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Numinous (adjective) Feeling both fearful and awed by what is before you.
Yoongi stared at the white ceiling, slinging the cover onto his freezing body. No matter how tired he was, he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Was it because of the pressure from an upcoming comeback? No, Yoongi knew Persona was going to be one of their best albums yet. Was it because of the ticking of the cat clock Taehyung had bought him as a joke last year? No, the clock had never bothered him before.
Maybe it was the fact that his bed was empty. It was a small bed but somehow, almost every single night since they moved into the dorm, someone was pressed up against him. Someone was always beside him, letting out soft snores, or in Namjoon’s case, loud ones.
Yoongi always thought he hated it because it always left him sweaty and squished in his own bed. But now that he was alone, he was just cold and uncomfortable. He sighed loudly and rolled over, grabbing for his phone. After hissing at the bright light, he squinted at the screen. 2:30 am.
Huffing, he dropped his phone and pulled the covers over his head, trying to curl up into a tiny ball with his hands between his legs. “If I’m not asleep in thirty minutes, I’m crawling into one of the other members’ beds. Pride be damned.” He mumbled, letting out a string of curses afterwards when his cold hands touched his legs.
Thirty minutes passed and Yoongi only felt more awake and frustrated. He tossed the sheets off and started towards the door before hesitating. He was wearing boxers and a sweatshirt but he usually didn’t wear that much while sleeping because the other members gave off so much body heat. In a last minute decision, he slipped the sweatshirt off and walked into the hallway.
Hoseok’s room happened the be the closest and Yoongi just wanted to sleep as soon as possible so he pushed the door open and looked towards the bed. Hoseok was surprisingly still awake and on his phone. His eyes widened and he stared at the figure in his door. The room was too dark to see who it is but he could tell from the shape. “Yoongi hyung?” He called softly.
Yoongi shut the bedroom door behind him and shuffled over to the bed, immediately crawling in and curling up. His face was a little pink so he kept his back to Hoseok who was grinning from ear to ear.
“Couldn’t sleep, hyung?” Hoseok whispered, setting his phone to the side and settling down into the bed. He pulled the covers higher so they touched both his and Yoongi’s chins.
Yoongi nodded, feeling embarrassed. He wasn’t one to crawl into someone else’s bed. It was always the other boys. This felt like opening up and Yoongi wasn’t one for vulnerability.
Hoseok’s smile faded slowly and he scooted closer to Yoongi’s back. “Wanna talk about it? You’ve never done this kind of thing before.”
Yoongi shifted uncomfortably and shook his head. He was seconds from running away.
Hoseok inched even closer and wrapped his arm around Yoongi’s waist hesitantly. He knew Yoongi hated cuddling when he was trying to sleep but he just wanted to comfort him in some way. Hoseok’s heart sped up as Yoongi’s scent filled his nose. It was an instinct to smile as soon as he smelled his cologne.
Yoongi, on the other hand, was not smiling. He froze as soon as Hoseok’s fingers brushed his bare stomach. His breath caught in his throat and he jumped out of the bed. Being so tired was starting to affect his brain. He was already putting himself in a vulnerable position and cuddling was pushing it too far. “I-I think I’m gonna go back to my room.” Yoongi stuttered, running for the door.
Hoseok was up in a flash, mind racing at a thousand miles a second. He reached the door at the same time Yoongi did and slammed his palm against it to keep it shut. “Wait.” He said quietly, voice low and vibrating in his chest.
Yoongi closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the door. He wrapped his arms around his shaking body. “Let me go. I’d really rather be alone right now.”
Hoseok scoffed and narrowed his eyes even though Yoongi couldn’t see him. “No, hyung. I don’t think you should be alone. You’re closing yourself off and running just like you used to do. Back when everything was really bad. I’m not letting you do that again. So talk to me. Please.”
Yoongi took a shaky breath and turned around. Hoseok’s normally kind eyes were burning into him, filled with determination and something Yoongi couldn’t place.
They realized that their faces were way too close at the same time. They blushed bright red but Hoseok refused to move. It was too late at night to think properly and his brain was short circuiting at the proximity to the man he’d been in love with since before they debuted. Yoongi’s eyes were wide and his lips were pursed in a confused pout. “Why do you do this to me, hyung?” Hoseok whispered, a distant and sad look filling his eyes.
Yoongi frowned and pressed himself back against the door. Seeing Hoseok upset like this was unsettling. “Wh-what do you mean? Seok-ah, can you just let me go please? I’m not closing myself off, I would just like to go to sleep.”
Hoseok’s frown deepened and he pushed off of the door, taking a step back. The sad look was replaced with one of anger. “Fine. Go. Leave. Like you always do. I’m done trying.” He said in a monotone voice.
Yoongi’s hand twitched. He wanted to leave but he’d never seen his best friend in this kind of mood before. “Hoseok. Done trying what? Can you please explain instead of being so fucking vague?” He didn’t mean for his tone to sound so irritated but it did.
Hoseok’s eyes narrowed once again and his lips curled into a sneer. Being so painfully in love with someone who only pushed him away was driving him insane. “I can’t explain!” He snapped, voice rising. “The second I mention any sort of feelings, you run! You won’t let me explain but I’ve been trying to for over eight years!”
Yoongi chewed on his bottom lip nervously. Hoseok was right. Just the word ‘feelings’ had him on the edge of having a panic attack. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t do it. I just can’t handle that kind of conversation.” His breathing was becoming more rapid and he unconsciously lifted a hand to his mouth to chew on his nails.
Hoseok caught his hand as he had been doing for years. He knew all of Yoongi’s habits, good and bad. He was angry but stopping Yoongi’s nail biting habit was like a second nature to him. His grip was tighter than he meant it to be and Yoongi’s breathing got even worse.
“Let go of me.” Yoongi hissed through gritted teeth, trying to wrench his wrist out of Hoseok’s hand.
“I will when you talk to me.” Hoseok mumbled, stepping closer to the shorter boy.
Yoongi felt like a cornered wild animal. “Hoseok. Let fucking go of me!” He said loudly, squirming even more and doing anything he could to get away from him.
“No! Just please calm down!” Hoseok pleaded. His anger had faded and all he felt was worry. “Hyung, please. Breathe for me.”
Yoongi’s cheeks suddenly felt wet. He was sad and frustrated that he didn’t know what was going on with himself, angry at Hoseok for not letting him go, and just confused about everything. “Let me g-go.” He whispered, all the fight going out of him. He slumped against the door and sniffed.
Hoseok sighed softly and pulled Yoongi into a hug. “It’s okay, hyung. I’m here. I’ve got you.” He murmured.
Something about those words sent Yoongi into another panic and he shoved Hoseok away, clutching his arms to his chest and breathing heavily. “I’m sorry, Seok-ah. I can’t.”
Hoseok ran his fingers through his hair and huffed again. “What the fuck is your issue?”
Yoongi shook his head frantically. And placed a hand behind him, touching the doorknob.
Hoseok stared at his hand with wide eyes. He couldn’t let him leave. “Yoongi hyung, please. Let me care for you.”
Yoongi shook his head again, faster. His heart clenched and he clawed at his chest, gripping the doorknob so tight that his knuckles were white.
Hoseok reached out and ignored how Yoongi winced away from him. He pulled the smaller boy against his chest and held his face in his hands gently.
Yoongi tried to push Hoseok off again but he froze when he saw his face. Hoseok’s light brown hair had fallen slightly in his face and his lips were parted like he wanted to say something. His eyes took a second to focus on Yoongi but when they did, they settled on his lips.
Yoongi inhaled sharply and reached up to grip Hoseok’s shirt. Something ignited in his chest and he couldn’t breathe again but it was different from before. It wasn’t an overwhelming panic anymore. The fire he was feeling felt good. Too good. It terrified him but he couldn’t stop it.
Hoseok’s eyes fluttered shut and then snapped open again. “Hyung.” He started, his whole body becoming tense. “If you still want to go then go now.” He slowly pried his hands away from Yoongi’s face, almost like it pained him to separate himself.
Any desire to leave had already left Yoongi. He only tightened his hold on Hoseok’s shirt and shook his head.
Gasping slightly in surprise, Hoseok brought his hands back to Yoongi’s face. “Why aren’t you leaving?” He whispered.
Yoongi kept his wide eyes trained on Hoseok’s. “I don’t know.” He whispered back, his words barely audible.
Hoseok’s thumb rubbed against Yoongi’s cheek lightly and he leaned into it. “You know you make me so angry sometimes.”
Yoongi nodded, almost feeling like he was in a trance. “I know, Seok-ah.”
Hoseok sighed and let his forehead fall against Yoongi’s. His eyes were only half open now and he was so close that Yoongi had to cross his eyes to look at him. “What am I gonna do?”
Yoongi didn’t know if he was talking to him or not but feeling Hoseok’s warm breath on his face, he had suddenly never wanted something more in his entire life. “Kiss me.” He blurted out.
Hoseok jerked his head back and his jaw dropped. It took him a second to close it again. “What? Hyung, please don’t play with me.”
Yoongi gulped and stepped forward, moving both of them until Hoseok’s legs caught on the bed. He sat down hard and Yoongi climbed onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. Hoseok’s hands rose to Yoongi’s waist instinctively. Yoongi felt like he was on autopilot, not quite in control of himself but still in control at the same time. As long as he had control, he’d be fine. “I. Said. Kiss me.” He muttered, leaning in a bit.
Hoseok felt like he was dreaming. He actually thought about pinching himself but Yoongi’s mouth was so close and he was already moving. Hoseok crashed his lips against Yoongi’s in a bruising kiss and they both gasped, pulling each other impossibly closer.
To keep control, Yoongi licked at Hoseok’s lips, which parted immediately for him. He shoved his tongue into the taller boy’s mouth and grabbed a fistful of his hair. Hoseok let out a small groan and the sound went straight to Yoongi’s gut.
Hoseok bit Yoongi’s bottom lip and pulled back to catch his breath. His lips were swollen and soaked with spit. Yoongi had never seen anything more attractive in his life and apparently, his dick agreed. He lifted himself up slightly and then brought his body back down, grinding his hips against Hoseok’s. They both let out loud moans at the friction and Hoseok tossed his head back.
Yoongi kept moving his hips as he leapt forward and attached his mouth to Hoseok’s neck. He subconsciously knew he shouldn’t leave any marks but he couldn’t help himself when he sucked hickies onto Hoseok’s collarbones and shoulders.
Hoseok could already feel himself getting close and he couldn’t allow this to end so soon. He tightened his arms around Yoongi’s waist and moved up higher on the bed. He laid Yoongi down and hovered over him, taking a second to stare at him. He frowned at what he saw.
Yoongi had immediately started panicking once Hoseok took control. He froze, eyes wide.
Hoseok knew exactly what was happening. He knew Yoongi liked control, that he needed it. But he also knew that at this moment, Yoongi needed to hand over control. “Hyung. You trust me, right?”
Yoongi nodded quickly. “Of course. You know I do. Why are you asking that?” He asked, already beginning to squirm uncomfortably.
Hoseok moved a hand underneath the hem of Yoongi’s shirt, rubbing at his hip. “Do you wanna let go? Be good for me?”
Yoongi’s heart skipped a beat and he felt his dick get even harder. He wanted to be good for Hoseok. “Y-yeah.” He mumbled.
Hoseok raised an eyebrow, smiling softly. “Yeah, what?”
Yoongi’s eyes clouded over for a second and he gripped Hoseok’s bicep. “Yeah, I wanna be good for you, Seok.” He lifted his hips up, trying to get any sort of friction again.
Hoseok stayed above Yoongi, ignoring the pleading look in his eyes. “Then tell me what you want, baby.” Yoongi whimpered at the nickname, biting his bottom lip. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
Yoongi had been teetering on the edge for a while now but those words tipped him over. He let out another whimper and then words spilled out of his mouth. Words he never thought he’d say. “Please, touch me. Take control. I’m yours. Please. Please. Please.”
Hoseok growled and his eyes darkened slightly. “Baby, you know the color system right?”
A breathy moan left Yoongi’s mouth and he nodded. “Y-yeah.”
“You’ll use it if you need to, right? Or if I ask?” Hoseok had to make sure Yoongi could stop this if he wanted. At any point.
Yoongi nodded again and screwed his eyes shut. “Yes, now please! Seok just touch me!”
Hoseok smirked inwardly and lowered himself, pressing his clothed dick against Yoongi’s. They were both wearing only boxers but even that was too much for Yoongi.
He pushed frantically at both of their hips. “Off. Off. Want them off.” Yoongi mumbled, almost incoherently.
Hoseok sat up and slipped his own boxers off. He didn’t miss the way Yoongi practically started drooling and his eyes clouded over again.
Hoseok then removed Yoongi’s boxers too and expected Yoongi to try and cover himself but he didn’t. If anything, Yoongi’s legs spread just barely.
“Fuck.” Hoseok whispered, dick twitching at the sight of a naked Yoongi below him.
Yoongi correctly took that as praise and he flushed pink, chewing on his lips to keep himself from smiling. “Please.” He repeated quietly.
Hoseok leaned down again and left a trail of kisses from Yoongi’s chin to his belly button. He sucked a couple hickies onto the soft spots of Yoongi’s hips.
Yoongi’s hips bucked in response and he gasped, gripping at Hoseok’s hair. “O-oh god.”
Hoseok stopped for a second and lifted his gaze to meet Yoongi’s. “Baby, how far do you wanna go? We can stop at any point, you know.”
Nodding, Yoongi made grabby hands and tried to steady his breathing. “I know. I want you to fuck me. Please, Seok. I need to feel you.”
Hoseok choked on his spit and climbed off Yoongi. He paused and planted a quick, soft kiss on Yoongi’s lips before digging in his nightstand for lube. He picked up a condom and glanced at the boy still spread out on his bed.
Yoongi shook his head. “I’m clean so no condom if you’re clean too.” His words came out as small moans and he was too far gone to care.
Hoseok slammed the nightstand shut after tossing the condom back inside and straddled Yoongi’s hips. He leaned in close, eyes still dark with desire. “Want me to fuck you good baby?”
Yoongi nodded, feeling Hoseok’s breath on his lips again. He tried to lift his head to kiss him but Hoseok placed a hand on his chest to keep him still. He wanted to hear his answer. A noise of frustration slipped out of Yoongi’s mouth. “Yes, please.”
Hoseok smiled and it was half filled with adoration and half filled with lust. “I’ll take good care of you. I’ve got you.” He mumbled before pressing his lips against Yoongi’s again. This kiss was a bit different than their previous kisses. The fire was still there but it was slower and deeper, almost more passionate.
Hoseok kissed his way down Yoongi’s body once again, slow enough to make Yoongi pant and writhe underneath him. Suddenly, Hoseok’s mouth wrapped around the tip of his cock and Yoongi’s whole body jerked. His eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a long moan that sounded vaguely like Hoseok’s name.
Hoseok smirked slightly and grabbed the bottle of lube. He started bobbing his head slightly and poured out a generous amount of the liquid onto his fingers.
Yoongi bit his bottom lip hard to stop another loud moan when he felt Hoseok’s pointer finger rub around his rim. “Oh god, yes please, Seok. Please.” He begged, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.
Hoseok kept sucking him off to give him a distraction as he slowly pushed his finger inside him. Yoongi pushed down on Hoseok’s hand, still biting his lip so hard that he tasted blood. Hoseok lifted his head to speak and Yoongi almost came from the sight. “Baby? Stop trying to silence yourself. I wanna hear your pretty moans.” Hoseok said, sinking back down on Yoongi’s cock.
“Fuck.” Yoongi groaned, back arching and hands grabbing hold of the sheets. His groan was cut off when Hoseok removed his finger and came back with two, pushing in faster than before. “Seok!” Yoongi choked out, trying to keep his hips still.
Suddenly, Yoongi couldn’t keep still. He could feel the fire in his gut and it wasn’t letting up. He started grinding down on Hoseok’s fingers, moving his hips expertly. Hoseok only smirked more, pulling off Yoongi’s cock with a pop. “Someone’s eager. Huh?”
Yoongi whined pathetically. He saw a line of spit leading from his cock to Hoseok’s mouth and he couldn’t look anymore. His head fell back against the bed and he gripped the sheets tighter. “Please. I can’t. Just, more, please.” He babbled.
Hoseok wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted but he had to prep him right. He took a deep breath and kissed Yoongi’s thigh before adding a third finger. He started out slow again but Yoongi was having none of that. He pushed himself down the bed, forcing Hoseok’s fingers deeper. He hissed slightly at the stretch but it felt so good.
Hoseok froze for a moment, surprised at Yoongi’s desperation. Then he snapped back into it and started thrusting his fingers in and out. Yoongi moaned lowly and Hoseok knew the second he found his prostate because Yoongi’s back arched harshly and a high pitched whine filled the air. “Oh my god, please, fuck, fuck. Fuck me now.” Yoongi was babbling again and his head was fuzzy.
Hoseok grinned and pulled his fingers out. “Well who am I to say no to that?” He slicked his own cock up with lube while Yoongi whined, feeling empty.
After positioning himself at Yoongi’s entrance, Hoseok took a second and placed his hands by Yoongi’s shoulders, holding himself above him. Yoongi met his gaze quickly, hands reaching for his sides.
“What’s your color baby?” Hoseok whispered. He’d never seen his hyung so pliant before and he needed to make sure he was fully there before they went too far.
Yoongi blinked slowly and his arms slipped around Hoseok’s neck. “Bright green. Neon fucking green, Seok. Please.” He muttered in a moment of clarity.
Hoseok almost snorted at the words but he felt just as desperate for this. He pushed in and let his forehead fall against Yoongi’s. They both groaned, their breath mixing between them.
Hoseok felt like he was already about to cum when he saw the fucked out look on Yoongi’s face. He glanced down and saw precum leaking onto Yoongi’s stomach. He stayed still and peppered small kisses all over Yoongi’s face. “M-move, please. Fuck me good.” Yoongi whispered, eyes slipping closed.
Hoseok grabbed his face with one hand. “No, baby. Keep your eyes open. Look me in the eyes while I fuck you.” Hoseok commanded. Yoongi obeyed quickly, gulping at his tone.
Hoseok nodded approvingly before snapping his hips forward roughly. Yoongi gasped and he dug his nails into Hoseok’s back.
Hoseok started a quick, harsh pace immediately, unable to hold back. He found Yoongi’s prostate quickly and angled his hips so he hit it every time.
Hoseok’s grunts, Yoongi’s moans, and the sounds of skin slapping together filled the air. They both very quickly realized they weren’t going to last long. It had been too long for both of them.
Yoongi pulled Hoseok down to meet his lips and they kissed slowly, the opposite of the quick pace Hoseok had while thrusting into Yoongi.
After only a couple minutes, Yoongi couldn’t move his mouth anymore so Hoseok just pressed small kisses on his jaw. Yoongi was whimpering and his nails were still digging into Hoseok’s back. Hoseok didn’t mind the pain, it turned him on even more.
“Getting close, baby? Gonna beg to cum with me?” Hoseok asked, nipping softly at Yoongi’s neck.
Yoongi’s whole body trembled and he nodded. “Yes, please. Seok, please. Let me cum with you.”
Hoseok groaned and he slid one hand down until he gripped Yoongi’s thigh, lifting it up to get a better angle. “Fuck baby, you’re so beautiful.” Hoseok rasped, moving his dancer hips in a way that should be considered illegal in Yoongi’s opinion.
Yoongi felt tears pool in his eyes and a burst of pleasure flew up his spine. “Fuuuck, you feel so good.” He drawled, eyes going slightly out of focus.
“Cum for me.” Hoseok whispered in Yoongi’s ear, wrapping a tight hand around Yoongi’s throbbing cock. Not even a second later, Yoongi let out a way too loud cry and his eyes rolled back in his head again from the force of his orgasm.
Hoseok continued to fuck into Yoongi two, three more times before stilling, cumming hard inside Yoongi. They both shuddered as Hoseok rocked a few more times, oversensitivity settling in.
Neither of them spoke as they caught their breath. Then Hoseok slowly lifted a hand and wiped the tears that had spilled down Yoongi’s cheeks at some point. “Wow.” He breathed.
Yoongi whimpered at how soft Hoseok was acting and more tears threatened to spill. “Wow.” He repeated, a knot in his throat.
Hoseok could hear how thick Yoongi’s voice had gotten but he didn’t want to bring it up yet. He just wanted to revel in this moment and not let the love of his life go. Yoongi probably only wanted a quick fuck and Hoseok wasn’t quite ready to accept that. “Let’s go get cleaned up.” He mumbled, slipping out of Yoongi slowly.
Yoongi whined quietly again but nodded, letting Hoseok pick him up bridal style and carry him to the bathroom. He still felt fuzzy and not all there.
Hoseok turned on the shower and set Yoongi down on his feet before climbing in with him. Yoongi leaned heavily against him and let him clean them both up as slow as he wanted.
By the time Hoseok had pulled fresh boxers back on both of them and was pulling the sheets off to put on clean ones, Yoongi could form proper sentences in his head. He still didn’t speak out loud. He was terrified by what had happened. He gave up control. And he liked it. No, he loved it.
Hoseok finished putting on the sheets and reached for Yoongi before he could run. He saw the panicked look coming back to Yoongi’s eyes and he had to stop it. “Baby?” He asked hopefully, sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms open wide.
Yoongi’s head snapped up at the pet name and he bit his lip. Hoseok nodded at him and he sighed, falling forward onto Hoseok’s lap. Something swelled in his chest and he had to choke down a sob. The realization hit him like a train. He was in love with his best friend.
Something else clicked in his brain at the same time. Hoseok loved him back. That was the only reason he would act like this. Right? Before he could question that and let his thoughts turn sour, he pulled back and stared into Hoseok’s eyes.
“I love you.” They both blurted out at the same time. Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed and Hoseok’s jaw dropped.
“What?” Hoseok mumbled in complete shock. That had not been what he was expecting.
“Seok, I love you. I didn’t realize it before but damn, I love you.” Yoongi spoke, feeling more confident now that he was more sure Hoseok felt the same way.
Hoseok opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking slightly like a fish. “You love me too? After being in love with you for more than eight years, you love me too?”
This time, Yoongi’s jaw dropped. “Eight years? Oh, Seok, I’m so sorry I never knew.”
Hoseok shook his head and a wide grin broke out on his face. “Shut up, it doesn’t matter. You feel the same way now, right?” A nod. “Then, yeah, fuck the past. All I need is you, right now.”
Yoongi smiled too, gums showing. Hoseok melted at the sight and kissed Yoongi even though they were both still smiling. They giggled and smiled against each other’s mouths, not daring to move away. “Cheesy bitch.” Yoongi mumbled, delighted.
Hoseok nodded and rubbed his nose against Yoongi’s. “Yeah. For you. I love you, baby.”
Yoongi blushed a soft pink and tightened his grip around Hoseok. “I love you too.”