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"I'm going to get the actors now."
Raffy spoke into the handheld transceiver as he walked past the other students, looking for the main actors.
Spotting Arnold first, he asked for someone to call him out quickly as he began to look around for Dean himself.
Where is this idiot now, he thought to himself as he searched throughout the backstage asking around even if he got half hearted responses, which was something he was trying to ignore ever since that video leaked. He didn't leak that video, he knew that, but these people didn't, and it wasn't like they would believe him anyway so why bother explain?
Someone, thankfully, ended up telling him that they had seen him walk towards the washroom area. Raffy nodded his head once and smiled at them, he didn't get one in return.
He turned and walked away, towards the washroom, but not before he heard someone else say, "Didn't Dean follow Jack in there?"
Raffy's steps faltered slightly, but he chose not to think about it anymore, because Jack had said that he was choosing him this time. And he believed Jack. This is what he wanted all along. He knew his feelings. He knew he liked Jack. This is why he had done everything he did. This was why he had ignored everything, and everyone around him, including…
So why didn't he feel happy. Why did it not make his heart beat any faster. Why did it feel like this wasn't something he wanted? Why did his mind kept thinking of a different someone?
Rome had asked him earlier if he was going to Jack now that he finally wanted him. Rome had looked at him with that expression, and those eyes and Raffy had stayed quiet. He didn't say anything. He saw Rome's expression fall, he saw how his heart shattered—once again, he must admit—and he said nothing. Because he had no idea what to say. He had no idea what he wanted.
He wanted Jack. That's what he kept telling himself, but every other sense of his kept screaming otherwise.
Once again, he chose to ignore everything and made his way towards the washroom.
Just as he reached that door, he stopped in his tracks. He could hear them. Jack and Dean. And he had just heard his own name. Raffy.
"I can tell you're using Raffy to get back at me. Right?"
Raffy took a sharp breath in. you're not a back up, you're not a back up, you're not a back up. It was like a mantra, running in his head again and again.
"Dean, get over yourself."
See? Jack never said so. Jack had chosen him this time. Raffy wasn't just a toy for Jack. Right? So why didn't Jack deny that. Why didn't he tell Dean that wasn't true?
"I just chose to love someone who loves me."
Raffy let the air he had been holding in his lungs go. Jack had said it. He had said it to Dean. That meant Raffy had won, that meant Jack had chosen Raffy. finally. He would love Raffy just like Raffy lo— huh? He couldn't bring himself to finish that thought. This was victory. Then why did it taste so bitter?
"Love?"
Raffy's ears perked up again.
"Do you really love him, Jack?"
He does. he does. What was Dean rambling about now. Jack had just said it. Jack had just chosen him. Jack wouldn't lie about it.
"Do you? Answer me. Answer me!"
Answer him. Damn it Jack just fucking answer him.
"See? You can't?"
no no no no no. Jack, please no. please answer him. please just say something.
"Because you don't love him, Jack."
That's not true. Why wasn't Jack saying this isn't true. Why was Jack not saying anything. Please.
"You picked him as my replacement just to hurt my feelings, didn't you?"
Everything stopped. The world around Raffy paused. This was it. The question he had been avoiding this whole time. The question he didn't want to know the answer of. The question, he already knew the answer of, somewhere deep down, but refused to accept.
"Yes!"
That was it. He got it. He heard it. He knew it. But even if he did, it still hurt.
He didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't hear anymore.
A soft sound escaped his mouth and he quickly shut it close with his hand before they could notice his presence. Without thinking, or caring anymore, he turned and walked away.
He kept walking till he was far away from them. He kept walking till he felt warm tears on his hand that was still covering his mouth. He kept walking till he found a place, to be alone, because that's what he deserved.
To be alone.