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Bernie Wolfe has screwed it up again. She might argue it was inevitable since she was involved. She had just managed to rekindled her budding romance with Serena and now it had all gone to Hell again: Cameron’s presence on the ward had brought her two very separate words crashing down around her ears.
Cameron knew of course, before even the two women themselves, that there was something there. He had made Bernie re-evaluate her feelings for the brunette and was one of the reasons she had come to realise that she loved Serena. However, having him see first hand that they were now in a relationship was not an option. She couldn’t run this time, so she did the next best thing.
“Serena, I think it would be better to cool things down between us, at least at work. We don’t need everyone knowing all about our relationship.” Bernie wouldn’t look her in the eye, never a good sign.
“It might be difficult for them not to know, given our little performance in here your first day back.” Serena reasoned that everyone knew by now anyway.
Normally this type of conversation would panic her into thinking Bernie was trying to push her away. Leading her to do something foolish out of fear of losing her: like chasing her down as she ran off the ward to Kiev, begging her to stay. This time Serena was hurt and angry, if this was how it was always going to be, she’d had enough.
“You want me to be some sort of dirty little secret, is that it? You’re ashamed.” Serena was seething. “I am not hiding like we’re doing something wrong, do you hear me?” Anger twisted her features and burned in her gut, Bernie really wanted to reach out to her but she was rooted to the spot by her steely glare.
“You know what Bernie? There are only so many times I can do this. I’m too old to play games. I want to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. I want to be in love and for the other person to be in love with me. I want to hold hands and kiss and make love. I don’t want to pretend. I want romance and affection. I want to go out and stay in, whether we’re huddled together on the sofa watching old movies or having dinner by candlelight at some restaurant somewhere, holding hands across the table. I wanted those things with you. But I can’t wait forever for us to be on the same page. When we might never be.” Serena wanted to burst into tears but that wouldn’t change anything.
“The problem with always running away, Bernie, is eventually no one tries to stop you anymore. I’m not chasing after you this time.” The finality of Serena’s words shocked them both. Their hearts breaking.
Serena had to get away from Bernie then. She couldn’t stand to look at her. Wasn’t sure her resolve would hold for much longer if she stayed. So she did what Bernie would have done if she could move, she ran away.
Bernie wanted to go after her but her legs felt like lead. Maybe it was better this way. Serena deserved all those things, deserved someone who could give them to her. Not some broken, hollowed out excuse of a human being. Who saw happiness and felt compelled to destroy it. Her heart could cope with losing Serena if she thought she was giving the brunette an opportunity of a normal, happy life. Even if it wasn’t with her.
Oh God what have I done? I don’t want her to be with someone else... Bernie felt her body move of its own accord, to find Serena and make this right.
She was stopped by a sharp knock on the office door. “Come in.” she called out, Serena was unlikely to knock on their own door so it wouldn’t be her.
“Is everything ok, Mum?” Cameron looked genuinely concerned. “It’s just I saw Ms. Campbell, I mean Serena, leave just now. She seemed pretty upset. Have you had a row?” he looked at his Mum and knew something had happened, she seemed deflated. Bernie almost crumbled then but she caught herself just in time. Good old British reserve.
“Everything’s fine Cam. Just a disagreement over treatment of a patient, that’s all.” Bernie lied, she was good at it. It was what she did.
“She’s great Mum. You should hang on to that one.” He smiled his lopsided smile, much like her own, she thought. “What she did for me when I was in the car accident, lying for both of us, even though it could have cost her everything. She must really love you.”
“Yes, she’s a good friend.” Bernie almost choked on the word. She was more than my friend and now...
“That’s not what I meant, Mum and you know it. Don’t let some lover’s tiff linger, fix this.”
“Lover?” Bernie floundered. How did he know?
“Come on!” his abruptness made Bernie jump. “Even if everyone wasn’t talking about you two, I’m not blind or stupid. It’s obvious that you love her. The only problem is, it might not be so obvious to her.”
If Cameron already knew and was ok with them, then she’d just made a horrible mistake and Serena had been hurt for nothing. Cameron was right, she needed to find Serena. Fix it.