Chapter Text
Luke had given Julie blanket permission to go through his songs, no longer feeling the need to hide after she’d been able to bring Unsaid Emily to his mother. He didn’t like looking through his old journals as much anymore, knowing that so many of those songs had already been taken from him by Bobby. So he left it to Julie to find the ones she liked of what remained his, and it’d led to several amazing performances since.
He just may have forgotten about that song book.
Julie didn't think anything of it at first, it looked just as worn down as the rest. The first page she opened to had a few scribbled out lines about blue eyes and soft smiles, immediately piquing her interest.
She’d since learned her lesson after mistaking Unsaid Emily for a love song, but as she flipped through the pages, these were undeniable. He’d since started writing a few for her as well, but said she couldn’t see them until he felt they were perfect. Countless cliche potential titles had been crossed out at the top of each new song she looked through now, leaving them essentially nameless. From what she could pick up through the lines of his messy handwriting, it was somewhat amusing to imagine Luke back in the 90s falling for some shy girl with blond hair and blue eyes. Maybe she was biased, but it didn’t seem his type at all.
The lyrics did allude to the secrecy of their relationship several times throughout as well. How her parents wouldn’t approve, like he could lose her if they found out. Julie wondered if they were against the fact Luke was in a band or if there was something else these songs didn’t tell her. They were unbearably sweet, though; she could imagine the way Luke must’ve been smiling with pride and affection as he scrawled each line. Julie already knew with his death and the lack of mention about leaving a partner behind that it didn’t work out, that they were happily together now, but she couldn’t help but get invested in this love story anyway;
They could take on anything together, no consequence was greater than what they felt for each other. Loving her was as easy as breathing, and every touch felt like the crescendo of a symphony, reaching new highs he hadn’t thought possible. He wrote of calloused hands and gentle comfort, her arms providing a new home for him when he ran away from his own. How his heart beat to the sound of her drums—
It clicked in Julie’s head just as she turned to another page with the bolded title of My Alex, underlined three times for emphasis. It was the only one to have kept a title. It made so much more sense, though she can’t help but be a bit surprised. Alex was her friend too, and yet she’d never noticed anything between them—had she missed it? The love that Luke poured out onto these pages made it seem far more than casual or a quickly passing fancy, and yet the band persisted. If they’d still been together when they died, surely Alex would’ve had something to say about when she and Luke got together, so that couldn’t have been the case.
Still, as she scanned the lines he’d clearly tried to write more neatly, he’d been planning a future for them. World tours where they’d get to be together, explore, making the most of their youth. Never having to worry about settling down because they’d be hand in hand, following their dreams. Finally finding the day that Alex no longer had to hide, where he could be his true self that Luke so adored. He longed for a time where he could hold the other on stage, cast aside all the judgement of the world, and make sure no one ever hurt his Alex again.
Julie held a hand to her chest, touched by it all. Some part of her wondered if she was supposed to be jealous, but her heart just ached for them instead. Turning to the next page, she found it blank, the song unfinished. She leafed through the next few empty pages until she found the next full one, in a much different state.
More lines were harshly scratched out, ink smudged, and discolored splotches where the paper had since dried from fallen tears. Without reading a word, Julie knew the outcome and she couldn’t bear to look. Closing the book before she could read any further, she hugged it to her chest, but she more so wanted to embrace the one who it belonged to.
Climbing down from the loft of the studio, she reached out to Luke with the tether that bound their souls together, the unseeable magic that brought him to her to begin with. He poofed in barely a second later, smile bright and eager to hear whatever she had to share.
The smile she offered in turn was more sympathetic. “Hey, sorry, I just wanted to say I found this when going through your books,” she started, cautiously holding out the song book to him. “You said I could look whenever but this was probably too personal, I should’ve known better, I’m really sorry.”
Luke’s eyes went wide with panicked recognition, he didn’t seem to hear her apology as he stood frozen, gaze flicking between her and the book. “Julie, I can explain—”
“You don’t have to, I just… are you okay?” she asked instead.
“Wh- yeah, it was years ago, it doesn’t mean anything, I promise,” he still rushed to say, “and we never let it affect the band.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” Julie took a cautious step closer, carefully setting the book aside. She watched his eyes follow it. It didn’t surprise her at all that his first instinct was to assure the integrity of the band. “They’re beautiful songs, by the way. Did Alex ever hear them?”
Luke winced. “Julie, please, it’s not like that anymore. I love you.” Not to mention, Alex is with Willie, he doesn’t say.
“I know you do, I love you too,” she gently assured, closing the distance to take his hands in hers. She’d never take their ability to touch for granted. “Can I ask what happened…?”
The guitarist averted his gaze. “It just wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. There wasn’t some big fight or anything. I was just grateful he didn’t want to leave the band, he’s the best drummer we could ever have, so- we made it work, and everything’s fine. I’m happy with you, please don’t think I’d give us up.”
She knew Luke with his endless fountain of love. She knew he did everything with his whole heart. There was never a moment she felt insecure in their relationship because everything he’d ever done was done with love. She knew he’d never turn on her like that. But also, based on the future he’d been planning with Alex, it was clear he had no intention of giving them up back then too. Did that mean Alex had been the one to break it off?
“I’m not going anywhere,” Julie promised, going on her toes to press a fleeting kiss to his lips. It was enough to make him look back at her with those wide doe eyes. Impossible not to fall for.
“You’re really not mad?”
“Of course not. I just worried that you might not have had someone to talk to about it back then.”
Luke tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he gave the barest shake of his head. He couldn’t risk tearing the band apart, he had no one else to turn to. It was one of the few things that nearly made him break enough to return home, to be held by his mother through tears, but he couldn’t bear the inevitable sting of I told you so. Still, it didn’t feel fair to be mad at Alex for saying they were better off as friends. They’d made it this far and now they’d each fallen in love again, the happiest they’ve been since their deaths, so he’d been right. They’re good as friends.
“You can talk to me about anything,” Julie’s voice cut through his thoughts. “But I did really want to know if Alex has seen them, they’re so sweet.”
“Ah, no, he didn’t really like that kind of attention so I kept it to myself,” he dismissed. He certainly couldn’t show Alex now. “I’m glad you like it, though. I hope you love the ones I’m writing for you now too.”
“I know I will. Because everything you do is amazing.”
“Everything?” Luke quirked an eyebrow.
“Don’t push it,” Julie laughed in response, stealing another kiss. It succeeded in getting him to relax a bit more.
She let the topic rest when it became clear he wasn’t planning on talking about it anymore, but she could see it still running through his head behind foggy eyes. She’d be there for him regardless. Even if it meant doing something very stupid.