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Hi!! I'm Aubrey. You know, one of Bonnie's younger human sisters? So I thought it would be a good idea to come clean about some things, like a YouTube apology except it's for realsies. I... am a murderer. Mutilator, even. People often call me the female Terminator now even though that insinuates me having no emotions of my own, which is thankfully false. Whenever men specifically are borderline abusive or gropey towards me or my twin sister Lydia, I tend to get out of control and afterwards me and Lydia have to hide the bodies. It's not the best, but at this point it - along with thievery - is how we make a living. WE donate most of our monetary detriments to charities obvi, but I have a feeling they're all sick and tired of me. I dunno, it might just be 'cause I was semi-dating my friend Kathy but then I happened. There might be more in me, Lydia, and even Bonnie and Mom's situation(s) but only the plot and the real scum of the earth would be happy to tell you how much.
"jfygabclqcasc?"
I don't like to recall most of who I've butchered, no. But Kevin FUCKING SUCKED!!!!! I'm talking: left my sister for me (men almost always turn me off) while she was pregnant with their baby, making it obnoxiously clear that he was just your average alpha sigma male or whatever the fuck that means, openly flirting with waitresses (ESPECIALLY the ones that JUST TURNED 18), being racist to the baddest shawty Shonyx, being so boring he almost made me straight like him, swatting Kathy while I was staying at her house the night she died, openly believing in the boys don't cry bullshit, saying periods are just women 'malding', calling Kathy a dumpling-face, and SO. MANY. MORE. We should all be glad he's gone.
"jvjfjawusfiefgiurw?"
He definitely used aliases. I was using one right now because I CANNOT believe his surname is Hemsworth and not McAllister!!
"fxaxrqwatxq6wy?"
No, I guess I don't wish he hadn't been born, because then I wouldn't have been a character.
Yeah, I'd want him to have been aborted. I had to pretend I legally had a stillborn because there was a warrant for my execution if they found out it wasn't him who chucked the baby into a coffee machine at Starbucks. Plus, he called my curls 'misplaced pubes'. Literal necrophiles have the decency to not say that shit to me or Aubrey's faces.
"vjahidgacvwaa?"
The customer's order was initially just going to be a Vampire Frappuccino, but I figured I didn't even need grenadine. Now to be fair, even though I was still far from cooling down, I made an effort to apologize in advance. Anyways, hi, I'm Lydia, and you chirrens are watching the Disney Minus channel.
~I Wonder What Impossibly Early Preview This May Somehow Be For, Hmmm~
"Both American twins show signs of insanity, Boss*."
"Bring them all the way here from Brookhaven, then."
"But Boss, isn't that a trillion-aura cost just for the lowest class?"
"I don't give a damn, bring them here! We'll need them fur the next entries in this spin-off series."
"Y-yes, Boss."
"Sighs cutely; all this paperwork, thank Rex it's just fur canonical relevancy fur now..."