Work Text:
Dazai lets out a hiss of breath as the comb snags at a knot in his hair. He pulls harshly and gasps as the brush flies from his hair, leaving the knot behind but taking a separate chunk of hair with it. He huffs and turns to glare at himself in the mirror.
His hair is half combed, the knot still stubbornly stuck in his hair now stuck upright. He’s sweating slightly, the concealer he’s used to cover the scar over his eye is beginning to drip off. His only eye locks onto his closed eyelid, it’s red and inflamed around the edges, even his concealer can't cover it. He makes a despairing noise and glances at his prosthetic eye laying on the bathroom counter.
He reaches towards it but sharply pulls his hand away as a door slams in the apartment.
“Hey Zai, where are you!”
Dazai takes a deep breath and opens the bathroom door slowly.
Ranpo turns around and grins widely at him. “You’ll never believe what the police did with that paperwork I needed!” he exclaims, throwing his messenger bag somewhere into the sitting room.
Dazai raises an eyebrow. “Do it for you?”
“Exactly!” Ranpo says and throws his hands up. “They didn’t know it was for me and now I don’t have any paperwork!”
“And that’s why you’re home early.”
Ranpo bounces forward and grabs Dazai's face so he can pull him down for a short kiss.
Ranpo pulls away with another quick kiss to Dazai's cheek and then grimaces. The shorter of the two wipes his mouth off and sticks his tongue out. “Conceler?”
“I’m making a good impression.”
The detective's frown deepens. “Zai, my parents don’t care what you look like.”
“I know but,” Dazai’s shoulders slump, “it’s for me.”
Ranpo shakes his head and picks the fallen hair brush off the ground. “Dazai,” he reaches up and softly taps the lanky man on the nose, “I promise they won’t care. You know my dad lost his leg?”
Dazai huffs. “That’s different.”
“How is a missing eye any different?”
Ranpo enters the bathroom and opens the medicine cabinet. “You’re eye’s inflamed," he says. “You know you shouldn't force your prosthetic in if you don't feel well.”
“It was fine, sometimes it just needs a bit of trial and error.”
Ranpo raises an eyebrow and Dazai’s shoulders drop. “Alright alright Mr. Detective,” he scoffs.
“That's Mr. greatest detective to you!”
Dazai laughs as Ranpo points to the closed toilet. Dazai nods as he slips past him and sits down. Ranpo nods and pulls out a makeup wipe. “Hey wait-”
“The concealer is irritating your skin!”
Dazai quickly shuts his mouth and allows Ranpo to wipe away the makeup. He throws the cloth away and opens the cream. Dazai leans forward and allows Ranpo to spread it around his eyelids.
“Thank you,” Dazai mumbles.
“Yup! Now you want help with your hair too?”
“No I can do it,” Dazai says and Ranpo hands him the hairbrush.
Dazai starts at the end of his hair this time instead of facing the tangle head on. He works it slowly and the knot comes out. The hairbrush runs smoothly through his hair and Dazai sighs in relief.
Ranpo hands him his sequin covered eyepatch and smiles. Dazai blinks his one eye slowly and puts it on. “Thank you.”
“Always,” Ranpo replies and presses a kiss to Dazai's scared cheek. “Now let's go, we've got a train to catch.”
────﹒♡﹒────
Dazai sits on the train's seats, holding a corner of Ranpo's cape. Ranpo stands holding onto an overhead strap, eyes closed as they listen to conversations others are having on the train.
Occasionally Ranpo will gently kick Dazai's leg when a conversation gets interesting, or if Dazai's eye starts to glass over a bit too much.
Dazai rolls his eye every time but relaxes everytime Ranpo nudges him. Eventually the train stops and Dazai stands up.
“We’re here?”
Dazai laughs and shakes his head. “No, I was just stretching.”
“Liar.”
“Of course I am,” Dazai replies with a wink, it looks like a blink with his eye patch on but Ranpo understands, they always do.
Ranpo takes Dazai’s hand and pulls him from the train. They are the only two getting off at the stop, which is lucky since Ranpo currently has no regard for other humans who could get in their way, focusing on pulling Dazai widely through the station.
Dazai turns to blink at the rolling fields surrounding them. The air is much clearer than in Yokohama, he can’t even smell the sea or hear the traffic. It smells like grass and he can hear several birds chirping.
He wonders if he could find out what kinds of birds are singing.
He still isn't paying attention when Ranpo stops abruptly. He winces as he steps on the back of Ranpo’s shoe and his chin hits the top of their head.
Ranpo ignores what had just happened and giddy waves. A tall woman wearing a dark green sweater beams at them and quickly approaches.
“Mom!” Ranpo cries and yanks Dazai towards the smiling women.
“Ranpo!” is his mothers reply. Now that she’s closer Dazai can see she’s wearing thick glasses and her eyes are squinted as she looks him over.
She holds her arms out for a hug and Ranpo obliges, still holding Dazai's hand. Dazai swallows quickly and tries to subtly lean back.
“And you must be Dazai,” she says, eyes closed now. She lets go of Ranpo and approaches him with open arms. “Come on, I don't bite!”
Dazai steps forward and lets the women pull him into a hug. He awkwardly pats her on the back and she guffaws loudly at the action. When she lets him go she turns to Ranpo and flicks them on the nose. “You should have brought him over sooner!”
“I know I’m sorry but things came up!”
“Your city has far too much crime.”
Ranpo snorts. “You know I would get bored without it.”
“Its full of crime and all of it’s sloppy. I’ve figured out most of it just from the newspapers alone.”
Dazai glances down at Ranpo who crosses his arms. “I’ll beat you one day,” he mutters without any heat.
“No you won't," his mothers replies as she turns on her heel. “Now I left your father in the car, we shouldn’t keep him waiting. God forbid he tries to meet us here, he’s been working too hard in the garden lately. He thinks he can hide that his leg is bothering him from me?” she scoffs. “No one can hide anything from me.”
Without waiting she walks off.
Dazai leans down and whispers in Ranpo's ear. “I thought your father was the detective?”
“Yup. But my moms always been better. They met at her murder trial ya’ know. He was the detective that proved that she was only acting in self defense.”
“You never told me that?”
Ranpo smirks and blinks up at Dazai. “I told you everything you need!”
“You just told me not to mention killing myself!”
Ranpo raises his finger. “And that my mom likes apricots, so you made her apricot pastries!" Ranpo says and gestures at the bag they’re carrying.
“Besides,” they nudge Dazai’s shoulder with their own. “You like getting to work things out. Exercise that big brain of yours!”
Dazai sighs and squeezes Ranpo's hand. Ranpo squeezes Dazai's back and they both make their way out of the station.
“There you are kid!” A man who looks exactly like an older version of Ranpo, save for the darker eyes, waves at them both from the car.
“Haruo if you lean out farther you’re going to fall out of the car!” Ranpo’s mother chides.
Ranpo’s father doesn’t seem to care however and instead leans farther out, laughing as his wife tries to grab at him. Ranpo pulls Dazai to the side of the car and proceeds to push their father back into the car by means of his forehead.
Ranpo's father smiles at Dazai and sticks his hand out of the window.
Dazai lets go of Ranpo’s hand to shake it.
“You must be our Ranpo’s wonderful boyfriend! Dazai right?”
“Yes sir.” Dazai says, shoulders locked stiffly in place.
“Ah none of that! Call me dad!” he says and pats Dazai on the shoulder.
Dazai’s eye goes wide and he chokes on his breath. “I-”
Ranpo takes Dazai's empty hand back and tugs him over to the back seats of the car. “Let's get going then.”
Ranpo's father finally sits properly in his seat as Ranpo opens the car door and practically pushes Dazai inside. “Come on, come one I know dinner is going to be ready. And with dinner comes dessert so lets go lets go!”
“Ah my kid and their insatiable sweet tooth,” Ranpo's father sighs.
Ranpo's mother scoffs and slaps her husband playfully on the shoulder. “Oh like you’re any better.”
“I’m an old man, I can let myself have my indulgences.” Ranpo's father claps his hands together and blinks at his wife. “You wouldn't deny an old man his joys in life would you?”
Dazai covers up a laugh, not quick enough to cover up a snort that escapes his mouth. Ranpo's father whips over to grin at him. “I like this one!” he says, jabbing a thumb at Dazai.
“Yeah me too.” Ranpo says, smiling up at Dazai who blinks slowly at him.
────﹒♡﹒────
The car ride is uneventful, safe for Ranpo trying to goad everyone into a game of riddles which was put to an end when Ranpo's mother threatened to make her husband and Ranpo walk the rest of the way to the house.
They finally arrive at a small cottage down a oneway street. “Alright everyone out,” Ranpo's father says and hops out of the car with his crutch in hand.
“Food time!” Ranpo cries, fumbling with the buckle. Dazai smiles and waits for Ranpo to finish his struggle before he also exits the car.
He surveys the house, it's nice with a slanted roof and light brown wooden walls. The lawn in front of the house is covered in wildflowers, that blow softly in the wind.
“Did you grow up here?” Dazai asks.
“Nah, my parents moved here after my dads accident. They like the quiet."
Dazai nods and allows Ranpo to pull him into the house. The smell that hits him is immediate, a salty and savoury aroma fills his lungs.
“Is that?” he mumbles.
“Crab!” Ranpo exclaims. “I told them how much you like it!”
“Ranpo you really didn’t have-”
“Relax Zai, they wanted to try cooking things they’ve never done before, so they were happy to try making a crab dish.”
Dazai hums as he breathes the smell again. “Thank you,” he says and presses two fingers against Ranpo's pulse point.
He’s pulled into the dining room where Ranpo's father is placing plates onto the table. “Come on kids, take a seat.”
Ranpo's mother rolls her eyes and swats at her husband's side. “You too.”
“Ugh,” Ranpo's father responds and throws himself into a chair. He sits, limbs limp as he stares at his wife, puppy eyes fully on display.
“You absolute child,” Ranpo's mother huffs and kisses her husband's forehead.
Ranpo's father giggles. Ranpo pulls out a chair and practically pushes Dazai into it. He takes the one next to it, as he does so he bumps their shoulders together and grins at his partner.
“I tried making Tenshindon so I hope it’s alright."
“It tastes great!” Ranpo's father reassures her.
“Did you sneak some!”
Ranpo's father laughs as his wife swats at him again. “You are such a- Ranpo!”
Ranpo quickly pulls his finger out of the broth that sits on the stove and shoves it into his mouth.
“You two,” Ranpo's mothers sighs and begins to fill everyone's plates quickly.
She puts a plate in front of Dazai first, “Dazai is the only one behaving,” she directs at the pout Ranpo gives her.
Ranpo turns to glare at Dazai who shrugs. “I know when to be good.”
Ranpo gasps and clutches at his chest. “I can be good!”
“You chased a police officer through the streets last week.”
“You what!” Ranpo's mother asks, nearly spilling the food she's pouring into Ranpo's fathers bowl. “And you didn't tell me?”
Dazai snorts. “Probably because he tripped.”
“I didn’t trip! I was pushed. Kunikida caught up to him for me.”
“Because you tripped on an untied shoelace.”
Ranpo flushes and quickly stuffs his mouth with a bite of omelet. Ranpo’s mother huffs and takes her seat.
“Are you still in the habit of stuffing your laces into your shoes instead of actually tying them?” she asks.
“He says it takes too long,” Dazai interjects before Ranpo can speak with his mouth full.
Ranpo swallows quickly and gently smacks Dazai's shoulder. “The one time I wore sneakers and they betrayed me!”
“Better than those flats you wear.”
“They’re better than your boots.”
Dazai’s eye narrows. “Leave them out of this!”
“He wears these weird rubber boots all the time!” Ranpo declares, pointing at Dazai like a child telling a teacher on a classmate.
“They are practical for all weathers!” Dazai defends.
“You don’t wear socks with them!”
“They make me feel weird.”
Ranpos' father snorts. “It's alright kid, I only wear socks on one foot! Never feels right on the other one!”
He gestures to his leg that’s cut off just above the knee. Ranpo and his mother laugh while Dazai holds a hand over his mouth. “It's alright kid, you're family you can laugh.”
“Wha-”
“Dear you’ll spook him,” Ranpo's mother whispers.
“Really?” Dazai whispers, his eye tearing up.
Ranpo reaches over and pats him on the arm.
“Of course,” Ranpo's father confirms. “You’ve taken care of our kid, kept him from dying a couple of times. That's always good in my book.”
Ranpo's mother nods. “And you are pleasant company, and a magnificent cook if the smell is anything to go by. Did Ranpo tell you they’re my favorite?”
Dazai laughs and raises the bag he had placed by his seat up. “I can hide nothing from you can I?”
“Not in the Edogawa family I’m afraid.” Ranpo's father says with a shake of his head.
Dazai turns and blinks slowly at Ranpo as the detective links their pinkies together. “See, they like you! No need to worry!”
Dazai rolls his eye and sighs. “You were right.”
“I always am.”
“Not during your grandmother's sixtieth birthday party.” Ranpo's mother interjects.
Ranpo's eyes go wide. “No please-”
“There we were,” his mother begins.
“Noooo,” Ranpos groans, slumping in despair.
“Hush dear,” Dazai says as he pats Ranpo on his shoulder, “I’m listening to your mother tell me embarrassing stories about you.”
“Ugh,” Ranpo grumbles.
“Alright so this was when Ranpo was just around seven and he had just started sharing the things he had noticed, such as my mother who wasn't wearing her wedding ring. Now this was also the time he started stealing his fathers romance novels so of course you can see how this might become an issue.”
Ranpo's father nods solemnly. “I started locking up my books after that party.”
Dazai smiles and leans forward, wrapping his hand fully around his partners. Ranpo pauses his pouting to smile softly at Dazai who responds with another slow blink.