Work Text:
Olruggio had never anticipated outliving Qifrey. Not that he thought he'd die young or anything, he just figured in the long run the stress from deadlines and chronic lack of sleep would be the deciding factor between who would live longer. Qifrey was always full of surprises, though.
"Maybe..." he says aloud, back pressed against the bark of the Silverwood tree. He doesn't even know where he's going with his words. "I could have helped-" his voice breaks off in a choked half-sob "-if you let me."
He presses his palm against the solid wood as if he's trying to engrave the pattern of the bark permanently into his skin. Olruggio cries for the first time since the tree took Qifrey. His cheeks burn where the tears fall, he wonders if they'll stain.
...
It takes months before Olruggio steps foot into Qifrey's room. He had been inside before- spent countless hours with Qifrey within these very walls- but it's different now. Qifrey isn't here anymore, his room untouched and covered with a layer of dust.
Olruggio takes care of the mess quickly, drawing a simple spell to blow the dust out the windows. Once clean he walks around the room, memories of Qifrey flashing before his eyes. Each item has a memory both good and bad. There's a few loose papers scattered about from the wind. He gathers them as he wanders, admiring the work as he goes.
He was the brightest witch of their generation and now Qifrey is dead.
Olruggio sits down at Qifrey's desk, the chair wobbles at his sudden added weight, and carefully sets the parchment down. There's a pale envelope with a dark blue wax seal sitting in front of him. The front of the envelope reads "Olly" in Qifrey's handwriting.
He looses time as he sits there, holding the letter in his quivering hands. It doesn't feel real.
The letter gets tucked into a pocket. He's careful not to damage it as he leaves the room.
...
My dearest, Olruggio,
If you are reading this letter I want to tell you I'm sorry, first and foremost.
I knew this day may come and I could not bear the thought of leaving you without an explanation. You already know of my affliction but I am aware you may scarcely know more than that and it is my fault.
I suppose I should start at the beginning: I found out about my parasite after passing the Librarian's test and entered the Tower of Tomes. That was the first time I remember the roots taking over. You saved me that day, Olly, and for that I owe you everything.
It was your idea to wipe your memories and keep everything a secret. It was your idea to swap cap ornaments. It was you who looked me in the eye and promised we would be partners in pain and I took it all away from you. You've always been so selfless and kind, I have no idea why you continued to be my friend after everything I put you through.
You're too smart, finding out my secret time and time again. Each time I stole your memories from you I felt horrible, but that was the point, your plan worked perfectly.
For each countless time I took your memories I am sorry.
I am most sorry for what I will tell you next, Olruggio.
My final secret, one that I have taken to the grave, is that I love you.
I don't think I can put into words what I feel for you but I hope that in all these years you have felt my love for you in every action, every word, every look I've given to you.
This was a secret I took to the grave not because I feared that loving you and being loved by you would kill me but because I was a coward who could not imagine a life without you in it. If I had driven you away with my feelings your sacrifice would have been for nothing and if I had brought us together with my love then I would have to destroy it.
Your love would kill me and I would let it, but you wouldn't. I could never bring myself to do that to you. I couldn't live while lying to you about it. For this and this alone I ask for your forgiveness.
Every moment I spent with you, even the ones you will never remember, was cherished.
Yours. Forever and always,
Qifrey
...
Olruggio laughs. He throws his head back, smacking his skull against the tree, and cackles through his tears.
"God, you're and idiot," he says after calming down. His tone is horribly fond. "I'm an idiot, too."
He shuffles a few feet away so he can face the tree. Olruggio knows that somewhere deep in the tangle of wood is his best friend, gone forever but not quite. He takes a deep breath and leans forward, pressing his forehead against the trunk. The tears never quite stop.
"I love you too," Olruggio whispers, hoping the words reach him. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."