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“No Brett, we cannot keep it.”.
Brett looks up at Reagon with big pleading eyes. He holds her gaze for so long his eyes start watering because he refuses to blink. Reagon sighs and kneels down.
“Look Brett, that cat’s either going to be dead by the end of the week, or it's a spy planted by the shadow government and/or my dad, and either way, we can't keep it.”.
“But, but, I already named him! Would you really force Reagon Jr to fend for himself?”.
“You named him after me?”.
“HE'S JUST AS PERMANENTLY PISSED!”.
Reason sighs.
“It can stay for a day, but if it does anything suspicious we might have to incinerate it.”.
Brett gets up off his knees and goes to the meeting table where Reagon Jr is snoozing soundly.
“You’re gonna have a loving family.” He says as he pets him. “Me and Reags are gonna feed you and cherish you because you deserve it.”.
“Stop talking to the cat, you’re gonna get attached.” Reagan chides. She tries to pick up the cat, which makes him wake up instantly. He yowls and swipes at Reagon.
“Fuck!” She drops him “Yup, it’s evil, we should get rid of it.”.
“Don’t you dare! Reagan Jr is an innocent soul, and he deserves love!”.
“Fine, I won’t get rid of him.” Reagan concedes “But I’m gonna be frank with you, and I say this with love in my heart, you should probably accept that thing isn’t sticking around, trust me, it’ll hurt less.”.
Brett looks to Reagon Jr mournfully.
Reagon is now staring blankly at her computer screen, waiting on a download of various statistics regarding republican sex scandals. It’s two in the morning and she’s dead inside. She allows her head to drop down on the desk, the impact barely felt.
A very sad, pathetic meow draws her attention. Reagan lifts her head and looks down to see Reagon Jr sitting politely. He meows again, clearly demanding something.
“I’m not feeding you, you’re probably just an animatronic that’s spying on me or something.”.
He fixes her with his enormous, pitiful eyes, which reminds her so much of Brett she simply has to give in. She gets off her chair.
“Fine, I’ll sneak you some of Glenn’s stash of fish, happy now?”.
The cat is indeed happy now. He trots along at her side as she walks to the break room, then enters the small walk-in freezer and plucks a sardine from it. Reagan Jr perks up and starts eyeing the fish.
“No, as much as I’d like to give you this now and save myself the trouble, I’m gonna need to boil this first or you’ll die and Brett’ll be even more traumatized then he already is.”.
Reagon sets a pot on the hot plate, fills it with water, and waits for it to boil. Reagan Jr is clearly irritated about not getting his food earlier, and is meowing up a storm.
“Shut up, you’ll eat soon.” She chides. Then pauses. “I can’t believe I’m talking to a cat.”.
About twenty minutes later, the cat is eating the fish happily off of a plate, Reagon watching until he’s done. She takes the plate away once there’s nothing left on it and puts it in the sink. Reagan makes her way back to her office, hoping the sex scandals have downloaded and she can get to work with the blackmail. The second she sits down again, Reagan Jr comes in and immediately beelines for her lap. She’s too sleep-deprived to stop him, and he falls asleep instantly too. Reagon makes to remove him, then stops. Last time he got pissy about being picked up in his sleep, so it’d be better to leave him be. She wakes her computer back up by vigorously shaking her mouse, and gets back to work.
Several hours later, Brett comes in holding a funeral wreath and a cat coffin. He’s also written a eulogy. It’s not very long, but it’s a eulogy nonetheless. He shakes Reagon awake, and sucks in a breath.
“Wha-? What time is it?” She asks tiredly.
“It’s seven, I’m here early because setting up for the funeral is gonna take a while.”.
“Funeral?”.
“You know, I thought we should preemptively mourn Reagon Jr.”.
Reagon looks down to Reagon Jr, purring contentedly on her lap.
“That’s not really necessary.”.
Brett’s eyes go sparkly and shiny with joy. “Wait, does this mean-”.
“Yes, we can keep him. If I change my mind, there’s always laser guns.”.
Brett finally notices Reagon Jr on her lap. “Guess what Reags Jr? You’ve got a mom and dad now!”.
“Don’t refer to us as his parents, it’s weird.”.
“That’s basically what we are though!”.
Reagan starts absentmindedly petting him, his gray fur untangling.
“Fine.”.