Chapter Text
Frank was supposed to be a ghost. To disappear, to vanish with no one missing him, no one looking for him, forgetting him even as he lives and breathes. No one was supposed to remember him, no one was supposed to find him after he left the Pitt a month and a half after returning to it. Al-Hashimi was more than willing to help Frank transfer from the Pitt, with a grateful look on her face and her shoulders releasing the tension she always carried around him.
Frank didn’t bother to say goodbye to any of them, sending Dana flowers and Shen a Dunkin’ the day after he left, but that was it. He couldn’t stay there, living on edge until Robby got back, couldn’t continue to stand upright under the pressure of it all.
Robby wasn’t sure he wanted Frank in his ED, and Frank, for once, decided to take the burden off the older man’s shoulders and make that choice for him.
He didn’t look back.
The move was hard, walking into a new ED with their own dynamics, their own flow. He didn’t hide anything and slowly settled in. His new Department Chief and attending was a huge man, weathered and dry, who had clearly lived through some shit, had seen some shit, and Frank quickly realised, did some shit. Still, Luka was a solid guy with a twisted sense of humour who accepted Frank’s faults and mistakes with a shrug.
“What is the saying, to fuck up is to human?”
Frank still remembers his shock at the older man’s words when he asked Frank to tell him about what led up to his transferring to the Pitt, sitting there, large and silently intimidating as Frank told him everything. Everything. His nails were absently scratching at his soul mark as he did, not noticing until Luka muttered something in Croatian and told him he was going to bleed.
He didn’t tell Frank to stop scratching, just that he was going to bleed.
Frank followed Luka everywhere, taking everything the man had to give him. Not in the same way as Robby, never in the same way he had with Robby, but because Luka understood a part of Frank that no one ever had. He took all that energy, the unchecked ADD, and the insatiable need to be useful and learn and set it loose, praising Frank and correcting him when needed, with a roll of his eyes or muttering in Croatian, making the senior resident look up what Luka had said.
Luka didn’t say anything as Frank finished his residency, not making a big deal of it other than a simple “congratulations on not dying.” Frank never thought about returning to the Pitt, and neither man was surprised when Frank applied for the only attending position they had available at the county hospital. Luka was officially welcomed him with an extra shift and a burger, and Frank told him to fuck off when he realised the burger was cold.
They worked well together, worked in a way he had never worked with Robby. There were no wordless conversations and silent workarounds, but it was dangerously close, the pair reading each other with familiarity.
Frank thought about the Pitt less and less, about Robby less and less.
“Hey, old man.”
“You do know I’m only like fourteen years older, don’t you?”
“ Fourteen years older and you look like that? Rough man, rough.”
“Fuck off,” Frank rolled his eyes at Joe’s greeting, Luka’s son in town visiting, an odd friendship forming between Frank and Joe, the younger man and Luka’s clone taking one look at Frank and smirking when they first met.
“So you’re the guy my dad bitches about.”
“Luka’s busy,” Frank informed him, moving around the hub desk, the pair sharing a fist bump, before Joe flung a friendly arm around his shoulder. Joe had also inherited Luka’s height.
“Great, actually here to see you. Need a favour.”
“No.” Frank doesn’t dislodge Joe’s arm, knowing there was no point. He learned very early on that Joe, once he had consent, was a very tactile individual, everything about him reminding Frank more and more of his own kid.
“Pretty please?”
He turned only to be greeted by Joe’s warm brown eyes, fully giving Frank puppy dog eyes, the kid all but sticking out his bottom lip while his dark hair flopped in his face. “You know I have a two-year-old, I’m immune.”
“No your not.” Luka corrected, walking over to the hub, picking up an iPad, and walking away again towards a patient's room. “Josip, ask and get out, stop distracting Langdon.”
Frank and Joe look at each other at Luka’s dry and blunt parting words.
“Your relationship is truly touching.” Frank quipped.
“I was very loved as a child,” Joe responds equally dryly, his face completely devoid of emotion. Frank knows how much that statement is true; there was no mistaking how much Luka loved Joe and Joe loved Luka.
“Need a favour, Frank.”
“Fine, what is it?”
“You worked at the PTMC, right?”
Frank stilled, “Yeah…”
Joe nodded, his expression turning serious. “I haven’t told my parents yet, but I’m planning on going to med school-”
Frank forced himself to just listen. “Alright….”
“I would be doing my residency at the PTMC, and I remembered dad said you worked there…I need your help preparing for my residency interview when it’s time.”
Frank could only blink at Joe, the kid still two years away from graduating with his bachelors. “Yeah, of course.” He nods, “If you still want my help when it’s time, and you know it depends on what you get matched with, right?”
“I’m going for emergency medicine.” Joe shrugged, looking sheepish, and Frank suddenly felt old despite being in his mid-thirties.
Fank’s response is slower this time, the confidence in Joe’s voice unshakable. “Okay…well, when it’s time, I’ll of course help you, Joe.”
Joe beams at him. “I don’t care what my dad says, you’re not the worst.”
“His sentiment is overwhelming.” Frank agrees, cracking a smile, and Joe’s arm is once again around Frank.
“Yeah, I heard what happened with Lil’ Bit.”
Joe snorted. Frank’s daughter had been brought into the ER with a high fever by Frank’s neighbour and occasional babysitter, with a high fever that turned out to be a case of roseola. Luka had taken one look at Frank’s daughter and promptly took over, going completely soft when he thought no one was looking.
“I treated her like I do all my other patients,” Luka informs them, with amusement on his face as he walks up to them. All three of them know it’s a lie. Frank and Luka might not have a deep relationship, but Frank knows Luka adores Lilah. He adores all babies.
“I thought I told you to get out.”
“Eh, distracting Frank is way more fun. Mom wants you to call her tonight. She’s going to let you know that Garret proposed.”
“Of course he did,” Luka grumbled. “Fine, I will act surprised.”
“Good,” Joe smiled, sharp and terrifying, and Frank found himself fully amused. “Oh, and she’s in town next weekend, she will try to meet Frank.”
“Me?”
Frank is truly confused now, “What did I do?” Why?”
“I don’t talk about you.” Luka sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I do, but not enough for anyone to meet you.”
Frank believes that. Luka can be very tight-lipped when he wants.
“Oh, yeah, that might be my fault.” Frank watches Joe rub the back of his neck, with a sheepish expression and for a minute Frank isn’t seeing Joe, but Robby. Hearing Robby.
He snaps himself out of it, hard.
“There’s a doctor who works at the PTMC, apparently, and they’ve been trading notes or whatever, since some kind of medical conference, and you got brought up, and mom remembered me mentioning you once or twice and how you give dad a run for his money.”
Luka snorts but remains silent.
“Long story short, this is the third time she’s heard someone mention your name and wants to meet you when she’s in town.”
Frank starts to feel very nauseous. “Do you know the Doctor’s name?”
He prays, he prays its Al-Hashimi, prays its Abbot, Shen, anyone else, anyone but him.
“Uh…” Joe thinks back. “A Doctor Robinavitch? Whoever that is.”
Frank knew God would have never shown him that much mercy.
Dennis was waiting for him when Robby walked through the door, the townhouse warm and welcoming, small brightly colored children's shoes mixed with Dennis and Robby’s adult ones, and signs of a well-lived-in life littered every space of the home.
Dennis was sitting at the coffee table, textbooks in front of him, showered and already in pyjamas when Robby found him, his soul mate looking up with a smile that turned into a concerned frown when he saw Robby’s face.
“What happened?”
The words are stuck in Robby’s throat for a moment. “I found Frank.”
He watched as Dennis’ eyebrows furrowed further before smoothing out in shock and surprise. “Frank Langdon? Our Frank?”
Robby feels like he could collapse under the weight of heady relief mixed with heavy guilt and all-encompassing grief. He sinks to the sofa, and Dennis is next to him in an instant. He was already broken and close to the edge when Dennis started becoming part of his life in the ten months Frank was gone, the connection undeniable but not talked about. They danced around it for each other, until it became too much, their life happening slowly and without resistance, their family growing organically in the last four years.
It was a good life, everything Robby wanted, everything they both needed. It was enough, it should have been enough.
Robby didn’t realise what Frank was until it was too late. The numbing, gnawing emptiness that was lodged deep in Robby’s chest never loosened. He had been able to ignore it for years, not realising that seeing Frank every day was what was filling it, until PittFest happened and Robby threw him out.
He felt like he was dying, being carved out and left bleeding those ten months in his absence, confusing the pain with his ever-growing fury at Frank using drugs, at his stealing, at his betrayal. Dennis had been a cool balm, and it did not take long for the pair to realise what they were. It wasn’t an instant relationship, not in the way movies made it seem; they both wanted something real.
They talked and talked, getting to know each other before getting together, and Robby got used to feeling like part of him was dying. Frank’s last day that Robby talked to him, saw him, and worked with him was a disaster. Yes, Robby was still furious about what Frank had done, but now he was more angry with himself.
Until he saw Frank again, until he could finally breathe, until that sensation vanished so suddenly it made Robby feel like he was going to throw up, and then Robby hated Frank.
He didn’t say a word to Dennis about it as Robby left for his sabbatical. It was unfortunate when one soul had two mates that were tied together by one person but not to the other, and Robby decided in those hard three months that he once again would push Frank away, shut him off. He would get used to the feeling of pain and emptiness.
There was no choice. It was Dennis.
Robby got used to living with the feeling of constant guilt. He got back to the Pitt, and Frank wasn’t there. Frank would never be there again, and a new pain ripped through Robby, sharper, hotter, deep enough where Dennis’ love couldn’t reach.
“I know.”
Robby stills under Dennis’ kiss to his bare chest, the pair lying tired and spent, still naked.
“I feel it too. Frank. The pain, the absence. Not as deeply as you, I barely know him, but I feel it, and it hurts.”
Robby stops breathing. It never occurred to him that Frank could be Dennis’ soul mate as well.
They don’t talk about it again until a year later, when Dennis is holding Theo, the pair is the emergency kinship foster, and planning Amy’s funeral, a blood clot ending her life too young. They were tired and overwhelmed and never once talked about children, but Robby and Dennis knew this was something they had to do; they knew how the system could be, and Amy really had become like family to Dennis.
“Is it possible to miss someone you don’t know, so bad it feels like it’s carved into your bones?”
Robby looks up from where he’s holding a now sleeping Theo to be greeted by Dennis’ large blue eyes, red with tears, and his smaller frame curled into himself where he sat on the sofa, wearing Frank’s old hoodie he found in the back of Robby’s closet. A hoodie Robbie forgot he had.
They don’t need to bring him up by name.
“I want him here.” It's a small confession. “I want to fight with him and laugh with him. I want to hear his voice and know what he feels like. I want to see him over my coffee and know what it’s like to go to sleep next to him. I love you, I love you, but I want to know, Robby.”
It's what finally breaks Robby. “I do too.”
Dennis straightens then, eyes filling with determination. “Then what are we going to do about it?”
It becomes a bigger conversation, the pair deciding to wait until Dennis is done with his residency to fully find out where Frank is and bring him home, to pursue this with everything they have, no matter how bad a state they find Frank in. The only thing they know is he’s alive; they would have felt it if he wasn’t, no matter how far he was from them.
They say it’s unmistakable, the sensation of a soulmate passing. It’s a small bitter comfort.
“Well?”
“He’s at County Hospital.”
Dennis is pushing off Robby’s chest, where he was lying against it, a mix of fear and apprehension. “County?”
Dennis shared Robby’s concern and distaste about St. Luke’s, having heard the rumours, its reputation for swallowing doctors whole and spitting them out, for being horribly underfunded, and understaffed, constantly under threat of being shut down due to lack of money.
A dark twisted part of Dennis hoped Frank was a patient there so they could find a way to transfer him to the PTMC and under their care. They had both dreamed about Frank more than they would admit, dreamt he was part of their lives, and in their bed, of seeing him play with Theo and then Oscar, when they originally took the baby John Doe for an emergency foster until they could get a foster family, then refusing to let him go.
Oscar, who is just over one year old and took to carrying Frank’s picture everywhere with him, one of the only pictures of Frank they had. They never hid the existence of Frank from their sons, making that call when Theo was three and caught Robby crying in his sleep when he had come to wake him up, Frank’s name on his lips.
They took careful care to tell them that Frank did something that wasn’t safe, and instead of helping, they were mean to Frank, and when they were able to, they were going to find Frank, apologise and bring him home.
Theo was too young to know about soul mates other than what was shown in his Disney movies, and Dennis wasn’t sure how to answer when Theo asked Dennis if Frank would love him too.
"I know he will.” Robby supplied with a certainty that made Dennis' chest tighten. “Frankie will love you and Oscar more than both Daddy and me combined.”
“How do you know?”
"Because we do.”
Frank had always loved kids and said more than once he couldn’t wait to be a parent. It was only later that Robby would realise he never once said father.
“Michael.”
Dennis’ use of his first name brings Robby back to the present, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Why is Frank at County?”
“He’s an attending there.”
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, Frank, now an attending at any other hospital but his, putting his skills to use where Robby can’t see.
Dennis lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck.” Robby feels it too; their worst fears have lessened. They agreed at the beginning of their relationship not to look Frank up, not to look at his socials, to let him go, and then the agreement was to let him go until they were in a solid enough place to bring him back.
The work they had done as a couple, as individuals, had been hard, was still hard, but both agreed they did not want to work on winning Frank back only for it all to fall apart.
They were in it for the rest of their lives
“I don’t want to wait until I finish my residency.”
Dennis is now back against Robby’s side, his laptop on his lap already pulling up Instagram and whatever else, searching for Frank, instead of his phone, so he knew Robby could see. Any other time, he would make a crack about his soul mate being old.
He was officially in the last year of his residency. “I know why we agreed to it, but we’ve lost so much time already, and I don’t want the boys to grow up without Fank any longer than they have.”
Robby has his glasses on, suddenly thrilled that he showered at the hospital instead of when he came home, changing out of his scrubs, both Dennis and Robby having strict rules about what comes into their house from the hospital now that they are parents.
“Works for me.” Robby agreed, settling in, “You know it won’t be easy, right, baby? We have a long way to go before we can bring him home. It’s been three years, nearly four. Three years of silence, three years of all of us moving on, what if he’s found someone, what if he finally has the life he wanted, the kids, the dogs, the partner Dennis?”
Robby underestimated how wrong a thing that was to say when Dennis pushes himself away from Robby, his blue eyes blazing with a terrifying and jealous heat, at the thought of their soulmate, a man he didn’t even know, with someone else. Living with someone else who could and would never be able to give him what they could.
What the universe declared only his soul mates could.
“If this is your way of backing out, Robby, then just fucking say it.”
“I’m not backing out of anything.” He snaps back, “I want this. I want us, but I know how bad you want this, and I don’t want you to go into this thinking Frank might just be waiting for us. We never talked about what would happen if he moved on.”
He watches as Dennis gives a sullen and stubborn pout, suddenly and painfully reminded of the age difference between them. “I don’t care.”
“You don’t care?”
Robby finds Dennis means it. “I do not care. If I have to break up his relationship with someone, if I have to destroy a marriage, I will. We can get him a fucking dog if that’s what he wants; the boys would love it, and if he has a child or children-”
Robby watches with fascination as Dennis takes a deep breath, his emotions flashing across his face as he does. Once again, he seems to settle on determination, “then we bring them home, where they belong, with their brothers, with us, where they can be loved and adored as they should be.”
Robby opens his mouth.
“Don’t tell me that’s not how that works, or this isn’t a healthy train of thought, Robinavitch. I’m aware of that, but it doesn’t change a single thing. I mean every word of it, no matter how toxic. In a perfect world, we would be together, we would have our children, might even have that stupid dog, but this isn’t a perfect world, and I’m not afraid of making a mess to get what we want.”
Robby pulls him into a kiss, “Thank you.” He breathes against his lips. “I had to check.”
“No, you didn’t.” Dennis bites back, kissing him back and biting his lip. You really didn’t.”
All of Frank’s accounts are private, something that irritates Dennis to no end, and Robby ends up shutting things down before Dennis can start to spiral, silently relieved that he was putting off his own spiral, not sure if he could handle whatever they found out tonight about the dark-haired, blue-eyed, smart and clever man.
He remembered how Frank looked, but was starting to forget what he sounded like, how warm he was when Robby touched him. It made a part of Robby panic at the loss. He explained later that night, after he had eaten and they were both in bed together, Robby just holding Dennis in the dark, how he had found out through Abby Kovač, the addiction specialist, recognising Frank’s name, and how she was coming into town.
The plan to invite Abby and whoever else to dinner was born from there, and Abby seemed delighted at the idea, which is how Robby found himself standing in the chaos of St Luke’s County Hospital, Abby by his side, meeting the man who was now Frank’s mentor.
“Doctor Robinavitch-”
There was something about the ease with which Luka Kovač said Robby’s name, as if he knew exactly who Robby was, that prickled in irritation under Robby’s skin. “Of course, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you as well, Doctor Kovač.”
“Luka, please. I assume Abby dragged you here, unless you are here out of professional interest, and then I apologise, and we can go talk somewhere quieter.”
Robby smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Dennis called it his handsome social smile. “I assure you, completely personal.”
He didn’t miss the way Luka’s eyes flashed with something that looked oddly like a challenge.
“It’s my fault.” Abby stepped in unrepentant. “He was picking me up from the airport, and I wanted to stop and say hi before you find an excuse to avoid me.”
Luka narrowed his eyes at Abby’s teasing. “I do not avoid you, Abigail. I just work around you.”
“I know. By the way, you’re coming to dinner tomorrow night. Nope, you owe me, you can’t get out of it.”
“My husband’s idea.” Robby sounded sheepish and did not mean a word of it.
“Oh, and you can invite Frank. I’ve heard a lot about him from Joe, and I can’t wait to meet him.”
“No.” Luka dismissed.
“Invite me where?”
Robby knew there was no preparing to physically see Frank again, to be close enough he could reach out and touch if he wanted to, there would be no way to brace for hearing his voice after years, but Robby had no knowledge of how unprepared he was.
He couldn’t breathe, all the oxygen being pulled from his body, robbing him of the ability, and the ringing in his ears blocked out the world, a burning, tingling sensation filling his body, the constant pressure on the constantly bleeding ache of Frank’s absence suddenly lifting. He could only watch helplessly as Frank’s eyes widened with shock and surprise before shifting into a guarded, weary expression.
Robby knew Frank felt it too.
He would always be furious at himself for not putting the pieces together sooner, for not finding out how much Frank knew or when he realised. For pushing the younger man away before he had a chance to learn.
“Um, excuse me, I can come back-”
Robby continued to watch as Frank started to turn away, only to see Luka’s wry smile at Abby, and reach out, one of his large hands landing on Frank’s shoulder, without Luka looking, his hand finding its aim with practised ease, stopping Frank in his tracks.
“U dobru i zlu.”
“Ne.”
“Uh-huh,” Luka commanded, his wry smile now directed at Frank, who was facing him and not Robby. Jealousy not at the fact Luka was touching Frank, but the complete naturalness of their interaction, the ease with which they moved, was cold and bitter.
“Come on, kid, I suffer, you suffer.”
“I do not get paid enough for this old man.”
“You barely get paid at all.” Luka reasoned. “Frank, meet my ex-wife, Abby.”
Robby still felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, desperately wanting Frank to look at him, needing Frank to look at him and scared of what he would feel if he did.
“Uh, nice to meet you.” Frank gave her a brief smile and held out his hand, and Abby shook it.
“Nice to meet you too. Not often does someone get the praise of both my son and my ex. You’ll have to tell me your secret.”
Robby didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know the secret, didn’t want to know what kind of praise, but he had to. He had to know everything about this man who looked at Robby like he was a stranger.
“I do not praise him.”
“Luka, you told me three weeks ago that Frank was born for County Emergency Medicine.”
Years ago, that would have made Frank blush, being told he was made for something, that someone thought he was worthy, and Robby braced himself for the sight, but the blush didn’t come.
“Yeah, I’m warning you now, I’m not letting this go.”
He’s unrepentant under Luka’s sharp look, smirking in a way that brought Robby straight back. He cleared his throat. It was a vain and selfish attempt to get Frank’s attention. It worked until it didn’t, Frank meeting his eye and then moving so he was looking over Robby’s shoulder.
“Doctor Robinavitch.”
“Frank.”