Chapter Text
Centaurs (With Coach!(and not yucky pike))
(Members: Coach Wiebe, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover, Troy Barrett, Wyatt Hayes, Zane Boodram, Luca Hass, Evan Dykstra)
Coach Wiebe:
Alright you guys.
Who did it?
Barrett:
???
wym
Boodram:
who did what?
Hayes:
Coach are you ok?
Rozanov:
oh no
i've seen hunter do this too
we will have to submit coach to the nursing home
Barrett:
*admit
Rozanov:
i admit nothing
Barrett:
what?
Haas:
Does this have anything to do with the condom thing?
Hayes:
THE WHAT
Dykstra:
HAHAHA
Boodram:
WHO TAUGHT THE BABY THAT WORD????
Haas:
Oh fuck you man
Barrett:
hang on
the condom thing???
pls explain
Drover:
Yep, a condom.
The ice crew found one last night during the game.
It was on our side.
Hayes:
LMFAOAO FR???
Boodram:
yk
i think i read the word condom too many times
it doesn't even look like a real word anymore
Barrett:
same lol
Dykstra:
wait hold up
how did rookie know about it?
Haas:
I was there when the crew told coach
Dykstra:
kinda sus
Haas:
Its not mine!!!
Hayes:
sooo
who's is it then?
Coach Wiebe:
That's why I'm asking you fools
Boodram:
oh thats easy
what size is it
Coach Wiebe:
[Image attachment of a red condom packet with words "Wild Strawberry" and "Classic XXL" in small print under Durex logo]
Hayes:
bet its rozyz
no way it could have been boods
Boodram:
you bitch
Barrett:
comparing sizes is great and all
real proud of you guys sticking to hockey traditional values
but should we be more concerned that its FLAVORED????
Hayes:
is it ur first time seeing one
Barrett:
no its more like
who in this group even use flavored condoms
Boodram:
hey people use flavored condoms
Dykstra:
so then theyre yours
Boodram:
not this time
Hayes:
"not this time", he says
Barrett:
so then who the fuck is it
Hayes:
rozy
Haas:
roz
Drover:
rozanov
Boodram:
rozy
Dykstra:
roz's
Rozanov:
yes yes
that is me
don't tire out my name
Barrett:
*wear out
Rozanov:
Oh homophobic now?
Barrett:
IM GAY
Rozanov:
gay and not in the fun way
Barrett:
WHAT
Dykstra:
there we have it
its rozy
mystery solved
Rozanov:
whats mine
oh
yes that is my size but no
that is not mine
Haas:
what?
Rozanov:
it is not mine
who cares about condom?
Coach Wiebe:
I do.
Don't leave your condoms out on the ice
Boodram:
safety first roz
Barrett:
why even bring any onto the ice
Rozanov:
must always be ready
Barrett:
good lord
Hollander:
Did I miss something?
Boodram:
hollzy tell your many he doesn't need to carry condoms to hockey
Hollander:
What?
Dykstra:
scroll back to see the lore
Boodram:
give him a second
he gotta rip roz a new one
Dykstra:
lol
Hollander:
Oh.
Sorry that's mine.
Well technically its Ilya's, in a way.
Haas:
WAHT
Dykstra:
nuh uh
Barrett:
HOLZY????
Boodram:
so it ended up being rozs anyways
imagine that
Coach Wiebe:
So this was yours Hollander?
Hollander:
Yeah sorry.
I lost it and it must have fallen in my gym bag and well...
Drover:
Well?
Are you going to come and pick it up?
Hollander:
It's okay. You can have it.
Drover:
what in the fuck do you mean i can have it
Hayes:
help lisa is ttryign to see what im luaghuig at
Hollander:
Well I don't need it anymore?
I thought that the strawberry would be stronger than the taste of latex.
IDK I give up on flavored condoms.
Rozanov:
and this is why we do it raw
Hollander:
ILYA
Haas:
OH MY GOD
Boodram:
you people are sick
you guys need to go to church or somethin
get cleansed
Rozanov:
then can I take shanes virginity again?
Drover:
WYM AGAIN
Hollander:
FUCK ILYA
SHUT UP
Haas:
OMG AGAIN???
Hollander:
HE DIDNT TAKE MY VIRGINITY
Rozanov:
I took his ass virginity 🥵🍆💦 🍑💦
Hollander:
i swear to FUCK ilya
Rozanov:
this was before shane was super gay
Hayes:
fuck you guys
i need my eyes cleansed
Haas:
WAIT WAIT
HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER????
Rozanov:
I took his ass virginity in 2011
i have it on the calendar
Hollander:
THATS WHAT THE FUCKING DOUBLE CIRCLE SHIT WAS????
Drover:
Hold on
so you guys are saying the rivalry wasn't real??? Not even for a second???
Haas:
YOU GUYS WERE TOGETHER EVEN BACK THEN???
Hollander:
Yes and no??
We weren't TOGETHER together in the beginning.
Rozanov:
Lovers ❤️
Hollander:
Ilya no
Rozanov:
Lovers 💔