Chapter Text
“Why?!” Adrien cried
“I don’t-” Marinette whinnied like a distressed filly.
“ Why tho?!” Adrien blubbered like a particularly distraught jaguar (AN: cuz he’s like a cat n stuff ;3)
“IDK!” Marinette cried with anguish that made the best performances of I Dreamed a Dream look like complete and total shitshows. “But we can-”
“No…” Adrien said, wiping a tear from his perfect eye. “There is...no... oui …”
TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES: ABRIDGED
MADE IN CLEAR DEFIANCE OF GOD’S LAWS AND THOMAS ASTRUC
BY SIDEREALSANDMAN
[THREE MONTHS OR SO EARLIER]
[IDK I KINDA LOST CONTROL OF THE TIME]
“BLARGH I’M A SILLY LOOKING AKUMA!”
“Gtfo, nerd,” Ladybug said, kicking the akuma in the face with a tired sigh as she broke the akumitized item. “Sigh...I wish I had someone who could share my superhero burden.”
“You know,” Chat Noir said. “I could probably help you out more if you told me literally anything about the Miraculous or-”
“Being the only hero in Paris is tiring ,” Ladybug sighed.
“I mean, Fu still hasn’t told me basically anything about being a hero,” Chat Noir chuckled. “I don’t know, maybe if you…you know...brought me in on some stuff, I could help share the load, or-”
“Alone,” Ladybug sighed deeper and melencholier as she zipped away. “So...so very alone…”
[ONE TRANSITION SCENE LATER]
“Hey Marinette, wanna study tomorrow?” Adrien asked.
“O-Okay, that sounds-”
“And one day have my beautiful, green eyed babies?”
“Sure, that sounds…” Marinette froze with her hand on the coffee pot. “...huh?”
“...did I stutter?”
[THAT NIGHT…]
“Oh Chat, will our quest to defeat Hawkmoth ever end?” Ladybug bemoaned, staring up at the starry night sky with woe and forlornitude.
“I mean, unless one of us finds out who Hawkmoth is, I don’t think it’s likely,” Chat Noir said. “That’s okay! We can do this forever...forever...forever...forever...for-”
“Okay, thanks!” Ladybug huffed, zipping away into the night. “Ugh, I’m stressed...maybe a good-old-fashioned peep in Adrien’s bedroom window would cheer me up-”
Ladybug nearly hit a lamp post as she swung by Gabriel’s office, watching her former fashion icon pirouette like a Madoka cosplayer and reveal himself to be none other than...Hawkmoth!!1!
“Sacre-tittyfucking- bleu!” Ladybug extolled.
[LATER…]
“Well, that was another humiliating failure,” Gabriel sighed as his transformation disappeared.
“Not as humiliating as it’s gonna be to get your ass kicked by a high schooler!” Ladybug crowed, leaping out from behind the ficus and pointing menacingly at Gabriel. “J'accuse, Hawkbriel Mothgreste!”
“Sacre-tittyfucking- bleu!” Gabriel cried. “Ladybug, how did you know I was Hawkmoth?!”
“I wasn’t peeping in your son’s room at night and didn’t accidentally see you transform!” Ladybug said, grabbing Gabriel by the throat. “Gimme one good reason I shouldn’t pop you like a zit!”
“Uh...Adrien...needs his daddy?” Gabriel choked.
“ I can be Adrien’s daddy,” Ladybug glowered.
“Uh...Adrien...needs his mommy?” Gabriel said. “Y-Yeah, this was all for my family and stuff...Adrien will be sad if I go to jail…”
“That sounds like something you should have thought about before you decided to be evil!”
“Look...if we work together…we can all get what we want,” Gabriel said, frantically paging his way through the previous chapters. “Aren’t...aren’t you tired of being so very alone? Don’t you want a chance to live a life free to pursue your dreams?”
“Like hell; global warming is gonna kill us all before I’m forty anyway! At least I get some sweet sweet revenge before the world ends!”
“I implore you to reconsider,” Gabriel said.
“Hmm... okay !” Ladybug said as Tikki let forth a keening cry of the utmost rage deep inside Marinette’s earrings. “What could go wrong? I’ve got you by the balls; not like you can deduce my identity or anything.”
“...n-nope, can’t do that!” Gabriel said.
“Okay, lemme just hit up Chat Noir and tell him what the plan is. There’s no way he’s going to say no to me.”
[ONE TRANSITION SCENE LATER]
“No,” Chat Noir said.