Work Text:
“I’m just saying, you have no idea what you’re talking about here!” Robin exclaimed as she tried fixing up her eyeliner in the sun visor mirror.
“Uh, no. I do. Believe me, Robin, you’re gonna do just fine. It’s just a normal rehearsal,” Steve said as he rested one hand on the wheel, with his elbow resting on the door.
“No, it’s not! We have three new songs to go through, and I haven’t been able to practice at all,” Robin said quickly, moving from her eyeliner to now fix her hair.
“Robin, it’ll be fine. And it’s your fault for staying up so late and not practicing anyway,” Steve responded.
Robin rolled her eyes, “You’re the one who convinced me to stay up and watch lame sports reruns with you anyways,” She said, exaggerating her annoyance like usual. Steve knew that she’d never really get mad at him.
“Uh, firstly, there’s nothing lame about a good game. Secondly, you’re the one who was just dying to hang out with me,” He snarked.
Robin shook her head, “You’re way off base,” She looked over with a smile, “It was just pity for my favorite loveless babysitter.”
Steve looked over at her before shaking his head, “Loveless? C’mon, you know it’s not that bad,” He insisted as he pulled into the crowded school parking lot.
“Yeah. It’s that bad, dingus,” She said teasingly, as she flipped up the sun visor and reached down to grab her backpack.
Steve stopped by the front of the school, “Alright, have a good day,” He said, making Robin chuckle a little just as she always did when he said those words.
“Yeah, no problem, mom,” She snarked before getting out and putting on her backpack as she closed the door, running off to catch up with her friends.
Steve shook his head and drove off. He’d never admit how much he needed her.
“Hey guys!” Robin greeted her friends with a wave and a smile, as usual. Something was off, though; almost nobody seemed receptive.
“Hi, Robin,” Vickie said with a smile.
“Hey,” Robin said with a big wave, trying to hide the flush in her cheeks. The excitement of her crush acknowledging her would usually be more exciting, but now it just seemed insignificant compared to some of the looks she was receiving.
“Hey, Robin,” Melanie, one band girl, said.
“What’s up?” Jennifer, another band kid, asked.
“Nothing, just a little stressed for rehearsal, y’know, I barely practiced some of that stuff,” Robin chuckled. Only two of the other girls did the same. Her confusion deepened.
“Well, we’ll see you later today, Robin,” Vickie said.
Robin froze. She didn’t understand why they were walking off without her.
“Um, okay. Yeah, cool. Totally,” Robin stammered out quickly as she waved at the rest of the group.
“What did I do?” She thought, her shoes both tapping the ground, one at a time.
She looked around; it seemed like more people were looking at her than usual, but whether she was just paranoid or not, she couldn’t tell. As she entered the hallway, she had the same self-consciousness; she wasn’t inexperienced with anxiety in the past, but this felt like something more, like people were really whispering about her.
She waved at a friend who returned the gesture with a smile, but then passed another girl who ignored her.
“Why’d she ignore me? Angie never ignores me,” Robin thought, gripping her black backpack straps a little tighter as she made it to her locker.
“That’s her,” a voice said from behind her.
Robin instantly turned around and saw a cheerleader with her boyfriend, who both looked away quickly as she noticed them.
She turned back around and kept walking, trying to ignore the tears brimming in her eyes; she knew she wouldn’t let herself cry, it was just something that happened when she felt overwhelmed.
She opened her locker and reached for her biology textbook before noticing a small notecard fall out and onto the floor. She paused for a moment, confused, before reaching down and picking it up; she flipped it over and read.
“I know your secret.”
She froze. Her heart immediately pounded faster as she began to shake. The walls felt tighter than normal, and the hum of the overhead lights felt almost oppressive. How was it possible? How could anyone have found out? Steve wouldn’t tell anyone, and she knew it. She took the notecard and shoved it into her pocket before slamming the locker door shut. Everything began to click, and now she understood why her fellow marching band members were ignoring her.
“Hey, Robin,” Nancy said, appearing out of what seemed like nowhere and causing Robin to jump back a little.
“Oh! Hey, s-sorry you startled me there,” She said, holding her textbook tightly against her chest.
“You seemed a little exhausted. Something wrong?” Nancy asked, furrowing her brow. She and Robin may not have been close, but she had heard the rumors and had to check in on her.
“What? No, I’m cool, totally cool. I actually just stayed up watching these stupid sports games last night, and I couldn’t sleep. I mean, seriously, who can watch that stuff voluntarily? I swear, the kind of things I do to make my friends happy-” She forced herself to stop, “Sorry, I do this thing where I can’t stop talking sometimes,” She mumbled, looking down at her feet and slamming her eyes shut.
Nancy had never seen her look so deflated, “It’s fine, um… You don’t have to apologize, Robin. I just wanted to check in on you. I know that we don’t talk much, but we both went through… y’know… so…” The Wheeler said, a little awkwardly adjusting her preppy grey dress.
“Oh, yeah, no, don’t worry, I mean it blew my mind and everything, but I’m at peace with the alternate dimension and stuff now. Or, sorry, I know I shouldn’t say anything-”
“Robin. That’s not what I’m talking about,” Nancy said, leaning in a little closer and speaking in a hushed tone.
“What, well, um… what are you talking about then?” Robin asked. She knew well enough where Nancy was taking this, but she decided to play dumb. Even if she got to pretend it was a fake rumor, she was still uncomfortable with any discussion related to her sexuality.
“Robin… have you not heard?” Nancy asked, her eyes flickering with an almost sisterly concern that made Robin’s heart melt. She was so used to seeing Nancy as a “priss,” and seeing her show so much consideration was oddly grounding.
“Um... nope, I haven’t heard anything,” The blonde replied. She figured it was a half-truth, since she really hadn’t been told anything aside from stares and the borderline threat of a note in her locker.
“Robin… people have been spreading rumors that… well, that you’re not straight,” Nancy said, looking over her shoulder as if she thought people might be saying things behind her back just for talking to Robin.
“What? I-I mean, people say all kinds of stupid stuff in this school. That’s… that’s not true,” Robin said meekly, holding her books tighter against her blouse, where they almost hurt, but she had no other way to try and feel safe.
“I believe you, but… I had rumors spread about me, too, okay? By Steve during sophomore year, when everyone thought I was a slut… but it passed. People forget things after the next big gossip comes out,” Nancy said. She knew that she was partially lying. People could forget rumors about promiscuity, but forgetting rumors about sexuality in conservative small-town America was far less feasible.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s no big deal, I don’t even really care,” Robin said dismissively, trying to hide how her hands were now shaking around the book.
“Okay, just… it’s gonna be alright and… I know we haven’t talked much since we met at the mall, but I’m here if you need someone,” Nancy said, giving a smile that Robin returned weakly.
“Okay… thanks, Nancy,” She said, giving the preppy girl a salute.
Nancy huffed out a small laugh, “Okay, take care of yourself, Robin.”
“Yeah, you too…” Robin replied. She pulled the notecard out from her pocket and gave it one last look before pacing off to class.
The door to her first period was already closing when she reached it. Robin shoved her food into the gap before it could shut.
“Just on time… start being more mindful, or I may not be so generous with not giving out tardy slips,” The teacher commanded.
Robin nodded sheepishly as she shut the door behind her and walked to her desk.
Various hushed whispers travelled between the thirty or so kids crammed into the classroom. She could’ve sworn that each one was about her, but she knew that was in her head.
She took her backpack off and placed it beside her seat, as a couple of kids suddenly stopped laughing once she sat down.
“Hey Marie,” She greeted the girl beside her just as she did every day.
“Oh… hey Robin,” the girl replied without looking over at her, doodling aimlessly, as if she just needed an excuse not to look up at her.
“Here,” a kid said a few rows back.
Robin looked back and saw a note being passed between a few students, each of whom looked up at her after they read it before passing it around again. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes, trying not to let the thoughts in her mind race too much. It could’ve been anything… right?
“Alright,” The teacher spoke up, causing Robin to snap out of her thoughts and open her eyes, “Flip open your textbooks to Page ninety six. We are still discussing the Platt Amendment.”
Robin tried to follow the teacher’s instructions, but was so distracted that she swiped the book off the table by accident. A few kids snickered behind her, making her pick up the book quickly and flip to the requested page instantly. She was used to being picked on for her clumsiness, but it felt different today; she usually didn’t feel so many eyes on her.
The teacher’s whole lecture sounded muffled to Robin, whose mind was somewhere else entirely. “Who could’ve known?” She knew for a fact that Steve would never tell a soul, and she never discussed her crush with anyone other than him. But then she remembered, there were some days at family video where she talked to Steve about Vickie after everyone else left the store. Maybe she accidentally mentioned it while someone was still in the store? But then, who would’ve been the one to spread it? She knew deep down that almost anyone in the town would spread the rumor, but she tried to pinpoint it, going through what seemed like a million different ideas in her mind.
“Robin!” The teacher slammed her ruler down onto the desk, causing Robin to look up.
“I asked you. What were the rules for Spain under this deal?”
Robin froze. She never froze; she was usually quick on her feet, especially with history, and she knew the question was simple. But her mind was mangled; she couldn’t get over her nerves and answer.
“S-Sorry, I don’t know, miss,” She finally said timidly, shrinking into her seat. The teacher opened her mouth as if to berate her more, but between the sad look on the girl's face and the other kids giggling at her, the teacher decided to spare Robin for that moment.
The class went on like normal from that point as she tried to focus more on the lecture, hoping it could distract her from the faster and faster speed of her heart.
“That’s her,” A kid whispered from behind her.
Another student spoke up quietly, “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I heard she-”
Robin couldn’t make out the rest of the hushed conversation, yet she froze up, feeling the same burning sensation in her eyes that she desperately tried to ignore.
The high-pitched ring of the bell filled the class, causing her to jump a little in her seat before quickly putting her books into her bag and standing up, pacing out of the class.
Robin forked over a dollar to the lunch lady and grabbed her tray, taking in the sight of the greasy school food as usual. Yet her concerns were now not with her crappy food like usual, and instead with paranoia over where to sit. She always sat with the band kids and was hopeful that they wouldn’t abandon her, not even after the awkwardness of the morning.
She felt as though all eyes were on her as she walked through the crowded cafeteria, even if she knew it must have just been in her head. She did everything in her power not to lose her already terrible balance and strided to the table she always sat at.
“Hey guys!” She said, trying to use her usual goofiness to hide her fear.
“Hey, Robin,” Vickie greeted her with a warm smile as always, which Robin returned.
Yet the rest of the group stayed more stone-faced, offering only waves and half-baked smiles. Robin looked down and noticed her usual seat was taken by one of the girls’ boyfriends. She gripped her trey a little tighter.
“Oh, yeah, um, Danny just wanted to sit with me today. You won’t mind, right, Robs?” Sydney explained, looking at Robin with the sweetest expression she could muster up.
Robin swallowed and felt as though her heart was in her throat. She never could’ve imagined that she’d have to sit alone at lunch, at least, not since she was in middle school.
“Oh. I understand, yeah, I-it’s uh, cool,” She said quickly, trying to make an unamused expression to hide the hurt which flickered in her eyes.
Sydney nodded as the rest of the group either watched her or looked down at their trays awkwardly. Vickie was the only one who seemed to show a sympathetic expression.
Robin nodded a little before turning around and walking off to the corner table, which only had a couple of kids at it alone. She placed her bookbag down on the floor and threw her tray onto the table, taking a seat.
Everything felt wrong.
Her jeans felt too tight against her skin. Her hair was suddenly too itchy.
She was getting sweaty even if the air conditioning was on.
Her mind couldn’t stop racing. She hadn’t felt this anxious in so long, but it was impossible now with her “secret” apparently out.
A chorus of high-pitched giggling erupted as she turned around to see a squad of cheerleaders walking by, taking indiscreet glances at her. She looked back at her tray and picked up her spork, although it fell back onto the tray after slipping from her fingers.
A group of football players passed behind her.
“Dyke.”
The word hit the back of her skull like a thrown rock. The boy may not have said it loud, but she felt as though it were being screamed at her. She heard it just as clearly as she heard the group laughing while they walked down the lunch aisles.
She tried to pick up her spork again, but it fell onto the tray again, as her hands shook too badly to even try to hold it. Her head felt like it was throbbing. Her once again teary eyes looked up at the lunch table where all of her usual friends sat. Most of them wouldn’t look in her direction anymore, except for one: Vickie.
Robin’s redheaded crush looked up, and the two made eye contact for a moment before Vickie looked back down and just kept eating. Robin felt her heart break into a million pieces.
Her stomach grumbled, yet she pushed her lunch tray away, suddenly feeling that she’d lost her appetite. She shut her eyes and took a few deep, shuddering breaths before standing up so fast that her chair scraped loudly across the floor. A few heads turned, and their eyes lingered on her, but Robin didn’t care; she just walked as fast as she could to the cafeteria doors, not even stopping to throw out her tray.
She paused for a moment as she entered the hallway; it was oddly quiet, but not enough to drown out the sounds in her mind. She paced towards the bathroom, walking in and making sure the stalls were all empty before walking to the mirror and splashing some water on her face.
She looked at herself for a moment, resting her hands on the sink, and trying to practice normal facial expressions, which could distract from her glossy eyes.
She tried to replay Nancy’s words over and over again in her head as much as she could.
“People forget things after the next big gossip comes out.”
Robin hoped that those words had been true, more than anything in the world.
“You’re fine. You’re gonna be fine. It’s totally gonna be fine,” She thought, but she knew she wasn’t fine. There was no way that she could feel fine now.
A few girls walked in, and Robin kept her head down before walking out, heading straight for her next class, not wanting to waste anymore time near the cafeteria than she had to.
The rest of the school day passed as a nervous haze. Her last couple of periods were manageable except for the few kids who stared at her almost the whole class, plus the few kids who snickered. One guy in Physics made her particularly uncomfortable, a stereotypical jock who seemed to be giving her an unusually hard stare. As she finally got through Sixth period, she paced back to her locker to leave her books at school and finally get away from there.
She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw her locker before freezing up when she saw a sticky note plastered onto it.
“Freak.”
She took a couple of small steps towards it, looking around at the crowd, which filled the hallway, almost as if trying to see if anyone else noticed it. Of course, everyone was too caught up in getting home to notice in that moment. She fought back the tears that had been brewing in her eyes all day once again, then took a firm step forward and tore off the note, throwing it to the ground before opening the locker and putting away her books. She tried to blend into the crowd and gripped her backpack straps, walking out.
The fresh air felt like a relief, but it only lasted for a few seconds, as she remembered that she now had to make the ten-minute walk to Family Video for a shift. She got to see Steve, which felt like a double-edged sword; she got to see her best friend, but also had to hide that she just had what felt like the worst day of her life. The thought of skipping work seemed enticing; she wanted nothing more than to get home and hide under the covers, but she had a shift.
She walked at a brisk pace, hoping to ignore any stares; she was scared of people in the town now seeing her as some pariah, even if the rumor might not leave Hawkins High School. Her mind moved fast, too, as she thought of potentially opening up to Steve, but she couldn’t; she couldn’t say it out loud.
She paused in front of Family Video, her mind racing with fear of the looks she’d get once she was inside. She knew how many kids came in right after school. With a shaky sigh, she opened the door.
“Oh, hey, Robin,” Steve greeted her casually as he sat in his chair in the front booth.
“Um… hey,” She looked around in confusion for a moment. There was nobody else there.
“Oh yeah, you must not have noticed. There’s a sign out front that says no customers for today. Greg wants us to stock some new tapes all day,” Steve explained, referencing their manager, Greg, whom they had bonded over hating.
“Oh… yeah, I didn’t even notice, silly me, sorry,” She said with a quick chuckle.
Steve furrowed his brow instantly, “Okay, you’re acting more frazzled than usual. What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice taking on a layer of concern beneath the confusion.
“Oh, nothing uh… rehearsal was a real doozy, that’s all,” She lied. She had skipped the rehearsal altogether.
“If you say so,” Steve said skeptically.
Robin cleared her throat, “Right so, I’m gonna go ahead and put my uniform on,” She mumbled.
“Uniform? We have no customers, I mean…”
“It’s fine. You know I like wearing it. It makes me feel like one of those super cool 1950s waiters or something,” Robin said.
Steve snorted a little, “Yeah, alright. Not sure what you’re talking about, but by all means.”
Robin mustered up a smirk, “Of course you don’t know,” She teased before walking to the back room. She grabbed her uniform and then walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
As soon as the door shut, the silence of the bathroom gave space for her mind to race. The dim, flickering overhead light flashed periodically, while she tried to ignore her thoughts and change into her uniform. She removed her blouse and put on her white dress shirt, before tucking it into her jeans and putting on the glittery grey tie that she always paired with it. Yet, as she tried to put on her vest, that’s when she heard it.
The football players’ laughter.
The slur that one of them called her echoed in her brain, making her hands shake as she still held the vest.
The idea of not having a place to sit at lunch was more crushing, as she remembered how it felt to sit alone. Above all else, though, the most painful was seeing Vickie not even try to sit with her; she didn’t know why she wouldn’t, all she knew was that the girl whom she had been dreaming about spending her future with was unwilling to stick up for her at all.
She dropped her vest to the ground, as memories of all the whispers and glares of the day repeated in her head.
“They know. Everyone knows,” was the last clear thought she had before the tears, which had been threatening to spill all day, finally brimmed over. She fell onto the floor, putting her back against the wall as she brought her knees up to her chest. She gasped for air as her tears began to pour out uncontrollably, a series of racked sobs escaping her.
“Why? Why, why, why, why…” She whimpered loosely to herself, burying her face in her trembling hands as she held her knees tighter to her chest. Her eyes stung as her vision of the dim and increasingly claustrophobic room blurred; she sniffled loudly, trying to stop the snot from running out just like her already ugly tears. She tried to take a deep breath like earlier, but as she inhaled, she burst into another choked sob, once again crying out without considering how loud she was being.
Then,
Knock. Knock.
“Robin? Hey, Robin, what’s wrong, buddy? Are you okay?” Steve asked, laying on another quick knock.
Robin sniffled, wiping at her face with her sleeve, “Yeah, don’t worry, I-” She paused, stifling a sob in her throat, “I’m okay, dingus,” She said. She hoped he’d go away, that nobody would see her like this, but she could hear the shakiness in her own voice, and she knew her friend, she knew that he was gonna be coming in.
“Hey, is it okay if I come in?” He asked, his hand already on the rusty doorknob.
Robin let out a hefty sigh and wiped at her face once more, to no avail.
“Fine.” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut as the door opened.
Steve walked in and paused for a moment before looking down. He saw Robin up against the wall, holding her knees against her chest as she shuddered. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and her eyes sparkled as if there were more yet to come out.
“Jesus,” Steve whispered, closing the door behind him in case anyone didn’t read the sign out front and came in. He sat next to her on the floor, just a few inches away, “What happened, Robin?” He asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft.
Robin just buried her face in her hands and shook her head.
“Robin… please, you gotta tell me what’s wrong. I mean… you gotta know that there’s nothing you can’t tell me,” Steve said.
“Somebody… somebody found out…” She finally said, removing her hands from her face to look over at him.
“Found out...?” Steve asked, gesturing for her to continue.
“Steve… somebody knows, and now the whole school is talking,” She said, a single tear rolling down her left cheek. This time, the urgency in her voice made it clear to him exactly what she meant.
“What? What asshole went around telling everyone? Do you know? I swear-”
“Steve,” She cut him off sharply, “Stop it. I don’t know, and even if I did, you can’t do anything to solve this,” Robin insisted.
“Okay, fine, I’m sorry…” He said, trying to hold back his protective anger. He swallowed before speaking again, “I wanna give you a hug, is that okay?” He asked, looking at his friend broken down beside him.
Robin rolled her eyes before wrapping her arms around him lightly, as he did the same with her. He held her for a few moments, “I’m here, even if nobody else is,” He said softly in her ear.
“I-I know you are, you big doofus…” She said, letting out some more tears silently in his embrace before pulling back. “I don’t know what I can do,” She said, wiping her face once more.
“Hey, don’t talk like that. Y’know, rumors happen in high school. It’ll blow over, so just… ride it out, it should get better,” Steve said. His words weren’t very helpful, but he was never a comfort expert.
“Steve… I dunno… this isn’t just any other rumor. It’s everywhere and..."
“Well, rumors are always everywhere, but people’s image will still recover-”
“I’m not like Nancy,” Robin said firmly, making Steve pause.
“I… I never said-”
“You don’t have to, Steve. I know what happened to Nancy. Everyone thought she was a whore for a week till you guys went back to dating, and it was all sunshine and rainbows, but that’s not me. This is… my-my life could be ruined,” She said, her final words coming out with another sob.
Steve’s heart broke at her words and teary voice, but he tried to keep his composure, “Hey, don’t say that. Your life is way too important to be ruined by this bullshit. I know you think this is more serious, and I agree, it is, but people will still move on. I mean, eventually they’ll have to,” Steve insisted.
“It’s not just about the people at school, Steve,” Robin said, wiping her nose on her sleeve.
“... What? Some other people in town? Robin, you’re gonna be going away to college and saying screw you to all the people in Hawkins-”
“My parents, Steve,” She said bluntly.
Steve paused, “Oh.”
“They’re not… they wouldn’t understand this… They would press me on it if they heard about it, and if they don’t believe me, then they could send me to one of those conversion therapy places. Do you have any idea what they’d do to me at a place like that, Steve? I-I can't…” She started crying again, although this time it was less sobbing and more just silent tears that escaped with heavy breaths.
“Hey, don’t say that. They’re not sending you anywhere,” He said, his voice taking on an even more protective tone, “You understand?”
Robin looked over at him and hesitated before nodding a little, another tear running down her face as her eyes locked with his.
“So now… we lie,” Steve suggested as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“... What? Steve, no, we’ve already gone over this, it won’t work-”
“Sure, it can. You bring me over to your parents’ one night, and we pretend to be dating. Then you convince them that this is all just a mean rumor. Mention it to a few people at school, and it’ll spread just as fast as the real rumor spread,” He said.
Robin hesitated, “Steve… I don’t know…” She said.
“Neither do I, but… this,” He gestured to her, “I can’t see this every day. I can’t see, y’know… my best friend like this,” He said earnestly, placing his hand on her shoulder gently.
Robin gazed at him fondly, a soft smile yanking at the corners of her lips, “Yeah, okay. Fine, we’ll give it a try,” She said, as a couple more tears escaped her eyes while she reached out her pinky to him for a promise.
Steve smiled, “You’re still a total dork,” He said dismissively before locking his pinky with hers and shaking it before letting go.
“Yeah, right, you’re the one who’s best friends with a freshman. Don't think that calling me your best friend was enough to fool me; I know that Dustin has a special place in your heart,” She teased.
Steve just shook his head, “Henderson is just a doofus, like you.”
Robin let out a quiet huff of laughter and wiped at her face again, “You’re the biggest doofus out of all of us,” She said, her voice still shaky.
Steve stood up and grabbed the tissues on the counter, handing them down to her.
“Thanks,” She mumbled before taking them and wiping her face thoroughly.
“Now, c’mon,” Steve took her vest off the floor and tossed it at her, “Let’s see if two doofuses can finally get alphabetical order right…” He said.
Robin hesitated in the doorway for a moment before walking out beside him. Steve didn’t say anything; he just waited for her as she locked the bathroom door behind them. For the first time all day, Robin felt like she wouldn’t fall apart.
Steve didn’t move away as they walked back to the counter. Robin wiped the last of the tears from her face and grabbed a stack of tapes. Tomorrow, the rumors would still be there. But tonight, at least, she had someone on her side.