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Hayden Pike was Shane Hollander’s best friend!

Hayden prided himself on that. Shane Hollander: lead goal scorer, star center, famous beyond the circles of hockey, the face of Reebok and Rolex and filmed a viral promotional video for Rivera Ottawa, so adored for his advertising value that the line-up of brands poured from the tongue in an alliterative dance. He was the current brand ambassador of Tim Hortons. He was captain of the Montreal Canadiens. He was Shane Hollander and he was Hayden’s best bud.

Recently, Shane had been tenser than usual. Tough times came and went like bad weather, and the amount of pressure and expectation that Shane bore would obviously wear him down once in a while. It was a natural part of life. But Hayden hated it whenever Shane found himself in these bad weather conditions: all defensive and anxious and in his own head– shoulders tense, eyes unpresent, his thoughts whirring so loud Hayden could hear them spinning like a mini tornado. 

He hated it because he understood it so well, the kind of pressure that Shane experienced. Glorious and golden Shane held up like a sky-scraper by a pedestal that reached the heavens; how Shane even had the courage to move any muscle lest he fall from that height, Hayden had no idea. But just because Hayden understood the source of the stress didn’t make him hate it any less. That was his brother from another mother. That guy was his best friend! He hated seeing Shane so stressed out.

Hayden tapped on his wheel absentmindedly as he drove up to Shane’s apartment. It was Hayden’s idea to buy the PS5. He saw it online for sale at a really great deal and decided to buy it as an early birthday gift to Shane. He didn’t care that Shane’s birthday was several months away. Shane mentioned it in passing once on the bench between scrimmages and Hayden naturally seized the offhand comment like reeling in a bite from a fishing rod. It was Jackie’s idea, however, to surprise a visit to Shane’s apartment, to check up on his friend in a special effort to show his care.

Hayden approached the entrance of the door, a physical disc of the newest Chel drop tucked close under his arm and the PS5 in its glorious, unopened packaging clasped firmly between both hands.

Hayden rang the doorbell. He hoped Shane was home at this hour. He specifically picked this time, Saturday afternoon, because he knew Shane didn’t have any schedules today. He purposefully didn’t text since he wanted it to be a surprise, but now he was having growing concerns.

Fortunately, Hayden’s concerns were short lived, as he soon heard the sound of bounding footsteps beyond the door. Thump, thump, thump. They were loud and fast. Was Shane eager to open the door? Was he rushing out the door for something? Hayden listened intently as he heard the heavy footsteps leaping down each stair step. They got louder and more eager as they approached the door.

The door lock clicked and clattered, like Shane was fumbling out of excitement and the door swung open with enough speed to cause a gust of wind.

“Shane!”

What the fuck. 

This was not Hayden’s honorary Captain, dear fellow Canadian, best friend Shane Hollander.

“Rozanov?” Hayden’s voice cracked in surprise.

Ilya fucking Rozanov was standing in the foyer of Shane’s apartment, hair damp and slicked back like he just came out of the shower. Barefoot and shirtless. The only article of clothing on Rozanov’s imposing build was a pair of pajama pants that hung low on his waist.

Hayden watched Rozanov’s face morph from pure joy to utter horror– and also… What emotion was that? Disgust?

“Pike?” Rozanov yelped.

Hayden took a step back to reaffirm the address. Yep, that was Shane’s address. He peered behind Rozanov to glimpse into the apartment. Yep, that was Shane’s furniture and interior design. He had been here countless times before. There was no mistaking it. Ilya Rozanov was in Shane’s apartment. Shirtless. Barefoot. Staring at Hayden with an ugly expression written all over his face.

“What are you doing here?” They asked in unison with equal notes of accusation.

🕸️

Ilya Rozanov had the best boyfriend in the whole entire world! 

Shane Hollander was the love of Ilya’s life, the apple of his eye, his lover from every universe and beyond, he was sure. He found that the more he spent time with Shane and the more he got to know him, the more he loved him. Ilya didn’t even know it was even possible to love Shane more, but he somehow found a way to do it every new day.

Ever since Shane confided to Ilya that he was Spiderman, Ilya felt like they were closer than ever. Ilya was the only person in the world who knew of Spiderman’s real identity, and he found that the shared secret brought the two to a whole other level of shared vulnerability and trust.

“I’m gonna go for a spin around the city,” Shane had said, pressing a kiss into Ilya’s lips.

Ilya was lying on Shane’s bed, pillows and sheets rumpled, blanket abandoned somewhere on the floor. Shane was standing over Ilya, clean from his quick shower, and began to haul the heavy blanket back onto the bed.

“Ughh,” Ilya had groaned, “Please stay for longer. Spiderman needs his rest, no?”

Shane had just laughed lightly, “Mmm, but I have to show up for my people every once in a while. Plus I have plans this evening, so I’d better make my rounds early so I can spare time for later.”

“Ah, you have special evening plans?” Ilya reached up to cup Shane’s face in his hands. He brought Shane’s face down to his own and licked into his mouth in a sweet kiss.

“Yes,” Shane spoke, slightly muffled as his lips were mushed into Ilya’s, “I have plans with this guy…”

“Tell me about this guy.”

“Well he’s this really slow skater, and gets into fights too easily, and he thinks he’s the number one hockey player,” Shane spoke into Ilya’s lips.

“Ah, this guy sounds fun,” Ilya pressed back up into the kiss.

“Yeah, he’s a bit of an asshole.”

“Mm, tell me more,” Ilya was practically chewing on Shane’s lips at this point.

Shane let out a breathy laugh, “This guy also never lets Spiderman get to his duties of protecting the city.”

Ilya let out a petulant sigh and stopped his chewy kisses to instead lick exaggeratedly up Shane’s mouth, starting from his chin up to his nose.

“Ilya! Gross!” Shane laughed as he pulled away. He grabbed at Ilya’s wrist, using his limp hand to wipe away the saliva on his skin.

“Ugh, is wet.”

“It’s your own spit, asshole.”

Ilya grinned up at Shane. The words ‘spit’ and ‘asshole’ in quick succession activated him like a sleeper agent. Shane noticed Ilya’s devilish grin and instantly read his mind. 

“Fuck off,” Shane huffed. He leaned over to place a final goodbye kiss on Ilya’s cheek.

“Nghh,” Ilya groaned. Shane leaving the bed always felt like ripping wings off of Ilya’s back.

“Bye Ilya. I’ll be back before dinner. Maybe earlier if it’s not too busy out there.”

“Okay. Bye Shane.” 

Ilya felt like a teenager high off of joints of infatuation as he watched Shane discretely leap out the bedroom window and swing his way across the city. He closed his eyes and sighed dreamily, imagining soft doe eyes and dancing freckles. Ilya would’ve never imagined himself becoming this kind of romantic lover boy, but when the doorbell rang in late afternoon, Ilya sprung out faster than his own highest speed-skating score and bounded to the door like a puppy that learned to recognize the word “walk”. 

Shane was back! And earlier than expected too! They could spend the afternoon together, talk for hours, make love, leisurely cook a meal, Ilya’s cheeks cramped from imagining it. His heart sailed like a ship embarking on a grand marine adventure.

His heart, however, navigated into a giant, jagged, ugly iceberg and sunk in a disastrous crash the second he opened the door. The iceberg being Hayden Pike, standing in all his lack of glory in front of Shane’s apartment entrance.

🕸️

“What are you doing here?” They both yelped in unison.

Ilya didn’t even bother answering the question as he waited on Hayden’s response.

“I’m here to see Shane,” Hayden said like it was obvious. It was obvious. Of course Shane’s best friend Hayden Pike would want to see Shane on the one day Ilya could actually spend time with his boyfriend.

Judging by the giant PS5 in Hayden’s arms, Ilya assumed he wanted to come over and have a fun play-date with his captain. Ilya didn’t know why he was so bitter. He was a mature, full-grown man. He needed to calm down.

“Shane isn’t here, sorry,” Ilya said, and motioned to close the door like that was final.

“Hold on a second!” Hayden cried, leaning his weight on the door to keep it open, “Why the fuck are you in Shane’s house?”

Ilya just stared for a second, unsure of how to reply.

“I am Shane’s friend,” Ilya ultimately decided. 

He hated how smoothly that came out. He wanted to grab the words and stuff them right back into his mouth, swallow them in one big gulp. The connection Ilya and Shane had could never be dumbed down to just ‘friends’. ‘Friends’ would imply that Ilya shared the same relationship status with Shane that Hayden shared with Shane. Ilya grinded his teeth just thinking about it.

“Yeah, right. What kind of stunt are you trying to pull now? Get out before I shove you out myself,” Hayden said unkindly.

“No stunt. Is just friendship. Very easy to understand, actually.”

Hayden glared at Ilya, “Since when were you and Shane friends?”

“For a long time now, Pike. Is not your business.”

Ilya tried to close the door again, but Hayden’s resistance made it an increasingly difficult task.

“What the fuck!” Hayden exclaimed. He looked angry now, “Yes it is my business. Shane’s my best friend. I would know if he was on close terms with you or not.”

Hayden spit the word ‘you’ like it carried venom, like he couldn’t keep the lone syllable in his mouth for too long lest it poisoned his tongue. 

“Rivalry is a fun concept for sports fans who love competition. We are adults, we don’t actually hate each other.”

Ilya felt like he was dumbing down his sentences for a child. He could tell it was pissing Hayden off. Would it be awful for Ilya to revel in it? Ilya decided he was a bit awful.

Hayden just huffed and pushed his way in, closing the door behind him. He flung off his shoes and stomped into the living room. 

“Hey! Hey!? Pike! What do you think you are doing?” Ilya called out, trailing close behind.

“I’m calling Shane and telling him that Rozanov is in his house,” Hayden plopped the PS5 and the Chel disc onto the couch and reached for his phone.

Ilya crossed his arms, “He’s busy now. He’s not going to answer.”

Sure enough, the call didn’t go through. Instead, Shane’s prerecorded voicemail message played out in the silent room: Hey, it's Shane. Sorry, I’m busy right now. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you later.

Ilya secretly relished in the fact that his contact was set to alert Shane past his silent-mode. If Ilya were to call Shane now, he would surely answer in a heartbeat.

“Is something funny?” Hayden quipped, “What are you smiling for?”

“Nothing to smile about in your life, Pike? So fucking miserable all the time?”

“Oh, piss off.” 

Ilya checked his own phone. It was pretty late in the afternoon, and Shane might get home soon. Struck with a sudden fear that Shane might walk home in his Spidersuit and reveal his secret identity to Hayden, Ilya straightened immediately like a man on a mission. He needed to get Hayden out of here, fast. No matter how much of a best friend Hayden was, and no matter how secretly sweet Ilya thought the gesture of buying the PS5 was.

“I think you should go now. You can leave the gifts here,” Ilya said hurriedly.

Hayden just gaped at Ilya, mouth and eyes equally wide, completely incredulous.

“The fuck? I’m not leaving until you get out of Shane’s house! You’re not welcome here.”

Ouch. That really fucking stung.

“Me and Shane are close personal friends. You do not tell me what to do in my friend’s house,” Ilya snapped.

“Friends? Do you hear yourself?” Hayden was raising the volume of his voice and it was starting to hurt Ilya’s eardrums, “All you do is talk shit about him online and target him in all our games!”

“Yes, we play hockey!” Ilya threw his hands out to mime shooting a hockey stick, like he was breaking down a very complex concept, “We are competitive because we are good competitive players and people like to watch good hockey players be competitive! Fucking relax Pike!” 

“How am I going to relax if you’re all up in Shane’s private house doing God knows what! What are you even planning to do when he gets back? I’m not letting him fall for some prank.”

“No prank! How hard is it to understand? I am Hollander’s friend, okay? Friends hangout! That is why I am here, da? Hard to understand?” 

“Yeah? I’m not fucking buying that. Why didn’t he tell me then? You’re his rival. You’re always talking shit about Shane, why would he want to be your friend?” Hayden threw his hands up into the air as if to say, you’re crazy! “He hates you!” 

Hayden just had to twist the knife didn’t he.

“I think you should leave.”

“What?”

“I said I think you should leave, Pike.” 

Ilya felt like his skin was on fire, and for some reason he felt a prickle up his nose. Hayden’s words shouldn’t have dealt such a harsh blow, but they nailed him in all the weak spots. Hayden stepped back slowly, like he realized he touched a nerve without realizing. Ilya was slightly taller and a lot more muscular than Hayden, and his sudden surge in aggression was a warning sign that Hayden decided to heed.

“Okay, fine,” Hayden puffed.

He tried calling Shane once more but he was sent straight to the voicemail inbox again.

Hayden eyed Ilya, suspicion still present in his stare, “What are you even doing here if Shane’s not home?”

“I’m waiting for him to come back. He will be back soon.”

Hayden just glared at Ilya, suspicion still present, “Okay…. I’m leaving the PS5 in Shane’s room then. It’s my gift to him. I don’t want you touching it.”

Ilya reached out his hand, “Give it to me. I can put it in his room and tell him you left it.”

“No!” Hayden cried, indignant. He snatched up the box where his precious PS5 was waiting for Shane’s gracious receival, “I can put it there myself, thank you very much. I’ve been to Shane’s room before, I know where to put this so you can’t get to it.” 

He hugged the PS5 to keep it out of Ilya’s reach. Ilya, pissed off that Hayden was being so stubborn, let out a loud sigh. It took every bit of Ilya’s willpower to not make some crass remark about him being in Shane’s bedroom. At the thought of that, Ilya realized that Shane’s bedroom was still a mess from earlier. No way was he going to allow Pike into their intimate setting. It felt wrong in all the worst ways.

“I can put it in his room, Pike,” Ilya reached out to receive the gift.

Hayden, however, ran around Ilya like a child playing tag and bounded up the stairs with the PS5, heading straight for Shane’s room.

“I don’t trust you,” he snapped over his shoulder.

Ilya, with his strong legs and long strides, bounded up the stairs two at a time, chasing Hayden like his life depended on it.

“Hey! Pike! Get out of his room!”

“Why are you telling me to get out? You’re the one that doesn’t belong here!”

That fucking hurt. Not only did Hayden twist the knife, he placed a firm grip on the handle and began to stab repeatedly in and out, in and out.

“Are you stupid? What do you not understand? I am Shane’s friend! That’s why I’m here in the first place! Do I have to remind you that one million fucking times?”

“I don’t give a fuck, now get out the bedroom. I’m hiding the PS5 somewhere only Shane can find.”

Hayden made his way around the bed, oblivious to its ruined state and started scanning his eyes around the room to find a hiding place for his gift.

“No!” Ilya reached for the PS5. He knew he was being immature as fuck but Hayden was pressing all his pressure points today, especially his insecurity about his belonging in Shane’s world. And now Pike was sauntering around Ilya and Shane’s personal space being an annoying piece of shit.

“Get your hands off!” Hayden yelled.

They wrestled back and forth for the PS5, yanking and pulling at it like spoiled kids fighting over a christmas present. The second Ilya got the PS5 in his hands, Hayden lunged at him like a flying fish lurching out of the water. Ilya dodged to the side and Hayden crashed into the mattress face first. Ilya would’ve laughed had he not been so pissed. Hayden reached over to grab the box straight out of Ilya’s grip, sending Ilya toppling over on the bed on top of him. They ended up tackling on the bed for several moments, Ilya trying to wrestle the device from Hayden’s grasp, whose arms and legs were hugged around it like a baby monkey clinging onto his mother.

🕸️

“Woah, monkeys swing with their tails?” Shane asked cheerily in French.

He was talking to a kid who had scraped her knee from running too fast in the city park. The two of them were now sitting in the grass, deep in conversation. The kid’s knee was bandaged up thanks to Spiderman’s miraculous medical powers (Shane had simply procured a Spiderman-themed band-aid from his pocket), and the kid had wiped away the last of her tears.

“Yeah,” the little girl responded in French, “They’re like you, Spiderman. Except I think only the spider ones do– like only the spider monkeys swing around with their tails. So maybe you can combine the Spiderman concept with a monkey concept to show that you can swing like them.” She nodded like she was discussing very serious matters regarding Spiderman’s branding.

“Ah, you’re right. Maybe if I also had a long tail I could swing like that too,” Shane responded. 

The girl giggled, “Spiderman with a tail? That’s silly.”

“No? Wouldn’t that be cool? I could be Monkey Man,” Shane teased, pleased when it elicited another round of giggles. 

“Oh, Priya!” An older woman approached them, “There you are sweetie!”

Shane assumed this was the girl’s mom. He stood up and dusted off the legs of his Spidersuit.

The girl began crying again as she saw her mom, seeming to be overcome with emotion once again. The girl reached up to be brought into a hug and her mom scooped her into a tight hold. The woman mouthed a silent, “Thank you, Spiderman,” at Shane before carefully tending to her daughter.

Shane returned a thumbs up and a quick, “Of course,” before zipping away.

Today, Spiderman helped an older man fix his wheelchair, got a cat down a tree, and cheered up a little girl who had tripped in the park. Aside from swinging around and taking selfies with a couple of enthusiastic teenage boys, there really wasn’t much more for Shane to do. It was getting late in the afternoon, and Shane had already swung his way around Downtown Montreal several times, even skirting past into some suburban areas. There truly wasn’t much else for Spiderman to step in for.

Which meant one thing, he could go back home to Ilya. Shane nearly burst in excitement. It was such a luxury to spend a lazy weekend with Ilya all cozied up at home. It reminded him, with a deep ache in his chest, of the time they spent together at Shane’s cottage. Shane checked his phone to see a Facebook post shared from his mom and a couple missed calls from Hayden. Nothing much to worry about on his phone either.

Shane daydreamed about Ilya like a highschool boy with a crush as he swung his way back to his apartment. The weather was the kind of Saturday sunshine that made Shane feel like flowers would bloom behind his every step. He made his way to his apartment, aiming for his bedroom window to discretely climb into. Shane pressed his back to the window while he carefully slid up the glass with his hands, making sure to keep an eye outside to ensure no one saw him slipping into his own apartment. There was nothing except a fat pigeon pecking away at a piece of moss growing on the roof a few swings away.

Shane felt his feet fall onto the smooth floor of his bedroom and he tucked his head underneath the window frame, eyes still vigilant of outside observers. He slipped into his apartment quickly and slid the glass down, spinning around to see–

“What the fuck!” Shane yelped.

His bed was still rumpled and a complete mess from his morning with Ilya, but that was the least of his concerns. Like last on his list of any concerns he could possibly have. Because on his bed was Ilya Rozanov, shirtless, hunched over Hayden Pike. 

Hayden was hugging onto a large box with both arms. His body was curved awkwardly in a smushed position against the bedframe. One of Hayden’s legs was pressing up against Ilya’s bare chest, and his other leg was nowhere to be seen. Ilya’s hands were grasping onto the box, arm muscles flexing as he tried to pry it away from Hayden’s animalistic grip.

The two of them looked up at the sound in surprise.

“What the fuck!” Shane yelled again. He tore off his Spiderman mask to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.

“What the fuck!” He yelled again. He was a poet.

Ilya quickly scrambled up from his MMA wrestling position and stumbled to Shane.

“Shane–!”

“Ilya– What?” Shane’s voice cracked without meaning to. He nudged past Ilya, “Hayden! What are you doing here!” 

His earlier whimsical mood evaporated in a snap and the familiar sensation of burning panic began to settle in. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the roots.

Hayden, still clinging to the box like a monkey, just gaped at Shane. He stood quickly, and the box dropped to the ground. It landed on one of the many pillows that had fallen off the bed in their aggressive scuffle. The box was unharmed, but everyone else had a chip on their shoulder.

🕸️

“Shane, what the fuck are you wearing!” Hayden shouted. He didn’t mean to be so loud, but how could he not when his best friend was wearing a bright red and blue spandex suit, almost identical to the one that Spiderman wore.

“Hayd!” Shane spluttered. He started to panic, but Ilya had gone to his side and started soothing him.

Oh no, Hayden realized. It all hit him with startling clarity: Shane previously denying any of his relationships with other girls, Ilya shirtless in Shane’s apartment, Ilya and Shane on a first name basis, overly affectionate and sweet, Boston Lily, the overly tight spandex suit– This was fucked up. Jackie and Hayden had spoken about Shane’s love life before. It wasn’t gossip, they just wished the best for their dear friend. Jackie had suspected for a while that Shane was gay… but now the magnitude of that realization was hitting him like a freight train.

Ilya had corrupted his sweet innocent Shane into being another one of his casual hook-ups and now they were in the middle of playing out some weird superhero themed roleplay before Ilya’s depraved self was going to make a mess of his sweet Golden Boy Shane! 

Thank God Hayden could witness it himself so he could save Shane from this. He knew Ilya was crass and reckless. He knew Ilya was a playboy who slept with anyone willing, and loved to get under the skin of his opponents. But psychologically manipulating your rival who was probably struggling with figuring out their sexuality into playing out your depraved fantasies? Way too low of a blow!

“Rozanov,” Hayden said, his voice growing stern, “Leave him alone.”

Ilya whipped around at lightning speed, “Fuck off, Pike.”

“I’m being serious. Leave Shane alone,” Hayden gritted through his teeth.

Shane was still shaking slightly, out of shock or fear, Hayden wasn’t sure. What Hayden was sure of was that Ilya’s hand should not be resting on Shane’s shoulder. Shane could practically be naked with how tight that suit was. Hayden needed to get Shane out of here, and fast. Shane looked cold and uncomfortable in that spandex suit. Ilya was fucked up to force Shane into this situation.

“Shane,” Hayden said, “Fermer tes yeux deux temps si tu veux l’aide.” Close your eyes twice if you need help. 

Hayden’s French was awful. His grammar and pronunciation was ass, he knew. He didn’t even know the word for blink, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and Hayden knew that this was the only way he could communicate with Shane secretly.

Shane stared at him blankly, eyes wide, “Hayden, what the fuck?”

Hayden glanced at Ilya who looked confused. Good, his secret messaging was working to conceal his intentions from the enemy. 

Hayden looked at Shane again, and repeated, “Fermer tes yeux deux temps,” Hayden gritted urgently through his teeth, “si tu veux l’aide.” Close your eyes twice if you need help.

Shane just gaped at him, unblinking, “T’s-tu en train de parler français? C'est de la marde, ton accent.” Are you even speaking French? Your accent is shit.

Okay, Hayden could decode this. He actually recognized the second part of that phrase, JJ had taught him that once. It meant: It’s shit, your accent. So.. Shane was telling him that his accent was shit?

Wait. 

“Shane!” Hayden whispered more urgently. He knew Shane sometimes didn’t get some social queues, but this was not the time for Shane to not pick up what Hayden was putting down.

Hayden doubled down in his efforts, “Blink twice if you need help!” He whispered in between his teeth, trying to direct the air behind his words so that it would push the phrase directly to Shane’s ears only. It didn’t help that Ilya was standing a centimeter away from Shane.

“Hayden I can’t hear what you’re saying if you keep eating your words,” Shane replied.

Ilya was staring at Hayden. Hayden couldn’t read his expression, but he was starting to worry that Rozanov was onto him.

Fuck, this was a difficult situation. Hayden suddenly wished that Jackie was here with him so that she could help him figure out a way to help Shane. His poor Shane and that evil Rozanov. Hayden needed a plan. He suddenly remembered the various stories that Jackie told him about girl code. In her teenage years, she once met a girl that was being followed around at the club. Without a second of hesitation, Jackie pretended that she and the girl were best friends and the creep eventually sauntered away upon realizing that his prey wasn’t lonely. This was a good plan. 

“Shane! Ahem,” Hayden began acting on this genius plan. He scooted off the bed to throw his arm around Shane to indicate that Shane wasn’t alone, that whatever prey Ilya was targeting was not alone. Ilya just reached over to push at Hayden’s shoulder harshly and Hayden stumbled back.

“What are you doing Pike?” Ilya said condemningly.

“Hey, hey— Ilya,” Shane admonished, “Can everyone just hold on a second.” 

Seriously, since when did Shane call Rozanov by his first name? This was genuinely fucked up. Not only did Ilya coerce Shane into playing along with his depraved sexual fantasies, but he forced Shane to call him by his first name. Shane shot a look at Hayden. He looked angry, he looked disappointed, and– wait.

 Holy shit. There it was. Shane blinked twice. 

Hayden had to act now.

“I said,” Hayden wasn’t going to be nice anymore, “leave Shane alone!”

He shoved at Ilya with all his might. Ilya stumbled back, caught by surprise before shooting a deathly look back at Hayden.

“What is your fucking problem!” Ilya yelled.

“Back away from Shane. I’m not saying it again!” Hayden yelled back, “Come on Shane, let’s get you out of here.”

Hayden grabbed onto Shane’s wrist. Poor, innocent Shane in that filthy spandex suit. 

“Hayd, what the hell are you doing—” Shane yelped.

Hayden couldn’t even muster the strength to pull Shane all the way along because Shane was standing firmly in his spot, feet planted securely into his bedroom floor.

“Shane—?” Hayden questioned.

But before he could even finish, Rozanov grabbed onto Hayden’s arm and yanked him away from his grasp on Shane. 

“Get your hands off him, Pike.”

“Rozanov! You filthy fucking—” 

Hayden didn’t get to finish before Rozanov shoved him, forcefully towards the door. Hayden was not going to take that. He shoved back at Ilya’s bare chest. In front of him was that face that taunted Shane every game, spewed shit about his captain every interview, now he was messing with his boy in the most crude way possible. Hayden drove Ilya into the wall closest and slammed a fist across his face.

“Stay away from Shane!” Hayden shouted.

Rozanov flinched in pain before his face twisted into unbridled rage as he roared angrily and grabbed a fistfull of Hayden’s shirt collar. He crowded him into the wall opposite, pressing down with enough force to bruise. 

“You. You do not know anything about Shane!”

He lunged at Hayden without holding back, swinging a punch straight to his face.

Somewhere in the distance Hayden heard shouting from an alarmed Shane. That background Shane noises had been going on for a while now, Hayden noted, but he was too busy trying to punch Rozanov’s face into his skull to notice. He felt another heavy blow land against the side of his face. Now there was a slight ringing in his ear and the sound of Shane’s voice felt like a giant needle piercing into his brain.

“What the fuck has gotten into you guys!?” A strong bellowing voice called out. Hayden made out a large blurry red blob approaching them. It was probably his poor Shane in that depraved spandex suit.

Hayden suddenly felt himself flying. Had Rozanov punched him so hard that his body left the ground? He wondered, momentarily, if his soul was leaving his body and it was time for him to bid the mortal realm goodbye. He hadn’t even made it to thirty years old; he was still so young and there was so much life ahead of him. Was this really it? He didn’t want to die. Fuck, he really didn’t want to die. He thought about Jackie, oh his sweet and beautiful Jackie. He thought of his kids, the little sunshines of his life. Hayden would never see them grow old. What would they do without him? At least they’d know their dad spent his last breath fending for their Uncle Shane. Shane would help him look after them….

🕸️

“Is he dead?”

“Jesus– No, Ilya. He’s just knocked out. You definitely gave him a concussion.”

“Oh shit.”

“Maybe if you didn’t punch his face with so much force.”

“Fuck. Sorry Shane. He hit me first though—”

“Ilya.”

“I’m sorry.”

A loud sigh.

“Ilya, what were you thinking?”

“What was I thinking? What was Pike fucking thinking?”

“I’m not talking about Hayden right now. I’m talking about you and what you did.”

“Well we would not have to talk about what I did if Pike didn’t start going batshit crazy.”

Another frustrated sigh. Then a pause.

“Batshit crazy? Where the hell did you learn that?”

“YouTube video.”

“Oh.”

Another pause.

“Shane.”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry. I acted out of emotion. I should have thought first before acting.”

A snort.

“You don’t think?”

“No, I did not think. I’m sorry.”

“Apologize to him when he wakes up.”

A scoff and a quiet mumble in Russian.

“What was that?”

“Yes. I will apologize to him when he wakes up.”

“That’s what I thought.”

A ruffling sound, then the sound of a weight dropping on a bed.

“How long do your webs stick till?”

“They deteriorate naturally in an hour.”

“Okay….”

A pause.

“Shane.”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever thought about using your webs for when we—”

“Ilya. Not now.”

A mumbled, “Boring.”

“There’s a time and place for these kinds of things.”

“I know Shane. But if the webs stay for one hour and Pike is stuck there for that long—”

“No.”

A humph.

“So…. We are waiting one hour until Pike falls from the ceiling.”

“Well hopefully he wakes up before then. But that’s why we put the mattress underneath, in case he falls.”

“He will freak out if he wakes up and realizes he’s on the ceiling.”

Another sigh.

“I know. Obviously this isn’t how I wanted to tell him.”

“But you thought webbing him to the ceiling was a good idea.”

“I freaked out okay? I don’t want him starting anything again. I don’t know why he’s being so aggressive today.”

Suddenly, Hayden Pike was very lucid. The most lucid he had ever been in his life, actually. He blearily opened his eyes to see Ilya Rozanov lying in front of him. Or above him? Or beneath him? Was Hayden on the ceiling? Hayden tried to move, but his limbs were strapped tight with a web-like floss. Hayden Pike was stuck to the ceiling and he was glaring down at Ilya Rozanov lying down on a mattress beneath him, his cerulean eyes piercingly unblinking.

“What the hell?” Hayden cried, trying to budge his limbs to no avail.

“Shane, he’s up!” Ilya’s voice rang out from beneath Hayden. His arms were tucked behind his head as he looked up at Hayden like he was stargazing. Except instead of reverence, his face was filled with an ugly mirth.

There was a stumbling sound and Shane was back into view. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a loose long sleeve, any trace of the previous spandex was gone. All Hayden could see was a birds-eye view of the top of Shane’s head, black hair ruffled in a million directions. Shane craned his neck and Hayden got a glimpse of his best friend’s face. He looked worried, which was strange since Hayden was the one who was supposed to be worried.

Hayden suddenly realized that he was still on the ceiling.

“Shane! I think I’m stuck on the ceiling! Shit are you okay? I’ll be down in a second if I can just—” Hayden tried to pry himself away from the weird webbing holding him down.

Ilya laughed unabashedly, head still propped up like he was suntanning on the beach as he watched Hayden struggle.

“Hayd!” Shane’s commanding voice cut through the chaos, it was not unlike the booming captain voice he sometimes used in the locker room, “Don’t panic. I’m gonna get you down in a second. Just promise me one thing.”

“What?” Hayden choked out.

“Don’t freak out and don’t go attacking Ilya.”

“What?” Hayden’s voice cracked, “Shane. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Just say yes.”

“Yes?” Hayden replied hesitantly. He was trying to look at Shane as he spoke, but his neck was somehow fixed in a position against the ceiling where the only thing he could make eye contact with were Ilya’s piercing eyes. People with blue eyes scare the shit out of me, Hayden thought absentmindedly. He then remembered that he himself had blue eyes and thought back to every time he made eye contact or stared too long at people. Did he creep people out? He hoped not. He shuddered as he glared into Ilya’s unforgiving stare.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted by Shane’s voice, “Okay Hayd. I’m counting on you to keep that promise.”

Shane then smacked a hand over Ilya’s abdomen and Ilya curled into himself in pain.

“Ah, Shane– what was that for– ?” Ilya whined.

Ilya couldn’t even finish his sentence before Shane grabbed onto Ilya’s shoulder and hauled him off the mattress.

“Come on, get out of the way. I’m gonna get Hayden down now.”

Ilya’s body went limp as he let Shane toss him off the mattress. Shane then stepped onto the mattress and jumped. Huh, Hayden didn’t know Shane could jump that high. Then, what the fuck? Shane was sticking onto the ceiling with only his fingers. His body dangled below as he hung from the ceiling.

“Shane?” Hayden squeaked, “Wh— the fuck?”

Shane’s body was no longer dangling beneath him, he adjusted his position and was now fully crawling on the ceiling, limbs sticking to the flat surface like superglue. Hayden felt his limbs loosen from the sticky grip and he heaved in a breath as he was finally able to feel his chest fully breathe in a gulp of air without restriction. First his arms were undone, then his legs. Wait, if nothing was holding Hayden up, how was he going to stick to the ceiling?

“Shane?” Hayden warned, alarmed, “I’m gonna fall!”

"That's why the mattress is there, stupid,” Ilya’s voice called out from somewhere beneath them. Hayden forgot he was still in the room.

“Shut up, Ilya,” Shane shot back. He then turned back to Hayden. “Just stay still,” he muttered.

In one motion, Shane took hold of Hayden’s body and leapt down, landing gracefully on the mattress before dispensing Hayden unceremoniously onto the plush covers. Hayden bounced for a second on the springy mattress, completely out of his mind. 

When Hayden recovered, he sat up on the mattress and looked at the sight before him. Shane was looking at Hayden with his arms crossed nervously over his chest and Ilya was standing not far away, his hands tucked deep in his pockets. They both glared at him like Hayden was the one acting strange, when in fact Hayden felt like the only normal, sane person in the world today.

“Shane–” Hayden started, but Shane interrupted him.

“Hayden,” Shane said. He looked nervous as his arms tightened around his own chest, “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you but, um, this is Ilya….”

Ilya gave a little wave and pursed his lips, rocking back and forth on his toes and heels. It felt like he was mocking Hayden.

“... Rozanov,” Shane continued, “but you already know that. Ilya and I are… um,” he glanced at Ilya nervously, “We’re together. We’ve been seeing each other for a while and… um. Wow. This is not how I wanted to tell you this.”

Shane heaved in a deep breath and Ilya put a tentative hand on Shane’s shoulder.

“No, not now,” Shane breathed, motioning for Ilya to drop the hand, “Sorry, I’m just kind of– yeah. Um. I don’t know.”

Someone must have just dumped a bucket of ice water over Hayden the way his entire body went cold. Oh my god. Hayden just made the biggest misjudgement in his life. It wasn’t his fault to assume the worst of Rozanov…. But to think they were actually… seeing each other? Hayden suddenly realized how much of an asshole he probably came across as. He relayed every single interaction between the two from the past few hours: the way that Ilya treated Shane, the familiarity in which Ilya moved around Shane’s home, even now, the way Ilya was looking at Shane with such tenderness.

“Shit, Shane I’m sorry,” Hayden said when he finally found the words. He stood up to reach out and console his friend, then decided to sit back down. Then thought better of it and began to pace in front of the mattress, “I, sorry, I didn’t know you and Rozanov were friends– or like even, um, together or anything like that. I–”

“Just let me finish Hayd,” Shane interrupted, “You promised not to freak out, okay? And honestly it's making me panic a bit too,” Shane breathed out a slightly panicked laugh.

Hayden just nodded and sat back down on the mattress.

“It’s more than just Ilya, and us, like, being together. It’s um,” Shane swallowed, “I wanted to tell you that–”

Shane started breathing more heavily and bunching up the fabric of his shirt between his fingers. Hayden thought the shirt was going to rip if Shane squeezed it any tighter. His friend was going through a panic attack and all he could do was sit dumbly and stare.

Ilya also looked nervous, but he kept to the side and gave Shane space.

“Shane, it’s okay,” Hayden tried soothing his best friend, “You can tell me anything. I promise.”

“Okay. I– um. I…”

“You’re gay?”

“I’m Spiderman.”

What the fuck?

Hayden was very alert now. He stood up from the mattress. Standing on it made him tower over the two guys like an NBA player. He pointed down at Shane.

“What?” Hayden breathed, he even let a bit of a laugh slip because of how absurd the statement was.

“I’m Spiderman,” Shane blurted again.

Hayden stared blankly at Shane, then started to smile slightly. He gave Shane a look that said, ohhh nice one Shane. Shane, however, looked dead serious and the smile was immediately wiped from Hayden’s face. What was Shane getting at? Spiderman? The fuck? Now was not the time for jokes. Was this a gay subculture thing? An internet inside joke?

Hayden took a long look at Shane’s serious expression, then Ilya’s face, which was directed entirely on Shane.

“Ohhh, okay,” Hayden played along. He assumed that Spiderman was probably an allegory for hiding in the closet for a long time and finally deciding to come out. Like with the whole secret identity thing? Or was this all an elaborate prank? Hayden had his fair share of pranks that he pulled on his teammates. Or was this some encoded message that Shane was trying to send Hayden?

“I’m Superman then,” Hayden played along. He stuck out his right arm and put his left against his hip in a pose, leaning down at an angle and sticking one leg out to show that he was flying over a city skyline.

🕸️

In Ilya’s near decade of playing hockey with dense straight men who got concussions for a living, he had never, ever, met anyone as stupid as Hayden Pike. 

Hayden was so dense he probably had his own gravitational field, so slow plants probably grew faster than his thoughts formed, so dull a marble looked sharp in comparison. Hayden was the type of guy who read with his finger, the type of guy that thought LMNO was one letter, the type of guy who, when you blew into his ear, would say ‘thank you for the refill’. 

Hayden was the reason why those little plastic baggies in snack containers said ‘Do Not Eat’, the reason people could sell stupid things like ‘diet water’, the reason some clothing labels said ‘Do Not Iron While Wearing’.

Hayden was so dumb that his stupidity could be strong enough to act like a kryptonite that repelled the God of Wisdom. Hayden was so dumb, his mind probably held one clever thought in his entire life, and it probably died by the time he learned how to tie his own shoes. Hayden was so dumb, he probably didn’t have any trains of thought– little bicycles, maybe, that transported little thoughtlings in single file one at a time… and that was only if any of them knew how to ride a bike.

Ilya ran a hand down his face. Was this the result of a Canadian education? But Shane was so smart and well read, surely it wasn’t the education system’s fault. Shane told him to stop pestering Hayden so much, but Hayden’s mere existence was getting on Ilya’s nerves.

“We’re not joking around Hayd,” Shane called out, “I’m dead serious.”

Hayden’s pose faltered for a second, “What?”

Hayden had said that way too many times for Ilya’s liking. Each “What” that spluttered its way out of Hayden’s mouth was like a little rock stuck in the back of Ilya’s shoe. He wanted to tear it off and dump out every pebble.

Shane shot a web out from his wrist, missing Hayden’s face by a centimeter and plastering itself on the far wall.

“Ah!” Hayden yelled, “The fuck was that?”

Ilya wished Shane actually aimed for Hayden’s face.

“It’s a web. I told you, Hayd. I’m Spiderman.”

Hayden looked like a stupid fish. He was a stupid fish. Ilya decided to take a seat on the ground against the back wall of Shane’s room. This was going to be a very long Saturday afternoon.

🕸️

“Haha,” Ilya laughed to himself. 

That was funny. Ilya had been scrolling through Instagram for the past couple minutes and landed on a particularly funny Russian reel about a guy trying to cook pasta. The pasta began to burn into flames and a long string of Russian expletives followed as the guy on the screen frantically tried to save his burnt meal. Shane wouldn’t understand most of the words, but he would definitely understand the gist of the video.

“Shanya, look,” Ilya laughed, turning his phone to show his boyfriend, “Oh shit,” he belatedly realized. 

Ilya was still sitting with his back against the wall of Shane’s bedroom. He didn’t realize how absorbed his attention had gotten into his phone until he looked up and noticed that Shane and Hayden were in deep conversation. Shane had just revealed his two biggest secrets to his best friend, and Hayden was beginning to slowly digest them into reality. They were both sitting on the mattress, heads bent over in serious conversation.

The two of them whipped their heads around at the sound of Ilya’s voice and Ilya instantly shrunk back on himself at the deathly glare that Shane was sending his way.

“Oh– Sorry, I forgot you two were still–” Ilya stuttered for a few seconds before landing on a feeble, “Sorry.”

“Ilya,” Shane gritted between his teeth. He nudged his head towards Hayden, who was already standing up and approaching Ilya.

“I’m sorry Rozanov. I acted rashly and I didn’t know that you and Shane were, um, actually together. I apologize for my actions earlier,” Hayden reached out his hand in a handshake. It was a peace offering negotiated by Shane, no doubt.

Ilya peaked over Hayden’s shoulder and was met with a stern glare from Shane. Fine, he would consider this a truce. Ilya stood up, his knees cracking as he did– God, how long was he sitting there for?

“I’m also sorry, Pike. I should not have punched you. Even if you were the one that did it first–”

“Ilya!” A tired noise from Shane.

“Sorry,” Ilya ultimately concluded. There, simple. No way to misinterpret the most straightforward apology. 

He reached out a hand to give Hayden a firm handshake, a temporary truce under the House of Shane.

Shane stood up from his seat on the mattress and heaved out a long sigh, “Okay, now can you guys help me clean my room? You made a mess.”

Both Ilya and Hayden jumped at the chance to help.

🕸️

They (Shane) decided to invite Hayden to stay for dinner. The three of them played Chel on the PS5 in the meantime.

“Easyyy wins!” Hayden exclaimed, victorious.

“Too bad you can’t be this good at hockey in real life,” Ilya shot back.

Shane just laughed.

A loud dinging was heard from the kitchen; the food in the oven was ready. Shane impulsively pushed himself off the couch to go tend to the food. He hesitated for a second at the implication of leaving Ilya and Hayden alone on the couch.

Thankfully, Hayden took the hint and sprung up, saying, “I can get it!” and rushed to the kitchen in his socks. Once Hayden was far from earshot, Ilya turned to look at Shane, pulling him down to cuddle up next to him.

“How are you feeling,” Ilya ran a hand through Shane’s hair, bringing it down his neck and across to hold his cheek, thumbing at the freckles. 

“Mm,” Shane melted into the touch, “Tired. And pretty relieved I think.”

“Hm. That’s good.”

“Yeah, I think telling Hayden made me feel better. Less stressed. I hate lying to people, you know.”

“Is not lying. You are just keeping some secrets.”

“Well, omitting the truth? Lying? They’re pretty much the same idea.”

“If you say so,” Ilya moved his hands to trace Shane’s eyebrows, “Are you planning to tell your parents soon, then?”

“About being Spiderman?”

Ilya huffed out a laugh, “No, about being gay. We can do a second coming out.” He huffed out another laugh, “Seal the deal.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Is a serious problem, no?” Ilya replied seriously, “It’s like you are one own of the kind– How’s it go?” Ilya scrunched up his face when the phrase didn’t roll off his tongue as pleasantly as he would’ve liked.

“One of a kind?”

“Yes,” Ilya nodded. That was the phrase, “You have a one of a kind type of secret. Very unique and special. Spiderman and gay, special combo.”

Shane broke into a devastating grin and went to pinch at Ilya’s cheek, to which Ilya yelped dramatically.

“Careful with your super strength, Spiderman! You will bruise me if you are not careful.”

“I’m always careful.”

“Okay, Mr. Careful.”

Shane let out a small breathy scoff and gave Ilya’s cheek a couple reassuring pats.

“Shane!” Hayden’s voice called out from the kitchen, “Where’s the button for broil? Your airfryer’s so confusing!”

“Ughhhh,” Ilya groaned quietly, only for Shane to hear, “Pike is so stupid.”

Shane barked out a laugh at Ilya’s bluntness, “Come on, Ilya,” Shane warned, but his voice was soft and teasing. He then added, louder for Hayden to hear, “I’ll be there in a sec!”

Then Shane was whisked away to answer the simple problems of a dumb Pike. All Ilya could do was gaze at the TV screen where the remnants of his loss against that same dumb Pike still resided.

He heard distant chattering in the kitchen.

Shane’s voice saying, “Hayd, why are you trying to broil the potatoes?”

And then Hayden, “It’s this hack I found online. Trust me it’ll taste fire.”

“But they’re already done cooking.”

“Exactly, that’s why you only do it for a little while.”

Ilya smiled to himself. Maybe it was nice to not be so isolated. The secrets between him and Shane had made them closer and more protected within their little space with each other, but it could also be isolating. No one but themselves and Shane’s parents had proof of their relationship. Even less people knew of Shane’s sacrifices and time spent caring for his team, for his city. Now Hayden knew. And even though Ilya thought Pike was dumb and annoying, he was glad Shane, and frankly even Ilya himself, could confide in someone that knew about the specialness Shane.

“Ilya!” Shane’s head poked out of the kitchen, “Food’s ready.”