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My Flor Lady

Summary:

JULIE SUTTEN, Independent is an actor. She doesn't need a wellness check, and she certainly doesn't need Affini poking around her business and asking why she hasn't taken on any new roles since the plants took over.
So to throw them off, she takes a part in a floret cut of My Fair Lady as-
ELIZA DOOLITTLE, Independent is a flower girl. She doesn't need a wellness check, and she certainly doesn't need Affini poking around her business and asking why she's struggling.
So to throw them off, she begs one to teach her how to be a good, proper sophont.
Eliza is sure she'll get through this untamed.
Julie isn't.

Chapter 1: Act One Scene 1

Summary:

Curtains up.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

An articial dawn sweeps over the city-ship LONDINIUM, freshly departed from Terra itself with a new wave of rescued sophonts. It is beautiful in an artfully curated fashion - something fake that is aware of its own fakeness, and does not pretend to be otherwise. A beautiful main street is full of bustling sophonts of all shapes and kinds, some lone Affini and some partnered with cute little florets on leashes. We do not see any unaccompanied sophonts.

Bustling businesses conduct their fare to and fro, but at Stage Right we can see an empty little flower shop, tucked into a side-street. There’s a bored, collarless girl behind the counter, idly picking petals off a flower. SHE clearly doesn’t see much business. This is ELIZA DOOLITTLE, INDEPENDENT.

Julie woke up with a start, the insistent alarm of her hab’s AI informing her that it was “a beautiful morning in New Carya,” which was stupid, since she never actually got up while it was still morning. Though- Huh. 10:00 AM in blinking red on the clock. No wonder she felt so awful.

“Hab, why did you wake me up so early?” Julie asked, throwing open the blinds to try to get a sense of what was going on. She didn’t have anything to do today, there was simply no reason for even the “smart” computer of her hab to go off instead of letting her wake up on her own

“You have a visitor today, Julie.” A feeling like cold water went down her back, followed by a quick sprint into the shower to pour literal cold water to follow it. Thankfully, she could hear the speakers perfectly well even over the roar of the faucet. Affini technology! Fixing the acoustics of speakers everywhere.

“What fucking visitor? I told Viper to fuck off!” Julie cried out, letting out a little hiss. Besides, they knew better than to bother her after a night out like that. The nerve, to ask her to -

“Miss Helice Hedera, Fifth Bloom is on her way up the stairs as we speak.”

“And why the hell would she be here?” Clothes went on, a simple white top and some loose matching pants. Long red-brown hair was dry and fluffy in an instant thanks to some contraption that had replaced her blow-dryer when she’d moved in. Simple makeup to add some color to her pale skin and bring out the flecks of gold in her eyes. It was all rushed, but she just had to look vaguely put together. The last thing she needed was some Affini seeing a mess and asking for a-

“Wellness check, Julia. I think someone must have been a bit worried about you and asked the Bureau to make sure you were okay!”

ARONIA MEL, FOURTH BLOOM emerges from the darkness of Stage Right. A dark plant with beautiful white blooms dotting her form, SHE enters the shop and starts idly browsing through the flowers. The music and background fanfare quiets to perfect silence.

ARONIA (after a moment to let the quiet settle in)

And what did that poor flower ever do to you, hm?

ELIZA (startled by the sudden appearance of a customer)

Oh! I-

(SHE looks down at the flower in her hands, and pauses for a second before trying to press the petals back into place.)

ELIZA

I’m so terribly sorry if- I didn’t mean any offence by- that’s not against the law, is it?

ARONIA

The law? And so what if it were?

ELIZA

Well you’re not a cop, are you? Or a uh… What is it called? A “Wellness Counsellor?”

(A lingering pause)

Fuck. Just as she finished getting ready, the door swung open, and a practical wall of greenery poured its way through the entry frame. Julie had asked for small doors when moving into her Hab, and Affini visitors often had to distort their shape to get in. Not that it stopped them, the fuckers.

This one quickly resumed its normal appearance- almost nine feet of bright green leaves in a vaguely-humanoid form, vines trailing down from the tip of its head and across the more-packed central shape, like long hair on some portrait of a nude goddess. Tiny, somehow even brighter green-yellow flowers dotted its shape, two rows of two clusters forming little “eyes” on its face. Julie knew Affini didn’t need eyes to see, so she wasn’t sure why it bothered.

“Hello dear, my name is Helice Hedera, Fifth Bloom, she/her. Could you introduce yourself for me?” The affini — Helice — asked. Julie snorted in response.

“Why? Don’t you already know who I am? It’d be a pretty poor wellness check if you didn’t.” Helice tilted her head.

“I want to make sure I have the right person, petal! What if you had just been a friend of this hab’s inhabitant, stopping over for a visit?” She replied. All cheery-like. Why did everything have to be a game with the Affini?

“Couldn’t you have just checked with the hab? Not like it’s set up to protect my privacy anyways. Putting on alarms I didn’t set. Letting strange plants into my hab." Helice stepped a bit closer, and Julie did her best not to flinch away.

“Part of the wellness check is seeing how sociable you are with a stranger, Julia. Another part is seeing if you’re observing a healthy sleep cycle. Do you normally sleep in much longer than this? I had thought I was setting a reasonable time…” Helice trailed off. The plant’s tone was suddenly a lot scarier. But she didn’t sound angry, or bitter, or sad. No, if anything Julie would say the Affini was excited. Like Helice Hedera, Fifth Bloom had just found a great big treat for herself.

ARONIA

No, I’m not a police officer, or even a wellness counsellor. My name is Aronia Mel, Fourth Bloom (she/her). I’m a xenoanthropologist.

ELIZA (confused)

Xeno-anthro- you study aliens?

ARONIA (finding Eliza adorable)

You got it! I specialize in humans, actually. Are you from Terra by any chance?

(ELIZA nods, which earns her a head-pat from ARONIA. SHE scowls.)

ARONIA

I knew it! It’s so much fun to see if you can pin down what part of the galaxy a sophont is from, just by observing their adorable little mannerisms.

ELIZA (wryly)

Or by knowing what planet you just stopped at.

ARONIA (resigned, but like she’s indulging ELIZA)

Yes, dear, that too. You seem new to all of this. Are you settling in okay?

ELIZA (cautious again)

I thought you weren’t doing a wellness check!

ARONIA (laughing)

My oh my, aren’t you a skittish one? No, I said I wasn’t a wellness counselor. I never said I wasn’t doing a wellness check.

ELIZA (more panicked)

Are you?!

ARONIA (still laughing a bit)

No, I’m not. What’s your name, petal?

ELIZA (relaxing, but still a bit confused)

Eliza Doolittle, Independent.

“So can you introduce yourself for me, or no? It’s your choice, dear.” Like it was any real choice. Do what the plants say or you get collared. That was the only real choice Julie had these days.

“Julie Sutten, Independent, she/her. Who asked for you to wellness check me? I’m fine,” Julie finally spoke. In response, Helice took a sweeping look across the apartment. There were no empty plates still stained with food, no piles of unfolded laundry or obvious signs of suffering. Julie wasn’t that stupid. You had to keep a tight ship, or the plants would get you.

“I’m afraid I can’t really say, Julia. But thank you for introducing yourself. Such a lovely home you have here!” Julie supposed it was. She didn’t have much, but she kept it close to her heart. A cozy pink bed where she spent most of her time sat up on a loft, the white-brick wall behind it covered in all manner of playbills and posters. From there she could look out across her den. It was filled with little couches clustered around a central table, as if to imply she needed plenty of room to host friends (she never did). A kitchen sat near the door, which actually saw a fair amount of use. Cooking instead of compiling did wonders for driving off some plants.

But aside from that there wasn’t much to it. She had just stepped out of the bathroom at the top of the stairs, which meant that for now she got to be taller than the affini at the bottom. A rare luxury.

ARONIA (teasing)

What a lovely name~ Though I would say you seem to be doing quite a bit here! Maybe you should change that last part.

ELIZA

I can handle it. But I’d never change the name.

ARONIA

Family sentimentality?

ELIZA (shaking her head)

No family. Grew up on my own. No one else here at the shop either. Not since they scooped us all up. But still, I’d never change the name.

ARONIA (both confused and intrigued)

Why? You can be anything you like, don’t you know that dear?

ELIZA

Maybe I could. But what's in a name? “That which we call a rose-

ARONIA (cutting her off)

-By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.”
I would hardly say that passage proves your point.

ELIZA

It only proves your point if you believe poor Juliet. Wait, Shakespeare’s Terran. Why do you know him?

ARONIA

From my studies. He’s quite the influential figure in Terran culture. That’s why I’m familiar with that play, and that passage. But I didn’t think…

ELIZA

You didn’t think the poor little flower girl would have such hidden depths?

ARONIA (a bit sadly)

No, I didn’t. I’m sorry to judge you so, Eliza. Clearly there’s more to you than meets the eye.

“So do I pass the wellness check then? Clearly you can see I’m taking care of myself, no issue.” Julie said. It took a lot out of her, truth be told, but there was no need to let the plant know that. Ignoring her question, Helice started to creep up the stairs. Eventually, it pointed past Julie at the wall behind the bed.

“You have one of those from each play you’ve acted in, right Julia?” Helice asked. Yes, she did. Not that there’d been anything worth acting out since the Affini had arrived. It was all just floret cuts of one kind or another - everything else was “offensive to the sensibilities of poor sophonts” and “carried ingrained lessons of patriarchy and capitalism.” They wouldn’t censor you outright, they’d let you perform… but it had only taken a few opening nights of empty seats for the old productions to dry up.

“Yeah. So?” She replied. Helice smiled. The Affini didn’t have any teeth (or at least Julie hoped not), so it was more of a particular contortion of a twist of the shrubbery that made up her face.

“So there haven’t been any new ones added for the last few years, petal. We’re a bit worried that you might be… floundering.” She tried out the word like it was uncertain about the exact meaning. Had the counselor learned English the old-fashioned way? Instead of just using some translator? Stupid translators. Julie had asked to get one so she could understand Affini, and was just told that she didn’t need to “worry her cute little head about <adult-conversations>.” Fucking Affini.

“I’m not defined by my work.” This was, to put it mildly, a lie. Julie knew on an intellectual level that it was perfectly alright to do nothing all day, to sleep in or jerk off or spend hours and hours watching old Terran films or go clubbing with Viper until the early hours of the morning. But it all felt… hollow. Before all of those things had sat around the intense periods of focus when she was rehearsing or performing. She was used to working hard and playing hard and without the work the play felt… wrong.

“I never said you were, Julia. But are you happy without it? It certainly seemed like an important part of your life before. And you weren’t pursuing it for any material reason - I’ve been told acting in the Terran Accord didn’t exactly pay the bills!” She said that last part with a little titter of a laugh, and Julie just wanted to punch her. She wouldn’t, but something about getting her hands on that tall, curvy bundle of weeds would just be so… gratifying.

ELIZA (eager to change the topic)

So what are you doing here?

ARONIA

I was, believe it or not, looking for some flowers. Do you have any violets?

ELIZA

No, they’re not in season.

ARONIA (intrigued)

Which season is that?

ELIZA

Well, the growing season. I would have thought you would know about that.

Remembering she’d been asked a question, Julie snapped out of her revenge fantasy.

“Y-yeah! Super happy! And it’s not like I’m done as an actress. I’m just… picky about what parts I take. That’s all.”

“So do you need some help finding a play?” Nope. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Julie would die before she starred in some awful floret cut, collared and whining about how lovesick she was for her owner. And “some help.” Obviously needing help was a surefire way to get collared, but so was asking for it. She had to show she could do this by herself…

“No thank you! I was actually going to audition for a part today!" She quickly replied. Viper would be at the theater all day today. She just had to go down there and get stoned for an hour between whatever awful florets they were auditioning.

“So you don’t mind if I tag along? I’m sure if I see you up on stage that will put my mind fully at rest. Then you can get back to being… picky about your parts,” Helice chimed back. Oh, so that was the game? Fuck, this would- She could - Julie could make this work, she just had to-

“Sure! Sounds great! Let’s go now. I was going to get up soon to head down to the theatre anyways,” she said casually, before quickly swinging over the railing and dropping down before the Affini could catch her. From there it was a quick step over to the door and her communicator.

JULIE: yo viper i’m coming over now like I said yesterday.

VIPER: …

No actual response, just a few dots that bubbled and disappeared. Whatever. They could be mad about yesterday, but Viper would understand once Julie got to the theatre with a weed latched around her ankle.

The pair stepped out onto the street, foggy morning light of New Carya pouring down around them. There had never been an “Old” Carya, but Julie could respect needing a fresh start with a name. Even if she wished… well Julie wasn’t sure if she wished the weeds had never shown up. They were annoying, but it was genuinely nice to live in a post-scarcity future-tech utopia. She just wished they would leave her alone, that’s all.

ARONIA (amused)

Of course I know what a growing season is. But we’re on a ship hurtling through the very stars themselves. You could have any season you liked, my dear petal.

ELIZA (a bit annoyed)

I am not your petal. And I stick to the growing seasons back on Terra. Keeps everything in nice order.

ARONIA

But I’m sure you could have so many more beautiful flowers if you grew whatever you heart desired, darling~

ELIZA (still annoyed)

Not your darling either. And it doesn’t matter how much I sell-

(ARONIA flinches on the word “sell”)

ELIZA (continuing)

-I get to keep my shop either way, right? I can do as much or as little work as I please.

(ELIZA goes back to picking at her flower as ARONIA tries to process what’s just been said.)

ARONIA (after some longer pause)

Why do you have a shop at all then, sweetie? If you don’t want to run it I’m sure any sophont could just compile-

Finally they got to the theatre, crossing the nearest bridge. Julie hadn’t had many opinions about location when the plants had forcibly moved her out of the death-trap she’d called an apartment, but “close to the theatre district” was essential. Not in the actual mass of theatres, only lunatics like Viper lived among the 24/7 blaring mess of neon lights and orchestra sound. Though with the sound dampening that had been installed over the last little bit…

Still, the short walk from Julie’s place to The Old Haven seemed tortuously long with Helice trailing after her.

In through the back doors and across the hall to the stage entrance, where Viper was… actually waiting for her. Sitting at an otherwise-empty table, twiddling their thumbs and with an impenetrable expression. Which shortly changed to shock when they saw Julie enter with an Affini in tow.

“And who is this adorable bundle of sunshine? Could you introduce us, Julia?” Julie grit her teeth as Helice’s overly-cheery voice rang out.

As if anyone could ever call Viper a bundle of sun- well admittedly the director did have a bit of a golden-hour aesthetic going for them. Tall-ish and with a lithe, predator’s frame, Viper had a shock of blonde hair shooting up from their head, buzzed short at the sides. Golden piercings dotted their face, and revealing clothes showed off… not much. Viper was the only sophont Julie had known to go on Class-Gs to make it less clear what their preferred presentation was. Which, knowing Viper, was the preference in and of itself.

“This is Viper, Independent, they/them. Viper, this is Helice Hedera, Fifth Bloom, she/her. She’s doing a wellness check on me today. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” Julie asked, her voice a mocking imitation of Helice's forced brightness. Viper blinked in surprise, but they were almost as good an actor as they were a director. Julie had lost one too many rounds of poker assuming their reactions weren’t faked.

“Can’t say I do, Julie. Pretty lucky to have it happen on the day of your audiition, though. You always do better with a bigger audience,” they answered in their usual disaffected, amused drawl. Like they weren’t still mad at her for refusing yesterday. Fucker.

“Give me the sides then. You still haven’t told me what the actual play is. Just begged me to come read for you.”

“I- You’ll see what it is, Julie. Just read.” So Julie did, taking the page and finding the marked passage. Her character was… Eliza. It looked like she was starting a little tirade. Slowly, but gaining speed as she kept reading, Julie began to speak.

ELIZA (interrupting ARONIA, suddenly furious)

Compile? Compile? You don’t get it, you weeds never do! I would sooner tear up the whole lot than compile a single petal on a single flower!

(ELIZA tears up the flower she’d been trying to put together, before gesturing around to the rest of the shop)

ELIZA (madder and madder)

These are my life’s work. Even back on Terra, back on Earth, I kept it going. Not the manager. Not the owner. Me. Silly little Eliza Do-Nothing, the stupid, stupid flower girl!
And then when we came here you ripped them all away, and made me do it with even less. So when I slack off, when I laze about, when I decide what’s in season- Those are my choices, and what I need for my profession, my passion, my art.
You say I should change my name, change my flowers, change my work. Without understanding even a single bit of what’s in a name, and what I do to keep the roses smelling so sweet. To hell with Juliet, and to hell with you, Aronia!

It wasn’t a long monologue, but when Eliza- when Julia came out of it she was breathless, tears streaming down her face as she let whatever venom she had in her drip out through the words on the page. This was no floret cut, this was an indictment of everything she couldn’t stand about the Compact. Why hadn’t Viper just told her?

A single clap rang out, and Julie looked up to see Viper sitting smug at their table, looking over at - Julia turned her head - a speechless Helice behind her. Had- Had Viper gotten any affini to look this over? You didn’t need much oversight but you still needed at least one signature to rent out this much theater space for auditions. What plant in their right mind would-

“I think we have our Eliza, don’t we Belle?” Belle? Who was Belle, what was Viper talking- Viper was looking out past the curtain, which Julie now realized wasn’t fully closed. There was a sliver of visibility going from where she stood, out to one of the higher boxes. Twin pinpricks of white light stared back at her from within the darkness, like the shine of moonlight on pitch-black water. Luminous, but only barely so.

“Maybe.”

The words cut through the silence of the theatre, carried to the stage even though that was the opposite of how the acoustics were supposed to work. Those white lights vanished, reappearing with a start much closer to the stage - much closer to Julie, suddenly in place on the face of eight-feet of dark blue plant matter. The affini effortlessly stepped up onto the stage, its form completely unadorned aside from the “eyes.” Against the stagelight Julie could make out its sillhouette - beautiful curves that went on for ever and and and-

“Finish the scene.”

Julie looked down at the page, but the next line wasn’t for her- she bit her lip, before looking back up into those eyes that seemed to go all the way through her. Fuck, she was shaking how was she shaking this wasn’t any scarier than- Helice had wanted to domesticate her and Julie hadn’t felt anywhere near this much-

“I will read my part. Are you ready?”

This affini was an actress? Julie couldn’t process the implications of that, just nodded her head and let out a soft yes that sounded more like a whimper than she would like.

(There’s a silence as ELIZA finishes speaking and realizes what she’s said. It stretches on, longer and longer until-)

ARONIA

Those are some quite interesting thoughts you have there. One might call them provocative. Maybe even feral.

ELIZA (frantic)

No no no! I didn’t mean- I’m happy to- I’m doing just fine, I swear!

ARONIA

Really petal? Because it sounded to me like you’re struggling. All alone, running a shop in a strange place you don’t understand.

(One of ARONIA’s vines curls up and around ELIZA)

Eliza could feel the soft caress of the vine touching her cheek, even as it coiled around her body. Squeezing her. Binding her. Trapping her. Still, she read on.

ELIZA (angry again)

Then why don’t you help? You just collar any human who stumbles, instead of showing them how to do better! How to make it all work as an Independent.

Was this affini going to collar her?

ARONIA (still calm and dangerous, but with a hint of interest)

Would you like that? If an Affini showed you how to behave? Is that what you want?

No. Well-

ELIZA (trembling)

Well- well-

(A ping sounds off of ARONIA’s core, and SHE withdraws a tablet, which SHE looks at before scowling)

ARONIA

Saved by the bell, dear floret-to-be. I have urgent business to attend to, and cannot slake my whims at this time. Farewell.

(ARONIA releases ELIZA, who falls to her knees. SHE exits UL. ELIZA is left kneeling on the stage, staring off into the distance)

ELIZA (distant, dreamily, before trailing off)

What I want…

Juile felt a pair of hands pulling her to her feet, as Viper looked her over and slapped her on the back, knocking her out of her reverie.

“Looks like we have our star then! I’ve never seen Belle take to someone quite like that, ” the director spoke.

“Who- Who was she?” Julie felt high. She didn’t think she’d been given any xenodrugs she knew what those felt like this was different this was like a thousand different pins and needles all over her body spreading out and over and in.

“She’s your new co-star. For the play, silly.” Right. The play.

“What play?” Viper had never said the name but Julie felt like it was on the tip of her tongue…

“My Fair Lady.”

Notes:

First chapter! This is my first time writing for Human Domestication Guide, so I'm very excited. I've had this idea banging around my head for a little bit, since I generally find adaptation as a process very interesting and thought the idea of "floret cuts" was something I'd love to explore further. I also thought My Fair Lady/that general sort of transformation story mapped well to lots of typical HDG. So we've ended up with this - a parallel telling of Julie the actress and the play she'll star in.
Special thanks to Ruth, my beta.