Chapter Text
IN MEMORIAM
It starts with a bang, and Julia's fists connecting with a worn out punching bag.
"C'mon, bitch." She growls, barring her teeth. "Hit me back, make my day!"
She always throws punches in sets of three, followed by a few seconds of strafing and dodging around.
"You punch like a human!" Snarls the wolf as she feints right.
One-two-three blows land fast as lightning on the bag's "face", Julia's fists flying faster than your eyes can track.
Long hair whips from side to side with every strike, and the fur on her forehead glistens with a thin veneer of sweat. It's a uniquely "her" thing that you've noticed after years of living with her.
Allegedly, canines who take after their fathers sweat more than they pant, proof of an inherited "human nature" that will inevitably get them into trouble.
You’re not so sure about that, yet there's something undeniably human about Julia's dark blue eyes.
"Get the fuck outta here with that dicklet shit!" She growls, and rounds on the punching bag with a haymaker that sends it flying back on its rack. "I'll put you in the ground, bitch!"
That's when she notices you watching from the bottom of the stairs.
She frowns immediately.
"I see you there Johnny, stop skulking around and come out, please."
Her eyes meet yours sharply and you briefly consider leaving, but think better of it.
It's only Julia, after all.
You step down into the musty, unfinished basement.
"Uhh, hey. We've got that thing coming up in a few hours. Shouldn't you be getting ready?"
The wolf takes up her old army canteen and slugs back a muzzlefull of water.
"I am getting ready."
"By getting sweaty?"
She gives you a harsh, unamused look.
"By practicing, Johnny. I do this every day so that you can be safe. What do you want? Is it something important this time?"
You look away, feeling more self conscious by the second. It would've been better if you’d asked sooner, but everyone's been busier than usual lately.
"I was just wondering if maybe you would...want to hang around the carnival after the thing's over. We could go grab some shaved ice or something, I dunno..."
She crosses her arms and frowns at you.
"It could be fun."
"No." She replies emphatically. "I'm your bodyguard, not your friend. Go ask one of your guy pals, or go find a date. It’s real easy for boys, I hear."
You sigh and rub your tired face. "You're the only person I know who’s still in town, Jules. All my other friends got married, or assigned, or moved away."
She rolls her eyes. "Don't call me "Jules.""
"I-I just thought that--"
"Johnny, What time is it?"
Here it comes...
"6:48."
Julia stalks slowly towards you.
"6:48 AM Johnny, that's right. I get two hours of "me time" a day, and you're interrupting one of them to pout about missing a carnival you outgrew years ago. Are you really feeling that childish today, or am I missing something important?"
You feel your cheeks pink up. "I'm not being pouty!"
"Then why give me the sad puppydog eyes, huh? Am I supposed to be able to change something about today? Rearrange our very busy schedule and screw over everyone else for your last minute whim?"
Julia's words cut deep, more so than she realizes, and you look down to hide your discomfort.
Calloused paw pads sternly touch your chin, and raise your eyes to meet hers. She's always been two feet taller than you, yet you don't think she's ever made you feel smaller than now.
"I'm sorry, Julia. I didn't mean to bother you..."
You notice something sharp brushing against your palm as you step back.
Julia grunts irritably and takes another step forward-
"Johnny, you always do this, and I'm sick of it. How about instead of whining and being sorry, you try being better for a change?"
-which is just enough to send you stumbling back.
Pain erupts from your hand as it's torn open by a loose nail jutting from the wall, and you fall flat on your ass.
"JOHNNY!"
Julia's whole demeanor flips the moment she scents blood in the air, her eyes widening and filling with concern as she bears down on you like a concerned mother hen.
"I'm so sorry, pup! Show me where it's bleeding." She says, grabbing your wrist.
"It's nothing!" You say, clutching your hand to your chest, but the wolf simply overpowers you and forces your hand open.
"That looks painful. Stay right here, I'm gonna go get some bandages." She says, but you're in no mood to be coddled.
Not with a day like today ahead of you.
"I said I'm fine!" You shout, yanking your arm away and scrambling up the stairs before Julia can smother you more and play-acting like she gives a damn.
God, what were you thinking? Mom pays her to be here, why the hell did you think she was your friend?
"Johnny, I'm sorry okay!? Please just wait a minute and let me help!"
"Like you give a shit!" You shout, wishing not for the first time there was just one person in the world you could talk to.
The basement door slams shut behind you.
A humble cityscape of brick and stone passes behind your mother's head as you ride into town.
You are Jonathan William duPaul, and you want this day to end already.
"Claudia, did you remember my wedding ring?" Asks Mom, not bothering to look at her anxious assistant.
The little Corgi across from her fumbles meekly with a clipboard. "Your wedding ring, ma'am?"
The other women in the vehicle turn to look at Claudia and giggle behind their hands.
Your mother, a short (for an anthro) raccoon woman with starkly colored fur and a black face mask, crosses her legs and looks askance at the little corgi.
"Yes Claudia, my wedding ring. My son and I need it to look like a progressive family today. "Our Human History" is this year's theme, and it was a very important symbol in the Old World. Did you forget to bring it?"
A tall, gold colored giraffe in a wide brimmed hat smiles and whispers to the woman next to her. She and the rest of Mom's retainers never miss a chance to humiliate someone.
"I-I, I didn't-- I-I thought you said--"
Mom rolls her eyes and interrupts the girl. "Claudia, an executive assistant would be giving me solutions instead of excuses. Think like a leader here for a second: what are you going to do to correct this?"
Julia sits quietly across from you, looking just as sick of the hazing as you are. Her morning workout gear has been changed out for black business suit, the same as everyone else, a pair of black army boots, dark aviator sunglasses, and an earpiece.
Claudia's clipboard clatters to the floor. "I-I can still go get it! B-before the shoot, there's still time!"
Mom gives her a harsh look. "Well, I can't imagine how you plan on doing that. This limo isn't turning around."
"Wh--?"
The vehicle comes to a halt and Mom throws open the door.
"It does stop at red lights though."
Scared little doggy eyes dart around in a panic.
Mom touches the door frame and taps her fingers impatiently.
"Do you want to be part of the problem, Claudia, or part of the solution?"
The girl freezes, and for the briefest moment she even looks to you for help.
...
Claudia flings herself out of the car and takes off down the street towards the mansion, a roar of laughter following her as the whole limousine joins in on the fun.
Except for you and Julia, at any rate.
Aurelia Augusta, the giraffe, lets out a haughty cackle that makes you want to grind your teeth. "Oh, but did you see the little thing shake? Poor mutt almost wet herself, bless her heart!~"
"I didn't realize she was part retriever, Director!" Jokes another, and the car erupts into more laughter.
Mom, fighting back the giggles and shutting the door, playfully waves her hand. "Could be she is! I'll have to ask the next time she drops my good Venetian glass."
A pang of guilt bites at your heart. That incident was your fault, not hers.
"Sycophants..." You mumble as the conversation moves on.
"What was that, Johnny?" Asks Mom. "I couldn't quite hear you, sweetling. Is something wrong?"
Julia's eyes meet yours. "Don't do it." They seem to say, but you speak up anyways.
"I said she didn't deserve that, Mom."
Aurelia gives you an unamused look, while Mom's smile fades somewhat. "Didn't deserve what, dear?"
Oh don't play dumb.
"You told her yesterday it'd look disingenuous to wear your wedding ring without Dad on stage. You even told her where to leave it. Claudia's always doing her best for you, and she didn't deserve that."
Mom reaches over and pats your leg.
"Oh don't be so dramatic sweetness, this is all just a part of her education. If Claudia's ever going to be a party member, she needs to learn to anticipate people's needs. Everyone here went through the exact same thing at her age when we were staffers."
Your eyes narrow at her. "We're supposed to "be better" though, aren't we? Isn't that the family motto? It seems to me the "better" thing to do would be to break the cycle and spare her the hazing."
Someone further down the bench points to you and murmurs, while Mom puts her hand on her chest and coos.
"My son, girls! What a little gentleman! He always follows his heart and tries to be nice to everyone. He gets that from his father's side, you know. Such a good boy..."
Mom reaches out to ruffle your hair playfully, and soon all the little sycophants are doing the same, cooing about how cute you are, and telling her what a little angel you must be.
It's enough to make a grown man want to scream.
"It was just a little bit of harmless fun Johnny, I promise. Won't you put your smile back on for me? Pleeeeease? Aurelia can apologize to her tomorrow for me if it would make you feel better, okay lovey?"
The giraffe snorts and takes a sip of brandy. "I don't know about that, ma'am." She quips, eliciting a few more chuckles from the others.
"That's not..." You grumble, but give up. There's no use telling anyone anything in this car.
Mom pinches the bridge of her nose and looks down, letting out a long, huffing sigh. “Johnny, I’m trying to meet you halfway here, but you’re not making this easy. Reminding others of the hierarchy is just part and parcel of the work that’s fed you your whole life. You have to understand that I can’t be seen going easy on Claudia, or else people will start thinking I play favorites and try to use her. I don’t revel in being cruel, but that’s just the way power works. It’s not about you today, so can you please just put on a smile, stop being fussy, and do this for me because I need you to?”
You look around for some kind of support, but the rest of Mom’s retinue is pretending not to listen, while the most Julia can offer you is a quick, sympathetic look.
”...I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t mean to cause problems.”
Her hand comes to rest on your shoulder again, and she flashes you the too-wide smile of a grade school teacher. “You’re just a boy dear, it’s okay. Now, how about that smile, huh? Show mommy your biggest and brightest smile!~”
You think you’d die of cringe first.
Thankfully, Julia comes to your rescue before she can try to press the issue. "We're here, Director. Door opens in T-minus 10 seconds." She says, giving you just long enough to compose yourselves before opening the limo door.
A sea of cameras and microphones greet you on the other side as Mom waves to her waiting throng.
Thusly does the day's ordeal begins.
"Aaaand big smile!"
Your mother and the mayor give their best impression of a genuine smile and shake hands, just as the flash goes off.
"Excellent! Perfect even! Hold it like just a few more shots..." Says the cat behind the camera.
A couple more flashes, a couple more photos in front of City Hall.
Mom's yearly speech about justice, patriotism, and the beauty of the Anthrostate Project is over, another resounding public relations success as always.
Up next is the after-speech photo shoot, followed by the airforce flyby. After all, what's the point of a public holiday if you don't say how great the party is?
For now you sit and wait for your turn in front of the flashing lights, while Mom gets all her important handshake shots out of the way. While there’s obviously the mayor’s hand to shake, there’s also the local Party Secretary, the First Party Adjunct, the Party Holiday Planning Committee Chairwoman, and the Assistant to the Assistant Party Director waiting for a chance at your mother’s mitts.
Elsewhere, an army of “the little people” is stacking chairs and hustling from place to place, cleaning things as they go and attending to anyone with a better ration book than they.
When you were a kid this was the annual “Har-Fest”, dedicated to celebrating the end of summer. That festival was “too human” in origin for the party however, and not sufficiently State-centric besides. Only a committee could have thought up a name as bland and lifeless as Harvest Holiday, and yet...
"The carnival's alright, I guess. The music festival too."
"What was that, Johnny?"
You’re startled. Julia's looking over her shoulder at you through those dark sunglasses of hers.
"Nothing." You say, fidgeting in your seat. At least this year someone thought to leave you a chair.
"If you say so." She hums politely, turning away.
You're trying not to think about this morning, but it's difficult. Off in the distance you can see the annual ferriswheel towering over the city's meager skyline, the most interesting thing to happen here in any given year.
It would have been nice to...
"I'm sorry about this morning, Johnny."
"Hmm?"
Looking up, you see Julia with her back to you as she cautiously watches the crowd.
Even at an event as boring and uneventful as this, Julia still stands vigil as if expecting a mad gunwoman to show.
"Something personal came up last night, and it put me in a foul mood." She says softly. "It was wrong of me to take it out on you, and I'm sorry."
"Oh."
You...honestly weren't expecting an apology. You just kind of assumed the argument was your fault.
Off to the side you see a group of frazzled young staffers, Claudia among them, rushing towards a collection of important looking officials with a large, saran-wrapped plate of fancy cheeses carried between them.
"I forget how young you are sometimes. You don't understand how problematic it could be if we were seen together in public."
You feel your muscles tense and your jaw tighten.
She sighs. "And... I can't blame you for wanting to relive some good memories, after everything that happened this year. I'd want to do the same in your shoes."
The cut on your hand starts to sting as you ball it into an angry first.
"I just don't think Sammy would have wanted you to--"
That does it.
"Can we NOT do this today, PLEASE?"
A few heads turn in your direction. You said that a bit more loudly than you should have.
Julia turns swiftly, raising her sunglasses to look at you with those deep human-blue eyes.
There's so much empathy behind them, with just a hint of pity mixed in, making you want to scream all the more.
You are so damn sick of being pitied instead of listened to.
"I'm just worried about you, Johnny. No need to get upset."
"Yeah, well, maybe don't be, huh?" You snap. "You're my bodyguard, not my therapist. Stay in your lane, little prole."
Where the hell does she get off bringing Sammy into this?
Cutting off her response, you stand up and brush past her, making a B-line for your mother.
Hands are shaking and face flushed, you just can't seem to breathe normally for some reason. It's like you're not quite here right now, the world slipping by without you really knowing where you’re going.
You hate this. You hate the cameras, and you hate the fake smiles. You hate all these stupid uniforms, and you hate being marched around in front of everyone like some kind of–
”Johnny?”
You're in front of Mom now. You're not quite certain when you found her.
”H-hey.”
Her eyes widen enough to send a pang of guilt through your chest as Mom’s small, furry hand touches your cheek. “You look troubled, dear.” She says seriously. “Was all this too much?”
”I can't be here today. I'm not doing alright, I…”
A camera flash off to your right makes you wince involuntarily.
The sound of boots on pavement approaches from behind as Julia makes her appearance, Mom giving her some kind of knowing expression before turning her eyes back on you.
”That's okay, sweetling.” She says with a sad smile. “A few photos would have been nice, but you made it through the ceremony and that’s–”
Another flash goes off to your right, and you wince again. Tucking you protectively against her body, your mother snaps her fingers angrily at the camerawoman and snarls. “Don't you dare! Bring me the camera right now, we are deleting that photo! Julia, have the car brought around, you and Johnny are leaving early.”
”Of course ma’am.” She says, and steps aside to say something over her earpiece.
Now that you can breathe, this all feels so silly. What were you even upset about? A misguided argument about Claudia? A press conference? It’s been a whole year and you said you were up for this, so why are you feeling so pathetic?
Letting go reluctantly, your mother snatches the camera from the photographer’s hands and starts flicking angrily through the photos.
”--ring the car up. The Director’s son and I are–”
Your ears are burning. This was such a childish thing to do. You can still stop before you humiliate yourself any further. Today hasn’t been so unbearable. You can tolerate a few cameras.
Unfortunately, that’s when Aurelia shows up.
”So soon already, Madame Director?” She asks, tittering in that obnoxious way of hers. “We haven't got a single thing with him, much less him and Samantha!”
Your heart pounds in your chest again. She’s holding a framed headshot of someone.
”Aurelia, NO! Absolutely not, we nixed that idea a month ago!”
The fat giraffe raises up your sister’s face, smearing the photo frame with grease from whatever hors d'oeuvres she's been pigging on.
“An in memoriam makes such a good centerpiece though! Just imagine the raw emotion: The two of you, standing together holding–”
An olive green uniform and a matching beret. A flag in the background, and your sister’s familiar face...
An easy smile that says “I'm invincible.”
You fucking lose it.
Aurelia tumbles over, crashing to the ground like a beached whale when you charge over and rip the photo frame from her hands.
”DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!”
Every head turns this time.
”Johnny, we weren't–!”
”AND YOU!” You roar, storming towards your mother with shaking hands. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? COULDN'T YOU HAVE LET THE GRASS GROW ON HER GRAVE BEFORE DIGGING HER UP FOR PHOTOS?!”
”We weren't going to, Johnny! This is–!”
Someone’s paw comes to rest on your shoulder, and you react rather poorly.
”DON'T TOUCH ME!” You shout, swinging blindly behind you. Julia doesn't even flinch when your fist bounces off her chest.
There it is again, that look of pity in her sad, human-blue eyes.
The same look everyone else wears whenever...
”Please don’t, Johnny. I’m your friend.”
You take off running.