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Pangi hates Ben. He hates him, and he's yet to find a good reason to justify that. It's not exactly a secret either, and it's made things between him and Lukey more tense than he'd like to admit.
So, when Lukey asks him to come out and have drinks with him and his stupid fucking boyfriend, he kind of feels forced to accept. If only because Lukey is too sweet to say no to. And Pangi truly doesn't have a good reason to hate his boyfriend so blatantly. So, if Lukey wants them to get along, then he can try, at least.
Well, sitting across the two of them at a bar, he suddenly remembers all the reasons why Ben fucking sucks.
It's things he would never think too much about, usually; like the annoying way his black hair curls over his forehead, or his slightly crooked glasses. Or his too-bright too-blue eyes. It's the way Pangi has never sat across from Lukey before, where he's out of reach, with Ben's arm draped across his shoulders instead of Pangi's. He has to watch Lukey comfortably lean into the space of someone else, and for some reason it makes his blood boil.
Except it doesn't make sense. Sure, Pangi's been possessive about his friends before, but he doesn't know where all of this comes from. That feeling of sharp ice growing inside his chest when he sees Ben and Lukey flirt in front of him, or the flutter of his heart when Lukey's foot meets his under the table.
He doesn't feel as bad about his hatred towards him when Ben starts provoking him.
"So, you and Lucas do the same thing for work, right? You're kinda like colleagues." He chuckles. And Lukey only hums in acknowledgement. Pangi wants to fucking explode.
'Lukey's not my colleague, he's my best friend.' he wants to scream. 'He's everything, an entire world that you could never appreciate like I do.'
But he doesn't. Because that's too mean, too aggressive, and categorically not who Pangi is… Because being around Ben only serves to make him feel like a fucking asshole. Guilt flares under his skin.
He's only 3 cocktails in, but his brain feels fuzzy with too many emotions to process. He feels hot and uncomfortable all over. And it only gets worse when Lukey snaps him out of his haze. "Ready to head out?" He stands from his seat.
Ben looks at him skeptically. "Yeah? But it's only midnight, babe."
'Babe'... Ugh, Pangi wants to die. Right here and now.
Lukey looks over at Pangi like he's looking for his input, but he stays quiet. Maybe Lukey has had enough of the awkward vibe that lingers between them, or he's mindful of Pangi's usual bedtime.
"Let's just go, I gotta get up early tomorrow." Lukey reaches for his wallet to pay for his drinks, but Ben interrupts him with a hand to his arm.
"I'll pay for yours, Luc'." He smiles.
And fuck, Pangi has never felt so upset at someone before. He's never been an angry drunk. He's never experienced that ugly feeling washing over him, of the alcohol in his blood boiling up and making him feel like a ticking time bomb. Holy fuck, he's never felt so… jealous. He realizes.
"Thanks Ben," Lukey grins. "I'll just stop by the bathroom first, you guys can wait for me outside."
Just like that, Lukey was gone and Pangi and Ben were left alone to pay for their drinks and make their way out of the bar in a terribly tense silence.
Ben lights a cigarette once they're outside, awkwardly standing on the sidewalk together. Pangi wants to step back, not be in Ben's space breathing in his smoke, that's making him nauseous.
"You probably think Lucas is way out of my league, huh?" He asks, lightheartedly.
Pangi wants to scoff, roll his eyes or say yes. But he holds his composure. "What makes you say that?"
Ben huffs a laugh. "A lot of people tell me that. It's okay. I know I'm lucky to bag a guy like him."
This time, Pangi doesn't hide his reaction. The choice of word bothers him, makes him feel a little sick. "A guy like him?"
"You know. One who doesn't usually settle down. He's more like… Casual."
Pangi starts seeing red with the implications of what Ben is saying. Maybe it's hitting a little too close to Pangi's exact problem, the words worm their way under his skin. He feels lightheaded and hyper aware of his hands shaking by his sides. "What are you saying?"
Ben shakes his head and flicks his cig off on the sidewalk.
"Come on, you know what I mean, he's kind of a slut."
The next few seconds is a complete blur. The only thing Pangi vividly remembers, though, is swinging his fist straight for Ben's stupid fucking face.
.
All things considered, Lukey thought the evening went decently well. Awkward and tense, yes, but fine in the grand scheme of things. Pangi was quieter than usual and Ben was being a little obnoxious, but it was fine.
Until, he exits the bar to see the two of them throwing punches in the middle of the street.
He thinks he's dreaming for a minute, adjusting to the ridiculous sight. Pangi has a clear strength and height advantage and it looks like Ben could fall over any minute. He's hovering over him, swinging for his jaw, whereas Ben is struggling to get away, blindly hitting Pangi in the ribs.
Lukey's first instinct is to run up to them and pull Pangi backwards, held by the back of his shirt. He grabs his shoulder, hard, when Pangi tries to get away and go after Ben again.
Pangi follows easily, melting into his touch. He looks at him like he's been pulled out of a trance. His face is a little bloody and bruised, his already messy hair ruffled, and Lukey can't help but admire the sight for a moment.
Then, he looks over at Ben to see him stumbling backward against a lamp post. Ben already has harsh bruising forming along his cheekbones and jaw, and is holding his nose with a hiss of pain. His glasses are broken in his hand.
Lukey looks between the two of them and snaps out of it, finally finding his ability to speak again. "What the fuck is your problem?!" He yells. At both of them, a little uncertain.
Ben breathes harshly through his fucked up nose. "Fuck, he started it! We were just talking and he attacked me."
He speaks of Pangi like a feral animal, like a dog that needs to be muzzled. Lukey feels anger, shame, guilt, all bubble up the back of his throat. He looks at Pangi and only sees the same sweet, gentle man he's always known him to be. One who he never thought could even be violent like this. He looks at Pangi and can't even feel angry at him. Fuck.
Lukey steps back from him, hesitantly, and walks up to Ben. "Let's get you home" he mumbles.
Pangi stares at him with a million emotions on his face "Lucas..."
He can't listen to him, not like this. Not with those earnest, slightly wet eyes staring straight at him. Not with blood smeared down his lower lip. Lukey is too weak for him, he knows. Hes not allowed to let himself fold in this situation. Not with so much on the line.
Ben is right by his side, breathing shaky and pained. All three of them are tipsy at least, he can't risk making this worse.
"Not now, Pangi. Not right now." He forces the words out, harsher than necessary. "We'll talk, later..."
Pangi let's him go, as he often does.
It's exhausting and surreal, to walk Ben all the way to Lukey's own apartment, letting him borrow the bathroom and some washcloth, to sluggishly wash away some of the blood and injuries on his face. Lukey sits on the bed waiting for him to be done, lost in thought. He's looking at his phone, opening and closing Pangi's contact idly. Not sure if he's expecting a notification or if he's thinking of sending something. He's lost, like the floor has opened up beneath him.
When Ben comes back to the room, he just lays down in Lukey's bed with his eyes shut tight, with a cold washcloth softly applied to his forehead. He might have hit his head, considering the sudden migraine. Lukey knows he should stay with him. Comfort him, or watch over him as he rests, maybe lay with him, trace soothing patterns along his shoulders or something... But he too feels restless, antsy.
He knows he should be a good partner now, but all he wants is to see Pangi. It feels wrong, like cheating although it's not, it's just… All he wants is to know that he made it back to his hotel safely, if he took care of his injuries properly. What happened. What could have possibly turned him so feral, so violent… Lukey hates that he's looking for excuses, but he knows Pangi. He knows how gentle he is, how kind… He knows he shouldn't be looking to forgive Pangi so quickly, but he can't help it.
So, he slides a comforting hand through Ben's hair and whispers to him to get some rest, before standing up and grabbing his jacket off the coat hanger.
"Where're y'going, babe?" Ben asks, half asleep.
Lukey hesitates. "…I'm gonna... take a walk. I need some air."
Lukey doesn't have a good explanation for why he knows exactly what hotel Pangi is staying at, and his room number, but the address stays in his memory, he doesn't even have to check their texts from a few days prior.
In his defense, It was the first time since they met, being in the same city whilst not staying in the same room. It's made things terribly lonely for Lukey, although he knows he shouldn't feel that way.
He has a boyfriend, for fucks sake. His first serious boyfriend, the entire reason why Pangi couldn't stay over. He can't be desperately pinning after his straight best friend forever, he needs to move on, and Ben was an opportunity to do so.
He could stay friends with Pangi, just friends, and try to have a real relationship too, with someone who… Sure, wasn't nearly as good as Pangi, but at least it's something real. Not this cycle of false hope and crossed lines. he cares about Pangi too much to lose him over these feelings.
Quickly enough, he finds himself outside his hotel room door. Out of breath, although he took his time walking over.
He knocks, and it takes Pangi a long moment to answer the door. When he opens though, his eyes widen and that unreadable expression is back. He looks happy, but also terrified to see Lukey. He almost apologizes for not warning him that he was coming over, but then remembers why he's here in the first place.
"Can I come in?" He asks. And Pangi let's him, wordlessly.
They stand there in awkward silence for what feels like an eternity. At a stalemate. Pangi sits on the bed and he looks small there, retracted into himself.
Lukey opens his mouth to speak but Pangi beats him to it. "I'm sorry. I'm... so sorry Lucas."
The words make him melt a little. He knows he shouldn't forgive Pangi, he knows, but it's hard to stay focused in these circumstances. "That's... Nice, dude. But it's Ben you should apologize to."
Pangi's face twists into a frown. "I... I'm not doing that."
Lukey scoffs. "Seriously? Why?!"
Pangi sighs, running his hand down his face where he smears the blood still pooling below his lip. "Cause he deserved it. But you shouldn't have to deal with that."
"What? What do you mean he deserved it? Are you insane?!"
"I... He, he said some shit about you, Lucas." Pangi sighs. "That's all. But I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing to me?"
"Yeah,"
"But... not to Ben?"
"Fuck no." He spits.
Lukey approaches the bed carefully, like stalking up to a scared wild animal. When Pangi doesn't pull back, he takes a hold of his face and wipes some of the blood staining his face with the sleeve of his sweater. Uncaring for the damage it will do to the white fabric.
Pangi looks up at him like he's everything. With Lukey's hands framing his injured face, he looks kind of angelic. The blood just under his mouth has dried a little now, and Lukey can't do much to clean him up without water and soap, but his hands are drawn to it. He traces the trail of red with the tip of his fingers, and Pangi gasps. He can't believe Pangi bled for him, because someone insulted him. He can't believe the overwhelming affection he feels for him in this moment.
"Tell me what he said about me...?"
"Lucas..."
"Tell me."
"He, he called you a slut."
Lukey feels his chest seize painfully. Oh. A part of him wants to deny it, to look for a kinder, more delusional explanation. But he knows Pangi. And he knows himself enough to trust Pangi anything. "Oh, and you fought for my honor, did you?" He jokes lightly. It comes off bitter
"I'm sorry,"
"Why do you keep apologizing?"
"Because, I— you deserve better." Pangi mumbles, and he turns his head to bury his mouth against Lukey's open palm, smearing his blood further onto him. Neither of them care. When their eyes meet, Lukey's heart flutters. He feels helpless. Pangi's eyes are a little red and humid, like he cried, or maybe it was just from the pain. Either way, it makes him look desperate, like he's begging Lukey for something.
"Do I?" He asks softly. Pangi nods. "And, are you better?"
It might be the heartbreak, the exhaustion, the tiniest bit of hope blooming deep within him as Pangi looks at him, devotion written all over him. It might be a scary leap of faith, but Lukey leans into Pangi, sitting halfway on top of him on the bed. Pangi's arms hesitantly come up to circle his waist.
"You deserve... Anything you want." He exhales. He looks a little scared, stunned, like he isn't sure what is happening. Lukey can relate. Even in confusion, in fear, they're on the same page. They're one.
"Anything?"
He leans down, and kisses him. He kisses Pangi so softly, avoiding the cut in his lip, terrified of hurting him further. Pangi whimpers, deep in his throat, something broken and needing. He laces his fingers in Lukey's hair, deepening the kiss, swallowing a hiss of pain back when it puts pressure on his injury. It's messy, and it tastes of blood, and it's perfect.
Pangi pulls back and blinks up at him, a little awestruck. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and smooth that cut that's probably re-opened.
"Does this mean you're breaking up with Ben?"
Lukey laughs in surprise, he can't help it. "Shut up, don't ruin the moment."