Chapter Text
Mel could barely keep her eyes open as she read the chart of the elderly woman she was caring for. A nasty fall down the stairs in her home had alerted her neighbours, who called the police and found the woman. A fracture in her tibia and collarbone got her sent up to the OR so they could fix them.
Rubbing her face, Mel stood up straight and looked around the ER. It was an unusually calm night, where only a few traumas had arrived during the hours. Glancing at her clock, Mel took a deep breath, seeing it was only an hour before the shift ended.
Robby had asked her if she could consider switching to night for a while since one of the doctors working nights was on sick leave for a while. Mel considered it and thought maybe change would be good for her after these 10 months of stress and terrible nights of sleep.
This was her first night, but Mel found this better already. Guessing that fewer people screw up during the night. Abbot had been kind and told her about how stuff runs during the night and introduced her to everyone. Some she already knew, but other faces were totally new.
Lena shouted that an incoming trauma was coming, and Mel snapped back to reality. It was a middle-aged man who was found unresponsive by his wife in bed. She had tried to wake him, but he didn’t really wake up and only groaned when she touched him. It was all so sudden. They had tried to save his life, but nothing could be done. A silent stroke had taken his life.
During their time trying to help him, the wife stood outside with one hand on the glass and the other on her rounded belly. Tears ran down her face as everyone in the room stopped their attempts.
“Time of death 6:47,” Abbot said, staring down at the clock in his hands. “Mel, will you be with me and notify the wife?”
“I will be right behind you,” Mel answered and followed Abbot.
As soon as they came out, the wife started to wail, and her screams filled the ER. Abbot held the woman by her shoulders, leading her into a calm and quiet room. Mel did everything in her power not to let her own tears fall at the woman's breakdown. Abbot sat with her, a hand on her arm, explaining everything that happened and his cause of death. Mel stood up, her eyes on the wife.
“Your husband suffered from a stroke, and his brain was left without oxygen for too long. I am so sorry for your loss,” Abbot said and stood up. The woman clutched her stomach and nodded at his words. “I will let you be for the moment, and our colleagues will be back.” Abbot had a sad smile on his face as he left the room, Mel following shortly behind.
With a deep breath, he leaned against the ER counter. “That was rough.” Mel nodded and swiftly wiped away the tears threatening to spill out. “It is good to let it out,” Abbot said and turned to her, leaning his back against the counter now.
“It sometimes feels a little better, but I wish I didn’t feel so much.” Mel quietly said and leaned back just like Abbot.
“It is good to feel it all, the pain and the love a loved one left behind. Even patients. What would humans be without empathy?” Abbot smiled at Mel and squeezed her shoulder. “Get ready to go home now. You did great tonight. Everyone here agrees with me. We’re glad to have you working with us, Mel.”
“Thank you, sir.” Mel smiled at Abbot as he stood up and left to talk to Lena. It had been very rough, and Mel cursed herself for letting her own emotions get in the way of the patient's feelings. Mel should’ve been more present, offered a shoulder, and condolences to the woman. Instead, she stood there, eyes filled with tears. Mel took a deep breath and shook her head, trying to get these feelings out of her before she heads home.
After a moment, Mel stood up and walked towards the lookers when she spotted someone standing by the lockers.
Dark, slicked-back hair.
Blue eyes glowing like the ocean in the lights.
His stethoscope was around his neck, and his hands were holding it.
Unlike the last time she saw him, he now seems to be contained and calm.
It was like looking at a totally different person for a moment.
Something about him was tense, but she couldn’t point her finger at it.
Suddenly, he turned towards her, and his eyes widened, arms falling to his sides.
Mel smiled and waved at him, taking a few steps towards him. “Hi, Dr. Langdon.” It was quiet for a few seconds.
Langdon swallowed and took in Mel before him. “Hey, Mel.”
“How are you?” Mel opened her locker and took out her bag before turning to the man beside her. She glanced at him up and down, trying to not to make it all too obvious.
“I’m… okay,” Langdon said with a strained smile. “You work night shifts now?” He said, trying to change the subject.
“Oh, just for a while. Robby asked.” Mel saw him flinch when she mentioned Robby, and she immediately regretted her words.
“Ah, you... liking it this far?” Langdon continued, leaning against the locker and folding his arms over his chest. His wedding ring was glowing in the light, and Mel swallowed. Frank opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and he put his arms in his pockets.
“It was an okay first night, but definitely better than the days I’ve been working recently,” Mel said, laughing lightly. “I wonder if I should switch permanently.” She was burning up under her scrubs, she realized.
Langdon nodded and smiled, a more genuine one this time. “The day shift would miss you.” Langdon swallowed. “I’d miss you.”
Mel unconsciously took a deep breath at his word before she smiled. “I haven’t decided. This was my first night.”
Langdon glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. “Sorry, I should let you go home and get some sleep.”
“No worries, have a great first day back.” Mel smiled at him before taking a step back. “If I knew you were coming back, I wouldn’t have switched to nights.” Mel felt blood rush to her face and tried not to cringe at her own words.
Langdon laughed lightly before backing away, too. “Thank you, Mel. See you tonight?”
“Yes.” Mel waved and turned around, suddenly feeling her heart beating way too fast.
***
Langdon had both dreaded and dreamed about this day. Being back at the ER was strange after 10 months. A part of him felt that it all was new, but as soon as he took a few steps, his headspace went into work mode.
These last 10 months have been rough with rehab, therapy, and the NA meetings. Getting clean of benzos was hard, everyone told him, and that it would take a long time and affect his whole life onward. They were right, it was so hard he considered giving up a few times. But the hardest part of getting clean was his divorce, which happened in the middle.
Langdon understood why his wife left him. She was worried about how she and the kids would handle his recovery. He wasn’t the easiest person to be with before getting clean, and definitely not during it either. They had both agreed that this was the best for both of them and the kids. Langdon still saw the kids several times a week at Abby’s place. But he had noticed their hesitation, and they most likely saw how this all affected both him and Abby. The coach at the NA meeting told him that it was normal and that kids are smarter than one would think. But Langdon couldn’t shake off the guilt he felt about causing his kids pain because of his addiction. So, every time he even thought about numbing his pain, whether it was because of his back or the guilt, he told himself that he would become the dad his kids deserved, and that wasn’t an addict.
By this point, he and Abby were civil, friends even. It had been strained at first, but time proved that they worked well as co-parents, and even better as friends. A few times a week, they all ate dinner together at her place, and Langdon helped her put the kids to bed. If they felt like it, he and Abby could sit on the couch and just talk. It felt good to be civil and be able to talk, and during these talks, Langdon had apologized and said he was trying to be better for himself, her, and the kids. Abby had smiled while holding his hand and said that she never doubted him and that he had always been a strong man. But the love wasn’t there anymore. What once brought them together didn’t exist anymore, and it pained both of them to not feel like they used to.
Despite the divorce being finalized, Langdon couldn’t take off the wedding ring on his left hand. A part of him dreaded coming back and seeing everyone. They would know everything and know exactly what happened to him. Some would maybe blame him, others would understand. But he couldn’t stand the thought of explaining his addiction now, even less his divorce and the situation with the kids. So, he kept the wedding ring on for now and would let it go a few months before he considered taking it off.
But this morning, he regretted putting it on his finger.
10 months ago, he worked a shift he thought would be just like any other, but it left him wounded in several ways.
It would have been just like any shift, but then the conflict with Santos happened, and his world crashed. At the same time, he met Mel, and it felt like his eyes opened for the first time.
Seeing her work and move around the place had a bigger effect on him than he initially thought in the moment.
During these 10 months, he had spent more moments than he would have liked thinking about Mel and the moments they shared. It had been one day where they spent a few hours together. But those moments had helped him through these long months more than he liked to admit. In his head, Langdon replayed how their meeting would be when he came back, and he knew exactly how he would act and what to say. But when he stood there, and he saw her, all the words and thoughts disappeared from his mind. All he could think about was how he had dreamed about this moment.
Reuniting with her.
Langdon knew it was wrong; he was both her superior and coworker. To make it worse, they had only known each other for a few hours.
When she smiled and waved at him, he could only think about how happy he was that she was there. All these months of replaying their moments in his head, all their words and touches came down to this moment. How she spoke and took care of patients, her careful and empathetic nature, and her actions. It had all touched him deeper than most things he experienced. He felt inspired and fascinated by her. Langdon wanted to know more about her, about what was going on in her head and what her heart beats for.
Langdon noticed her eyes flicking down, and he cursed in his head.
The wedding ring.
The stupid wedding ring.
Langdon shifted his arms and put his hands into his pockets, trying to make himself think that it doesn’t matter.
All this time, he has had hope for something that doesn’t exist outside his head. He knows it’s pathetic and stupid. It was like being a teenager again, seeing a girl and immediately falling for her.
But it was different with Mel.
This wasn’t silly. She had saved him without knowing it, and he cherished their moments every day.
When she said she worked nights, Langdon felt the air leave him but tried not to make it so obvious that he was disappointed. Because he really was, he wanted to work with her as they had almost a year ago.
Mel had waved at him and left, and without thinking about it, Langdon put a hand to his heart and felt it beat faster than usual.
***
When Mel came home, the apartment was quiet, and she went directly for the shower without thinking twice about anything else.
Except Langdon.
It hit her in the shower, how she had spoken and moved before him. Mel thought about every word and action, giving herself critique about the smallest things. It was embarrassing how she had acted, waving and smiling at him like that.
They were basically strangers who worked one shift 10 months ago.
But not one day had passed that she didn’t think about him.
The minutes they shared.
In the ER, everything went by fast, and there was no time for chatting, and Mel knew that. But it was hard to shake off the feeling that no one really listened to her, even when talking about patients. Mel likes to talk sometimes, especially about things that make her happy. But at work, no one listens. No one really saw her other than Dr. King. And that would’ve been fine if there had not been one person who had made her feel different.
Dr. Langdon.
A strong and confident doctor who didn’t back down. Mel admired him for his strength as a doctor, but also his humanity with patients. When working together, he had pushed her for the better and taught her procedures she didn’t know. Even in the moments where she failed and another doctor would’ve lost their patient, Langdon didn’t. He complimented her and encouraged her humanity and empathy.
For the first time in a long time, she felt seen. Like he used an X-ray and saw every part of her.
Mel was used to not being a priority and constantly putting her sister before herself. After and before shifts, Mel visited Becca at the care center, even if it was just for 10 minutes. During their nights together, they watched Becca’s favourite movie and ate her favourite food. It was all for her sister. It was hard, but it was out of love for her sister that she continued to push forward, even during hard times. When life got tough, or a shift went wrong, Mel would think about her sister. But after her shift with Dr. Langdon, he had occasionally entered her mind, and it had calmed her down.
They didn’t know each other and had only spoken a few times.
But it felt like those few moments were the minutes when Mel was seen for the first time.
Mel had returned the day after, excited to find him. But Dana told her he wasn’t working for the time being because of personal issues. Mel heard rumours and nasty words from left and right. But she didn’t want to trust anything but his own words.
Time passed, and a part of her thought they would never meet again. Mel considered texting him, asking how he was and if he needed anything; she was there for him. But never had she dared to press send.
Langdon was married and had two children.
Mel told herself that she was just concerned about a colleague and that there was nothing inappropriate about her sending a message and asking about him. But a nagging part of her stopped her from sending it. And that part ate at her morning, day, and night.
Leaning against the shower wall, Mel took a deep breath before finishing with her hair and stepping out. She put on clean clothes, combed her hair, and did her skincare before moving down to the kitchen to fill her stomach with some food before going to bed. During her shift, she had only eaten a nasty protein bar.
The same brand Langdon had eaten 10 months ago.
Mel felt her stomach rumble, and she took a look in her fridge before closing it, realizing she needed to go to the store. It ended up with two sandwiches and a glass of water. Mel plopped down on the couch and put on the first thing that played, the news. She finished her meal pretty quickly and did the dishes before walking over to the TV again.
On the screen, the ER was.
Apparently, a big accident happened on the main road, and several people were hurt. The reporter stood outside the ambulance bay. Mel sucked in a breath before picking up the controller, her finger on the off button.
Langdon came out running and picked up a child from the ambulance.
Mel paused and followed him with her eyes across the screen. She didn’t turn off the TV for the next few minutes, thinking that maybe he would come out again. But the news began talking about the weather, and Mel turned it off before she fell asleep.
Her body and mind were drained, and it didn’t take long before she fell asleep in her bed, curled in her sheets.
Mel regretted changing to nights now; she wanted to work with Langdon again. Over and over again, she told herself it was just temporary and that soon she would be back on her dayshifts again.
Ever since that day 10 months ago, every day had felt empty and quiet.
Except today, because the world sang to her as she saw him.