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For as long as Shane could remember, he had a difficult time making friends. When he was little, he preferred to play in quiet spaces inside rather than on the playground and nobody else was interested in being inside with him. He never really clicked with the other kids either. A lot of them took to poking fun at his “strange” habits and don’t even get him started on his literal thinking. His tendency to not understand sarcasm and take everything word for word would get him made fun of by other children—and sometimes in trouble with other adults.
He remembers a particular incident with his math teacher when he was 10 that really signified how different he was.
“Jeez Shane, you could have told me you were having trouble with this problem,” The teacher shouted, “Do I look like a mind reader?”
Shane looked at her confused, as she said earlier, they were to strictly work out the math problems on their own before getting help. Shane had replied that he didn’t know what a mind reader should look like and that even so, no, she did not, she looked like a teacher, and as a result, he received a write up. It was eventually let go, Yuna and David absolutely furious at the school and the teacher for allowing that to happen, but it really stuck with Shane. When he came home that night, Shane explained that he really did not understand and that he thought she genuinely meant for the question to be answered.
“She said we had to do the work ourselves before we asked for help. Then she asked if she looked like a mind reader and I don’t know what those are supposed to look like!” Shane cried, “She asked, I gave her an answer! I told her that she looked like a teacher, because she is a teacher and then I got in trouble!”
“Sometimes when adults ask questions like that, it means they don’t want an answer, sweetheart,” Yuna pet his hair, “Regardless of what she wanted, she should have been clearer. You didn’t deserve that.”
Shane still didn’t understand, but left it at that. He guessed that there would just be things he didn’t get going into adult life—and that couldn’t have been truer. He learned to adjust and hide, masking his confusion and jumping through hoops to interpret different social cues.
“When pigs fly” wasn’t a literal thing, it was an expression that his dad used to signify that things would never happen. You’re overreacting, Shane, the lights aren’t “too bright”, you can’t “hear” light, Shane, get over it. You can’t just eat the same thing every day, Shane, you have to try new foods. You’re being a child, Shane, just because they don’t have ginger ale doesn’t mean can’t drink anything else, grow up. Make eye contact when I’m talking to you, Shane, it’s rude when you don’t—it’s disrespectful.
His autism diagnosis came much, much, much later down the line, but when it did, it finally made sense (and it was kind of a relief). He wasn’t disobedient or defiant or had something wrong with him like his peers had insinuated in the past, his brain was just legitimately wired differently than everyone else. When he got home to Ilya after his appointment, he had spilled this all out like a kettle pouring into a tea cup. He was worried what Ilya would think of him, but Ilya, as usual, didn’t care.
“Ok, you have autism, did I get word right in English?” Shane nodded, “Autism. Yes, so you have this? So what?”
Shane shifted uncomfortably, “Aren’t you weirded out?”
“You are still my boring, polite, Canadian husband aren’t you? Why would that make me think any less of you? Ok, you have autism. I do research and help make life easier for you. Simple.”
Shane pretended not to cry as he pulled Ilya into a hug.
Fast forwarding to their married life, Shane was in pure bliss. He was happily married living in a nice house with his husband and their dog. He played on a hockey team that actually liked him and respected what he did, not caring about his relationship or the particularness that he displayed. It felt like everything wasn’t going wrong for once. He was happy, so so happy.
But of course, the universe couldn’t have mercy on him for long. The sunny weather on his island of paradise soon turned thunderous and rainy.
He met a stranger at a bar while out with his team who was really trying to get to know him, and Shane, of course, was happy that someone was taking a genuine interest to him like that. The man, who’s name was Tomas, had approached him when he went to go get him and Ilya another drink. He wasn’t that into hockey, but he kept complimenting Shane on his looks and how hard he must work. He also seemed kind, asking Shane about his interests and listening intently. They were getting along very very well.
“Forgive me if this is forward,” Tomas said, looking at Shane with a smile, “But would you like to...become more friendly?”
Shane almost nodded, before he felt the looming presence of his husband. Ilya had moved next to him and was wrapping his arm around his waist, giving Tomas a look. When Tomas saw Ilya, his face dropped and he immediately frowned.
“Ah, you’re taken,” Tomas threw his hands up in the air and backed away, “My bad dude, why didn’t you just start with that?”
Shane just looked at him in confusion but said his goodbyes anyway, handing Ilya his drink and letting Tomas sink into the crowd.
“What the hell was that, Ilya?” Shane asked, “You can’t go scaring off every person I talk to.”
“Forgive me if I do not like other men flirting with my husband,” Ilya said dryly.
Shane gave him another puzzled look, “Flirting?”
Ilya nodded, “Could you not tell?” He asked, a hint of teasing in his voice.
“I thought I was making a friend,” Shane said quietly, “He asked for my name, interests, what I do for work, and then asked if I wanted to ‘be more friendly’. You know, typical friend stuff,” Shane sighed, “But I’m guessing that was some kind of innuendo wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” Ilya nodded, the teasing immediately disappearing from his features once he saw Shane’s genuine upset, “I only came over because I saw the way he was eyeing you and then I overheard that last bit. I would never try to drive away potential friends from you.”
Shane sighed again in frustration, “It’s ok, I would do the same for you,” he leaned into Ilya’s shoulder, “I’m just so frustrated. This is like the 3rd time this has happened and yet I still can’t tell that I’m being flirted with, I feel dumb.”
“Flirting is subtle and there is a lot of—what is the word...subtext—yes, there is a lot of subtext and underlying meanings. You do not like subtle, you like literal,” he took a sip of his drink, “I learned that very quickly about you. That is why I am always direct, so there is no annoying subtext or puzzles for you to decode.”
Shane nodded in understanding and they went about their night. Ilya took the time to make sure everyone had a safe ride home before they caught an uber to return to their own. As they got in bed, Shane thought about what had just happened.
Looking back on it—yea, Tomas was flirting with him. But he wouldn’t have realized that if Ilya hadn’t pointed it out. In what world was asking someone to be more friendly a meaning for something else? Shane hated that kind of stuff. It aggravated him to no end.
But things didn’t end there. The very next weekend where they went out with their team, a similar thing happened. A new man, Martin this time, had approached Shane and asked if he wanted a drink. Shane had declined, stating that his husband had gotten him one earlier that night, and Martin’s demeanor changed. He got all huffy and pissed off, snapping at Shane and asking why he’d entertain him if he had a husband.
He thought he was just being friendly. Friends bought each other drinks to get to know one another, it was how he and Rose started getting along.
His last straw was a production assistant on an ad shoot. Said assistant, whose name was Edward had been all over Shane, complimenting him, giving him extra touch ups, and trying to talk to him every chance he got. Shane had genuinely been trying to get to know the guy for a month and they were super friendly with one another. It hurt tremendously for Ilya to gently break the news that what he was doing was once again just flirting. Shane felt destroyed.
The assistant’s company was very highly favored and almost always in charge of the ads and various other things Shane was expected to do. So to hear that it was once again nothing more than an attempt to hook up instead of the genuine friendship he had was devastating. Ilya looked at him with a concerned expression. He asked Shane if he had taken the teasing too far, but Shane shot him down. It wasn’t Ilya’s fault that people kept flirting with him.
“Can you-”
“Yes,” Ilya stated.
“You didn’t even know what I was going to ask!” Shane replied.
Ilya just shook his head, “You are overwhelmed and you want to leave. I will talk to crew people for you so that you can go wait in the car for me and you do not have to deal with any more of this. After that, we go home, eat that dinner you like, you get ginger ale while I get coke, and we watch whatever you want with Anya on the couch. Then, if you are not exhausted, I fuck all these thoughts out of your head and we go to sleep.”
Shane just looked at him stunned.
Ilya smirked back, giving him a gentle kiss, “I love you very much and you, my Shane, are also quite predictable with what you want.”
Shane kissed him back and walked to their car, waiting in the passenger seat for Ilya to come out of the building.
Ilya was practically livid. How dare these men keep flirting with Shane. Those who did not know The Shane Hollander™, he could somewhat not really understand—if you didn’t see the ring on his finger, you may think he was single—but those who knew of them? Those who knew that Shane was married to Ilya??? Flirting with Shane at that point was just insulting.
Not to mention that he was just hurt for Shane. He was insanely gorgeous, that was a fact, but the fact that others around him were so shallow as to only want Shane for his body was...hurtful. He knew that not everyone would be for everybody, but he couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to at the very least be genuinely friendly with Shane. As he turned the corner to reach the crew, he saw the offending man who had been the tipping point for Shane’s breakdown. Before he could stop himself, he felt his legs moving and his voice speaking.
“Mr. Edward,” he said coldly, “Is that right? Is that your name?”
Edward turned away from his clipboard, “Depends. Whose asking?”
Ilya smiled, but his smile held no light or joy. It was more menacing if anything, “You are the one who has been trying to flirt with my husband?”
Edward’s face fell, “Look, I’m sorry about that,” he said flatly, “I didn’t know he was taken. I don’t follow him outside of production shoots, that was my bad.”
“Edward,” Ilya said, “I’ll have you know-”
“Man, listen!” Edward cut Ilya off, “I said I was sorry, ok?! Lay off.”
“Just listen to me for a second!” Ilya folded his arms and glared at Edward, “You are going to listen and you are going to listen good. Got it?”
Edward just nodded.
“Good,” Ilya continued, “Shane is an amazing husband. He is taken, yes, we have established this right now. But outside of that, he is an amazing person. He is a good human, a genuine man, and people like you should be honored to have him as a friend. The fact that you only see him as a pretty face is gross,” Ilya frowned further at Edward, “It is disappointing. It is more than disappointing—it is shallow.”
“He was reciprocating, you can’t expect me to not be confused! I was getting mixed signals!” Edward spat.
Ilya glared, “First of all, don’t you dare blame him for your behavior. Second, my husband is literal, just as many other people in this world are. Not everyone is going to get your ‘hints’ and ‘flirty subtext’. You did not sound like you were flirting—you sounded like you wanted to make a friend, and my husband wanted to be friends too. It is such a shame that you decided to throw that in the trash.”
“Well,” Edward huffed, “Tell your husband to be up front with other men then. I wouldn’t be surprised if this has happened before-”
“How about I don’t,” Ilya’s voice was cold and serious, leaving no room for argument. Edward snapped his mouth shut and moved back like a scolded child, “If you have intentions with someone, you tell them. That will get you further in life than whatever this is.”
Ilya turned from Edward, leaving him dumbfounded in the hallway. He found the crew and said his goodbyes, grabbing extra papers and tying up any loose ends that needed it. He soon left the building to join Shane in the car.
“Everything go ok?” Shane asked. Ilya pulled him in for a kiss, “Ok, you’re happy.”
“I am doing wonderfully, my Shane,” Ilya placed his hand on Shane’s thigh, squeezing lovingly, “I hope you know that what happened today was not your fault. That guy was an asshole.”
Shane shakily nodded, “I’ll try my best.”
“You are a good person, Shane. Anyone would be lucky to be friends with you,” Ilya brought Shane’s hand up to his lips before placing his hand back on Shane’s thigh, “I am lucky to have you.”
“Well you’re biased-”
“Shhhhhh I am right,” Ilya shushed, “You are amazing. This is final.”
“Am I not allowed to have an opinion or?” Shane feigned annoyance, but Ilya knew better.
“No.”
“Can we watch the bird documentary when we get home?”
“How did I know you were going to ask that...”
“Is that a yes?”
Ilya just smiled, giving Shane a loving look at the stoplight, “Of course.”