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They say that you never really learn your significance in life until you find your soulmate.
Phichit had thought it was a crock of shit up until he turned eighteen, waking on the morning of his birthday to find the neat script that curved over his breastbone, just above his heart.
His parents had been best friends too when they’d fallen in love, when they’d become soulmates. They’d grown together and when the universe blessed them with their names on each other’s skin, they knew it was destined since the beginning.
He just wished that he had a story like that to tell.
Everyone gets their soulmate mark when they turn eighteen. There was no dodging it, no avoiding it. Romantic relationships made before a person’s eighteenth birthday were frowned upon by the older generation, and Phichit could understand to a degree.
Why get your hopes up on someone who may or may not be your soulmate? He’d rather wait to find out and then spend his time with them.
(He wished that he hadn’t have waited.)
He woke the morning of his eighteenth birthday and darted to the bathroom that he shared with his best friend in their apartment in Detroit. Pushing the door shut with his foot, he stripped of his clothes quickly. Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he took a deep breath to calm himself before turning to face the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door.
Katsuki Yuuri was written across his left pec in neat Japanese kanji, the darkness of it standing out against his tanned skin. He felt his heart skip a beat as he stared in wonder, pressing a gentle hand to the marking.
Yuuri was his soulmate. He smiled at himself in the mirror, his brown eyes prickling with tears as he stared. His best friend was his soulmate. It was just like his parents before him.
(Only it never was.)
He wanted to keep it a secret, to surprise Yuuri on his birthday, when he got his name scrawled over his fair skin. He decided that he would, only smiling coyly at the Japanese man when he asked who his soulmate was.
“You’ll find out soon.” Phichit had cooed, his eyes flicking up at his friend as he watched him put his eyeliner on in the bathroom. Yuuri’s face screwed up into a tiny scowl, his glasses pushed up by the wrinkle in his nose.
“But I want to know now,” he whined, crossing his arms over his chest. Phichit laughed, closing his one eye to fan at it with his hand.
“I’ll tell you on your birthday,” he told him, his smile only growing when the man’s face heated up. “That way we can compare and fawn over our soulmates.”
Yuuri seemed a little appeased by that, leaning his shoulder against the doorway as Phichit turned back to the mirror to frame his other eye with a slick line of black. “Are they someone you know?”
Dark brown eyes met Phichit’s in the mirror and he felt his heart beat faster as Yuuri smiled. “Yeah, we both know him.”
“Ooh,” Yuuri teased, shuffling over to rest his head on Phichit’s shoulder. “Is he cute, Phichit-kun?”
He watched the blush rise in his own cheeks as he stared at his best friend through the mirror. “Yeah, he’s really cute, Yuuri.”
(He wished he’d never made that promise.)
Seven months dragged by until Yuuri’s birthday. Phichit found himself spending more time with Yuuri, his chest feeling warmer whenever they were together. He knew that he was already in love with his best friend, and he couldn’t wait until November came so that he could finally show his love for the other man.
November came and Phichit found himself practically vibrating when Yuuri’s birthday finally- finally- came.
(He wished that he hadn’t fallen so deep.)
“Alright, birthday boy!” Phichit yelled at he banged on the closed bathroom door. “Show me your mark so we can go celebrate!”
The handle to the door turned slowly and he backed away as Yuuri opened it, his hand braced against the doorframe. Phichit grinned at him before he noticed that the man was not looking at him, but at his wrist instead. A sickening feeling dropped into his stomach, making his spine run cold, but he ignored it and reached for his best friend.
“Yuu-”
“It’s Victor.”
The pain that sliced through Phichit’s chest had him nearly gasping. His chest tightened as his fingers closed around his friend’s pale wrist. “What?”
Yuuri finally looked up, his eyes shiny with joy and a bit of fear. He grinned widely and Phichit could practically feel his heart shattering in his chest. “It says Victor Nikiforov. I Googled it. It’s really his name, Phichit-kun.”
There was no way to lie about it. Phichit recognized the Russian scrawled across Yuuri’s wrist, right where the skin grew delicate and the veins showed underneath.
(Right where his name should’ve been.)
Swallowing hard, Phichit forced a smile onto his face as he looked back up at Yuuri, his tears pricking the backs of his eyes. “Congratulations, Yuuri!”
The Japanese man giggled, his cheeks growing rosy with a happiness that Phichit had basked in for seven months; only to be doused in this horrible acid pain in a matter of minutes. He pulled away from the warmth of Yuuri’s skin, feeling horrible.
His one and only; the one he was meant to spent the rest of his life with; he wasn’t really his.
“Oh, Phichit-kun!” Yuuri reached out to grip his shoulder, his face still stretched into that wide, wide smile. Phichit felt sick with the joy that emanated from him. “Who’s your soulmate?”
Phichit found himself laughing a bit nervously, easing his way out from under Yuuri’s hand. His brow furrowed in confusion and he followed when Phichit took a step back. Phichit pressed a hand over his heart, as if Yuuri could see through his clothes to his pain underneath.
“No-one,” Phichit stuttered over his words, turning from those brown eyes when they filled with an incredulous look. Yuuri let out a tiny huff of frustration.
“Phichit-kun! You promised!” He exclaimed, reaching for the Thai man again. Phichit gasped and backed away quickly, his chest squeezing uncomfortably. The Japanese man stared, his face morphing into one of hurt. “Do you not trust me with it?”
Phichit felt the words nearly choking him as he spoke, his throat dry with pain. “You won’t like it, Yuuri. Leave it alone.”
(He never really meant it.)
“Phichit, my soulmate is a man from a foreign country. The only way I won’t like your soulmate is if he’s like a serial killer or something.”
Phichit laughed at that, the sound trembling with tears. Yuuri stepped forward again, his face becoming an expression of concern as his friend leaned against the wall. He clutched the material of his shirt over his heart, trying to breathe through the sticky hurt that seemed to clog his lungs.
“It’s you,” he murmured, blinking as the tears began to fall. “You’re my soulmate, Katsuki Yuuri.”
(Those were supposed to be words of joy, not words mumbled through the thickness of tears.)
“What?”
Phichit wanted to laugh, to stand up and be able to look his friend in the eye and say that he was joking. But he couldn’t, and he stared down at the floor as Yuuri shifted from foot to foot in front of him.
“I should’ve told you when you asked.” Phichit laughed bitterly, turning his face away from Yuuri’s when the man tried to capture his gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s why you wanted to wait,” Yuuri breathed out, his voice trembling. Phichit nodded, hiccupping on a sob. He pressed his palms into his eyes as he tried to stop the tears.
“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed as Yuuri sniffled. He wiped at his eyes frantically. “This is supposed to be a happy day for you.”
He looked up just as strong arms wound around his neck. Yuuri pressed his nose against his neck. “I’m sorry it couldn’t be you, Phichit. I really am.”
“Please don’t,” Phichit pleaded, his voice crackling. He tried to pull away from Yuuri, but the man clung to him tightly. He felt another sob build its way up through his throat. “Yuuri, please. Don’t try to make me feel better.”
“Phichit-kun,” the man said in a low voice. Phichit froze, his hands resting on Yuuri’s arms. “Date me.”
He pushed away from Yuuri, anger and hurt building up in his chest. He glared at his best friend- his soulmate- and crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop it!”
Yuuri rushed forward again as Phichit’s tears started to flow freely. He let the other man steady him, his hands wrapping around his wrists. “Phichit-kun, listen to me.”
“Why do you want to hurt me like this?” Phichit wailed, trying to tug away from him. “Please! Please just let me go and I’ll let you have a better day! I’m sorry I ruined it right now, but it can get better!”
“Phichit!” Yuuri cried, his grip tightening on Phichit’s wrists. “Stop it and listen to me!”
The Thai man stopped, his chest heaving as he tried to breathe through his sobs. Yuuri let go of one of his wrists to brush a few tears away from dark cheeks, only to have more follow. Phichit sniffed loudly, leaning his face into Yuuri’s palm.
“Phichit, I doubt I’ll ever have a chance with Victor,” Yuuri started, rubbing a gentle thumb over his cheekbone. He shushed him when he opened his mouth to protest, pressing their foreheads together. “He’s famous, Phichit. He could have any person he ever wanted. And who knows? Maybe he won’t have my name on him! Maybe he’ll be like us!”
“He’s your soulmate, Yuuri.” Phichit mumbled, trying to ignore the warmth of Yuuri’s hands. “You can’t just leave him like that. You deserve to be happy with him.”
“Lots of people stay with people who aren’t their soulmates, Phichit.” Yuuri soothed, his hand cupping his cheek. “I think I’m about halfway in love with you already.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“You’re extremely kind, and you make me laugh on my worse days.” Yuuri said in a steady voice, his other hand coming up to cup Phichit’s face. “You’re adorable and you’re my best friend.”
“Please don’t let me bully you into this, Yuuri. I don’t want you to date me out of pity. I don’t want you to date me at all if you don’t like me. You shouldn’t even be contemplating this.”
“But I am.” Yuuri told him in a no-nonsense tone. Phichit stared up at him in disbelief, watching those eyes soften as he watched him. “Let’s try, Phichit. Let’s try to be as happy as we can together.”
Phichit gazed at his friend with watery eyes, seeing the determination in his eyes. He bit his bottom lip harshly, his hand coming up to cup the back of Yuuri’s. “You have to promise me that if Victor does have your name, you’ll go with him. You deserve to be with your true soulmate if he has your name.”
Yuuri smiled sadly before leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Phichit’s mouth. “I promise.”
(He wished he’d said no to him.
It only gave him hope.)
Five years.
Five whole years with Katsuki Yuuri.
Five years of firsts; first kisses, first dates, first times.
Five years until Yuuri returned to Japan after his failure at competing. Five years until Yuuri called him in a frantic state in the middle of the night.
He’d seen it coming, to be truthful. He hadn’t believed that Yuuri could remain his forever. He knew that one day Victor would come, and one day he’d be left completely alone with only a name as a painful reminder of the love that had gotten away.
He’d just hoped desperately that he’d get to have enough time with Yuuri.
The call woke him up in the middle of the night, Yuuri’s personal ringtone ringing throughout the room. He jerked out of his sleep, fumbling for his phone in the darkness. Finding it, he squinted at the bright screen and swiped the button to accept Yuuri’s FaceTime call.
“Babe?” Phichit murmured, his voice rough with sleep. He squeezed his eyes shut to adjust to the brightness in front of him before opening them wide. Yuuri sat on the other end, his hair a mess, face in his hands as he leaned over his desk. Phichit jerked upright, staring down at his phone. “Yuuri, babe, what’s wrong?”
“He’s got my name.”
Ice cold dread shivered down Phichit’s spine as he watched Yuuri lift his head to look into the screen of his laptop. His boyfriend- his best friend, his soulmate- stared at him as tears flowed freely, his cheeks puffy from crying as he sobbed openly. Phichit felt the tears start to build up in his own eyes, his throat tightening as he felt his stomach clench with fear and pain.
“Victor is there?” Phichit asked, trying not to sound devastated. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy on either of them. Over the years, the both of them had grown to love each other, falling deeper into each other’s hearts.
“He came to be my coach,” Yuuri cried, his eyes cloudy with tears. “I saw it when he was in the onsen. He has my kanji right across his shoulder blade.”
(So close to his heart.)
Phichit felt sick as he stared at Yuuri, knowing this was it. This was their final moment as lovers, as boyfriends, as soulmates together. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want to be left alone, to be without Yuuri by his side.
“Do you remember your promise?” Phichit found himself saying, despite his feelings. Yuuri choked on his next sob, nodding in lieu of answering. Phichit swallowed hard, his voice breaking when he spoke again. “I want you to be with him.”
“But I love you, Phichit.” Yuuri wailed, wrapping his arms around himself. Phichit gripping his phone tighter, knowing that in their last moments, he wasn’t going to be able to hold Yuuri in his arms. “I don’t want to love him. I love you!”
“I love you too,” Phichit cried, finally letting his tears fall. “I can’t keep you from him. You match, you deserve to be together.”
They sat there for a long while, crying their hearts out as they repeated their love over and over again. Yuuri cried for Phichit’s arms and the Thai man couldn’t help but reciprocate the yearning.
“I always thought we’d be able to have one last time before you shipped me away,” Yuuri tried to joke, his tears still falling down his cheeks. Phichit glared at him through the phone screen.
“I would never willingly ship you away, Yuuri. Please don’t think of it like this.” Phichit said in a hard voice. “I will never stop loving you.”
“I’ll never stop loving you either.” Yuuri wept, his hands curling against his cheeks as he stared into his own screen. “You’re my best friend, and my first love. He’ll never get that part of me.”
Phichit Chulanont was full of regrets, full of things he wished he could have done differently.
But, if you asked him, it was all worth it.
It was worth to see his best friend with his true soulmate, even if it still ached. It was worth it, because even as he watched them fall in love quickly and steadily, he knew that he’d been blessed with the love that Katsuki Yuuri had brought him.
And even though his story of love was a somewhat tragic one, he was glad to have had it for the time that he had.