Chapter Text
The funeral service was strange, but nice.
It was Ragatha who had suggested they arrange one in order to celebrate the memory of Jax. It was tradition by now, and everyone seemed to be in agreement that it would be a fair sendoff to the now gone member of the circus.
Caine offered to set up but everyone seemed hesitant to help. They did, however, allow him to attend. This was the first funeral hosted that Caine had attended, and Pomni could sense the awkwardness emanating from him. It reminded her of when she attended Kaufmo’s funeral.
The circus members stood in front of the familiar wooden stage in front of the yellow wooden chest. Zooble had dragged it out of storage and placed a few vases on top filled with origami flowers. In the middle, a picture frame was displayed, holding a photograph of Jax. It was provided by pomni.
Jax had taken photos during their teamup, and she’d managed to steal it at one point and take one of her own. This was her photo.
Pomni hadn’t been to a funeral since Kaufmo’s abstraction. That service had been very nice, but it had felt so strange to be present since she never really knew him. She’d felt very out of place, but still touched knowing that no one here risked being forgotten.
This was different. Attending this one had her hurting really bad.
The circus felt so much quieter without the purple rabbit yapping their ears off, and not in a good way. It was like there was a deathly curtain of silence that blanketed over the circus. The tension was palpable.
On the surface everyone seemed to come together, but it was only skin deep. Everyone took their turn saying their piece, but Pomni noticed it seemed hard for everyone else to say nice things about him. She couldn’t really blame them either. Jax had hurt a lot of people, and probably had been long before she arrived.
That didn’t mean they wanted him to leave though.
Ragatha was sad he never opened up.
Zooble was disappointed that he gave up.
Gangle was upset she never got justice.
Kinger felt defeated that he never got to offer any helpful advice.
Finally, it was Pomni’s turn to speak. She walked up next to the photograph, taking her time to consider what to say.
What should she say? What was she sad she’d never get to do?
She stared at the floor, thinking her words over. If she had to choose, she was most upset Jax never got closure. Not really.
“Jax was very closed off.” She began. A lump started to form in her throat as she talked.
“I thought maybe if I pushed hard enough, that I could be a good friend. I thought maybe if we became good friends, then he could make friends with you all too.” She looked over at the photograph, holding back tears.
“I see now that one person can’t shoulder that. You can’t pull someone out of their struggles for them, they have to be the one to do it themself. I offered support as a friend and that’s all I could do.” She turned to look at her hands, fidgeting with her thumbs.
“Um… sorry. I’m not really good at this kind of thing.”
“It’s okay, Pomni. You don’t need to say anything more if you don’t want to.” Ragatha assured her. Pomni could only stare at the photo.
And that was that.
One by one, each member of the circus left. Either to deal with their emotions or to move on with the day.
Caine and Pomni were the last to linger around the photo, Caine having offered to take everything down so that the humans could rest.
But Pomni couldn’t bring herself to leave, not yet.
After a period of silence, she turned to Caine.
“How are you feeling about this? You didn’t speak in front of everyone.” She asked quietly.
Caine’s eyes lifted to look at her.
“Well, er… I didn’t think it was my place. I’m not sure I’m able to process grief in the same way humans do. It’s a simulation of the feeling for me, so I can’t really experience the feeling myself.”
“Oh. Right.” She turned away.
“But… seeing him like this does make me feel sad. He seemed to enjoy some of my adventures before… well…”
Another awkward silence broke between them, Pomni shifting uncomfortably.
“Sorry. This is all new to me…” He apologized.
Pomni nodded. She couldn’t fault him for that. Caine was genuinely trying and learning. Maybe one day things would be normal, and they could all get along with him. That would be nice, right? She had to think positively. If she didn’t try, she wasn’t sure what she’d do.
“Do you know how it works?” She asked suddenly.
“Hm?”
“Abstraction, I mean. They’re still alive and moving, so they’re not dead. But their minds aren’t entirely there either. I want to know if they ever find peace.”
Or if all that’s left is pain.
“Ah.”
Caine seemed to process the question for a moment, considering how to explain it.
“I’ll admit I never spent much time studying the abstracted humans, as I spent all my time preparing adventures. From what I could gather from their files, the folders became corrupted and cluttered with excess information. There was too much for the mind to process that the person couldn’t comprehend it, thus creating an abstract idea. It’s experiencing everything, yet nothing, all at once.”
Folders. Right. Because at the end of the day they were just data created by brain scans… Pomni tried not to let that concept consume her thoughts and instead focused on what Caine was saying.
“Just like how a computer can contract a virus, abstraction functions similarly.” He continued.
“But a computer virus can be reversed, right?” She pointed out.
“Er, well. Yes. Sometimes. It depends on how severe the damage is. Isolating a machine to clear a virus is different from dissecting a human mind.” Caine explained. Pomni hung onto his words as he spoke.
“The more severe the damage to their psyche, the more severe the abstraction. Each abstraction may look similar, but the type of damage they received is different. It's unique to the individual.” Caine tapped his chin in thought.
“You know… I’ve been pondering it lately, and I make no promises but…”
Caine turns to her.
“I might have some ideas on reversing abstraction.”
Pomni’s heart thumped in her chest.
A real chance at curing abstraction?
“Really?”
Caine nodded. Pomni let out a breathy sigh, a tiny, exhausted smile crossing her features. She sniffled a little.
Jax could come back?
“Caine. That would be incredible. We have to tell everyone-“ Pomni started to turn away to grab the others, but Caine stopped her, grabbing her by the wrist.
“I don’t think we should just yet.” he advised.
“Why not?”
Caine’s toothy “eyebrows” started to furrow.
“With the way everyone spoke at the funeral… I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just yet. It would crush them if I couldn’t get it to work”
Pomni was confused.
“So then, why tell me at all?”
“You’re the only one to have gone inside the head of the abstracted and survive.”
Caine crossed his arms behind his back.
“I’ve seen it happen before. A long time ago, during Scratch’s abstraction, another human tried to pull him out of it…”
Caine grimaced.
“… Only to also become abstracted in the process.”
Pomni’s eyes widened, looking down at her hands.
Would that have happened if she’d stayed in Jax’s mind a minute longer?
“The only person who came as close as you did was Kinger. “
Her attention was caught at that.
“Could we tell Kinger then, at least? He has coding experience. Maybe he can help us.” She reasoned. Caine didn’t look quite convinced yet.
“I’ll… consider it. I’m not so sure if he wants to see me right now.” Caine frowned.
Pomni placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Give it time. We’ve got nothing but that, right?”
Caine seemed to cheer up a little at that notion. He smiled. Pomni returned the gesture.
“Um. Don’t worry about cleaning up. I need a few more minutes here. I want to do one last thing.” She said, suddenly looking a bit sheepish.
“Very well. I’ll let you know when I have more news for you regarding the ‘you know what’.”
She nodded and Caine began to float away before disappearing.
Pomni approached the picture once again, standing in front of it.
“It feels so weird to mourn you when you’re just a short walk across the circus, y'know."
The picture doesn’t respond. She chuckles softly to herself, sniffling.
“If you were here, you’d probably tease me and call me nuts right now for talking to a photo like this. And you’d be right. Maybe I am a little nuts.”
Pomni took a deep breath in, attempting to manifest something. In her hands appeared a flower; a daisy. She placed it gently in front of the photo.
“If there’s even a sliver of a chance we can bring you back, I want to try. You may not believe it but you’re worth fighting for.”
And then she started to cry. Warbled through her tears, she began to sing.
“Daisy, Daisy… give me your answer do… I’m half-crazy all for the love of you… it won’t be a stylish marriage… I can’t afford a carriage… but you’d look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle meant for two…”
Her sobs reverberated across the room.
~~~~~
Hours after crying her heart out, Pomni found herself back in her bedroom, laying across her bed and staring up at the ceiling.
You’re the only one to have gone inside the head of the abstracted and survive.
Caine's words echoed inside Pomni’s head. What had made her so special that she was able to pull it off? It couldn’t just be pure willpower, right?
Pomni never thought of herself as special, she was as normal as they came. Or, well, that’s what she used to think at least. That’s the person Abigail was. Pomni wondered where the differences started and the similarities ended. Was Abi as brave as she was or was she simply an inferior version of the human?
There was a knock on her door, interrupting her thoughts. She sat up to answer. As she opened it, she was greeted by none other than Ragatha.
“Hey Pomni.” She greeted her with a small smile.
“Hey.” She echoed tiredly.
In typical Ragatha fashion, Pomni guessed she was here to check up on her.
“How are you holding up?” She asked, her tone forcefully chipper.
Right on the money.
“I’m… here, I guess.” She shrugged. Ragatha frowned.
“I know you and Jax got close. Up until the.. well.. I don’t think I have to say it.” Ragatha rubbed her arm, glancing off to the side.
“Were we? I feel like I barely got to know him at all.” Pomni frowned, lip trembling. Tears threatened to spill again.
“And I probably never will.”
“Oh Pomni…” Ragatha stepped forward to embrace her. Pomni hugged back gently.
“Jax kept everyone at an arm’s length after Ribbit’s abstraction. What I can’t understand is why.” Ragatha said.
Pomni knew, but it wasn’t her secret to share. If what Caine had said was true, then Jax might have the chance to say it himself.
She couldn’t confide in her just yet though.
~~~~
Days went by before she saw Caine again. She was greeted by a knock on her door. She seemed a bit hopeful upon coming face to face with him.
“Got a sec?” He asked. She shrugged.
“I wasn’t really doing anything else…” She’d spent the last few days moping around in bed antisocially. She still came out for meals and spent time with everyone, but it was significantly less than she would’ve liked. She just didn’t have it in her to be around people right now.
She hoped that everyone understood and didn’t take it personally. She just needed the time to herself to recover.
“I want to try something later tonight. Can you meet me by Jax’s tent at say… around midnight?”
Pomni’s eyes snapped to his. Did he finally have a plan? Something he could try? For the first time in days, she felt hopeful.
“Um. Yes- Yes! Midnight you said?”
Caine nodded. “Yes. I still haven’t spoken to the others yet, it’ll just be you and me. The lights will be off so that no one will disturb us.”
Holy shit. This was really happening.
“Okay. Let’s do it.”