Archive of Our Own

University, at its core, is its own brand of organized madness.

None tells you this –none tells you anything about university, really– but at some point you start to appreciate the madness and chaos, embracing it like a close ally during the late hours of the night, with an assignment in front of you and a pair of dry eyes.

In Yamaguchi’s case, he’s made it his enemy. The only reason he hasn't dropped out yet is because he has his friends who he can constantly complain to about the hassles and migraines, and a beautiful boyfriend he’s vowed to work hard for for the rest of their lives.

That isn't to say he was necessarily a bad student, not at all– he did his work, rarely skipped class without a valid reason, and did as well as he could on his exams. (University is so humbling. He will never fully recover.)

None of that matters though when it's a Thursday, marking the end of the week, and he’s already struggling to get up from his bed to have breakfast and get the day started for his classes taking place later in the day.

He gets up regardless though, very aware of the missing body that usually laid next to him on the bed. Yamaguchi doesn't bother with anything before breakfast though, and immediately heads to the door to make his way towards the kitchen.

On his way down the hall, Yamaguchi passes their spare bedroom with a yawn. He stops in his tracks and looks inside the room, now distracted by a new set of thoughts.

Ever since he and Tsukishima got together, his what would have been bedroom had become a guest bedroom of sorts, doubling as a storage room for random junk they had nowhere to put. It was collecting dust and not being used at all, and Yamaguchi thinks in that moment that they could be using the space a little more efficiently. An idea pops into his head then, and he files it away for later to mention to his boyfriend.

As he moves further down the hall –rubbing the sleep from his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up– into the main living room-slash-kitchen area, he finds Tsukishima setting up their plates on the small round table off to the side, with what looked to be a somewhat western breakfast on them.

“‘Morning, Tsukki.” he mumbles, leaning over slightly to the sitting Tsukishima, planting a kiss on his cheek before sitting down in his own seat on the opposite end of the table and in front of the other plate.

“Goodmorning,” Tsukishima himself mumbles, picking up his fork and digging into the eggs on his plate with an equally tired look on his face. Mornings were always a hit or miss with them, and Yamaguchi specifically knows that they didn't go to bed last night at a regular time, or together.

They ate in silence for a while, forks or spoons scraping against ceramic plates in the quiet coziness of their shared sun-warm apartment. Which reminds him…

“Tsukki, I was wondering. My old bedroom..” He begins, looking up and making sure Tsukishima was listening to him. They meet each other's eyes over their half-eaten plates. “I don't really use it for sleeping anymore, and we don't usually have guests over. Why don't we turn it into something like… I dunno, an office of some sort? We’re both university students, so it would actually get some use.” Yamaguchi sets down his fork on his empty plate, signalling he was done eating, and now completely giving his undivided attention to Tsukishima and gauging his opinion on his suggestion.

Tsukishima didn't take any more bites from his food, instead opting to let the hand that was holding onto his fork sit idly next to the plate. His face was blank, as if deep in thought, and Yamaguchi gave him a few more seconds before prompting again. “What do you think?”

Swallowing, Tsukishima finally replied. “I don't think it's a good idea,”

“What? Why not? It's not like it's being used for anything right now.” Yamaguchi leans into his arms and rests his head on top of them on the wooden table comfortably, curious about the rejection to what would be an otherwise innocent change to their apartment.

There's a slight hesitancy in the way Tsukishima pauses before thinking once more, and Yamaguchi isn't stupid to not notice it. The blonde seems to actively choose to abandon what would've been his response, not elaborating anymore. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room gets a little thicker on Yamaguchi’s skin.

“Tsukki?”

“What if…” Yamaguchi watches Tsukishima’s tongue dart out and run across his dry lips hastily before continuing. “What if we break up?”

The world takes a pause.

Or at least, to Yamaguchi, it feels that way.

Break up?

The second the words fully register into Yamaguchi’s brain, he darts up from his comfortable position so quickly that his neck aches, and gives Tsukishima a bewildered stare as one of his hands comes up to remedy his sore neck unconsciously. “Break up?”

“Yeah. Where would the other person go?” Tsukishima doesn't meet his eyes anymore, only moves to watch as his fork plays around with the little bits of leftover egg on his plate, probably not going to get eaten from the direction this conversation was heading.

Yamaguchi’s stare swaps through a multitude of different emotions– hurt, perplexed, lost. Tsukishima’s tone doesn't give him anything to work with, and his expression is so strangely neutral that Yamaguchi almost thinks he’s overreacting.

Why would this be a concern? Did Tsukishima think they were going to break up? Where did this idea even come from?

He assumes his sudden movement and silence lasted much longer than what he thought it did, because Tsukishima actually lifts his head up slightly to look through the edges of his glasses and into Yamaguchi’s hurt eyes.

“...Why would that even be on the table?” Yamaguchi stumbles a little bit with what he means, but thinks it comes out clear enough for his boyfriend to understand.

Tsukishima blinks twice before shrugging. “I’d imagine we wouldn't want to share a bed then, and the couch needs replacing anyway–” Ever the occasional literalist, Tsukishima begins listing and rolling out his own blueprint of their apartment and the changes it needs. Yamaguchi thinks he misses the point, and interrupts him before his whole irrelevant spiel gets longer than it should. “No, Tsukki,” He says boldly, the sadness in his tone apparent and unignorable. “Thats not it. Why would we break up? You’ve thought about this?”

Tsukishima gapes at him slightly, before averting his gaze once again and going back to that stupid breakfast plate of his. Yamaguchi frowns harder. “It isn't about sleeping on the couch or whatever, why is breaking up something you think of? Is there something you want to talk about?”

The more he talks, the less composed he is, and the more angry he feels. Why was this being brought up so casually? Why wasn't Tsukishima looking at him?

Yamaguchi always had the idea that they’d be together forever, just like they always are, always have been. Being in their second year going into their third in university, he began thinking more about his future. Their future. Together. What they would do after university, what kinds of jobs they’d apply for and juggle. Being the dreamer that he was for the both of them, he’s even thought of marriage. That all came crashing down on itself like an unstable, withered building the moment Tsukishima uttered a couple of words a mere couple minutes ago.

“Tsukki?” he pressed impatiently, hands holding onto the edge of the table now with a frustrated look on his face. “Say something.”

Tsukishima only seems to get even more nervous under Yamaguchi’s now heartbroken face. When they meet eyes, it isn't longer than a couple of seconds before it's once again, Tsukishima, who breaks it. At least he begins talking.

“It’s just a precautionary measure,” he says at last, dropping the fork on the plate and pushing himself away from the table slightly to get up. He was deflecting the questions Yamaguchi actually needed answers to, and that only made Yamaguchi internally agonize over his almost robotic responses even more.

Helpless, hopeless, and understanding that he wasn't going to be getting any more answers from Tsukishima this morning, Yamaguchi slams his hands on the table and pushes away from the table roughly. He stands up and attempts to catch Tsukishima’s surprised eyes in a hard glare. “Fine then! Be that way!”

He leaves the chair where it is, –a little far from the table due to his outburst– along with his empty plate and rushes back to their room. His sudden yell scratches at his throat uncomfortably. He hates everything about this situation.

The stunned Tsukishima sits on his wooden dining chair, and watches the other stomp his way to their shared room, slamming the door harshly behind him. It almost served as a silencer for the whole world– the birds don't chirp outside the kitchen window anymore, and their neighbours TV can't be heard through their thin walls.

Tsukishima swallows saliva down, thinking about the interaction in a little more detail.

…He might’ve messed up.

— — —

Yamaguchi is ignoring him.

Someone needs to understand where he’s coming from.

Tsukishima has gotten the silent treatment all day, ever since Yamaguchi left their apartment earlier than when his classes usually start. Tsukishima had his schedule memorized, because of course he does.

He doesn't know where to begin with explaining what he means to Yamaguchi, but he also doesn't know when to catch the other anymore to have said talk when he’s giving him nothing to work with.

Personally, he doesn't think he said anything wrong. He doesn't think it was wrong to deny the office idea Yamaguchi proposed, because he’s just planning ahead. Accounting for possible disasters, like he’s always done.

What if Yamaguchi finally understands that he deserves someone better than Kei? One day, he’ll find someone a lot more qualified to love him, more fit for him, and much more capable than Kei ever was at protecting him– at everything Kei lacks in their relationship, and it’ll leave one of them to hover with the other in the same apartment until they move out. It’ll most likely be Tsukishima, because he’d do anything for Yamaguchi, and he’s already recognized the agony he’d be subjecting himself to if he stuck around knowing Yamaguchi is with some other person more capable than himself at everything revolving around Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima is a selfish person, and he doesn't want to subject himself to that, no matter how much he thinks he deserves it.

Yamaguchi, of course, doesn't know the majority of this. He doesn't know Tsukishima’s been mulling this for years, has kept this thought process in a small drawer in the back of his ‘Yamaguchi’ labeled room in his brain to sift through when he’s particularly feeling inadequate within their relationship. Tsukishima’s kept it tightly hidden because he doesn't want Yamaguchi to feel bad, knowing the other feels a lot more than he does.

Now, considering he’s kept it a secret for this long, he recognizes the consequences of not communicating this with Yamaguchi. Because now, when it's a vital key to making his boyfriend feel better, he’s met with a problem.

Tsukishima refuses to let Yamaguchi know about his insecurities and issues, so he begins his hunt to think up a new way to fix this.

— — —

“Tsukki,”

Tsukishima turns around with surprise as he is met with Yamaguchi, staring at him with an indifferent facial expression.

The blonde is too surprised he got acknowledged to begin with to reply properly, so Yamaguchi seems to waste no time getting what he came there for. “I forgot my keys in one of my other bags at home, can I borrow yours?”

Again, Tsukishima lags slightly before flinching and processing the question. “Ah– um, yeah. Sure.”

He moves quickly towards his tote, shuffling through it for his own set of keys before handing them to his boyfriend and standing there awkwardly.

“Thanks.” is all Yamaguchi says afterwards, moving to pass by Tsukishima. He gives a wave and a smile towards Kageyama and Hitoka on his way, which they both seem to return with baffled expressions of their own, before leaving them to head towards the general direction of where his and Tsukishima’s apartment building is.

Tsukishima watches him go with wide eyes, before sighing quietly and turning back to the other two he was keeping company before the interruption.

All he got in return were confused glares. Tsukishima flinches before frowning back. “What?”

“What the hell did you do?” Kageyama is the first to address anything, looking back and forth from Tsukishima’s face and Yamaguchi’s walking silhouette in the distance.

“Huh?”

“Yamaguchi! He was acting weird towards you,” Hitoka elaborates more, her face becoming more upset and worried than angry like Kageyama is. “He loves you so much! Did something happen?”

Upon hearing Hitoka describe Yamaguchi’s love for him, his face turned slightly red. No, he will never admit that it was also because he was embarrassed at being called out, even if they don't know this whole thing was his fault to begin with. “It’s just… a misunderstanding,”

“Anything from eating his leftovers to murdering his family is a misunderstanding to you!” Hitoka scolds him, Kageyama only nodding next to her in agreement. “What happened?”

Tsukishima licks his lips and looks away from them, wondering why he even said anything in the first place. They won’t let this go now.

Fine, Tsukishima sighs. He gives up and begins giving them a short and sweet version of what happened a couple of days ago, opting out of including anything he wouldn't tell Yamaguchi about or would make the whole thing sound worse than what it is. Listen, he came here to shit-talk a mutual professor they hated, not get barbequed because he made a mistake and made the best person in his life hate him. Tsukishima preferred if those two things were on different days, thank you very much.

Not to mention, said best person in his life is better friends with all their mutual friends than Tsukishima is, and always has been since high school. Even if Tsukishima is in the right here, everyone would find a way to pin this as his fault regardless. At least he thinks so.

By the time he’s done explaining the cut-up version of the issue, Hitoka had her mouth wide open in distress. “Tsukishima?!”

“What?”

“Breaking up? Are you insane? Are you going to break up with Yamaguchi?”

“No. Don't ask stupid shit like that,” He frowned at her, and she just frowned back.

“Does Yamaguchi know that?”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow in annoyance, but did not reply, and thought it over.

Maybe Tsukishima should never be praised for his intelligence again, because even a dumbass like Kageyama or Hinata would be able to see how hurt Yamaguchi was by his statements that forbidden morning. The second Hitoka mentioned anything about what Yamaguchi does and doesn't know, he realized that maybe, just maybe, Yamaguchi does in fact not know what he really said– a suggestion? A solution? He knew his replies that day didn't help either, he’d already deduced that much. But if he’s still considering and thinking of more things he’s messed up as a result of his own insecurities, he’s been getting nowhere for the past couple days.

As the trio stood together in the middle of campus in silence for a couple lonely and loud minutes, Kageyama finally broke it with a comment of his own. “I didn't think you could be this bad when it came to Yamaguchi.”

The taller looks back at him, a frown permanently stuck on his face after his other friends’ words.

This bad? Him and Yamaguchi?

If a gun was pointed to his head in that specific moment, he would’ve never admitted that the setter was right out loud. However…

He did have a point.

Wasn’t he meant to know Yamaguchi? And Yamaguchi knew him– is there something wrong with him? Why is he intentionally trying to look for a different solution when a very easy one is right there? He doesn't want to break up with Yamaguchi, he doesn't want to see him hurt– but in his head, everything he could do that seemed so easy just hurt the person he cares about regardless of what he does.

Tsukishima couldn't completely blind Yamaguchi from that pain, and he hated that. But by not doing anything about the current issue, he’s just causing the other unnecessary hurt. Choosing to stay silent about the problem he’s facing alone is only digging the hole that this situation puts them in deeper. He can't keep living like this until Yamaguchi is the one to crack, he has to be the one to breach this himself for the both of them. If not for himself, then for Yamaguchi. Always for Yamaguchi.

He didn't plan to spiral completely in the middle of campus today, so he shakes his head slightly as if to stop thinking any longer before talking. “I’m going to go. Don't worry about Yamaguchi, I'll fix it.”

That’s all he said before turning and heading towards the same direction Yamaguchi just went in, Hitoka yelling after him in worry. He didn't turn or show any indication that he heard her, continuing on his way and speed-walking to his next class.

He’ll fix it. He will.

— — —

A couple more days go by, and Yamaguchi is found in his corporate finance class with his head in the sky and eyes trained on the board across the room from him.

His professor is on about something or another, writing on the board and lecturing, but he doesn't have it in him to focus. He hasn't had it in him to focus since last Thursday. All Yamaguchi’s done since his and Tsukishima’s one-sided fight was: Give Tsukishima the cold shoulder, only talking to him when necessary, and replaying Tsukishima’s words over and over and over again in his head until he feels like stupid, clueless trash.

What if we break up?

It’s just a precautionary measure,

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎
‎ ‎

Yamaguchi’s thought of every possible scenario since that day– was that Tsukishima code for ‘Let's break up right now, Yamaguchi!’ or was he mischaracterizing how Tsukishima would let him down?– if that even was his intention.

Would it be straightforward and easy for him? Or would he beat around the bush about it for Yamaguchi’s sake? He was always the one that felt outwardly between the two of them, maybe Tsukishima just wanted to avoid feeling guilty. But doing it via text is low, even for Tsukishima.

Wait– What the hell was he thinking?! No! No, don't think about how Tsukishima would break up with you in the middle of class– That isn't going to happen! No!

He tunes back into the lecture properly for a solid four minutes after scolding himself internally, and understands absolutely nothing. Which is to be expected, considering he hasn't been paying attention all lecture.

Recognizing that he won't be understanding anything anyway for the rest of the class, he resigns himself back to his earlier thought process and switches perspectives.

The more he thinks about the argument they had, the more he doubts the stability of their relationship. If the foundation itself was cracked, the whole building was doomed to fall to begin with, right?

Where was this doubt about their relationship coming from to begin with? He’s never thought of Tsukishima as someone who would consider them breaking up a real possibility. That there would be a time or a point in the future where they wouldn't be by each other's side. Yamaguchi has always been committed to them for the long ride and long ride only, but after this, he thinks Tsukishima had always planned for the opposite. On the verge of giving it all up the second they had intent to do so.

Little does his stupid boyfriend know– he’d never do that! What's gotten into him?! Yamaguchi never even once considered that they wouldn't be best friends, boyfriends. He doesn't think he gave Tsukishima any reason to think so, either. If he did, it was never communicated to him and he did not notice it. Tsukishima was meant to tell him these things, Yamaguchi can't read minds–

Yamaguchi only stops thinking and slightly jumps when he realizes that half of the lecture hall was already out, and that class is over. He panics to get all his things into his bag before the professor or anyone notices his absent-minded behavior, and rushes to the doors with a couple classmates.

He sighs when he reaches outside the building, and takes a deep breath of fresh air before he begins walking with a heavy head and heart.

Yamaguchi doesn't want to be doing this to Tsukishima. To them. Doesn't want to be giving the silent treatment, doesn't want this weird, almost alien energy between them– like two strangers asked to cohabitate for almost two weeks. Yamaguchi never wanted Tsukishima to feel like a stranger to him, it's wrong. They’ve always been close, so to look at it that way is just simply wrong; unnatural. Like if the sky turned red tomorrow.

His head begins to feel heavy as he makes his way to their apartment building, and all he can think about now is how comfortable his pillow would be under his head at this current moment. He’s been doing a lot of thinking as of late, and he’d like a break.

As he makes his way to the apartment's door and uses his own key this time to unlock it, he gives the Tsukishima inside a small nod as a greeting before making his way to their shared bedroom to detox from the day’s grime.

Yamaguchi makes a mental note to get the notes for today's lecture from a trusted classmate later next week.

Just because his relationship might be on the verge of failing, doesn't mean he gets a pass at failing his courses too.

— — —

Every university student dreads finals week, sure, but the second worst possible thing to that is midterms week.

Not only does it serve as a reminder that ‘Hey! This semester's almost over!’, but it also mocks every student with its presence due to how stressful it is with almost no break afterwards. That's what finals have over it, actually– at least after finals there's summer break, midterms on the other hand have completely no mercy.

When midterms rolled around the 3 week mark of their weird relationship ‘break’, it just made the already tense atmosphere in the apartment even more tense. Both of them trying to catch up on readings and studies for their midterms and projects, handing and submitting and showing up on time for nine AM midterms like their life depended on it. It was a unique survival mode that only came when important deadlines, due dates, and exams showed up to stab them in the back multiple times while they got their daily two hours of sleep, maximum.

It had become a normal occurrence for Yamaguchi to head to bed at three AM, only to find Tsukishima sat down in the almost pitch black darkness of their living room area on the small kitchen dining table with his laptop on full brightness and a permanent frown on his face. The only thing that could be heard were his fingers frantically working on his laptop’s keyboard, and Yamaguchi could barely just make out earbuds in his ears sometimes. Sometimes it was his treasured pair of Somy headphones instead.

One night in particular, two days before midterms would be over for the entire university, Yamaguchi dropped onto the bed with a heavy sigh. He had no more midterms left, and could finally breathe normally until a month goes by and finals come to bite him in the ass. He doesn't think about that any longer however, and forces himself up from his bed to go brush his teeth and reward himself with the 9 hours of sleep he deserves. Tomorrow is a Friday, and he gets to hibernate.

On his way out the door, quiet typing could be heard once more in their quiet apartment. It was around one AM at this point, and even though it wasn't early by any means, it was still earlier than any other time he’d gone to bed that week. That also means he’s very aware of when Tsukishima had been going to sleep this week.

He didn't always come back to bed, and Yamaguchi was worried for a second that Tsukishima didn't wanna sleep with him the first couple times. But one morning, when he caught the other shutting his laptop with a sigh and getting up to start the coffee machine, he realized that he had just not been sleeping at all.

Yamaguchi felt bad for feeling relieved at that, because it isn't good that Tsukishima wasn't getting any sleep because of stress, but it also meant he didn't despise him or something to the point where he wouldn't sleep in the same bed as Yamaguchi. So…

Abandoning the bathroom for a moment, he walked back down the hall and stood in the doorway to watch the blonde type away at the full-brightness screen of his laptop once more.

It seemed like his work was neverending, to Yamaguchi. Tsukishima’s major didn't particularly do too many exams, so what he was probably working on was a report of some sort worth half his grade for no good reason. That was just a guess though, Yamaguchi hasn't had the courage to have a normal conversation with Tsukishima during midterms at all. Or before that. But that's not the point.

Tsukishima didn't seem to notice his presence at all, but Yamaguchi notices a lack of any earbuds or headphones stuck on or in his ears.

He clears his throat, and before Tsukishima can react to him being there, he mumbles the first thing that comes to mind. “You should get some sleep,”

The blonde stares at him from over his laptop, fingers seemingly paused in their position to type the next word. It was almost like he was even considering if this Yamaguchi was real or just a part of his imagination, something he conjured up in his heavily sleep deprived and midterm sick mind. Eventually he blinks hard, and his hands reach up to wipe at his dry eyes roughly below his glasses. It almost feels like sandpaper.

“Cant,” Tsukishima whispers back, and if the world hadn't been dead at this point Yamaguchi wouldn't have heard the reply with how quiet it was. Thankfully, Tsukishima chooses to keep talking normally afterwards. He takes a deep breath, “This is due in two days and nothing about it sounds right. I’ve rewritten it thrice and I'm this close to emailing my professor for an extension.”

Yamaguchi makes eye contact with Tsukishima when the other drops his hands into his lap and leans back on the chair he’s sat on, and they both grimace at what he said. An extension is already hard, but one for a midterm? Yeah, good luck with that.

Leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed, Yamaguchi bites his tongue harshly as a self-punishment for his self-indulgence before speaking again. “Tsukki, I’m sure anything you submit will outdo all of your classmates anyways. I don't even think you’ve ever gotten a negative comment about any of your reports before.”

Tsukishima’s tired eyes widen slightly at the words, and his mouth moves in the instinctive motions to reply but he seems to be stuck in his place. Yamaguchi looks away from his eyes then, relenting in one of their staring contests for the first time in three weeks.

“I’m going to bed, please make sure you get some sleep tonight.”

He doesn't know why he said any of that, considering he was the one that started ignoring the blonde. Regardless, Yamaguchi doesn't stick around to watch Tsukishima’s reaction, heading for the bathroom to wash up and brush his teeth before sleeping for the next twelve hours straight.

Tsukishima genuinely thinks he hallucinated that entire interaction.

Coffee courses in his veins instead of blood at this point, and he's gotten maybe a total of five hours of sleep this week, so it wouldn't be the most far-fetched thing to happen during one of his hysteric, academically induced insomnia episodes. He’s sure high-school him could support this, remembering when he almost convinced himself his own house was haunted during finals week in his senior year.

Weirdly, even if he hallucinated Yamaguchi actually speaking to him tonight, his words were very refreshing to Tsukishima. It was like he took a whole tin of mint tic-tacs and ate them all in one go. It felt eye-opening and fresh, and did more for him than any of the coffees or energy drinks he’s had this week.

He looked back at his laptop screen, eyeing the report he’s been rewriting every sentence of for the past week. Maybe, just maybe, imaginary-Yamaguchi was right. Maybe he shouldn't be stressing over it as much as he has been. He misses sleep like how a widow would miss her dead husband, and as much as he likes to think of himself as better than most people due to his bogus ego (or superiority complex, much to Kuroo’s insistence), even he recognizes that sometimes some things just need to be put to rest. Like his eyes.

Forcing himself to go back to typing, he fixes a couple commas and adds a couple more lines to the conclusion before sighing heavily and signing himself off to rereading the whole thing one last time, to make sure it sounded coherent and not completely like some shit a mad scientist would write in the mid-1900’s.

Tsukishima finds himself unable to hate anything about the report anymore when he finishes his read-through, and almost instinctively looks back at where the imaginary-Yamaguchi was before he disappeared, as if he’d be there to say: ‘You did so good, Tsukki! Now all you have to do is submit!’.

He positively saves the document, renames it from ‘FUCKINGHELLHOLE.docx’ to ‘Midterm_GED106_TsukishimaKei.docx’ like a professional student, and then submits with a simple couple clicks of his mouse.

Feeling hollow after his accomplishment, he shuts down his laptop and hulls it up along with his mouse with him as he makes the walk to the bedroom as quietly as possible, spotting a sleeping Yamaguchi under the covers on his side of the bed and already passed out from the day.

A small smile makes its way to his face unconsciously, and he wastes no time in putting his laptop on the closest table and rounding his way to his own side of the bed, now used to the push and pull that is his own internal thoughts about not being able to cuddle Yamaguchi at the moment.

The happy high of submitting his last midterm leaves him immediately when he realizes that, even if they spoke tonight, that doesn't mean the issue is resolved. Tsukishima still has to fix the hurt he’s inflicted. Three weeks was already pushing it, and Yamaguchi doesn't deserve that.

As he wraps himself up in the blankets, he ignores the lingering sadness in his chest. It isn't his hurt to feel, he did this. He has no right to be upset about it like a child that didn't get the candy he wanted at the store.

Sleep pulls him in softly, almost like a gentle kiss after all the all-nighters he pulled for every submission and every exam he had to do. He wonders if Yamaguchi experienced the same relief when his eyes finally closed and his brain quieted down a couple of hours ago.

He’ll fix it soon. He can't wait any longer.

— — —

It was nearing a whole month of their no contact schtick when Yamaguchi gets home from classes and is met with a tense Tsukishima the moment he walks through the door.

Tsukishima was breathing heavily, like he suddenly ran to the door as soon as Yamaguchi had made any noise that implied he was home and turning his keys.

Surprised as he was, Yamaguchi raises an eyebrow and stands just as still after closing the door behind him, except not as considerably out of breath. “...Need anything?”

“We need to talk,” Tsukishima immediately says, eyes wide and eyebrows reaching his hair line. After a couple of beats, he breaks eye contact and fumbles with his fingers in front of him nervously. “Please.”

Yamaguchi doesn't recognize the look on the taller's face, but he’s not stupid enough to deny a request to fix and understand Tsukishima’s point of view. Why it took him so long to explain himself and answer Yamaguchi’s questions, and why he said what he did that day.

He’s even gotten tired of his friends’ constant pestering about what was going on between the two of them, which is how he found out that Tsukishima had told Hitoka and Kageyama a buttered-up version. He was salty enough about it to explain the entirety of what happened to Hitoka one day when they were ‘studying’ at a cafe located directly on campus, but he wasn't mean enough to let her cuss his own boyfriend out, even if they weren't on speaking terms at the moment.

Back to the present, Yamaguchi moved to take off his shoes before replying. “Sure, um. Just let me change and wash up?”

Tsukishima seemed to forget that Yamaguchi had just come home from class, and flinched slightly upon catching up. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be in the bedroom.”

Yamaguchi watched the blonde turn around and rush back down the hall towards their bedroom, his socked feet making the descend almost unnoticeable. Sighing, he dropped his backpack on the couch and made his way after Tsukishima, grabbing clothes silently without looking at the other and heading to the bathroom for a quick shower and change.

The shower, in spite of how short it was planned to be, didn't stop Yamaguchi from overthinking every possible scenario that could happen the second he walks into their shared bedroom after it, good or bad.

— —

Tsukishima couldn't breathe.

He’d rehearsed every one of his points in the mirror, he’d thought them over in his head for days at this point, he’s done everything to make sure that when they have this talk, Yamaguchi would know that he cared and that he mattered to him in every way.

But this was Yamaguchi. Tsukishima was stupid enough to think that he’d act normally in front of his own boyfriend.

It's been proven time and time again that Tsukishima had a soft spot for him, even before they officially got together. It’s also been proven time and time again that nothing goes Tsukishima’s way whenever Yamaguchi is involved. Even though he optimistically assumed he’d keep at least some of his confidence going into this, now that Yamaguchi was so close and time was counting down by the minutes, he found that his head could not focus or remember any words he’d memorized before the other got home. This consequently meant he was A-tier panicking about the whole thing before it even began.

Tsukishima was so lost in his head about everything that when Yamaguchi did finish showering and came walking into the room with damp hair and his towel, Tsukishima didn't even notice at first.

“Tsukki?”

The blonde in question jumps from his spot on the bed, takes a fast inhale, and looks up all at the same time. Wide eyes stare at a fresh Yamaguchi, letting out the breath he took in. “You scared me,”

Yamaguchi places the towel on the edge of the bed and raises a half-hearted, entertained eyebrow at Tsukishima. “I didn't intend to,” he makes his way around the bed and to the other side, keeping a small amused smile on his face the entire way. “What were you thinking so hard about anyway?”

Tsukishima doesn't fall for the calm and collected atmosphere that Yamaguchi is trying to inject into the air right now, and just repositions himself so he’s sat down criss-crossed and comfortable above the messy sheets of their bed. They were both always equally as lazy to make the bed in the mornings, Tsukishima thinks it describes the state of his brain right now perfectly.

“About us.” Tsukishima replies tensely, and apparently something about what he said is wrong, because Yamaguchi’s facial expression drops drastically in response. Tsukishima hurries to stop whatever Yamaguchi was going to say as a reply, realizing how bad it sounds in the current context.

“Listen,” Tsukishima gulps and looks away, hoping that if he ignores Yamaguchi’s persistent stare on his face that it would make the words come easier. It certainly felt like they would.

“I’m… sorry,” he starts, fingers in his lap molding and twisting together rather harshly in an attempt to stay concentrated. “I avoided the issue for an unfair amount of time, and you had to suffer for my incompetence to explain myself to you. You don’t deserve a lukewarm attitude like that,” the skin around his fingers turns white from the force he’s putting into his grip inadvertently.

“At the time, I didn't think I was wrong in denying your suggestion and ‘planning ahead’,” he lifts his hands up rigidly and does air quotes for emphasis, hoping it helped make some of his next words a little clearer, “Because of my own personal issues and insecurities within our relationship, I couldn't put that into words at the time for you. I never meant to imply I’d be breaking up with you or anything like that– I just didn't realize how bad it sounded at the time, and I realized that you had no way of knowing that yourself far too late.”

“For all of this, I’m sorry, Tadashi. I’m sorry I made you wait so long for an explanation, and I'm sorry I let it go on for this long.”

There was silence for a long time after Tsukishima’s rambling and apologies had stopped, and the blonde himself waited for any sort of reaction or answer before attempting or considering adding anything more.

The panic hit him hard and abruptly when sniffles could be heard from next to him.

He looked up frantically and found a teary Yamaguchi staring back at him. The other looked down and tried to wipe his tears away, but Tsukishima leaned in and lifted his head in worry. “Whats wrong? Did I say anything wrong?”

Yamaguchi shook his head, taking in a shaky breath before leaning into Tsukishima’s space and wrapping his arms around the others waist as best as he could from the awkward angle, dropping properly into a close embrace as sniffles and quiet hiccups echoed throughout their room.

It was like all the repressed emotions he’s had about this whole ordeal came rushing back to him in waves upon getting that reassurance. It was so overwhelming and heavy in his chest, pushing him to acknowledge it properly and ask for an apology, and now that he finally acquired that comfort, it was like he was floating on a bed of clouds.

“I-I don't think you understand how nice it is to hear that from you, and not… someone else trying to comfort me,” Tsukishima catches the emphasis, and subconsciously hugs Yamaguchi closer to himself. “I kept thinking, about how maybe you don't want to live together anymore, maybe you don't love me anymore, that you found something you finally didn't like and… I don't know,” a hard sniffle. “Even I know now that these thoughts sound stupid, but before a few minutes ago they felt very real and possible to me, Kei,”

“I’m sorry,” Tsukishima breathes it out again into Yamaguchi’s shoulder, and the other huffs out in amusement. “It’s… not okay, but it’ll eventually be.”

He’s never known Tsukishima as someone that is easily swayed by silly or small things or reasons; and he knows deep down he wouldn't have stuck around this far into their relationship had he not genuinely loved and enjoyed his company.

Yamaguchi can't believe he genuinely thought that someone that cares for him and protects him like Tsukishima does would leave him. That he would put all this effort into their relationship, and before that, their friendship, just to throw it all out the window without a good reason. He won’t make the same mistake again, now knowing that would never be the case.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, a break to get Yamaguchi sorted before they spoke more. Tsukishima didn't know how much he missed physical touch until now. He remembers when touch starvation was a close friend of his before Yamaguchi, which is now something he’d only classify as an addiction when it came to his boyfriend.

Yamaguchi lifted his head from Tsukishima’s shoulder, wiping away any residual tears on his cheeks and sniffling a little more. He didn't move too far away from the other’s warmth though, planning on sticking in close proximity to the other for the rest of their upcoming conversation.

“When you said your own issues that you couldn't put into words for me to understand,” Yamaguchi started, lifting his head up and making solid eye contact with Tsukishima. “What did you mean by that? Is that why you said the things you did?”

Tsukishima bit his bottom lip slightly, knowing he owed Yamaguchi answers, even if he didn't want to give them.

“Yeah. Sort of,” he began, adjusting his sitting position to accommodate and make it more comfortable for the two of them to be as close as they were on the bed. “I was… scared that if something happened between us, you wouldn't want to be in the same space as me anymore. And I wouldn't blame you for it,” he sighed, looking off to the side in slight annoyance. Not at Yamaguchi, but at himself. “I was being paranoid. I just assumed you’d eventually find someone else to replace me with, someone… better, more adequate to love you.”

Yamaguchi’s sore eyes widened at the confession and the pure bullshit coming out of his own boyfriend's mouth, but he didn't say or call it any of that. He recognizes that even if this all sounds insane to him, he probably sounded equally as insane earlier explaining his thoughts about Tsukishima breaking up with him. Yamaguchi really had no room to judge, only room to comfort.

“You’re just too good for me, Tadashi. Everyone loves you, you’ve grown so much over the last few years. You know what you wanna do and–”

“Who I wanna do it with,” Yamaguchi cuts him off, and Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Who I wanna do all those things with.” He repeats, giggling a little when a slight blush colours Tsukishima’s face when he processes all the words Yamaguchi just said to him. “None is too good for anyone in here, Tsukki. We were made for each other, you can't say this without also implying that you’re also too good for me.”

Tsukishima looks into Yamaguchi’s eyes and hesitates, but ultimately gives up and sighs. “I’m so tired of all of this that I can't even bother defending my skewed and stubborn thought process,”

“Oh no! What will Tsukishima Kei do without his daily dose of persistence?” Yamaguchi sarcastically says, dropping to the side slightly to further dramatize his words. He would never miss a point that could be used to tease Tsukishima.

“Trust me, I had more than enough of that when I ran into Kuroo after class today.”

The other giggles, “It’s okay, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi fake consoles him, patting his shoulder gently.

The air in the room turns warm and comforting as the sun casts an orange light throughout their entire bedroom. Yamaguchi doesn't waste time before pulling Tsukishima down to lay with him in their unkempt bed, messing around with the sheets and blankets until both he and Tsukishima have some semblance of coverings.

Face to face and this close, Tsukishima lays an arm across Yamaguchi’s body, sighing happily. “Can we go back to cuddling now? It was depressing coming back to bed with no Tadashi to cuddle me to sleep every night,”

“You weren't the only one missing out! I've never considered the ‘little spoon, big spoon’ debate in relationships until I didn't have a choice anymore!”

Tsukishima huffed out a ghost of a laugh, and got closer to Yamaguchi on the bed. Yamaguchi’s face leaned into his chest, letting out a content sigh as he did so.

“Just never hide what you’re feeling from me again. That was scary,” he admits into Tsukishima’s chest, lightly hitting him on the shoulder with his left hand.

The blonde hummed from over his head, and leaned in more to press their bodies closer together, trying to find a more comfortable position for them to nap in for the day. “I promise.”

“Promise?”

“I promise I'll never hide anything from you again.”

Yamaguchi hums happily in response, going back to his cuddles. He closes his eyes, and feels as Tsukishima finally gets comfortable.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,”

It takes less than two minutes for the two of them to fall asleep.

— — —

As it turns out, Tsukishima didn't want to leave him! Life is amazing, he can finally breathe again. Money grows on trees, the Sky is full of rainbows and–

Finals week rolls around.

Yamaguchi comically slams his head into his desk in their shared office space, and consequently, into his humongous textbook he’s been using as study material for the past four hours.

Tsukishima moves to look away from his laptop and slightly over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow and a hum. Yamaguchi groans loudly into the room. “This is horrible. Would you be able to make enough for the both of us to survive if I dropped out?”

“I don't know how much you think exhibition designers actually make, Tadashi, but I'd rather we have more than enough money to sustain ourselves rather than barely scraping by with a single paycheck.”

Groaning from the desk and behind him can immediately be heard, and that's what makes Tsukishima huff in amusement and finally turn around in his rolling chair.

“It feels like so much though. Finals season never fails to sneak up on me, it's the worst.” Yamaguchi complains more, going back to his laptop to scroll through the comments the professor left them as advice for the final exam in two days time.

“Think of how you’ll feel after your last exam though.”

“All I’ll be thinking about is when my stupid scores come out. It’s like university is designed to make you as miserable as possible…”

“That could be a conspiracy theory if done right, y'know."

“Don't plant ideas in my brain– none's gonna teach me capital budgeting! I need to do this myself!”

“I believe in you,” Tsukishima slyly adds, moving his focus back to his laptop and the A4 notebook he has next to it with his own study notes he’s been gradually jotting down.

A space like this, just for the two of them to coexist and work together, was truly an upgrade Tsukishima regretted ever disagreeing with.

To sit like this together and talk again felt amazing. Yamaguchi can't help but let a small smile work its way onto his face when he realizes that, and doesn't bother Tsukishima with any more complaints about finals week until he gives himself a break.

In which he would then force Tsukishima to take a break as well.

And that's how they found themselves making hot chocolate together, sitting down in the living room to chill, procrastinating on their final exam prep and watching whatever documentary is available for free on their TV.

Yamaguchi felt whole, in that specific moment.

Even when he admits to a few wrong answers when he finally takes his final a few days later, he can't be too upset about it, because he’d do anything for many more of those moments once again.

— ADDITIONALLY —

Hitoka, Kageyama, and Hinata watch as Tsukishima hands Yamaguchi a small baggie of cookies, specifically from the bakery they just got back from, with a small blush on his face. Poor Yamaguchi had a class during their little outing, and even though the trio can confirm that Tsukishima had his own fair share of sweet treats from there, he insisted on getting the cookies, and gave Hinata a glare when asked why.

All three of them were under the impression the two had not yet reconciled their little ‘misunderstanding’, and the view from where they were standing looked too sweet for it to not mean one thing.

“They finally made up.” Hitoka, Kageyama, and Hinata spoke at the same time, turning their heads to look back at one another with varying facial expressions at the shared conclusion.

Nodding their heads, they accepted that the other two had it figured out, and collectively agreed that if they brought it up, Tsukishima might bite their heads off. (In Kageyama and Hinata’s cases, at the very least.)

They made their way casually towards the other two after a couple of minutes of quiet conversation, and greeted Yamaguchi with waves, smiles, and hugs.

The sky is blue, grass is green– and both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi knew each other like the backs of their intertwined hands, even if it takes them a little bit to figure things out.