Chapter Text
The plan to move to Ottawa had been in place for just over a year. Right after the cottage and the secret being spilled to Shane’s parents, they’d gotten to work on it but when the time came for Ilya to actually move into the house he’d purchased in August, Shane wasn’t there. They had planned for him to be there and then life happened and, in the end, Shane ended up not even being in the country, though he had tried to get out of the shoot. It had already been rescheduled once though and Ilya had waved him off when he’d called to apologize about it saying that it would be fine, he would be fine, and besides, the movers would do the hard part anyway. They could christen the home when Shane got back.
After the movers were gone, Ilya had a few boxes that he’d unpack himself. Sentimental items that he didn’t want anyone else to touch and other things he didn’t want them to see. Classifications were common knowledge, not something one could hide, though Ilya’s father had tried so hard to hide Ilya’s. Despite his best efforts, they hadn’t been able to hide that he was a Little, but they were able to keep the age range Ilya fell into under wraps. Better to think he was a surly teen than a toddler. He’d gotten better at admitting it thanks to Shane, but still. Strangers didn’t need to know everything about him.
It was on the second day that Ilya began to feel a bit fuzzy around the edges. Big changes could cause a drop and this certainly was a big change. Moving countries again with no one around to catch him. Moving to a team that was shit and wouldn’t win cups any time soon. The backlash around it all was still circling and Ilya tried to just shake his head and all negative vibes off, but it was hard. But now he just wanted Shane who wouldn’t be back until the day after tomorrow which was unfortunate because he felt the tug of being small and it wasn’t so easily pushed away.
Even after a year, Ilya had only spent a handful of days with Yuna and David and always with Shane there. They had good conversation and meals together, but Shane was always a buffer. Ilya didn’t know if they really liked him or not. Tolerated because of Shane or perhaps liked him simply because he did play good hockey, even if it was against their son. Occasionally, Shane would be talking to them on the phone and he’d stopped to let Ilya know his mom said hi or his dad had read something in the New Yorker that he thought Ilya would like and it was all very strange for Ilya. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Now they were the only people he knew in this town. He hadn’t even met his new team yet.
They were also the only people in this town he thought he could trust with Shane gone. They’d never done anything to make him feel unsafe, though sometimes Ilya was still a little bit jumpy. That couldn’t be helped - not after the childhood he had - but he was getting better about not jumping whenever David put a hand on his shoulder. They were nice people. And that’s why when he realized he was feeling small, he decided that he could go to them.
He could take care of himself when he was small. It was what he had always done before Shane, though, on occasion, Ilya would find himself going to Svetlana. She wasn’t a caregiver, so it never fully gave him what he needed other than companionship and an adult who made sure he ate. He always thought it was better to just go at it alone but Shane didn’t like that. Shane always wanted him to call or go somewhere safe though he understood when Ilya couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. He understood that it was hard enough to be a little on the ice and having a classification age range leak would leave Ilya open to a lot more chirps that would be much more difficult to handle. Thank you to the internalized shame he’d gotten from his father and brother and Mother Russia.
But today, he was going to do what Shane wanted. He could go sit with Yuna and David and wait for Shane to come back. He could do that.
Ilya walked carefully along the streets of Ottawa, making sure he always waited for signs to say he could cross and looking both ways before he did. He felt a little guilty because he knew he wasn’t supposed to cross the street without a grown up when he was feeling small, but he figured it was okay this one time because he was trying to get somewhere safe. And he was following all the rules! Shane was going to be proud. The thought made him very happy.
His slides slapped against the soles of his bare feet as he walked and he kind of wanted to take them off but the concrete was hot, which he’d learned the few times they’d somehow slipped completely off his feet and his heels met pavement. Probably, Shane would’ve told him to put on sneakers for walking so long and so far, but laces were tricky when he got like this and not tying his laces was bad because then he could trip and fall and even though he knew how to fall because they taught that in hockey, sometimes he forgot when he was small and got hurt and Shane wasn’t there to help and kiss the owies so Ilya didn’t want to risk it. The slippy-slappy slides were better.
The longer he walked, the more he unsure he felt about going because he had never had more than a few minute conversation alone with either of them before Shane came in and maybe they wouldn’t be okay with him coming there. He was sure that they were probably okay with Littles because Shane was good with them and Shane loved his parents so he highly doubted they wouldn’t have given him that goodness, but maybe they wouldn’t want him there. It made his tummy feel all twisty.
As he neared their home the panic crept in further. Was this a dumb idea? Maybe it was. Maybe he shouldn’t have come over and they’d be mad at him. His father would have been mad at him for burdening someone with his issues. But Shane would be proud. It was knowing that Shane would be that kept him walking. As he kept going, he did hope that it would be Yuna who was home. As a person, Yuna was sharp and Ilya would never want to be on the wrong side of her, but mama’s were usually better than papa’s.
David opened the door and blinked in surprise. He had known, of course, that Ilya had come to town the day before because Shane had told him and Yuna the exact move in date and that they’d stop by later in the week to have dinner together and to please don’t go over early and overwhelm Ilya.
“Ilya,” he said. “This is a surprise.”
“Hi,” Ilya said, then just blinked at him.
David glanced around as if half-expecting Shane to show up. He didn’t see his son, but what he did see was even more confusing. His own car was in the driveway and the street was clear of vehicles.
“Ilya, where’s your car?”
“Home,” Ilya said. “I walk here.”
“You walked? Your place is across town. You must’ve walked for over an hour.” David looked down and saw what Ilya was wearing. More or less appropriate for the weather, but the shoes were incredibly inappropriate for a 6.5 mile walk. “Ilya, are you okay?”
Ilya nodded, not looking directly at David as he did. “Uh-huh. I am sorry to come but Shane, he not like when I alone? I can please sit inside until maybe feeling better?”
Ilya had stayed just enough big to be able to have more words and for it not to be extremely dangerous for him to walk across town, but he was definitely feeling pretty small.
“Ilya,” David said. “Are you feeling small?”
One more head nod. They were inside now, the door closed before anyone could see Ilya Rozanov on the stoop of the Hollander’s home.
“I am sorry,” Ilya said.
“Don’t be. Come in and let’s get you off your feet.”
Once he was sitting, Ilya could tell that his feet would not be thanking him later. David pulled the slides off of his feet and inspected them, grimacing at whatever state they were in, then patted his knee. Ilya made a conscious effort not to jump.
“We’ll fix that up. Can you tell me how old you are right now?”
Ilya held up one hand. Five full fingers on display for David to look at and count. Looking at Ilya’s face and mannerisms now, David had to wonder if Ilya was lying or just didn’t know how to count.
“I’m going to go get some bandages. I will be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
When he came back, he cleaned Ilya’s feet, placing a few bandaids where blisters had formed and then let them go. There was a mumbled thank you and then no other talking. David had been around other littles a million different times in his life and Ilya was not acting like any he’d ever known. He knew very little about Ilya’s childhood, just the bits and pieces that they’d gathered talking to him over their handful of dinners or things Shane said to them in passing. Nothing concrete, nothing that clearly stated “Yes, I was abused as a child,” but enough. David noticed the jumpiness when he came too close to the young man. This was just more of the same.
“Ilya? Do you want to watch TV?”
“No thank you,” Ilya said.
They didn’t have little things in their home. Neither of them were little and Shane wasn’t either. Honestly, it was stupid of them to not have things for Ilya since they both knew he was one, but they’d never been told how old he was when he dropped. They should have asked and he’d have words with Yuna later. Since when wasn’t Yuna prepared for any situation? She’d give him words right back, rightfully deserved. David could’ve asked too.
All Ilya needed to do was sit there and stay quiet and it would be okay. He wouldn’t bother them anymore than he absolutely had to. But then David was in front of him, hands covering his face. Ilya’s brows furrowed, not sure what David was doing, and then the hands fell and David was making a silly face.
“Peekaboo!”
Ilya’s eyes widened, not in alarm, but in delight. A little huff of a laugh escaped him and when David did the act again, another one slipped out. He clapped his hands together, slipping further, delighted with the game that was being played.
It had been a little bit since Ilya had last dropped properly if he were being honest. He would’ve liked it to have been more often, as he usually did in the summers, but he and Shane had been busy. Shane had endorsements and ads to shoot for and Ilya had been busy signing with Ottawa and selling his home in Boston. They hadn’t met up since late June and now it was nearing mid-August.
“Peekaboo!”
Ilya laughed more, still clapping and it answered at least some of David’s questions. Definitely not five or lying. Probably Ilya couldn’t count or else didn’t really know what age he actually dropped to. A call to Shane would be necessary, but that could wait until Yuna came home at least. Until then, David would sit and he’d play peekaboo and maybe feed him a snack if he was hungry.
“Peekaboo!”
Another laugh and then, to David’s surprise, Ilya covered his own face to mimic what David was doing. He held his hands there for a second too long and then pulled them away.
“Pee boo!” Ilya said. “Pee boo!”
“That’s right! Peekaboo!”
Yuna came in, nearly twenty minutes later with a grocery bag in one hand and her phone in the other, scrolling through emails for anything interesting. It came down, sliding into her pocket when she saw the scene in the living room.
“What’s this?” She asked. A smile was playing across her face.
“Ilya,” David said slowly, “walked all the way here from his house because he was feeling small.”
“Walked? That’s all the way across town. What do you mean he walked here while he was feeling small?” Yuna was kicking off her shoes because they were a strict shoes off household and frowned when she saw the extra pair sitting on the shoe caddy. Not shoes at all but sandals. “Did he walk here in these sandals?”
“Yes,” David said.
“Ilya, honey, why didn’t you call us?”
Ilya looked truly baffled, like the thought of using his phone hadn’t occurred to him. His attention turned to Yuna, who had walked closer to him now and was crouching to be at eye level to him.
“We have been playing a rousing game of peekaboo,” David told her seriously. “But maybe while we go to the kitchen for a snack you can call Shane for some other ideas for us to do after?”
Yuna nodded, pushing Ilya’s curls off his forehead. He’d grown them out a little since the season ended and could do with a haircut.
“I can do that,” she said.
Ilya looked uncertain now and said, “No eat. I good.”
“You’d be good with a snack too,” Yuna said.
Ilya shook his head, chewing his lip just a couple of times before he replaced the lip with the middle and pointer fingers on his left hand. They were narrowing down his headspace little by little.
“It sure looks like you need a snack if you’re going to eat your fingers,” David joked.
The fingers came out.
David and Yuna shared a look and filed that away in the shared folder they had been cataloging about their son’s boyfriend for the last year. The list of things they thought they should be concerned about continued to grow.
Yuna smiled and then pushed his curls back from his forehead before pressing a kiss to it. He went crosseyed trying to see what she was doing and, despite his constant assurances to anybody who knew him, he blushed a little.
“You are very safe here, Ilya. I’m so glad you came. Now, you go to the kitchen with David and get a snack and I am going to call Shane.”
“S’ane,” Ilya said. “S’ane come?”
“No, I’m sorry, but he’s in California, remember? He will definitely want to talk to you though. And I know it would make him feel better knowing you had food in your belly.”
Because Ilya wanted to make Shane happy, he nodded. The reason why he was here in the first place was because he’d wanted Shane to be proud of him and he wasn’t going to ruin that by keeping his belly empty when Shane wanted it to be full. He stood up, teetering for just a moment before regaining his balance, and took David’s hand, letting himself be led into the kitchen.
Yuna smiled at their retreating forms and then pulled her phone from her back pocket. Shane would be getting ready to go, but probably not have left yet for the shoot. She opened his contact and listened to it ring.
“Mom?”
“Hey, honey,” Yuna said. “Have you left for the shoot yet?”
Shane rolled his eyes. “Mom, I am a fully grown adult and can get places on time you know. I don’t have to leave for another half hour.”
“I do know that, Shane, but I was calling to see if you had time for a few questions about Ilya.”
“Ilya? What do you want to know? I already said you didn’t need to get him anything for his house.”
“No, it’s not that. He came over. Your father said he walked all the way here from his house. Honey, how old is he when he drops? He seems awfully little.”
“Ilya walked to your house? Little? God, please tell me he was wearing shoes?”
“Yes, he did. He was wearing his slides. Now, Shane, I need to know what things he needs please. Does he have anything at the house that he’d want now?”
“No, not his house,” Shane said. “He doesn’t keep a lot there. Like basics, obviously, but we’re still trying to find the right lovey still.”
Yuna jotted a note about that - they’d need to rectify that. Every little deserved to have a constant comfort item they carted around. Shane had been a blanket kid. She wondered what Ilya’d had - if anything - when he was a little boy.
“Right, so, dad and I will just get new and not bother at the house. Now, how old is he? Do we need diapers or pull-ups? Bottles? I need to make sure I’m getting the right things.”
Shane pinched the bridge of his nose. Ilya was going to hate this. “Maybe I need to say I got a stomach thing and come home early.”
“That would look terrible doing that when your shoot is in an hour and we’ve already rescheduled once. You can’t do that again, Shane. Now, dad and I’ve got this. It would go a lot smoother and you’d have more time to talk with Ilya before you have to leave if you just give me straight answers, Shane.”
“He needs diapers, but you might want to try pull-ups just to give him some control since he’s not used to being little around you and dad. He uses sippy cups, but does like a bottle at bed. He likes soft toys, but he’s also like super into trains? I think they remind him of Moscow or something.”
“Got it,” Yuna said. “What about diet? Anything special on that front?”
“No, he’s pretty good at eating when he’s small. Maybe have dad try his hat at some Russian recipes? He loves blini when he’s small. It’s kind of like pancakes?”
Yuna wrote this down as well. It wouldn’t be the first time David had tried his hat at creating a Russian dish for Ilya and David was a good cook so he could make most anything. Russian pancakes didn’t seem that hard to her.
She headed into the kitchen and smiled at what she saw. Ilya was sitting at the table, pressing bits of cut up fruit into his mouth while David encouraged him gently, clearly telling some sort of story to keep Ilya engaged.
“Ilya?” Yuna said. “Honey? Do you want to talk to Shane?”
“S’ane?” Ilya said, turning to look at her, his eyes wide and bright. He reached out, one hand coated in banana and berry juice, making grabby hands and mushing the banana further between his fingers. “S’ane come?”
Yuna had put the phone on speaker and suddenly Shane’s voice could be heard in the kitchen. Shane looked around curiously, as if Shane was just in another room.
“S’ane? Where? You play hide seek?” He stood from the chair and smiled slightly and said, “I find!”
“No, baby. I’m on the phone. I’m in California, remember?”
“Da. S’ane see me?”
Shane sent the facetime request immediately and Yuna quickly answered it before sticky hands could do it. Ilya’s whole face lit up like the sun at seeing Shane and Yuna and David shared another look full of fondness.
“S’ane,” Ilya said seriously. “You see me? You proud? I small so I come be safe. I do good?”
“I am so proud,” Shane said. “We can talk about what shoes you wear next time, but I’m so happy you realized you needed help and went somewhere safe for you. Are you going to be good for my mom and dad until I can get home?”
Ilya nodded and pressed more banana into his mouth and said, “Good boy.”
“And good boys can still be loud and messy, right?” Shane said gently. “They don’t need to play statues or the quiet game. And good boys say if they have an accident, right?”
Ilya crinkled his nose a little bit, letting out a slight whine even as he nodded. He hated whenever Shane was so blunt about things and especially hated when he had to acknowledge that sometimes he didn’t remember to go potty.
Yuna jotted a few more things down in her notebook, understanding that this was not being said for Ilya’s benefit at this time, but for hers and David’s. Clearly there were things they needed to know, but they didn’t have long and maybe, just maybe, Ilya needed the reminders too.
“S’ane, nana?” Ilya said, offering the new smushed banana in his right hand to the phone as if Shane could reach out and take it.
“You eat it,” Shane said.
Ilya stuffed it in his mouth, then looked back at the plate and said, “All gone!”
“Good job, baby! You did so good eating. I have to go now, but I will call you tonight, okay?”
It took a few more minutes of back and forths before Ilya reached out with his sticky, fruit covered hands and picked up the phone, pressing a kiss to the screen before handing it back to Yuna and saying, “Bye bye my S’ane.”
Ordinarily, Yuna might be upset about her phone being manhandled by sticky fingers, but this was entirely too adorable so she was going to let it slide. She said goodbye to Shane and then immediately started wiping it down while David worked on wiping down the sticky fingers in question.
“Shane gave me a basic rundown, so I’m going to run out and get a few things,” Yuna said, handing the list over to David. “Unless you need me to stay?”
“I got him,” David said.
To his credit, he didn’t bat an eye at any of the items that Yuna had jotted down, not that she really thought he would. David had always been good with kids and littles - better than she ever was. She was more worried about Ilya instead because he had always been better with Yuna than David.
It wasn’t something any of them talked about, never addressing the elephant in the room when Ilya would flinch if David lifted a hand up too high or too close to Ilya or how no matter what, Ilya never turned his back on the older man. After raising Shane, who’d turned his back to them a countless number of times and who had no problem getting snippy with them, it was a shock to be around Ilya who was polite to a fault and not once showed even a smidgeon of attitude or sass towards or about them directly. Yuna and David were not dumb people and could read between the lines of what had happened to Ilya growing up with a father who was just as cold then as he was six feet under the ground.
Yuna took the list back from her husband, then pressed a kiss to the top of Ilya’s head as she passed. Ilya tipped backwards to look at her, surprise coloring him from the sudden affection. He smiled at her and got up from the chair - easy to do because they didn’t have a high chair for him, though if he was this small, that might be something to invest in for the future, and he trailed after her curiously, watching her pick up the purse and slip her feet back into her shoes.
“Go?” Ilya asked, then frowned. “I go. You stay?”
“No, you’re going to stay with David while I go get a few things. I’ll be back soon,” Yuna promised. “No one is leaving because of you. Is that okay?”
Ilya glanced back at David, who’d moved to stand in the doorway and was leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed, an easy smile on his face. Logically, Ilya knew David wouldn’t hurt him because he was a good man, incredibly different from his own father, but Ilya still worried. He didn’t know either Hollander parent that well and, especially when small, men of authority tended to scare him. But David had been nice and he had really enjoyed peekaboo so he found himself nodding.
“Brave boy,” Yuna said with a smile, patting his cheek gently.
“Now I’m just going to get a few things for you and then I’ll be right back so quick, okay?”
“Dlya menya?” Ilya said, his brows furrowed. He pointed at his chest and then, seeming to remember that Yuna didn’t know Russian said, “For me?”
“Yes, for you. Some toys and maybe some cozy pajamas.”
Ilya reached for his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He didn’t bother with fumbling to open it and pull out any bills or select a specific card, just handed the whole thing over to her.
“What’s this for?”
“Dlya menya,” Ilya said. “My money for me things.”
Yuna would not be using his wallet for anything, but she took it anyway if only to keep him from getting upset. Yes, he was a millionaire, but she and David weren’t destitute and they could afford to buy a few toys and soft pajamas for him and there was nothing Ilya could do or say - big or small - that would change that.
“Okay, sweetheart. I’m going to go now. You be good for David okay?”
“Okay,” Ilya said. Then he quickly wrapped her in a hug and said, “Bye bye.”
Once Yuna was gone, Ilya turned on his heel and padded out of the hallway and back to the living room. When David joined him, Ilya was sitting straight up on the couch, feet planted flat on the floor and hands folded on his lap. It was much too still for a twenty-seven year old and even more stiff for a toddler Little. Everything about it made David uneasy. Between the stillness and the silence, David didn’t know what was worse, just that it was all kinds of wrong.
“Kiddo? What’re you doing?”
“Being good,” Ilya said. “I not annoy you. I play statue and quiet game. Okay?”
Oh. Oh no. David was already shaking his head before Ilya even finished the sentence because, well, there was no other reason other than no. That’s not what Littles played. That’s not what kids played.David had the sinking suspicion that Ilya had been playing both his whole life.
“I hear you and you’re doing a really good job at them, but we actually don’t like to play those games here,” David said.
“Oh. I do wrong?”
“Nope, not wrong,” David said quickly because there was no way he could let Ilya think he had done anything wrong right now. “Just not the kind of games we like here. We can play other games. I know peekaboo and patty cake and I’ve got some pens we can draw with if you want. Or we can watch TV.”
“Pat cakes?” Ilya asked. “Eat?”
“There’s no real cake. It’s just a game.”
“Oh.”
“Maybe we can have real cake later. Do you want me to show you the game?”
“S’ane know?”
“I’m sure Shane knows it. I used to play patty cake with him all the time when he was little.”
This seemed to satisfy Ilya who then agreed to play the game. David spent several minutes going over the hand game, Ilya concentrating hard on making sure he got the hand motions right, but he didn’t seem to like it as much as he had peekaboo. He also kept forgetting he needed a second hand and would pull his thumb from his mouth a little late to clap his hands together. After a few rounds David smiled gently and pulled back, noting that Ilya also seemed pretty tired.
“Are you sleepy?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” Ilya said, covering his mouth when he yawned.
David pulled the soft throw blanket off the top of the couch and said, “How about you take a rest? You can take a little nap here and when you wake up, I’m sure Yuna will back and there will be some toys for you to play with.”
“Toy?” Ilya said, as if he hadn’t had the conversation with Yuna all of twenty minutes ago.
“Yep. Toys for you. And you can play with all of them when you wake up. How about that?”
“What toy?” Ilya asked curiously.
“What kind of toy do you want?”
Ilya looked a little nervous, the poor baby wringing his hands like this was a test and if he answered wrong, he’d be in trouble. David wondered about Etsy witches some of his younger colleagues talked about and if any of them were in the business of necromancy so he could bring Grigori back to life and kill him himself.
“T’ain?” Ilya said.
“You like trains?”
Ilya nodded shyly, then rubbed at his eyes, the heel of his palms digging into them. Clearly he was exhausted and a glance at the clock would tell David it was the perfect time for a mid-afternoon nap, especially considering Ilya had walked so far in the summer heat and had a tummy full of bananas and berries.
“I bet there will definitely be a train when you wake up. Can you lie down for me?”
Ilya nodded, shifting and squirming until he was laying fully on the couch, using a throw pillow to prop up his head. The blanket was soft against his bare arms and legs and he sighed softly, tugging it up a little to rub against his cheek, brushing it softly over his skin as he let sleep drag him under while David quietly hummed some soft lullaby from the deep recesses of his mind to get him there quickly. David was just thankful he felt safe enough to close his eyes there. He was going to make it a point to undo every fear that had been instilled in this young man if it was the last thing he did.