Chapter Text
It ended up being a homeless child that nearly broke Dennis in half.
None of them were strangers to fighting tears on the clock, but today a metaphoric hand slipped around his throat and squeezed.
Dennis was still at the bedside long after Samira marked the time of death. He stayed through the moment of silence and remained still as the team trickled out one by one. Trinity helped him search the girl’s clothes. The velcro wallet he found had a peeling Spider-Man logo on the outside. It contained nothing but an ID for a local high school and a few crumpled bills. She had on a dirty uniform under a track suit and a puffer coat, but it hadn’t been warm enough to protect her from the cold. She froze to death on the pavement in her sleep. The horror of it stuck in their throats. Dennis instinctively put a blanket over her body, numb to the fact that their patient wasn’t a person anymore so much as a link in a chain of evidence.
Trinity’s lip wobbled as she linked an arm around Dennis’s elbow and leaned into his side. The hospital raged on around them. The door peeled open, both too slow and too swift, and amplified the noise around them. Dennis caught his hands twitching towards the dead girl, as if to cover her ears. Trinity sucked in a breath and shook her head.
“Shit.” Dana led in Kiara, who was deep in conversation with the morgue techs and a few police officers. Samira was in the process of giving a statement, having led the case. Dennis wordlessly passed the wallet, dropping it in the plastic bag one of the techs held out in his direction. He snapped his gloves off and crumpled them in his hands. Dana said something he didn’t quite hear. He looked up and found everyone looking at him, expecting a response. He cleared his throat and shook his head. The conversation moved on.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. Dana grabbed him by the collar of his scrubs and gave him a gentle shake.
“Hey. You got nothing to apologize for. Neither of you.” Trinity wiped her cheeks. “This whole damn city fucking failed her, you hear me?” Dana bit her lip, forever the sympathetic crier. She waited stubbornly until they both looked at her and nodded obediently. “She’ll never be cold again.” She added a little more quietly. That seemed to do Trinity in. Her fingers left bruises in Dennis’s arm.
“I’m gonna take a walk. Gimme five.” She squeezed Dennis on the arm again and took off at a determined pace, likely headed towards a certain staff member in the OR. Dennis’s face must have crumpled. Dana hooked an arm around his shoulders.
“Let’s get some air, kid. You and me. Where’s your coat?”
He let her lead.
Dana didn’t seem to mind taking over the cognitive functions for the both of him. She tucked his coat around his shoulders and draped a scarf around his neck. She lit a cigarette for him and held a companionable silence in the ambulance bay. She looked at him so hard she seemed to see right through him. Dennis sucked in a shuddering breath. “You okay, Whitaker?”
“I uh…I used to sleep in the hospital.” He said on an exhale. “When I didn’t have anywhere else to go. It gets cold on the eighth floor…have you been up there?” The whole long, sad, pathetic story came tumbling out before Dennis could swallow it down. If someone could dry heave with words alone, he was certainly doing it. It would have been like trying to choke back the whole Allegheny River. Dennis coughed on a drag and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry…you don’t-“
“Shut up.” Dana blew smoke towards the sky. “I’m listening.”
Dennis blinked and briefly saw his mother standing in her place.
His mother didn’t smoke.
Or listen.
He blinked again and watched Dana smile at him softly. Sadly…but softly.
She wiped her eyes a few times and frowned but kept listening without judgement. Exhaustion swept through Dennis from the knees up. The words kept coming until his mind emptied out. They stood in silence with their cigarettes for a minute.
Dana reached for his hand and squeezed hard enough to hurt, knotting their fingers together to get a better grip. She took one last drag and dropped the filter onto the pavement. She let go of his hand but took a step closer.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, Whitaker. Hey. Look here.” Her hand moved to the back of his neck. She gave his cheek a rough pat with her other hand as a few tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “We’re goddamn lucky to have you. You’re gonna be one of the good ones. I have no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna go even further than you think is possible right now. No doubt. You can take that to the bank. I’m always right.” Dennis laughed at her words and sniffed, furiously willing himself to stop crying. “Y’breaking my goddamn heart this morning. C’mere.” She pulled him into a hug and slapped his back a little too hard, like she was trying to wind a stubborn infant.
Dennis let himself be held and tried not to cling.
Robby found them just as Dennis looked up from her shoulder, wincing at the tear stains he had left on her zip up. Dana scoffed and kept patting his back.
“Hey.” Robby looked apologetic for the intrusion. “Mohan filled me in.” They must have been gone for a while now.
“Duty calls?” Dana asked with a tired sigh.
“Afraid so, warden.” Robby tried a smile. Dana groaned and stretched her arms over her head. She gave Dennis one last grounding pat on the arm. “Don’t come back in till you’re ready, kid. I’ve got my eye on you.” She pressed her pack of cigarettes and a zippo into Dennis’s hand. He examined them as she left. Their beloved charge nurse smoked Lucky Strikes with a hot pink lighter.
Robby filled her place at his side.
A siren wailed in the distance, going further away from the hospital. It was an eerie sound on such a cold, clear day. The sky was so overcast it felt closer to nine at night than noon. Fewer cars than normal zipped past their side street. Errant children were playing hooky and riding bikes gleefully in the street, crushing ice patches and gutter snow under their wheels. Fat snowflakes were starting to fall. Another round of winter storms were due.
It had been a brutal season.
The cold turned their breath to smoke and made the tears on Dennis’s face come close to freezing. He had come to like that feeling. It wasn’t the first frigid day and it wouldn’t be the last.
He felt fingers in his hair.
Dennis looked up and found Robby’s big hand brushing snow off the top of his head. The man looked bashful, like he had barely thought out the gesture. He dropped his hand to Dennis’s shoulder and walked backwards, ushering them both off the sidewalk and under the shelter of the ambulance bay overhang.
“Sorry.” Dennis mumbled again. Robby frowned.
“What for?”
“You were always doing that when I was a student. Moving me out of the way.”
Robby’s grip tightened before easing. He wordlessly went back to brushing the rest of the snow out of the younger man’s hair.
“You’re never in the way, Dennis.” The use of his first name made more than one stomach lurch. “Go home.”
“Do you…want me to?” Much to his own horror, the weeping began anew.
“Shit.” Robby’s hand spasmed uncertainly in the air before returning to Dennis’s shoulder. “You tell me. I just want you to be okay.” He croaked, throat tight with emotion.
“I just need a minute.” Dennis tried to pull away but Robby followed, taking a step forward when Dennis took a step back. A wet sob escaped the resident. He tried to wave his attending off. “They need you inside.”
“And you need me outside. Gimme one of those.” He poked at the Lucky Strikes in Dennis’s hands.
“Thought you quit.”
“Twice so far this year. We can both try again tomorrow.” Dennis lit himself a second one, hands shaking. He coughed and cried quietly and rocked from foot to foot. Robby stopped him from hitting his free hand against his head when the grief slipped abruptly towards anger. He held onto Dennis’s wrist, grip soft but unrelenting, until the tension fell out of his arm. “Where does it hurt?” Robby took a long drag and exhaled, dropping the lighter back in the shirt pocket of Dennis’s scrubs. They stood close. The conversation would stay private.
“Where?” Dennis coughed again, a thousand yard stare settling it somewhere over Robby’s shoulder.
“What’s the part that’s gonna eat away at you tonight?”
Dennis wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and tried to breathe more slowly. It didn’t work.
“Her skin…it was so fucking cold.” Robby dropped his shoulders and adjusted his posture again to catch his eyes. “I…I want to hurt whoever did that to her.” Robby palmed the side of Dennis’s head and mussed his hair. There was no more snow. This time he was touching him just to touch him.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” He tried to soothe. Robby leaned forward until he was speaking closer to Dennis’s ear. “You’re a good man. Feeling nothing at all means something is wrong, okay? I know it fucking sucks but it’s true. Feel this…don’t numb it out. Don’t forget it.”
Those words had been preached in one form or another since the first student rotation. And it was advice they both knew Robby did not follow.
Dennis exhaled again, aiming the last of his cigarette smoke down towards their feet. His forehead hit Robby’s shoulder for the briefest moment. “I got you, Whitaker.”
They scraped out their cigarettes and went back inside.
The floor felt warmer than normal. Trinity was back at her station, charting with red eyes. Dana was casually sparing a moment to braid the R2’s hair back, getting it up and out of her face. Dana still had a phone pinned between her shoulder and her cheek, unphased by her own multitasking.
“Ten minutes out, eight children ages 3 to 5 from a local pre-school. Class party gone wrong. Suspected marijuana ingestion.” She announced, placing a bobby pin and a hair tie before relinquishing Trinity.
“The fuck?” Robby genuinely stopped in his tracks. Jesse whistled. Donnie choked on a sip of his energy drink.
“Reported lethargy, visual hallucinations, nausea, vomiting, and some of the world’s most violent munchies.” She continued dryly. “What’s that?” She directed towards the dispatch caller on the phone. “Oh and two cases of respiratory distress, a third is incapacitated - but they’re all stabilizing well en route. Chop chop, though. Gonna have a lot of pissed off parents and a few more cops on our hands.”
By the time Robby had processed that information and checked the board, Dennis had re-arranged his face. He was ruddy from the cold but clear-eyed.
“Only way out is through.” He muttered, almost inaudible, more for himself than any witnesses.
“You sure?” Robby asked quietly. “You can take that broken arm case. Or spend an hour in triage…” Dennis shook his head.
“I need to work.”
Robby held out a fist. Dennis mirrored the gesture and tapped their knuckles together.
Time slipped through everyone’s fingers like water…but every child that came through the emergency room that afternoon lived.
A few hours later at least three of the little ones were still trailing around behind Perlah like baby ducks, no matter how hard she tried to send them on a mission to bother Princess and Jesse. Crayon drawings were stacked next to Dennis’s keyboard. Robby stopped short to admire a crude sketch and identified blobs of color that seemed to be Dennis, Javadi, and Mel. He put a cup of break room coffee down in front of Dennis and gave his shoulder a gentle shake.
“Good work today.”
Dennis was too tired to do much else but nod. He offered Robby a drawing, one that seemed like an abstract representation of the ER… awash in neon colors and drawn from a child’s sweet, albeit intoxicated, perspective. Robby’s stick figure portrait towered over the rest of the doctors and nurses in the scene. He cracked a grin at that.
“You should keep that one.” Dennis said.
“Only camera that’s ever taken ten pounds off of me.” He joked. It startled a grin out of Dennis, which only egged Robby on. “It’s too cold for park beers.” The attending announced, a little louder for everyone at the central hub to hear. “Drinks on my tab tonight.”
“Better not be that greasy college bar you took us to last time.” Dana teased.
“Rip Hemingways.” Mateo crossed himself and looked skyward.
“What about Fat Head’s? They make that uh…pretty girly blackberry thing you like. What’s that called? The one with the flower in it?” Robby teased. Dana leveled him with a glare over the frames of her glasses.
“You sure, big guy? Two of those pretty drinks had your ass crying at the ASPCA commercials interrupting my Steelers game.” She teased right back.
“I cry at those sober, thank you very much.” Robby scoffed, sitting down to log the rest of his charts and respond to an email.
“Same.” McKay huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Hey I’ve got the mommy wagon with me, I can take seven of you.”
“The fuck is a mommy wagon?” Dana cackled.
“Cassie with the Honda.” Donnie looked up from a tablet. “Don’t knock the hustle, Danes. Hella cupholders.”
~
Dennis could still feel the ghost of cold skin under his palms, even with Trinity’s arm around his shoulders. The overall mood around their table was relaxed and cheerful. He tried to let himself melt into it.
They all alternated between soft conversation and passively watching the football game on the bar’s flat screens. Dana cursed the Patriots and kicked Dennis’s ankle playfully under the table.
“Bet you ran a mean safety, huh kid? Am I right?” She was very kindly testing for cracks while goading him into speaking, disrupting his dissociation. He felt an overwhelming urge to fall into her arms again.
“It was just peewee.” Dennis shrugged and thumbed the damp label wrapped around the neck of his beer. “But I was a kicker. And a tight end.”
“Still got that tight end if you ask me, Huckleberry.” Trinity drew him into a half sweet, half bullying noogie until he was finally laughing.
Victoria groaned and tossed straw papers at them while Samira and McKay cackled in the booth behind them. Donnie and Mateo dropped off another round of drinks before looping back to the bar, where they had a card game going with Jesse, Emma, and Joy. Langdon and Mel were sipping mocktails and spectating as Joy hustled everyone out of their pocket money. Ogilvie was testing out Tagalog on Princess and Perlah at a table by the door. Apparently a drink evened him out a bit, at least enough for the nurses to find him amusing. Robby slid back into the booth as Dennis freed himself from Trinity’s headlock. Dana wiped tears of mirth from her eyes, thoroughly amused by their antics.
“What did I miss?” He stole the blackberry garnish off Dana’s drink and popped it in his mouth.
“Nothing.” Dennis answered too quickly. “Sports?” He asked.
“What, like…as a concept?” Robby snorted into his old fashioned.
“Robby’s got the worst softball pitch you’ve ever seen.” Dana contributed.
“I like hockey.” He deflected.
“Oooh Dr. Robby on skates?” Trinity raised an eyebrow.
“I got a picture somewhere.” Dana put her glasses on and reached for her phone. “He and my husband play on the same neighborhood pick up team.”
“Ohhh that’s not necessary.” Robby made a grab for her phone, but Dana swatted him away easily.
“What? You shy?”
“Sounds cool.” Dennis felt his cheeks heat for a reason he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Robby covered up a grin with his drink.
The conversation around them moved on.
Dana got distracted by a picture her daughter sent from a protest she was attending in Philadelphia. She looked like the proudest mother alive and it warmed Dennis head to toe. He smiled even more when Robby’s knee nudged his under the table. “I hated team sports when I was a kid but I miss it now.” Dennis admitted, between the two of them.
“They take anybody.” Robby shrugged. “Been awhile since I’ve played, honestly. Good for blowing off steam though. I could stand to pick it up again…” Robby cleared his throat, suddenly embarrassed by his own ramble. “I’ll text you the details, if you ever wanna join. They do tryouts like once a month.”
“You might have to show me the ropes.” Dennis took another sip off the top of his beer. “I’ve only ever watched it on TV.”
“Please.” Robby scoffed. “You look like you could skate circles around me.”
“Is that a compliment, boss?”
“Oh here we go!” Dana crowed victoriously. “Look how handsomeee!” She layed on the sisterly teasing even harder than usual, showing off pictures of Robby in his amateur kit. The man in question turned red from the hairline down.
“You’re cut off.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and tried not to jump when Dennis leaned in closer to get a better look. “And you’re fired actually, now that I think about it.”
“Someone’s flirty tonight.” She winked. “Alright, I’ve had my fun. Think I can go toe to toe with Joy for the cash pot over there?”
“Last time you won a hand of Texas Hold ‘Em there was a Bush in office.”
“Bastard.” She remarked dryly, giving Robby’s cheek an affectionate smack with the back of her hand as she stood up. Joy looked utterly delighted to have a new challenger.
Victoria made a frame with her thumbs and pointer fingers, looking at Trinity and Dennis and then Robby and Dana like a movie director might.
“Oh I see it.” McKay giggled. Trinity cackled when she caught on.
“Oh my god.”
Dennis didn’t hear any of it. He was far too busy listening to Robby fumble through an explanation of poker variations.
“So blackjack isn’t poker…?” He clarified.
“Jesus kid, what did you bet on in college?”
“Normal stuff. Mutton busting. The 4H showcases…”
“Mutton what?”
~
“Hey. You…”
“Hey. Me.” Robby looked up from the chart he was reviewing.
“Can I uh…talk to you real quick?” Dennis inclined his head towards the hallway with the scrub dispenser. Robby stood and found himself being led around a few corners and towards a quieter stretch of hall by the freight elevators. “Just wanted to say sorry…again. But also thank you?”
“You look better. You feeling okay?” Robby asked, keeping his voice low. It had been a few weeks since the child died…since Dana suggested he keep a closer eye on their intern. She had a cryptic expression when she recommended it, like she knew something Robby didn’t.
“I think so. I talked to Kiara some.” His hands started to fidget, adjusting his watch band even though it didn’t need adjusting.
“Good.”
“I found out some things and I…didn’t really have anyone else to tell. Trinity can’t talk about it yet and Samira’s so stressed…” Robby crossed his arms and leaned against the wall like they had all the time in the world. Dennis nodded, quietly appreciative. “Her name was Alice. She was supposed to be living in a group home on the North Side. Bad situation. Under investigation now. But Kiara was able to track down an older cousin…she’s 21, just aged out of the foster system herself. We talked to her on the phone together…”
Dennis talked about Alice for several minutes straight, almost without breathing. She drew comics and loved superhero stories. She hated summer and loved fall. She was a terrible texter but loved long phone calls. She called her cousin every Friday night, even when they were fighting and furious with each other. She was a good kid. The greatest kid on earth, from her cousin’s grieving point of view. Dennis had already sent the money for the cremation. Kiara made arrangements for it to come across as an “anonymous donation” through some of her personal contacts.
Dennis took a deep shuddering breath.
“Amazing.” Robby praised, blinking rapidly in an attempt to remain the stoic and strong one in the interaction. The fast talking doctor in front of him was a far cry from the sweaty student he had clumsily comforted over a patient death a few calendar months ago.
“I still feel it.” Dennis flexed his hands. The cold. The skin. Robby suppressed a sympathetic shiver. “I think…I just need it to be summer.” He finished wryly.
“Have I mentioned that we’re lucky to have you, yet?” Robby rubbed the back of his own neck. “You bring a big heart to this. I get the sense that uh…without you, we’d be kind of fucked.”
The words had echos of a memory. Dennis gave him a wobbly smile.
“Back atcha, boss.” They nodded, suddenly unable to meet each other’s gaze. The back of Dennis’s hand brushed Robby’s as he left…a failure of a fist bump and an accidental caress. The pressure was so soft it was barely there.
Robby found himself flexing his hand on his way back to his desk, fingers twitching as if burned.
~
Robby sweat clean through his scrub top after swapping back and forth between three resuscitations, delivering compressions and directing staff in tandem with Samira.
Dennis materialized at his side with a clean shirt and a concerned expression.
“You should sit down.” He said, just as Robby realized he was light headed. Princess tossed a water bottle. Dennis caught it in mid air before dropping it on the desk in front of Robby.
“Nothing escapes my bloodhound.” Dana snickered. Robby chugged half the bottle in one go and tried to forget the way his body encoded Dennis Whitaker’s touch as something soothing. He watched the younger man jog after Samira, taking her directions and executing them without question.
~
“Was that your stomach?” Robby tried not to grin as they left the patient’s bedside.
“Maybe.” Dennis wrinkled his nose with embarrassment.
“Could hear a fucking echo in there, kid. Go. Eat. I’ll cover your patients.” Robby gave his shoulder a push. Dennis hesitated, evidently torn. They were as busy as ever.
“Two minutes...”
“Five.” Robby waved him off. “Chew.”
“How generous.” They both laughed at that.
~
Robby’s eyes were red rimmed as he headed towards the parking garage. Usually meetings with Gloria fired him up, but this one seemed especially designed to hurt what few feelings he had left after a double shift.
He nearly collided with Dennis as he slipped out a side door. The startled intern dropped his cigarette. Robby’s sluggish brain idly clocked the lighter in his hand. It was the same hot pink zippo Dana had given him awhile back. The wind was cold but the snow had melted. Spring was on its way.
The urge to laugh and cry at the same time hit like a punch to Robby’s chest.
“Sorry…shit. Sorry.” Robby let the door slam shut. Dennis chuckled, hands shaky. He stomped the remains of the cigarette out instead of retrieving it.
“I’m supposed to be quitting anyway.” Dennis cleared his throat. “You okay?”
“Am I ever?” Robby intended for it to be a joke. It came out like a cry for help. “You uh…need a ride?”
“No.” Dennis was looking at him a little too closely. Robby felt his skin crawl. He wanted to run away. He wanted to grab the sweet, beautiful man in front of him and- “Do you ever let people buy you drinks, boss?”
“Only when Jack steals my wallet.” Robby rubbed a hand over his beard. “Probably shouldn’t drink when I’m like this.”
“Like what?”
“Mad.”
“I’ll walk you to your car.” Dennis said, firm despite the oddness of the offering.
“What?”
“I’d offer to stay until you weren’t mad anymore, but I don’t think you’d take me up on it.” Dennis shrugged.
“Yeah…” Robby allowed himself a self deprecating chuckle. “Probably not.”
Dennis picked up his own backpack and led the way, rambling about the new EM:RAP podcast episode he had listened to that morning - intentionally info dumping in that way that didn’t require Robby to talk or think or contribute.
It was nice to be included in someone’s inner world in that way.
“Get in. Put your address in.” Robby returned the offering, handing over his phone once they were seated in his truck. Dennis smiled a little.
“Not annoyed yet?”
“Nah.” Robby smiled back. “Did they mention that paper everyone’s talking about? That study out of Sloan Kettering?”
He ended up missing a turn and added an extra ten minutes to their route. The truck idled on the curb for another fifteen as they kept on talking.
“I’m gonna say something dumb and then I’ll shut up.” Dennis paused to draw a breath. The street was dark. Night had fallen fast and thick. The interior of the truck cab was cloaked in shadows. Robby only got brief looks at him in the halos of passing headlights. “I stopped praying the year I got into medical school.” Dennis reached for his backpack and put it on his knees, preparing to get out. “But then I heard you pray during PittFest…it’s sort of been coming back to me again in bits and pieces since then.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know if anyone’s up there listening to me anymore…but I ask the universe for peace, I guess…for all of us. For you, too.”
“I uh...” Robby had to drag his sleeve across his eyes. The quiet that fell over them was…warm. And peaceful. “Thank you.”
“I believe in you. And the way you lead medicine here. Probably doesn’t like…help or anything but…I’m here. If you need me…”
“Contractually.” Robby teased, swallowing down a retort and a swear and a sob.
“Yeah. You’re stuck.” Dennis acknowledged. “You got a few years left of my bullshit.”
“I…value your opinion. Truly.” Robby tread carefully. They had been dancing around Pittfest for weeks now. Months. They couldn’t talk about it. They wouldn’t. Robby sucked in a breath. “Feels like I’m learning a thing or two from you too.”
Dennis held out a hand over the gear shift. Robby completed the fist bump, but neither of them pulled away. A rush of emotion and a misfire in the synapses devoted to making Robby act like a normal fucking person had him reaching, searching for the pulse in the younger man’s wrist. He pushed a finger under Dennis’s watch band and felt his stomach lurch.
Dennis was smiling at him, allowing the touch, looking pleasantly surprised. “You still coming to hockey tryouts this weekend?” Robby got out, voice hoarse as he desperately tried to claw back some control.
“Yeah.” Dennis grinned. “That might get a laugh out of you, at least.” The pulse in his wrist started to move more quickly. Robby slowly withdrew his hand.
“I’ll uh…see you at the rink then.”
“Yeah. See you.”
Dennis got the door open.
“What do your prayers sound like?” Robby blurted out. “I’ve heard Dana recite some stuff, but she’s Catholic so…”
“Lotta memorization in those churches.” Dennis laughed, standing on the pavement with the door open. He shouldered his backpack. “Not quite my style.”
“Yours sound more meditative than that.”
“For me, it is. Right now at least.” He shrugged. “In my church growing up we used to do something called passing the peace. You shake hands and say a few words.” He held a hand out. Robby grasped it. Squeezed. They shook hands almost like normal people, but they didn’t let go. “It’s whatever comes to mind. Right now for me, it’s the book of Isaiah…” Dennis pressed his thumb to the back of Robby’s hand and drew a gentle circle. “Go out with joy. Be led forth with peace. The mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you. All the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
Robby found himself squeezing again. Clinging.
“Kind of familiar. We would say something like…you should lead us in peace, direct our steps in peace, and guide us in peace, and support us in peace…cause us to reach our destination in life, joy, and peace.” Robby repeated it in Hebrew, the snatches and phrases from the tefilat haderech activating on his tongue like a sweet memory.
The last time Robby let someone pray over him, his grandmother had been the one doing it…she held his head between her hands and murmured prayers for peace after he finished packing his first shitbox of a car for his big college move in weekend.
In the next flash of light from passing car headlights he could see Dennis crying quietly, but not unhappily. The silence was heavy, but it wasn’t awkward.
“Thank you.”
“No uh…thank you.”
They let each other go slowly.
~
“Nice save, Whitaker.”
“Thanks, boss.” They traded a high five and an elbow bump over a particularly bloody victim as Garcia directed the OR transport. “What’s next?”
~
They were alone in Robby’s kitchen tonight and it was a horrific idea.
The friendly staff potluck had ended thirty minutes ago and the last of the guests had left around the same time…aside from Dennis of course, whose genetic code seemed evolutionarily opposed to leaving without washing the dishes.
Dennis tried to take his time. He was savoring the moment, listening to Robby pack barbecue leftovers into the fridge and complain about the massive tub of potato salad Dana had left him with. His heart was beating a little too fast. Some late night talk show was playing on the TV in the living room and the musical guest was playing something soft and soothing.
Dennis knew the minute he dried his hands he was going to try to kiss his boss.
Everything would change.
He’d dry his hands and kiss his boss and probably lose his job in the morning…Trinity would be so pissed he might need to find another place to spend the night and-
Dennis turned to reach for a dish towel at the same time Robby touched his cheek.
The first kiss was a collision, mouths pressed too closely to move. The dish towel landed on the floor between their feet.
“Shit. Hold on.” Dennis laughed, raggedly gasping for breath. Robby palmed his cheek again and held him close. He tilted his head, eyes wide with shock from his own initiative. Dennis stepped forward and crowded him against the fridge, pressing them together from the chest down. “Do it again.” Dennis curled his fingers in Robby’s flannel shirt and tugged. “Please.” His thumbs pressed into the thin shirt Robby was wearing underneath and the heat seared right down into his skin.
The next kiss had Robby shivering and Dennis groaning softly in the back of his throat. It was almost chaste…a brief, soft touch. Dennis kissed his chin and the corner of his mouth before taking a resolute breath. Their mouthes fell open in the next kiss, hot and greedy, 0 to 100 in under sixty seconds.
“Fuck.” Robby pressed his thumb to the younger man’s lower lip and tugged it down so he could lick into his mouth and taste. Dennis shoved their bodies together, attempting to get even closer but only succeeding in knocking the wind out of them both.
“More.” Dennis mumbled against his lips, breathing hard. Robby obeyed, helpless to resist. “Yes…” Dennis fit his mouth under the hinge of Robby’s jaw and pressed his teeth into his skin.
“Fuck.” Robby repeated, bending forward to kiss across Dennis’s shoulder. He got a hand in the other man’s curls and tugged his head back, dislodging the bite so he could kiss and lick his way up the younger man’s throat. Dennis gasped. Robby’s mouth was loud and desperate sounding in the quiet kitchen. He zeroed in and sucked a mark at the base of Dennis’s throat before biting at his jaw and claiming his mouth again.
“Yes, yes, yes. Ah-“ Dennis lost himself in it. The air between them felt humid and thick as the kisses only got deeper and wetter.
“Mm. Hold on.” Robby mumbled, carding both hands through Dennis’s hair as he panted against his cheek. Dennis chased his mouth, apparently unsatisfied. He gave Robby’s lower lip an almost petulant bite but soon found himself pinned to the kitchen island with a big warm hand pressed to his mouth in retaliation. Robby blinked. His pupils were blown. Dennis felt a bead of sweat race down his back as Robby’s brow touched his own. The older man bit the inside of his cheek.
“I want you.” Dennis murmured, words muffled against Robby’s palm. Robby winced and moved his hand, sliding his fingers down Dennis’s jaw but keeping a thumb on this chin to maintain the separation.
“You can’t...”
“I can.” He tucked his chin and kissed the base of Robby’s thumb. Dennis let his hands wander. He seized Robby’s waist and squeezed. He palmed one hip, slid his fingers into a belt loop and pulled at the same time he pushed his hips up, forcing Robby to contend with the hardness starting to grow in the younger man’s jeans. “And I will.”
Robby’s eyes grew wet as he tried to hold back a rip tide of emotions. He kissed Dennis on the forehead, then the temple. Every inch of his body seemed to shake. Dennis tilted his face up and hummed encouragingly as Robby kissed softly across his cheek. Their eyes met again.
Dennis raised an eyebrow and bit his lip. Robby watched his mouth move. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly.
They dove into each other again…sucking, licking, tasting, biting. Couch cushions broke their fall a minute later.
Robby clung to Dennis and hauled him into lap. He grabbed his thighs hard enough to hurt while moaning against his throat. He kissed down Dennis’s chest through his shirt, biting at his sternum and then a nipple through the fabric, movements increasingly sloppy and heated. Dennis managed to wrangle the fly of Robby’s jeans open, pushing the band of his boxers down just far enough to run a finger over the weeping head of his flushed cock. He was hot to the touch. Robby leaned back to watch, unblinking.
“Jesus Christ, Whitaker...”
Dennis knocked his forehead against the side of Robby’s head so he could say the word against his ear.
“Please.” He ripped opened his own jeans and pressed Robby’s hands to the wet spot on his briefs. He was painfully hard and couldn’t stop himself from pushing into the warmth of the older man’s palm. “I need you.”
Robby choked on a sob against Dennis’s shoulder, hiding his face away again.
“Oh my fucking god.” He tugged the underwear down and let it snap roughly into place behind Dennis’s balls so he could get his hand around the shaft.
“Tighter…yeah yeah yeah, like that.” Dennis muttered.
They handled each other roughly. Dennis pushed Robby’s head back against the sofa so he could see him. Robby spat into his hand. He touched Dennis a bit too hard and a bit too fast but it made the younger man choke on air.
“You want this?” Robby’s eyes were glassy. Dennis seized his face and bullied his tongue into his mouth again, pressing deeper than was expressly polite. He thrust his hips into Robby’s grip and came up for air, sucking hard on Robby’s lower lip before he found his words again.
“Yeah.” His eyes screwed shut. His hips stuttered. He reached down to still Robby’s hand, pulling himself away from the edge of an orgasm. “I want to make you feel good.” Robby appeared speechless. He swallowed hard and gripped Dennis’s hips in both hands as they kissed. Dennis combed his fingers through Robby’s beard and palmed his chest. He squeezed his shoulders and biceps and moaned happily as they rocked against each other, Dennis’s cock deliciously heavy against Robby’s stomach.
“I want to make you feel good.” Robby repeated back to him. Dennis smiled and slid backwards, settling on the floor between Robby’s knees. “Jesus fuck.” He held eye contact while sucking Robby down, drool leaking from the corner of his mouth like he had been salivating for this from the start.
The wet velvety heat, the devotion, the twitch of an elbow in Robby’s peripheral vision that confirmed Dennis was frantically fisting his own cock. “Dennis…” Robby doubled over. His brow nearly crashing against the other man’s back. He couldn’t breathe. He kissed curls of soft hair and panted heavily against the younger man’s shoulder blade. “I’m…” Robby tried to pull him off but Dennis pawed at his thighs and swallowed hard, tucking himself closer and more firmly between Robby’s legs. He got a hand up and cupped the back of Robby’s neck as if to comfort him.
What else could Robby do but cradle either side of Dennis Whitaker’s jaw in hands and cum down his throat?
~
Robby’s vision blurred.
He was drunk with it.
He pushed his favorite resident up against the wall of his bedroom and knelt down in front of him. His joints cracked and complained but the pain only spurred him forward. Everything felt so fucking good.
“I’ve never-”
“Don’t care. Touch me.”
~
Dennis was pale. His arms, face, and shoulders had tanned a bit in the Pennsylvania summer sun but his thighs, soft belly, and chest took on a luminous quality in the lamp light.
He stood next to Robby’s bed as he toweled off his hair.
“I can go.” He swallowed, seemingly self conscious under Robby’s gaze.
“Hmm.” Robby pressed his mouth to the soft looking skin above Dennis’s naval as he sat on the edge of the bed, his own skin still damp from their shared shower. He reverently kissed down the curls of the younger man’s happy trail and let his lips caress the base of his soft cock. The adrenaline zaps that raced down his spine were still screaming new, new, new. Dennis gasped at the touch of his beard and tongue. “Stay here.” Robby whispered against his hip. He kissed over a scar and a smattering of freckles and an oddly shaped birthmark.
Dennis tilted Robby’s chin up. His smile was soft and a little nervous. Robby found himself mirroring it. They couldn’t quite meet each other’s eyes. Dennis rubbed his thumb over smile lines and crow’s feet, caressing them fondly. Robby reached for the lamp on the night stand and extinguished the light. The truth spilled out in the dark. They got into bed and laid chest to chest on their sides, sharing warmth. “You’re gorgeous.” Robby murmured, still half intoxicated on endorphins.
He brushed his lips across a cool collarbone and felt goosebumps prickle on the arm wrapped around his neck. Dennis laughed lightly, pleased but bashful. Robby felt the way his giggles rumbled as he kissed the base of the man’s throat, tonguing a few hickies he had left behind.
“Hold on.” Dennis squirmed. The beard must have tickled him. Robby chased the breathy laughter back to his mouth and kissed him again. “Unfair.” Dennis groaned, pressing his lips to Robby’s shoulder while sweeping a hand up and down his back. He used his hips and a particularly strong leg to bully Robby onto his back. He hovered over him on an elbow.
“What’s unfair?” Robby reached up and let himself twirl a few curls around his fingers. The longer hair really suited the man. Dennis leaned into the touch, smooshing a cheek into Robby’s palm.
“I wanted to make you cum again…but the whiskey is kicking in.” He leaned down to kiss Robby gently. They both had more than a few drinks at the party earlier...one round alone was probably a miracle in these conditions. “And I’m too tired. And nervous.”
“Nervous?”
“Jittery.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“No, of course not.” Dennis turned and pressed his mouth against Robby’s hand, mimicking the firm gesture Robby had used to separate them a mere hour ago. Robby put some pressure on his cheeks, a gentle squeeze. “You feel so good.” Dennis mumbled. “Too good.” Robby released his face and felt around for his hand. He routed two fingers to the pulse point hammering against his skin from within. “Yeah.” Dennis stroked his neck before mirroring the gesture, leading Robby’s fingers to his pulse.
They matched.
Robby cupped the back of Dennis’s neck and tugged until he felt his head come to rest on his chest. Dennis sagged against him almost immediately, lying on top of him like he belonged there.
“I didn’t exactly give you a five star experience tonight.” Robby decided, clearing his throat nervously. “I’ll make it up to you.” He let a hand slide promisingly over Dennis’s lower back. The younger man’s breath was soft on his neck. He rubbed his cheek against Robby’s pectoral before closing his eyes and luxuriating in the soft massage Robby started along his spine.
“You’re so warm.” He mumbled sleepily.
They basked in the moment without interrogating it. Robby fell asleep faster than he could recall in recent memory.
~
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“You okay?”
“No.” Dennis continued to hunch over the sink, letting the tap run on its highest setting in an attempt to stifle the noise. Robby twisted the lock on the door, sealing them off from the hospital. It was a family bathroom on the fourth floor, so they had a few minutes before someone would need the room.
Dennis braced his elbows on the sink so he could press the heels of his hands against his eyes. Robby took a slow step forward and rested a hand on his back. The panic attack passed with a few more rattling, shuddering breaths and one last dry heave. Robby wet a paper towel under the tap and touched it to the back of the younger man’s neck, kindly siphoning away some of the heat from his skin. He waited patiently. Dennis splashed water on his face and dried off with another stiff paper towel, blowing his nose into it before pitching it towards the trash. “Fuck.” He mumbled, pushing himself up to stand. His back hit Robby’s chest. His shoulders felt rigid. Robby palmed both of them and squeezed gently as Dennis caught his breath. He peeled the paper towel off the back of his neck and dabbed sweat away from his hairline.
“Better?” He asked, tossing the crumpled remains of the paper away.
Dennis nodded weakly. Robby let his hands slide down the man’s biceps, continuing to squeeze firmly. He grabbed his waist and pulled him closer before sliding a hand up and around to spread flat against the younger man’s chest. Dennis exhaled through his mouth and emptied his lungs in one sharp gust. Robby watched him in the mirror, zeroing in on his wet eyes and flushed cheeks and the way he grasped Robby’s wrist for comfort. Dennis pressed Robby’s hand more firmly to his chest. “You can do it.”
“How long was I gone?”
“Five minutes.”
“Shit.”
“Shut up, Whitaker.” Robby dropped his forehead to the back of the other man’s head, taking a moment to breathe him in. “You’re almost there. One hour left till hand off. Just breathe.” Dennis nodded again, leaning into the warm broad chest at his back. They spent another self indulgent minute like that. Dennis gently dislodged Robby’s hand and tugged him towards the door.
~
“Okay. Close your eyes.” Dennis directed. He opened a new tub of Ponds and started to apply it to the wind burn on Robby’s cheeks. A morning full of ambulances and a wrathful storm had left them both ruffled and rough around the edges. Robby was slouched in the corner of the couch, a glass of bourbon dangling precariously from his left hand. Dennis pressed a knee to the cushions between Robby’s thighs to lean over him.
“I think my grandmother used to use that.” Robby cracked an eye open. “Smells like her.”
“My mom never left the house with it. Or Vaseline. Or Vicks. Guess she trusted ointments second to god.” Dennis joked.
“I’ve always thought they should make more medicines in gel form. Would make our jobs a hell of a lot easier.”
Dennis huffed out a laugh. Robby looked pleased with himself. He curled a few fingers in the younger man’s pant leg. The sweatpants had been pilfered from Robby’s drawer.
“Does your doctor have to hide your pills in little pieces of ham?” Dennis teased. Robby sputtered on a sip of his drink. He offered the glass to Dennis, who took a drink without taking the glass from Robby’s hand so he could keep applying the skincare. Robby tilted a second mouthful past the other man’s lips and grinned at the face Dennis pulled when the burn hit his throat.
“Cheese usually works just fine for me, thank you.” They shared a laugh.
“Alright.” Dennis dabbed excess product away from Robby’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I think you’ll survive the night.”
“Thank you, doctor.” He hooked an arm around the other man’s thigh and tugged him into his lap.
~
“Do you always sleep with the TV on?” The question was soft and nonjudgemental, but Robby tensed momentarily. A soft kiss on the nape of his neck settled him.
“More often than I should.” He acknowledged, letting himself drift in the soft blue state between sleep and awake. The haze of the TV screen on top of his dresser painted the room in soft pale lights. He braced for the inevitable…for this evening’s companion to get dressed and leave or ask him to turn it off. Dennis laughed lightly and cuddled up closer to Robby’s back, sliding an arm around his waist as he kissed the back of his neck again. A knee pushed its way between Robby’s. He tried not to jolt at the sensation of being ensconced. It wasn’t often he found himself held instead of holding.
“I used to love this show.” Dennis murmured quietly, voice soft in Robby’s ear. The familiar narration on How It’s Made was currently walking them through the pink brick erasers kids used in school. “When we had substitute teachers in school we’d watch this all day.”
“Helps me sleep.” Robby whispered back, pressing his face into the pillow.
“Hmm.” Dennis acknowledged sleepily. “College was the first time I ever had a mattress to myself.” His fingers lazily traced the outline of the star resting between Robby’s chest. “I used to dream about it. But the minute I got it, I hated it. I used to call my mom or one of my sister in laws and ask them to just leave the phone on speaker while they put the kids to bed. Kind of embarrassing, now that I think about it.”
“Not at all.” Robby stroked the back of the hand playing with his chain. It was easy enough to picture the other man piled under a rotating throng of brothers and nieces and nephews as years passed by; a pack animal by birth. “You can turn it off if you want.” He offered.
“Nah.” Dennis mouthed sleepily at the crook of Robby’s neck, too tired to kiss properly. “M’fine.”
When the alarm went off a few hours later the early morning newscasters were taking over. They were unusually well rested, despite the mere handful of hours they had managed to steal.
~
Maybe it was the lighting in the break room, but Dennis seemed a shade tanner than normal. Robby thumbed a flush on his arm that might have been the start of a sunburn. Dennis spared a glance towards the door but laughed and continued making coffee for the both of them.
“How’s the farm?” Robby asked gently. Dennis swore under his breath. Trinity and her mouth…
“Corn is coming in strong. Should be a good harvest.” He said bashfully.
“It’s crazy that you can just…” Robby gestured vaguely towards his temple. “Be a doctor and know all that too.” Dennis smiled, privately pleased by the clumsy compliment.
“Well. I don’t have to think about farming quite as hard.” Dennis filled Robby’s coffee mug and added a slug of creamer before plugging the top of the thermos back in and passing it to him.
Robby surprised him. He took his coffee and dropped a kiss on Dennis’s shoulder, backing a safe distance away just as Joy and Ogilvie spilled into the room looking for an attending.
~
Dennis woke to the sound of swearing, coughing, and dry heaving. A bleary glance around the room confirmed he was 1) in Robby’s bed, 2) missing his aforementioned Robby, and 3) he had collapsed on top of the covers in his scrubs again.
Yuck.
The horrible sounds that woke him up were coming from the en suite. Dennis kicked his shoes off, rolled off the bed, and headed that way. Robby was pressed against the wall between the tub and the toilet, down on the floor with his head in his hands. Dennis knelt down, very gently pressed his lips to a sweaty tear stained temple, and stood up again. Robby sighed raggedly. He spat one more time into the toilet bowl and flushed it as Dennis cranked the shower knobs to life.
Dennis shed his scrubs. Robby brushed his teeth and kicked his way out of his pajamas. They met in the middle under the shower spray.
“Fever?” Dennis asked, wincing as he tried to work out a kink in his neck. He must have fallen asleep with his head propped on Robby’s leg again.
“Don’t think so.” Robby caught the other man’s face in his hands and pressed a long kiss to his forehead. Dennis let his shoulders drop. The pain creeping up the top of his spine began to dull. “Just a bad dream.”
“Scare yah?”
“Stressed me the fuck out, I guess.”
“Hate those.” Dennis commiserated, leaning up to wrap his arms around the older man’s neck. Robby dropped a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. He leaned back and squinted down at Dennis.
“Did you fall asleep with your shoes on again?” Robby frowned, the details of his rude awakening beginning to return to him.
“Wasn’t sleeping… just resting my eyes for my minute.” Dennis mumbled unconvincingly, sagging slightly in the embrace as he hid his face in Robby’s neck. The only sign that he was still awake a minute later was the way his fingers pet through Robby’s hair.
“C’mon. Wash the hospital off.” Robby encouraged him, dipping down to kiss the crook of his neck. “Did you eat?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Are you lying?”
“A little.” Dennis sighed, leaning back to look at Robby in the eyes despite his own heavy eyelids. “Wanna talk about the dream?”
“Not really.”
“S’okay.”
They both crammed down a few saltines and a slice of cheese before falling back into bed.
~
“Oh shit…fuck…goddamn it…” Robby wrapped a hand around himself as Dennis slid inside of him, inching in with smooth roles of his hips and shaky gasps. His breath fell in hot pants against Robby’s chest.
“Robby-“ Dennis let his eyes slam closed. “Shut up a minute.”
The pained tenor in his voice startled Robby’s attention away from the delicious sensations building between his legs.
“Pardon?”
“Quiet”
“Are you-?”
“Shhh.”
Robby couldn’t help but laugh, tilting Dennis’s chin up at the same time he craned forward; performing half a sit up to kiss the younger man.
Dennis seemed to relish the opportunity. He surged forward, sucked on Robby’s tongue, and pushed his hips forward with a more confident thrust.
Robby left a few deep scratches in Dennis’s shoulder blades as the thrusts started to take consistent aim on a particularly delicious spot. There was a man and he was inside of him and Robby was about to cum harder than he had in over fifty years of living.
“Yeah yeah yeah.” Robby chanted huskily. “God you’re so fucking deep…” Dennis whined against his lips and pinned the older man to the mattress again. Robby kept kissing him, lapping at his mouth with progressively less finesse. “Harder.” He choked out, biting Dennis on the chin.
“Robby-“ Dennis’s chest heaved. His hips picked up the pace. He slapped the older man’s hand aside and gripped his cock, rearing back on his haunches to let a dribble of spit fall from his mouth down to the tip of Robby’s dick.
“Look at you…”
“If you don’t stop fucking talking I’m gonna cum inside you.” Dennis gasped, stripping Robby’s cock like he’d die if the other man didn’t finish first.
Robby bit down on his own lip until something sharp and metallic bloomed on his tongue. He braced one hand on the headboard and let the other smooth over Dennis’s abdomen. Firm muscles flexed and contracted over a heaving diaphragm. Robby let his fingers trail down to where they were joined. His thighs began to ache and spasm.
“Don’t act like you don’t want to...” He tugged on a curl of Dennis’s thick pubic hair.
“FUCK-“ Dennis slapped a hand over Robby’s mouth but it was no use. He only managed a few more thrusts before his orgasm hit.
Robby moaned, licking and sucking and biting at the palm sealed over his mouth. Dennis lapped and mouthed at his nipple and kept stroking his cock. Robby came slowly but no less hard than expected…it knocked the wind out of him like a punch. They shuddered in each others arms long after Dennis pulled out.
~
“What is this?” Dennis inspected the pot on Robby’s stove.
“Goulash. Nothing fancy.” Robby passed him a bowl.
“Best thing I’ve smelled all week.” Dennis let the steam cloud his face for a moment before reaching for a ladle.
~
Robby stuck a thumb in Dennis’s mouth and got a firm grip on his cheek. He used it to tug his head to the side and lick a long stripe up his throat. He felt the younger man swallow, he tasted the vibrations of his soft moan.
Dennis bit down playfully on the knuckle in his mouth and let his hands slide under Robby’s tee shirt, caressing his sides as they stumbled and collapsed in a heap on the couch.
“Fuck yeah, baby.” Dennis murmured hungrily, spreading his legs and moaning as Robby tried his best to fuck him through their scrubs.
~
“Some time away might be good for you.” Dennis said cautiously, still taking in the details of Robby’s long anxious ramble about taking a sabbatical and getting out of dodge for awhile. He pulled one of Robby’s hoodies over his head as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I guess I just wonder why you sound so nervous.”
Robby sighed deeply, cracking his knuckles as he leaned on the door frame that separated the bedroom from the en-suite.
“I care about what you think.” He admitted. “And I don’t want you to think it’s your fault...” The truth stunned them both into silence for a minute. Dennis smiled and shrugged.
“Will you come back?”
Once upon a time, he might have not.
“Yeah.” Robby nodded.
“I used to collect postcards when I was a kid. Maybe you can send me some new ones.”
Robby sat on the edge of the bed, close enough to press their knees together.
“You could come too.” He said softly, hating himself for the desperate clinging edge to in his voice. Dennis appeared moved. He leaned in and kissed Robby softly.
“I think I need to stay.” Robby kissed him right back. It was a dangerous dream. Silly, even. The ink on Dennis’s residency paperwork was barely dry. Even short week long vacations would be a pipe dream for awhile. Their respective visions blurred with the weight of it all. “I can wait. I don’t mind.” Robby kissed the contemplative furrow between his eyebrows.
“It won’t be tomorrow or anything. I’ll need a few months to get it all together.” Robby cleared his throat. Dennis gave him a playful push and swung a leg over his hips, manhandling the older man beneath him on the mattress.
“Life is short. You work too much.” He trailed a few fingers down Robby’s chest and watched him inhale sharply. “Set a good example for me.”
~
There were certain things Robby was still getting used to. Sliding a hand down a flat chest. Holding his wrist at a different angle while pressing fingers inside someone. Taking more time. Using more lube. Re-learning oral. Kissing a face with stubble in the morning. Tasting cologne instead of perfume on his tongue. Lower toned, huskier dirty talk in his ear. Given that these things elicited more excitement than anything was probably a good sign.
Some things remained the same.
He was still a chest guy. Dennis made the prettiest sounds when Robby spared a few minutes to tease his nipples. Laying his head over the younger man’s heart when they rested together in bed or on the couch was deeply soothing. He had dozed off that way more than once, breath and blood pumping against his ear with fingers in his hair.
He still preferred touch to talk. He still drank a little too much. Neither of them got around to quitting cigarettes for very long.
None of it was safe, but it sure was warm.
~
Robby pressed his lips to a soft cheek and pushed shampoo through Dennis’s curls, scratching at his scalp until the man sighed happily and leaned heavily against his chest.
“Thank you.” He murmured, tilting his chin up. Robby kissed his lips and laughed lightly as a few bubbles of soap trickled down Dennis’s cheeks and got in their mouthes.
~
“Okay, watch this.” Dennis transferred the dough with confidence, tucking it into the Dutch oven as easy as anything. Robby had forgotten he owned the damn crockery they were working with. Dennis picked up the fresh razor he had nipped from Robby’s shaving kit and began swiping a pattern into the top of the loaf. The top laters separated into artistic, almost floral spirals.
Robby watched intently. Dennis put the razor down, brushed flour off his hands, and smiled shyly. “Easy.” He shrugged. When he looked up at Robby he squinted. “Now how did you…” He brushed flour out of Robby’s beard.
“You keep clapping your hands more than is expressly necessary.” Robby huffed, running a finger over the very dusty counter top…drawing attention to the very flour coated kitchen around them.
“Oh.” Dennis cracked a grin before schooling his features. “I mean, excuse you. Who’s the chef here?”
“I’d wager neither of us, Jackson Pollock.”
“You are so fucking annoying.” Dennis grumbled, pulling on Robby’s beard until he was in range for a kiss. Robby let Dennis bite him. A pleasurable shiver raced down his spine. He kissed Robby on the cheek a little more sweetly before taking the bread loaf to the oven.
~
Dennis didn’t call. He was a texter. He would go as far as holding onto a thought overnight and waiting until the next time they saw each other if it felt too big or too long for a text…which was saying something, because sometimes Robby woke up to multiple paragraphs of clinical questions or just plain filth that he’d carry with him into the morning shower.
So when Robby’s phone rang on a Saturday night his stomach sank like a stone. He dropped the book he had reading and picked it the call up gingerly, like it might bite him
“Whitaker.” He answered proprietarily, just in case there was an audience on the other end of the line.
“Robby.” The voice that slid through the call was soft with stress. “Can you pick me up?” The words were slurred, one sliding into the other. Robby’s keys were already in his hand.
“Where are you?”
“Butterjoint…that dumb fancy bar in Oakland.”
“Are you on your own?”
“Yeah. Went out with Joy and Emma. Put them in an Uber a few minutes ago. My phone’s about to die.”
“I’ll be there in ten. Save your battery.”
“No, stay on.” There was a tightness to the request. It sounded like he was holding back tears.
“Okay.” Robby rushed himself, kicking off his sweats and yanking on some jeans. “I’m here. You’re okay.”
“I’m too drunk.” Dennis sniffed. “And I made myself sad. It’s stupid.”
“I’m walking out the door right now.” Robby cleared his throat. “I’m coming.”
Dennis’s phone died a few minutes later, but Robby found him standing on the curb outside of the restaurant without issue. One rolling stop later and he was safe inside.
Robby reached over the console and grabbed his thigh on impulse. Dennis sighed tiredly. He scooped Robby’s hand up and drew his knuckles up to his lips like it was the most normal thing in the world. Robby cleared his throat again. “Home? Or mine.”
“With you. Garcia is over.”
“Ah. Heard.”
“I like to pretend I haven’t, actually.”
They shared a little laugh at the lame joke. His words weren’t quite as slurred. Robby thought about taking his hand back but Dennis threaded their fingers together and pressed his face to Robby’s bicep with a ragged sigh. He leaned over the console a little further so Dennis wouldn’t have to stretch as far.
“Did something happen?”
“Nah. The week just caught up with me.”
“You sure?”
“Mmhmm. Didn’t sleep good enough last night.” They pulled up to a red light. Robby squeezed his hand and dropped a kiss on the top of the other man’s head.
“Hmm. Was Yo-yo over last night too?”
“No. Amy needed some help, last minute. Baby was colicky. I was worried.”
“I’m sorry. Any better today?”
“Yeah. Out of the woods.” Dennis allowed himself a yawn.
He didn’t need help getting out of the truck or getting inside the house, but he allowed that too. Robby tucked him under his arm and against his side. Dennis locked the door and hovered as Robby kicked his shoes off.
“Hungry?”
“No.”
“Let’s get you some water, then.”
Dennis got a hand around his wrist and stopped him from leaving the narrow foyer. They stood in the dark a moment longer. Dennis backed himself up against the door and pulled Robby close. “Not tonight.” Robby kissed his forehead.
“You don’t want me?”
“Don’t start.” Robby let himself lean on Dennis, pressing him a little more firmly to the door. “Be good. You just need some sleep.”
“I think I’m sad.”
“You mentioned it.”
“Did I?”
“Come lay down. You’ll feel better.”
Dennis laced his arms around Robby’s waist and rather stubbornly kept them both in place. Robby sighed and mulled over his options. The inebriated man in his arms was hiding his face against his neck and doing the sort of shuddery breaths that usually led to a sob. Robby reached back for his hand and untangled it from his shirt. He directed it to the door frame and pressed Dennis’s palm to his grandmother’s mezuzah.
“She-heḥeyanu v'kiy'manu v'higi'anu la-z'man hazeh.”
Dennis let the tears fall, a little laughter mixing in with his sob.
“I don’t know that one.”
“It’s just the back half of something you say when you something important happens…gratitude, I guess. For granting us life…for sustaining us…and for helping us to reach this day.”
“Gratitude to God?”
“If you like. Maybe you need to send it to the universe. Or yourself.” Dennis shuddered. “My grandmother said it twice a day, everytime she passed this.” Robby looked at their hands; overlapping over the old pewter fixture, dented and a little grubby. It was smeared with finger prints from compulsive touches and taps every morning and evening. It was begging for a good clean.
“Weeping may stay for the night but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Dennis mumbled, resting his cheek on Robby’s shoulder so he could look at their hands. “Mimi was always saying that.”
“Who’s Mimi?”
“My mom’s mother’s sister. Nice lady. Also kinda mean.” He sighed heavily. “She’d like you. You’re kinda the same.”
“Because I’m nice or because I’m mean?”
“Yes.”
Robby pulled Dennis’s hand away from the mezuzah and pressed a kiss to his palm.
“Will you come lay down with me?”
“Yeah.” Dennis turned his face back into Robby’s neck. He wound his arms around Robby’s shoulders and trusted him to catch the weight of his body.
Robby cupped the back of his head in his hand, pressed his lips to his temple, and slowly shuffled them towards the stairs.
~
Dennis had a particular hitch in his breath that seemed specifically reserved for whenever Robby pushed inside of him.
“Oh fuck-“ He screwed his eyes shut but kept Robby’s face cupped between his palms. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck.”
“Breathe.” Robby kissed the corner of his mouth and inhaled sharply. Dennis panted against his cheek and spread his legs a little further, getting his heels settled on the mattress.
“You feel so fucking good.” Fat tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “Keep going.”
“You sure?”
Dennis nodded. He opened his eyes and smiled as he pushed two fingers into Robby’s mouth. He continued to marvel as the other man sucked and flexed his hips.
“Yeah. Take your time.” Dennis groaned deep in his throat, head titling back with pleasure. Robby’s tongue rolled between the knuckles of his middle and ring fingers. He swallowed them down to the knuckle, unbothered by the way Dennis played with the back of his tongue and the roof of this mouth. He scraped his teeth against his skin and made a deliciously high pitched sound as Dennis withdrew his hand. Their next kiss was clumsy. Robby’s hips struggled to find a rhythm. They moved together erratically, going from rabbit quick to soft and tantric from minute to minute. Robby laced feathery kisses around the base of his neck before licking and sucking a hot and heavy path up the center of his throat. Dennis reached down to touch himself, just cupping his cock and squeezing it gently between them.
“You like that?” Dennis moved his hand, pressing down on the small of Robby’s back until his cock was trapped against the swell of his stomach.
“You’re so hard.” He murmured into Robby’s mouth before licking along the curve of his lower lip. “You gonna cum inside me?” Robby sucked on the tip of his tongue before hiding his laugh against his cheek.
“Shut up.”
Dennis laughed at that too. He kissed Robby’s shoulder.
“Aw c’mon. Be sweet.”
Robby rocked his weight back on his knees and got his hands under Dennis’s hips, lifting him off the mattress so he could thrust hard and fast without any interference. Dennis sucked in a breath and happily let himself be used. Robby dropped him with a ragged exhale and blanketed his body possessively again.
“So good for me.” Robby moaned.
“Do you think about this?” Dennis pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek.
“You’re all I think about.” Robby braced his elbows on either side of Dennis’s head. “Can’t fucking stop thinking about you.” Robby pressed his lips to the other man’s forehead. “Tell me what you want.” He whispered into his hair. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”
Dennis arched and gasped and released a wordless shout, as if someone had sucker punched him unexpectedly in the ribs.
“Pull out.”
Robby eyes went wide. He did as he was told. Dennis ripped the condom off and tossed it carelessly to the side, somewhere if the pile of the clothes they had shed. He grasped Robby’s shaft and lined them up again, whining petulantly in the back of his throat until Robby was inside him again; hot and heavy and perfect. Dennis flexed and squeezed himself around Robby’s cock as best he could. “Cum.” He demanded.
“Dennis…”
”Now.”
It was a persuasive argument.
Robby repaid the favor as always, cleaning up the mess he left between Dennis’s legs with his tongue until the younger man was drenching the sheets with his spend and making enough noise to concern anyone passing by on the sidewalk beneath the bedroom window.
Dennis reached back and made as much of a fist as he could with Robby’s short hair trapped between his fingers. He vaguely registered the embarrassing puddle of tear stains he had left on Robby’s pillow as he rolled his hips back against the older man’s tongue one more time. “That’s it baby.” Robby mumbled against his lower back. “Y’taste so fucking good.”
It took a few minutes, but they finally got tangled up together chest to chest. They held each other hard enough to hurt, like separating might create a wound.
“Fuck.” Dennis put a hand around Robby’s throat and squeezed. “Hit me.”
“What?”
“Do it.” The slap was relatively gentle, but it still cracked against Dennis’s flank like lightening. He hoped it stained his ass cheek with a bruise that looked just like Robby’s perfect hand. He confessed this out loud against Robby’s ear as they kept rubbing against each other, chasing aftershocks of pleasure and even closer contact.
“Bite me.” Robby begged right back. Dennis seized some of the meat of Robby’s shoulder between his teeth and clamped down until he tasted blood. One last hot spurt of cum pooled between their stomachs.
Their shared laughter was giddy, escaping between breathless kisses that sought to devour each other whole.
~
Dennis ended up planning the itinerary of Robby’s trip, putting his head together with Jack and Dana. They picked all the places Robby could spend the night between long rides and identified a few camp sites with gorgeous, well reviewed views. Dennis took polls over text from the rest of the department. They collectively researched and selected the places they wanted postcards, keychains, and fridge magnets from.
Robby invested in an extra large roll of stamps. Dennis went with him to the Bloomfield post office after work one day. Robby laced their fingers together and didn’t let go, even though the line was long.
~
Robby was about to turn off the lights in his garage for the night when he realized his helmet was sitting in a different place than it used to. Someone had applied a rather garish sticker to the back of it. Jag Off. He could hear Dana say it in his head.
Someone had taken a sharpie to one of the foam pads on the inside, for good measure. Jack’s familiar scrawl brought a tear to his eyes. Wear it.
He brought the helmet back inside and hooked it onto the coat rack, letting it hang next to his riding jacket.