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Andrew might have been right about Neil's neck fetish after all. Or maybe it was just an Andrew fetish the way Neil was addicted to every inch of his boyfriend. Yeah, boyfriend. That one was a fairly new achievement. When it first slipped out Andrew's brow had twitched and Neil was briefly afraid he'd hit 105% but then he realized that Andrew felt smug about it, even though he didn't ever call Neil anything but his. He wasn't wrong. His, Neil was.
Nobody else would ever be allowed as close to Andrew as Neil was, physically and mentally. For outsiders their relationship might appear dysfunctional but it wasn't like that for Neil. Their game of push and pull was fair and even if it wasn't, Neil would never dare to overstep. It was a tight line to walk but he learned it's shape, how it bent and swayed form time to time, very firm on one day and quite flexible the next. As long as he got Andrew, he'd walk that line however he needed to.
Taking the lead did not come natural for a man who's been on the run ever since he was a little boy so he was fine doing whatever Andrew initiated, following the flow and taking whatever he was given. Sometimes though, he wanted to give. Call him pathetic, but Neil was needy. He loved kissing Andrew until he was dizzy, until they both were dizzy and Andrew made that tiniest sound Neil went totally crazy for because it was just for him. He wanted more. As much as Andrew was willing to give him and in this instance, what Andrew gave him was his neck to Neil's lips and his waist to his scarred hands. Oftentimes it was Andrew in top of him, pinning Neil in place and taking him by storm but right now it was Neil on top of Andrew, hands buried in messy blond hair, a thigh slotted between Andrew's, unmoving.
Their lips were long swollen from kissing and Neil's knuckles hurt from moving to touch anywhere collar up to where they remained tense on the other's midriff, scared to make a move and push too much. If Andrew said the word he'd stop but god did Neil not want to. He believed he now understood what being high must be like. Being pressed up to Andrew like this, his teeth in Neil's bottom lip and nails tugging at red locks, must be true mania.
Between Andrew and him, Neil was the vocal one. He got teased for it even by the Foxes, with Kevin being the biggest victim honestly — he shared their room, after all. But he couldn't help but sigh against Andrew's lips like they were a revelation. They were. Sometimes Andrew would clamp a hand over Neil's mouth to make him shut up when they got to it underneath the shower or in their bed at night, when people were near. Neil would moan into Andrew's hand or the noise would die in his throat getting choked and he'd cum way too fast but those times always made his eyes roll and his toes curl so good it didn't matter how embarrassing it was. No matter how often Andrew told him to shut up, he couldn't. Neil believed Andrew secretly liked it.
So when Andrew made noise? Neil loved that. The little ahs and pants and occasional whine when Neil sucked behind his ear or when his mouth was stuffed with Neil's cock were heaven. Neil had to hold himself back from actually talking and spilling every cheesy feeling and dirty fantasy he ever had about his teammate because he knew nothing good would come of it — best case Andrew would use his underwear to gag him again, worst case he'd say something that set Andrew off and piss him off entirely. So he remained good and pliant, trying to give his partner pleasure in any way he could.
His blood rushed south when he felt Andrew hard against him, hips pressing up against Neil's thigh and rubbing himself there subconsciously. It was the hottest thing Neil had ever felt, right after Andrew's lips wrapped around him. Maybe it was a draw. Any moment they shared was the best Neil could think off, hell, Andrew could press a blade to his throat and he'd fold. He didn't expect any of this, least of all how good and intense it would be. He hadn't gotten used to having Andrew do stuff to him, but feeling him like this? This was different from sleeping together or from Andrew pressing up behind Neil to jerk him off, a hand wrapped around his throat. When he pulled back Andrew's lips were kiss-bitten, his hair messy and his golden eyes shimmering like he was truly gone.
"Neil, please—."
Neil didn't know whether it was Andrew who went rigid first, whether he himself was just reacting accordingly or at the same time, but both of them froze.
Andrew stared up at him, eyes bouncing as they filled with panic. Pure instinct made Neil push himself up on his forearms, putting some space between their bodies. Andrews hands didn't chase him this time. He remained completely still on top of the mattress, staring at Neil like a dear in headlight. That's when Neil reacted. He moved one hand to Andrews head and pushed a loose strand of hair out of his face. Safe territory, Neil thought to himself.
He didn't have a map or coordinates so all he could ever do was wing it, he knew that. It was established that some days Andrew was fine with Neil touching him in places he didn't tell him yes to few days or mere hours later. He knew this, they both knew this, it was fine. But this never happened. Andrew wasn't a beggar for a particular reason, after all.
Neil half expected Andrew to push him off and bolt but he stayed put, staring up at him like he waited for Neil to react first. So he did. He brushed his thumb over Andrew's temple and didn't move an inch.
"Hey, it's okay. What do you want? I will give it to you, whatever you want. Should I stop?"
If Andrew told him to fuck off he would. If he stormed off, he wouldn't take it to heart. When Andrew didn't answer for a beat too long, Neil began to get moving away but Andrew quickly caught his wrist in an iron grip and kept him close.
"Don't."
The word came out sharp and direct, leaving no room for discussion. Neil nodded.
"Okay."
He slowly moved his hands back, watching Andrew's face closely for any type of change. Were the situation not as severe he'd have made a joke, who's staring now? But like this he studied the way Andrew's eyes softened and his muscles relaxed when Neil placed his hands on his hips again, right where Andrew's shirt had ridden up to expose a sliver of pale skin. It looked most delicate to Neil, who didn't dare to press harder than a gentle caress, simply holding the other.
Because of the lack of effort Andrew showed on court, people tended to forget how strong he was. Tracing the sculpted lines of his body, Neil had no doubt Andrew was a true athlete. He benched more than Neil, which not only gave him toned arms but enough strength to overpower Neil and pin him at any given moment. It was reassuring, really. And freaking hot.
Not the main focus right now. He leaned back down to kiss Andrew softly, eyes falling close, Neil's thumb tracing the protruding bone of his hip. It had Andrew shuddering and bucking underneath him in a way that brought them some delicious friction back. When their kiss turned less innocent and more tongue and spit, Andrew raised his hips, bringing their crotches together. Both of them were still hard, even though their jeans. Neil couldn't help but moan at feeling Andrew, feeling what he did to Andrew, like this.
"Touch me," Andrew slurred against his lips. His fingers had returned into Neil's hair and tugged at it, maneuvering him this way and that. Between kisses, Neil cracked his eyes open.
"Are you sure?"
The answer came in form of a tug on his hair.
"You said you'd give it to me if I asked."
"I did," Neil confirmed breathlessly.
"Then why are you hesitating?"
Slowly, at a snails pace, Neil moved his hands on Andrew's hips, up and down, squeezing, testing. The motions made Andrew tense but not in a bad way. He even started to become a bit restless when Neil didn't touch him more, like he was fighting himself over what he wanted and what he could let himself get.
"You want me to touch you? Tell me yes."
"Yeah, yes, fuck," Andrew cursed. That yes was all he needed. Neil brought his thigh back in between Andrew's, slotting it right to his crotch, stopping and hovering short of his dick.
"Here?"
Andrew nodded.
"Only yes is yes, so yes or no?" Neil pressed. Andrew's brows knitted together, as they always did when he got pissed off.
"Fuck you. Yes, fucking yes, just- hm!"
Neil didn't dare blink. If he did, he'd miss it. The sight of Andrew's lips parting, shiny with spit from their kissing. His eyes widening before they fluttered upon the first contact of Neil's muscular thigh rubbing against his clothed dick. Andrew's hands shot out to hold Neil's wrist, just holding and keeping them where they held him, grounding himself.
"Yes. Like this."
Warmth spread in Neil's belly. This was about the highest praise he could get. Knowing he was making Andrew feel good was better than anything else. Neil would gladly get him off like this, whatever he was allowed to do, whatever would make Andrew keep looking up at him like this. He felt powerful and at his mercy all at once. Hell, Neil could cum like this he thought even before their hips connected properly, Andrew's leg pushing between his to retaliate.
They ground against each other, sharing kisses and breath and sounds, Neil's louder and Andrew's softer. He drank them all up, put them to memory because they were his. Possessiveness was an ugly feeling but it was only natural. His heart pounded in his chest hard enough to hurt when Andrew moved Neil's right hand off his hips and in between them, guiding it to where his thigh and Andrew's crotch made contact. Neil's heart skipped a beat.
"Andrew—"
The blond's other hand grabbed Neil's face, squishing his cheeks.
"Do not 'Andrew' me now or I swear I will make you regret it." His voice lacked the usual bite just above a whisper but it was still firm.
"But–"
"I will give you a truth, alright? I want you so much it horrifies me. I have no idea how to go about this, but I want it. I want it all. You always take what I offer. Now give. Prove to me you are not like any of them."
"I'm scared," Neil admitted.
"You're stupid," Andrew said, "that's why you're with me."
"I'm with you because I love you."
Neil had blurted the words out without thinking. He's thought them many times now, but he never said them out loud before. Andrew considered him for a long time, studying his face with a thoughtful expression before slowly repeating, "touch me. Make it good."
With that Andrew released the grip he had on Neil's curls and leaned back into the pillows. Neil splayed his fingers out, feeling Andrew's warmth spread through his clothes as he toyed with the fly of his jeans.
"Okay?"
He received a nod and undid the button, then pulled down the zipper. He was about to ask again but Andrew already raised his hips to shimmy out of his pants, only briefly hesitating before discarding his briefs as well. It knocked the breath from Neil's lungs harder than any of Kevin's drills on court ever could. Andrew was… stunning. Neil had seen him vulnerable, had seen his scars and heard his past but being entrusted this was a while new thing.
"Staring again." The words came out breathless. Neil's mouth twitched before he could help himself.
"You're just so pretty."
Neil didn't miss how Andrew's breath hitched and his abs tensed. A flush spread from his neck down to his chest, covered by his shirt.
"Am I allowed to say that?"
"Yes."
Without looking away from Andrew's face, Neil slipped his palms up a pair of thighs, feeling the jagged skin beneath his fingertips. He didn't comment on it, simply took in the feel. When he wasn't stopped, he proceeded up higher.
"Okay. Because it's true. You're so beautiful."
Andrew let his head tilt back with a sigh.
"Keep going."
Neil felt bold, so leaned down to kiss his craned neck while he brushed his knuckles against the underside of Andrew's cock, watching it twitch upon contact. The motion made him greedy and had him wondering. Was his own skin this soft? Did Andrew's heart race the same when he touched Neil this way? He loosely wrapped his fingers around the shaft and started stroking, his grip delicate. He feared anything more could set Andrew off and he wanted to avoid that at all cost.
"Feels so good."
Another shudder. Neil kissed Andrew's collarbone peeking out from underneath his shirt and glanced down at his own hand, at the pre pealing at the tip of Andrew's hot cock. A thought manifested. His pants felt too tight all of a sudden, his own length pressing against the restrain of his pants. Neil pointedly ignored it, overcome by the urge to please and draw more of these sweet, tiny sounds from Andrew. Neil kissed below his ear and Andrew responded by holding him close, fingers pressing down in his nape.
"I want to put my mouth on you. Yes or no?"
"Yes."
It came faster than Neil was prepared for. He wanted to ask a second time but Andrew already spread his legs and… oh. Oh what a sight that was. Neil settled into his stomach, face a hair's breath from Andrew's cock. Brown eyes watches his every move and it occurred to Neil that he had no idea what to do.
"Just watch your teeth," Andrew croaked out, watching him, and Neil nodded before leaning in to lick the head, his blue gaze never leaving Andrew's. Neil's cheeks flushed but he kept going, tasting the salty tang of Andrew on his tongue. It wasn't a bad taste. It wasn't bad at all.
The times when Andrew had blown him just to pull him into the filthiest tongue kiss just to make Neil taste himself had been admittedly very hot so Neil knew he wasn't opposed to it. Getting to taste Andrew, however, was different. Better. A low hum built in the back of Neil's throat, making Andrew's hips twitch once it tumbled out. With his hands shaking from nerves and excitement, Neil sucked at the head, careful to not let his teeth graze skin. He felt like a newbie on court, not quite sure where to look, how to move, what to do, but the intense look he received from Andrew when he hollowed his cheeks and sucked egged him on. He slid down two more inches before pulling back, slowly building a rhythm. His cheeks burned and his fingers only stopped shaking uncontrollably because he splayed them out and caressed Andrew's soft thighs with them.
"Look at you," Andrew said, his voice unlike how Neil ever heard it sound before. It was soft between pants, breathy and lacking any sharp sting it usually carried. Neil found he liked it a lot. With a little 'pop' he slid off to take a deep breath.
"What do I look like?" he asked, not waiting for a reply before diving right back in, one hand wrapping around the base of Andrew's cock to hold him while his lips slid back down around it. It took Andrew three tries to get the word out and when he did the sound was chocked.
"Pathetic."
Neil smirked and bobbed his head. He built a steady rhythm like that, alternating between a quicker and slower pace, finding out what Andrew liked better while trying to mirror what he usually did to Neil. Whenever he flicked the head with his tongue Andrew's abs tensed, but not in a bad way. His breath hitched and his eyes fluttered close, hands digging into the sheets until eventually, they slid into his hair. Neil sighed.
He ignored the strain in his jaw, the pulsing of his hard cock trapped between his body and the mattress. All that mattered in this moment was Andrew; His pleasure, his comfort. Neil still couldn't believe he was allowed to do this, that Andrew was letting him, trusting him enough to let him in. That was the biggest turn on. Trust really came a long way.
When Neil took him as deep as he could without choking, Andrew's eyes finally fluttered close and his head ripped to the side, hiding one half in his pillow. He bent his knees and planted his feet into the mattress, using his newfound leverage to rock up his hips into Neil's mouth. The latter sputtered slightly but quickly adjusted, his hands sliding from Andrew's thighs so he could move and wrap his arms around his legs, just hovering there until Andrew met his eyes again and nodded. That was the moment Neil almost came in his pants, if it haven't been for Andrew finally losing control and thrusting into his mouth, pulling Neil in by the hair so they met halfway, the sound of the wet slide and their guttural sounds filling the room.
Neil felt stupid for ever believing Andrew was silent. The blond was writhing on top of the mattress, hips jerking, head moving from left to right, heavy pants and small grunts leaving him with every exhale. When Neil looked up his face was flushed and his pupils blown, a sheen of sweat covering his pale skin. It was the best thing Neil ever laid his eyes upon.
He knew he probably was no good. It was his first time doing this to someone so he went by instinct and what he'd witnessed Andrew do to him. Andrew was definitely better at suppressing his gag reflex and he wasn't nearly as messy as Neil was, drooling and gagging all over him, but he didn't swat Neil away yet so he counted that as a win and kept going, licking the head and taking a deep breath before sinking down again.
Despite his throat feeling raw and tears building in his eyes, Neil couldn't find it in him to stop. Not when he could feel Andrew twitch on his tongue, not when his grip on Neil's hair tightened and he stilled for a moment entirely before a raw, proper moan left him and he arched his back. He was close, so goddamn close and Neil was too, humping his hips against the mattress like a desperate animal. He wanted to make Andrew come, wanted to watch him shiver and shake and go boneless.
Just then Andrew spat out a mix of a curse and Neil's name, sitting up and curling around Neil's frame as he came with a suppressed grunt. Neil's eyes rolled back. He had half his mind left to try and swallow when his own orgasm hit him and he came in his pants. It might be the only reason Neil didn't choke at the cum in his mouth but he managed to swallow most. When he was done and Andrew went boneless underneath him, he sat back on his haunches and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Andrew grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him close, chest still heaving. The kiss they shared was messy and languid. Neil held Andrew like his most precious possession and Andrew, in return, cling to Neil like a lifeline.
"Thank you," Andrew muttered against his lips, voice thick with unshed tears. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
That was another first. Neil buried his face in the crook of Andrew's neck and breathed in his scent. For a few seconds they lay together like this, pressed body to body. Then Andrew rolled them over, hands moving to undo Neil's pants.
"Let me."
"I, uhm…" Neil laughed sheepishly, "I already… you know."
Andrew stilled and crooked a brow at him.
"From sucking me off?"
Neil shrugged and looked away, teeth in his lip. Andrew laughed.
"Wow. You're pathetic."
"Hey!"
Neil moved to shove him but Andrew already hopped off the bed to get them some clean clothes. They changed in silence and when they were done, Andrew lit them a cigarette they shared on the windowsill over their bed. Where Neil remained in his new boxers and shirt, Andrew had put on some joggers. They made him look soft, despite the sharp light of the lit cigarette. It must be the afterglow still clinging to him.
"Don't expect me to be able to let you in all the time."
Andrew looked out of the window but Neil knew it was directed at him. He stole the cigarette from Andrew's fingers and took a drag, their eyes meeting over the slight glimmer at the end of it.
"I don't."
"I want to." Andrew gulped, voice rough like gravel. "It will take time. It might not happen at all."
Neil blew out the smoke.
"That's okay. Whatever you want. Just say the word."
He received a nod. Andrew got off the windowsill and made himself comfortable on the mattress. Neil out out the rest of the cigarette and left it by the window when Andrew opened his arms.
"Come."
It was less question and more command but Neil didn't care. Andrew never had to ask. Neil scooted over and moved to turn his back to Andrew, his leg angled for Andrew to fit right behind him like he did every night. When he didn't immediately feel the other's weight on him, Neil glanced over his shoulder.
"Like this?"
"No. I mean yes, it's always yes like this. But…hold me?"
Neil rolled over without further question. Andrew didn't turn but instead shuffled closer so could rest his head against Neil's chest. The rest of their bodies wasn't touching but having Andrew snuggle up to him like this was more than enough. He watched Andrew slip a hand underneath his shirt and close his eyes. In this moment Neil felt bigger than he ever felt.
It's been silent for a few minutes when Andrew's low voice tore Neil's from his beginning sleep.
"Me too."
Neil blinked in confusion.
"What?"
"What you said earlier. Me too."
It was all Andrew said, but he understood. I love you too. That night Neil fell asleep with a big smile on his face and his boyfriend in his arms.