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Rei stares at himself in the mirror, a half-crazed expression staring back at him, but it isn't his face he sees. Narrow, shadowed eyes and a sharp nose, a whole cheek marred by a giant scar – the mask is jarring, but perfect, at least as far as Vermouth believes. "If Akai did survive that fire," she decided, "he would be scarred from it."
That's assuming, of course, that Akai was ever in the fire, and Rei has his doubts about that. But he didn't bother voicing those to Vermouth; the less she knew of his investigation, the better. He needed her for her skills, but doesn't want her meddling otherwise, now that her part is done.
He reaches up with one hand to run his fingers carefully over the bumps and lines of the mask's scar. His stomach churns with nausea, knees buckling a little, and he uses his free hand to grip the side of the sink and stabilize himself. "I'll find you, Akai Shuuichi," he mutters to his reflection.
Hiro is on his way with a change of clothes. Rei could have gone back to his apartment to change, but he's felt weirdly unsettled since he left the department store; Hiro's presence always helps with that. So, instead, they're meeting at a safe house, where Hiro won't have to risk being seen by the wrong people.
But Rei absolutely does not want Hiro seeing him dressed as Akai. He'll see the mask anyway, and he'll put the pieces together, but there's something wholly different about Hiro seeing him like this, when he knows Hiro already thinks he's spiraling. He sets to removing the disguise quickly, but carefully, in case he needs to use the mask again later. He doesn't really intend to, having already tested both Starling and Camel, but it's better for him to be prepared, rather than having to ask Vermouth for help again.
With the hat, contact lenses, and mask set carefully aside, somehow his reflection is still nearly unrecognizable. It's him, that's undeniable, but the dullness to his eyes, and the bags forming underneath them betray just how exhausted he feels. He hasn't been sleeping well – though that's been true for a while, his sleep has grown even lighter since Akai's (fake) death – and the constant tug of Bourbon's work one day and Furuya's work the next has his head spinning and his sanity wearing thin. To add his own, personal investigation on top of that was… probably a mistake.
But it's fine. Rei is strong and can handle it. He likes the pressure, thrives in it. And if he tells himself that enough times, maybe it'll start to feel real.
He needs a break before he really does snap, but that doesn't look like it'll be happening anytime soon. Failing that, he needs his contingency plan: some uninterrupted time with his best friend.
Hiro will absolutely judge him for his choices, and will call his sanity into question, but at least that's the worst he can expect.
As though Rei's thoughts have brought him into existence, the faint noise of a key in the front door's lock reaches Rei's ears, followed shortly by the opening and subsequent closing of the door. He leaves the bathroom in time to see Hiro setting a duffel bag on the floor of the main room.
"Thanks," Rei says, some of his tension leaving immediately.
Hiro narrows his eyes, studying Rei's face like he's searching for something specific. "You look like hell. What happened?"
Rei sighs and grabs the bag's strap, pulling it over his shoulder. "Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Go shower and get changed; we'll talk after." Despite the dismissal, Hiro's lips are pursed in a frown, meaning this isn't a conversation Rei will get out of easily. But at least he can put it off for a little longer.
His shower doesn't turn out to help much in the way of relaxing him; the water decides not to warm up, leaving him shivering by the time he's drying off, but at least the last remnants of the makeup from his disguise are gone now, and he feels cleaner.
He finds Hiro on the worn, old couch, holding his mask, when he emerges from his shower, and his stomach drops. Knowing it was coming did nothing to prepare Rei for this conversation.
"What's this?" Hiro asks, looking at up from the mask to Rei.
Rei sighs, dropping the duffel bag beside the couch once more. "Exactly what it looks like. A mask."
"Akai's face?" Hiro questions, a hard edge to his tone. "Because that's what it looks like." When Rei doesn't answer – enough of an answer in itself – he continues, displeased. "I recognize Vermouth's handiwork. Tell me this was her idea and not yours."
"I had to test the FBI agents," Rei answers and shrugs, hoping that if he acts like it isn't a big deal, Hiro will calm down. It has the opposite effect.
"So you ran around wearing a dead man's face?! Have you lost your mind? Did anyone else see you? Does Gin know about this?"
"It's fine, Hiro."
Hiro drops the mask on the couch next to him and stands, eyes wide and horrified. "It's not fine, Zero. Nothing about this is fine. You've been erratic for weeks. I keep thinking I should talk to your supervisor and get you pulled from your assignment, and now all you can say to me is it's fine!"
Shock stops Rei in his tracks, and his frustration grows. "You wouldn't."
"I don't know how else to help you! I know you're hurting, but you won't talk to me about anything, and now you're involving Vermouth in your plans. You're putting yourself at risk! Do you not see how worried I am about you?"
Stalking cross the room to put some space between himself and Hiro, Rei scoffs. "If you really want to help me, trying believing me, for once! You'd rather sabotage our entire mission than admit that I might be right about Akai."
Hiro's expression changes from worry to regret, and the next thing Rei knows, he's being pulled into his arms. "I want you to be right," he insists, squeezing tight. "You have no idea how badly I want you to be right. But, more than that, I want you to be okay, and you haven't been. It's like you can't even comprehend the possibility that he might really be dead, because knowing that would destroy you. I don't want that for you. I can't lose you, Zero."
Finally, when Rei doesn't respond – he doesn't know how to respond – Hiro sighs and relents. "How about this? From now on, I'll help you. Whatever you need, you come to me. Tell Vermouth you're convinced he's dead, or whatever you need to do to get her off your back. We'll find him together."
Tension seeps away from Rei's bones before he can grasp it, slipping away. Part of him doesn't want to give him; he knows Hiro means well, but it still hurts. Rei isn't crazy. He knows Akai is alive, knows he couldn't have just walked into Kir's trap blindly, but even Hiro doubts him.
"He better cherish you when we find him," Hiro grumbles, still not letting Rei go. As low as the words come out, Rei's not even sure if he was supposed to hear that, but with how close they still are, it's impossible not to. "If he saw how much effort you're putting into this investigation…"
Rei snorts, but doesn't quite have the heart to remind Hiro that there was never anything going on between himself and Akai. Hiro's had this idea about their relationship for years; convincing him otherwise now would be fairly impossible. Besides that, Akai probably doesn't even want them to find him – as far as Akai knows, Bourbon is loyal to the Organization.
Still, a thought strikes him – a familiar feeling he'd had back in the department store. "I think he might have." Admittedly, even if his theory is correct, Akai may not know it's him.
"What do you mean?" Hiro asks, finally pulling back a little to look at him.
Clicking his tongue in thought, Rei says, "I think he was there today."
"You saw him?"
Rei shakes his head and steps away to go sit down, now that he's not quite so heated. The couch really isn't all that comfortable, but at least it gives him a chance to try to relax. "I didn't see him," he answers, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. "It's like… I could feel him watching me. I know that sounds crazy, but I swear it was him. And every time I tried to find him, he'd slip away."
Hiro seems to find his story rather dubious, if the raised eyebrow is anything to go by. Understandable, really; Rei's not sure he would believe it either, if he hadn't lived it. "I'm not going to get into the fact that you feel like you could recognize that it was him watching you – with how often he did that before, I wouldn't be surprised – but the part that I find hard to swallow is this: why would he have been in the same department store as you today? Isn't that a little too much of a coincidence?"
It's only then that Rei realizes what he's walked himself into. Up until this moment, he could've let Hiro believe that today was the only time he's dressed as Akai. Trying to continue that lie now will only trigger Hiro's suspicions, and, honestly, he's tired of keeping secrets from Hiro. They got through the worst of it, didn't they? Hiro might be angry, but they can get past this. Still, the first thing he finds himself saying is, "Don't be mad."
Hiro sighs. "When you say things like that, it only makes me worry more. What did you do?"
"Nothing!" Rei insists defensively, then immediately backtracks. "Well, nothing that you don't already know about, technically. It's just that… today wasn't the only time I've worn that mask."
Hiro's eyes grow wide, incredulous, but he takes a moment to breathe before reacting in anger, which Rei appreciates. Even once he speaks, it's only to ask, "When?"
"Remember the bank robbery a few weeks ago? I was there. With Agent Starling." When he thinks back on that day, Rei doesn't feel even the slightest bit of remorse about it. He's gone in with a task, and he accomplished it, but, more importantly, if he hadn't been there, that little boy…
Best not to think about what ifs.
"You–" Hiro starts, then breaks off with another deep sigh. "You were testing his ex-girlfriend first."
"I thought if anyone would know he's alive, it's her. But she seemed completely shocked to see him. She has no idea."
"And what does this have to do with today?" Hiro asks, rubbing his temples. "Why do you think Akai would've been at that store today specifically?"
This gives Rei a chance to launch into one of his many theories about the circumstances surrounding Akai's faked death plot. His heart pounds from excitement; perhaps he really has missed being a detective. "Based on what I know now, if anyone among the FBI hanging around Japan knows Akai is alive, it's likely only his direct supervisor," he begins.
"James Black?"
"Yes." He pauses to reach for the hat he'd laid aside with the mask. "I wore this that day at the bank, too. Since it has a distinct logo, I'm not surprised that Agent Starling remembered it. She used it to track down where I bought it, which is that department store we were in today. Most likely, she told Agent Black what happened, and about her investigation. And if he knows, then I'm sure he would've passed the information onto Akai that someone was wearing his face.
"And you and I both know that Akai wouldn't have been able to let that go without looking into it himself. So if he finds out his colleagues are going to that department store today to investigate, then he may suspect I'd show up today, too, and want to see for himself."
Hiro falls silent for several moments after that explanation, the air around him fraught with what can only be described as pure exasperation. Finally, he simply says, "I hate that that makes sense."
Rei, not the least bit bothered by his attitude, grins and shrugs. "You know I could be right about this."
Though there is likely a lot Hiro wants to say, he swallows all of his questions and settles on, "Alright, so you've figured out that only his supervisor might know. What's next? Have you managed to find proof he's alive? Something more tangible than your unwavering faith in his competence, I mean."
Rei elbows him for that comment, but doesn't react to it otherwise. "I'm not sure what comes next, yet. I guess I need to get my hands on the Raiha Pass files, see what the initial investigation found, then figure out where to go from there. I'll probably also need to look into any missing persons that might fit the limited physical description we have, and the time-frame. It might be time for Bourbon to return to his day job."
Hiro nods, sitting next to him, straight-backed, and the air shifts. "I can put in a request for the files, and look into the the missing persons reports for you. You just focus on keeping your head down and getting Vermouth off your back for now. I'll keep you updated if I figure anything out."
Rei studies Hiro, searching his face for any remaining traces of annoyance or anger. It's not that he doesn't trust him – Hiro has said he'll do something, so he'll do it; no chance he'd lie to Rei – Rei just wants to be sure that they're okay now. Biting the bullet and swallowing his pride, he says, "I'm sorry I worried you. I know I've been off lately, I just…"
Hiro sags, deflating. "It's okay, Zero. I get it. I'm sorry I yelled at you." Then, with the tensions cleared away, Hiro must decide this is the perfect time to slip back into teasing, because the next words out of his mouth are, "It's difficult to be normal when someone you love dies. Or pretends to."
Although he probably should have seen that coming, Rei chokes, flustered. "Get a new joke, Hiro! You keep playing the same card."
"Not my fault you two have always been like… that. You make it too easy." Hiro stands again, nudging Rei as he does so. "Get some rest, you really do look like hell."
"I don't love him," Rei replies, ignoring the other jab.
Hiro stares him down, eyebrows raised, unconvinced. "Sure, Zero. If you say so. You've been acting like his grieving widow because you don't love him."
Rei rolls his eyes. "I don't know why you're so convinced that your version of the story is right, but I'm telling you I'm not in love with him. I'd think I would know how I feel."
"And I think you would do anything to convince yourself that your feelings haven't compromised you, even if it means being in denial." He pauses for a second, then lands the death blow. "Either that, or you're afraid of getting hurt."
Rearing back against the couch cushions as if he's been slapped across the face, Rei sits there, stunned, processing the accusation. He doesn't speak; it's almost like all of his words have left him. For so long he's known he doesn't have feelings for Akai – right? He would know. He would–
–never accept them. Because Hiro's right: feelings are a liability in their line of work, and, besides, Akai has only been with women, as far as Rei knows. Any feelings he might have ever had have been doomed from the start. So he's been telling himself there was never anything there. That he doesn't feel anything for Akai, never felt anything for Rye.
But was that ever the truth?
Hiro knows him better than anyone else in the world, better than even Rei knows himself sometimes. And if Hiro believes that Rei is in love with Akai, does that mean it's true?
Rei's never been in love before. He barely even had crushes, growing up. He dated a little bit in university, before deciding it was too much work, too much emotional investment that he just couldn't bring himself to feel. But he also knows that he's never felt like this about someone else before.
Earlier, Hiro said that Rei thinking Akai might actually be dead would destroy him, so Rei takes a second to ponder that. How would he feel, if he didn't believe Akai to have faked his death?
An ugly, aching pit forms in his belly, tearing at him with poisonous claws. He remembers the shock of hearing the news, how he'd immediately retreated into his own brain, how he barely even noticed anyone else around him. The denial had come swiftly, easily, and then he tried to rationalize it, to convince himself that he must be right.
He still believes he's right about his theory. But, looking at his initial reaction again, in this new light, he can see how Hiro must have taken that.
Rei can't say for sure that what he feels about Akai is love, but this has given him something to consider. "I don't know," he says finally, then repeats it, softer. "I don't know."
"Okay," Hiro replies, matching his volume. Gentle, familiar. "You don't have to have all the answers right now. Give it time. It's a good sign that you're not still denying it outright. Rest; I'll scrounge up something for dinner."
Unable to find it in himself to argue, Rei just nods and closes his eyes, his mind still racing.