Chapter Text
It was a random sunday morning, nothing huge on the schedual, he had a few mission, easy ones, like patrols and cleaning up some small trashbeasts, and his evening is all un-occupy.
At first nothing happened, just the regular morning, him getting ready, eat breakfast with the others, listens to Enjin very important stories, catching up with some of the others, talk with Riyo and trained with Rudo for a bit, very normal.
But sometimes his stomach would make this weird churning feeling that he can't quite understand, he didn't do anything yesterday to overused his vital instrument, and he certainly didn't remember eating anything that would lead to this.
So in that very case, this is just probably some weird stomach problem, nothing big, it will probably pass without him even noticing.
With that in mind Zanka had nothing to think when he went to complete his missions, it was just a stomach ache afterall, he can handle it just fine.
First mission was the first that Zanka started to feel akward, he was used into jumping and running and doing crazy backflips in the air while fighting trashbeasts, heck he might even do a cartwheel while doing it.
So when he started to feel nauseous after running for quite a while, Zanka feel a little wary, sure he was some ordinary guy, but he can't be THAT bad to actually lose to Rudo who seem like he didn't even break a sweat!
"Zanka... u'okay?" Rudo asked while running, glancing a few times back to his shoulder.
Zanka can't really think of a reply, honestly seeing Rudo worry for him stirred some annoyence in him, but again, it's not normal for even Zanka to be this quiet.
"Just keep running, dammit!" Zanka said back, already out of breath.
Rudo doesn't seem to like that answer very much, since Zanka didn't actualy answers his questions, Zanka ignore his glare only focusing in trying not to puke while also not dying, and if Zanka notice Rudo slowing his speed even just for a bit to match Zanka messy steps, he will probably denied it.
They run for a while to hide inside the ruins of a building, the trashbeasts while not so big where quite many by numbers, and since Rudo can only used his vital instrument 3 times and Zanka were not in a very... optimal condition, they decided to think of a way to destroy them all in one go.
After a while they make a plan, where Zanka would kill as many trashbeasts as he can and buy time to let Rudo collect the right trash that can destroy them all, Zanka wasn't actually a fan to go all on his own at the moment, but he was not backing down either.
So he swallow what could be the feeling of his nauseousness and just run along with it.
One hit, two hit, triple hit, a smash to the ground, a spin of asisstaff, a slammed on the trashbeasts face, it was going well.
Zanka finally gained his momentum back and he was absolutely thriving at the moment, atleast for a short moment.
When Zanka run there, Rudo can only think of how Zanka seem a little paler than usual, and Zanka was already as pale as he needs to be! he also sweats alot, like crazy alot. But Rudo were not so rude until he actually grazed Zanka's pride, but if anything Zanka might be sick.
But he doesn't cough, or sneeze, or have a flushed face, he just look... dazed, Rudo can't really understand why the man didn't say anything, and the man in sense is a bastard himself, but Rudo would not let him drop on his occurd.
So he focused himself in searching for something that could help them wipe the trashbeasts all, or atleast in a wide range.
Just when Rudo thinks of it, he notices a toy gun, a plastick one that is, that's it! He can make something close to a canon or atleast a blaster with these!
But when Rudo thinks his luck is just praising him at the moment, Rudo heard a big crashing sound, worried Rudo turn around and notice Zanka om the ground, struggling to stand up.
Without further adue Rudo runs there with 3R activated.
Everything was going so well, So damn well and his nauseous had to kick in with an extra attitude just when Zanka was about to hit the final blow!
What is wrong with him today?! Everytime he stands up his stomach would feel like someone was punching him right in guts, and it feels like he would throw up everything he eats that day!
Just when Zanka thoughts his suffering will be over, sadly it was shortlived, he was just gaining his momentum back, actually quite happy about it when suddenly his ears ring and there's a sudden push inside his abdomen that makes him gag.
As a result the trashbeast swing it's tail and it slammed right into Zanka's sides, he didn't even have time to protect himself when his body hit the ground.
'The hell is wrong with me...?! Get up you idiot! Get up!' Zanka screamed in his mind, but his body were just not listening to him.
Zanka gritted his teeth and force his body to move, he have to do something. Anything! He can't die here! He can't be weak! He promised himself he would be better than this, how can he be strong if he can't even control a situation this simple?!
Moving with sheer determination, Zanka moved his feet and stand up shakingly, not all that good, but it was something.
He was ready to do another attack when suddenly Rudo flung from the sky and blast the trashbeasts away into bits and dust.
Zanka stood there, shocked, but then there's a growing annoyence too, then iritation, then jealousy, and then there's just... anger, as Zanka saw how easy it was for Rudo to defeat the trashbeasts.
That's how it always been. Geniuses that is.
"Zanka..!" Rudo called as he blasts the last trashbeasts away "you okay? What happen? you froze mid-air" he pointed out.
Great, now he had notices how sloppy Zanka really was.
"It was nothing," Zanka answered bitterly "stop poking your nose in everyone problems, will ya?"
That answer seem to get into Rudo nerves, Zanka didn't even understand what makes him so angry that Rudo saved him, he should be thankful right?... Right?
It doesn't mean he was weak or anything.
Rudo clenched his fist and stare right into Zanka eyes, the same way that Zanka hated it when people was about to push his buttons.
" 'nothing'? Be real dude! You will get crushed if i didn't come in time! Why didn't you dogded it?!" Rudo exclaimed angrily.
That snapped something in Zanka, the mixing feelings in his stomach and the banging headache that came out of nowhere didn't help either.
"It was none of your bussiness!" Zanka shouted at Rudo "i never asked for your help!"
Rudo gritted his teeth, why was Zanka being so difficult? Why was he even angry to begin with?he saved his life, is he that full hatred towrads him tp begin with?
"Oh so what?! Being saved hurt your pride there mister perfect?! Why can't you just answer my questions!!"
"Because there was nothing to answer!! Who are you to question me anyway?!"
This is getting ridiciculous Zanka thought, he knows that but he just can't stopped. Something within him just screamed at him to never admits anything, Zanka didn't even know why he was acting the way he did.
Everything just feels wrong, his tone feels wrong, his stomach feels wrong, his hearings feels wrong, even the way Rudo talk seems wrong.
Zanka wished with all his might that Rudo would just magically shut up already, but It's Rudo, if anything he was only getting louder.
"I know you don't like me but atleast be reasonable!! Why won't you just tell me?!" Rudo shouted, trying his best to not used the words that might hurt Zanka's feelings.
And then suddenly Zanka lost his final buttons, he gritted his teeth and look dead straight to Rudo like a predator that was hurt way too many time.
"Maybe It's because you were NEVER someone who is worth of trust!!"
The words hung in the air, the moment Zanka said it it feels like the air hold It's movement to watch everything in It's downfall.
It took Zanka merely a few seconds to realize what he had just said to Rudo, but everything was too late when Zanka saw Rudo expression change into something he had never see before.
He half expected a punch, or for Rudo to use 3R on him and attack, but instead his expression turned into one of a bitterness and he left without saying anything, as if Zanka was not even in the right mind to listen to whatever Rudo had to say.
"Ru... do..." Zanka called, barely. He was not even sure he spoke the name more louder than a whisper, but something in him wished that Rudo would have miraculously heard him.
As Zanka stand alone, he was suddenly very aware of how big the space around him feels, but at the same times it feels so tight like it was suffocating him.
He stare into the spot where Rudo had once been standing into the space where Rudo was gone to, he talked with Follo and Tomme, he seem iritated but he looks like he feels a little more lighter with them.
That got him wondering, does he ever make Rudo feel that comfortable around him?
The feel in his stomach are more perminent now, constantly aching and turning, but Zanka mind was so full he didn't even know what to do first, either double down and puke, let his body fall and passed out, or both in that order.
"Zanka."
He turned around to see the man who called him, it was Gris, always with that soft worried smile with a gentle gaze.
"Are you okay?"
Why does everyone keep asking him that?
"M'fine, just... bad day." Zanka answered, not a complete lie.
At that Gris only nodded he looked at Zanka with this weird look on his face that he couldn't read, like Gris was reading his soul like an open book and was tracing everything that might lead to a conclusion.
Then all of a sudden, Gris pulled out to what seem like a bag of pills, stomach ache pills to be exact, Zanka stared at Gris with a annoyed look, but Gris only smiled and forced Zanka to take them.
Damned the man for having such a strong grip.
"Just incase, and also..." Gris said, trailing off as his eyes look at Rudo for a split second "i think it is best to just be honest once in a while, your not the best at hiding things"
Zanka just glared at Gris, but failed as his stomach take a turn again, now he feels like he might actually pass out at any moment.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" Zanka scoffed.
But Gris didn't say or respond, just a slight nod before he left Zanka alone... alone, again.
Zanka looked at the small bag of stomach ache pills, and squeezed them in his hands, he took a deep breath and puts them in his pockets, he'll be fine... he will be fine.
that was the last interaction Zanka had before he parted ways with them, now focusing on his second mission, which is patroling.
He was informed that Tamsy, Bro santa, and Dear santa would joined him to cover more area, it was not long until he eventually was met with them.
As usual Dear santa was being a brat, snarkling at everyone else, but when they make eye contact, he tilted his head and his brow furrowed, like he was confused on why Zanka was even standing.
He didn't say anything tho, as Bro santa pulled him away, tho Zanka would admit he was a little curious why Dear was looking at him like that.
But never mind that Zanka was actually glad he can be alone for some time, when they did talk about which ground to cover, everytime Zanka opened his mouth he feels like his stomach would make it a chance into forcing him to puke, resulting in him choking many times while talking.
God, his eyes burned. but he can't aford in giving up to his condition.
He forced himself step by step to patrol atleast half of the area he was passing by, no trashbeasts so far, and Zanka wished it would stay like that.
Of course, the world prove him wrong again by giving him a suprise token of love with five trashbeasts emerging out of the ground, how confinient his life really is.
Zanka clicked his tongue and get into his fighting position.
First trashbeasts jumped at him trying to bite his head off, but Zanka moved to the side and hit the trashbeasts face with asisstaff, crushing it's head.
The second one moved from behind, a terrible attempt at some kind of a sneak attack, Zanka jumped and pin the trashbeasts down, the spikes on asisstaff pierced into the trashbeasts skull like a skilled butterknife.
And then the wave of nauseous hit him again, and suddenly he was stumbling around to not let his body expeled anything he had in his stomach.
It was a terrible timing, as the other three trashbeasts were already jumping at him at a incredible speed.
Closing his eyes to accept his fate, Zanka braze himself of some impact, yet nothing did ever come.
He looks up to see Tamsy already holding the trashbeasts back down like somekind of a while animal, tokushin turning more and more tighter until it squeezed the trashbeast into a mesh of junks splatter on the ground.
Tamsy walked elegantly towards Zanka, raising a brow like he was seeing some kind of a phenomenon.
"Why, i never thought i would see you on your kneed like this, Zanka." Tamsy said, always with that smooth and breathy voice of his, it annoys Zanka in some way.
"Thanks, you don't have to do that tho," Zanka says, standing up trying not to pay attention to how shaky his legs feel "i got it cover."
Tamsy look at him again, tilted his head with a smile that didn't seem friendly at all.
"Did you tho? I was pretty sure you were a damsel in distress a while ago" Tamsy said with a shrugged.
Zanka gritted his teeth again, why does everything get on his nerves today? First Rudo, then his bad luck, then Gris, now even Tamsy out of all people?
"None of your bussiness, 'kay?" Zanka said, already glaring at Tamsy.
"It wouldn't be if you weren't on the ground shaking and gagging in the first place" Tamsy said with a unamused tone in his voice "get your shits together."
And with that Tamsy just left him without anything else.
Zanka stood there in silence but with also a mixed of humilation, not only does Tamsy save his ass, he was also being pointed out on his mistakes and his own condition! (Did he really shakes that bad?)
Zanke let out a frusterated sigh and ruffle his own hair out of respite, he had to be better than this, how can he be stronger if he can't even protect himself?
The walk felt like he was walking on the dessert, well, realisticly it was similar to one, despite not going so far from the main town. At this point he was having trouble breathing, his nauseousness just spike up 80%, his head is spinning, his limbs are dead and it feels like his feild of vision just gave up on him.
He kept on walking, how could he not? He snapped at Rudo for no reason, make Gris worried, and had to have Tamsy pointed at his problems and laid them bare.
That combined with everything that was happening inside his body was enough to make him already wanting to give up.
But what worth does he had if he can't even do this right? All he had to do was walk around, making sure there is no trashbeasts left, and report it, it was easy as hell!
So why does it feel like torture right now?
He can always asked for help, but then again he had been quite a problem earlier, and he was not sure his pride would have let him, it was iritating but it was also what kept him going.
Zanka was so deep in thought that he didnt realize he was walking on top of a big bolder, he slip a bit, and his body sway making his vision swim.
Thankfully he didn't fall, the bad thing is now that he swayed his stomach finally guve it's greatest punch and Zanka immidietly doubled over to throw up everything his stomach had to store.
He kept gagging and choking and he let out everything that he had, by the time Zanka had opened his eyes to see what he spit out, there's was nothing but a yellow acid with little chunks of food.
Which also means Zanka's stomach acid was pretty high, and now that he finally emptied his stomach, there was nothing left but his banging brain, ringing ears and blurry vision.
He crawled towards the big bolder, he was tired, so desperately so. He wished he could just go home already, but he didn't even have the power to walked back or to call anyone, now he really wished he had take a break first before doing this mission.
His eyes were tired, he couldn't hear, or even think of anything, sleep seems like the most best option here.
So Zanka take the risk and let his body fall to the very suspiciously cold ground and let his eyes rest.
Not aware that from afar, someone was running to him while calling his name, trying not to let him fall asleep.
Bro santa was not the most sensitive person when it comes to instict about other people, he can't also read people that well to begin with, which is why he seems to always get in Dear nerves.
But he knows, you don't need to have those abilities to see Zanka were not in a very good shape.
His skin seem pale and flaky, there are dark circles under his eyes, he seem worn out like a doormatt ready to be thrown away, hair messy, breathing shallow and also not to mention, wheezing, and Zanka seems to unconsciousnesly held his stomach and pressing on them.
Bro had wanted to asked something, but it feels like something was bugging Zanka even more, like something was preventing him into not saying anything or asked any help.
When they finally part ways Bro mind was filled with Zanka, so he hurried a bit in his patrols, worried that something might happen to Zanka, as it seems, he was not in his best condition to fight trashbeasts alone.
When he did finally managed to finished it in time and was about to join Zanka, he suddenly met Tamsy who was standing unmovingly like he was spying on someone.
"If you want to asked, just asked." Tamsy answered the un-asked questions, he seem bitter about something.
Bro sighed and scratch his head, "are you... spying on someone?" He asked, worriedly.
"Why, yes." Tamsy answered, finally turning around to look at Bro santa "you see, our dear Zanka doesn't seem to be in his best condition, so i followed him."
"Huh? You noticed it too?"
"Of course i did, and saving him from disaster did not exactly fixed his problem either."
"Wait- what problems?"
Tamsy tilted his head and the slight discomfort in his face changed into something more neutral as he finally sigh.
"You didn't know?" Tamsy asked.
"Am i supposed to know...?"
At that Tamsy sighs again, wow, he was actually really bad at this aren't he?
But before he could say anything more, Dear stepped a little more infront of him and grumble something in his baby language.
To his suprise Tamsy looks like he actually understand as he nodded at Dear's words, "exactly, i'm guessing he look more terrible the more you look at him" Tamsy commented.
Which Dear then give a nod of approval.
They stayed there for a few more minutes, from afar, He couldn't exactly see Zanka in crystal clear, but it was enough to make out if something bad happens.
And like what they all had expected, when Zanka didn't move anymore for more than 2 minutes it was time to move, when they finally did reach Zanka tho, he was laying on the ground, wheezing and coughing.
"Seems like he finally gave up," Tamsy said with a sigh again "or more so that his body gave up"
Bro santa was panicking internaly, Zanka was completely out, it didn't seem like he was hurt or poison or anything but still! He was not moving!
"What... what should we do? Zanka might be sick!" Bro santa said, already hovering over Zanka still body.
"Calm down Bro, i'm already calling Enjin" Tamsy said.
Oh! Well... that was a relief...
8 minutes later Enjin with his crazy way of driving stroll into their eyesight, he practicly jumped out of the car and was screaming in panicked.
"WHAT HAPPENED?! IS ZANKA OKAY?!" He screamed.
Or not...
"Shut up will you?" Tamsy said as he side eye the blonde man "He's fine, pyischaly atleast"
Enjin looked at Bro then at the teen who was sound asleep behind him, true there was nothing that seem to be life threatening, but maybe Zanka had overdone it a bit.
"I see." Enjin said, his face hardened for a while, that, Bro notices, but then it changes into worry and sadness before Enjin wears an expressions much more neutral.
Enjin did not say anything else before he carried Zanka inside, Bro, Dear, and Tamsy also hop in and they drove back home to the HQ in almost complete silence, if not for the shallow breaths Zanka took.
By the time Zanka open his eyes again, he was laying down in the infimary of the cleaners, there was a tube attached to him, and a oxygen masked to help him breathe.
Well it does help him but now the oxygen masked feel suffocating to him, so he tried to take it off when a hand stopped him.
"If it was bothering you, atleast asked some help" someone said.
Zanka turned his head to the side to see Riyo, she was still smiling per-usual, but there's some emotions under it that Zanka can't quite name.
"I heard about it," Riyo says, leaning over to take Zanka oxygen mask off "you and Rudo had a fight, you had a stomach ache that you didn't took care of... stomach acid or something, and you passed out during your patrols"
Zanka stayed silent, there's nothing he can do but just stay silent. It was his own fault, he knows that, but hearing it to his own ears felt so much more heavier that it already is.
Riyo, seeming like she reads Zanka mind, finally land the questions that had been torturing everyone, "why didn't you asked for help?" She asked.
It was slow, careful, like she was trying to show that she was not a threat to Zanka, and he hated that feeling. He was not supposed to be like this, but his pride had always get the best of him.
"I don't know," Zanka admitted, voice a little raspy, he didn't know wether it was because he was dehydrated or because of the lump on the back of his throat.
"I thought i could handle it, i should have handle it. But i can't." Zanka continued, voice almkst as thin as ice "somehow i was lying to myself that don't need any help, i want to prove that i can"
Riyo stayed silent, and so did Zanka, none of the dare to say a word, something hasn't clicked in place yet, until finally Zanka took a breath and finally set the words.
"I was wrong, i was scared that i'm wrong, so now my pride was eating me alive" he continued, finally letting out what he had been trying not to think about.
Riyo didn't said a word for a while, just silently staring up at Zanka, no expression or anything. It was actually quite creepy at first, but then a slow, small, lazy smile creep up at Riyo lips, it seems a little blue too.
"Haahh... i get it," Riyo suddenly sigh out, she looks up with this unexplainable expression still with the same smile "sometimes we just want to proved it to our own self the most."
The words hit harder than it should for Zanka, he never think of it like that, but maybe under all the pressure he put himself in, Riyo Might have some point in it.
"I..." Zanka didn't know how to answer that, he look away, embaressed, but also because he couldn't bare to look at Riyo, he didn't know why, he just feels so much at the moment.
Riyo who see Zanka having trouble to say anything, finally then sighs again, she was thinking about to just push a little longer, but it seems this was enough.
"Between you and me, Zanka..." Riyo says as she stands up from her chair "honesty suits you so much more better"
Hearing that Zanka looked at Riyo again, but she wasn't looking at him, just silently walked out of the infimary.
She stopped midway on the door, glancing back a few seconds with something Zanka couldn't name as worry, sadness, or both.
"Talked with them." She said, before finally closing the infimary door.
Zanka was now left alone again, tho this time, he felt a little light, a bit guilty but determination were burning inside of him, not out of pride, but purely because he knows he needs to do something to fixed this.
It was almost bed time when Rudo saw Zanka walking towards him, the dining hall was empty, so there were only two of them.
Obviously, Rudo was thinking to leave, but something about Zanka make him stay there, he knows the guy wouldn't just come to him if it weren't for anything, so he wanted to hear what Zanka had to say.
There was an odd silence at first, just akwardly staring at eachother, a few seconds pass and Rudo patience was wearing thin.
He opened his mouth about to say something, but then Zanka cut him off.
"Sorry." He said, looking down his sandals "for what i said on today's mission"
Rudo froze, he knows the guys was about to say something to him, but it wasn't exactly this. he really thought the guy would try to spin his way around or something.
"You were actually apologizing?" Rudo asked dumbfounded.
Zanka looked at him like he was ready to bite his head off, but then he took a deep breath and sigh, not just any sigh, those long, tired, and exhausted sigh.
"I know, weird right?" Zanka said as he shrugged "i'm not dumb enough to not say sorry when i make a mistakes"
Rudo looked at him again, thinking of what he should say, he was not good with words, probably will never be, but somehow, he wanted to try.
"Yeah, weird as hell." Rudo replied, scoffing at how soft his voice suddenly sounded "i understand, you were frusterated. been there, even snapping at everyone."
The respond sound so much more better than what Rudo had trying to say, but when he notices Zanka taking a seat next to him, he knows he had said something right.
"Yeah, you always snapped at everyone tho" Zanka commented.
Bitch. Rudo thinks to himself, but then his rising annoyence subside when he heard Zanka chuckling, like actually chuckling, he didn't know have he ever seen Zanka this carefree or gentle, but one thing in Rudo's mind is, it absolutely suited Zanka way more than his usual sassy smartass attitude.
"What?" Zanka asked, feeling that Rudo was looking at him.
"Nothin', you just look different. " Rudo shrugged.
Zanka frown at that answer, but he sighs and just look down again, "I guess, i feel different." He replied.
"Yeah? Well, i'm not gonna push it tho" Rudo answered back.
They both stayed silent at that, Zanka himself are a little stressed up at the thought of having to talk his mind out loud, and Rudo seem nervous about that possibility.
So with what Rudo can managed as a 'happy expression', thinking of the words that a very specific person had told him, he turned to Zanka and nodded, "but you can always be... honest, i think." Rudo finally says.
Zanka smiled (or more of a smirk) and nodded, before then Rudo left without saying anything more, he was starting to get tired anyway.
Zanka looked down at the table again, he didn't notice it, but there was a soft small smile on his face as he thinks about tomorrows very long day.
He thinks Rudo absolutely stole that word from either Enjin or Riyo, but maybe it was his dad who teach him that word... who knows, whoever teach that little raskal his vocabulary, did an absolute great job.
Zanka sighs as he look up and stretched his body away, careful not to hurt himself, "tomorrow were gonna be lots of apologies."