Chapter Text
J.J. watched the way his Capitaine interacted with Rozanov during their game against the Centaurs. His crush was visible from fucking space. Poor guy. J.J. was, possibly for the first time, grateful that most of their teammates had their heads too far up their own asses with their macho-ultra-heterosexual bullshit to know what to look for, even though they all knew their Capitaine was gay. They genuinely seemed blinder than the refs. J.J. was like 90% straight himself, but he was secure enough in his sexuality that it didn’t turn him into a complete fucking idiot.
He really wanted to help Shane get over it. He’d find him a nice man in Montréal. Someone athletic, but also kinda nerdy, would be perfect for him. It would be… true love at first sight, happily ever after, all that. And Shane could finally stop crushing on a straight guy. He’d just have to say yes to getting a few drinks, then J.J. would make sure that everything else fell into place. After all, the last time he’d said yes to J.J.’s plans, he’d ended up dating Rose Landry, which, yeah, fine, hadn’t worked out for now-obvious reasons, but they were still friends, so it had to count for something in his favour. He’d run his idea by Hayden first, to get a second opinion.
Okay, so that was a firm no on David-the-personal-trainer. To be fair, the thought of Shane’s dad hadn’t even crossed his mind. J.J. wouldn’t want to date a woman with the same name as his own mother either.
He really was going to back off and never try setting Shane up on a date again, but then December came, and with it, an invitation to Olivier’s New Year’s Eve party. Oli was one of the many acquaintances J.J. wasn’t completely sure how he’d met, and a really cool dude. He did all sorts of shit like rock climbing and skiing, and had a lot of opinions about smart-people movies. He’d also once confessed to having a huge celebrity crush on Shane. Perfect fucking match. Hayden thought so, too.
J.J. knew that Shane would be spending his Christmas break in Ottawa with his parents, like usual, and that he probably didn’t have any plans for New Year’s. He’d plant the seed early, make it seem like more of a chill get-together than matchmaking, then remind him of the party again when they were back for their last games of December. Perfect fucking plan. Too bad that Shane saw right through it as soon as he opened the invitation to him.
It was their last game before Christmas, they were all the way in Columbus, and Hayden had managed to convince their Capitaine to come out with the team for a drink or two. Or, well, more precisely, to vaguely socialize with the increasingly drunker men while he only drank water, because Shane’s diet had somehow gotten even more insane since the start of the season.
J.J. had waited until they put a stumbling Hayden to bed before he brought up the party. He should’ve really paid more attention to how on edge Shane already looked from the club, but in his defence, he was also quite tipsy. He lounged on the free bed, careful to keep his shoes off it. The room was dim, lit up only by the light streaming in through the open bathroom door. He hoped he wouldn’t accidentally fall asleep on Shane’s bed.
“Sooo, Capitaine. What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
“Why?” Shane called out from the bathroom. J.J. couldn’t see his face, but he could imagine, clear as day, the suspicious narrowing of his eyes, just by the tone of his voice.
J.J. forged ahead in rapid French. “A buddy of mine, Olivier, invited me to his get-together. Chill vibes, good music, good food – he’s into the same healthy stuff that you eat, but his actually tastes great. And he told me to bring anyone else I want.”
“And does your buddy just happen to be gay and single?” he asked, sounding even more suspicious. Borderline pissed-off, J.J. would have said if he had been paying more attention.
“Yes, exactly. He’s actually so cool, Capitaine. And he has the biggest crush on you.”
Shane came back into the room, a glass of water for their passed-out friend in hand. J.J. glanced at him, only to see that he was holding himself very, very tense.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stop trying to set me up with random men?”
“Okay, look. I promise I won’t interfere in any way, but he really wants to meet you. Come to the party, chat a bit, and maybe you’ll hit it off.” J.J. shrugged. “Why not?”
The sound of the glass slamming down on the nightstand startled J.J., but it didn’t even make Hayden twitch in his sleep. Neither did Shane’s next outburst.
“Maybe because I have a fucking boyfriend!”
The only sound that could be heard after that was Hayden’s obnoxious snoring. Then a soft “fuck” from Shane, as he collapsed heavily on the edge of Hayden’s bed.
J.J. sat up to face him fully, suddenly way more alert. All traces of alcohol evaporated from his bloodstream in an instant.
Shane let out a louder, more frustrated “Fuck!” muffled slightly by his hands. He was shaking.
“Hey. Capitaine. Shane. It’s okay.” J.J. switched back to English.
He looked like he was having a panic attack, and J.J. had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to touch him, in case that made it worse. Cold water was supposed to help in these sorts of situations, right? He eyed the glass Shane had slammed down. A bit had sloshed out, pooling on the dark wood, but it was still mostly full. He thrust it in front of Shane.
“Here, drink this. You’re gonna feel better. I promise, everything is okay.”
J.J. waited patiently as Shane drank it all in a few gulps, set it down – more gently this time – and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. When he opened them, they were shiny and red-rimmed, but no tears were falling, and Shane had stopped shaking.
He didn’t meet J.J.’s searching gaze, instead mumbling down towards his wringing hands.
“It’s supposed to be a secret.”
Making Shane possibly panic again was the last thing he wanted, but J.J. was curious. Sue him.
“How many people know?”
Shane glanced up briefly, like some skittish animal ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.
“Excluding me and him, and now with you, nine. Thirteen, if you count Hayden’s kids.”
J.J. was, admittedly, hurt that Shane hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about his man. They were supposed to be friends – best friends, even, for fuck’s sake. But his mind snagged on a detail before the hurt could take too-deep roots.
“Wait a sec. Hayden knows?”
Shane scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Yeah, I mean… We haven’t actually planned to tell anyone. He’s from a country where it would be dangerous for him to be out, and he’s in Canada on a work visa. Everyone who knows about us just sort of figured it out themselves.” Shane paused and let out a half-amused snort. “Or walked in on us making out. Sorry, J.J., I promise it wasn’t about you.”
Shit. When he put it like that, it sounded sad as fuck that his friend couldn’t show off his relationship like any straight guy could.
“Merde, Capitaine, non. Hayden knows. Hayden.”
“Yes…?” Bless him, he sounded so confused by J.J.’s mounting anger.
“Hayden Pike, who was actively helping me find men for you so you’d get over your crush on Rozanov, knows that you have a boyfriend.”
“Wha– who– how–” Shane spluttered. “I don’t have a crush on Rozanov,” he insisted. His cheeks were visibly red, even in the dim light of the room.
Okay, so maybe he hadn’t realized that. Whoops. Or maybe the boyfriend also knew and was fine with it. Were role-playing sex games something that gay guys also did? Nope, nevermind, not going there. He decided then and there to never bring it up again.
“Why the fuck would he do that?” he sounded somewhere between wounded and furious, even to his own ears.
The man in question was still snoring, blissfully oblivious to the conversation happening right next to him. J.J. wanted nothing more than to shake him awake and shout at him.
“Hayden… doesn’t really like him. He thinks that I could do better.”
J.J. scoffed. “Still a shitty thing to do. To both of us.”
Shane didn’t say anything in reply, just looked down at his fingers, which were busy ripping up his cuticles. He seemed really fucking sad. And lonely. J.J. wanted to cheer him up. He reached over to squeeze his shoulder and stood up.
“Come on. Frappé went off with a girl and won’t be back tonight. I want to order room service and hear more about your man.” If there was one sure thing about Antoine Frappier, J.J.’s defenceman linemate, and also his roommate on most roadies, it was that he didn’t give a shit about curfew.
His weak protests about the late hour thankfully didn’t stop Shane from following J.J. to his room and telling him, in a mix of English and French, about the guy who was, apparently, the love of his life. He never said his name, but he was practically glowing while talking about him. J.J. couldn’t for the life of him figure out how Hayden didn’t like his boyfriend when he made Shane this visibly happy. It was as if all the stress he was carrying around all the time fell away. He sat relaxed, his smile was big and real, he fucking… looked like a normal 29-year-old who was in love, instead of his usual hockey-robot self. And his boyfriend wasn’t even there. J.J. hoped that he’d get the chance to see them together one day.
He let Shane go back to his room when they both started yawning up a storm, and resolved to figure out what Hayden fucking Pike’s fucking deal was.
The next day on the plane back to Montréal, J.J. idly made a mental list of all the things he’d learned about his Capitaine’s secret boyfriend. It was, in all honesty, a jumbled mess that looked something like this:
- his home country has some pretty shitty anti-gay laws, so it could be really bad for his visa if he gets outed, but he wants to get Canadian citizenship (are they getting married??);
- he loves dogs, flashy cars, and McDonald’s;
- he travels a lot for work, but lives in Ottawa (close, but still long-distance. maybe he’ll move to Montréal in the future? or maybe Shane will move back home to Ottawa after he retires (there’s no way Shane will move to the Centaurs, even though he and Rozanov did play really well together at that All-Stars Game in 2017));
- they’re stupidly competitive at any game against each other, which got UNO banned in the Hollander household (how???);
- he’s very good with kids (Shane is also very good with the Pike kids. are they going to adopt?);
- Shane’s parents love him and consider him a second son (aww);
- he pretends to be jealous of Rose Landry, but they’re actually friends (wow, imagine being casually friends with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be a movie star);
- they spend their summers together at Shane’s cottage;
- the first time they went there, he got scared of the loons (lol);
- the Pike kids officiated a wedding for them in their living room (awww, so they are probably getting married for-real in the future. maybe J.J. will be the best man. wait, do gay weddings have best men?);
- he does puzzles with Shane’s dad;
- they’ve known each other since before Shane was in the NHL, but only got together officially after Scott Hunter came out and gave them hope ( :((( );
- they went on a double date with Ryan Price and his musician boyfriend after Price saw them making out during camp (what music does he listen to? Shane doesn’t know, because he barely knows the difference between genres);
- he’s trying to quit smoking for Shane (good);
- Hayden doesn’t like him, but Jackie and the kids adore him (???????????).
The last point still confused J.J.. The guy sounded great, from everything Shane had said. And even if he’d thought that his friend would ever stay in a years-long secret relationship that was bad for him, he trusted the judgement of Jackie Pike and Yuna Hollander. Well, Jackie’s maybe a little bit less now, considering that her husband was apparently an asshole about his best friend’s relationship, but still.
He thought about writing this all down on paper when he got home, but changed his mind pretty quickly. He didn’t want to act like a conspiracy nut about it.
Frappé’s bewildered scoff from the seat next to him woke him up from his light doze. J.J. shot him a questioning look, and got a phone screen shoved in his face as an answer. It took a moment for his eyes to focus, and when they did, he saw the Centaurs’ “Happy Holidays” post, Rozanov front and centre, grinning wide in a Santa hat and a snowman sweater, holding an adorable puppy with a festive bandana around its neck. It was definitely cuter than whatever the Voyageurs were going to put out.
“The charity with Hollander, the children’s hospital visits, and now this? I get that Rozanov’s trying to wash his image for whatever fucking reason, but who the fuck is he kidding?”
It was the weirdest lightbulb moment in J.J.’s entire life. He made some vague noises in Frappé’s direction and moved as if to go back to his nap, but inside he was reeling.
He’d seen the videos of Rozanov at the children’s hospital, and he remembered him at camp. He was very good with kids. From the photo, it seemed like he loved dogs. He used to be famous for his collection of flashy sports cars, but he’d sold most of them when he’d moved to Ottawa, and put the money into the Irina Foundation. He was from Russia, and while J.J. wasn’t an expert on foreign politics, even he remembered all the press about the safety of queer athletes before the Sochi Olympics. He’d first played against Shane in 2008, well before the beginning of their NHL careers. Hayden didn’t like him.
There was no way that he was actually… But it was the only conclusion that made sense, wasn’t it?
More and more puzzle pieces started slotting into place. Rozanov’s loon tattoo, which he’d gotten the summer he signed with the Centaurs – he’d said that it was for Canada, but Shane’s boyfriend had been scared of the loon calls the first night they’d spent at his cottage together. Was that tattoo secretly for Shane?
Fuck, of course Shane had said that he didn’t have a crush on Rozanov. He was in love with him. They were in a relationship. Had been for several years.
What the actual fuck?
J.J. abruptly remembered “Boston Lily”, the girl Hayden had told him about, whom Shane had been texting and going out to see whenever they’d played in Boston for years, until one season he just stopped. Lily. Ilya. If they’d been together officially since a little after Hunter had kissed his boyfriend on the ice, how long had they been together unofficially?
Had Shane left Rozanov for Rose Landry?
Was Rozanov gay? What about all those women, then? Sure, Shane had dated a few before he’d accepted his sexuality, but nobody could fake it that much.
Wait. Bisexual. J.J. had quite a few gay friends who were more in touch with the community than Shane, and he’d heard that word before. Rozanov was probably bisexual. He felt like an idiot, a little bit. He could’ve sworn that he was just European.
He wanted to have a very loud and public freak-out about this huge fucking thing he’d just figured out, but he had enough brains to keep it in. He was on a plane, surrounded by teammates, some of them already not that cool with their Capitaine being gay. He didn’t want to make it even worse. Tabarnak, no wonder they kept it a secret.
Was the rivalry even real? Did one ever let the other win?
Shane and his boyfriend – who was Ilya fucking Rozanov – had somehow gotten fucking UNO banned from the Hollander household by being too competitive about it. Okay, so the competitiveness was most likely very real on the ice as well.
Had Rozanov moved to Ottawa of all places, to the worst team in the League, to be closer to Shane?
If either of them had been a woman, this all would’ve sounded more like the plot of some star-crossed lovers’ tragic romance movie that Kelsey, one of J.J.’s ex-girlfriends, would’ve definitely made him watch.
J.J. needed to calm the fuck down before he blurted out something he’d regret. He knew how hot-headed he tended to be.
He’d wait until they were off the plane, get Shane alone, and then tell him what he knew – or at least what he thought he knew. He was very glad that he’d taken an Uber to the airport before their roadie, and that Shane always came with his own car. That gave him the perfect opportunity to ask for a ride.
Plan formed, J.J. fell into a fitful sleep until touchdown.