Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

It wasn’t unusual at the Hazbin Hotel, for something odd to be happening at any given time.

The occasional swamp room or randomly manifested swamp puddles in the hallways, sometimes haunting screeches could be heard floating on the air through the halls, that one room that was upside down for two hours for no particular reason, surprisingly polite sentient shadows, and of course, the frog and fireflies combo that had invaded the main dining room.

All those things could be delicately but quickly explained to anyone who asked, with the swift follow up advisement that they were not to speak of it ever in front of Alastor, the hotel wide known cause of those anomalies, at the risk of their big mouths being the final nail in their double dead coffin that he would take great pleasure from hammering in.

Or at the risk of incurring Lucifer’s wrath.

Which while not quite as deadly to a Sinner as Alastor’s embarrassment was, could be horribly inconvenient as he was unkillable, probably wouldn’t be sleeping well again, and had an immensely creative outlook to problem solving that would probably leave you finding ducks in places ducks should never be found, the water in your toilet exploding from under you, your shower water becoming… not… water, or your clothing magically transforming into… something else, or nothing at all without warning.

Lucifer was vicious and creative in ways that would not physically harm you but in some if not all ways that was worse than the immediate end to your existence that Alastor would ensure and sadly not a soul in the hotel could stop either of its two most powerful permanent residents from doing any of those things.

So, despite Charlie making a mental note to whack her dad with a pillow at the earliest convenience for forgetting the one thing she genuinely asked him to do outside of the duties Alastor had asked of him, the oddities were waved away and guests were assured they were harmless.

And they were harmless.

The worst that’d happened thus far was a puppet manifested in Vaggi’s hair and it’d panicked in its efforts to remove itself, but outside of its panic, the puppet had been pretty docile, just confused as to why it currently existed. It wound up playing with Fat Nuggets in Angel Dust’s room for an hour dressed in a pretty pink bow until it vanished into a poof of green smoke.

Some manifestations lasted longer than others.

All this to say, was probably why when Charlie walked into the staff kitchen that following morning, she didn’t even double take at the mass of puppets trekking floury footprints along the kitchen counters, or the accompanying hum of their master at the stove.

Walked right on through to the fridge, barely even looking up until the hum registered on her ears and “Oh! Alastor!” The demon startled at being suddenly addressed, having been expecting her to just go about her business after not greeting him immediately upon entry but—he quickly schooled his expression back to his now familiar calm smile. He was wearing pajamas, outside of his bedroom,  his hooves bare! Soft old man round spectacles on his nose!! His collar was loose!! She could see bite marks. Fucking hell, dad you savage.

“Good Morning, Charlie, you’re up quite early…” she averted her eyes to check her watch, yeah… it was pretty early. But she hadn’t had much sleep because someone—she shook her head.

“Yeah, I didn't sleep well, sorry… good morning! What’re you—you’re up early too, didn’t you have a…” really late night “—uh, thing with my dad last night?” He tilted his head as if he didn’t quite understand what those two things had in common. “He said you’d kicked him out of your rooms for some kind of surprise?” She was killing this nonchalance thing.

One of the puppets waved at her, she waved back. 

He turned his head back to the stove, and flipped what he’d been cooking onto a plate one of the other puppets held. Pancakes. She smiled in realisation, he was making breakfast for her father. Something else smelled nice too, nestled comfortably under the smell of cooking pancakes, but she couldn’t place what it was… “Ah yes, it was our one month anniversary! I understand that may not seem quite a grand reason for celebration but—”

Ah, that explained it then, cute! He did care about minor milestones!!! “No! No it’s—” she cut him off, quick to placate, words chosen carefully, she pressed on “it’s nice… he seemed excited all day, he was in such a good mood that he even came up with a cute little idea for an outing with the guests during art therapy, I dunno if he brought it up to you yet but—yeah, you should ask him, he might have forgotten but they’re already talking about it like it’s definitely going to happen and you know how he is.” Adorably forgetful.

“An outing?” Alastor poured another two dollops of the thick mixture into the pan as she swiped one of the strawberries from the punnet offered to her by the puppet she’d waved at.

“Mmhm, something about lassoing you for protection to go on a cute duck scavenger hunt around the ring, I thought it was an adorable idea to boost morale and y’know, you two would get a nice day out too” Alastor chuckled, soft and filled with static, not a bad thing, but the idea of anyone lassoing him did feel somewhat amusing now he was free of his deals.

“Well, I will not be lassoed by anyone, but I believe we could carve some time out of our usual itineraries for the excursion for those truly deserving of such a treat, a pleasant reward for good behaviour perhaps. It would need to be properly planned with the overlords of each of the districts though to avoid any kind of tension while we navigate the ring, such a delicate thing may take a little time to arrange. I would caution approaching the entertainment district but… we cannot avoid it forever.”

“Yeah no, I agree, I was thinking about reaching out for maybe a home talk therapy session thing for Vox… just to try and work through some of his issues involving you, but—Vaggi isn’t sold on the idea.” She liked the prospect of offering it to regular sinners who might be having thoughts regarding the attempt to redeem themselves now it’d been proven possible, but Vox?

Absolutely not. Foot had firmly been put down.

“I don’t doubt that she wouldn’t be. That’d be an awfully dangerous thing to attempt given his current instability… but I can see that danger wouldn’t sway you against the idea though, quite the self-destructive bleeding heart you have, my dear.” She rolled her eyes, he didn’t take it personally.

“I just think that if we could work through the root of his problem with you, if I knew what it was then maybe—"

“I rejected his advances both professional and personal and he’s never quite recovered from it. He convinced himself instead that I was an unfeeling monster, unable to love, to feel attraction, to want more out of life than just destruction and power to make himself feel better, higher, superior. Now that I’m openly displaying that to be untrue with your father, a being he also laughably believes himself to be superior to, I believe he’s having an attack of the subconscious, the things he’s convinced himself of, and what is truth don’t align in reality, and as such…”

“Meltdowns and black outs.”

“Mmhm, Vincent has always brutally taken whatever he wanted, or ruined and destroyed what he couldn’t have, now he can do neither—it isn’t working well for his mind which unfortunately happens to be aligned with the infrastructure that makes up the Pride Ring’s power grid. Would you like some pancakes for breakfast? I grilled your father for the recipe he uses to manually cook them, it should match perfectly.” She smiled and nodded, a tentacle immediately emerged from his back to retrieve an extra plate from the cupboard.

“We can’t keep having blackouts across the ring though, I know we have our own power source here at the hotel to keep the place running but… I can’t just leave everyone suffering it outside of these walls too, the rates of crime and destruction always hike up so high during them…”

“I didn’t think you would. I could always go and finish the job if that’d help?” His smile stretched a little wider, predatory, she quickly shook her head.

“No! No. Nope, I don’t want that” Alastor mockingly snapped his fingers in disappointment “I don’t think you do either, or I'm sure he’d already be toast.” The demon didn’t answer that, his ears dipped ever so slightly though “this outing could be a good excuse to extend an olive branch…”

“It is not I who needs to extend that branch, my dear, and I’d wholly doubt his sincerity if he extended it first given who he is” A nonstarter no matter who tried first, bridges between them firmly obliterated “—I merely rejected his advances. Perhaps I was somewhat cruel in my rejection however I'm a demon in Hell with more than enough experience of his kind to know a gentle kindness wouldn’t have been accepted as concrete a no as was necessary. How I behaved was how I knew I needed to behave to get through to him. His actions following that were entirely his own and have made the bed he now lays in. I will ask Lucifer about his plans for this outing, and if necessary arrange it with the overlords in control of those districts for safe passage during our meeting next week. I offer nothing in regards to the matter of Vox and his nonsense.” Tone final, lacking in any wiggle room, she visibly deflated, eyes lowering to the tiled floors.

That didn’t mean she’d stop trying. “What could fix it then?” Wholly out of her depth as she was with the overlord, it felt like a mountain impossible to climb that was only going to get higher the longer Alastor and her father dated, it wasn’t like either of them were unhappy with their relationship either.

Clearly they weren’t calling it quits any time soon, not that she’d ask them to even with the hotel’s occasional descent into madness. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her father happier than he currently was.

Alastor sighed, his shoulders falling lax as he flipped the pancakes over, his ears finally lowering properly. A melancholy kind of sight undoubtedly brought upon by thoughts of the past. “Perhaps if he could see and appreciate what he already has, two who care enough about him to save him from himself and protect him from scrutiny even now, instead of always blindly reaching for more, it would help him to move on from his obsession with his inability to obtain me.” Vox’s sins, Pride… Greed, and Envy. He’d always claw for what he couldn’t have, what was just out of his reach. Alastor shook his head, his ears perked right back up again, and he turned to face her with a smile “but that would be wholly against his character, wouldn’t it? Now how many pancakes would you like?”

“…Three, please” he nodded and dished the two he’d been cooking onto the plate he’d gathered, before dropping another dollop into the pan as one of his puppets appeared by her side carrying a cup steaming with what smelled like tea, which she gratefully took “oh, thank you…” it let out a cute little rrr sound before scurrying off, going back to feeding scraps to the eagerly awaiting sentient plant. “Do you think that’d redeem him, if he could see and appreciate it?”

“Hahaha! What whacky nonsense, absolutely not.” He flipped the pancake “Vincent committed many atrocities in his life, and has only continued to pile them on in his afterlife. I won’t still deign to assume you’re wrong in your claims that everyone can be redeemed, I believe you’ve earned the right to be offered at the very least the benefit of the doubt in some respects, but… someone like him… Charlie, be reasonable now. He is not the same kind of soft soul that Pentious was, nor is he merely a tragic victim of circumstance like Angel Dust.” Who even Alastor could admit had come leaps and bounds in personality since their first interaction, he was actually becoming quite pleasant company to be around. Still a little vulgar but—he’d changed immensely for the better. “Redemption for him, much like myself, would be an insurmountable kind of trial he wouldn’t care enough about to tackle.”

Long, difficult, and frankly not worth it to a creature that’d spent decades gathering power and prestige in Hell, only to be nothing and nobody in a Heaven unsuited for them. Even if that power and prestige had suddenly taken a nosedive off a cliff.

“There has to be a fix for it all that doesn’t involve you killing him though… or breaking up with my dad. This can’t just continue.”

Alastor shrugged his shoulders, “well I have no intention of leaving my fiancé to appease an entitled temper tantrum throwing little diaper baby and I’m sure Lucifer would be most displeased that the thought had even crossed your mind, so I’ll keep that little titbit between us.” Then with a graceful finesse, deposited the last pancake onto the plate and motioned to it with his free, left hand. “But If you find another solution, my dear, please do let me know, I’d be more than happy to watch from a comfortable distance with your father, I’m sure it’d be a most entertaining disaster, why, we could probably sell tickets!”

“Yeah yeah ha ha, the suffering of other people, soooo fuckiiinn funnnyyyyyy” she put her cup down and grabbed the syrup bottles and fruit punnets, and as an afterthought, the whipped cream. “You know one of these days you’re gonna have to start—” then she paused. Straightened up. And turned to look at Alastor, who was looking over his shoulder at her as if waiting for her to notice. One of his puppets was eating the cooling pancakes he’d already made for Lucifer, no matter, he could make more. “Say that again?”

“Whatever do you mean, my dear girl?” His grin crinkled the corners of his eyes.

“What you said, say that again.”

“We could sell tickets?” He was being purposefully silly now, and while what she knew she’d heard should, and she knew that it should, give her some kind of anxiety, the only feeling she could summon in the moment was excitement.

“Before that” she could play his game, his game was funny.

“Thaaatt your father and I would watch from a comfortable distance?” She couldn’t stop the smile, it was painful for her cheeks to hold it back! Bouncing on her heels, his silly energy infectious.

“Before that!”

“That Vox is an entitled diaper baby throwing a temper tantrum?” Behind him his shadow had its hands over its eyes, shoulders shaking in laughter.

She laughed “Alastor!!” He took the pan off the stove, switched the heat off, and turned to face her. Lucifer hadn’t even awoken yet, he could wait a little longer for breakfast.

“I’m not sure if he’d have liked for us to have told you as a united front… but—” he cradled his left hand in his right, eyes downcast to the ring on his finger, a ring he’d never take off. “I do hope we have your blessing, because I’ll be marrying him with or without it but I, and I’m sure your father too, would like to have it anyway.” She was incredibly important to the both of them, whether Alastor would verbally admit that out loud yet or not, he knew she was.

“Full disclosure I’m going to hug you and you’re just gonna have to accept it, Alastor we’re gonna be FAMILY!!!” He had less than a second to adjust before his arms were full of the Princess of Hell, the pitch of her excitable shriek earning a cringe and a dipped ear but—he laughed all the same, his arms wrapping around her in turn to squeeze ever so gently. “Lemme see, lemme see” she pulled back, immediately grabbing for his hand which thankfully, he had nothing against, allowing her to pull it close to see the ring for herself “oh my gosh it’s—it’s beautiful, IS THAT WHAT HE FORGOT?!”

“Hahaha I believe it might have been, yes. He did rush out for a brief moment last night before following my trail, it’s entirely possible that he was retrieving this when he realised what night it was.” He’d popped to her side, asked random questions then disappeared! It all made sense now why he was so rushed! “I think I can forgive him though” as if Alastor was ever angry at him.

No wonder those anomalies had lasted all night. She couldn’t even hit her dad with a pillow now!! They were celebrating! Of course he’d forgotten about her request! He’d proposed!

They were horny insatiable bastards, sure, but she couldn’t be mad about it!

That did however raise one complication “Vox is going to lose his entire shit, when this goes public isn’t he?”

“Oh yes and if not at the meeting next week it will be announced quite soon too. That meltdown will likely be spectacular, and while the guarantee of it held no bearing on my accepting, I truly cant wait to witness the carnage!” While his temperament had definitely improved too, Alastor didn’t change much, he still enjoyed chaos more than anything else. He turned back to the stove, returning to his task. Heat on, two dollop’s of the dwindling mix dropped into the pan to cook. “To be entirely serious for a moment though… I believe, if we cannot find a fix for Vox besides killing him… we may have to invest in adjusting the Pride ring’s power grid to align to Lucifer’s immense power, rather than an electrical based Sinner’s influence.”

“Wouldn’t removing him from it hurt him? My dad can’t hurt sinners…” she poured syrup over her pancakes, and sprinkled a few blueberries over the top, a couple of cut strawberries added and of course, topped with a generous swirl of whipped cream. Sickly, sweet, every bit Lucifer’s daughter.

“It’d require burning him out of the infrastructure that he’s infested, and yes that would be quite painful for him, but much like I can painlessly burn him out of Angel Dust’s mind, I can do it without damaging existing structure, Lucifer would only need to swiftly take over the spot left vacant when i’m done to avoid him taking it back.”

“So you do have a fix!” Dig at him enough and eventually—he scoffed, she stuffed a chunk of fluffy pancake in her mouth, yes. It was a perfect replica of her dad’s recipe.

“A half-baked potential of an idea at best. Your father would still need to agree to do that and we both know how deeply his reluctance to engage with Hell’s infrastructure runs… we must begin with baby steps sadly, but this outing idea of his could be a remarkably useful step forward in persuading him that he could be doing more for his people, even if we are a little awful. Seeing the ring in person while out within it… it might help him to see it from your perspective. Oh! Perhaps he ought to come with me to this meeting, explain his idea himself, speak with those currently in power in his ring? I’m quite sure Carmilla would be amicable to his inclusion given he is the King and she really does owe him an in person apology for her part in creating the weapon that harmed him.” And if she wasn’t agreeable, well, he could just go anyway.

It wasn’t like any of them could stop him.

“I feel like that could end badly if they disagree and he gets in his own head though, he is the Sin of Pride… and there’s already a lot of big egos in those meetings.”

“Oh yes, it could be a disaster, my dear, but as you said… these blackouts cannot continue, and it will only get worse after the ring finds out about this” he lifted his left hand, the ring shimmering in the light. “And they will find out. So… I will suggest coming to the meeting with me, and enquire about his outing over breakfast. He should be in a pleasant mood, so just leave it with me.” Did Charlie feel a little bad about allotting a list of chores to the first day of their engagement? Absolutely, was she going to stop it?

Absolutely not.

Things needed to happen and they’d been left to fester for too long, they had eternity to enjoy matrimonial bliss. “Mnn okay. Okay yeah. I am sorry I’ve thrown all this on you today though” she would apologise though. “You two should be… I dunno… spending time together or something, celebrating y’know? This is huge! We have a WEDDING to plan!!”

Alastor huffed a soft laugh as he flipped the cooked pancakes onto a pan, quickly pouring the remaining mixture in to finish up. “Oh make no mistake, we shall be impossible to contact for the rest of the day, I've already assigned my duties to Niffty, Husker, and my little helpers. You were quite lucky to come across me here at all, but there’s no harm in doing what you’ve asked. Two birds, one stone and all that!”

“Well…” big risk, but if she wasn’t going to see her dad all day then— “if you could do me one extra favour that’d be great too…”

“Hm?”

“Can you ask him if he remembers what we talked about yesterday morning, and if he does, can he please… do that, sooner, rather than later?” Alastor turned his head a little unnaturally to cast a raised brow at her “he should know what I mean, it’s important and time sensitive.” For the sake of everyone’s sanity. But mainly hers.

“…Very well, but you know his memory, Charlie…”

“Yeah, I do! But this was yesterday, he should remember yesterday at least, it was super important that he do it quickly but I think he just got distracted with… you.”

“I am very distracting, I'll give you that.” Alastor flipped the final pancake “but sure, can I know what this super important thing is?”

“Just a very minor issue with one of his wards that needs to be patched up, he knows which one.” Alastor mouthed a silent ah, he couldn’t rewrite or fix Lucifer’s wards, he could lay things over them and wildly enough it usually worked quite nicely, their power surprisingly compatible, but if there was an issue with the ward itself, trying to fiddle with it could have adverse reactions that might even unravel and open the hotel’s other wards up to infiltration, best leave him to it.

“I’ll let him know.” At least she could be sure Alastor wouldn’t forget, she just had to hope her dad wouldn’t be stupid enough to reveal just which wards he needed to strengthen. Or that Alastor would be sneaky enough to pretend he knew just to get her dad to reveal it. Curiosity did have a way of killing cats.

Final pancake deposited onto the plate, Alastor then smoothly bent his knees to reach the lower heated compartment on the stove, oven mitt over his hand, he retrieved a small cast iron skillet filled with what looked to be a bread of some kind, eggs, onion, tomato… gosh she looked at her own pancakes and mourned what could have been.  

The other smell. One of Alastor’s recipes.

“Uh…” the slightest of sounds from her had his ears flicking, eyes lifting to refocus on her.

He caught her looking, his smile stretching a little, knowing. “Would you like some?”

“Oh my gosh, please.” Pancakes immediately abandoned, she grabbed a new dish accepting a healthy portion of the meal, immediately sinking a fork in to taste a bite, groaning around the mouthful as all those delicious flavours hit her tastebuds at once. “Best stepdad ever.” If she noticed the subtle record scratch, she said nothing, “thanks for everything, Alastor, hope you both enjoy your day!” And then she trotted out with her prize leaving him standing there staring at her back and then the closing door.

The puppets watching her go, his shadow sharing his wide-eyed surprise.

—

Lucifer was still asleep when he finally returned, face burrowed into and arms wrapped around Alastor’s pillow, hair mussed, blankets wrapped awkwardly around his bare limbs, a few crimson feathers still lingering around the bed itself from the night before when someone had attempted a prideful threat display against himself—so small compared to the bed itself which had been made with Alastor’s proportions in mind.

It almost seemed cruel to wake him.

So he quietly shed his pajama shirt, and took at least a small amount of care in slipping down into his shadows, a larger than usual puppet minion carrying their breakfasts, plates covered by individual cloches atop a silver tray, and reforming seamlessly in Lucifer’s arms, the angel’s face now pressed comfortably into his chest fluff instead of the pillow, his arms around Alastor’s torso.

Just the soft sound of Lucifer’s sleep idled grumbles to show his body had registered the slight change in plushness of the thing he’d been wrapped around. Alastor distinctly less plush than a pillow, Lucifer nuzzled his face into Alastor’s chest, grumbling softly.

Alastor let the tips of his claws graze up and down ever so gently along Lucifer’s back, delighting in the shudder it brought on, the soft little “Mrrmmnn” and shaky exhale into his chest fur.

Yeah, the temptation to just settle back down in Lucifer’s arms and nap for a little longer was quite strong, but breakfast would only stay warm for so long, even under the cloches, and he had gone to the trouble to make it. He drew his claws up higher, threading his fingers into Lucifer’s hair from his nape up, another approving groan “Wakey wakey, little king” he crooned ever so sweetly

“Mnnoo”

Alastor snorted a soft little laugh before tutting and dipping his tone to that of a whine “Oh, but I went to such lengths to make you a breakfast you’d appreciate…” he could feel the moment Lucifer opened his eyes against his chest, the slow ever so endearing lizard blink as his brain slowly dragged itself from the sleepiest of sleeps.

Lucifer lifted his head, eyes still slowly blinking the sleep from them, clearing up to reveal the vision that was his fiancé, definitely not as forlorn as his tone suggested, smiling away like the cat that’d gotten the cream “you’re far too chipper for how late we were up last night.”

“Mmnn well, I didn’t do nearly as much work, I just had to lay there and look pretty for you” an understatement for sure, he took active participation, and if it weren’t for how gentle a lover Lucifer actually was, how much care he put into ensuring everything would be comfortable and enjoyable for the entire event— or simply how quickly sinners regenerated minor muscle strains and cramps, perhaps he would be in a little more discomfort. “And I think you’ll agree I'm quite gifted at doing that.”

As it were, he felt nothing but pleasantly refreshed.

Oh how he adored Lucifer’s soft morning smiles, before he donned the pomp, the air of ceremony of the King of Hell, when he was just a man, or at least an angel masquerading as one. “Oh, the most gifted, for sure, you’re a natural at it.” Alastor would never refuse a morning kiss, always happy to cradle those soft, pink-marked cheeks to guide him in for that simple pleasure of lips brushing lips, no further, no heat, just that.

A perfect precursor to any that followed throughout the day.

“Charmer” he purred against Lucifer’s smiling lips “now sit up and get comfortable, I made you pancakes” he was up. Pillow rearranged to support his back, he fixed the blankets around his legs, and flattened them around his lap, arms atop, ready for the puppets to carefully place the tray across their laps, legs unfolded from underneath it to keep it steady over them. “I hope you don’t mind, Charlie caught me in the kitchen” the domes over the dishes were removed to find two lots of pancakes, one already dressed in syrups, fruit, and cream. “I didn’t want to waste what she abandoned…”

They were still good pancakes! He could have given them to his puppets, or the plant, but—well, they were already draped in the sugary mess that Lucifer usually covered them with, so what would be the harm in giving Lucifer two portions?

“Charlie saw you?” Lucifer’s head snapped to him, a whole pancake already on a fork, paused just before it reached his mouth, eyes wide, darting down to the hand currently picking up a fork to eat his own meal with, the hand wearing that ring, he put the pancake down “and—and she abandoned food…?”

“Don’t fret… she simply saw mine and changed her mind” Alastor pointed down to his dish, still a large-portioned meal, but a piece of the cornbread and its toppings had clearly been cut away. “…She’s aware though” he lowered his gaze to his own meal, ears dipped.

“…I don’t know how to take that tone, or those ears, Alastor, you’re gonna have to elaborate before I panic.” He should have told her, he’d been in such a rush and he’d been scared to hear her question his choice because of how swiftly it’d come about but this was a piece of music he now simply had to face, he couldn’t just avoid his daughter forever.

“After I gave her some of my meal…” fortunate that he’d not used any of his speciality meats in it that morning, but he wouldn’t have offered her some if he had without first warning her. “She called me… the best stepdad ever… she celebrated that we’d be family, seemed excited to plan a wedding… you have an incredibly kind hearted daughter, Lucifer” he’d never actually believed that he’d get a family outside of his mother.

A mother he hadn’t seen in… so long it was a wonder he still remembered her face at all.

He’d wanted one, had always imagined in life that he’d eventually find someone he could tolerate, someone who wouldn’t push or pressure him, perhaps a nice woman who wouldn’t mind what he was, who he was, wouldn’t mind that he’d entertained the less fairer sex, who’d seek comfort in the protection he could provide without pressing for more from him, maybe even someone who could share in his form of entertainment.

Perhaps they could have eventually, sometime way down the line, had a child—

It’d been foolish of course, not only could that person never exist, but he also wasn’t in any way capable of being a father, of raising a child. He had no patience for childish nonsense, he wouldn’t tolerate misbehaviour or backchat, and teenage rebellion? Absolutely the fuck not. He had no frame of reference for what a good father was, what being a good father entailed, only a good mother and he knew his personality was wholly insufficient to take on that role.

He couldn’t have imagined he’d be able to step into a family that’d already developed and split apart, that he’d be able to take on a child already grown as more of a mentor, a guide than a parental figure, even if it suited him better. She needn’t call him dad, but… the fact that it was well within her capability to see him as one… that he’d earned that somehow…

“Bambi…” he wasn’t going to look at Lucifer, wasn’t going to pay any mind to the smile in that tone of voice, the warmth, not yet, his heart still a little too full, a little too close to his throat.

“I know when we first met I joked about her calling me dad to get a rise out of you, but—I never imagined she actually would.” He finally turned to witness the practically glowing angel beside him. Lucifer’s entire being awash in a warm golden glow wholly unbefitting of Hell, breathtakingly beautiful, really. He opened his arm out, and Lucifer immediately burrowed himself into Alastor’s side.

“I remember being terrified that she would… I don’t know what I was so afraid of” perhaps being replaced, no, it was definitely being replaced, she had a dad, he hadn’t realised she could have two. Hadn’t even considered the possibility at the time that Alastor didn’t have to replace him, he could simply stand by him, beside him, that he could fall in love again.

Alastor took a breath, settled his heart. “Your fear of being replaced was written all over your adorable little face, dearest. I could never replace who you are to her… but I can certainly fill in the gaps where you fall comically short” the glow dimmed, Lucifer looked up at him, brows furrowed, mouth a small pout “oh don’t look at me like that, we both know there are certain situations where you struggle” a father, yes, despite how he struggled to keep up with the ever changing rules, he was trying and that mattered. But acting as a guide and mentor? Absolutely not. “This… us… our dynamic with Charlie, I cannot do what you do for her, I cannot be that, but you cannot do what I do either… she needs us both.” There was no overlap of capabilities, they each brought things to the table that’d only benefit Charlie.

It worked well and it seemed like she knew that.

“We match in more than just defensive and offensive ways, huh?” Alastor smiled as Lucifer recalled his comments on their compatibility, his ability to take on Sinners while Lucifer handled angelic threats. They made up for what the other lacked in all aspects of their being, not just confronting threats. “Still a match made in Hell.”

Alastor pressed a kiss to Lucifer’s forehead “exactly… I do believe she’s going to attempt to be a very active participant in planning our wedding though, unless you want some grand spectacle it may be wise to grab her before she begins” understated wasn’t exactly her forte. “Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

“Yeah yeah, okay you’re right, I’ll talk to her later” he had his own ideas for the ceremony, he just had to refine them! He didn’t pull away, and his glow didn’t dim any more than what it already had, he was content to keep himself snuggled up to Alastor’s side as he picked up his fork, the demon already regaining composure to eat his own meal. Not quite raw venison but—it’d do nicely.

“She also mentioned a conversation she had with you yesterday regarding some wards that needed tending to?” So nonchalant in how he brought it up, before taking a bite of his meal, humming in appreciation of the flavours, completely unaware of the atom bomb he’d dropped on Lucifer’s head.

Wards. The wards. Oh he’d—all night!! The hotel had probably—how much chaos had unravelled around the hotel because he’d forgotten?! It was fine in the palace, using his clone to keep going, to enjoy round after round was fine in the palace, it could handle any whacky Radio Demon power overflow, nobody would be around to notice it, but the hotel—

“And some kind of scavenger hunt outing you apparently suggested to your art therapy class?” Oh yeah Alastor had no idea. Lucifer could breathe a little easier, nobody would be stupid enough to bring it up to the demon, and if he just fixed it now, a snap of his fingers, new wards sewn into place around the room, it’d be fine. Totally fine, Alastor would never kno— “should I ask why you just added new wards to this floor?” Shit. Why’d he have to be so goddamn keyed into runes and wards?!

“Uhhh… No. No. Best not. I suggested a scavenger hunt?” He stuffed a pancake into his mouth as he changed the subject. Alastor raised a single brow, but… thankfully, chose not to press. Lucifer would be eternally grateful.

“Mmnhm, and something about lassoing me for protection?” He’d let Lucifer keep his secrets, as long as they didn’t have the ability to harm him in any way. The wards seemed to simply be of shielding origin, protection, nothing threatening. Meant to keep things in, maybe the Bayou had been leaking, or one of the ducks had escaped?

“Oh that!! Yeah, one of the sinners brought up there being duck things spread around the ring and I just—y’know, said one day we’ll go out and hunt em down, first one to spot them all wins a prize!” Not a well thought plan at all given nobody had an exact catalogue of each individual duck, but… it had promise. “She heard about that?”

“Mnhm, the guests are already talking about it like it’s actually going to happen, she was quite pleased with the idea, and even more so that it came from you… I suggested we could speak to the Overlords in charge of the individual districts at the meeting next week, look into ensuring peaceful travel for the outing… if it’s something you actually wish to do, we can probably make it work.” Lucifer was quiet, eating in thought, was it something he wanted to do?

He’d tried before. He’d tried all of this before. Making things better for sinners, he’d tried so many times before he’d given up. Lilith had tried. She’d tried for so much longer than he had, and had kept her hope for so many more years… Now it was working, but his handicap had been revealed. Did he want to put his heart into it again when they now knew they didn’t have to respect the authority that’d been thrown upon him?

That he couldn’t do anything to them if they didn’t?

Was the risk really worth what could amount to little to no reward?

“Do you think I should?” He finally asked as he finished the first plate, casually reaching for the second and the syrups Alastor had brought up with him. He could trust Alastor’s judgement in this.

“I think it’s a novel idea, and could potentially be a lovely outing for us too while we supervise. Not only do the guests benefit from something harmlessly fun with the promise of a prize at the end, but it’ll show the ring a positive view of the hotel and how we treat our guests. A nice look behind the curtain if you will.” Many were still hesitant about the hotel based on Vox’s blatant lies, his antics at the rally with Lucifer only worsening how they saw him too, seeing the Radio Demon, and the King of Hell himself, out there doing something nice for their guests. It might help shed a bit of light on the problem.

Yes, Lucifer was somewhat aloof, and he kept mostly to himself, but he was no villain. He was a disillusioned angel drowning in the inescapable filth created by his own actions.

“You’ll speak to the uh, those Overlords then?” Alastor’s smile softened. Lucifer trusted his word, there was a time that’d have inspired some kind of plot, a plan to exploit the obvious advantage, but… now it was just nice. Gosh he really had gone a little soft hadn’t he? He’d have to kill something as soon as possible, lest anyone catch on.

“We will. You, dearest, will come with me.” Alastor finished the last bite of his cornbread, nonchalant while Lucifer just stared at him in wide-eyed alarm “I will support your idea, and my allies in that room will undoubtedly do the same, there will only be a select few who might disagree but with our combined influence and power, I doubt they’ll fight us on it, there are some in there who owe you an apology too, we ought to get that while we’re there.” It wouldn’t do well to continue without it.

Prideful as they all may be, Lucifer, at the very beginning, was the entire reason they had any power at all. The entire reason they weren’t all slaves to an omnipresent entity more than content with their unquestioned servitude. At least a small amount of respect was to be expected, if not demanded.

“…Okay.” Alastor looked at him, eyes wide in surprise. He’d expected more of an argument. At least some hesitance. “You’re right, I'm the King of Hell, and if I want to help my daughter with the people she’s taken under her wing then I will do so, whether these pesky self-appointed figureheads like it or not, and if they don’t… well…” Alastor grinned as Lucifer stuffed two pancakes into his mouth at once, his sharp row of teeth more than enough inspiration to nudge the idea into his fiancé’s brain, he swallowed “then they’re useless to us, you can eat them.” That’ll teach em.

“Hahaha, wonderful! I do love a good hearty snack.”

“Mnn, speaking of snacks…” Alastor raised a brow “we have all this syrup here…” he licked his lips almost instinctively, pupils dilating as Lucifer’s intent became clear. Alastor watched with rapt attention as he took the bottle into his hand, lifted it over his own bare chest… tipped it over, thumb on the cap as if he’d pop it open. He’d never been one for sweet things but—cap popped. “Would be a shame for my beautiful fiancé to let it all go to waste…”

And Alastor watched, eyes following that thick golden syrup drop from the nozzle down, down—the tray was thrown aside, last pancake lost to the shrubbery, and Lucifer’s cackling laughter echoed throughout the Bayou as Alastor tackled him and his mess into the pillows.

—

True to Alastor’s word, nobody saw them for the rest of that day, or… the following days, almost an entire week went by without sight or sound of either of them save for one singular sighting of Lucifer on the fourth day around the art therapy room, but that was fine, because nothing crazy happened around the hotel.

No swamps mysteriously came and went, no puppets manifested in the halls or rooms, no upside down rooms, no screams, shadows, not even a spontaneous swarm of fireflies. The chaos came to a peaceful stop and Charlie, and the hotel itself, could breathe. Keekee had finally relaxed!

She still knew that they were likely up to stuff up there, but she didn’t know when, didn’t know for how long, and didn’t know the exact moment of climax, so all was great, enlisting Alastor’s help to solve Alastor’s problem? Genius.

Of course he could have discovered the truth, reacted badly, and discovered a way to murder her dad and that’s why they’d not been seen, a running theory by day three, but that was debunked on day four when Lucifer was spotted by Baxter, and Charlie hadn’t believed it anyway since food had disappeared from the kitchen each morning, afternoon, and evening since the last time they were both seen.

Likely pilfered by her dad on various summoning sprees to avoid leaving their floor so they were probably fine.

There were no ring blackouts, no fights, no disasters, no guest problems, Alastor’s broadcast kept a steady cycle of music instead of his usual chaos causing talk show, everything was calm, which would often be when shit hit the fan but nothing unusual happened.

She’d of course told Vaggi about Alastor and her father the same day she’d heard about it. Went directly back to their shared room with her breakfast prize and spilled the beans right there and then as she walked through the doors. For all her enthusiasm about letting the two of them figure it out a month prior…

Yeah it took Charlie a moment and a half to talk her down from going up there and questioning if they’d lost their minds. A month. A singular month. And they were already there?! They were already so sure? Lucifer, THEE Morningstar, was SO SURE about a cannibalistic psychopath that he was going to marry him?! She’d been dating Charlie for YEARS, everything they’d been through together and—okay maybe it’d hit a little close to home that they’d never even talked about it but…

“I see that face” she said, watching the emotions flash across Vaggi’s face as she sat herself down on the edge of their bed “what’s that face?”

“Why have we never talked about doing that?” And Charlie just looked at her with wide surprised eyes, as if she genuinely hadn’t thought about that. Vaggi wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. “it’s been years, we live together, we run this hotel together, we—we fought Heaven together and… what’ve they done? One got drugged and what, lucked himself into Lucifer’s bed by being the most terrifying piece of shit in Hell? And somehow that turned into a marriage proposal when they realised they’re weirdly compatible? It’s been a month… Charlie, we’ve been dating for years…”

“I think… that’s maybe oversimplifying things a little…” Charlie rolled her eyes, surprise settling to a warm smile though as she approached, her knees bending to look up at her girlfriend “honestly, and I know this is gonna sound awful, I’ve just… I’ve had all this hotel stuff, one chaotic thing after another has happened and everything else just kind of fades into the background, not you, never you, I’m not saying you have, I just—I’m bad at this, words, I’m—I don’t exactly have the best example of marriage to look up to, do I?” Her parents’ marriage had been dysfunctional long before Charlie had been born, there’d been brief moments of what looked like a healthy thing but—it’d never lasted long enough to leave a positive impact “but if… if you want to talk about it… if you want that with me… I’m all ears, we can talk about it, we can approach it… maybe better than they did. There’s no rush to lock me down…” Vaggi raised a brow, lips twisting in discomfort. “I love you, Vaggi… I don’t want anyone else, I don’t need anyone else, I’m not going anywhere you can’t follow.” She just… hadn’t let her mind go there before.

She just didn’t have any frame of reference for it being healthy, and while she was thrilled for her dad because he really did seem happy, and not even because he’d been planning to propose because he’d forgotten, but… because wildly enough, Alastor made him happy.

“So where’s your rush to lock me down? Or did you just expect that I’d always be here?” She would, but that wasn’t the point.

“Vaggi no, I’m not… I don’t—I’m going to say the wrong thing and I don’t want to!” Vaggi blinked, frown disappearing, replaced by surprise “I don’t want you to be upset, or frustrated, or feel like I take you being here for granted, I know it seems that way, but I just… I just… it never crossed my mind, and that’s not to say I don’t want to, I’ve just had so many other things on my mind these past couple of years that marrying the love of my life just… didn’t occur to me, and I’m sorry. It should have, and I’m sorry that it didn’t.”

Vaggi was quiet for a moment, staring down at those big watery ruby eyes, pleading up at her for forgiveness, then she sighed. Charlie always did put others before herself. “Then… make it up to me. Maybe not… right away, because I think Alastor might throw the most massively passive aggressive bitch fit Hell has ever seen if someone upstages his big moment, but… after they’ve tied the knot… surprise me, okay?”

“Yeah I don’t think my dad would be entirely jazzed either, he’d put up a good front, and he’d probably pretend it was fine… but he’d pout forever behind our backs.” He was the Sin of Pride, to have his own child attempt to upstage his wedding? She doubted he’d even let her help with the planning! He’d listen to ideas, sure, but executing any of them? No, he probably already knew exactly what he wanted that ceremony to look like and the only one who’d be allowed any input at all was his groom-to-be. “Afterwards though…” she took Vaggi’s hands and kissed her knuckles “I’m going to knock your super-hot stockings off, just you wait and see!”

And then things proceeded as normal.

Days passed by the hotel didn’t erupt into chaos, Niffty and Husk pulled a few double duties alongside a few longtime guests pitching in to make up for Alastor not doing his daily self-assigned tasks, and the only strange thing to happen was that every single attendee from the art therapy class received identical boxes on their bedside tables on the morning of day six.

Each containing their finished glazed mugs with a red organza baggie with little golden stars in the fabric, filled with chocolates nestled inside each mug, a golden ribbon drawstring to hold the bags closed.

Finished and delivered as Lucifer had promised.

A petition had officially begun circulating to have Lucifer run that session every week. It was up to thirty two votes in favour! Which was impressive considering his group had only consisted of maybe twelve people maximum. They liked him. Despite everything, despite his reservations, his awkwardness around Sinners, the rally… They liked him.

And then sometime around the afternoon of day seven, an hour or so after Charlie collected the results of the petition to take the case to her father. They emerged.

Eyes across the lobby were drawn to the echoing, attention grabbing ding of the central elevator as it stopped on the mezzanine, the doors sliding open to reveal Alastor fixing Lucifer’s bowtie as if the Devil had gotten dressed piece by piece instead of just willing the clothes onto his body as usual. Both dressed in their finest, canes in hand as if for the dramatic, the air of pomp and circumstance.

An impressive sight once they actually left the elevator.

That didn’t stop Angel Dust from cheering “They live!” From where he’d sat at the bar, only to be whacked around the back of the head by Alastor’s shadow “Wha—hey! Ow!”  

“Don’t be foolish, of course we live, we’ve simply been busy” Alastor chided as they descended, fixing his cuffs as he walked.

“Don’t encourage hi—” Husk groaned under his breath only to be drowned out by Angel who clearly had a death wish.

“Busy huh?” Tone complete with wiggling eyebrows and a salacious grin. Death wish.

“Yep! Busy, spent most of the week in the Palace getting it all cleaned up!” Lucifer cut in before Alastor could indignantly snap at that all too knowing tone Angel had thrown at them. Maybe they had christened a few of those rooms, they didn’t need to know that. “Got some impressive function rooms here at the hotel don’t get me wrong, very eehh, hotel chic, but a royal engagement party? That needs something a little more impressive than four walls, pest and rodent problems, stained carpets, questionable tablecloths, and damask wallpaper.” Then he immediately crouched down to— “oh hey Keekee, how’s my lil babyyy giirrl” scratch the cat’s head in greeting.

“You’ve been at the palace this whole time?” Charlie asked incredulously, having thought—with the food disappearing she’d thought it’d been going up to their floor but… to the palace again? Wait— “What’s wrong with the function rooms?” He’d built them!

“A royal engagement party?” Angel turned his head toward Charlie and Vaggi, “there somethin you two’ve yet to publicly announce, princess?” She shook her own head quickly. Not her.

“What’s right with the function rooms, honestly?” Alastor drawled looking at his own nails in disinterest, uncaring as to Angel’s input.

“Tch esto es ridículo, not us, Angel, them” Vaggi pinched the bridge of her nose then pointed at the two “they got engaged last week.” Only for the glass in Husk’s hand to slip free and smash across the floor, Angel to choke on his own saliva, and Alastor to grin like he’d won every lottery held for the past several hundred years.

Lucifer rose back to his full height, Keekee sitting down beside his leg, and smiled as if he’d said nothing insulting at all, as if nothing at all were amiss. “Nothing’s wrong with the function rooms, Charlie, they’re perfect for what you guys use them for, but—for this? No, we need bigger, better, grander, I mean, imagine fitting Satan in here, his horns would put holes in the ceiling, it’s not gonna work, best we hold that party at the palace, but you’re—most… of you, most of you are invited!”

“You’ll get official invites. Don’t hold your breath, or do, I'd love to see what colours you turn as you asphyxiate.” Alastor’s shadow whacked Angel’s back, clearing the poor demon’s throat so he could wheeze his thanks mid-cough. “Now we really must be off, we have an Overlord meeting to attend to discuss the possibility of this scavenger hunt idea going off without casualties” even if casualties would be highly entertaining.

Bad hotel publicity all around if they were irresponsible enough that someone died while on a hotel sanctioned outing.

“Oh! Before you go!” Charlie shook herself free of the stupor that was this whacky whirlwind, papers in hand she approached them both “Dad, the uh… the guests have put together a petition in favour of you maybe, taking over the art therapy sessions going forwards? They really liked your approach!” And the fact that he’d actually followed through with making sure they got their mugs at the end of the week.

So easy to make promises, easier to abandon them, especially in Hell. But Lucifer, the King, a surprisingly approachable individual considering the biblical reputation, kept his promises.

Even if he was apparently very busy.

She handed over the sheaf, three and a half pages atop a clipboard full of names and signatures, he flipped through them, eyes wide in surprise. “They… they want my help?” Alastor’s hand descended to his shoulder, prompting him to look up with shining eyes to his fiancé’s warmly smiling face, supportive, and grounding. He smiled back, covered the hand with his own and squeezed gently, then turned to Charlie.

And wasn’t that a sight? Alastor’s quiet support, his presence for once calming, supporting, helping someone other than himself, and Lucifer just soaking it in like it fuelled him… how had those two ever not been completely head over heels for each other? How could anyone see them and assume they’d only been together a month? Angel looked at Husk, who shrugged his shoulders, a small smile finally turning at the corner of his lips as he dipped to clean up the broken glass, good for them, really.

Charlie, completely oblivious to anything else, continued. “Mmhm, they really liked it, and y'know, the fact that you kept your promises to get them their mugs finished really meant a lot to them too I think.” Being dependable was important, and he was doing his best to be that, even if he’d just been doing it for Charlie, if they benefited too, then… “So, what do you say? Seeing this…”

“…I think… Maybe we could share it as two separate sessions? Most of them agreed that what you were doing with them was really helping, and imma be honest, that sort of thing isn’t me, but if they wanna make stuff with me as a form of therapy once a week, I… I could probably make that work.” Why the hell not?

“Really?! Oh that’s great!! I’ll look at the weekly schedule and get back to you on arranging a proper day of the week and time to slot it in, maybe afford you a bit longer than two hours if you’re making stuff. Eeeeee~ this is great! Thank you thank you thank you, dad! And the meeting!! The scavenger hunt!! Yes, yes, go, go, we’ve got everything covered here, so go gettem!”

Lucifer, after whooshing the papers away to his workshop to later look over the names, maybe ask Alastor to identify them, snapped his fingers, a portal appearing in the lobby, the surface shimmering as if made of water and on the other side, what looked to be the industrial district, Carmilla’s district.

Why they’d even left their floor at all to head there, nobody would ever know for sure, the drama maybe?

And only when they were gone, did Angel speak up again “so, I know i’m a recoverin addict an everythin but if you guys could share the batshit insane drugs you all must be on to make ol Smiles for miles becomin Hell royalty after just a month not terrifying, that’d be swell.”

—

As a precaution, to everyone in that room, Alastor exited the elevator and walked through those double doors into that meeting room completely alone. He claimed his regular seat beside Rosie who’d arrived earlier than him, who took one look at his hand and—he put his finger to his lips.

She mimed zipping them, despite the obvious excitement that’d flashed over her face.

Zeezi was next through the doors, squeezing herself through a doorway never designed for someone of her size Maestro next, Zestial was already there, a spider in the corner of the room just lurking, watching. Long since retired from his role as an overlord but actively assisting Carmilla for his own personal reasons.

Alastor had never really understood it before, doing something for the benefit of someone else but… he was starting to.

Much like the Eldritch family, Prick and Hatchet never turned up to the meetings, so nobody expected them to do so now, the real question was who the Vee’s were going to send. They’d abstained when Husk went to the meeting for him. It’d been too soon after the whole Might of Lilith bit.

Alastor did hope for at least one of them, they were the main point of contention there. The ones who’d likely cause the most problems. Some might have assumed the doomsday district would be the main issue, but no… Alastor could get word to them to issue a temporary ceasefire, nobody would be stupid enough to tackle Alastor there.

Not where all already flimsy laws faded into white noise and he could be as vicious as he wanted, even among the rubble of the broken buildings, there’d be nowhere to hide.

A flash of three tone hair cut short caught Alastor’s eye—Velvette. She walked in, hair chopped in a professional concave bob he was almost proud of, and quietly sat herself down in one of the side chairs, leaving the opposite chair to the head empty. Good. Someone else belonged there and Alastor would have ensured they moved had anyone tried.

“Welcome, Sovereign Overlords” Carmilla walked in from the side door, flanked by her daughters coming to a stop at the head chair. “I’ve called you all here for this meeting to discuss the continued unrelenting blackouts currently dominating the Pride Ring in order to potentially find a resolution fitting everyone present.” Velvette rolled her eyes.

“Listen, if it weren’t for that fucker over there an his new beau flauntin their shit all over the airwaves, this wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?” Velvette motioned to Alastor, who reacted in no way whatsoever, but felt a tightening around his wrist all the same. Testy little snake.

“What Alastor chooses to do with his newfound relationship is of no concern and attempting to police them is not on the table.” Carmilla shut that down “speaking of which, congratulations Alastor, we’re all very pleased for you.”

“Bit wild that it’s Lucifer, but hell yeah get it shadow man!” Zeezi chimed in, thumbs thrown up in approval, the tension around his wrist loosened considerably.

“Why thank you, dear. You’re all far too kind for this wretched place. On the topic however, I do have a potential fix for this ongoing issue, however the solution requires convincing, and it simply isn’t one any of you could accomplish. Vox has over time infested the Ring’s power grid like a virus, his consciousness is heavily tied to it giving him the ability to be anywhere a thread of electrical power can run at any given time, his inability to come to terms with reality and accept truth regardless of it being in front of him… will forever impact the ring as a whole. My solution would remedy this.”

“What, killin him?” Velvette held her phone tight, eyes sharp “cause we won’t le—”

“Sweetheart, if I chose that course of action, neither you nor your moth would be able to stop me, so do be eternally grateful that that is not the course I mean to take.” She opened her mouth to likely argue, but he held up his hand “My maid beat you, dear, let’s not argue the true difference in powers at this table. Vox does not need to die, nor would I give him the satisfaction of my being his end.”

“So… Alastor” Carmilla cut in before Velvette could take over another meeting “what is it you intend to do?”

“That isn’t something I plan to disclose here and now, as like I said, the solution requires convincing and I’m not certain enough that it can be convinced. I however need to bring a secondary topic to the table.” Eyes traded glances around the room, but Carmilla nodded her head in acceptance and motioned for him to continue “The Hazbin Hotel wishes to petition for a day of peace across the ring.” A slip of parchment manifested on the table in front of him with a swirl of green magic.

“The fuck would you need that for?”

“My dear king, if you would be so kind and explain…” Alastor lifted his left arm and the snake wrapped around his wrist vanished.

Ever the showman, the lights in the room flickered before popping off, bulbs burst plunging them into darkness, the only light in the room being the eerie glow of the demonic eyes at each chair and the spider in the corner, until a glow erupted from beneath the chair opposite Carmilla. A slow burning pentagram etching itself into the carpet that would undoubtedly be charged to the Hotel if he didn’t fix it.

Then, in a swirl of red, he appeared, sitting diagonally across the chair, one leg propped up over one arm, his other leg draped over the seat foot not touching the floor, while his back was propped up by the space where arm met the backrest of the chair. His arms crossed over his chest.

The lights returned, however they returned a warmer shade of white than before.

“Holy shit…” Zeezi was the first to speak, the rest stunned into silence.

“Not quite.” Lucifer winked before righting himself on the chair. Alastor rolled his eyes fondly, such a silly little duck.

“Welcome, Lucifer” Carmilla kept her cool, disinterested gaze, unbothered on the outside. “That entrance was unnecessary, you’re always more than welcome to enter through the door like everyone else.”

“First of all, I’m not everyone else.” Lucifer rose to his feet. “Second, where’s the fun in that?” Then he rounded the table to Alastor’s chair “I’m here today to politely request you all tell each of your owned souls to keep their grubby little mitts off the residents of the Hotel for one day, so we can go on a lovely little outing around the ring. No violence, no abuse, no attempted murder, assault, bullying, or even malicious thoughts. Just one singular day of tranquillity after which you can all go back to killing each other. Sound good? Great! Sign on the dotted line puh-lease and ah-thank you.”

Nobody really noticed him doing a subtle double take at Rosie, who merely grinned at him in greeting.

“And the fuck are you gonna do about it if we don’t?” Lucifer’s eyes and attention shifted away from Rosie to Velvette— Only for Zeezi to reach over and flick her claw over the paper, her name signed atop the line “the fuck? He can’t do shit to you! fucker’s just a glorified goddamn feather duster” Alastor’s eyes sharpened, his claws dragged deep grooves into the surface of the table, and Maestro’s name swiftly followed Zeezi’s, Zestial’s followed soon after from his web perch. “I feel like I’m in a fuckin insane asylum, is this actually happenin?”

“It ain’t him I’m worried about, Babygirl. It’s that motherfucker he’s travellin with” Zeezi pointed at Alastor “I don’t want that kinda heat in my spaces, thanks, not after the way he took out Consent.” Alastor’s grin sharpened. Good. That fear felt good. It’d been some time since people had feared his name, his presence. Rosie reached over and signed her own name, cannibal town would be safe to travel through for one unusual day. Easy enough, they tended to be civil on other days like their monthly markets.

Rosie was good at keeping them in line.

“What will happen if we choose not to sign?” Carmilla had to ask, her calm tone cutting through the chaos of Velvette’s incredulity.

“A signature does not bind you in this case as it is not a deal we are offering.” Alastor began “since Lucifer gave you all free will, he’s not in the habit of taking it via deals or spells, this document is simply to say that you agree to communicate to the souls in your ownership the promise of immediate threat to their lives should they attack our guests on the day. They are under my protection. I will kill any who attack them. Permanently. Without mercy. With great pleasure. It is best they remain civil, or keep at a distance if they cannot. One day of peace is all we ask.”

“You keep sayin outing like that shit means anythin, the fuck kind of outing are you two takin a bunch of pissbaby wimps on?”

“Scavenger hunt.” Lucifer shrugged “It’s a day out! We don’t want a mess, we just wanna take the kids out to see if they can find all the ducks hidden around the ring, it’s strictly recreational, and not that I need permission from any of you to do that given I am in fact the King of the entirety of Hell and the only reason you assholes even exist at all, it’d be nice if you could all just behave, kay?”

“We ain’t a monarchy, bitch, we’re a—”

“You’re whatever the fuck I say you are!” Lucifer’s horns erupted from his skull as he cut her off, fire blazing around their tips, eyes bleeding gold, sclera flashing red, the windows rattled, outside lighting flashed. “You think just because I’m incapable of directly harming you, you’re safe? Here in this little office in your little chairs you think your self-appointed nonsensical titles mean anything to a thing like me? I could have Satan here in less than a minute to do what I can’t, do you think any of you would survive even a second longer than it’d take for him to drop a verdict on your little coup? You’re lucky you still breathe for the stunt you lot pulled.” If not Satan, the Goetia, if not the Goetia, any of the other Sins, and if not them… he knew Alastor would sure as hell get a kick out of dishing some vicious justice. “Now remove yourself from that frankly pathetic high horse you’ve perched yourself on, adopt a sense of humility, and sign the fucking piece of paper before Alastor here takes your head and uses it as a my father be damned wall decoration.”

Carmilla rounded the table, summoned a pen, and manually signed her name.

“Thank you, dear.” Alastor offered her a smile, missing nothing about the way her eyes caught the ring on his finger as she lowered her gaze, the way they widened, the way fear flashed through them ever so briefly before she schooled her expression back to calm.

“It’s—It’s my pleasure, and—” she lifted her head, focusing on Lucifer. “Please accept my apology, your Majesty, for my part in that coup, I was merely acting in the interest of protecting my own, as I'm sure you can understand as a father.” Alastor would take that apology in mind. Carmilla now quietly removed from their shit list.

“Yeah, Vox is weirdly convincin, man, I thought for sure you’d be the only fucker capable of takin this guy down a peg, that really helped his street cred, but hey—Al sure showed him in the end!” Zeezi’s tone reeked of unease, Velvette was quiet, eyeing the devil glaring her down. Even as people addressed him, he didn’t move his gaze, he may not have had the ability to harm them, but nobody in that room could deny the pressure of his presence.

“Sign it.” Rosie took the paper, and slid it over to Velvette “you wanna make things right after that stunt you kids pulled? Sign the paper and have your people hold up your end, it’s just a day.”

“… I can’t control Vox if he sees these two fuckers being lovey dovey out on the streets… he can’t stop himself from fritzing out, he’s tried, it’s like a virus, he doesn’t know how to fuckin stop. The only reason shit ain’t hit the fan this week is cause he’s only gone an convinced himself they’ve broken up or somethin, what with how Alastor’s broadcast went music only…”

“Broken up? Hah!” Alastor propped his face up in his palm, left hand, golden ring on full display, grin wide, he was never not going to brag about it, was he? “Au contraire, my dear, we’re engaged, so I do believe he really ought to learn.”

“Ahhh fuck, yeah, no. No, we’re gonna need that mysterious fix of yours or this whole fuckin ring’s going tits up, so hurry that shit up, yeah?” She grabbed the paper, and finally signed her name “we’ll be civil as best we can on your day, shoot us somethin to let us know when, you just—fix the fuckin blackouts, yeah? They’re fuckin with all of mine an Val’s shit too.” Lucifer looked to Alastor with a raised brow, finally breaking his stare down.

“I’ll do my best! Now if that’s all—” the fully signed parchment vanished into a swirl of green smoke, he paid little mind to the raised brow, Lucifer would need convincing, and it wasn’t the time or place to try or he might wind up feeling attacked. “Come dearest, let’s go get donuts.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice!” Lucifer grabbed Alastor’s hand, and with a poof of red smoke, they were gone.

“…So, what… Alastor’s the next Queen of Hell?” Zeezi filled the void of silence left behind with a hesitant guess.

“Prince Consort.” Maestro finally spoke up, his level tone of voice didn’t make anyone feel better.

“I say good for him! It’s about time someone finally removed that stick from up Alastor’s perky lil behind.” Rosie however, laughing as she spoke, Rosie made everyone feel just a little better.

Zeezi grinned, all teeth and brimming with glee, “so…” leaning forwards just a little “who do you think tops?”

“Okay, meeting adjourned.”

—

“So… what’s this idea of yours for ol box boy?” Sat in a little booth at the back of the Evil Donuts shop just outside the entertainment district, the one with the tables and chairs that’d cleared out the moment they stepped inside. The devil with his very own bakers’ dozen of red velvet cream cheese glazed cream filled monstrosities and a sugary milky vanilla cookie dough flavoured coffee, Alastor with a black coffee and a small three box of meat buns. Lucifer dunked a chunk of donut in his coffee, if it could even be called coffee. Gross. “And why am I only just hearing that you have one?”

Alastor lowered his cup of coffee and sighed. “The only one capable of taking over Vox’s place in the grid is you, Lucifer. That’s why you haven’t heard it yet… I wasn’t sure you’d be interested after being used as a battery once before, and quite recently at that, I was hoping to… convince you over time.” Sad as it were, they didn’t have time.

Well no, they had all the time in the universe, the ring however… the blackouts would only get worse, especially now that the Overlords knew of their engagement.

“Is… that because you didn’t think I’d trust your idea, or you?”

“…Partly, both. This has happened quickly, Lucifer, we—we happened quickly, if I came to you with an idea that could seem like I just wished to use you after we’d moved so fast then—what if you pulled away, assuming the worst of me?” What if he lost him through rushing everything? Alastor fiddled with the ring on his finger, twisted it back and forth “the grid… it isn’t like Vox’s weapon, it isn’t even a grid, it’s a field of energy beneath the surface, it doesn’t drain to power some immense destructive beam, it’s just… a natural flow of power. Vox has used the electrical base of his power to infest it and use it. I can remove him from it, but only temporarily… you would need to feed your own power in to fill the gaps and ensure he cannot return. It would essentially be you taking back control over the power circulating through your ring. It wouldn’t hurt you, wouldn’t exhaust you or strain you, I’m sure of it. Your power blew through Heaven’s shield and tore its gates clean off their hinges, and you still had more than enough for multiple extra shots that destroyed half the entertainment district, a feat of pure power that Vox could never dream of accomplishing on his own… you could power the ring without breaking a sweat. Possibly as easy as breathing.”

Lucifer was silent for a moment, chewing his soggy donut in quiet thought. The idea had merits. He’d been in control of the ring before, it’d been a thing in the back of his mind, quietly drawing on his power, not nearly enough of it to make a noticeable dent. He’d slipped out, disappeared when his family had begun slowly falling apart, he’d never tried to take it back. He let out a final sigh, reached out, and curled his hand around Alastor’s, stopping the nervous fiddle “…okay, then we should use this scavenger hunt as a cover, get it done while nobody’s watching… and then once we get back, we can send out our engagement party invites, aaannd make an appointment with Marcel to get you a stunning new outfit for it, sound good, Bambi?”

Eyes wide, blinking in surprise, Alastor’s expression slowly morphed to one of pure adoration, ears dipping, smile fond, he leaned over the table, his free hand reaching to cup Lucifer’s cheek, he brushed their lips together in a kiss Lucifer gladly, with a smile, reciprocated “sound’s perfect, mon ange…” he had no idea what he’d ever been worried about.

"Oh did you know there was another angel in that room by the way?" Record scratch. What?