap. He thinks about the reason he is going to give Nail for his reluctance of going back for the past month, but his sudden urge to go now. He keeps thinking about how he only has three more nights left of doing this, of sleeping with Brendan next to him.
At 2 a.m. Brendan rolls over and mumbles, “Go to sleep, babe, come on,” without opening his eyes. He throws an arm around Alex’s bare chest and cuddles in closer. He tilts his head down to kiss the top of Brendan’s messy hair and leaves his head there.
“I’m trying but I can’t stop thinking about everything,” Alex says after a minute but Brendan definitely fell asleep because he doesn’t move a muscle. “I just don’t want you to leave,” he continues, because he’s got a sleepy boyfriend on top of him who is leaving on Friday for however long, and he’s not going to hear what he’s saying anyways. “I just think I might love you.”
Brendan continues to lie with his arm on his chest, solid and unmoving. 10 minutes later, he finally manages to fall asleep. He dreams about Brendan trying to get to him in Russia by boarding some pirate ship and becoming the sea wife of the captain. One night he steals his cell phone to call Alex, who is skating laps at his local rink, to tell him he’s coming and that he’s sorry for what he’s done but he just needed to get back to him. Alex tells him he doesn’t understand, why didn’t he just get on an airplane?
He wakes up in a empty bed before Brendan can answer him, completely confused and a little pissed. But, he can smell bacon and eggs. And, when he walks into the kitchen, Brendan’s wearing only an apron and standing over the stove humming that annoying Maroon 5 song and everything is suddenly okay.
_____
On the drive home from his work out Alex decides he should call Anna before he makes any decisions about Josh, and Nail, and Russia.
“So,” Alex says after the proper greetings, “Josh caught us.”
“Caught you what, exactly?”
“Making out on the couch in his basement and Brendan reacted weird about it.”
“What do you mean by weird?”
“He was very upset and won’t talk to me about it and now he’s going back to Vancouver. On Friday.”
“And how did you react?”
“Pretty calmly, I think. I said the wrong thing at first, of course. But I’m not that worried about him knowing. It was going to happen eventually.”
“And Brendan took it badly?”
“Yea, he looked like I just drowned his baby kitten in the bathtub or something.”
“And he won’t talk to you about it?”
“He changes the subject whenever I bring it up. I am thinking I should call Josh and explain and ask him not to tell anyone else, what do you think?”
“Yea, I mean, that sounds good, but maybe not tell Brendan you’re doing it.”
“Why not?”
“Because he is obviously embarrassed, and when you’re embarrassed you don’t want to talk about it, you want to forget about it.”
“I guess.”
“Look, does anyone know that Brendan is gay? Do his parents know, his brother, anyone?”
“No, just a couple of guys he went to high school with, his family doesn’t.”
“So, do you think he might be worried about that? Your family already knows, Alex, so you have less to lose, here.”
“You’re right. I hope Josh hasn’t done something like call his parents. I need to call him and set things straight.”
“Good idea, and Alex?”
“Yea?”
“Just be supportive, okay? Let him know you’re there for him.”
“Right, thanks. I’ll see you soon. I’ll let you know when I will be back.”
“Good luck.”
_____
Alex mulls over what his sister said and what he plans to say to Josh for the rest of the afternoon. How did he not realize that Brendan is embarrassed by Josh walking in on them? Is it because he’s that unperceptive or something else? The Brendan he knows is crashing the net, holding his ground, checking guys twice his size, standing up to anyone who bullies him with a wicked smile on his face. He’s flirting with Alex because he knows he can, calling him out when he’s being an asshole, pushing him against the wall in the back stairwell. He’s never embarrassed about anything he does.
The thought that Brendan is potentially worried about his parents finding out breaks his heart. He doesn’t want Brendan to ever feel that way. And, he’s met his parents before and they seem like great people. His dad is a little intense but they love Brendan so much, they want nothing but the best for him. And, Alex knows Brendan wants to be nothing but the best for them.
Josh picks up on the third ring, “Galchenyuk. What’s up?”
“Hey, ah, Gorges, not much, man. How are things with you?”
“Good, you know.”
“Good. So, I’m calling about the other day and what you saw.”
“I was waiting for one of you to call. Got to admit, I thought it would of been Gally who did.”
“Yea, that’s the thing. He’s worried, I think, that you have told other people. Like maybe his parents?”
“What? No, man, of course not. He really thought I told his parents? I only gave them my phone number for emergencies. Stupid kids making out on my couch isn’t what I would classify as an emergency.”
“Thank god, so you haven’t told anyone?”
“I told my girl, but no one else, I’m not that guy.”
“Good. Thanks, man. And sorry again, we didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“I’m sure you didn’t.”
“But, I want you to know that we’re aren’t just stupid kids making out. We are in it. You know. We’re with each other.”
“That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.”
“That came out wrong. I just want you to know that nothings going to change our hockey. Like, we’re teammates first and everything else second, so you don’t have to worry about us fucking things up. We’re professionals.”
“Good, Galchenyuk, good.”
“Yea, so that’s that, I guess. Nice talking to you.”
“Yea, one thing though, buddy?”
“Yea?”
“Brendan’s a good kid. Don’t mess with that. And tell him I won’t tell his parents.”
“Uh, yea, okay. Thanks. Bye man.”
“See ya.”
_____
They decide to stay in that night. Alex orders pizza, Brendan picks a movie to watch and they park themselves on the couch. The pizza’s good but the movie is kind of boring so Alex loses interest fast and his mind starts to wander.
He can’t keep up with his thoughts, he’s still trying to figure out why Brendan reacted the way he did. Fuck, he’s also wondering why he reacted so calmly about it. When did he stop being so worried about other people finding out? Is it because he told Anna? Is it because the hockey season is over? Is it because he’s in love with Brendan?
He wonders about Brendan’s parents and how they would react if they knew about them. He wonders what Brendan plans on doing back in Vancouver besides working out and hanging with his family. Should they have a conversation about the state of their relationship to make things clear before they go their separate ways? Alex thinks it’s pretty clear that they are, like, exclusive, but maybe he needs to say it.
“You’re not watching this, are you?” Brendan says, pulling him out of this thoughts.
“No, it’s horrible,” Alex answers and puts his plate in the, now empty, pizza box.
“It kind of is, huh?” Brendan says and starts moving around.
“Can I ask you something?” Alex says. Brendan positions himself so that he is laying on the couch with his legs draped over Alex’s lap.
“Sure.”
“When you leave for Vancouver and I go back to Russia, we’re still going to be together, right? Like, there’s not going to be anyone else back home,” Alex says. He’s gripping Brendan’s ankle.
“For real? Come on, Alex, of course there’s not anyone else. We’re only going to be apart for a month, maybe two. And, then we’ll be back in Montreal, everything will be fine.”
“Okay, yeah, of course. I just wanted to, you know, clarify. Put it out there.” Brendan smiles and tips his head up at him when Alex finishes and it makes him feel a little better.
He waits through another 5 minutes of the terrible movie before speaking up again, “Are you mad about my reaction to Josh catching us? That I was cool about it?”
He sees Brendan close his eyes after Alex finishes the question. He doesn’t open them until he starts saying, “I’m not mad. I didn’t think that you would’ve reacted that way with how worried you were during the season and everything.”
“Yea, I know, I didn’t think I would react that way either, but, are you okay? Because you didn’t seem okay, you know.” Alex is entering territory he’s not used to going into here. But, he has to because this is Brendan and he needs to have some sort of resolution, some answers, so he can make it better somehow.
“Yea, man, I’m okay,” Brendan says, trying sound casual.
“Come on, Bren, don’t bullshit me.”
“It was a surprise, that’s for sure,” Brendan starts. He sits up, pulling his legs off of Alex and facing him. “I guess I wasn’t ready yet for one of the boys to know. I wanted to enjoy the summer in our little secret and then face it once the season starts.”
“Did you think he might tell your parents?”
“What? No, Josh isn’t like that,” Brendan looks at him like he’s crazy when he says it and Alex feels a little deflated, but glad at the same time. That’s the last time he listens to his sister. “I mean, I am worried about what my parents will think but I didn’t think Josh would tell them.”
“That’s good, I thought you might be worried that he would call them, or something, and that is why you were so upset about it.”
“I was just surprised, I think, and, like, embarrassed. I mean you literally had your hands inside my pants, Alex. And our teammate saw that, one of the captains of our team. Saw my tongue down your throat. That’s kind of embarrassing.” Alex has to smile when Brendan finishes because, if he thinks about it, it does make sense that Brendan is embarrassed by it. He’s such a nice, fucking, polite, take him home to your momma, young man. He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before.
“You’re right. He got a show though, what a lucky guy,” Alex says and Brendan punches him. Alex holds his arm in pain but Brendan cuddles in next to him so that he has to throw his pained arm over him.
“Why don’t you choose a movie since the one I chose sucks,” Brendan says. He’s balled himself up next to Alex.
“Let’s just watch whatever is on HBO and then take a shower.” Half of him wants to jump to the shower part right now but the other half wants to stay right here, on the couch, with his boy curled into him like a puppy.
“What’s with you and shower sex?”
“It’s the best of both worlds, baby, the best of both worlds.”
“You’re a fucking weirdo.”
Alex wickedly smiles down at Brendan who tries to look unimpressed. It only lasts a few seconds before he’s smiling, too. He reaches up and presses their smiles together.
_____
Alex sleeps much better that night. He still thinks about how he only has one more night of this, but it’s more sweet than bitter tonight after their talk and the shower and the after shower. He dreams about winning the Stanley Cup with Brendan handing it to him and P.K. yelling in his ear and when he wakes up Brendan is still asleep on the other side of bed. His hair’s a mess and the blanket is revealing his entire back. He takes a picture, to remember what this looks like, to have when he leaves and sets it as the background on his phone.
Both of them had cancelled on their trainer for the day, and for the rest of the summer. Brendan decides to make them plans to go to lunch with Prusty since it will be the last time they see him for awhile. Alex agrees but only under the condition that they go out to dinner, just the two of them, for their last meal together.
“You’re kind of sappy,” Brendan says after Alex finishes making their dinner reservations. “What got into you? Ever since I told you I was going back home you’re all super boyfriend with the feelings conversations and breakfast and the dinner reservations.”
“Are you complaining, because I can cancel them.”
“No, no, not at all, it’s just a little weird is all I’m saying.” They have about an hour before they are going to meet Brandon so they are going to go for a run. Brendan decides he’s going shirtless to work on his tan. Alex is not because he’s “too self conscious” says Brendan, but he burns easy, is all.
“I’m just trying to make our last days together good, douchebag.” He did cut the sleeves off his practice t, though, so he’ll being showing some skin.
“Have you made plans with Nail yet about Russia?” They are stretching in the middle of his living room. Brendan is much more flexible than he is and it is distracting him from the task at hand.
“Not yet, I texted him yesterday but he was in the middle of something and said he would call me back today. Come on, let’s go, I think we’re ready.” Brendan jumps up off the floor and holds out a hand to help Alex up. He slaps Brendan’s ass in thanks.
They get stopped once to take a picture with someone and Brendan puts a sweaty arm around the girl while Alex opts to put his hands on his hips. He tells Brendan he’s gross after she walks away and he just says, “She loved it.” What a creep, Alex thinks.
The drive to lunch takes forever because Prusty makes them drive all the way to the suburbs to pick him up. “You’re an asshole,” Alex tells him when he gets into the car.
“Nice to see you, too, Chuckie,” he holds a hand out for Brendan to fist bump, he looks happy to see him.
“You’re giving me gas money.”
“Whatever, man, Maripier had to take my car to work and I drove you two around for months so stop fucking complaining,” Brandon says with a smile on his face.
“Where to?” Alex says smiling back at him in the rear view mirror.
“Take a left at the stoplight and follow that road for a while.” Alex nods his head and Brendan starts asking Prusty about summer, his training and whatever else. Alex just listens, enjoying being with his teammates and the banter, waiting for Prusty to tell him when next to turn.
When then get to the restaurant they eat outside on the back patio. It’s fucking beautiful outside and it makes Alex not want to go back to Russia.
“So you’re headed back home, eh?” Prusty says to Brendan. It still hits Alex in the gut a little bit when he hears Brendan say it.
“Yea, thought it was about time to see the fam, you know.”
“What about you, Chuck, you headed back to Russia?” He thinks Nail might have called him as they were being seated but he didn’t want to take the call here, so he let his phone vibrate in his pocket unanswered.
“Yea, eventually, haven’t made any official plans yet but will probably head back in the next week or so.”
“What are you guys going to do without each other for the next couple months? You’ve been fucking attached forever,” Brandon says without even a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Alex thinks that he’s got to know about them, like, he’d be dense if he didn’t.
“I think we’ll survive,” Brendan says.
“Are you kidding?” Alex chimes in, “I’ve been trying to get rid of this kid for months now, I can’t wait.” Brendan rolls his eyes at him from across the table as Prusty laughs.
“Well, kids, I only have one piece of advice for you as you return home after your first NHL hockey season,” Brandon says like he’s the Wizard of fucking Oz.
“Yea? What’s that?” Brendan asks because he’s always one to indulge, especially Prusty.
“As two single, semi-attractive, successful, award winning, young men, take every invitation given to you. If you know what I mean.”
Brendan laughs, and Alex looks confused. Brendan kicks him under the table, so he starts to laugh, too. “Yea, man,” Alex eventually says, “Great advice.”
Brandon looks between the two of them a couple of times before hanging his head and chuckling to himself. “I can’t wait to hear the stories of what the two of you got up to this summer. Can’t wait.”
After they drop him off back at his house, Alex turns to Brendan and says, “He definitely knows.”
“What? He might suspect but he doesn’t know for sure,” Brendan responds. He’s living inside the reasonable doubt and Alex thinks it’s kind of cute because the tables are turned.
“Oh, come on, Bren, you don’t have to actually see someone with their hands down the other person’s pants to know something is up between them.”
“Shut up, Alex, the only person that knows for sure is Josh, let’s keep it that way for now, okay?”
“Of course, I don’t want anyone else to know either, I’m just saying.” Brendan nods his head and pulls his phone out. He calls his mom and Alex kind of wants to punch him in the face every time he says something about seeing her tomorrow or details about when to pick him up at the airport. He needs to call Nail when they get back home.
_____
He goes out onto the balcony while Brendan is getting ready for dinner to call Nail back.
“Wow, he actually returns the call,” Nail says in fast and hard Russian. He missed it, and it puts a smile on his face.
“It’s about time, isn’t it?” He says back in his most natural accent. The one he only uses with his friends, not the formal one he uses with the Russian reporters and when he calls his parents.
“So, how the fuck is Montreal? Did the government kidnap you and is that why you refuse to leave?” Nail’s in LA, because he’s a dick like that. He’s training with a few guys there but he’s mostly there for the beaches and the girls.
“Not all of us are stuck in fucking Edmonton for half the year like you are, don’t be jealous.”
“Whatever. LA is fucking awesome, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“I’m sure it is, so awesome that you don’t want to return to mother Russia, say, next week with me?” He’s going to try to leave out as many detail as possible, is what he decided. It’s not like Nail is one to ask many questions anyways.
“Shut the fuck up,” he says in English and then switches back to Russian for, “you’re going back next week?”
“I haven’t booked anything yet, but I am thinking next week is the time to go. They have a flight that lays over in LA on Tuesday, if you can pull yourself away from the blondes and beaches.”
“You’re serious?”
“Of course, I’m serious. Do you think I would be looking up flights if I wasn’t?”
“You’ve been giving me bullshit excuses for over a month now, thought I would check. How long are you planning on staying?”
“Three weeks, probably, then back to Canada for the Biosteel camp after that.”
“Text me with the flight details and I will book it. About fucking time, Galchenyuk! Can’t wait. We are gonna tear it up, get ready!”
“Yea, can’t wait. Look, I gotta go, I will text you the flight shit. See you next week, fucker.”
“Yes, motherfucker! Whoo!”
Alex hangs up because he can only take so much of Nail’s whoo’s before he gets a headache.
He walks back into the apartment and Brendan is sitting on the couch wearing a nice polo shirt and khaki shorts, he can smell his cologne fresh in the air. “You ready?” he and Brendan nods his head.
“Who were you talking to?”
“Nail, going to Russia on Tuesday, I found a flight that goes through LA so we’ll meet up there.”
“Nice.”
“Yea, I guess it will just be me and Montreal this weekend.”
“I’m sure you’ll find something to do.” Brendan takes the keys out of Alex’s hands and smiles at him. “I’m driving.”
Alex peers down at him for a second before going to the passenger side of the car. “Do you even know how to get there?”
“Yea,” Brendan says moving the seat up. “I’m an attentive passenger.”
He can count on one hand the amount of times Brendan has driven them somewhere, mostly because he doesn’t have a car and Alex is not a big fan of letting other people drive his. But, what the fuck, it’s their last night together.
After dinner they decide to go for a little walk around the downtown area where the restaurant is located. The walk side by side, Alex slowing himself up so they are on the same tempo.
“Are you excited to go back?” Brendan asks him as they pass by a little bookstore. “How long has it been since you’ve been back home?”
“It’s been awhile since I’ve been in Russia, I wouldn’t exactly call it home, but yeah I am. It will be nice to see some of my buddies there.” The streets are not too busy tonight. It could be because of the area they are in or the heat they’ve been having. It’s nice, having the streets more or less to themselves.
“I always forget you’re American,” Brendan says, looking over at him and smiling before continuing, “Do you have a lot of friends still there that you keep in touch with?”
“A few. I think Nail keeps in touch with a lot more, so wherever he goes a party tends to follow.”
“He’s got a lot of energy, eh?”
“You could stay that.” They turn a corner to double back to where they started and walk in silence for half the block.
“What about you,” Alex says as they can see the restaurant again, “You excited to see your buddies back home?”
“Yeah, you know, it’s been awhile. I’ve kept in touch with a few close buddies, but it will be nice to see more of the extended circle.”
“You guys like to party?”
“A little bit, but you know me, I don’t like for things to get too out of hand.” Brendan takes the valet stub out of his pocket because they are only a few steps away from kiosk.
“Good,” Alex says and then smiles at the valet guy. Brendan hands him the ticket and they both watch him run down the street to get their car.
“Good, huh? Are you worried about me, Chuckie?”
“No, not at all,” Alex says with what he hopes is a convincing tone.
“Maybe I should call up Yakupov, huh, tell him to make sure to keep an eye on you at all these parties you are going to be having.” The smile on Brendan’s face is busting at the seams. “Make sure there isn’t anyone other boys trying to get their hands on you.”
Alex can’t contain his own lips, “You want me to give you his number?” He pulls his phone out of his pocket.
“I already have it,” Brendan says. Their car is ready. Brendan hands the guy some money, says “Merci” and hops into the driver’s seat. Alex puts his phone back in his pocket, and unsuccessfully tries to shake the smile off his face as he gets into the passenger seat of his car.
_____
Alex straight up passes out after some amazing sex. Maybe the best they’ve ever had if he’s honest with himself. They stay alert enough to wipe up the mess they left behind on their bodies, but moments later they were both asleep. Alex spooned himself around Brendan and when he woke up sometime in the middle of the night they were almost still in the same exact position.
He moves around the stretch out a little bit. He wants to look at his phone to see the time, but stops himself because he truly does not want to see how few hours he has left with Brendan. As he tries to get back to sleep, he thinks about the weekend and what he will do without without Brendan around. He thinks about all the different people he wants to see in Russia and the places he wants to go. He thinks about all the places he would want to show Brendan and hopes that maybe, if they are really dreaming big, he will be able to show him at the Olympics next year. He thinks about how he loves Brendan and if he should tell him before they go their separate ways tomorrow.
Eventually, Brendan cuddles in closer to him, still asleep. Alex kisses him lightly on the tip of the nose and barely whispers “I love you” at him. After a few deep breaths, he falls into a blissful, dreamless sleep.
He is awoken by Brendan kissing his forehead, his cheek, his lips. “Alex, babe, you gotta get up,” he hears Brendan say faintly, the feeling of his lips still lingering on Alex’s face.
When he opens his eyes Brendan is fully dressed and his suitcase is packed in the corner of Alex’s room. He must of gotten up early and went over to Josh’s to grab everything he needed. “Good morning, I made you coffee and waffles. We gotta leave in like 20. I thought you might want to take a shower.”
He hears everything that is being said to him but can’t bring himself to say anything back. He does get out of bed and put a pair of shorts on to walk into the kitchen. He eats the waffles and drinks the coffee while Brendan cleans the dishes in the sink.
Once he finishes the waffles on his plate Brendan is there to take it away and start washing it. “You should probably get in the shower now, we don’t have much time.” Alex stands up and walks towards Brendan. He wraps his arms around Brendan’s waist and rests his head on Brendan’s. He stops what he’s doing and leans back into Alex, letting him breathe him in. They stand like that for 30 seconds before Alex feels able to let go. He kisses Brendan’s shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen to get in the shower.
They are running late so Brendan spends the car ride to the airport bobbing his leg and taping the hand not holding Alex’s against the armrest.
“We’ll make it,” Alex says to him when they are sitting at a red light near the airport. “Come here,” he says when Brendan looks at him. They meet halfway over the center console in a kiss, the last one, Alex thinks as it’s happening, which lasts until the car behind them honks.
When they get to the airport, they both jump out of the car and Alex helps him get his suitcases out of the trunk. Brendan says, “Thanks” and grabs him into a huge hug. “It’s only a little bit,” he says into Alex’s ear. “Have a good time with Nail. Call me.”
Brendan starts to let go first and Alex lets him pull away. “Have a safe flight. Text me when you land.”
“Of course,” Brendan says, suitcases in hand. He smiles at Alex one last time and turns around towards double glass doors.
Alex watches him leave and then gets back in his car and drives away. When he gets home he texts his sister, ‘i just dropped him off at the airport and i didn’t tell him i loved him even though i wanted to’ because he had to tell someone.
‘he knows’ is what his sister says back and, this time, Alex prays that she’s right.
_____
When Alex gets to Russia he might let himself be influenced by Nail a little too much. He doesn’t do anything too stupid, but he definitely drinks more than he was planning to and blows off his family a few too many times. He can’t deal with himself and his fucking feelings, though. He has too many of them, he decides, Brendan’s made it too hard for him to deal.
So he goes to parties at nightclubs and let’s hot girls buy him drinks, and he dances with them in thanks. When they slur Russian invitations for him to come back to their places, he let’s them down easy and hails himself a cab because Nail does take them up on the offer.
He gets an email from Brendan on day four that says:
didn’t get your phone international calls yet or what, you bum? I miss you. Hope you’re having a good time. Get your phone fixed please? Tell your family I say hello. Tell Russia I say hello or rather priviet. I miss you. Call me. BYE.
He hasn’t got his phone setup for international calls yet because he’s IS a bum. So he emails Brendan back:
Sorry, I will get my phone fixed. I miss you too. How is Vancouver? I went to a nightclub with Nail last night and I actually danced. Only with girls-don’t worry. I will call you on Anna’s phone if I don’t get mine fixed by the end of the week. I’m trying to let loose and have fun. I hope you are also. But not too much fun.
20 minutes later Brendan replies with:
You? Dancing? I am going to have Nail take a video and send to me, I have to see this. Did you get your phone fixed yet? I can’t say I’ve gone to any nightclubs but have hit a few bars with the boys. We keep it low key. A girl bought me a drink once , so I bought her one back in thanks. Then she left because I told her I had someone back in Montreal. She was nice about it. I know you’re not in Montreal, but when I told her that you still were, so it counted. P.K. called me yesterday we had lunch because he is in town. He told me I’m not the same without you, I told him he was full of shit, but he is probably right. Is your phone fixed now?
That night, after Alex spends over 45 minutes on hold with the phone company to get international calling setup on his phone, he calls Brendan. He doesn’t answer because it is something like 2 a.m. in Vancouver, so Alex leaves him a message.
“Hey, ah, Bren, I finally did it. Got my phone fixed. I know it’s the middle of the night there so sorry? Call me. Okay? I, ah, miss you.”
He goes out to dinner with his parents and grandparents that night because he’d put them off the previous. Afterwards, he heads to Nail’s best buddies apartment. They’ve decided to stay in and just drink at his place because things got crazy, apparently, after Alex had left last night.
3 hours in, Alex has had one too many shots of vodka and is sitting on the counter in the kitchen telling Nail that he, “Just miss him so much, man, so much,” in, what he can only imagine is horrible, English.
“Let me guess who this mystery man is,” Nail says to him back, in Russian.
“Sure,” Alex says because he knows he’s been very careful not to actually say Brendan’s name. He thinks.
“Brendan Gallagher,” he says and then smiles hugely at Alex, just like Brendan would.
“What? How did you know?” After says he it, he thinks he should have taken a different route, he should have denied.
“One, because I know you and two, because I saw the background on your phone.”
“Shit,” Alex says out loud. The word continues to stream through his head in a constant loop for the next little while as his brain tries to catch up and find something to say. “Nail?” he finally says.
Nail is on the other side of the kitchen pulling the vodka out of the freezer. All the other guys are spread throughout the apartment, where, Alex isn’t sure, but they’re not here in the kitchen.
“Yea, buddy?” he says to Alex, in English.
“I’m gay.”
Nail doesn’t say anything, just pours them each a shot of vodka and walks across the kitchen and hands him a glass. “I kind of already knew,” he says, switching back to Russian. He takes the shot and Alex follows him, wincing as he downs it.
“You did?” Alex says once the burning dies down a bit.
“Not really, but I had a little suspicion. Does your family know?”
“Yea, they do, they have for awhile.” Nail just nods his head and sits down next to Alex on the counter.
“And Gallagher?”
“Brendan, yeah, we’re, ah, together, and it sucks, you know, being away from each other.”
Nail hops up off the counter and says, “We need another shot.” Alex doesn’t agree, in any way, but he just spilled his guts to his best friend, so what the hell. When in Russia.
_____
When he wakes up the next morning, he’s happy to see that he’s in his own room. He stretches out his limbs and is surprised when his hands and feet hit someone else. He gingerly turns his head to see who is there. It’s Nail. Thank fucking god.
He gets out of bed and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He’s still fully dressed. There’s a voicemail from Brendan.
“Way to go, you actually got it fixed. We should find some time to actually take advantage of your achievement. I have sometime exciting for you to hear. Miss ya. Also, your accent is 10 times worse. Alright, talk to you soon? Bye.”
It puts a smile on his face, how could it not. He tries to figure out the time difference in his head but pulls up the app after he fails because of the pounding in his right temple. He decides he has time to take a shower, some aspirin and eat breakfast before he calls him back.
When he gets out of the shower, Nail is awake and watching TV in his bed.
“Good morning,” Alex says to him.
“Good morning,” Nail repeats, sounding more cheerful than he should for the amount of alcohol he consumed last night.
“Thanks for getting us back here.”
“No problem, it’s was getting kind of ugly by the end, there. You were all, ‘boo-hoo, Brendan Gallagher is a million miles away and I never told him I loved him, boo-hoo.’”
“Shut the fuck up, I did not say that.” Alex is rooting around his closet looking for some suitable clothes to put on.
“You yelled it out of a taxi window, in English, thankfully.” He does not remember that, he doesn’t remember much past that last shot of vodka.
“Wow, sorry about that. You’re a good friend.” He pats Nail on the shoulder as he walks back into the bathroom to continue getting ready.
Nail comes in a moment later to jump in the shower, “You’re going to buy me breakfast for dealing with your shit last night.”
“Sure,” Alex tells him, “Anything you want.”
He shaves, brushes his teeth and takes 4 aspirin before sitting down to call Brendan.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Bren, it’s me.”
“Hey! Hey, finally. What’s up?”
“Just waking up, long night, what’s up with you?”
“Just on my way to dinner with my brother. Long night, eh?”
“Yea, I drunkenly told Nail I was gay and we were together, sorry.”
Brendan laughs and something is set free inside Alex’s chest. He didn’t realize how much he missed it.
“How’d he take it?”
“Good, you know. He was cool about it.”
“Good, that’s good. Tell him to keep it to himself, eh?”
“Yea, of course, he won’t tell anyone.”
“So, you want to hear my exciting news?”
“Yea, yea, tell me.”
“My agent called and asked me if I wanted to do Biosteel. I told him yes.”
“Serious? You’re serious?”
“Yea, I will see you in 15 days.”
“Shut the fuck up, 15 days?”
“15 days, Alex.”
Nail makes an entrance from the bathroom asking Alex if he can borrow a shirt. He points to the closet.
“Can’t fucking wait. Man.”
“Me either, I gotta go going though, my brother is waiting.”
“Yea, me too.”
“I’ll email you later, I kind of liked it.”
Alex laughs because Brendan would enjoying something like typing.
“Alright, have a good night.”
“You too.”
They say goodbye and Nail chimes in from the closet where he is putting a pair of Alex’s sock on, “How’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s good, he’s going to Biosteel.”
“Nice! You will see him soon then.”
“Yea, I know. This is kind of weird, talking to you about this,” Alex admits because he never thought he would be having a conversation like this with Nail.
“Why? We are friends, you talk with your friends about this stuff.”
“You sure you’re cool with it? You can tell me if you’re not.”
“Alex, you are in love. Be happy about it, they say there is nothing better than being young and in love. Even if you don’t tell the other person.”
“No one says that, Yak.”
“Yes, they do, come on, breakfast.”
He’s a lucky guy, he thinks as they drive over to Nail’s favorite diner. He needs to stop worrying about having too many feelings and start enjoying them, like Nail says.
_____
Brendan’s email comes time stamped with the local time, but Alex figures out that he sent it around 1 a.m. Vancouver time. He’s not usually a night owl, but the writing is kind of long, so it must have taken him a while.
It reads:
Alex-This is probably the 7th non school related email I have sent in my life. I didn’t think I would like it but it feels kind of good for some reason. I think it might be because I know you’ll be reading it on the other side of the world, or something. Does that make sense? It was nice to hear your voice today. And I am glad Nail was cool about you and us. It’s nice to have someone to talk to about things.
I have wanted to tell you why I decided to leave to come back to Vancouver out of nowhere, but I could never bring myself to do it. Maybe I was waiting to discover email, haha. I guess I just panicked a little when Josh found us. Ever since the Playoffs and the Calder, I started to feel like I had too much spotlight and I didn’t want to mess it up. I started to feel a little more pressure but I didn’t want to stop what we are doing because it’s good. I just told myself that we could live in our secret for the summer and everything would be fine. Then, Josh saw us and I was embarrassed and worried. I didn’t think he would tell anyone, but I knew we needed to cool it before someone else found out. You were so cool about it too and I didn’t understand, but I’m glad now that you were cool with it. It’s good.
Anyways, this is long but I’m glad to get this off my chest. I am excited for Biosteel. When my agent asked me about it I knew I had to do it because I really do miss you so much. He said he would make it so we could room together. Exciting, eh?
Okay, going to sleep now. Night babe.-Brendan
Alex hits reply and writes:
I love you. -Alex
He doesn’t send it but he saves the draft. He has dinner with Anna in 5 minutes and needs to get ready.
_____
When he gets home he decides he owes Brendan some sort of reply, even if he doesn’t have the balls to send his initial one. He sits down at his computer and types:
Can’t believe you stayed up so late. Just kidding. Thanks for telling me. I understand where your coming from. I didn’t really get why I was cool with it at first either, I think because the hockey season was over and my sister knew and I felt like all the pressure was off. I didn’t even think about the pressure being on you with your hockey superstar status. And I mean that seriously.
We get to room together? The next 15 days can’t go by fast enough. You will probably be reading this when you wake up so, Good morning.-Alex
He reads it over and sends it.
Nail invited him out but he declined. He’s going to take it easy and start working out again tomorrow to be ready for Biosteel, and Brendan.
_____
They talk on the phone every couple of days and email back and forth a few times a day over the rest of the their time apart. They, coincidentally, will be landing at the airport in Ontario around the same time.
Brendan texts him that he is waiting at baggage claim E for him and Alex basically runs there after clearing customs. Nail tries to slow him down but gives in and starts to run with him.
Brendan is sitting on a bench, hockey bag and suitcase at his feet. He looks up as they are approaching and leaps up when he see Alex. They meet in a crushing hug that has Brendan on his tiptoes. “Holy shit,” is all Alex is able to get out and Brendan breathes out a, “Yea,” into his ear.
When they pull away Brendan sees Nail and walks over to him to shake his hand, “Hey, Nail, nice to see you.”
“You, also, Gallagher.” He then leans in closer to them both and whispers, “I can cover you if you want to make out in the corner over there.” Alex pushes him away while Brendan giggles.
“I think we can handle ourselves,” Brendan says heading back over to the bench to grab his stuff. “Come on, the driver is just right over there.”
Alex and Nail follow Brendan over to a man in a black suit. They lock eyes and smile back and forth the entire walk to the car.
_____
After participating in the first day of camp, having dinner with the guys and drinks at the hotel bar, Alex and Brendan are alone in a hotel room again. They are all over each other the moment the door closes and it’s over soon after the dicks come out.
After another, better, round in the shower, they are laying together in bed. They haven’t even put their clothes on yet, which is quite risky in a hotel of their fellow hockey players. But, they are finding it hard to care.
“Hey, Brendan, you know in your one email, how you said you had been meaning to tell me about why you wanted to go back home?” Alex says. Brendan’s got his head on his chest.
“Yea?”
“I also have something I’ve been meaning to say to you.” He wonders if Brendan can hear his heart beating faster and faster.
“Yea?” He raises his head and look at Alex.
“I love you,” he says in a full voice, louder than he was expecting.
Brendan kisses him softly on the lips, he pulls away, looks Alex in the eye and says, “I love you, too.”
Alex reaches up and does the thing he loves to do the most with Brendan, and connects their smiles.