Chapter Text
Since you could remember people would always tell you, it gets better.
In elementary when you realized all your friends were bullies, you were told in middle school it would be better, in middle school the same thing again, and in high school it seemed that when you got to college you'd finally find your crowd.
Unfortunately it just doesn't work like that.
When you're under socialized, incapable of understanding social cues, and have a crippling fear of being taken advantage of or being made fun of, people look at you weird no matter what you do. No matter how hard you try to break out of your mold, every time you think you found someone they eventually reinforce all your fears.
When you started college it didn't take long for you to realize that you were destined to a life of isolation, you had come to terms with it, learned to deal with it, the people in your family stopped caring years ago, complimenting your supposed independence.
One thing you liked about college is that even when you had group projects, most of your professors had gladly allowed you to work alone, so long as you produced good results, which you usually did.
That was until the third year of taking professor nanami's class. He had talked with you at the start of the semester, said that if you continued to work alone he'd start penalizing you, so every time a group project was announced you sat paralyzed at your seat while everyone else picked their groups. You understood why your professor was doing that, but you couldn't help but feel so small again.
Then one day, a guy from your class cornered you.
"You're doing the group project with me" he stated.
You hadn't seen him coming, it startled you, out of everyone did it have to be him? Did it have to be Sukuna?
"What are you-" you tried to move, his hands gripped your wrist, not harsh, but firm enough.
"I've watched you for 3 years look lost as a puppy in every class, from this day on you'll work with me" his eyes were boring down you, it felt as if he was burning holes on your head.
You just wanted to go home. The idea of someone watching how pathetic you looked for years just made it all worse. Sukuna wasn't particularly known for being a kind person, he wasn't known very personally by anyone really, at least from what you've observed.
It is a little hypocritical to watch everyone and be annoyed when someone does the same back you suppose.
"F-fine whatever" you stammer "Can you let my wrist go now... Please?" your face turned away, it doesn't seem like he heard your plea as he started dragging you around.
Your mind racing with the worst as he dragged you through the many corridors of your university, you saw his phone on his other hand, he was texting someone, you cursed yourself.
He finally lets you go as you reached a table at the corner of the library, there Uraume was waiting, Sukuna's roommate.
Sukuna presented you to Uraume after she had greeted each other, and so the planning started. While you tried to help, to participate, it felt like you fell onto your usual place, Sukuna and Uraume started talking, making jokes, while you sat across from her. When you tried to speak, the words seemed to clog up on your throat, you felt to silly, you're too old to be acting like this.
At some point you realized you had been floating somewhere else as the hours passed by, when you came back Uraume was already gone.
"Come I'll give ya a lift" you wanted to refuse it, but it was already so dark.
You walked with him towards his car, the uni was oddly empty, you weren't used to staying out after your classes had ended. Somehow, you didn't feel so anxious at this moment. Somehow you manage to struck conversation with him, it's nice even, just casual conversation about your classes.
"What do you do then since you're not really the social type" he questions.
"I draw I guess... I like gaming too, movies, the works" you admit.
"Favorite movie?"
You think for a minute, you just met him, can't say something too crazy "The labyrinth i guess, the one with bowie and the goblins" that should be safe enough.
"That's a nice one, I like Shrek."
"I guess it's kinda similar then, goblins, ogres, they're um both green" you mutter.
The car ride is mostly silent, just the radio and your leg bouncing up and down, until you both reach the front of your apartment complex.
"Nice place you got for yourself."
"Oh thanks, it's not mine though, a relative rent's it out for me."
He stops for a minute, you're not sure why, you move to get out of the car before he stops you.
"Why don't you try to come to this party later this week, it's my friends."
You stiffen at the mention, trying to find an excuse to not go. "...i don't have anything to wear" you force out a chuckle. All the alerts are sounding on your head, unsure of what he actually wants with you.
"I'll take you out to get something, how about tomorrow after class?" he offers, he seems honest but, why would someone you never talked with before offer something like that.
You leave the car without a word, your legs shaking, heart pounding, you're so pathetic. Reaching the front door you fumble trying to find your keys. Suddenly you feel someone behind you. You feel like prey.
"Hey" you feel his voice on your ears, you don't want to be scared, your legs feel like they are about to give out.
"Come on, did I do something wrong?" he pleas.
"I'm sorry" your shaky voice breathes.
"You don't have to go if you don't want" he pauses, you listen to small noises that escape his mouth while he seems to try and find the right words "I promise."
"I do but" your voice hitches, you take a deep breath in "It's just complicated"
You turn towards him, he takes your shaking hands on his, and you finally look at him in his eyes for the first time. He seems worried? You're unsure. You don't want to end up hurt. "Just think about it for tonight 'kay?" you nod, he lets your hands go and you finally find your keys.
"Goodnight Sukuna" you hurriedly whisper.
He's going to have his work cut out with her.
She was a weird little thing, he had expected her or well, assumed, she was stoic and overly confident and that was why she was so closed off from the rest of the people, however it seems he was completely misguided. That cold wall she had put up was a complete farce.
It made him curious, made her cuter even.
He had noticed her for a while, eventually he went around asking in casual conversations if anyone knew anything about her, most just assumed she was a stuck up know it all since she had great grades but was never in any social gathering even if it was organized by the uni.
He couldn't stop thinking about her the entirety of the car ride to his dorm, he was confused, angry even, what had she gone through to get to the point of shaking like a leaf with tears hanging from her eyes when someone invites her somewhere?
It had seemed Uraume noticed his worry once he got home.
"Thinking about her?"
"Yeah I guess" he muttered rummaging through his drawers to find his pajamas.
"Did it go well with her? You seem worried"
"That's the thing, I don't know! I invited her to Gojo's party and she was shaking like a leaf it looked like I had pointed a knife at her" he huffed siting on his mattress. "She said she'd think about it but I don't know man don't wanna force her to do something she don't want to".
"Guess the rumors were wrong then?" Uraume questioned. "She did seem pretty sad at the library"
"Whatever man I'm gonna shower."
Later that night when you were almost going to bed your phone lit up.
'added to group 'prof Nanami stuff'' -- Instagram
Sukuna had added you to it, he followed you apparently but there wasn't any notifications about that.
/ Ryo * kuna /
You - How did you get my user 23:56
Ryo * kuna - I've followed you for a year now 23:57
You - But i don't have my name on my profile how did u figure that out 23:57
Ryo * kuna - Secret 23:57
You rubbed your face, you're annoyed, what does he actually want with you.
Ryo * kuna - Goodnight doe 23:59
Doe
You're unsure if it's meant to be degrading or as a compliment, your cheeks heat up either way. You turn your phone off and doze off.
You woke up feeling completely refreshed, almost a whole new person. You feel determined to try and socialize today with Sukuna, and you decided that you will be going to your first party with him.
You're done being a cowardly cat.
That sentiment dies quickly when it's lunch time and you still haven't seen him around.
Maybe it's destiny, it's just no meant to be.
You still have a couple classes together, maybe he just had something to do in the morning and will come around in the afternoon. He wouldn't ditch you like this right? He didn't just ask to go out so you would get your hopes up and feel stupid right? He wouldn't be cruel like that, like them.
You don't want to text him, afraid your fears are right and he'll just send a screenshot of you being a "Desperate girl" to his friends to laugh it out.
Whatever you didn't even want to go anyway. You're fine as it is.
This ugly feeling kept bubbling inside you, a mix of anger, disappointment, and something else eating at you.
You keep telling yourself you're fine, even though your mind keeps drifting away from class and your handwriting is worse than ever. A buzzing noise at the back of your mind.
Once you're done for the day, you still haven't seen him. You knew this would happen you're so stupid. You walk your usual path out of the uni, making your way to the bus stop, headphones blasting music as usual.
Then you feel a hand upon your shoulder.
You take off your headphones and turn back to see him standing behind you, his car parked with its door hanging open.
"Where are you going?" he chuckles.
"I um... I thought you hadn't come, you didn't send me a message or anything" you mutter
"You're still up for it?"
"Sure"
you feel immediate regret as the words leave your mouth, his hand takes yours and he leads you to the passenger seat. He opens the door for you and closes it too. You wish you could just be normal about it. His words from last night echo in your mind, was he being honest or is it all a trap?
The car ride was mostly silent again, just the car radio playing, you were fiddling with your fingers, sometimes you'd let your eyes stay far too long on Sukuna. He looked good, you couldn't deny that.
"Like what you see sweetheart?" he played with a laugh.
Your face flushed immediately, you turned your face away "Sorry".
"Don't be" he said throwing you a smile.
The two of you arrived soon enough at the mall, Sukuna held your hand while you walked around making your way to the clothing stores. You realized a lot of people were staring at you, he squeezed your hand, a weird comfort spreading through you.
Once you got to the usual department store you shop at he stopped you. "Where are you going?" he questioned. You sheepishly pointed at the store in front of you. He stared at the store for a minute, unimpressed "Let me treat you will you? I had something else in mind", you were confused, is he going to pay? Why? You were far too deep.
You arrived in front of a fairly expensive store, you were kind of scared going in, not being used to being in an ambient like this. "Pick whatever you like okay?"
You moved through the racks, you picked out a few dresses paying maybe a little too much attention to the price tag than Sukuna wished you would. He also picked somethings but he didn't show you. You were very lucky that day, there was very few people at the mall, you still however found yourself absent-mindedly stroking your thumb on Sukuna's hand.
"I'm not sure if i picked anything decent" you breathe defeated "What do people even wear to stuff like this" you asked.
"Don't worry, why don't you try out what you picked?"
"Kay" you huffed.
In the changing room you started feeling pathetic again. Everything you picked seemed to look terrible on you. It didn't feel right. This wasn't you was it? It looked stupid. You heard Sukuna knock once "You okay in there?"
You were quick to brush away your frustration tears and clear your throat "Y-yeah 'm fine" your voice ended up coming more shaky than you thought it would.
You heard him take a deep breath, was he annoyed with you? Before you could think the words left your mouth "Please don't be mad at me"
You heard him mutter "Shit" under his breath, "Doe, would you let me in?"
You slowly opened the door of the changing room for him, he quickly entered and closed it behind you. "What happened doll" he asks.
Doll
You liked that, you're not sure if you should.
"I look dumb wearing these clothes." you mutter, tugging at the dress you're wearing.
He stared at you for a minute, taking your hands again, twisting you around so you'd face the mirror. He brought his body close to yours, his head falling on your shoulders. It felt softer then it should. "I think you look beautiful".
Your heart seemed to stop for a second. Why was he doing this? Your face flushed, you tried to hide it, his hand while holding yours came up to your chin, sternly making you look at yourself. He kissed your neck, sending shocks through your whole body "You're breathing hard... Did you like that?" you couldn't make yourself respond "Did you try what i picked for you?" you shake your head, you had saved it for last.
"Do you mind if i watch you change into it?"
Shit, you were panicking at this moment, you couldn't deny your unfortunate attraction but, what if, what if this was another trick? You've known him for what 20 hours? You're already taking your dress off anyway.
It might be the touch starvation, in any case it didn't take long for you to be stripped to your underwear while you picked up the ensemble he had chosen, a cute black mini skirt with a flowy burgundy halter top. The skirt barely covered your ass, the halter top however you had to tie it yourself, you tried to fumble with it, make a pretty bow, in the end Sukuna shooed your hands away.
You watched him in the mirror looking so focused as he tied a pretty bow on your neck. Once he was done, his hands brushed against your shoulders before falling to your hands again.
"You like it?" he softly whispers at your neck, you mindlessly nod, feeling ten times more comfortable and confident with yourself than before.
You feel dizzy after that, watching him pay, you're internally fighting not sure weather to fully give in or to run away, you really want this to be real, have you not spent time enough alone? Couldn't the universe bless you this once?
He held onto the bag the rest of the day, took you for coffee, payed for everything, shushed you when you opposed. It felt good. It shouldn't.
Back in the car you felt calm, didn't fiddle with your fingers, didn't twitch or shiver, you almost fell asleep a few times.
The car stops then, you realize you're home. "Hope i didn't scare you today" he said sincerely
You stare at him for a minute, slowly snapping out of your dizzied out state. Should you ask him? Should you just go? Interpret it yourself? But what if you're wrong? What if he just wants your body and nothing else?
Gradually you wilt like a flower, closing yourself back up. You decide then, you'll see how the party goes tomorrow, and determine from there what his intentions are.
"Will you pick me up tomorrow for thee um" you stutter, it still feels fairly unnatural to say such a thing, you scratch the side of your face trying to push off the anxiety "For the party?" you force out.
A coy smile appears on his face. "Don't even worry about it, have a goodnight".
You try to not overthink about the day, it's really hard, you try to distract yourself, think about how good you felt, how nice he made you feel, trying to reach that high again.
You get home and wash your hair, maybe you stay longer than you should under the shower trying to cool off, maybe you weren't only trying to distract yourself from overthinking.
One thing that you unfortunately had to learn young is that you are going to be treated badly no matter what, but if you're a little easier on the eyes people are not as harsh.
You don't have much style, but your face is pretty nice, hair however is the thing that can make or break someone. Every wash day for the past 7 years your revlon brush has been your best friend, people are just nicer when your hair is more doll like, even if you don't have too much makeup on, or if your clothes are very plain or not really in style.
You wonder sometimes if your odd fantasies of being a doll are something you truly want or something you had to accept and learned it's the only way you could live not fully rejected from society.
You're a freak anyway. You wonder if he would hate you if he knew how kinky your fantasies really are, or if he saw you without all the pampering you have to do to look presentable.
When Sukuna gets to the dorms, everyone can see he is shining like the sun, it's blinding really, it certainly will draw out some rumors.
Uraume is weirded out by it, just yesterday he was sulking about his little pet project being mentally ill, now he's beaming, but it's too early still, so noting crazy could have happened, right?
"What happened with you" he asked confused, sitting up on the bed.
"She's coming tomorrow, asked if i would pick her up"
Uraume is underwhelmed, he expected something far greater. Sukuna was a man capable of harboring a whole harem if he wanted, Uraume did not understand his fixation on this one average reject.
"What do you even see on her, I've never seen you this bright, did she do something or..?" he questioned.
"That's none of your business" he huffed "She's just interesting, feels like everyone knows the life of everyone on campus, she's... New" he claimed
"She is not new you've been obsessing for 3 years."
"Well who cares."
"If you get too excited people will talk, you're not exactly unknown ryo, don't forget that"
"You don't have to mother me you know"
"Just trying to help" he rolls his eyes before turning his back from Sukuna.
"It's gonna be fine, I'm gonna be with her the whole time, it's gonna be fun, and nothing bad is gonna happen, you're worrying too much about something you're not even involved" Sukuna grunted, why was Uraume being so negative.
"Tell yourself whatever you need to make yourself feel better" Uraume cackled.