Archive of Our Own

The first time Zhang Hao asked Hanbin if they could go clubbing together, Hanbin had shut him down. Hanbin, clearly thinking it was a joke, had laughed “no, my clubbing days are long gone.” They were watching the new episode of transit love after a long exhausting week of schedules—Hao’s feet draped across Hanbin’s lap and a bowl of popcorn between them—when Hao had turned to him and asked, “would you ever go to a club with me?” The question had come about after a particular date scene had appeared on the show; the female contestant agreed that clubbing dates were fun for free-spirited people. Hanbin laughed, “you? In the club? I’d pay to see it.” He came in for a kiss but Hao pushed his face away with his palm, “I’m serious! I want to know what it’s like.” Hanbin adopted a more serious tone, obviously not believing it, “you’ve never been clubbing?” Hao shook his head. “Not even in college?” Another shake of the head, “I was too busy studying and besides, I didn’t have many friends who I could go with. We normally just drank at home or went to karaoke on the weekends…” He pouted as Hanbin brought his hand to his neck to massage the skin there. “We can always put on some music and grab some alcohol from the convenience store if you’d like?” Hao smiled at him then, “it won’t be the same.” At least he was trying…

The second time Hao mentioned it was during their drive back to the apartment after a late night meeting at the company. The GPS told their driver the fastest route back home was through the clubbing district of Hongdae. They drove slowly past crowds of stumbling people, the entire time their manager was cursing out several people for walking too close to the car. Hao was quietly looking out of the tinted windows, watching as people flowed in and out of clubs, dancing and laughing with their friends. He looked at the clothes people were wearing, men and women alike with their vibrant coloured makeup and heels. Hanbin reached over and squeezed his hand but Hao didn’t look his way. 

Back at home that evening, Hao had shouted from the bathroom as he was washing his face, “do you ever wonder what it would be like if we were normal people instead of celebrities?” Hanbin walked over, wrapping his arms around Hao’s waist, caging him against the bathroom sink as he rested his head on his shoulder, looking at both of them in the mirror. When Hanbin didn’t answer right away, Hao carried on, “I wonder sometimes what it would be like if we had met in college. Maybe I could have been an exchange student and we could have met while we were younger and could actually do things.” Hanbin breathed in his scent, kissing down his neck as he listened to him speak as if from a distant dream, “is this about clubbing again?” He felt Hao’s shoulders deflate with a long sigh and watched as Hao broke eye contact and began looking for his moisturiser instead, ending the conversation before it could even fully begin.

The third and final time Hao brought up the topic was only a couple of days later. Hanbin would be lying if he said that the idea hadn’t eaten away at him from the moment Hao had mentioned it a couple weeks ago. He did wish things were different and he wanted nothing more than to perhaps be given the liberty of meeting Hao earlier under different circumstances. He had laid awake some nights wondering and imagining if the two of them would have been attracted to each other if they did meet at college. A dream that kept coming to him in the night was of Hao, interrogating him about homework or his bad grades, and how even in his dreams he couldn’t stop thinking about the cute Chinese student that had grated on his mind so efficiently. His dreams always ended the same way, Hao asking Hanbin to help him explore things, to try new things. “If you take me to the club, I’ll give you the answers to the mid-term papers”, this student version of Hao would say to him. “No”, this version of himself would say back. He thought that would be it but just before he was pulled into reality and woken up, Hao bit back, “fine. If you don’t take me, I’ll go by myself. Or even better, I’ll find someone else to take me.” Each morning he’d wake up with a start and wouldn’t feel better until he’d see Hao eating his breakfast in the living room. 

It had been the evening after the third reoccurring dream when Hao had sighed so loudly in bed that Hanbin was forced to put down his iPad and look at what was wrong over the top of his glasses. Hao had pushed his face into the mattress and his phone was playing a video from XiaoHongShu out loud on repeat. Hanbin reached forward, gently smoothing his hand over the back of Hao’s shoulders, “what is it Hao-Bao?” He watched as his legs wriggled around at the bottom of the bed before he looked up, pouting towards Hanbin as if someone had stolen his dessert or something. “Do you think people would recognise us if we just pretended that we were normal people?” Hanbin rolled his eyes, “this again?” But Hao reached up to grab his IPad before he could go back to whatever nonsense work he was doing anyway at this time of night, “no seriously. If we covered up and didn’t wear makeup, do you think we would get recognised.” He grabbed back his IPad and switched it off, “yes. Of course they would.” He ignored Hao’s look of self-pity, “it’s happened before, so why wouldn’t it happen now?” He groaned, “but what if we’re wrong? What if the people at the club are so drunk and having fun that they won’t even pay attention to us?” Hanbin felt bad, he really wanted to give in so bad and accept defeat but in doing so, he wouldn’t just be putting his own career and health in danger but also Hao’s and that was something he’d vowed a long time ago to never do. “Why do you want to go to the club anyway?” Hao smiled, hopeful that was finally getting through to Hanbin, “I want to get drunk.” “We can get drunk here in the safety of our own apartment.” Hao shook his head, “I want to feel the music in my body and dance with strangers.” Hanbin pursed his lips, “we can go to a concert?” Hao became irritated, “Hanbin, I want to go somewhere that nobody knows us and pretend that we’re meeting for the first time. For once in my life I want to feel like I can lose control and be myself and be with the person I love the most. I want to be able to let go of my worries and responsibilities, even if it's just for fifteen minutes.” His voice cracked, “please.”

A week later, the perfect opportunity presented itself. The group had completed yet another busy week of shooting and solo schedule work that they had been given the whole weekend off. When Hao got back to the apartment, it was already past 8pm and dark outside. He slipped off his shoes and walked into the corridor where he heard loud music coming from the living room. He hurried through, worried that something had gone wrong with the television or stereo but instead, he was met with two bowls of meat pasta and two beer cans on the table in front of the sofa. Hanbin ran over to him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and rocking him excessively until he practically had to begin to fight him to get him to stop. “Ta da!” He performed jazz hands in front of the food and pulled Hao down to sit in front of it. “What is this?” Hao asked when Hanbin came to sit with him, opening both the beer cans. “Happy anniversary baby!” Hao’s eyes opened in shock and disbelief, grabbing his phone and looking at the date, “fuck, baby I forgot. I’m so sorry…” He did his best to pretend by putting on his famous pout and watched as Hanbin tried his best to smile even though he was clearly disappointed. Hao wrapped his arms around Hanbin as if to console him, at the same time reaching under the sofa to grab a wrapped box. “It’s okay, you didn’t need to get me anything anyway! You are my favourite gift…” Hao tried not to laugh, listening as Hanbin’s voice was filled with sorrow, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” He sat back, watching as Hanbin avoided eye contact. He grabbed his hands, forcing them open and placing the box into his palms. Hanbin groaned, biting his lip when he realised Hao had just been joking. “Happy anniversary!” Hanbin put the box in his lap, leaning over to pull Hao into a tight hug, “can I open it now?” He nodded and Hanbin began unwrapping the box, Hao trying his best to contain his excitement. 

Inside the box were small pieces of work out equipment and a watch, “so you don’t have to always leave me so early in the morning for the gym, I wanted to begin making you a gym in the apartment.” Hanbin smiled, leaning over to kiss Hao on the lips quickly before proceeding to unwrap the rest of his gift. He pulled out some smaller pieces of health remedies that he had mentioned once in passing to Hao; he had remembered and bought every single one including a small octopus shaped head massager for blood flow and hair growth. Lastly, he pulled back the layer of wrapping to reveal a pink kitten lingerie set. He picked it up in his hands and Hao watched as his face flushed a deep red. He smirked, “so you can come to bed earlier instead of playing games with Gyuvin all night.” Hanbin felt the lace between his fingers, unsure of what to say. Images flashing past his mind of Hao wearing the set for Hanbin and a similar scene but where he, himself would wear the set. He gulped, putting the piece back in the box and taking a long drink out of his beer can, “we should… erm. We should probably eat the food before it gets cold.” Hao laughed, how could one person be so adorable when he was overwhelmed?

They ate the pasta, swaying to the music as they continued to empty their cans of beer, talking about their week. Every now and then Hanbin would throw himself into Hao’s lap, laughing so hard that Hao worried he would choke on his food. They moved the box into Hanbin’s closet and on Hao’s return, Hanbin thanked him a million times with kisses for his gifts, “the reason I made you food is because I want us to go clubbing tonight, for our anniversary.” Hao’s face lit up, “really? Do you mean it?”

One hour later and three beer cans empty, the two of them were dancing their way to their shared closet, laughing as they threw several items of clothing around. Hao assumed the role of their stylist, “no this one is too bright,” “too expensive looking!” “It doesn’t bring out your eyes.” Hanbin followed his boyfriend around the apartment like a lost puppy, the beer already beginning to make his vision blur and everything felt warm and fuzzy, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all? Hao placed out an outfit for him to change into; a plain gray shirt and black denim jeans, a ball cap to wear just until they were inside and safely into a corner, and some Nike trainers. Hao changed next to him, his eyes wandering all over Hanbin’s body as he undressed. He smirked, “maybe we should just stay in after all.” “Get changed.” He wore some loosely fitted ripped jeans and a shirt that was cropped in a way you could see his tummy if he lifted his arms up. Hanbin felt his jaw tighten as he surveyed the outfit, “it’s too short. I don’t think I… What if the manager sees?” Hao rolled his eyes, “Hanbin. We’re normal people tonight, remember? We aren’t even supposed to know each other.” He nodded slowly, trying to accept the idea as Hao turned to pass him a mask. He refused, “it’ll be too obvious if we cover up this much.” The masks were discarded, “okay. Let’s just go like this.” 

Hanbin was a nervous wreck, pacing around the apartment and stopping to look in every mirror at his face. All it would take would be one person who knew them from somewhere. Just one post on Twitter or Naver and their entire career would go up in flames. Hao came over, posing with his camera and snapping a picture of the two of them. Now he was the one bargaining, “we can always just stay here?” He rubbed his hands up the bare skin of Hao’s arms, hoping for him to change his mind. “After all this? No way.” He pulled Hanbin into the kitchen, leaving him momentarily to find the bottle of tequila under the sink next to the ripening Durian he had left just days prior. He poured two shot glasses and passed one to Hanbin who reluctantly grabbed it. “To us.” Hao cheered him, necking the shot first and regretting it almost instantly. Hanbin couldn’t help but smile, “you aren’t chasing it with anything?” He put his own not-drunk shot down to pour Hao a glass of water, “have you ever had tequila?” Hao shook his head, gulping down the water with tears in his eyes, “that tasted awful. Don’t have that!” but Hanbin was already taking it in one quick gulp, smirking back at Hao when he finished, “experienced.” 

They waited by the door, Hanbin begging Hao to “at least put on a jacket.” “The taxi guy is literally calling me, we have to go!” He answered the phone, pushing past Hanbin with a trip in his step as he exited the apartment. Hanbin grabbed one of his own jackets for Hao and wallet before heading out the door. He caught up his boyfriend who was already in the elevator. He passed Hao the jacket, “wear this until we’re inside or I’m not going in with you.” He rolled his eyes again, “fine.”

The taxi drive was longer than anticipated, Hanbin worried that he’d fall asleep or worse, vomit up the tequila shot. He kept sneaking glances at Hao who looked out the window in awe at all the flashing lights and far off music blasting into the streets. Hanbin had to keep reminding himself who he was doing this for as they drove onto the club street, he gulped at the sheer amount of people. Hao leaned in, “at least there’s a lot of people, we can disappear into the crowd.” That would be the case if they weren’t so much taller than the average person here… Hao could sense Hanbin’s fears and squeezed his hand as the taxi slowly drove through the crowd of people, “Don’t worry, it’ll just be for an hour at most. We’ll go, have a drink, dance to a couple of songs, and then leave. No one will even pay attention to us.” Once he noticed that the taxi driver wasn’t listening to them, Hanbin agreed. They’d be home by 1am.

Their taxi shuffled up a few more feet until directly in front of a club bustling with people moving in and out. “Here is okay!” Hao shouted to the taxi driver and grabbed Hanbin’s hand as he opened the door, the two of them ducking their heads as they joined the large crowd of people going into a club. They pushed through the door and went down the stairs into the basement where a bouncer checked their IDs and shouted over the music, “locker?” Hao looked confused to Hanbin who pushed in from behind him to talk to the bouncer, “no thanks.” He allowed them to go inside and the two of them walked through smoke and blinding lights until eventually they were wading through a sea of people, all shouting the lyrics to a song Hao didn’t even recognise. He held Hanbin’s hand tightly as he pulled him through past the dance floor to a small corner with standing tables. They had made it inside.

The air was thick with the warmth of bodies and the scent of musk and alcohol choked them. The music was bouncing off of the walls and was accompanied by a series of shouted lyrics from the people dominating the middle of the room. Hao smiled up at Hanbin, they had made it in without anyone recognising them. Hao had to shout over the music for Hanbin to hear him, “we made it!” They both stood awkwardly, Hanbin facing the crowd and scanning for any onlookers but as he peered past Hao’s bright smile, all he saw were people dancing on each other and having a good time. He brought his attention back to Hao, the lights flashing over his face. He felt his anxiety melting away, “stay here, I’ll buy us drinks.” 

Hao nodded, watching as Hanbin grabbed his wallet and wriggled past him into the crowd. He walked around the table and leaned onto his elbows, looking around and taking in the people as they danced and laughed with one another. Every time a new song came on, they all cheered. Some of them even grabbed their friends and ran to a clear spot where they could jump around and dance. He watched, smiling as a group of guys went to hit on a group of girls who were chugging down their drink, ignoring the men as they waved them off, he giggled. He wondered if Hanbin would have hit on him if they had met at a club originally, would Hao have waved him off or taken his advances? 

At that moment Hanbin came back with two cups of blue coloured drinks, “here. Be careful not to drink it too fast.” His mind went back to the group of girls who were now dancing around each other on the dance floor and he proceeded to take two large gulps before Hanbin grabbed the drink out of his hand, “what the fuck?” He laughed, feeling the sting as the liquid forced its way down his throat. Hanbin furrowed his eyebrows, “slowly,” and then gave him back the drink. “What would you have done if we met at a club like this?” Hao asked as he bobbed his head to the music, he reached out to rub Hanbin’s tensed shoulders to get him to relax a little bit.

Hanbin took a sip of his own drink, not wanting to catch Hao up in any way in case they needed a near enough sober person to get them out quickly. A sudden panic filled his brain at the thought of both of them losing control in public, the hundreds of phones in this club pointing at them, people laughing as they were stuck, surrounded by reporters. This was a terrible idea, he never should have agreed to this. He never should have drank. They need to leave. Hao must have noticed this because he brought his hand up to his shoulder, “Hanbin. There’s nothing to be worried about. Everyone in here is too drunk to notice us.” He battled with the sick feeling in his stomach and took another gulp of his drink, listening as Hao cheered him on. “Did you hear what I said?” Hao asked when he put the cup back on the table, he shook his head. “Pretend you don’t know me. What would you do if we met like this?” Hao swiped his imaginary long hair behind his ears and straightened his back, already getting into this new character he made.

Hanbin smirked, holding out his hand to Hao. He took a deep breath, “Hi there.” Hao bit back a laugh at the awkwardness and formalities that Hanbin forced out but put on a more serious look, scowling at the hand in front of him. “That seat is taken by the way,” he shouted over the music. Hanbin took back his own hand, embarrassed. He looked at Hanbin’s face, satisfied with his reaction so he carried on, “my boyfriend is sitting there. What did you want?” Hanbin was taken aback by this comment, he tried his very best to keep in character for Hao. He looked at the chair and then behind him, “I don’t see him.” Hao scoffed, “he’s buying me a drink.” Hanbin sat down, ignoring Hao’s side eye, “what’s someone so pretty doing sat down here anyway. You should be dancing.” He regretted saying it almost immediately because Hao got up, grabbed his drink and walked past Hanbin but not before leaning into his ear and saying, “you’re right. I’m going to dance!” 

Hanbin watched as Hao shuffled his way to the edge of the dance floor, taking care not to get too close to the other people in the crowd. His eyes were fixed on Hanbin as he began to sway his hips, closing his eyes as he lost himself in the music. Hanbin grabbed his own drink, taking another sip and coming to join him. “So what’s your name?” He had to shout over the noise. Hao leaned in so only Hanbin could hear him, “Zhang Hao.” “Oh, a foreigner?” He nodded, moving his hips to the music and watching as Hanbin tried so badly to stay focused. “Will your boyfriend mind that we’re dancing together?” Hao turned around, backing up into Hanbin’s body and turning to face him, “you’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t find out, he’s very possessive over me and he’ll beat you up.” Hanbin tried to stay serious, he grabbed hold of Hao’s hips with his free hand, repeating to himself over and over again that it was just role play, none of this was real. “What if you left him for me. I’m sure I’m better,” he shouted into Hao’s ear. They were so close to each other that Hao could feel Hanbin’s warm breath on the side of his face, the smell of alcohol making him dizzy, “better in what way?” Hanbin’s grip tightened, “many ways.” He came out more like a growl than a statement and it sent shivers down Hao’s spine. He had to down the rest of his drink to stop the rush of thoughts flooding his mind, “I’ll consider it!” 

He spun back around, dancing under the lights and Hanbin was transfixed on him, the way his body moved, the way his eyes were half lidded with alcohol. He didn’t even care when Hao threw his arms up, his shirt snaking its way up his body, exposing his delicate abs and defined v line. He licked his lips, devouring the rest of his drink and putting both of their empty glasses on their neglected table. With both his hands free now, he came over to Hao again, grabbing his waist and bringing his stomach into contact with his groin. They swayed, looking into each other’s eyes before meeting in the middle with a deep kiss. Hao tilted his head, giving Hanbin more room to explore. Their bodies still moved with the flow of the music, grinding into each other as the air grew more stuffy with heat. Hanbin let go, moving only slightly to come and attack Hao’s neck, biting the soft skin. He knew if they were at home he would be able to drink in the cute high-pitched whimpers that would be falling out of Hao’s mouth by now but all he could hear was the thumping of the music and shouting all around them. 

He was unsure if it was the alcohol or Hao that he was dizzy on but the room seemed to begin to spin when he came up to look upon his boyfriend’s face again. Hao’s lips were swollen and glistened with spit, “was that better than your boyfriend?” Hao’s cheeks glowed a deep red, “you’re my boyfriend silly.” Hanbin smiled, coming down to kiss Hao once more, “do you want another drink?” Hao nodded, going back to dancing by himself. Hanbin almost didn’t want to leave him alone but Hao was in his own little world. Besides, no one had even looked in their direction or paid them any attention yet alone came up to them, Hao was safe. He let his guard down a little, walking back to the bar and waiting until the bartender was free to order two Vodka Raspberry’s on his card. He didn’t fear getting recognised anymore, he even leaned over to the guy who was waiting on his own drinks, “any recommendations?” The guy was a muscular man in his twenties, chains around his neck and tattoos decorating his arms. He looked at Hanbin’s own tattoo on his neck and smiled, “Dude, just anything with alcohol in it at this point.” They both laughed, the guy grabbing Hanbin’s shoulder and patting it, the impact almost making him tumble. “Are you here to find a girl? I can introduce you to our table,” the guy pointed to a table on the opposite end of the club where four guys and six girls were playing a card game. He grabbed Hanbin by the shoulder, awaiting his answer. Even though Hanbin was taller, he stood no chance against this guy’s strength, bending forward in his grasp to keep himself from tripping. “Actually I’m not available. I’m here with someone,” he smiled awkwardly. The guy let him go, “I see! You’re one of those couples who go clubbing huh? Be careful, my ex-girlfriend took me clubbing once. Ended up leaving with another guy.” He grabbed his drinks and winked at Hanbin, “My name’s Jihoon. See you around…” Hanbin was too busy being stuck on the guy’s anecdote to realise he had asked for his name, “oh… Han! My name is Han.” Jihoon laughed at him like he was crazy before walking away with his drinks in hand.

Hanbin tapped his foot against the ground, he needed to get back to Hao. He even began to bite his nails in anxious waiting. From where he stood, he could no longer see Hao where he had been dancing before. Maybe he had gone back to the table. But when his drinks had arrived and he had gone back to the table, Hao wasn’t there and he wasn’t in his previous spot either. Hanbin assumed the worst, he’d been spotted and he had fled, he had been kidnapped and held for ransom, their manager just so happened to be here and had forced him into the car. He put the drinks down and grabbed his coat, slipping his wallet inside before pushing his way through the crowd, checking everywhere for Hao’s face.

He traversed the outskirts of the dance floor, past tables full of shouting people and dancers, people on dates, and people making out. The ground was sticky with spilled drinks and other substances the further he went into the club and he quickly realised that there was an extra floor, how big was this place? He trusted Hao not to have gone far and instead turned around and pushed his way back through the dance floor. He watched the flashes of faces pass by as he made his way through openings, some people scowled at him for pushing past with more urgency with every second and some people’s jaws dropped as they took him in. One girl even grabbed at his shirt, forcing him to turn around, “hey! Wanna dance?” She looked him up and down but Hanbin couldn’t even think straight, he was going to throw up.

The dance floor was busy but eventually a small opening made itself known and Hanbin launched himself into it. There, in the crowd cornered by two guys, was Hao. At first, Hanbin thought Hao had been recognised and his mind searched for a million ways he could get the two of them out safely but then the guy grabbed Hao’s face seemingly trying to make a move to kiss him. Hanbin’s anger flared up at the sight, he stood frozen as he watched one of them reach his hand up under Hao’s shirt, rubbing into the skin of his waist and abs. The other guy, clearly his friend, was laughing and provoking him to carry on. Even drunk, Hanbin’s brain was screaming at him to do something, punch them, drag Hao out of there, scream at them all, lock Hao up, leave, leave, leave but all he could do was watch, standing frozen in time. Watch as Hao laughed at something the guy in front of him said, swaying as he tried to say something back to him. His jaw tightened as he watched the man move his hand from Hao’s waist and towards his crotch instead. He watched Hao’s eyes grow confused and hazy, stumbling over his own feet. The guy launched to grab him and used the excuse to lean in to whisper something to Hao, squeezing his ass in the process. Hao stepped back but the guy connected their lips into a sloppy make out, grabbing his hair to stop him from moving away.

He doesn’t remember how he got there but the next second Hanbin had the man’s hand in his grasp, throwing it off of Hao and backwards. The guy stumbled backwards, “what the fuck man?” That’s when Hanbin realised he was a foreigner, shouting at him in English. His friend came to check on him and soon enough the two of them were shouting at him in a thick American accent which he didn’t understand. He was pushed aggressively, stumbling into Hao before he turned around and pushed them back harder. He grabbed Hao by the arm, “don’t you dare touch him!” He growled at them, trying his best to sound intimidating in English. One of the guys launched forward, coming to punch Hanbin but his friend stopped him, “just leave it Theo… He’s not worth it.” He moved past Hanbin, “sorry bro. I didn’t know he was taken but no need to be such an asshole about it.” He wanted so badly to swing at the guy, to call him worthless and an asshole for taking advantage of someone who was clearly drunk but Hao had his head pushed up against his arm, pulling slightly on his shirt sleeve. “Hanbin.. I feel sick and I want to go home,” he purred.

Hanbin threw his jacket around Hao’s shoulder and dragged him to the main stairs. He didn’t pause once, pulling him into the street and down one of the side alleys away from the crowd. Hao stumbled after him, watching the world blur past him. He closed his eyes and calmed his breathing, trying not to throw up as Hanbin pulled him, his arm starting to sting from his grasp. 

Finally they stopped, Hanbin giving Hao one last push to get him to sit down by the curb. He fell a little too hard against the concrete, moving onto his hands and knees as he watched the floor spin beneath him. Hanbin watched, his possessiveness growling at him from the inside, “what the fuck was that?” He said it a little too harshly and he regretted it when he saw Hao’s fragile state on the ground in front of him. Hao turned to sit down, hugging his knees, “Hanbin. Can you take me home?” Hanbin was already booking a taxi on the app and once completed, came to sit with Hao on the pavement. He wanted so badly to scold him, to reprimand him for leaving his spot on the dance floor but right now Hao was clearly out of his mind and in a vulnerable state. He leant his head drunkenly on his shoulder, his body heavy, “sorry!” He said in a playful manner, bringing his arms around to hug Hanbin. He rolled his eyes but his heart ached, “Hao. When we get home can you have a litre of water for me please?” But Hao was already asleep on his shoulder.

The taxi turned up, stopping directly in front of them and Hanbin had to haul Hao over his shoulder to help him get in the car. He closed the door and ran around the back to get in on the other side, he didn’t see when three girls started whispering about him on the other side of the street, taking out their phones and snapping a photo. He closed the door and proceeded to grab a bag from the taxi driver to hold under Hao’s head while he drove them back home. Hao laughed, “Hanbin, I’m fine. I’m just tired.” 

He allowed for Hao to rest on his shoulder all the way home. He was careful to watch Hao’s face and body language for any sign of discomfort and he even asked the driver multiple times to slow down over the speed bumps. When they arrived back at the apartment he slowly woke him up, “Hao? We’re home.” He paid the driver a big tip and helped Hao out of the car, holding him the entire way up to their elevator and past their front door. 

Once inside, Hao leaned upon the wall. He reached for his foot, stumbling slightly until Hanbin grabbed his arm to stop him from falling, “you really should be more careful Hao…” Hanbin growled, not wanting to seem intimidating but ultimately failing due to the anger he was feeling inside. It wasn’t anger directed at anyone for such but just at the whole situation itself. When he closed his eyes he was met with scenes of the club, specifically the man’s hands on Hao, his smile when he leaned in to kiss him, the way his fingers graced the outlines of Hao’s abs and Hao had done nothing to stop his advances. Hao pouted, “It’s not my fault the drinks were stronger than usual.” This made Hanbin laugh as he was undoing his shoelaces, “the drinks weren’t strong.” He looked up at Hao, “you’re just a light weight.” This provoked a playful slap to his face. He grabbed Hao’s hand before he could lift it back up and kissed it gently.

He took off Hao’s shoes, placing them aside and feeling his boyfriend’s hands come to his hair, stroking him. He looked up and saw Hao looking down at him, “Hanbin…” He waited for a response. “I’m sorry,” he took a deep breath, “I wanted to make you jealous. You’re so hot when you’re angry, I thought.” Hanbin reached his hand up, grabbing Hao’s arm and silencing him, “not now Hao.” He stood up and walked over to the kitchen, pouring a large glass of water and sliding it towards him, “drink all of this and then we can talk.” Hao nodded, taking the cold glass in his hand and doing his best to drink it all in one sitting. 

Hanbin sat with him on the sofa while he finished his drink, hiccuping through it all. He tried his best to calm his anger, having to remind himself that it wasn’t Hao’s fault and he should be comforting him instead of wallowing in his own stubbornness. That’s when Hao paused and placed down the cup of water, swinging his leg around Hanbin and straddling him. He picked up his hands, “what is this?” Hao leaned in to kiss Hanbin, beginning to roll his hips but Hanbin stopped him, “Hao. Baby you’re drunk. I don’t want to..” But he was silenced by the scene in front of him, Hao was crying. He brought his own hands to his face to wipe the tears streaming down his cheeks, “do you even love me?” It was so absurd that Hanbin laughed out, causing Hao to get up, crying even harder than before. 

Hanbin sighed, getting up to follow Hao to where he flopped face first onto his bed. He came to join him, stroking his back, “you’re going to wake Gyuvin up. Can you talk to me?” Hao whined into the pillow, “I don’t care. You don’t love me.” Hanbin forcefully turned him around so he was laying on his back, “of course I love you. Who is filling your head with nonsense?” Hao couldn’t help but smile, looking down at Hanbin through tear stained eyelashes. “I will never stop loving you, even if you’re too drunk to realise. Now please get changed if you’re going to sleep in my bed.” Hao let himself be dragged up, allowing Hanbin to help him get changed, “but I want to…” he reached down to cup Hanbin through his jeans and although he flinched at the contact and blushed a deep red, he grabbed Hao’s hand and shook his head. “Tomorrow baby. Not now.” Hao pouted in response but let go, changing into his nightwear. Hanbin did the same, “I might even let you wear my present.” Hao had never got in bed so quickly after hearing those words. 

The next day Hanbin woke up to a knock on the door, the sun burned his eyes. He got up and opened it to a worried looking Gyuvin. He pulled him quickly outside, “what the fuck happened last night?” He was whispering but there was no doubt the anger in his voice. “Sorry. Were we too loud?” Gyuvin shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows, “you better check your phone Hanbin.” His eyes opened wide as he ran back in his room and grabbed his phone, leaning over a snoring Hao.

Mom - 4 missed calls

Manager-nim - 17 missed calls

He opened the Naver link that Gyuvin had just sent him.

04.17 ; Zerobaseone’s Sung Hanbin & AND2BLE’s Zhang Hao spotted late night clubbing in Hongdae

See attached images

His stomach dropped as he looked over picture after picture of them kissing in the club, the fight between him and the foreign guy, and even Hao leaning on his shoulder on the curb outside while they waited for the taxi. How had he been so naive? Fuck. Happy anniversary I guess.