Chapter Text
“I don’t think I’ve slept in the past 60 hours,” Tobin says, flinging herself onto Cheney’s bed with the force of a battering ram. “Jet lag is the worst.”
“That’s the candy and caffeine talking, not the jet lag,” Cheney says, gently pushing Tobin off of her right leg. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you and Casey hanging around the vending machines. What happens when you empty the thing?”
“It’s mostly Casey’s doing,” Tobin says petulantly. As much as she loves Lauren, she sometimes feels like she’s being chided by her mother whenever she does anything to raise the slightest of eyebrows. “She’s got this diet Coke addiction and it would be rude to make her go alone.”
“That definitely explains the three bags of candy I found under your pillow,” Cheney says archly, finally setting down her book and leaning forwards, staring down at Tobin with great scrutiny. “Tobin, you look like you haven’t slept in a month. What’s going on?”
Tobin shrugs, thinking of everything that’s gone on since they arrived at camp. They’ve got the U20 Word Cup coming up, and between all of the practicing and the teenage girl camp shenanigans going on, it’s been exhausting. No one’s been getting enough sleep, fueled by coffee and adrenaline, but Tobin knows that she’s in particularly bad shape. She’s not sure what’s been keeping her up at night, but hanging out in everyone else’s hotel rooms so Cheney doesn’t have to bear witness to her insomnia is her solution for the time being.
“Is everything okay at home?” Cheney asks, and when Tobin nods resolutely, the way Lauren smushes her into the bed with a tight hug feels amazing. It comforts Tobin, helps remind her that whatever she’s struggling with will pass, and everything is only temporary. She can get through this.
“Everything is fine,” Tobin mumbles once Cheney finally loosens her mama bear grip. “I’m doing really well. With everything.”
“Alright,” Cheney says, sitting up and smoothing out her ponytail. “Well. How about we go to dinner with everyone and instead of staying up all night with Casey and everyone else, you have a quiet early night with me?”
Tobin groans, but Lauren isn’t having any of it.
“You need to sleep,” she says firmly. “No more movie marathons and playing Never Have I Ever.”
“We don’t even play that, Cheney!” Tobin protests, scrambling up from the bed as Lauren begins putting on a pair of sneakers. “Come on, get with the program. It’s Truth or Dare, duh.”
“How could I forget,” Cheney says rhetorically, rolling her eyes.
“You should come with us one night,” Tobin insists, nudging Cheney with her elbow as she makes her way over to where she ditched her own shoes. She thinks it’s pointless to wear them inside the hotel, but a pair of flip flops is the least she can do to quell the constant complaining from Kelley, who seems to have a special place in her heart reserved for the hatred of Tobin’s feet. “Have fun. You and Amy should come. It’s not a bad time, I promise.”
“Amy and I do have fun,” Cheney declares.
Tobin just resolves to try harder next time.
Because she’s with Cheney, Tobin ends up arriving to dinner early. Normally she’s one of the stragglers, complaining about being left with the scraps of chicken and the cold vegetables, but today she’s able to load up her plate with the good stuff and dig in with Cheney as everyone else steadily fills the room. Amy ends up sitting on Tobin’s other side, and she enjoys listening to the two of them talk over her. Tobin may have a tendency to get loud when she’s with her friends, but there’s something calming about being with Cheney and Amy. She always has a good time with them, has always been close to them, and might be the third musketeer, but she’s always been the first to drift away and hang out with some of the other girls. Maybe Lauren’s right – maybe Tobin needs a quiet night in for once.
Kelley is one of the girls to sit down across the table from Tobin, and she’s quick to get loud and create a ruckus. It’s just how Kelley is, and Tobin has to admit that she’s been a participant of Kelley’s nonsense more times than she can count. They’ve known each other for more than a few years now, and every time they hang out together it’s just like old times, like they’re still barely teenagers and giggling in the middle of the night. Really, nothing has changed.
“Hey, Tobin, want one of my Poptarts?” Kelley asks, flinging a silver packet across the table. Tobin only barely managed to catch it by the skin of her teeth, fingertips fumbling as she laughs and registers the disgruntled look on Casey’s face.
“You promised me that!” Casey exclaims, slamming her silverware down on the tablecloth. “What the hell, O’Hara?”
Kelley snickers as Cheney calmly takes the packet from Tobin.
“Come on, Kelley,” Cheney says. “Don’t tease Casey like that.”
“Thank you, Cheney,” Casey says gratefully, reaching a hand across the table. “I was really looking forward to that. Kelley’s been hoarding all the s’mores ones, which you know are the best.”
“Not so fast,” Cheney says, ripping the silver packaging open. “I’ve been exercising a lot of self-control in preparation of access to Kelley’s food stash. I’m keeping this baby for myself.”
Amy laughs loudly while Tobin joins the rest of the table in groaning, watching Cheney break off a piece of crushed pastry and grin at everyone as she eats it.
“This is so unfair,” Kelley says, staring at Cheney with a forkful of salad halfway to her mouth. “It was not meant to end this way.”
“You should have just given it to me in the first place!” Casey hisses, hitting Kelley in her bicep.
Kelley glares at Casey.
“It was for Tobin,” Kelley says, smiling saccharinely at Tobin from across the table. It’s a funny smile, one that Tobin isn’t used to seeing.
“I’ve probably had enough junk food today,” Tobin admits, looking down at her plate to avoid Kelley’s gaze. She can’t help but sneak another look, though, one that she feels down to her toes. It’s like Kelley can see right through her, and for someone who’s normally remarkably unobservant, Kelley seems unfairly aware of how uncomfortable she’s making Tobin. “If I’m going to be honest. Cheney, I hope you’re enjoying that.”
She means for Cheney to speak up and steer the conversation in a different direction, but before she can, Kelley’s determinedly continuing on.
“Maybe tomorrow,” she suggests, a mischievous sparkle in her eye that Tobin doesn’t want to be intrigued by. “Save your sweet allowance for me, okay?”
“Okay,” is all that Tobin can say before finally someone comes to her rescue, in the form of Allie swinging around her blonde ponytail and whining about not having been saved a seat.
It’s weird, and Tobin isn’t exactly sure what’s going on. After dinner she takes a long shower and tries to shake it all from her mind, but she can’t get rid of the visual of Kelley smiling at her in a way that she never has before. Cheney showers after her, heading into the bathroom with a towel and threats of what she’ll do if Tobin sneaks off. She doesn’t need to bother – Tobin isn’t going anywhere. Instead she pulls out the knitting supplies shoved down in the bottom of her suitcase. She’d initially meant to pull them out earlier in the trip but hadn’t gotten a chance to, being busy with the girls the entire time.
Tobin’s still new to this, fumbling with the soft knit balls of yarn. She might have been a little ambitious with this, she thinks, playing with the dark blue and wondering if a blanket would have been easier than the cute beanie she’s attempting. When Cheney comes out of the shower and laughs, Tobin pouts.
“I’m trying my best!” she protests when Cheney picks up her work to examine.
“Tobin, Cinderella’s mice could have done a better job,” Cheney says, holding back deep belly laughs.
“Cinderella’s mice were magic mice,” Tobin grumbles, trying to snatch her knitting back. “They had an unfair advantage over me. All the instructions are for right-handed people which puts me at a distinct disadvantage here.”
“Just flip it all, switch it around,” Cheney says, rubbing at her hair with a towel. “Haven’t you been doing that your whole life, anyway?”
The comment, however innocent it might be, makes Tobin’s stomach do backflips. Her fingers slip, and the time it takes to right the knitting needles in her hands is spent hiding her embarrassed face from Cheney’s view. Thankfully, Lauren seems too worried with sifting through her nighttime things to pay attention to her.
They end up watching Lauren’s choice in television for an hour or two, Tobin splitting her attention between knitting and responding to Cheney’s comments about the show. It’s something gossipy that she probably watches with Amy normally, and Tobin spends the entire time squirming in her bed and feeling restless. They’ve been at camp for a few days now and she’s been avoiding the problem for the most part, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still bothering her. Keeping busy seemed like it was working, but now she’s stuck winding down with Cheney and it’s all come flooding back.
Tobin doesn’t want to relive it. She knits and picks at her stitches, far more meticulous than usual. She talks to Lauren, keeping herself occupied and her mind off of the way Kelley had acted at dinner. She doesn’t know why this is sticking with her. Things don’t usually bother her, she’s pretty good at getting over most things, but she can’t let this go. It’s stuck with her since last camp, and Tobin manages to keep the memories at bay just enough to keep going.
But then Cheney turns off the tv and starts to lay down in bed, and Tobin wishes she’d snuck out while she had the chance. She wishes that she wasn’t still wide awake, Cheney asking if it’s okay to turn the lights off while Tobin’s mind is still running a million miles an hour.
“Yeah, sure,” Tobin answers softly, pushing her hair out of her face and momentarily feeling like she’s really present, like she’s here in this room and not mostly in her own head. “Just let me put this away.”
So Tobin stashes her knitting back at the bottom of her bag before climbing back into bed and getting under the covers.
“Goodnight, Tobin,” Cheney says softly, switching off the light between their beds and sinking the room into darkness.
“Night, Cheney,” Tobin says back, turning on her side towards the wall and closing her eyes tight, like it might help her fall asleep fast enough to ward off the barrage of thoughts she’s so unwilling to deal with.
“I’m here if you need me, Tobin,” Lauren says, just as soft and just as gentle as ever. “I’m your friend, remember?”
“I know,” Tobin mumbles. “Thank you.”
Cheney falls asleep quickly, something Tobin can tell by the way her breathing evens out and slows. They’ve shared rooms more times than Tobin can count, and she knows her well enough to know when she’s fast asleep. Knowing that Cheney isn’t awake anymore though is disconcerting, and every last shred of self-control Tobin possesses is lost as she finally gives into the memory from a few months ago, at the last camp they’d all gone to together.
*
It’s cold outside and half the girls are bundled up in parkas, complaining about the wind chill as they slip on gloves and beanies and crowd together for warmth. Tobin is a bit of an exception to the rule, wondering exactly how cold blooded she is as she goes about her warm up in just a jacket. Sure, her fingertips are half frozen and the tip of her nose is numb, but she’s given into a hat just to prove that she is in fact a human and not the reptile that Kelley is accusing her of being.
“You’re like an alligator,” Kelley says, shivering on the spot as Tobin dribbles circles around her.
“I don’t think it works like that, Kell,” Tobin tells her. “Pretty sure being cold blooded means I’d be having a hard time with the weather like you are.”
Kelley pouts.
“How would you know more about alligators than I do?” she challenges. “I’m the one who lives in the south, not you.”
“I went to school, just like you,” Tobin reminds her. “Remembered a few things. By the way – I’m pretty sure standing still like that isn’t going to help you any. You’ve got to get moving, get the blood pumping.”
“Yeah, sure,” Kelley drawls sarcastically as her hair whips around her face in the wind. She keeps pulling at the strands with her thick, gloved fingers, trying to brush them out of her face to no avail. “That’s exactly what I want to be doing.”
“We’re here to practice,” Tobin says, stopping with her foot on the ball as other girls slowly begin to moan and groan as they’re forced off the sidelines. “Or at least, I’m here to practice.”
“I’m cold,” Kelley whines as she leans in towards Tobin, shoulders hunched in to protect her from the elements. “I’m used to the sun, Tobin.”
“I know,” Tobin says, eyes tracing the freckles on Kelley’s nose, visible now that she’s standing close. “But you can do this.”
“And what if I can’t?” Kelley says, and there’s something leading in her tone.
Tobin shrugs, and it’s like her hands are operating separately from their control center as they reach up, pulling strands of hair away from Kelley’s chapstick-slick lips.
“You looked a little silly with all that hair in your face,” Tobin explains as a smirk comes over Kelley’s expression. “Now come on. Be my drill partner?”
Kelley complains loudly but agrees reluctantly, protesting weakly as she kicks at the ground with her cleats.
“You always make me look like an idiot,” she bemoans as they join the rest of the girls, gathered around their coach in a circle.
“Not true,” Tobin says, trying to be helpful. “You’re good, Kelley. Very good. I just can’t help that I’m better.”
She shrugs as she says it, and Kelley wastes no time in shoving her sideways. Tobin cracks up silently as she crashes into Allie, who glares at her warningly before pointedly looking back at their coach.
Eventually, Kelley and Tobin are left to their own devices. Well, not exactly. They’re supposed to be running drills like everyone else, but they’re partnered up at the end of the pitch and there’s more trash talk going on than anything else as Tobin refuses to let Kelley steal the ball away.
“You’re such a ball hog,” Kelley huffs in frustration, the cold weather forgotten as she attempts to slide a leg between Tobin’s. Tobin laughs at that, making a clean getaway and leaving a determined Kelley in her wake.
“You didn’t have to be my partner,” Tobin reminds her.
“I think you might actually make me better,” Kelley grinds out, eyes locked on the ball. “I might suck next to you, but believe it or not, I’m better than most of the other girls out there.”
“I keep you on your toes,” Tobin says cheekily.
“That you do,” Kelley says, pausing for a second to wipe sweat from her brow. “But I keep you on yours too.”
Tobin isn’t sure if she pauses or if Kelley genuinely outplays her, but suddenly the ball is no longer at her feet and Kelley is juggling it a few feet away with a cocky smile on her face. She narrows her eyes at her, thinking that if this is how Kelley wants it, then this is how it’s going to be.
“I’m going to get you,” Tobin tells her.
“I’d like to see you try,” Kelley responds confidently.
From then on it’s a sweaty game full of the two of them trying to best each other, but there’s no clear answer by the time practice is over and they’re being called in. A small voice in the back of Tobin’s head wonders if maybe Kelley had been holding back on her in the beginning, but she shakes that off quickly and tells herself that Kelley wouldn’t do that. They’re all real competitors here, people that don’t know how to hold back.
On the van ride back to the hotel, Kelley and Tobin end up squished together in the very back row with Casey and Kling. It’s a tight fit and Kelley is nearly on top of Tobin, her thick parka still on and creating more of a claustrophobic effect. It’s overwhelming Tobin, with how much she can smell Kelley’s sweat and shampoo, along with the fact that she’s not quite over how good Kelley has gotten. She’s worked up and the way Kelley is shoved up against her isn’t really helping at all.
It’s not often that Tobin gets worked up like this, and she’s not sure she likes it. She’s not quite used to the way she’s feeling, the way she can’t stop tracing Kelley’s jawline with her eyes and wishing she would go ahead and take the damn parka off.
Back at the hotel, Amy and Lauren invite her to their room for a movie once they’re all showered. Tobin nods and agrees, making them promise not to start without her. She finds herself hanging back to talk to their coach about what she’d been doing during practice – she insists that her and Kelley make each other better players, and they’re leaving tomorrow anyway so they should be afforded a bit of fun – and when she gets to the elevator, she’s quickly joined by Kelley who is making her way out of the restrooms.
“Drank too much water,” Kelley explains.
“You’re still wearing that ridiculous parka,” Tobin says, quirking the side of her mouth as she scratches at the back of her head.
“It keeps me warm,” Kelley says defensively.
“We’re inside.”
“I’m from Georgia!” Kelley cries out.
Tobin grins at her, just so Kelley knows that she doesn’t mean anything by her teasing.
Tobin likes Kelley. She’s an awesome friend and she’s funny and is always good for a stash of food from home. They’ve known each other for a while and it’s nice, the rapport they have going whenever they see each other. It’s easy to lose touch in between camps, especially now that they’ve been so caught up with college plans and everything.
“Heard you might be going to Stanford,” Tobin says. “You little stud.”
“Oh stop,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “UNC has apparently been begging for you so it’s not like you don’t have something to brag about.”
“I would be a nice asset to their program,” Tobin hums as the elevator doors open.
“You’d be a nice asset to any program,” Kelley says, following her in.
Tobin leans against the back of the elevator as Kelley pushes the button for the fourth floor.
“I’m kind of a nice asset anywhere, aren’t I?” she says.
Kelley glances at the elevator doors as they begin to close.
“Tobin?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
Tobin is about to ask why – to push Kelley a little further, to make some comment about how it’s a pity they won’t end up at the same place – when suddenly Kelley is right in front of her, hands pressed to the wall above Tobin’s shoulders as the doors ding shut.
She knows it’s happening a solid few seconds before it happens, but that’s because Kelley hesitates. It’s like she’s looking for a go ahead, some kind of sign that this is okay and Tobin’s been reading the signs the same way she has. Tobin is terrified – she’s never done this before, never really kissed a girl and she suddenly has a very strong feeling that Kelley has – but she nods minutely and closes her eyes, breathing heavily and waiting for Kelley to seal the deal.
Kelley kisses her, her lips soft but cold from the dropping temperature. It’s a little messy as they try to align their mouths together but when they finally get it right, with Kelley’s bottom lip caught between Tobin’s, it’s worth the awkward fumbling. Tobin lands a hand on Kelley’s waist, unable to feel anything through the parka, but it makes Kelley lean further in to the kiss and press a hand to Tobin’s cheek, holding her there.
It’s not long, just long enough for the elevator to open on their floor. Kelley backs away slowly, moving just far enough to hold the doors open as she licks her lips and then grins at Tobin who feels paralyzed.
“Kell – “
“Come on out here,” Kelley interrupts, motioning out into the hallway. Tobin follows, more than wary of what Kelley is up to.
Once they’re in the hallway and the elevator doors are closed Kelley sends pointed glances down either end of the hallway before turning to Tobin.
“This is okay, right?” she asks.
“Yeah, but – “ Tobin starts to say but Kelley doesn’t give her time to finish speaking before she’s kissing her again.
This time, Tobin is prepared.
Kelley doesn’t waste any time, diving into the kiss with reckless abandon. She’s got her hands on Tobin’s waist to keep them steady as they stand in the middle of the hallway with Tobin swaying a little due to the force of the kiss. Tobin gives it back to Kelley, finding her footing with a hand on Kelley’s arm. She’s a little taller than Kelley but not enough so that it’s difficult for them to kiss, instead their lips lining up in a way that allows Kelley to go ahead and sneak out a tongue that smooths along Tobin’s bottom lip.
It’s a quality kiss. A plus, if Tobin had to give it a grade. Kelley tastes like sweat and her chapstick and it’s nice, something slightly feminine that Tobin thinks she could get used to. She can only pray that Kelley feels the same way because Tobin doesn’t want to stop. Thankfully Kelley seems to like it just as much, gently coaxing Tobin’s mouth open with her own until they’re just standing there, making out in the middle of the hotel where anyone could come up and see them at any time.
Perhaps that why Tobin stops, because as much as she doesn’t want to, she can’t shake the thought of the coaches coming up or the girls coming out of their rooms and seeing them under the horridly bright fluorescent lighting. As amazing as it is to kiss Kelley – really, Tobin is kind of marveling at how good Kelley is at this and a little insecure as to what Kelley thinks of the whole thing – Tobin isn’t sure that she wants this to leave the two of them for the time being. It’s new and Tobin is sure that as soon as she sits down and thinks about this, it’s going to feel a little scary.
Usually she’s pretty good at going with the flow, but this seems like something that she might actually have to deal with.
“That was something else,” Tobin says once they’re separated and Kelley is looking at her with a scrutinizing gaze, like she’s trying to figure something out.
“Pretty nice, huh?”
“Yeah,” Tobin says, hating the way her voice almost cracks in the middle of the word.
“Thank god I was reading things right,” Kelley says, and she almost sounds cocky. “I know you’ve been staring at me during practices.”
That manages to bring Tobin back to normal again, and she’s promptly rolling her eyes and delivering a smart retort.
“Like you haven’t been staring at me?” Tobin counters. “It can’t be a coincidence that we’ve been partners almost this entire camp.”
Kelley flushes such a deep red that Tobin almost feels bad for her.
“Shut up,” Kelley says tossing her ponytail over her shoulder and jerking a thumb down the hall. “We should probably get back to our rooms before our roommates start looking for us.”
So they separate.
*
The next morning, Tobin’s palms are sweating and she’s pretty sure she’s never been so anxious in her life. She’d been dreaming all night, dreams of running from monsters and villains and constantly tripping all over herself. She’s not stupid enough to wonder that the dreams mean, but they’d made for a restless sleep and as a result she’s downed three cups of coffee by the time they make it to their post-breakfast meeting. Jittery and tired isn’t a good look on Tobin, and she only feels worse when she gets there late enough to be forced into a seat up at the front and away from all her friends.
Of course, the only person later than her is Kelley, who slides into the seat next to her so casually that it’s like nothing ever happened between them.
“Hey,” Kelley whispers cheerfully as the powerpoint screen comes to life. “Missed you last night.”
“I hung out with Cheney,” Tobin explains, and Kelley nods in understanding.
“Do you think we could maybe talk later?” Kelley asks her voice still low.
Tobin’s brain freezes for a second.
“Be partners with me during conditioning,” Kelley tries to persuade her. “We’re camp buddies, aren’t we?”
Kelley has basically ignored her since the kiss with the exception of yesterday at dinner, but she has a point. For the most part, they’re camp buddies. So Tobin nods, earning herself one of Kelley’s bright smiles in return.
“Cool, cool,” Kelley says as she gets comfortable in her chair. “Awesome. Can't wait.”
Tobin’s stomach churns, and she’s regretting the coffee more than ever as their coach begins talking to them.
For once, she almost doesn’t want a meeting to end.