Chapter Text
“Moony?”
Remus Lupin looked up at the voice, abandoning his revision in favour of talking to James Potter who looked genuinely nervous to speak to him. (Ignoring the fact that James had come to the library to talk to him when he and Sirius only went there when they were researching for a prank and even then they went together and brought Peter Pettigrew along with them—they never voluntarily joined Remus in his studying).
“Hello. Are you alright?” He asked. “Is Sirius?” He added. (Merlin. He was sure that, were James not looking so harried, he may have noticed the way he thought and spoke about Sirius continually).
James settled in the seat next to him, running his hands through his hair over and over. While Sirius (Remus could not help thinking about what his best friend would do—sigh) would have snapped by now and asked James to just “spit it out”, Remus, who was the most patient of his friends, just waited patiently for James to say whatever it was he was so nervous to say.
“You know what you told me last week?” He mumbled at last.
“What did I tell you?” Remus replied. He couldn’t be trusted to remember every single conversation he’d had a week ago, and, even if he did remember, he couldn’t be expected to be able to determine which specific conversation James was referring to just from his tone of voice.
James reached out and rested his hand over Remus’. “You know, what you told me? About this.” He curled his fingers round Remus’ own.
“Oh.”
Of course he remembered that conversation, now! He’d been dreadfully nervous. Probably just as nervous as he had been when his friends first found out about his lycanthropy and were asking him the facts and myths of the condition.
He had found James at the quidditch pitch while Sirius was with McGonagall and Peter with Pandora. He’d started by explaining that he had been wanting to tell someone this for years. But he was already so different to everyone else.
James had pulled him into a hug as he randomly (and inevitably) started crying. Remus had whispered, so very shakily, that he was queer. That he’d never liked a girl; only boys. (He hadn’t said that he’d only really ever liked one particular boy, for that boy was Sirius—of course—and James was so close to them both that he would have figured Remus’ secret out).
“Yeah. What about it?”
Maybe James had figured out his crush?
Maybe he had hinted to Sirius that his best friend was into him and James had wanted to warn him that Sirius was disgusted by him??
James certainly looked horrified about something.
“Um, yeah, I also—Well, I also um… I didn’t say anything because you were very upset and—”
Huh, wait—maybe he was with Sirius? “oh!” He choked out.
James did often fall asleep in Sirius’ bed after all (or vice versa). Remus had never taken this too hard because of Lily.
Oh!
“But—but Lily!” He exclaimed.
Wait!
What if James liked him!
“I like girls too.” James said, but Remus was too concerned with his previous thought.
Merlin, if he had to turn down James Potter…
“But I like boys as well.”
“Does Sirius know?” He asked, just to fill the gap.
James pulled his hand away, adjusting his glasses so they wouldn’t fall down his nose and all the way off.
“No,” his friend sighed.
“You told me before Sirius? Why?”
“I just…” James looked over at the corner of the room where a group of Slytherins were currently residing.
“Do you fancy me?”
James shook his head. “No, sorry.” He blushed, adding, “sorry, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea, Moony.”
He whispered desperately, “Sirius then?”
James snorted, “no, eww, Remus, he’s my brother.”
Remus let out a relieved breath, his heart rate beginning to slow back down at once.
“Then why would you tell me and not him about your sexuality?” He asked eventually.
“Because then he might notice!” James blurted, before clapping his hand over his mouth.
“Notice what?”
“The way I look at..”
Remus followed the boy’s brown eyes.
“Regulus.”
James nodded mutely.
“Bloody hell.”
“I know! I know mate. Padfoot would hex my hair off!”
Remus smiled fondly. “Yeah, he would.”
“So…you’re fine with it? With me—?”
“Yes. But you know I’d have had to kill you if you liked Sirius.”
“What? Why?”
“James…” Remus huffed. Then he pulled up his sleeve to reveal the paw print tattoo on his wrist that Sirius had begged Remus to get when he’d been getting his first tattoo so that they’d get one together (he had suggested something rude, of course—Remus thought fondly—but Remus had compromised by getting something that was unique to them both).
“Oh! Oh my—fuck. I—I can’t believe I didn’t realise!”
James stopped his incessant glancing at Sirius’ brother at last.
“Do you love him?” James placed his hand on Remus’ arm.
Did he love him?
Remus laughed, “I love Sirius so flipping badly, you’ve no idea, Prongs.”
“I do have some idea,” James told him kindly, “I know what it’s like to love someone like him. They are so—so damaged, so mysterious, so funny, so beautiful.”
Remus stood up and James mirrored him.
They embraced.
Remus muttered, “so fucking gorgeous.”
James echoed his sentiment, adding, “if Sirius weren’t my brother first and foremost then I probably would…” he pulled away, looking apologetically at his friend.
Remus puffed out a sigh, “if he wasn’t always snogging girls I would have kissed him years ago. Even if he flipped me off over it.”
James nodded. “And if he,” he jerked his head slightly towards the Slytherin corner, “wasn’t Sirius’ brother and I risked the closest friendship I’ve ever had, no offence to you, Moony, of course… I would have done the same…”
“We’re hopeless.”
“So hopeless,” James agreed at once.