Chapter Text
Knights of the WAG Table
October 21st
Cassie: Did you do it Harris?
Harris: Yes, now please stop pestering me.
Lisa: Yay!!!
Shane: Hello?
Shane: What is this?
Lisa: Shane Hollander!!!
Lisa: Or wait, is it Rozanov now?
Shane: Hollander is fine.
Cassie: Welcome to the very secret group chat of the Centaurs WAGS.
Shane: There's only three of you here?
Shane: I know for a fact there are more WAGS than that.
Cassie: There are, but this a secret separate chat for exclusive WAGS.
Shane: What makes you all "exclusive".
Cassie: Well, I'm technically considered "head" WAG because the captain didn't have a partner before so I was the closest thing.
Cassie: Harris is in here because he works for the team, so he has the best gossip.
Cassie: And Lisa got added because she cried when she found out me and Harris talked privately.
Lisa: I did not cry!
Lisa: That much.
Shane: Okay.
Shane: But why am I here now?
Cassie: Uh... you're like the highest of all WAGS.
Cassie: You should be our leader, I'm sick of it.
Cassie: And the real WAG group chat has been begging to add you, but Harris thought starting out smaller might be easier for you.
Shane: Am I considered a WAG?
Cassie: In a way, yeah.
Lisa: For sure!
Harris: You are married to a player.
Shane: But I am a player.
Shane: By that definition, Ilya is also a WAG.
Lisa: Should we add Rozanov then?
Harris: NO.
Shane: NO.
Shane: That's fine, actually.
Shane: So what do you guys even talk about here?
Shane: Also wait, why is this chat called "knights of the WAG table"
Cassie: Lisa gave it that name because she's a nerd.
Lisa: Suck it Cas.
Harris: Shane if you don't wanna be in here it's totally fine.
Harris: We mostly just talk about the games and events
Lisa: And gossip about our husbands.
Shane: No actually I think I'll enjoy this.
Shane: I don't really have anyone I can talk to about Ilya, besides the team.
Shane: But I'm sure the guys don't wanna hear about our relationship stuff.
Lisa: Well we do!
Lisa: Welcome to the table, my friend.
Cassie: Jesus Lis, act like you've been here.
Lisa: Cassie I'm gonna kick your ass next wine night.
Lisa: Oh my god we have to invite Shane to next wine night!
Knights of the WAG Table
October 29th
Lisa: How's party prep going, Cas?
Cassie: Remind me why I insisted on hosting Halloween when I have a newly walking kid?
Cassie: I swear if Milo knocks one more giant skeleton over and then cries in fear I'm gonna rip my hair out.
Harris: I offered to host this year.
Cassie: Yes, and when I turned you down you should have smacked me across the face.
Lisa: I'll do that for free.
Shane: Can I ask something?
Lisa: Oh my god Shane's texting.
Lisa: Be cool guys be cool.
Cassie: You are the only uncool person here, Lis.
Shane: That's actually what I want to ask about.
Cassie: How nerdy Lisa is?
Cassie: I thought you knew that, she's married to Hayes.
Lisa: Leave my husband out of this.
Shane: No, I wanna ask if you two actually like each other.
Cassie: Me and Lis?
Lisa: What???
Lisa: You think we don't like each other?
Shane: I know I've only been in the chat for a few days but you are always being mean to each other.
Cassie: Mean?
Lisa: What?
Harris: Shane, it's chirping.
Shane: Huh?
Harris: It's like you and the team.
Harris: Harmless.
Harris: Trust me, they adore each other.
Cassie: Of course we do.
Cassie: I love my big nerd Lisa.
Lisa: Aw Cas.
Shane: Oh.
Shane: Sorry.
Shane: I'm not great with women.
Shane: I only have one friend who is a woman.
Lisa: Really? That's surprising to me honestly.
Lisa: You're so likable! And respectful and charming.
Cassie: Yeah, and you're like hot as fuck.
Harris: Cassie.
Shane: Um, thank you?
Cassie: You're welcome ;)
Shane: I'm getting used to how you are nothing like Bood, Cassie.
Cassie: God no.
Cassie: I'm the fun one in this relationship.
Cassie: Ugh, Milo just got caught in mummy wrappings.
Cassie: I hate halloween.
Lisa: What?!?!?
Lisa: Halloween is the best!
Cassie: Lisa and Wyatt overdo it for halloween every year.
Lisa: Overdo it, or do you all just underdo it?
Harris: What are you being this year anyway?
Lisa: Don't tell Wyatt I'm telling you, he likes it to be a surprise.
Shane: No one ever really knows what you guys are anyway.
Lisa: We're gonna be Sue Storm and Reed Richards this year!
Shane: Who?
Lisa: Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman?
Shane: ?
Lisa: The Fantastic Four??
Shane: I don't like superhero movies, sorry.
Lisa: Boring.
Lisa: What are you and Troy being, Harris?
Harris: I still don't know.
Lisa: You have like two days, buddy.
Harris: I know, I know.
Harris: Maybe I'll just wear his jersey and pretend to be a hockey player.
Lisa: That sounds like an excuse to wear Barrett's jersey.
Harris: Shane, what are you and Ilya being?
Shane: I don't know, Ilya said he would pick the costumes out for us.
Shane: Which really scares me.
Shane: But as long as Ilya is wearing the least amount of clothing that is considered decent I'm okay with it.
Lisa: Oh damn.
Cassie: I like how you think Shane Hollander.
Knights of the WAG Table
November 7th
Harris: How do you know if you are getting proposed to?
Lisa: OH MY GOD
Cassie: HARRIS DO NOT FUCK WITH US LIKE THIS
Harris: I said IF. Heavy emphasis on the IF.
Lisa: Um... I don't know.
Harris: Aren't there signs?
Cassie: Is Troy planning some kind of getaway or anything?
Harris: He keeps bringing up maybe going away.
Harris: Like subtly asking if I want to.
Lisa: Aw baby.
Lisa: I wish I could help but if I told you all how Wyatt proposed I would have Cassie sending a parade to tell us how nerdy we are.
Cassie: I'm sure it was adorable in your own little way, Lis.
Lisa: Thank you my love
Cassie: Shane how did Ilya propose to you?
Shane: Huh?
Shane: I proposed to Ilya.
Lisa: WHAT.
Cassie: Woah.
Harris: I feel bad now because even I assumed it was the other way around.
Shane: Yeah.
Lisa: Details, now, please.
Shane: Um, well.
Shane: Do you remember when the Centaurs plane almost crashed?
Cassie: Yeah.
Lisa: Of course.
Shane: I got kind of... super freaked out after that.
Shane: But let's not get into that part of it.
Shane: Basically, it gave me the courage I needed and I surprised Ilya at home.
Shane: It's like an inside thing but I put candles all over the room.
Cassie: I'm gonna cry.
Lisa: I am crying.
Cassie: Why couldn't I have been a gay man?
Harris: Cassie what?
Shane: Don't say that.
Shane: I'm sure your proposal was nice too, Cassie.
Cassie: Yeah sure but not candles all around the room nice.
Cassie: Did Roz cry?
Cassie: I need to know if Roz cried.
Lisa: I second that.
Harris: I bet he cried like a baby.
Shane: I don't know, I don't think so.
Shane: We had sex on the carpet right after, so.
Lisa: DAMN BABY.
Cassie: Again I repeat, wish I was a gay man.
Harris: Cassie please stop saying that.
Shane: Have you guys never had sex on the floor?
Lisa: Uh. No comment?
Cassie: Wouldn't that hurt your back?
Shane: Who said I was on my back?
Lisa: God I love you Shane Hollander.
Cassie: We should have added him here months ago.
Thirty Minutes Later
Cassie: Wait Shane distracted us with his sex talk we totally forgot
Cassie: Harris, are you getting proposed to?
Harris: I don't knowwwwww
Lisa: Are you... scared?
Harris: I don't know that either.
Harris: Should I be?
Cassie: We can't decide that for you.
Lisa: You love Troy!
Harris: I do but, how do you know you're ready to be married to someone?
Cassie: You just kind of feel it.
Harris: That's very helpful Cas, thank you.
Shane: You get a gut feeling about it.
Harris: Again, very helpful, thank you.
Shane: Sorry, with Ilya I just knew.
Harris: Is being married like... I don't know, it's dumb.
Harris: Is it like, good?
Shane: It's the best.
Cassie: It has it's ups and downs for sure.
Lisa: But if you really love the other person, you can make it work.
Harris: Okay.
Harris: Let's all just forget about this.
Harris: I'll worry about my answer when Troy actually proposes.
Shane: Not sure you should wait until the very last second like that but okay.
Lisa: Let's be real, if he sees Troy on one knee he's gonna say yes in an instant.
Cassie: The knee thing really gets to you, I can admit.
Cassie: Something about men being on their knees is very hot.
Shane: Very hot.
Knights of the WAG Table
November 23rd
Cassie: Shane Hollander.
Harris: Full name!
Cassie: I have a question.
Shane: Okay.
Shane: Shoot.
Cassie: How do you get Roz to fuck you so much?
Lisa: CASSIE.
Harris: CASSIE!!
Shane: Um.
Cassie: Oh come on, we all want to know.
Cassie: They bump like bunnies.
Shane: How do you know that?
Lisa: Oh, honey.
Lisa: Hotels have thin walls.
Lisa: Husbands talk.
Shane: Wait hold on.
Shane: The team talks about our sex life?
Cassie: Not to each other, as far as we know.
Cassie: But Zane has complained to me about certain things he's heard.
Cassie: I'm surprised you are such a good boy in bed, Shane.
Shane: Kill me.
Lisa: Don't be embarrassed!
Lisa: We are jealous.
Shane: Jealous of what?
Shane: Being humiliated?
Cassie: No, having fucking amazing sex all the time.
Cassie: It's unfair, dude.
Lisa: I'm impressed by your stamina.
Lisa: Wyatt has said you guys can go all night.
Lisa: And that's AFTER a hockey game.
Shane: Strike me down.
Shane: I'm so serious.
Cassie: How do you walk after that, Shane?
Lisa: And play hockey, as well as he does.
Cassie: Best player in the league!
Harris: Girls.
Harris: Shane is clearly uncomfortable.
Lisa: Oh.
Cassie: Sorry Shane.
Shane: No, it's fine.
Shane: I'm just not used to talking about sex with friends.
Shane: I'm always worried about people judging me.
Cassie: Judging you?
Cassie: Baby we want tipssssss.
Lisa: Yeah, Roz is so obsessed with you.
Lisa: We need to know what you do in the sack.
Shane: Seriously?
Shane: You guys aren't grossed out?
Cassie: Grossed out?
Cassie: By what? Gay sex?
Lisa: I've seen gay porn, it's hot.
Harris: Oh god.
Shane: I don't know, everyone thinks I'm a prude.
Lisa: A prude?
Cassie: You locked down ILYA ROZANOV.
Lisa: What did they used to call him?
Lisa: Russian sex machine or something like that?
Shane: That is not real.
Shane: Is it?
Harris: Unfortunately.
Cassie: Shane, you not only locked him down but you turned him into a husband.
Cassie: Be proud of your power, baby.
Lisa: And please share with the rest of us.
Shane: Okay, well if you really want some tips...
Harris: I'm muting this chat.
Knights of the WAG Table
December 5th
Cassie: [picture of Milo in a tiny Boodram jersey]
Cassie: Kick the admirals ass tonight, Shane!
Lisa: Whack Scott Hunter for me, please.
Harris: What is your beef with Hunter, Lis?
Lisa: He's geriatric.
Shane: God you sound like Ilya.
Lisa: SHANEEEEE
Lisa: Good luck!!!
Cassie: Kill em for us baby!
Three Hours Later
Cassie: [picture of Milo passed out hanging off the side of a couch in his jersey]
Cassie: The kid fell asleep like this halfway through the game.
Lisa: Aw he didn't get to see our cens wipe the floor with New York.
Harris: Incredible game, Shane.
Shane: Thanks guys!
Shane: Cassie he is too adorable.
Shane: I want one.
Cassie: A kid?
Lisa: Aw Cas you're giving Shane baby fever.
Harris: Do you and Roz plan on having kids, Shane?
Shane: Eventually, yeah.
Shane: We've talked about it.
Shane: A lot.
Lisa: I wish men could get pregnant.
Lisa: Your babies would be so beautiful.
Harris: Lisa what the fuck?
Cassie: In a totally not weird way I agree.
Cassie: Imagine a baby with Roz's curls and Shane's face.
Lisa: Oh that is too adorable.
Shane: Okay stop talking now I really want a kid.
Cassie: Are you guys waiting?
Shane: Yeah, I mean, life is just a lot right now.
Shane: Ilya has said he might retire when we have a baby, though.
Cassie: NO.
Lisa: NO PLEASE.
Cassie: Our team is too powerful right now Shane, you can't take Roz away from us now.
Lisa: Can we win like at least two cups first?
Lisa: Pretty please.
Shane: I promise, at least two cups before them.
Shane: Maybe three.
Lisa: Thank god.
Cassie: We love you Shane Hollander.
Lisa: We love you Shane Hollander!
Knights of the WAG Table
January 1st
Lisa: Okay.
Lisa: I've never had fried chicken. I like Halloween more than Christmas. And I can't stand classical music.
Cassie: Hm.
Harris: Those are so random.
Lisa: Come on guess.
Cassie: The Halloween thing has to be true.
Harris: Who can't stand classical music? It's calming.
Cassie: You are ignoring the never had fried chicken thing, which is the craziest there.
Cassie: That has to be the lie.
Lisa: Nope.
Cassie: What the fuck Lisa.
Lisa: I don't like the way it looks!
Lisa: It reminds me of fluffy puppies.
Shane: What are you guys talking about?
Lisa: Two truths and a lie.
Lisa: It's a game we play sometimes when we're bored.
Shane: Oh.
Lisa: Play along Shane!
Cassie: Okay my turn.
Cassie: I have a son named Milo.
Shane: That's just obviously the truth.
Lisa: Cas is really bad at this game.
Cassie: Shhhh I'm not done.
Cassie: Okay, Milo thing.
Cassie: When I was a kid we had a dog named Milo.
Harris: Aw Milo is named after a dog!
Shane: Isn't it weird to name a kid after a dog?
Lisa: She isn't done guys!
Cassie: Okay, last one.
Cassie: I don't really find hockey that fun to watch.
Shane: Please let that one be a lie.
Shane: Right?
Shane: Right Cassie?
Cassie: You have to guess!
Shane: Okay well I am guessing that you are lying because that would be crazy.
Shane: Hockey is great to watch.
Harris: Uh oh you've upset Mr. Hockey over here.
Lisa: I think it's the dog thing.
Cassie: Good job Lisa!
Harris: So Milo isn't really named after a beloved childhood pet :(
Shane: I'm sorry.
Shane: You don't think hockey is fun to watch?
Shane: Actually?
Cassie: I'm sorry, Shane.
Cassie: Maybe I've just watched it too much.
Cassie: It's repetitive at this point.
Shane: Repetitive???
Harris: Shane's gonna blow a fuse.
Shane: How? It isn't.
Shane: That doesn't even make sense.
Lisa: I mean, it's not the most fun thing in the world to watch.
Shane: You are killing me.
Lisa: It's fun when the gloves drop.
Cassie: And sexy.
Shane: I can agree on that.
Harris: What? No.
Harris: Fighting is bad.
Cassie: We aren't endorsing fighting.
Lisa: Of course not!
Lisa: But it can still be hot.
Cassie: Oh my god, like every time we play Montreal and Roz looks like he's gonna straight up murder those fucks.
Cassie: Sorry Shane but that is so fucking hot to watch.
Shane: How the hell do you think I feel playing?
Shane: The first time after I joined the team and he fought like six players I literally bruised my jaw from sucking him so hard later that night.
Cassie: AYYYYYYY
Lisa: DAMN
Harris: God I really did not need to know that about you, Shane.
Lisa: Okay we got off track, two truths and a lie.
Lisa: Go Harris.
Harris: You guys know like everything about me already.
Cassie: Boo boring.
Lisa: Fine.
Lisa: Shane you go.
Shane: Um okay.
Shane: I've played hockey since I was 5.
Cassie: Okay, makes sense.
Shane: I need glasses to read.
Lisa: If that's true I want a picture.
Harris: I second that.
Shane: And Ilya was the first guy I ever hooked up with when I was 18.
Cassie: HOLD ON.
Lisa: WOAHHHHHHH
Harris: Wait what?
Cassie: LIE LIE LIE
Lisa: THAT HAS TO BE THE LIE?
Lisa: EIGHTEEN?????
Lisa: EIGHT? TEEN?
Shane: Is that your guess?
Harris: Has to be.
Harris: I mean the implications of that being true...
Shane: Sorry guys.
Cassie: WHATTTTTTTTT
Lisa: WHAT THE FUCK.
Harris: SHANE.
Shane: The lie was that I started playing hockey at 5.
Shane: I was 4.
Cassie: BITCH NO ONE CARES.
Lisa: WHAT DO YOU MEAN 18???
Lisa: AS IN ONE EIGHT. AS IN WHATEVER YEAR THAT WAS.
Harris: 2010, if my math is right.
Cassie: Holy fuck.
Cassie: Isn't that the year you got drafted?
Lisa: IS THAT WHEN IT HAPPENED???
Cassie: Had to be.
Cassie: I'm guessing the first time they played against each other.
Shane: No.
Lisa: NO????
Shane: No. Was way before that.
Harris: WAY before????
Lisa: I'm freaking the fuck out right now guys.
Cassie: Okay I lowkey am too.
Lisa: There is nothing lowkey about how I am freaking out.
Harris: What is way before, Shane?
Harris: What does that mean?
Shane: The summer before.
Lisa: THE SUMMER BEFORE????????
Cassie: THE MOTHERFUCKING SUMMER BEFORE??????
Harris: Jesus christ.
Harris: I knew you guys were together for longer than you've said but dude.
Harris: That's actually insane.
Shane: We weren't together the whole time.
Shane: Just hooking up for a few years.
Shane: We became exclusive in 2017.
Lisa: Still Shane... wow.
Cassie: How the fuck have you put up with the same man for that long?
Lisa: That man being ILYA ROZANOV.
Shane: I don't know.
Shane: I love him?
Harris: Aww you are so adorable, Shane.
Lisa: Can we ask how this happened?
Cassie: Ooh yeah, how did it start.
Cassie: Did Roz come on to you?
Shane: ...Kind of?
Shane: After I sort of just a little bit got hard in front of him. In the showers.
Lisa: I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack.
Lisa: WHAT IS GOING ON.
Cassie: HELLO?????
Harris: Shane WHAT.
Shane: I doubt any of you have ever seen it, but we did this commercial together.
Shane: And afterward, in the communal shower I kind of got... hard.
Shane: After seeing Ilya.
Shane: And then that fucking asshole starts jerking off at me.
Lisa: AT you???
Cassie: How can you jerk off AT someone?
Shane: It's possible.
Shane: Then after that he asked for my room number and I just told him.
Shane: I don't even really know why.
Shane: I was so confused and horny.
Shane: I didn't even know I was gay back then.
Cassie: Baby... you got hard while looking at a naked man.
Cassie: I fear the signs were there.
Shane: So then he came to my hotel room, we blew each other, and the rest is a very complicated and long story.
Lisa: Wow.
Harris: So we have a commercial shoot to thank for all of this?
Shane: Yeah I guess so.
Cassie: Or Shane's inability to not get hard.
Shane: Fuck off.
Ten Minutes Later
Lisa: Shane can we tell our husbands about that?
Shane: Uh I guess?
Lisa: Thank god because I've already told Wyatt.
Lisa: We found that old commercial on youtube.
Lisa: You guys were babies.
Lisa: Can't believe you were blowing each other later that day.
Lisa: Jesus christ.
Cassie: I also told Zane.
Cassie: He honestly wasn't that surprised.
Harris: Okay see neither was Troy.
Harris: Was it really that obvious about the two of them?
Shane: I fucking hope not.
Shane: We worked really hard to not give our secret away.
Shane: Until... you know.
Five Minutes Later
Shane: Your husbands have big mouths.
Cassie: ?
Lisa: Huh?
Shane: Our team groupchat is freaking out over finding out how long Ilya and I have been doing it.
Lisa: I told Wyatt not to tell anyone else!
Cassie: I told Zane the same thing.
Harris: ...
Harris: I may have watched as Troy let it slip over text.
Harris: Whoops.
Shane: It's fine, I don't really care.
Shane: But Ilya was just far too smug about this.
Shane: He loves being the first man I ever slept with.
Cassie: I too would brag about that, to be honest.
Knights of the WAG Table
January 14th
Lisa: Wyatt has offically left the building.
Lisa: Are we ready to get fucking hammered guys???
Harris: Hell yeah.
Cassie: FUCK YEAH.
Shane: I told you guys I don't really drink.
Cassie: Oh you will drink tonight, Shane Hollander.
Lisa: We have made it our mission to get you plastered, honey.
Harris: Sorry Shane, but it's imperative to wine night that you get shit-faced.
Shane: Okay, but no promises.
Private Chat
Two hours later
Shane: Ilyaaaaaaaa
Ilya: Hi sweetheart
Ilya: Having fun?
Shane: So much fun.
Shane: Did you know wine is really good?
Ilya: I did know that.
Ilya: How much wine have you had?
Shane: I dunno
Shane: Like this much?
Ilya: Shane I can't see you, love.
Shane: Oh! hahaha
Shane: Like a lot.
Shane: Not not a lot.
Shane: A little
Shane: Only a little I promise.
Ilya: It's okay if it was a lot.
Ilya: I want you to have a good time.
Ilya: You usually don't let loose.
Shane: I am very loose.
Shane: That sounds dirty!
Shane: It can be dirty.
Shane: Do you want it to be dirty?
Ilya: I always want it to be dirty.
Shane: Can you fuck me?
Ilya: You are with your friends.
Shane: Ok???
Shane: Through the phone?
Ilya: You want to have phone sex while you are with your friends?
Shane: Nooooo
Shane: I want your dick through the phone
Shane: please
Shane: Want it in my mouth
Ilya: Okay Shane, how about no more wine, yes?
Shane: No I like the magic red juice
Shane: And I like you
Shane: I like you soooo much Ilya
Shane: I wanna marry you
Ilya: We are married.
Shane: even better
Shane: Cna you fuck me now?
Ilya: You already asked me that.
Shane: And you said no?
Shane: Fuck you.
Ilya: I did not say no.
Shane: Fuck you!
Ilya: Should I come get you?
Shane: WHAT
Shane: No!
Shane: I wanna stay.
Ilya: Okay.
Ten Minutes Later
Shane: Why aren't you here?
Ilya: What?
Shane: I thought you wre gonna come fuck me.
Ilya: You told me not to pick you up?
Shane: Well I was lyingggg
Shane: Why didn;t you know that?
Shane: You don't know me.
Ilya: Shane Hollander.
Shane: Ooh full name
Shane: Did I do something bad?
Shane: Are you gonna spank me?
Ilya: I'll be there in fifteen minutes.
Knights of the WAG Table
January 15th
Lisa: How you feeling this morning Shane?
Shane: I am never coming to wine night again.
Knights of the WAG Table
February 11th
Shane: I have a secret.
Cassie: Go on.
Lisa: Yay secret!!
Cassie: Aren't you on shift right now?
Cassie: You know, at the children's hospital.
Cassie: Where you are a very important doctor.
Lisa: God forbid a girl go on break???
Lisa: Spill the secret already Hollander.
Shane: Okay.
Shane: But it's not my secret.
Cassie: Who then?
Lisa: ROZ?
Lisa: I wanna know a Rozanov secret please.
Shane: No, god no.
Shane: It's someone from the team.
Cassie: Oh my god.
Lisa: WHO. SHARE NOW.
Lisa: And type faster I have to go back to work in like five minutes.
Harris: Wait Shane.
Cassie: Oh god here comes the fun police.
Harris: Before you share, is this going to be a secret that will make my job harder?
Shane: No..?
Shane: I don't think so.
Harris: Not happy with how uncertain you sound.
Shane: It's about Luca.
Cassie: Baby Haasy?
Lisa: What secret could Luca have?
Harris: Is this about his childhood crush on Roz?
Harris: Because we all have known about that, Shane.
Shane: No.
Shane: And also Luca has denied ever having a crush on Ilya.
Cassie: Honey, he had that man's poster by his bed.
Lisa: He had a crush.
Shane: Okay let's not talk about people who have had a crush on my husband.
Cassie: Fiesty.
Lisa: Hurry it up Shane, clock is ticking.
Shane: Well, funny enough it is actually about Luca's love life.
Shane: But you guys have to promise you won't tell anyone.
Shane: Especially your husbands.
Lisa: My lips are sealed.
Cassie: I love not telling my husband stuff.
Harris: He's not my husband (yet) but I promise.
Cassie: Yet?????
Cassie: Something you wanna tell us, Harris?
Harris: No.
Harris: Not right now, anyway.
Harris: Get on with it Shane.
Shane: Okay, so Luca asked me for advice.
Shane: On how to know if a guy you like is serious about you.
Cassie: Oh my god is he seeing someone???
Lisa: Our baby rook awww
Harris: Who is he seeing?
Shane: That was the weird part, he would not say.
Shane: Wouldn't even give me a first initial.
Cassie: Well what did you say to him?
Shane: Probably nothing helpful.
Shane: Me and Ilya danced around each other for years.
Shane: I told him if he wanted it to be serious, he should just ask the guy about it.
Lisa: Oh no...
Cassie: Shane baby, honey bear, sweetheart, you sweet summer child.
Shane: What the fuck are you calling me right now?
Cassie: Men hateeeee being confronted with their feelings.
Lisa: Why do you think you and Roz spent so long avoiding that talk?
Lisa: Because neither of you wanted to initiate it.
Cassie: I'm slightly sad to find out not even gay men are safe from the curse of being a man.
Harris: Me and Troy don't have communication problems.
Lisa: That's because you two are somehow emotionally evolved beyond all of us.
Cassie: It's truly impressive.
Shane: Wait did I give Luca bad advice?
Lisa: No, but I just hope that conversation goes okay.
Lisa: Let us know if you get any updates!
Knights of the WAG Table
February 12th
Shane: Luca Haas officially has a boyfriend!
Shane: See my advice was helpful!
Cassie: Yay!!! Good for our boy.
Harris: If that man breaks his heart, we all break his face.
Shane: With a sledgehammer.
Lisa: Shit.
Shane: What?
Lisa: Uh so... don't freak.
Lisa: Me and Wyatt were watching a video on my phone when you sent that text...
Lisa: So he saw.
Shane: Shit.
Shane: I promised Luca the team wouldn't find out!
Shane: Fuck.
Lisa: It's okay, Wyatt promised he could keep a secret.
Harris: We're doomed.
Knights of the WAG Table
March 13th
Cassie: My loves.
Cassie: The playoffs are upon us.
Cassie: Another year praying the sex ban stays the fuck out of Ottawa.
Lisa: I'll set up the prayer candles.
Harris: It hasn't reached us yet, girls, I think we are safe.
Shane: Sex ban?
Shane: What's a sex ban?
Cassie: Oh my sweet darling boy.
Shane: Cassie what are these nicknames lately?
Cassie: Shh just let it happen.
Lisa: Some teams in the league do a "sex ban" during the playoffs.
Lisa: Aka hell for everyone involved.
Cassie: It hasn't hit the Cens yet and we pray every time it does not.
Shane: Oh well, you don't need to pray that hard.
Shane: Ilya would never let that happen.
Harris: ?
Lisa: Do I want you to explain what that means?
Shane: Ilya kind of believes that having sex regularly helps you play better.
Shane: I wouldn't be surprised if he actually encourages getting laid more.
Cassie: Oh my god.
Lisa: We have Ilya Rozanov to thank for saving us from the sex ban curse???
Cassie: Shane I could kiss you.
Shane: Ilya would not like that.
Harris: Can the captain tell the team to have more sex?
Harris: I'm thinking of this from an HR standpoint.
Shane: I doubt he'll actually use the words "have more sex" Harris.
The Gayest Team In The League
April 16th
Ilya: Which is why, I want us all to have even more sex during this playoff season.
Shane: Ilya.
Bood: Hell yeah.
Wyatt: Yes captain!
Luca: Is that a requirement?
Ilya: Yes.
Shane: It absolutely is not.
Shane: Please ignore him.
Ilya: Do not ignore your captain.
Ilya: That is very rude.
Ilya: I know one person who is not getting more sex.
Shane: Ilya Rozanov.
Knights of the WAG Table
April 26th
Shane: Guys I may have fucked up.
Cassie: What happened?
Lisa: Is everything okay?
Harris: What's going on?
Shane: So my phone was in the kitchen, and I saw some text notifications on my watch right?
Shane: And Ilya was already up, so I asked him to grab my phone for me.
Shane: Which is fine, you know he's a great husband, didn't even complain.
Shane: But I guess one of you texted in here when he picked it up.
Shane: And he saw the message and the chat name.
Shane: So I had to explain to him what this was, and why I was in here.
Shane: And now he is demanding to be let in.
Cassie: Oh.
Cassie: I was honestly worried it was something way worse.
Lisa: We can add Roz!
Lisa: I said from the beginning he should be in here.
Lisa: He's a WAG too.
Harris: Guys, you don't know Ilya Rozanov over text.
Cassie: How much worse can that be than irl Rozanov?
Shane: Are you seriously okay with him being added?
Shane: I could just tell him to fuck off.
Shane: Let him fuck me in the laundry room to make up for it.
Lisa: Laundry room?
Cassie: Is that supposed to be sexy?
Shane: I really don't know, he keeps asking to do it though.
Shane: Like he wants me to fold my laundry while we do it.
Lisa: I'm laughing so hard wtf
Harris: Knowing Shane you probably have a very intricate and detailed way to fold your laundry.
Harris: And knowing Roz that probably turns him on because he's weird.
Shane: It's not that detailed of a routine.
Cassie: I say add him.
Lisa: Me too!
Harris: If Shane's okay with it then who cares.
Shane: I'll think about it.
Knights of the WAG Table
April 27th
[Shane added Ilya to the chat]
Shane: Behave in here, Ilya.
Ilya: I always behave, Shane.
Shane: Right.
Ilya: Hello ladies ;)
Ilya: And Harris
Lisa: God this is gonna be fun.