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Beomgyu is sick.
He knows well he's sick, in many different ways.
He doesn't seem to care about himself.
He doesn't seem to like when people offer help.
And he seems to hate when Yeonjun is worried about him and asks if he's okay. He hates it because it makes him feel seen. And been seen means vulnerability. For him.
They started sharing an apartment purely for convenience at first. Two somewhat fucked up young man in their 20s who are unable to afford rent on their own. So, thanks to mutual friends, they ended up meeting, discovering they were in the same boat, and decided to live together to help each other out.
They've never had any arguments related to living together. They split household chores equally, as well as the bills. Each one does half of everything without any problems. But if everything was so perfect, what's the problem here?
The problem is that Beomgyu is a stupid dumbass.
"Beomgyu-yah, have you eaten today?" Yeonjun asked, while reading a book on his bed. "Yeah, I did." That's a lie. He hadn't eaten anything all day. And his stomach was growling.
Yeonjun frowned, staring at him. It looked like he was analyzing Beomgyu's face to see if he was lying. "Yah, why are you lookin' at me like that? I said I ate today!"
Yeonjun took a deep breath. "Why do you keep lying to me, Beoms?" His voice was serious, something not very common coming from Choi Yeonjun. "Lying?? What makes you think I'm lying? If I said I ate, then I ate!!!" Beomgyu didn't even realize he had raised his voice. "What makes me think that? You're acting all defensive, nervous, and raised your voice to me. Beomgyu, I can hear your stomach growling."
Beomgyu froze and looked away. "I'm not acting defensive... And I'm not nervous..." Yeonjun laughed humorlessly. "You're restless. I can see the way you're tapping your fingers together."
Shit.
Yeonjun knew him way too well.
He put the book aside on the bedside table and walked towards Beomgyu, who was sitting on his own bed.
"Beomgyu." The younger didn't look at him. He couldn't. Until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and shivered. "I'm worried about you. I'm not saying this only because of whatever you're thinking. I'm saying this because I care about you. Because I cherish you. I know it's only been a year and a half since we started living together, but you're one of my best friends, I really like you, for real, and l can't just watch you killing yourself and do nothing."
Damn. Why was Yeonjun so...
So...
So gentle...
So kind...
So... considerate...
Yeonjun gently took Beomgyu's chin in his hand and made him look at him. "Look at me." Beomgyu, stubborn as always, refused to look at Yeonjun. "Please. Look at me, Beomie."
That was it.
That damn gentle, soft voice.
That damn nickname...
He couldn't take it anymore. He looked at Yeonjun.
Yeonjun slowly smiled, and caressed Beomgyu's cheek softly, the thumb going back and forth on the younger's skin. He always did that. "Tell me what's going on. How're you feeling. If something's hurting you, you can tell me. I'll do everything I can to make you feel better."
Beomgyu's life would be easier if Yeonjun wasn't such a good friend, honestly. He truly cared about him, and Beomgyu felt bad for being such an asshole with him sometimes.
He gave up lying, as it wouldn't have done any good anyway. "Yeonjun, I... I just don't feel well. With myself. I just can't stop looking at the mirror and noticing how terrible and ugly I am. I'm underweight and the scale shows it every day, but I keep looking at my body and noticing every imperfection, every bit of fat, everything. I feel fat, even tho I know I'm not. But I feel it. And that bothers me so much, because every time I eat, I feel fatter, I feel gross, so I throw it all up minutes later." Beomgyu was trembling, eyes getting watery.
He eas definitely going to cry.
"Beomgyu... God, I don't even... I don't even know what to say, I just... Oh, no, no, don't cry... Don't cry Beomgyu..." He wiped away the tears that were now streaming freely down his flushed cheeks, and enveloped him in a warm, tight embrace. Beomgyu's body was light like a feather, as if a gust of wind could carry him away. He buried his face in Yeonjun's shoulder and cried. Cried so much... His whole body trembled, weak. His arms, so thin, gripped Yeonjun as if he were the only thing that could anchor him. Hold him. Make him feel truly alive. As if everything else would disappear if he let him go.
Yeonjun stroked his long hair and rested his chin on the top of his head, giving it a light kiss. "I'm here, okay? I'll always be here with you. You can always count on hyung. Shhh, shhh..."
Beomgyu gradually stopped crying, but he didn't let go of Yeonjun. He kept clinging to him, as if it were too comfortable to let go. It was cute, indeed. Yeonjun felt his heart flutter. Beomgyu was a huge tsundere, always hiding behind this "tough guy" mask, when he's the most fragile boy ever. So, seeing him letting go of that facade and allowing himself to be vulnerable with Yeonjun was... too much.
"Sorry, hyung. I shouldn't be putting all this on you. It's not your problem, and I should know how to handle it on my own..." Beomgyu said, his voice hoarse from crying so much, slightly moving away. Yeonjun frowned, confused. "Beomgyu, don't be sorry. You're going through a hard time, and that's not your fault."
"It is, Yeonjun. I'm killing myself, I know it and I keep doing it. It is my fault." Yeonjun sighed. "Stop that, Beomgyu. You have a disorder, and it's not your fault. We can't control everything that happens to us. Sometimes, it just... Happens. What you can do about it, is fight to improve. Try, even if just a little. Each day, go at your own pace, slowly. But go. Don't give up on yourself, because you're one of the strongest people I know, and I know you can get through this. I know you're capable, because you're amazing just the way you are."
Beomgyu fell silent. He didn't want to ruin this moment with the nonsense he usually spouted, so he stayed quiet.
That night, Beomgyu couldn't sleep.
The only thing the could think of, was how much he wanted to lay down on Yeonjun's bed and cuddle with him.
One week has passed since that talk they had. And Beomgyu tried. He truly tried.
But today, he just couldn't.
Yeonjun had made seaweed soup for dinner. It was looking good. Beomgyu didn't want to be rude. He didn't want to refuse Yeonjun's food. He didn't want to worry him again. He tried to eat, even if only a little.
But as soon as the fourth spoonful went down, he jumped up and ran to the bathroom.
"Beomgyu! Wait-" Yeonjun tried to say, but the door had already slammed shut and been locked. Beomgyu opened the toilet he threw up everything he had eaten and everything he hadn't.
He closed the toilet lid, flushed, and rinsed his mouth. Then he looked at himself in the mirror.
He was pale. His eyes were sunken. His arms were as thin as toothpicks. His collarbones were extremely prominent.
He looked awful. And he knew it.
He started to cry, falling to the floor, covering his face, and sobbing uncontrollably. He was a problem. A burden. A sick, empty shell that only knows how to screw itself over.
Nobody deserved this. A completely disturbed person who kills themselves a little more every day.
Then he heard it. Knocking on the door.
"Beomgyu. Please, open the door." Ah, of course. Of course Yeonjun is worried. He's always worried. Worried about this piece of shit that I am. Beomgyu thought. "Leave me alone, Yeonjun. Just... Ignore me. Pretend I don't exist and leave me here."
"If you don't open this door, I'm going to break it down. Seriously. Open it. I'm not going to leave you there alone." Yeonjun's voice was low, his tone clearly serious. He was indeed going to break down the door if Beomgyu didn't open it. "Yeonjun, stop!!! I told you to leave me alone, stop interfering! It's none of your business, it's not your problem, LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Yeonjun took a deep breath. Beomgyu could hear it from inside the bathroom.
"I'm going to count to three. If you don't open it, I'm going to break it down. I'm not kidding."
"Yeonjun, please, stop!!!"
"One."
"YEONJUN, I'M TELLING YOU TO STOP!"
"Two."
Beomgyu stepped away from the door, walking backward. "Yeonjun, don't do this..."
"Three."
Yeonjun took two steps back, gathered momentum, and lunged forward quickly, kicking the door open. Yeonjun is strong, just one kick was enough to break the lock. Beomgyu immediately recoiled in fright. He was trembling and fell back onto the ground.
Before he could say anything, Yeonjun approached quickly, and...
Hugged him.
Yeonjun's hug was warm. Safe. Comforting. Beomgyu didn't understand. Yeonjun seemed very angry, he had literally just kicked down the bathroom door, and now he was... hugging him?
Yeonjun did what he always did when he hugged Beomgyu, he started caressing his hair. Slowly, gently, alternating between the top of his head and the nape of his neck. The other arm wrapped around Beomgyu, as if to say, "I'm here, you're safe."
Time passed. Seconds, minutes... Beomgyu couldn't tell. Yeonjun stepped back just enough to look into Beomgyu's eyes. "You can argue all you want. You can push me away, insult me, yell at me, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to let you go. I'm not going to stand by and watch you go through this. I'll stay here until the very last second I can, even if I have to break down every single door in this house just to hug you." Yeonjun caressed his cheek, wiping of the tears that were already drying on Beomgyu's soft skin. He helped him to his feet and slowly led him to the bedroom. Once there, he sat Beomgyu down on the bed.
"Beomgyu, I know you forced himself to eat that to please me, and I need you to understand something. You shouldn't do that because of me, or anyone else. You should do that because of yourself. Do it for yourself, so you can feel better, so you can improve. Not to please me." Beomgyu lowered his head. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell at you... I just got scared, and..."
"It's okay." Beomgyu finally looked up, "I'm not angry with you, but with the fact that you still don't trust me completely. I'm here for you. I want what's best for you, so don't be afraid to tell me things. If you're sad, tell me. If you're scared, call me and I'll come right away. If you want comfort, I'll give you a hug and hold you for as long as you want. I'm here for you, and only for you, so, trust me. Please."
"I... I trust you, I swear... But I don't trust myself. I'm hurting you with this too. I didn't want to be a burden for you..."
"You're not a burden for me. You're my friend. And friends take care of each other, friends help each other, friends are there for each other in the worst moments. And I'll be here with you. I'll take care of you. Because this is what good friends do."
Good friends...
"Hyung." Beomgyu called out, speaking without much thought, "Can I sleep with you?"
...
"What?"
"Sleep. With you. On your bed. Can I?" Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun in a way that... Man. He was really asking for it. Yeonjun reflected for a moment. Beomgyu is feeling bad, and clearly craving affection. It's okay, just once. Right?
"I... Okay. You can sleep with me."
"Really???"
"Yeah, c'mere." Yeonjun went to his own bed and signaled for Beomgyu to come too. The younger didn't waste any time, going straight to Yeonjun. He thought Beomgyu would just lie down, but instead, he hugged Yeonjun and snuggled up to him. "Hey, calm down... I'm here... I'm not leaving."
"Promise?" His tone was small. Almost pleading, "I promise." Yeonjun answered.
They slept like that. Yeonjun petting Beomgyu until he fell asleep, and Beomgyu never letting go of his hyung.
The next day, Beomgyu woke up feeling weak. He felt everything spinning, dizzy... His instinct was to cling closer to Yeonjun, who was still sleeping. He rubbed his face against Yeonjun's chest, which woke him up. "Are you okay, Beomgyu-yah?" Beomgyu snuggled onto him even more. "My head hurts... I'm dizzy..." Yeonjun frowned, and touched Beomgyu's forehead. He didn't have a fever. "Do you want to eat something today? Maybe it will make you feel better. Just a little bit, Gyu. I can make something light for you."
...
He needed to eat. And he knew it.
"...okay. I'll eat something."
Yeonjun's smile was so beautiful when he heard that...
They brushed their teeth and went downstairs to the kitchen. Yeonjun prepared toast with strawberry jam and orange juice.
Beomgyu stared at the plate for a few seconds. "Just a little bit... Please, Gyu. You must be hungry." Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun, "I... I think-" He was interrupted by a loud rumble from his stomach. He was indeed hungry.
Yeonjun looked at him expectantly. "Okay, Hyung... I'll eat."
Beomgyu ate the whole toast and drank half of the glass of juice. Yeonjun was happy. It was progress already.
Sometimes, Beomgyu would get dizzy while walking, as if he were about to faint at any moment. Yeonjun was very afraid he would get hurt. Fortunately, it didn't happen.
Gradually, Beomgyu lost the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit everything he had eaten. He still ate little, but he did eat.
Yeonjun noticed his bones slowly becoming less prominent, which was a good sign. Beomgyu would sometimes stare at himself in the mirror for a while. Yeonjun would see it, and say he was getting more beautiful day by day.
He was gaining weight. Slowly, but he was.
Little by little, Beomgyu's image in the mirror became less distorted. He looked at his arms and they weren't "fat" as he thought they were. They were... normal. Neither too thin nor too thick. The ribs were no longer visible through the skin. The legs were no longer so thin. The collarbones were less prominent.
Of course, it wasn't quick or like magic. Sometimes he had relapses. Sometimes he didn't want to eat, or felt like throwing up everything. But he persisted. He tried. And Yeonjun helped him with everything he could, always boosting his self-esteem and telling him that he was so pretty, that he was perfect just the way he was.
That helped.
A lot.
As the months passed, Beomgyu gained weight. Until one day, he stepped on the scale, and...
his weight was normal. Not underweight. He was no longer sickly skinny. He was just... Normal. Still thin, but that's due to his body type, not food deprivation.
He smiled, and then began to cry. Yeonjun, who was sitting on the bed in the background, stood up and hugged him tight. "I told you that you could do it, didn't I?" Beomgyu scoffed a laugh, smiling at Yeonjun, who was now wiping away the younger boy's tears. He said, "Thank you. For everything. You're the best friend I could ever ask for in my life, Hyung, truly."
And with that... Beomgyu was no longer an anorexic young man struggling with food.
Now, he was a young man who had won a battle that had hurt him deeply, but in the end, he was okay.
Beomgyu doesn't like to play dumb. He knows very well when he started looking at Yeonjun differently. And Yeonjun had always looked at him differently. They were in the same boat, but they didn't know it.
After everything that happened, they developed a very intense closeness.
It wasn't something reserved for when Beomgyu was feeling needy. It was always. Every night.
A little excuse here, another there, and they were cuddling in bed.
On one of those quiet nights, Yeonjun was slowly caressing Beomgyu's arm, who was silently on his phone. The dim light in the room created a strangely intimate atmosphere, and Yeonjun was feeling it.
Beomgyu liked to lie on Yeonjun's chest. It seemed like it was made for that: be Beomgyu's makeshift pillow.
Yeonjun slowly moved his hand from Beomgyu's arm to his shoulder. It went down his chest, then his waist, and finally, his thigh.
Yeonjun had a dubious fascination with Beomgyu's thighs, now healthy and thick.
He liked to squeeze them, caress them... And that's what he was doing now.
"Hyung, why're you so obsessed with my thighs?" Beomgyu suddenly asked, breaking the silence.
"Huh?"
"My thighs. You're always touching them."
Oh.
Um...
Ok.
"It's nice to touch them" Yeonjun answered, and he didn't seem to notice how suspicious that sounded.
He only realized it when Beomgyu turned around and stared at him.
It was as if he were trying to decipher the complicated puzzle that was Choi Yeonjun and his mind.
"Nice to touch them?" Beomgyu repeated, but it wasn't a question. It was more of a request for confirmation.
"Yeah. They're fleshy. It feels good to touch 'em."
...
"Are you listening to what you're saying?" Beomgyu's voice sounded slower, as if he were considering whether he should continue with that subject.
"I..." Yeonjun started, but before he could finish it, Beomgyu sat fully on his lap, one leg on each side of his hips, and he pulled his already tiny shorts up. "Touch them more."
Yeonjun was startled. Minutes ago, Beomgyu was lying quietly, receiving affection. Now, he's suggestively sitting on his lap and telling him to touch his thighs more. That was definitely a drastic change.
Yeonjun obeyed, touching more, moving to his inner thighs. Beomgyu moaned softly and pulled his shorts up even higher. "Finally you're doing more than just stroking my hair..." Beomgyu murmured, and moved closer, whispering in Yeonjun's ear. "I want you, hyung... I want you so bad... Please, tell me that you want me too."
Yeonjun wasted no time. He grabbed Beomgyu's shirt collar and kissed him. It wasn't gentle, it wasn't slow. It was deep, intense, tongues devouring each other. Beomgyu moaned softly in the middle of the kiss, and that fueled Yeonjun's push to go further. He started to lift Beomgyu's shirt, who raised his arms to help, and the garment flew off the bed.
Beomgyu was beautiful. Healthy now.
Perfect.
Yeonjun quickly took off his own shirt, exposing his slightly toned body. He let Beomgyu admire it for a few seconds before pulling him back into a kiss. He changed positions, turning Beomgyu over in bed without breaking the kiss and tilting his head to deepen it further.
Damn, he was a good kisser.
They finally pulled away after a good few minutes to catch their breath, and Beomgyu was panting. "Fuck... You're good at this..."
Yeonjun smirked, full of himself, "I know." Beomgyu rolled his eyes, feigning irritation. "You arrogant jerk."
"Love you too." Yeonjun answered, his smile softening.
Beomgyu was caught off guard and ended up blushing. "Uh... Um... I..."
"Cute," Yeonjun said, half-laughing, and kissed Beomgyu more slowly, pulling down the younger boy's sweatpants. He wasn't wearing underwear.
How convenient...
The medium-sized, pinkish cock was already hard, and the tip was wet with precum. Yeonjun stared hungrily at the length and inhaled deeply.
"Can I?" Yeonjun asked, his eyes pleading, hungry for dick.
"Yeah, just suck it already..." Beomgyu pleaded impatiently.
Yeonjun didn't think twice, he plunged into the delicious length of Beomgyu's cock. The taste was indescribable, but it was good, so good... He sucked vigorously, licking the wet head obscenely, without taking his eyes off Beomgyu, and then abruptly swallowed it all down his throat.
Beomgyu groaned loudly, instinctively spreading his legs wider and trembling with pleasure. "Ahh!! Fuck, more! Don't stop, damn it, that's so good... Shit, so good..."
Beomgyu's moans fueled Yeonjun's even hungrier sucking, relaxing his throat to swallow more and tearing up as the length filled his mouth. He gagged, but didn't stop for a second. He loved gagging on Beomgyu's cock, and definitely wanted more.
Yeonjun's mouth was warm and skillful, sucking Beomgyu's cock as if it were the most delicious dessert he had ever tasted. He grabbed Yeonjun's hair and pushed down, thrusting up and moaning louder and louder.
Yeonjun choked again, but continued sucking, and began to gently grab Beomgyu's balls, making the younger man moan even louder. He could feel that he was almost there.
Beomgyu screamed and groaned uncontrollably. "H-hyung, fuck... I'm gonna... I'm gonna cum...!"
Yeonjun heard that and sucked as much as he could, determined to make Beomgyu cum just with that. And so it was. Beomgyu collapsed in Yeonjun's mouth, who swallowed every drop of the thick white fluid that flooded his throat.
When it was over, Yeonjun let go of Beomgyu's dick and stuck his tongue out, still covered in Beomgyu's semen.
That was the most obscene thing Beomgyu had ever seen in his entire life. And he liked it.
"You bastard... Damn, that was so good..." Beomgyu murmured, his eyes closed, his voice weak from moaning so much. Until he felt Yeonjun move away.
He opened Yeonjun's eyes and saw he was taking off his pants and grabbing a small jar of lube. "Y-yeonjun, I just came, w-wait..."
"Calm down. I'll prepare you slowly, okay? Let's take it easy." He dipped his fingers into the slippery fluid and began to circle Beomgyu's entrance. "A-ah... Cold...!"
"Shhh, it's okay... It will gradually heat up..." Yeonjun said, reassuring Beomgyu, his finger slowly entered his tight, sensitive hole. He moaned softly, "Hnn... ah~ it's... It feels good..." Yeonjun smiled, and inserted a second finger, stretching the hole and making scissor-like movements. Beomgyu began to moan louder, and Yeonjun increased the pace, going deeper. He inserted a third finger, hitting that sweet spot. "A-ah!!! Again, please! J-just right there!!" Beomgyu moaned louder, pushing his hips against Yeonjun's fingers, who repeatedly hit the younger's prostate.
Once Beomgyu was fully prepared, Yeonjun removed his fingers, lubricated his penis, and slowly inserted the head into the entrance. He inserted it slowly, letting Beomgyu get used to the size and thickness. Yeonjun's cock was big.
Beomgyu groaned softly as Yeonjun thrust himself in completely, his eyes pleading, "Move... Fuck me... Please!"
Yeonjun didn't need any more. He withdrew almost completely, and thrust it all in at once, harder, creating an intense and devastating rhythm. Beomgyu groaned loudly, begging for more. "AH! SHIT, YEONJUN! MORE, PLEASE, MORE! AH, FUCK ME MORE!"
Yeonjun complied with the request, fucking that hot, tight hole relentlessly, feeling the velvety walls tighten around his cock. "So tight... It feels like this hole was made for me to fuck."
Beomgyu gripped the sheets, almost tearing them, and cried out in pleasure. "Ah! Yeonjun-Hyung, I'm doing well, right?? I'm—AH, DAMN IT! I'm being a good boy, aren't I?"
Yeonjun noticed how Beomgyu seemed expectant to hear the answer. He liked that. He wanted to hear it.
"Yeah, you are. Such a good boy, taking my cock so well... So tight for me, so perfect to be fucked... That fucking hot ass was made for me to eat..."
Beomgyu's eyes rolled back, and he screamed in pleasure. He obviously got more turned on hearing those words. Yeonjun figured it out. It's a fetish. "Ah, my boy likes hearing that, huh? So hot, so naughty... Show hyung how good of a boy you are, hm? Show me how much of that cock your little ass can take."
"Yeonjun-"
"Hyung. For you, it's hyung." Yeonjun placed his index finger on Beomgyu's lips, correcting.
Apparently, Beomgyu wasn't the only kinky guy here.
"A-ah!! Hyung fucks me so well... Feels so good, fuck, ah! Deeper, please!!
"Please what?" Yeonjun asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Hyung!!! Please hyung, fuck me harder! Hit that spot!!!"
Yeonjun smirked, satisfied. He pulled Beomgyu's right leg up onto his own shoulder, the angle allowing him to go deeper and hit the prostate directly.
"AHHH! FUCK, YES! YES HYUNG, PLEASE, MORE!! A-AH!!! SHIT!!" Beomgyu screamed, he was close.
Yeonjun thrust hard, fucking Beomgyu deep, like an animal. Groaning hoarsely in his ear, pounding that sweet spot that made Beomgyu scream louder and louder. "AH! I'M GONNA CUM, HYUNG, I'M GONNA- AAAH~ FUCK!"
Beomgyu collapsed again, his entire body writhing in uncontrolled spasms, as he felt Yeonjun ejaculating inside him, filling his hole until it was dripping with cum.
When the spasms finally stopped, Yeonjun slowly pulled out, and Beomgyu groaned softly at the loss. The youngest one's body was as limp as jelly, boneless. "That was... god, that was amazing. I never felt so good in my whole life..."
Yeonjun smiled and hugged him tightly. "You were amazing, babe. Hyung is so proud of you..."
"I love you, Yeonjun-Hyung."
...
"I love you too, Beoms."
Beomgyu giggled, letting himself be enveloped in Yeonjun's warm embrace. They would need to shower later, but now... Now, he just wanted to feel the warmth of the body of the man he loved most in life.