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The marriage between Superman and Batman was supposed to be a secret.
And yet there was a leak somewhere. Martian Manhunter asked Black Canary about it, who then told Green Arrow, who told Aquaman, who told Hawkgirl, who told current Green Lanterns 1 (Hal) and 2 (John), who were then eavesdropped by Captain Marvel, who proceeded to excitedly shout the news on the comms like a kid who just found out he got a new puppy.
The news broke the Justice League.
And Batman was furious.
It only took a day for him to send out an organization-wide message telling everyone to get their act together. Batman and Superman were married, get over it. He went even further to nip this in the bud by offering an optional meeting where he and Superman would answer questions. He expected only the core members of the JL to have the gall to show up.
This was one of the rare times where he miscalculated horribly.
Much to his irritation and his new husband's horror, the entire roster arrived for the Q&A. The venue had to move from the regular meeting room to the cafeteria, and then to the assembly hall in order to compensate the crowd that had arrived. The hall was only typically used when there were universal threats they were going to war with. "W-well it's kind of feels like we're going to war. Doesn't it, B?" Superman tried to ease the tension emanating from his partner on their way there. Nightwing and Wonder Woman trailed behind, having been part of the inner circle who were aware of the marriage and now recruited to assist with the damage control.
Batman stood at the podium with Superman to his right, his arms crossed but his finger anxiously tapping against his bicep. Nightwing and Wonder Woman stood behind them for backup.
The meeting was supposed to have started by now but Batman was in an intense stare down with his audience, daring any of them to speak up. The heroes took glances to each other, checking to see who would be the first to gently break the ice with their leaders.
"So are you two homos or what?" Guy Gardener decided to whack it with a sledgehammer. The audience groaned. He looked around, "What's the big deal? 't's not like I have a problem with gay guys. Some of my closest friends might be gay!" He pointed down a few rows to where Blue Beetle and Booster Gold sat looking back at him.
"Oh HA! Real original, Gardener!" Gold yelled.
"Quit being such a dickhead!" Blue also yelled and quickly spun back around to look towards the presenters, "No offense, Nightwing!"
"None taken!" Nightwing chirped back.
"We will not be answering questions regarding sexuality." Batman's grisly response caused the commotion to settle down.
"You know what, I'll bite." Hal Jordan stood up. "Yeah, I've got a question for Superman!"
"Oh, yes?" Superman scooted up to the podium next to the Bat and prepared to answer.
"Why the hell did you pick Spooky of all people?"
"Yeah, I thought you were dating Lois Lane!" Flash piped up.
"Oh seriously? I thought he was with Wonder Woman," Cyborg chimed in.
Plastic Man's elongated neck rose above the crowd, "I WON THE BET! YOU ALL NEED TO PAY UP!"
THUMP
Batman smacked his gavel against the podium hard enough to cause the poor instrument's handle to snap off. The room immediately simmered down once more. Superman cleared his throat.
"To answer your question, Hal, Batman has a lot of good qualities! Just um…" He looked at the man glowering at the audience and put a hand on his back. "Well it may not seem like it when we're working like this, but he's a great husband in our private life."
"Can you tell him to stop glaring at me then?" Hal responded.
"Blink twice if he's holding you hostage, Kal!" Flash cried out.
"I've got a question for the Bat then," John Constantine called out. "Why did you pick the alien bloke? Did our night in Paris all those years ago mean nothing?"
"You slept with HIM too?" Supergirl shot up from her seat.
"Kara! What are you even doing here, you were at the wedding!" Superman yelled.
"Well excuse me, KAL. But I was totally blindsided! Plus, I'm not implying Batman is bad, buuuuut-" She gave the Dark Knight a look, "Can I really trust you to take care of my cousin? Like seriously; if you hurt him, I'll break you worse than that Bane guy did."
"Kara!"
Batman looked straight at his cousin-in-law, "I'll never be good enough for him and I can't promise I won't hurt him, but I can swear that he is my other half." A collective aww came from the audience. "Besides, Constantine was over 10 years ago and a mediocre partner at best."
Whistling and hooting now, but Constantine just laughed. "Hey now, Brucie, I've improved my repertoire! I'm willing to show you if things don't work out with your hubby!" He leaned back in his seat next to a facepalming Zatanna and ignored the red pupil stares coming from Supergirl and Superman.
"Um, excuse me!" A familiar booming voice called over the rambunctious crowd, causing nearly everyone to freeze. "I don't get what he said. Can someone explain it?" Multiple lifeform eyes shot over to where Captain Marvel sat with his hand raised.
"You sent an invite to Billy?" Superman said in a panic.
"Of course I didn't!" Batman shot back.
Wonder Woman ignored the two and stepped forward, "Billy, what are you doing here?"
"…I heard everyone else talking about this meeting and I didn't wanna be left out," He pouted. "Are you guys gonna make me leave now?" She took a look at the heroes he surrounded himself with: Red Tornado, Martian Manhunter, Hawkgirl, Icon, and Dr. Fate. The clever kid hid himself among the members who wouldn't be likely to ask questions or raise a fuss, making it easier for him to sneak in and go unnoticed.
She glanced back at her fellow leaders and raised an eyebrow.
"You can stay, Captain Marvel." Batman answered. "Hopefully your presence will make the rest of the League behave." He shot a look straight at Constantine who raised his hands in mock surrender.
"YES! Plus, I knew you guys would get together! I bet my allowance on it too! Right, Plastic Man?" Plastic Man shrank in his seat. It seemed that a meeting on gambling about League members would also need to be arranged at a later date.
"Alright everyone, let's continue." Wonder Woman announced. Much to Batman's chagrin, the questions did not improve.
"Who proposed?"
"Batman proposed."
"Who gets custody of the Justice League if you guys divorce?"
"Haha very funny."
"Is there a possibility of one of you becoming pregnant somehow?"
"Ask another question like that and you're getting kicked out."
"Which one is the woman?"
"Same sex relationships do not work like that, Billy."
"Nightwing, do you call Superman 'dad'?"
"No, but I'll call him daddy from now on."
"Nightwing…"
"Please don't."
"Did you know about this, Diana?"
"I knew before they even realized it. It took a long time for me to manipulate them into finally confessing."
"Diana…"
"You told us that was Circe controlling the lasso!"
"Who's the to-"
"Finish that question and I will kick you out of the Watchtower. "
"What is Batman like when he wakes up?"
"Answer that question and I'm sending you back to Metropolis."
"Are you going to take that from him, Superman?"
"Yes, because he has Krypto- I'm just kidding, B!"
"How long have you two been married?"
"Two months."
"Why wasn't I invited?" Green Arrow's question caused the chatter and murmur to stop. "I know you're super secretive and everything, so I get why Black Canary wouldn't get an invite," He ignored his wife's crossed expression. "But why not me? We've known each other longer than anyone here, even your own husband, man!"
"He's got a point, B." Zatanna chimed in. "We've got history as well. Hell, my father was one of the people who trained you."
"Who did you guys even invite?" John Stewart leaned forward, "Because I'm surprised you didn't at least invite people you've known for years like myself, Hal, or The Flash."
"The wedding was reserved for close family." Batman replied.
"Hold it there, Batman!" Aquaman's turn, "You say family, but what about Wonder Woman? She attended the wedding too, didn't she?"
The Princess of the Amazons slightly wilted where she stood. "I was invited, but… couldn't attend unfortunately. There was an emergency on Themyscira and I missed the entire ceremony."
Sensing the downturn of her mood, Superman and Batman immediately focused their attention on her.
"Hey, it's all right, Diana." Superman placed a supportive hand on her shoulder.
"We understand your duties to your people."
The Trinity failed to notice the fourth presenter creeping up to the podium. "Well, since Aunt Diana couldn't come to the ceremony," He addressed the room, "We should throw another wedding! One for the Justice League to attend!"
"What." Batman and Superman said in unison.
"That's a good idea!"
"Makes sense. Everyone's already here."
"Do we get cake?!"
"I've never been to an Earth wedding ceremony."
"Holy crap, we get to attend Superman and Batman's wedding, Booster!"
'Absolutely not,' was what Batman wanted to say to this entire idea. He was ready to return to Gotham, go out on patrol, take his frustrations out on whichever Rogue Gallery member decided to poke their head out, and pretend this godawful meeting never happened. But he knew it was over when he glanced at his so-called allies who were supposed to be his backup, looking at him with a hopeful look in their eyes (even Nightwing with his domino mask on). Even his own husband had turned on him. Et tu, Clark? He thought to himself.
Batman took a deep breath, "Fine."