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Saparata was pissed off.
Sharpness had crashed his study with Judelow again, completely commandeering Judelow's attention. Saparata could study by himself, and preferred the silence of studying alone. But Judelow was on track to be valedictorian and could answer the occasional question Saparata had about the harder content they were studying in their shared AP classes. The issue Saparata had was the fact that Sharpness continuously and unintentionally rage baited Judelow by completely ignoring him when he was graceful enough to show Sharpness work throughs of different equations. Saparata couldn't even blame Sharpness all that much, everyone knew the poor guy had been in love with Judelow for way too many years. More years than any sane person could manage.
Sharpness was staring at Judelow’s face, Jude had traded in his contacts for his glasses. The black frames rested on the tip of his nose, Judelow's delicate hands occasionally pushing them up at the centre. Sharpness huffed a laugh, the jokes wrote themself really. Sharpness was shaken again as Judelow snapped in front of his face.
“Sharp. Are you even listening to me? You bitch. I also need to revise for my test so listen or fuck off.” Jude snapped at him, pointing down at the equation they’d been working through. Sharpness was listening, kind of. Jude was very distracting when he was wearing his glasses. Sharpness pushed a strand of blonde hair back behind his ear, his pony tail was coming loose, a long day of classes and training wearing away at the updo.
“Yeah I'm listening” Sharpness said before repeating the steps Jude had just walked him through, prompting the other man to continue explaining.
Jude huffed, pushed up his glasses and continued to explain, Sharpness hid his chuckle in his hand as he nodded along to Jude’s explanation.
Sharpness had finished working through his past papers nearly half an hour ago. Saparata and Jude both still had their noses buried in books, knee deep in notes for their math exam tomorrow. Sharpness had studied as much as he could, knew that he would definitely pass, these two were just way too competitive. Sharpness was scrolling on his phone, waiting for one of them to call it a night. The library was going to shut in about half an hour anyway, and he was fine lazing around until then. Sharpness saw a notification at the top of his screen, some girl he must’ve made the mistake of making accidental eye contact with in the hallway recently. He flicked it away, annoyed. He doesn't understand what girls don't get about him being not interested. Sharpness wasn’t some problem to be solved, they weren’t going to be the one who ‘changed him’, they weren’t the main character in some shitty romance. He never even gave that girl his socials, she must've asked around for it. Sharpness was going to have to tell his team to stop giving it out, although he wasn't hard to find.
10 minutes passed before Judelow marked the page he was on and closed his book, beginning to slide his laptop into his bag and stack the rest of his books neatly. Sharpness watched in disappointment as Jude carefully put his glasses into their case and slid them into a pocket in his bag.
“Done?” Sharpness asked gently, he was ready to go ages ago.
“Yeah. See ya Saps.” Jude said, turning to Saparata to wave goodbye.
Saparata grunted a goodbye, eyes still scanning across the textbook in front of him. Sharpness doesn't know how Jude consistently topped the year when Saparata was so dedicated to studying. Honestly Sharpness was surprised they both hadn’t married a textbook after all their studying. They walked out of the library, heading towards Sharpness’ car. It was their usual routine since Jude started tutoring Sharpness, or whenever they studied together really. The radio hummed faintly as they drove down the quiet streets, Jude gazing out the window as the street lights passed by.
“Hey Sharp” Jude started carefully, his voice carried through the car as he faced out the window.
Sharpness hummed a response, urging him to continue as he kept his eyes on the road.
“You know how I was aiming for Stanford University for pre-med right?” Judelow stated, leaning into the palm of his hand as he rested his elbow on the car door.
“Yeah, your GPA is crazy- I’m sure you'll get in.” Sharpness said. It was true, he’d never seen someone as dedicated to studying as Judelow, except for maybe Saparata but they were both insane.
“Yeah no, that’s not it.” Jude said. Sharpness waited, letting the silence settle as Judelow seemed to collect the words he wanted to say.
“There’s a scholarship for pre-med, if I maintain my GPA it’s mine.” Jude said, seemingly still holding his breath.
“That’s good isn't it?” Sharpness questioned. He was genuinely confused, a scholarship would be great- he knew both their parents had savings for university, but that money could be used for a down payment on an apartment instead.
“Yeah, it’s great.” Jude released a breath. “It’s just for Harvard, not Stanford.”
“That’s amazing! Isn’t Harvard the top medical school in the country?” Sharpness continued rambling. “I mean Stanford is great but Harvard is Harvard!” Sharpness finished, eyes still on the road.
“No it’s great, it’s just… far.” Jude said, finally turning to face Sharpness.
Sharpness glanced at him, trying to stay focused on the road. Jude’s purple hair was messy, and his cheeks were redder than usual. Jude’s eyes shone unshed tears, leaving them a brilliant pink colour. Jude looked devastated at the prospect of moving away, Sharpness thought he looked beautiful regardless.
“It’s okay, you can visit.” Sharpness tried to be optimistic. He imagined his expression matched Jude’s right now. But Jude needed support, not for Sharpness to wail about the distance that would soon be between them. Sharpness reached a hand out, placing it on Jude’s thigh and squeezing in a way he hoped was comforting. Both of Jude’s hands came to rest on his, squeezing back gently.
“Yeah, I guess I can.” Jude smiled sadly, as he looked away.
They pulled into Sharpness’ drive way, Sharpness pulling his hand away from Jude’s thigh. They both got out of the car, Sharpness walking quickly to catch up with Jude. They walked across the grass, wet from the light rain that had passed. It was dark, the moon hidden by the light cloud coverage. The miserable night seemed to match Sharpness’ mood, but he wouldn't let Jude see that. So he put a comforting hand on Jude’s back as they walked over to his door. As they stood under the light of his porch, Jude turned back to face him. His hoodie was bunched up at his hands, slender hands still holding books to his chest. Jude smiled, a sad smile filled with remorse, like he should be apologetic about getting into his dream school. Sharpness stepped closer, bringing his hand up to Jude’s cheek, watched as Jude closed his eyes and leaned into it. Sharpness turned his face slightly, tilting his chin up to make Jude meet his eyes.
“Dont apologise for getting into your dream school” Sharpness said seriously, voice holding a deep conviction he didn't know he had.
“I never apologised for it.” Jude said, head still in Sharpness’ hands.
Sharpness levelled him a look, “You apologised with your eyes.” he stated.
Jude laughed slightly, pulling back from Sharpness’ hand. “Youre the only person who would say that i apologised with my eyes.” Jude said.
He reached for the door handle, opening it slightly before turning back to Sharpness one last time. “Bye Sharp.” He smiled as he walked inside.
Sharpness smiled, turning back to walk across the grass to his house next door.
Sharpness closed the curtain, he didn’t want Jude seeing him right now from his window just on the other side of the fence. Sharpness pulled his hair out of its pony tail as he paced the room. He pulled his hands down his face, feeling as they became wet with his tears. He didn't know when he’d started crying, it was sometime between when Jude had shut the door and when he’d made it to his own room. He could feel the devastation choking him, breathing becoming harder. It was lodged in his throat like something sharp, something physical. Sharpness needed to calm himself down. He was hyperventilating. Each breath felt physically painful. Taking in oxygen felt like a chore. He felt like everything was closing in on him, like his world was collapsing. He wasn’t ready to lose Jude, he thought he had years. He needed more time. He pulled on his runners and pulled his hair back up into a pony tail, switching between hyperventilating and trying to catch his breath. He pulled his headphones on and hood up, fleeing the walls that seemed to be closing in on him. He ran, ran down the street and away from their houses that stood side by side. He’d known Jude for a decade, ever since he moved next door. He thought him and Jude would never be more than a house apart, that they’d attend university close enough they could stay home. That they could continue this song and dance. That they continue being Jude and Sharp, not friends but something more. Something comfortable that they didn’t speak of. But Sharpness knew it was too late, if he told Jude how he really felt, how deeply he cared for him. Sharpness knew Jude would give up on his dreams to stay with him.
Sharpness doesn't know how long it took for him to calm down, to turn his frantic sprinting into a steady jog. He was stuck on the thought that he’d have more time, more time to appreciate Jude’s presence, to enjoy his company, to tell him. To tell him that he was desperately and irrevocably in love with him. To maybe let Jude find out himself, to see clearly that Sharpness was so completely whipped for him that half the football team had asked him how long they’d been together. His feelings were so obvious that he’d had to tell the yearbook committee they couldn’t be nominated for best couple because they weren’t dating. He knew Saparata knew, like really knew because sometimes he’d catch him looking at them disgusted, and then disappointed, like he knew Sharpness was never going to be man enough to say anything. Sharpness knew Jude was devastated with the prospect of moving away, and looked ready to give up on it all if Sharpness so much breathed a word about maybe staying and going to Stanford instead. But Sharpness would rather die than hold back the most intelligent man he knew from the opportunity of a lifetime. He’d give up everything for Jude, even if it meant hurting so bad he could throw up. Sharpness resolved himself, he knew what he had to do. It killed him but he’d have to distance himself from Jude, because he wouldn’t let Jude give up everything for him.
“What’s wrong with you two?” Saparata asked as Sharpness walked past him and Jude, not even glancing in his direction. Sharpness seemed deeply involved in a conversation with his football buddies, Tai, Parker and Fluxion. “They piss me off.” Saparata finished as he crossed his arms. He hated how the hallway cleared as they walked by, like their egos weren't big enough already as the stars of the football team.
Jude sighed and pressed his face into the cold metal of his locker. “You can’t tell anyone.” Jude said as Saparata leaned in. Saparata prepared for the worst, maybe Sharpness and Jude had rejected him, as unlikely as it was. “I got a partial-scholarship offer, if I maintain my 4.4 GPA, it's mine.” Jude said.
Saparata pulled back, confused. “What’s wrong with that? I thought you were already locked in on Stanford, isn’t this great news?”
Jude sighed, “It’s for Harvard.”
Saparata paused, absorbing that information. “Oh. Wow.”
Jude closed his locker and pulled away. “I’m just confused because he seemed so happy for me.” Jude’s eyebrows furrowed, his pink eyes burning a hole in the ground. “But now he’s not even speaking to me, won’t even look in my direction.”
“That’s… strange.” Saparata was confused, Sharpness couldn’t help but stare at Jude. Saparata was convinced Sharpness sat behind Jude in most of their classes so he could stare longingly at the back of his head.
“We haven’t had a proper conversation in two weeks.” Jude stated, quickly.
Saparata tried to not make it obvious that his eyes had nearly bulged out of his head at that information. It was disgusting how obsessed Sharpness was and they hadn't spoken in two weeks, there was no way. Saparata tried to change the topic as they walked towards their class, watching as Sharpness stared out the window intently as they walked in, clearly avoiding any contact. He waved goodbye to Jude and walked to his seat, watching as Jude sat down in his assigned seat in front of Sharpness. Something was up.
Saparata was on a war path. He couldn't handle the longing looks Jude was giving Sharpness anymore. Another week had passed of the yearning olympics and Saparata was raising a white flag. Jude looked like he’d had his soul crushed, and was barely able to maintain a conversation. All Jude did was go from class to class like a zombie, before rotting in the library with his head in a book. Saparata didn’t think Jude could study more than he already did but this bout of separation from Sharpness had Jude pulling books out during lunch. The line had been crossed and it was up to Saparata to figure this out. Saparata was waiting outside of the locker room. Usually he’d been bunkered down in the library by now but his friend was hurting.
The moment Sharpness walked out of the locker room Saparata waved him down. Sharpness continued walking, ignoring Saparata.
Saparata yelled, walking after him. “What the fuck Sharpness! What is up with you?” Saparata was furious, he knew him and Sharpness wasn’t close but he deserved to be acknowledged.
“Listen if this is about Jude just stay out of it.” Sharpness sighed, turning around to face Saparata.
“I can’t stay out of this, he’s like a zombie and you don't even care!” Saparata was red with anger. Saparata watched as Sharpness' face seemed to fall for a second, before his features evened out into an uninterested stare.
“It’s better for both of us if we don’t talk.” Sharpness said.
“You can't just ignore him! Something happened and you need to fix it.” Saparata argued back, following Sharpness as he started walking away.
Sharpness reeled around, his body mass dwarfing Saparata even if they were eye to eye.
“This is me fixing it.” Sharpness’ finger was pushing Saparata back in the center of the chest. “Now stay the fuck out of my business” Sharpness finished
Saparata’s face fell, he’d never seen Sharpness so angry. For a split second though Saparata watched as Sharpness' face cracked, guilt washing over his expression before it was covered again. Sharpness spun around and began to walk away quickly. Whatever Sharpness thought he was doing to fix their issue was clearly destroying him. Saparata stood in the empty hallway contemplating why Sharpness could be so cut up over Jude’s scholarship offer.
Saparata was lost in thought when he heard the door to the locker room open and shut, as three more guys poured out of the room, laughing and shoving each other. Saparata tried not to roll his eyes at the cliche before he recognised the faces. It was Sharpness’ friends. He knew he couldn’t get the information he needed in a three versus one, so he marched over towards them.
Fluixon perked up when he saw Saparata marching for them “Hey Gorgeous, waiting for me outside the locker room? Not usually into the whole stalking thing but you’re cute so i’ll let it slide” Fluixon wore an easy smirk on his annoyingly symmetrical face.
“Shut the fuck up, bitch.” Saparata said as he stormed up to him, tilting his head down slightly to meet Fluixon’s eyes. He grabbed him roughly by the collar and started tugging him away from the other two who looked equally shocked.
“If you want me so bad you can just say so baby.” Fluixon flirted as he winked back at his teammates, waving as he was willingly dragged away by Saparata. Saparata was glad for his cooperation, knowing he physically couldn’t drag Fluixon if the footballer put up a fight. His pride was wounded, as well as his reputation but those were fleeting things anyway.
Saparata pulled Fluixon around the corner and slammed him into the wall.
“Kinky.” Fluixon laughed, hands dropping down to Saparata's waist.
“Shut the fuck up, Flux. I’m not here to flirt, and I don't even know where you got the idea that I'm interested.” Saparata said, pressing Flux’s shoulders into the wall a little harder.
“Well I got the idea about a month ago. I distinctly remember a party where you quite enjoyed my tongue in your mouth-” Flux sentence was stopped as Saparata put a hand across his mouth, levelling him a glare.
“I’m here about Sharpness.” Saparata said. He ripped his hand off Flux’s mouth as his slimy tongue lapped across his palm.
“Wow Saps, you know how to wound a man’s pride.” Flux said.
“Get your head straight, it's about him and Jude.” Saparata said.
Flux laughed, gently pressing off the wall to stand across from Saparata, no longer held hostage. “There is nothing straight about Jude and Sharpness.” Flux stated matter of factly.
“Yeah well Sharpness has been ignoring him for a month.” Saparata said.
“What?” Flux seemed genuinely shocked by this. “Did they break up?”
“Break up? They were never together.” Saparata said, baffled by Fluixon's ignorance.
Fluixon looked confused, then disgusted as he said “All that yearning and flirting was them being… friends?”
“Yeah. You thought they were together.” Saparata said, he knew now that this conversation was pointless, he’d never get any useful information out of Fluixon. “This conversation is pointless.” Saparata sighed, massaging his temple trying to rid himself of the headache that was coming.
“Listen, maybe Sharpness is just focused on football at the moment, if we get to the state finals again this year, I’ve heard scouts come from across the country to watch that game.” Flux said, shrugging. “He’s captain, it’s got to be stressful managing the expectation of the team and holding the grades he does.”
Saparata laughed “What grades, the guy is an idiot.” Saparata had spent too many nights watching Jude tutor Sharpness to believe that.
Fluixon levelled him with a confused look. “He’s in all the same AP classes as you, idiot. Even if he gets the occasional ‘B’ he’s still got a 3.9 weighted GPA.” Flux stated, like it was obvious. “Plus I thought the whole Jude tutoring thing was because Sharpness liked to stare at Jude when he wears glasses.” Fluixon chuckled at this.
“I.. never realised” Saparata paused, re-evaluating past memories of study sessions with Sharpness. He forgot that Sharpness studied just as much as him and Jude did, that he worked really hard for his grades. Saparata had some discourse in his head between the captain of the football team not being some stupid meathead, maybe he’d been watching too many movies.
“Wait what do you mean stare at Jude, does he talk about Jude?” Saparata asked.
“All he talks about is Jude. Jude this, Jude that. It’s never ending.” Flux said.
“But they're not on speaking terms right now?” Saparata said.
“Yeah, now that I think about it he kind of just reminisces about Jude like he’s passed away. It’s kind of sad.” Flux finished, tilting his head as he recalled the memories of Sharpness yearning for Jude.
“He’s the one who started ignoring Jude.” Saparata said.
“Weird. Why?” Flux said.
Saparata contemplated telling Flux about Jude’s university choice, and figured he was spilling secrets for the greater good. “Jude’s got a partial scholarship for pre-med at Harvard. They stopped talking after that.” Saparata admitted.
“Wow, that's impressive, but it’s also far.” Flux said.
Saparata let the silence stretch between them, thinking about everything Flux had said. About how Sharpness spoke of Jude like he was a lover who’d already passed away, like he was dead when they were meters away. He thought how Sharpness had said that he was ‘fixing it’, how Jude had looked ready to give everything up to have a conversation with Sharpness. Finally it occurred to him that Jude would drop Harvard if Sharpness asked, if Sharpness so much as hinted that he wanted Jude to stay. Saparata realised that Sharpness knew this, that he was taking measures he considered necessary to let Jude succeed. “These idiots.” Saparata said, already scheming.
Flux looked lost as Saparata's face twisted into a frustrated expression before he schooled his expression, this resolute confidence passing over him.
“I know what we have to do.” Saparata stated.
“We?” Flux asked, confused.
Saparata was biding his time, but the situation had taken a worse turn. Jude had begun to turn his nose at Sharpness’ presence. With every passing day the distance between the two became harder to ignore. All this pressure led to Sharpness cornering Jude in a study session.
“You and Sharpness need to talk this out, it's unbearable” Saparata said.
“He’s the one who’s ignoring me. If he wants to talk he can walk over any time.” Jude said, looking away. Even the mention of Sharpness’ name felt like another knife to the wound in his chest. He ached for that closeness, for Sharpness wide smile, for Sharpness big hands on his thigh as he drove them home. He missed his best friend.
“No. You need to go talk to him. Now.” Saparata finished, starting to gesture towards the exit.
“Listen even if I wanted to, which I don't!" Jude tacked on the second half of the sentence like he forgot he was meant to be mad. “He refuses to speak to me, I can’t fix that he hates me.”
Saparata was done with this game, with their tiptoeing around and longing eyes when the other wasn't looking.
“Hate you?” Saparata genuinely laughed, what a ridiculous statement. “He’s in love with you.” Saparata said.
Judes eyes widened. It felt like a punch to his stomach, he was more confused than ever. He’d know if Sharpness was in love with him, he knew Sharpness better than anyone else.
Saparata interrupted his chain of thoughts, saying “He’s so in love with you, that he’s willing to give up on it all to see you succeed. He knows that if he says anything wrong you’ll give up on Harvard for him. And he’d never forgive himself for holding you back.”
Jude laughed manically, eyes darting back and forth, this had to be a joke “There’s no way. I would've known, he would've told me.”
“Jude.” Saparata left out a deep breath. “You know it’s true, think about everything.”
Jude’s mind raced. Ten years of history flashed through his mind. He remembered the day they first met, how they’d become fast friends. He remembers their windows across from each other, how for a few months they’d connected their windows with a cup and wire before they got phones. He remembered Sharpness climbing into his window so they could play video games later than they were allowed to. He remembered when Sharpness first got his license, and began to drive them around. He remembered all the times Sharpness had forced his teammates into the back seat because the passenger seat was Jude’s seat. Jude thought about the way Sharpness let Jude tutor him, because Jude retained information better when he taught it to someone else. Jude remembered the way Sharpness hand had cradled his face a month ago, looked into his eyes like he was saying goodbye. Jude knew now what Sharpness had done. Jude looked back up to Saparata, eyes gleaming with tears. Sharpness was in love with him.
“He’ll be waiting at the field, he thinks I'm bringing him study notes.” Saparata said, a knowing look in his eyes and a small smile on his face.
“Thank you, Saps.” Jude said, giving his friend a quick hug before booking it towards the field.
Jude was out of breath, he’d ran across campus to get from the library to the football field. The hallways were empty, all the clubs had finished and the school had quickly emptied. He took a deep breath as he neared the door that led right onto the side of the field. He pushed it open, looking up to see Sharpness standing not far away, making himself busy on his phone. Sharpness looked up, eyes meeting Jude’s as he froze.
“Jude?” His voice broke slightly as the name left his lips.
Jude walked closer to him, mustering up the courage to say something.
“We need to talk.” Jude said, standing face to face with Sharpness. He was struggling not to cry, it was the closest proximity they’d been in a month. Jude could smell Sharpness body wash, fresh from the shower post practice. It felt so stupid to get worked up over a scent but he missed everything about Sharpness. He didn’t realise he could miss a scent until it hit his nose.
Sharpness calmed himself, “Where’s Saparata?” Sharpness asked.
“He was never coming, we need to talk.” Jude repeated himself, trying not to sound desperate.
Sharpness’ eyes darted away, “We have nothing to talk about Jude.” Sharpness stated, voice barely keeping steady.
Jude felt the sadness bubble into fury. “Nothing to talk about?” Jude let out a dry laugh. “Nothing to talk about.” The rage in his voice bubbled over. “You can't just act like we don't have years of history! Like we were nothing!” Jude said loudly. He was so frustrated and upset that he could barely control his tone. He missed Sharpness so bad, and this idiot seemed hell bent on throwing away everything they had.
Sharpness felt regret sparkle in his eyes. Losing Jude was the hardest choice he’d ever made, and this was making it harder. He knew Jude would flourish without him given time, he just needed to keep his distance. “Jude.” he breathed out the name like it was bad for him, “We were nothing. Nothing ever happened between us.” Sharpness let the words coat themself in poison, praying Jude would leave.
Jude looked taken aback by the words, his eyes furrowed as he looked down at the ground. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, unable to make eye contact as he said “If you think ten years of friendship is nothing, maybe we should keep this silence, make it really mean nothing.” Jude seemed genuinely distraught, venom in his tone.
Sharpness hated himself for the pain he was putting Jude through, “You know what I mean.” Sharpness said.
“Do I?” Jude snapped back. “We haven’t spoken in a month, Sharpness, I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Jude said. This is not how he wanted this conversation to go, he thought he could be more level headed, but everything he’d been feeling over the month had come to the surface. The betrayal, the frustration, the rage. It was overwhelming him, consuming him. Jude barely felt as the first tears started streaming down his face. He wasn't even aware he'd started crying until he tasted the salty tears on his lips.
“You just stopped speaking to me.” Jude said, looking up at Sharpness as the tears continued to flow. “You never told me why.” Jude admitted, quietly.
Sharpness watched as tears flowed down Jude’s face, he never realised how bad he’d hurt him.
“I thought it was me,” Jude said. “I was the common denominator to everything that happened.” Jude continued, wiping his eyes with his hands as the tears built, making it hard for his eyes to focus. All that rage had simmered down into an endless pit of despair that was flowing from the hole where his heart once was.
“I thought you hated me.” Jude confessed, the thought that had been plaguing him for the better part of the month. The idea festering so deep inside of him he could barely admit it as a whisper. The feeling that he’d lost Sharpness completely, that he’d done something to be hated by the man he held so dearly. To be known by someone so completely and to be rejected, discarded.
No amount of self control could have stopped Sharpness from pulling Jude into his arms. “I could never hate you.” He whispered carefully, as he ran his hand up and down Jude’s back, breathing softly into his ear as he tried to calm him down. “I never wanted to hurt you.” Sharpness admitted, letting his head fall onto Jude’s shoulder as he squeezed him tightly, feeling Jude’s body shake as he kept sobbing gently. Grief and regret raced through Sharpness’ veins. It was never meant to be like this. “I didn’t stop talking to you because I hated you, I ignored you so it would be easier for you to say goodbye.” Sharpness admitted. Admitted the dark thought that he’d had a month ago, how he’d been grieving a person who was still living. Grieving something that never happened.
“Why do we have to say goodbye?” Jude asked, looking up, still in Sharpness arms. Tear tracts painted his face a brilliant red, pink eyes shining with tears still unshed. “Why can't we stay how we’ve always been.”
Sharpness thought about it. About that selfish part of him, how it would be easier for both of them. “Because…” Sharpness started, taking a deep breath. He turned his head to the side, to give himself a brief moment to steady himself before he turned back, meeting Jude’s wide eyes. Even in this moment, Jude looked beautiful “I knew you’d stay.” Sharpness looked up, taking one more breath before repeating. “I knew you’d stay if I told you I love you. And I didn't know how much longer I could look into your eyes and pretend that I'm not.” Sharpness said, holding eye contact.
Sharpness watched as tears welled up in Jude’s eyes, tears flowing freely again as he blinked slowly a few times. Sharpness hand made its way to Jude’s cheek on muscle memory alone, gently wiping away the new tears that flowed. Sharpness looked away, tears welling up in his eyes, "I'm sorry, I love you. I never meant to hurt you.”
Jude tucked his head down, fist slamming against the center of Sharpness’ chest. He took it in stride, barely reacting as Jude did it again, body still racking itself with sobs. “Fuck you.” Jude whispered. “You idiot!” Jude’s head was still tilted down, his hands now scrunched into Sharpness shirt, the grip seeming to be the only thing grounding him in reality. His body still shook occasionally, but Sharpness couldn't see his face anymore.
“I’m sorry.” Sharpness said.
“Why’d you put me through that?” Jude said, finishing his statement with another hit to Sharpness chest, though it lacked the strength the last two had.
“I’m sorry.” Sharpness didn't know what to say, no words could change his actions.
Jude looked up, Sharpness met his eyes, they were filled with a determined fire.
“I love you.” Jude said. He held eye contact, capturing Sharpness in his gaze. “I don’t care about the distance.” Jude said. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Jude stated. His hands still had an iron grip on Sharpness shirt, keeping their proximity close. Sharpness let the words wash over him, let the words settle into his soul.
“You love me?” Sharpness asked, like an idiot.
Jude was quick to respond, sure in his words though his hands still shook. “I love you more than any distance between us can break, and I’ll keep loving you until time stops.” Jude said it like it was a universal truth. Like in every universe they were bound to be together. Like they were the only conclusion.
“I hurt you, so bad.” Sharpness says, his hand moving back to Jude’s face, staring deep into his gorgeous pink eyes. “And you still love me?” Sharpness questioned, to be sure.
“You hurt me because you love me.” Jude stated. “You were right though, I would’ve stayed here if you asked me too, but I can do both, we can figure it out.” Jude let a small smile cross his face. “You hurt me because you're an idiot. But it's okay, because you love me.” Jude let the smile on his face widen, the fact still new to him.
Sharpness looked at Jude, and thought he was the most beautiful creature to ever touch this earth. With his hands scrunched in Sharpness’ shirt, thick eyelashes wet with tears making his already gorgeous eyes pop as they looked up at him, and a soft smile stretching across his face. Sharpness stared hard, trying to commit this moment to memory. “I’ll never let you go again.” Sharpness stated. He watched as Jude nuzzled into his hand and knew that he’d sooner move a mountain before hurting Jude again.
“I’d never let you.” Jude said. Sharpness realised Jude was right in his conviction, maybe there never was another option, the two of them were always the conclusion.